Chapter Text
Theseus: Stop. Give me your hand. I am your friend.
Herakles: I fear to stain your clothes with blood.
Theseus: Stain them, I don't care.
Hoseok thinks about that moment a lot.
The moment his name was called during the Reaping, and less than a second later Yoongi was on his feet, his hand in the air, volunteering instead of him. There was no trace of hesitation in Yoongi's movement or on his face. He looked like he was volunteering to do something mundane like fetching water for one of his neighbors and not giving up his life to save Hoseok's. He didn't even look at him, didn't even spare a glance at Hoseok, he just walked to the podium as everyone watched.
Taehyung had to hold him back from marching after Yoongi. He knew that he couldn’t go after him, that he couldn’t even talk to him. Only the family members of the tributes could say their goodbyes behind the scene before they had to get on the train and leave for the Capitol city, but Yoongi had no one except Hoseok and his family.
He tries to not think about the way he cried in his bed, clutching his pillow to his chest. He was so scared of losing Yoongi forever; it felt like he might die because of it. His cries turned into sobs, and his whole body was shaking so badly that he ended up throwing up everywhere. Taehyung had to clean it all up because Hoseok couldn’t stop trembling for even a second. For the first time in a long time, they slept in the same bed.
It reminded Hoseok of all the times he and Yoongi had sleepovers, and Taehyung kept insisting that he wants to join too. Hoseok ignored the strange twinkle in his brother’s eyes and ignored all the things it could mean.
It’s been more than two weeks since Yoongi became a tribute and less than three days since he won the Hunger Games. He’s finally coming home today.
As soon as Hoseok’s eyes are open, he’s out of his bed, running over to Taehyung’s room. He throws the door wide open and jumps on his brother’s bed, trying to shake the boy awake. He feels so childish but he needs to share his excitement with someone or he might pass out.
“Taehyugie,” Hoseok sings right into his ear. “Guess what day it is!”
Taehyung murmurs something incomprehensible as he tries to turn on his other side but Hoseok doesn’t relent.
“You don’t want me to tickle you, do you?” he threatens lightly. As though a switch was flipped, Taehyung immediately sits up, holding his arms in front of his body defensively.
“Please, don’t,” Taehyung says, trying his best not to yawn, and slumps against the wall when he sees Hoseok lowering his arm. “I know what day it is.”
An excited smile appears on both of their lips.
“He’s coming home,” Hoseok whispers like it’s a secret that no one can know except everyone knows. Everyone has been talking about how happy they are about Yoongi’s return. He has always been well-liked in their District, always helping others and reaching out to those who may need it.
Hoseok knows it’s not a competition but he thinks no one is as happy as him that Yoongi is back.
“Yeah, he is,” Taehyung says and the smile slowly disappears from his face. “Do you think he’ll be the same?”
“Does it matter? It’s Yoongi,” Hoseok shrugs. He knows what his brother’s so worried about; five years ago another boy from their District won the Hunger Games. He was only eighteen, much younger than Yoongi is now but still he won, and it changed him. Although Hoseok doesn’t know Kim Namjoon personally, he always heard others talk about how he was not the same person anymore. Apparently, Namjoon used to like to go to the nearby forest, wander around for hours, and now he barely leaves his house.
“Aren’t you worried about it though?” Taehyung frowns.
“Of course, I do but he already did the hardest part and came back to us,” Hoseok clarifies quickly, placing a comforting hand on his brother’s shoulder. “We all saw what he had to do to survive and win… I–I don’t doubt that it fucked him up but we are both here for him, right? Like we always were.”
“And mom too. She’s here for him too,” Taehyung nods, and Hoseok pinches his cheek.
“That’s right. What he needs right now is a strong support system and people around him who love and support him,” Hoseok says confidently. He can’t wait to have Yoongi in his arms again. It feels like it’s been five years since they’ve last seen each other but that’s so far from the truth because Hoseok watched him on the screen every single day. His mind was filled with nothing but Yoongi.
“Who love him,” Taehyung repeats with a teasing tone, and Hoseok feels his face burn. He’s not used to the fact that Tae knows — that literally every single person who watched the game knows to some extent. “I wonder who loves him so, so, so, so much.”
Hoseok flicks him on the forehead, hard. “You love him too.”
“Not as much as you,” Tae counters immediately. “But seriously… If you think that’s what he needs then I’ll follow your lead. You know him the best and I…” A big sigh leaves the younger’s mouth. “I just want things to go back to the way they were.”
“So do I,” Hoseok nods, his eyes wandering to the clock on Taehyung’s desk. They have less than thirty minutes before the train arrives. “I asked Mom to make some chicken noodle soup yesterday.”
“Ah, yes, his favorite,” Taehyung says, like Hoseok did something very smart.
