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Dutch turns to follow Micah, leaving the man he had practically raised bleeding out, dying on the ground behind him, when he hears it. A soft whimper. It causes him to pause. He hasn’t heard Arthur make a sound like the last time he was little. Back when Hosea was still alive, back when Arthur still trusted him. Back when he deserved that trust.
He shakes his head, trying to dispel the thoughts clouding his brain. He must have heard wrong. He was about to try to catch up with Micah, who is much further up the path now, when he hears a soft almost whispered, “D-daddy?” Making him freeze in his tracks.
He turns slowly back around, looking down at Arthur. Arthur looks up at him from his spot on the hard ground, now curled into a ball, tears steadily running down his cheeks, blood trickling in a steady stream from his mouth. He’s staring wide eyed, terrified. “Daddy, no go. P’ease, no go.”
Dutch near collapsed, a brief moment of clarity slamming into him. He’s horrified. What has he done? He feels shame curl around him, constricting his chest, making it hard to breathe. “Arthur, I-“
Arthur crumples at Dutch’s hesitancy, crying softly. He reaching out to him with both hands, making grabby hands. “Daddy, no go. P’ease no go. I scared. It hurts. Not wanna be ‘lone. P’ease.”
Dutch rushes over, not able to resist offering comfort to his baby who so obviously needs it. He kneels down beside him, placing his head in his lap and stroking his hair. “Sssh, baby. Daddy’s here.”
Arthur whimpers, grabbing onto Dutch’s shirt and burying his head into it. “Daddy, want Mama!” He sobs.
Dutch’s breath catches in his throat, his eyes tearing up as well. He grabs Arthur a little tighter to him, only to remember how hurt Arthur is when he lets out a little cry. “I know, lamb, I know. I want him too. But-“ He breaks off, letting out his own sob. “But Daddy can’t get you Mama. I’m sorry.”
Arthur breaks down even further, near wailing into Dutch. “Daddy, p’ease! Need Mama! Need him now.”
Dutch shakes his head, feeling helpless. “I’m so sorry, darlin’. Mama isn’t here right now.” He swallows hard. “But you’ll see him soon, sweetheart. You’ll see him real soon. That’ll be fun, yeah? You’ll get to see Mama again. I’m sure he’ll be so proud of you.”
Arthur sniffles. “Really? Mama proud?”
Dutch shakes his head, unable to speak. Arthur’s eyes flutter and he lets out another whine. “Daddy, it hurted. P’ease make it go ‘way.”
Dutch shivers. He could. He could make it go away instantly for Arthur. It wouldn’t be a bad way to go. It would be quick, merciful. The gun is still just a few feet away from where Arthur had been reaching for it. He looks over to it. But he just can’t. He’s not strong enough. He can swear he can hear Hosea shouting at him from the afterlife, telling him how much of a coward he is. And he knows he is. But he can’t help it. Is it really so bad that he wants Arthur even just a few moments more?
“I’m sorry, lamb. Daddy can’t. I’m so sorry.” Dutch pulls him tighter, ignoring the little whimper he makes, pressing his forehead against Arthur’s. “But you’ll see Mama again.”
Arthur barely coughs, not having enough energy for his body to fully heave. “Daddy? You see Mama too?”
Tears drip down Dutch’s face as he shakes his head. “I’m afraid not, darlin’. Not anytime soon, unfortunately. But do me a favor?”
Arthur blinks up at him, eyes fluttering, his breath getting more shallow. Dutch has to swallow a few times. “Tell Mama that Daddy’s sorry. He’s so very sorry.”
He watches as Arthur takes his final wheezing breaths before his chest stops moving. He lays his hand over where his heart should be beating, just to feel nothing. It feels as Dutch’s stops as well, though he isn’t given that mercy. He feels as if a new wave of agony shoots through him with each heartbeat. This was his fault. He sees that now.
He slides out from under Arthur, gently lying his head on the ground and closing his eyes, the sunrise shining on his now peaceful looking face. “I’m so sorry, baby boy.” He whispers.
He knows he should bury him; Hosea would have wanted that. Hosea wouldn’t have let it happen in the first place though. And there’s no more time. Besides, selfish as it is, he doesn’t think he can bear to see his baby being set in the ground, slowly covered with dirt. The last thing he’ll ever see of him.
He turns and sprints off. Maybe just maybe he’ll get lucky and be able to join them soon. After all, there really is nothing left for him to live for.