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There was something intoxicating about kissing Barney. The sweet taste of whiskey and strawberries, along with the warmth of his lips against Ted’s, never failed to make him weak at the knees. He loved spending time kissing him, with no need to move things further.
He whimpered as his back hit the door, the knob digging into his back. Barney licked into his mouth, sending a surge of heat to his lower abdomen. “We should probably get inside,” Ted managed to whisper against his lips.
However, Barney paid him no mind, his lips tracing a path down Ted’s throat and sucking at his collarbone, right on the spot that drove Ted wild. Ted, momentarily overwhelmed, grappled for his keys. “Hold on.”
Barney let out a whine, plastering himself against Ted’s back as he turned to open the door and guide them inside. Ted wasted no time, swiftly spinning Barney around. A muffled ‘oomph’ escaped his lips as his back collided with the door, stifled by Ted’s own mouth. Their lips moved against each other before Ted pulled away and dropped to his knees.
Barney’s head thudded back against the door as he reached over blindly for the light switch. Barney’s belt buckle came into view. Ted fully unbuckled it as he rubbed Barney through his pants.
“Carl.” Barney panted.
Ted drew back. “Did you just mistake me for our bartender?”
“No,” Barney said, grinning. “Carl’s here.”
Ted leapt up from his knees, desire turning into confusion. He whirled around to see their friends and others gathered by the mantle, each with varying degrees of disappointment on their faces. Robin, Marshall, and Lily stand on one side, with Alex, Mrs. Matsen, and Carl on the other. Lily and Robin held up a sign. Big red letters spelling out INTERVENTION glared at him.
Ted and Barney groaned. “What?”
Robin cleared her throat and started reading off her paper. “Ted. Barney. You guys are our friends-”
“Seriously, another intervention. I thought we said it was for important things only,” Barney whined.
“You guys are our friends,” Robin continued, louder. “We are glad that you have found love in each other. Falling for your best friends is one of the most amazing feelings, and we are glad that you guys are exploring this part of your relationship. We all just wish it wasn’t in front of us.”
“We don’t do anything in front of you,” Ted sputtered.
“If you guys wanted a show, all you had to do was ask,” Barney smirked.
“C’mon, Barney, this is serious,” Lily grumbled.
Barney held his hands up. “Alright, let’s hear it.”
“I’ll go first. I’m only here because your friends dragged me here, so I’ll keep it short. I’ve gotta bar to run.” Carl said.
“Fine, yeah, go on,” Ted sighed.
The bar was almost empty, most of the patrons choosing to go home early on weekdays. The only people still here were the rowdy drunks in the back, and Marshall, Robin, and Lily sitting at their usual table; Barney and Ted were nowhere to be found.
Seeing as no one wanted any drinks, Carl packed up the trash and slung it over his shoulder, walking out back. He silently prayed that no drunks were hiding out in his trash cans.
The back alley of the bar was a normal place to find couples making out, having quickies, or sometimes even full-on fucking. So was Carl surprised when he found Barney on his knees for Ted while he threw the trash in the dumpster? No, he was not. But that didn’t mean they were allowed out there.
“Oi. You two. Get back inside.”
Barney got to his feet as Ted tucked himself back into his pants. “Why do you have to ruin the fun?” Barney complained.
“I will call the police and have you arrested for public indecency.”
“You would lose your best customers.”
Carl considered this. “I would lose half my profits. Fine, but get inside.”
“And look, I'm happy you two found each other. It beats Ted being mopey all the time-”
“I’m not mopey.” At least not all the time.
“But that was the fifth time I caught you guys in the past three days. I know it's a new relationship, but reel it in, guys. At least find a bed.”
Barney waved him off. “Everyone makes out behind bars. I don’t see how that’s relevant to us.”
Carl held his hands up. “I did my part,” he said to their friends. “I’ve got a bar to run. Good luck. I’ve been trying to stop Barney for years. It’s not gonna happen.”
“Thanks anyway, Carl,” Marshall called. “Save me a cocktail. You know the one.”
Mrs. Matsen spoke up in a meek voice. “Can I go next? I don’t want to hear what you young kids get up to.”
“Yes, of course,” Lily responded.
Mrs. Matsen puttered around her kitchen, arranging everything perfectly.. Her son was coming with her new grandbaby, and she couldn’t be more thrilled. She planned to spoil that thing rotten. She knew his wife might leave the baby here all the time because of her work, and she couldn’t wait to spend time with it.
She couldn’t remember the last time she held a little baby and cared for it. Her son grew up too fast. She longed for the days when she watched him take his first steps and roll around in mud puddles in the park.
A thud on her door interrupted her reminiscing. She went over to open it with a smile on her face. It slid off when the door swung open and two people fell at her feet, tangled up in each other.
She peered down to take in the wild scene. Ted, the man that lived next door, a sweet kid, charming, looking for love, laid on top of Barney. One of his friends, she presumed, but by the position they landed in, Mrs. Matsen thinks it was more than. “Good heavens, are you two alright.”
Ted coughed, getting up and helping his partner. “Yeah.”
“We’re sorry about that madam. It’s just that Ted was looking absolutely gorgeous, and I just couldn’t wait to jump his bones.”
“Well, do the jumping of bones outside. My grandkid is coming over.”
‘Of course.” Barney pulled Ted out of her apartment. “You have a lovely home.”