“So we can invite him over and feed him to death,” Hoseok explains as he gets off the bed and goes to Taehyung’s wardrobe to quickly pick out something for him.
“He must’ve lost some weight,” he hums from behind Hoseok. “Soup doesn't fill you up too much though. I’m always hungry an hour later.”
Hoseok finds a baggy, brown pants and a gray t-shirt and throws it at him, then says, “Well, Mom says she’ll only use one part of the chicken for the soup and she’ll make something special out of the other parts. It’s a secret though.”
Tae gets out of his bed too and starts undressing quickly.
“I love secrets,” Taehyung sighs. “So what’s our plan? We go to the train station, hunt down Yoongi and bring him back here?”
Hoseok tilts his head to the side. He’s not sure it’ll be that easy. “If we’re lucky, there won’t be too many people waiting for him but that’s not very realistic. We have to get a good spot for him to notice us.”
“Or we have to be really loud,” Tae adds as he hops around on one leg, pulling his pants up.
“Yes, that too!”
Hoseok stares out the window. He can’t really see much more than the brown leaves of a tree and the blue sky but that’s the tree they used to climb on as children and it’s the same sky that they used to lay under, observing the stars, pointing out constellations for each other. He doesn’t understand why every good memory feels so far away now.
It feels like he hasn’t been happy for a long time but today… Everything is different today; the brown leaves look more interesting and the sky seems bluer than usual. Hoseok feels so hopeful and excited that he couldn’t put it into words.
He wonders if Yoongi really missed him as Hoseok missed him. Wonders if Yoongi is as eager to see him. Wonders if he’s had dreams of them embracing, holding each other so tightly that they can barely breathe. Hoseok’s heart bounces around in his ribcage, wreaking havoc inside him.
“–eok!”
Hoseok whips his head around to look at Taehyung. “Huh? Did you say something?”
“Yeah, I said get dressed or we’re going to miss him,” says Tae again now that he has the other’s attention.
“Right. Meet you at the front door in a few minutes,” Hoseok says, and goes back to his room, putting on the first thing he finds, which is a black t-shirt and blue pants. He looks down at himself. It feels wrong to be dressed so casually for such a huge event but it’s not like he has anything better. Most people can’t afford nice clothes in their District; that’s just the way it is.
Hoseok takes a huge breath and then exhales it.
Yoongi won’t care what he’s wearing, he never cared about something so unimportant. And Hoseok hasn’t worried about something so trivial before either.
He shakes his head, letting go of his anxieties. The only thing that matters is Yoongi, everything else is just noise.
Hoseok was right; there were a lot of people waiting to welcome Yoongi, but he didn't think the crowd would be this huge. It becomes clear very quickly to both of them that they shouldn’t even try to get close to the station itself as it seems like the most crowded part.
Hoseok holds onto Taehyung’s wrist tightly as he tries to cut through the crowd. There’s a road that leads from the station to the Victors’ Village, and that’s where Yoongi will walk through with the Peacekeepers. If they could just get close enough to the side of the road then they would have a chance to catch Yoong’s attention and to give him a signal.
“Hyung,” Tae whines right into his ears. “You’re squeezing my wrist too hard.”
“I’m sorry but I don’t want to accidentally lose you here,” Hoseok shouts but his grip on Taehyung loosens the tiniest bit. He keeps pushing forward, craning his neck, trying to find the gaps between people to make their journey a little easier.
Out of nowhere, Taehyung falls into his back, making them both stumble forward but luckily neither of them falls to the ground since there’s not enough space for that. Hoseok looks back at Tae to make sure he’s okay and when the younger nods, Hoseok continues shuffling through the crowd.
Excited claps erupt from the crowd somewhere in the distance as he finally spots an empty path between the mass of bodies.
“I think Yoongi-hyung is coming,” Tae informs.
“Yeah, I know,” Hoseok nods. “We are still too far away though.”
“Just keep pushing closer. I bet he’ll be searching for us in the crowd so he has to notice us,” he shouts as the claps and shouting becomes louder. Hoseok’s heartbeat becomes more forceful too, thumping ‘Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi’ over and over again.
There’s only five meters or so between them and the edge of the road when Hoseok sees the first Peacekeeper, dressed in an all white suit with a helmet and rifle, walking down the road. Then there’s another one and another and another. Hoseok thinks he can hear Taehyung let out a big gasp although he’s not too sure since the crowd has gotten deafeningly loud.
It’s Namjoon that Hoseok notices first. He looks like he always does; short black hair, neutral facial expression, dressed elegantly in different shades of brown. He’s handsome in a quiet, calm way but something is unsettling in his eyes.
