Chapter Text
He didn’t know how or why, and he hated to admit it (even if only to himself), but Erik had fallen for Charles the moment he’d felt the presence of the other man inside his head that night in the ocean.
Perhaps it was because Charles had saved his life. Or perhaps (and Erik thought this possibility was far more likely) it was the fact that Charles Xavier was the first person Erik met (other than Schmidt) who was like himself. Mutants, Charles had called them.
Erik hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how wonderful it had felt to have the telepath in his mind and how much he wanted to feel it again. He wondered if he’d need to endure another near death experience in order to be granted the privilege of Charles’s voice in his head again. As much as he liked to think of himself as in perfect control, he’d probably try to raise another submarine if that was what it would take.
He’d been flirting with Charles in the hours that had passed since then, hoping the other man would catch on and return his affections. Unfortunately for Erik, Charles didn’t seem to. Some of it had been fairly obvious, too. Charles’s refusal to acknowledge Erik’s intent (which he surely must have noticed, being a telepath and all) had to have been his way of making it clear that he wasn’t interested without saying so and risking hurting Erik’s feelings.
Erik wasn’t bothered by the fact that Charles didn’t want him. It wasn’t like they’d be seeing each other ever again after he stole the CIA’s files on Schmidt (or Shaw, as they called him). Erik wondered if he’d spend the rest of his life reminiscing on how wonderful it had felt to have a telepath in his head. But perhaps if Charles had been interested, he would have stayed and helped him, like Charles’s government friends seemed to think he would.
“From what I know about you, I’m surprised you’ve managed to stay this long.”
He hadn’t been expecting Charles to call after him as he left. He’d hoped he would be able to get the files and get out of there without anyone seeing him. If any of the CIA’s people had caught him, he could easily have used his powers to incapacitate them so he could leave without being arrested.
But it wasn’t any of them. It was Charles. Beautiful, powerful Charles who Erik desperately wanted in his mind and in his bed. Happy as Erik was to see him, running off would have been far easier if he wasn’t faced with the one thing about this place that he was reluctant to leave.
“What do you know about me?”
“Everything.”
Had Charles been rooting around in his mind without him being able to feel it? Terrifying as it was, the idea of Charles being able to do such a thing only made Erik desire him even more.
“Then you know to stay out of my head.” As much as he desperately wanted to share his mind with Charles, he knew that a lot of what was in there was incredibly unpleasant, and he’d never wish to burden Charles with all the atrocities he’d experienced. Charles shouldn’t have to see any of that.
“I’m sorry, Erik, but I’ve seen what Shaw did to you. I’ve felt your agony. I can help you.”
So he had been in Erik’s mind without his knowledge or consent. Erik wished Charles had allowed him to feel his presence, to feel that sense of calm that overtook him, that sense of peace that came with knowing that he wasn’t alone and that Charles would protect him.
Oh, how desperately Erik wanted to accept Charles’s help.
“I don’t need your help,” he insisted, more to convince himself than Charles. He had been just fine on his own for years, and all it took was one day and one telepath to convince him otherwise? He needed to pull himself together, not to stay here and continue to let his emotions get the better of him. The only emotion he had time for was his anger.
“Don’t kid yourself. You needed my help last night. It’s not just me you’re walking away from. Here you have a chance to be a part of something much bigger than yourself.”
And Erik couldn’t be sure if this next bit was said out loud or telepathically, but he felt the wonderful presence of Charles in his mind again as he heard the words: “And it needs you, Erik.”
That presence was gone as quickly and easily as it had appeared, it was as if Charles was teasing him with what he could have if he only stayed.
“I won’t stop you leaving,” Charles told him. “I could. But I won’t.”
It took far too much of Erik’s self control to not beg him to. The idea of Charles taking over his mind and forcing him to stay should have been terrifying, but Erik found himself wanting it more than almost anything. He was already beginning to grow hard at the mere thought of it and was quite ashamed of himself for that. He should be terrified of Charles, and a part of him was, but somehow, that only made the man even more alluring. Erik knew he shouldn’t be so desperate to lose every bit of his self control to someone else, yet for some reason, he was.
“Shaw’s got friends,” Charles said as he walked away, leaving Erik on his own to make his decision. “You could do with some.”
Erik was tempted to stay, if for no reason other than for the opportunity to spend more time with him. But he had a mission to complete, a man to kill. There simply wasn’t time for feelings like these.
Or was there? Maybe Charles really could help him. Maybe he’d be stronger allied with others like him. And maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that Charles wasn’t wholly uninterested in him. If he was, why would he have bothered to seek Erik out and attempt to persuade him against leaving?
Maybe it would be worth it to stick around, at least for a little while.