Chapter Text
dazai osamu created Mori Hate Club!!*
dazai osamu added 16 members*
dazai osamu: boring ahh users
dazai osamu: hold on
twinkie pie changed 16 names*
homophobe smh: what is this?
homophobe smh: i’m not a homophobe, thank you very much.
alcoholic: thats exactly what a homophobe would say
alcoholic: ALSO HOW AM I A FH KUNG ALCOBIKLIC
diabetes: you eat wine for breakfast
shrimp: whats wrong with that
alcoholic: ok diabetes.
diabetes: STOP
> shrimp: whats wrong with that
alcoholic: you get me
shrimp: MY NAME.
shrimp: WTF
shrimp: SHRIMP. SERIOUSLY.
shrimp: I WILL EAT YOUR EYEBALLS
bitchless: its okay chuuya we still love you
fav sibling: how’d you know it was chuuya💀
bitchless: .
bitchless: telepathy
shrimp: WOW. FUCK YOU.
actually creepy: tachi you’re so desperate its pathetic
furry liker: this is exactly why you’re bitchless.
fav sibling: FURRY LIKER
fav sibling: I’M HYPERVENTILATING
furry liker: shut up
> actually creepy: tachi you’re so..
furry liker: you literally stalked me once
FURRY: 😃
furry liker: I DO NOT LIKE FURRYS.
FURRY: sure
fav sibling: 💀
> furry liker: you literally stalked..
actually creepy: TAHTS IN THE PAST
twinkie pie: you bitches didn’t even let me do my welcoming speech smh :(
homophobe smh: You literally had the perfect opening when I asked my question.
FURRY: sorry dazai-san!!
> twinkie pie: you bitches didn’t even..
shrimp: no one wants to hear you speak
idk: so real
twinkie pie: WOW.
twinkie pie: shit up your name is literally yuanus
realest bully: wtf is happening
realest bully: YUANUS
realest bully: I’M CRYING WHY IS YOUR NAME YUANUS
alcoholic: YUANUS???!!!!
diabetes: dazai omg💀
bitchless: YUANUS IS CRAZY
skull emoji: i’d still hit
FURRY: yuanus omg😭 i feel bad for you
homophobe smh: …yuanus?😀
fav sibling: I’M ACTILLIALLY DYING WTH YUANUS
actually creepy: YUANUS? SERIOUSLY???😨😨😨
idk: :(
boo canceled: i’m only calling you yuanus from now on.
twinkie pie: :3
idk: DUDE
idk: chuuya why r you not saying anything step up for me wth
shrimp: guys her name is yuan stop💀
shrimp: mark.
shrimp: kys.
shrimp: white trash lookin ahh
skull emoji: you’re just mad i’m the better ginger
skull emoji: also why tf is my name skull emoji
shrimp: the only thing you’re best at is being a homewrecker.
bitchless: DQMN
FURRY: that’s crazy😨
alcoholic: roasted
> skull emoil: also why tf is my name..
twinkie pie: cause you're cringe
shrimp: #real
shrimp: #true
shrimp: #deserved
shrimp: #die
shrimp: #kys
shrimp: #noonelovesyou
skull emoii: I FUCKINH GET IT
twinkie pie: chuuya shut up the only reason you don’t like him is cause he’s somehow attracted to yuan which is actually embarrassing of you
idk: i’m literally right here
twinkie pie: i know.
shrimp: AM I NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE A LOVE LIFE
twinkie pie: IF I CANT HAVE ONE YOU CANT EITHER
skull emoji: i can change that ;)
twinkie pie: KYS MARK
shrimp: LITERALLY
twinkie pie: WELL ANYWAY
twinkie pie: MY WELCOMING SPEECH
alcoholic: dazai anywaying the way he put his gayness on display for the whole world to see away
idk: hold the fuck on
idk was kicked out of the groupchat by twinkie pie*
twinkie pie: MY WELCOMING SPEECH.
twinkie pie: SO. haii >_<
twinkie pie: so basically i put everyone i ever got the contacts from in one group cause i was bored and didnt wanna study for exams :3
shrimp: i knew it was gonna be some lame ass shit
boo canceled: when did i give you my contacts
twinkie pie: you didnt
boo canceled: HUH
diabetes: are we not going to talk about how dazai of all people knows every single person in the popular ppl group
alcoholic: LITERALLY
alcoholic: i was already thinking like, okay damn why am i suddenly talking to chuuya
shrimp: i’m not popular wth
diabetes: …
alcoholic: …
FURRY: is no one gonna add yuanus back
boo canceled: …
realest bully: …
bitchless: …
shrimp: I’M NOT
furry liker: chuuya-san, r you stupid
shrimp: WTF RYUU
homophobe smh: No offence, but you very obviously are. I am debating wether I should feel honored to be in the same group chat as you.
shrimp: HONORED??
twinkie pie: whoa there
FURRY: .. i feel ignored😀
furry liker: you are being ignored.
alcoholic: SHUT UP DAZAI WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US YOU KNOW THEM
diabetes: i knew
alcoholic: kys smartass
alcoholic: also kunikida that was so gay of you honestly
realest bully: RIGHT
realest bully: i was staring at my screen like wtf💀
fav sibling: kunikida down bad
homophobe smh: honestly? kinda.
fav sibling: damn. i did not except that💀
alcoholic: KUNIKIDA?!
diabetes: HELP KUNIKIDAGAUUSAV
twinkie pie: what.