Yoongi is walking right next to him, and Hoseok’s blood freezes inside his veins. He looks exactly how he always did but at the same time, he looks so different: his long, black hair is pushed back from his forehead, a bandage is covering his right eye and on top of that, he’s dressed just as neatly as Namjoon, white shirt, and black pants. Hoseok has never seen him in anything like this in real life. It’s so foreign and almost wrong.
There’s no emotion on his face either and he doesn’t make eye contact with anyone. It seems more like he’s purposefully avoiding looking at anyone. Tae shouts Yoongi’s name but they get no reaction, and Hoseok wouldn't be surprised if Yoongi didn’t hear them at all.
Tae tries again and again until they can only see the back of the older’s head. Hoseok’s heart pangs with sadness because they failed.
Tae leans his forehead against his shoulder, and Hoseok knows it’s time to go home.
Hoseok was never that good at climbing trees. Yoongi and Taehyung were much better at it, and they all knew it. It feels ironic that it’s him climbing over the fence of the Victors’ Village just to get to Yoongi.
The fence is no joke; it’s tall and spiky and honestly, scary. It scraped the skin off his leg in one spot, and it really stings but it doesn’t seem that big of a deal when he thinks about all the things Yoongi had to do in the Arena instead of him. Hoseok can deal with a little scratch.
The Victors’ Village is different from the other parts of the District; the houses are bigger and look much warmer and safer. For the past five years, the only person who lived here was Namjoon in the house furthest from the gate but now Yoongi does too.
There are only two houses with smoke coming from their chimney so it’s child’s play to figure out which one is Yoongi’s. Hoseok sneaks up to the door and knocks but nothing happens. He tries again, knocking firmer now.
Hoseok sighs in disappointment when the door doesn’t open. Maybe Tae was right. His brother suggested that they should wait until tomorrow to come here, and Hoseok agreed. He really tried to fall asleep after that but he just couldn’t. He needed to see Yoongi today so he sneaked out and left Tae behind. He knew Tae would be upset with him but that wasn’t enough to stop him.
He’s not ready to give up just yet though. He walks around the house, looking through each window, trying to spot Yoongi. He notices a light flickering in one of the windows and quietly approaches it. He has to put his hands on the window sill to push himself up to be able to see the whole room well.
The room is dark except for the fireplace that’s still burning in the opposite corner. Hoseok has never seen so many pieces of furniture in one room in his entire life, some of them he couldn’t even name if he tried. This is a luxury that only victors deserve. His breath stutters when he sees Yoongi right under the window, curled up on a couch, sleeping. Hoseok’s heart aches because he doesn’t want to wake him but… He wants Yoongi to look at him again so desperately.
He raises his fist and knocks. Even though his knuckles touch the glass gently, Yoongi reacts like he’s been shot at. He falls to the floor, immediately trying to get away from the sound, scrambling as though he’s fearing for his life. Yoongi’s eyes flicker up to him, widening even further once he recognizes Hoseok. He presses a hand over his right eye and looks away.
Hoseok only realizes a second too late that Yoongi is no longer wearing the bandage over his eye and for a moment he just observes Yoongi, feeling very confused. Why is he hiding his wound? He almost looks embarrassed but that doesn’t make much sense. Everyone already saw him with it in the Arena.
Hoseok knocks impatiently again, and finally, Yoongi stands up from the floor and kneels on the couch to open the window.
“I’m sorry for scaring you,” is the first thing that Hoseok says.
Yoongi blinks at him. “What are you doing here?”
Hoseok is completely caught off guard by that question, his face setting into a frown. He was fully expecting him to be happy to see him but there’s not a trace of joy on his face. Yoongi always tends to be a little grumpy after waking up. He shoved Hoseok off the bed plenty of times for moving around too much.
“I came to see you,” Hoseok says, a lopsided smile appearing on his face. Even if for some reason, Yoongi can’t appreciate his presence, Hoseok still wants him to know that he’s very, very happy. “Tae said that we should wait until the morning but I needed to see you.”
Hoseok already feels better; just being able to look at him in real life is the best gift he has ever gotten from the universe. His heart clenches inside his chest because he looks so beautiful. The moon illuminates the side of his face while the fireplace casts light on his hair — the pretty mix of warm and cool light makes Yoongi seem both welcoming and cold at the same time. His wound is bigger up close, it starts at the middle of his cheek and ends at his forehead, it looks red, irritated. Most likely it will leave a scar but Hoseok thinks that it suits him somehow. It doesn’t take anything away from his beauty, it just gives him an edge. It makes him look a little less soft and more rugged.
“Taehyung was right. You should go home,” Yoongi says after a moment of silence.
The frown reappears immediately.
“But I—” Hoseok tries to object but Yoongi cuts him off quickly.
“We can talk later, okay?” he says, giving the younger a stern look. It makes Hoseok feel almost… guilty as though he did something wrong. “Whatever you want to say, it can wait until tomorrow, Hoseok.”