“And then they ran out.”
“Hey,” Alex said, smiling. “That reminds me of India, when Barney and Mi-”
“No!” Barney yelled, leaping over the couch and tackling Alex. Alex cackled as Barney held her down. “You promised.”
Everyone ignored them, used to it by now. They had their own tidbits and jokes from before Barney met the gang. They learned not to question anything they said, knowing they wouldn’t get a straight answer. Ted had his head buried in his hands, and groaned into them. “I am so sorry about that, Mrs. Matsen.”
“It’s alright, my dears. I remember being that young and in love. Oh me and Harold were insatiable.”
“Okay, mental image,” Marshall grimaced.
“No, it is not alright,” Robin stressed. “I shouldn’t need to bleach my eyes out every time I try to get ready for work.”
“I really should be going,” Mrs. Matsen said. “My daughter-in-law is dropping off Katie.”
“Yes, thank you, Mrs. Matsen,” Lily replied. “Let me walk you out.”
Alex shoved Barney off of her and brushed off her clothes. She pulled out her letter and cleared her throat. Barney rolled his eyes as Ted winced. He had a hunch about what she was going to say.
Alex was tired.
It had been a long, grueling day at work, and she wanted to stab her boss. All she craved to do now was collapse on Barney’s couch and watch reruns of Golden Girls.
Apparently that’s too much to ask, because when she opened the door, there Ted and Barney were, fucking on the couch, right where she slept.
“Dude, what the fuck?”
Barney and Ted both yelled. Ted hastily covered himself with a blanket. The blanket she used. She needed to burn it immediately.
Barney didn’t have the same shame and didn’t bother to cover up his still hard dick. “Hey Lex.”
Alex shut the door. Maybe Tina would let her crash at her place.
“Okay, I made it up to you for that,” Barney whined. “I replaced the couch, and then we both burned the other one on the roof.”
Ted figured he shouldn’t question it. It would lead to more questions.
“I know. But it is relevant. Look, I’m happy you’re only fucking one person, but does it have to be where I sleep?”
“Okay, do all of your stories go like this?” Ted asked.
“Pretty much,” Lily answered.
“Okay, well, we don’t have all day. We were just going to go have sex.”
“Seriously!” Robin yelled. “We are literally having an intervention for sex, and you’re plotting more sex.”
“Hey, you used literally correctly,” Ted exclaimed.
“Not the time.”
“Look, I'll be quick,” Marshall said.
“I’ll bet.” Barney smirked.
Marshall gave him a look before starting his story.
The contracts needed to be signed by Barney before five. Marshall was not certain as to why. These contracts seemed unrelated to Barney’s division. At least he doesn’t think so. Marshall remained clueless as to what Barney does for work. Apparently, no one in the office knew.
Marshall opened the office door and came face-to-face with Barney’s sweaty back. From his position at the door, he can see Ted’s head peeking out from the edge of the table.
“We are at work!” Marshall shouted.
The two of them jumped, Ted’s head thumping the table.
“Papers,” Marshall said, putting them on the desk by the door and shutting it. He was now going to drown his eyes under the bathroom faucet.
“It’s my office; the blinds were drawn and the door was closed,” Barney reasoned.
“But it was not locked.”
“You guys can see how this is a problem, right?" Robin asked.
“Yes.”
“No.”
“I caught you in our car,” Lily stated. Ted remembered that one. It was a good one. Lily and Marshall were taking too long at the supermarket, and they got bored.
“I need to power wash my car,” Marshall whispered, like his life was flashing between his eyes.
“And I walked in on you guys in this very room so many times,” Robin said. ”You were doing it right where Lily is sitting.”
“Nope.” Lily scrambled off the couch.
“You even did it in my bed. I had to replace my sheets.”
“I paid for the sheets,” Barney defended. “And in our defense, we were drunk and thought we were entering the house, not leaving the bathroom.”
“I mean, what do you want us to do?” Ted asked.
“Not have sex in common areas,” Robin said.
“But that’s just Ted’s room and my room, then. There are not enough places,” Barney whined.
“God, then move in together!” Alex exclaimed.
Ted stilled.
Did he entertain the idea of moving in with Barney? Yes, he had. Recently, he’d imagined how they could live together. Ted would wake up early and coax Barney out of bed with pancakes and blowjobs. He would come home to Barney lounging on the couch before heading to the bar with their friends, and they would come home and maybe cook dinner. It would be the perfect domestic scene.
He glanced over at Barney, who remained oddly quiet. “That’s a thought,” Ted finally said.
Barney cleared his throat. “Ted, it would be an honor if you moved in.”
Ted’s face split into a huge grin as he leapt over and hugged Barney, who had a similar smile on his face.
“Well, what about Alex?” Ted asked after they broke apart.
Alex waved him off. “Don’t worry about me. I’m out of town like half the time. I’ll find some place to stay.”
“You can move in with me,” Robin offered. “There’s a spare room, and we could split the rent.”
Alex grinned, throwing an arm around Robin. “Now that’s an idea.”
“Now that it’s all arranged, let’s toast,” Marshall said, bringing out champagne glasses and beers because they didn’t store actual champagne.
“To Barney and Ted and taking the next step,” Lily cheered.
“To taking the next step.”
Ted smiled over at Barney, hopeful for this new chapter in their lives.