alcoholic: don’t act like you don’t relate
twinkie pie: OKAY FIRST OF ALL
> homophobe smh: honestly? kinda
shrimp: c’mere
diabetes: DID KUNIKIDA JUST RIZZ CHUUYA UP
twinkie pie: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SERIOUS KUNIKIDA
FURRY: kunikida-san..????😨😨
realest bully: CHUUYA DID YOU FORGET YOU HAVE A GF AGAIN
fav sibling: lol kunikida stole yuanuses man
another homophobe: honestly its time someone does it
shrimp: ANE-SAN?
shrimp: NOW WDYM BY THAT
> another homophobe: honestly its..
honestly creepy: right?!
another homophobe: like i love women but she’s absolutely insufferable
furry liker: literally
shrimp: KOUYOU WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS
shrimp: RYUU WHEN DID YOU GET SO SASSY STIP
fav sibling: he has it from you
alcoholic: kouyou
alcoholic: kiss me
another homophobe: ? sure
another homophobe: well anyway GET YOUR MAN KUNISOMETHING
fav sibling: idk you but WOOOO YOUR TIME TO SHINE
shrimp: for the record, i’m straight💀
diabetes: i think dazai’s gonna have an aneurysm if yall keep going
twinkie pie: STOP
shrimp: what
twinkie pie: nothinf dpnt listwn to him.
diabetes: you’re so gay IT HURTSS
alcoholic: literally
> shrimp: for the record, i’m straight..
alcoholic: also are we not going to talk about this
another homophobe: he’s in denial don’t mind him
alcoholic: does that mean i can shoot my shot
alcoholic: chuuya let’s kiss
shrimp: bet
shrimp: also kouyou i’m ignoring you.
twinkie pie: wow.
twinkie pie: why does everyone suddenly want chuuya.
twinkie pie: he’s not even allat.
diabetes: biggest lie of 2023
homophobe smh: He’s objectively very attractive.
alcoholic: KUNIKIDA STOP😭
diabetes: didn’t know you had it in you tbh like i’m seriously shocked rn
FURRY: he’s right tho
alcoholic: ATSUSHI??!!?!??!???!!??!
twinkie pie: ATSUSHI WTF?
diabetes: ATSUSHI?😨
FURRY: NO LIKE IN A BRO WAY I’M NOT SAYING I’M ATTRACTED TO HIM
fav sibling: suurree..🤨
FURRY: I’M SERIOUS
realest bully: fuck you atsushi
FURRY: I DON’T WANT NAKAHARA IN THAT WAY GIYS PLEASE STOP
bitchless: welcome to the club
actually creepy: we support you
FURRY: NONONONONONONO
> FURRY: I DON’T WANT NAKAHARA..
alcoholic: i do😮💨
skull emoji: real
homophobe smh: i second that
bitchless: i third that
realest bully: atsushi fourths that apparently
FURRY: ONG STIP IM GINAN CRY
boo canceled: i fifth that
FURRY: FOUR!!! YOURE THE FLIPPING FOUR!!! I DPNTT CPUNT STOP IT
shrimp: SHIRASE?!?
twinkie pie: i’d say smth but like
shrimp: DAZAU WTF WHATS WROGNF WIJT YUOU GUYS
twinkie pie: i’m kidding chill🙄
alcoholic: i’m not (and youre not either💀)
> FURRY: FOUR!!! YOURE THE FL…
fav sibling: did blud just say flipping
FURRY: stop omg kunikida-san will beat me up if ill cuss
diabetes: yosano did you forget you’re lesbian again
alcoholic: shit
alcoholic: my bad
alcoholic: WOMEN‼️💪❤️
twinkie pie: fag
alcoholic: i dont wanna hear anything from the guy who’s been thirsting over a literal ginger fuckboy the past 20 mins.
twinkie pie: LITERALLY HOW
alcoholic: screenshooting all of your dms rn
twinkie pie: yosano actually i just wanted to randomly tell you that i actually heart you sm and like you’re my bestest friend ever and ilysm like youre so beautiful everytime i see you i just wanna platonically make out with you like you cant even believe how honored i am to be breathing the same air as you
alcoholic: was about to blush over this but then realized you’re literally a man
alcoholic: nour thank yeww
another homophobe: errmm i don’t wanna interrupt but like, just a quick reminder, i am going to eat your insides if you call my brother a fuckboy again!!
alcoholic: yes ma’am🙏
shrimp: kouyou not even i get that offended by it like cmon now
> skull emoji: real
furry liker: i thought you were over begging for chuuya-sans dick
fav sibling: RYUU
twinkie pie: this is why your name is skull emoji you whore
skull emoji: ngh
twinkie pie: .
twinkie pie: i’ll admit i set myself up for that.
diabetes: i hate this gc already
alcoholic: shut up you live for drama
diabetes: i do.
shrimp: i’m still not over shirase admitting he wants me wth
boo canceled: NO ITS LIKE, I’M NOT INTO YOU BUT IF YOU’D ASK ME OUT I’D IMMEDIATELY SAY YES YK WHAT I MEAN
shrimp: BRO YUANUS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND CMON
realest bully: that’s crazy like actually
twinkie pie: chuuya using yuanus
twinkie pie: i’m happy
alcoholic: simp
diabetes: simp
another homophobe: simp
alcoholic: great minds think alike ;)
another homophobe: you flirted with my brother i don’t fw you
alcoholic: NOOOOOOO I DIDNT MEAN IT
shrimp: wow.💔
twinkie pie: i’m here for you chuuya
shrimp: thank you. this is really hard to process for me.
alcoholic: STOP ONG
diabetes: I’M CTING
twinkie pie: so you’ll let me hit?
shrimp: no
twinkie pie: ok. haha. didn’t mean it anyways.
realest bully: thats so painful to watch like actually
twinkie pie: close your eyes. don’t talk to me.