Hoseok. Hoseok?
Not Seok-ah? Or even Hoseok-ah?
Suddenly, he feels like someone forgot to tell him something important that he should know.
“Okay but—” He hesitates. He doesn’t want to keep bothering Yoongi if he doesn’t want to talk but this weird behavior is putting him on edge. “Are you okay?”
Yoongi’s eyes dart up towards the moon then down at Hoseok again. The older sighs like he’s growing frustrated with him.
Instead of answering, he asks, “Are you okay?”
This feels more like the Yoongi that he knows – the one who’s always worried about others instead of himself.
“I’m better now that you’re back,” Hoseok beams. It’s one last attempt to see if he can break through, if he can get a smile out of Yoongi. He’s willing to take even the smallest of smiles.
“Yeah, I’m back,” Yoongi nods. “Sleep well.”
The window closes and then the only thing Hoseok can see is the heavy, red curtain that’s obstructing his view. He lowers himself back to the ground slowly and starts walking back to the fence, completely speechless and dumbfounded. He doesn’t even really remember how he climbs over it again, his head swimming with so many questions.
A gentle breeze brushes against his cheeks, trying to soothe him but the longer he thinks, the more dread takes over his body. He hasn’t considered it before that it might have been all a ploy; a clever trick to help himself in a time of need. Yoongi did need help at the time, a whole lot of it but still…
Why would he say all that? Why would he lie like that when he knew Hoseok was watching too? Why didn’t he just come up with another story?
Why did Yoongi make him think that his love was requited?
Hoseok trips on something invisible and falls forwards, his knees and elbows hitting the cold ground hard. A teardrop trickles down his cheek, falling from his chin to his forearm as he stares into nothingness. He thought…
He really thought Yoongi finally loved him too.
< fifth day in the arena >
Hoseok feels like he’s going to puke as he watches Yoongi crawl on the ground, leaving a bloody trail behind. It’s the single scariest thing that he has ever witnessed in his life; watching Yoongi get weaker and paler as the hours pass.
There’s a crowd at the town hall and they are all watching the game play out on the big projector as the Peacekeepers walk around them, making sure that everyone is paying attention. Hoseok wishes he was home, in his bed, wearing the shirt that he stole from Yoongi’s house seven days ago. He doesn’t want to watch Yoongi di—
Someone takes his hands gently and he doesn’t have to look to know it’s Taehyung, trying to comfort him but not even he can ease Hoseok’s mind right now. Not when everything is so horrible and tragic.
Yoongi leans against a tall tree and finally, the audience catches sight of the deep wound in his inner thigh. It bleeds steadily. He needs to stop the bleeding before it’s too late but they all saw Yoongi lose his backpack earlier in a fight, and he has nothing that would help him.
Hoseok watches as Yoongi looks around himself and when he spots the drone that’s currently broadcasting him from the distance, he waves for it to come closer. The drone or whoever’s controlling it decides to move closer and closer until only Yoongi’s upper body and face is in the frame.
He can see Yoongi’s face more clearly now; dirt and mud cover most of his skin, his eyes aren’t nearly as warm as they usually are and he just looks tired and in pain. Hoseok’s whole body aches for him.
Yoongi’s head rolls back, eyes squeezed shut, and he looks like he’s about to cry but only a shaky exhale leaves his mouth.
“Please,” Yoongi whispers. “I need help. I don’t want to die.”
Hoseok squeezes Taehyung’s hand hard as Yoongi begs the Sponsors.
“I want to go back to him. I never had the chance to—” Yoongi’s voice breaks like glass on stone. His head falls forward, and his whole body is visibly shaking. “I’ll do anything. Just—Please! I volunteered in his place — in Hoseok’s place because I’m in love with him.”
The crowd gasps as one, several heads turn in Hoseok’s direction but Hoseok barely even notices it. He’s too distracted by the rapid beat of his heart and Yoongi’s words. The pain inside his chest intensifies, tears filling his eyes because… All this time, he thought that Yoongi didn’t like him.
Yoongi loves him.
Yoongi loves him back.
And there’s nothing Hoseok could do about it except watch the projector and let his heart fill up with the most cruciating pain.
Yoongi slowly raises his head up, looking straight into the camera. There are tears in his eyes and Hoseok has never seen him so broken before.
“I want to go back to him and tell him how much I love him. God, I miss him so fucking much. Please, please, send me something–anything! Don’t let me die yet,” Yoongi begs, tears streaming heavily down his face. “I–I just wanted to keep him safe. Why should I be punished for that?”
Hoseok turns away, unable to keep looking at Yoongi. A few more quiet sobs come from Yoongi’s mouth then the live-feed switches to another tribute.