Chapter Text
It all started when Kazuya got bored. I have the feeling that most of my 'adventures' have started for that precise reason. Hell, I'm pretty sure the main reason I'm even going to this school is because Kazuya was bored. When Kazuya gets bored, even the angels quake, and I'm no angel.
Waltzing into my room without knocking—he never knocks anymore—he exclaimed, "Eijun, I'm bored. Bored, bored, Booooored. Entertain me! I'm your senpai and that's your job. Take some responsibility!"
I was lying on my bed, reading the latest issue of the manga that's been floating around our class. I needed to hurry up and finish it; Kanemaru was impatiently waiting for me to get done. The story was getting really good, and I hoped we were finally going to get some answers about what experiments they've been performing on Yu, and see if Mika could rescue him from the laboratory, when Kazuya busted in with his complaint. I knew from the minute the door opened that I was going to have to pay attention to the needy catcher, so I quickly popped in a bookmark and closed the manga before he could strip it out of my hands. See? I can be taught.
He fell down onto the bed, landing on top of me. "Ooofff! Hey, shitty senpai, get off! Why do I have to entertain you? Go read a book or something!" Truthfully, I wasn't all that surprised to see him; I had just hoped to get done with the manga before he invaded. We were in a slow time; Spring Koshien was over, and the new year (with new kouhai to bother) had not yet started.
"Eijun, my dear, sweet, adorable kouhai," He singsonged at me, "you’ve got to entertain me because you’re my kouhai and because you want me to catch your pitches." Bastard. Always threatening me with that. "Plus, you’re my boyfriend and I looooove you!" He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips and sat up quickly, allowing me to breathe.
"Really, though, I'm bored. Wanna do something?" His eyes sparkled at me, and I'm pretty sure I'd do anything he asked.
Holding on to the very slim hope that he doesn't know this, I snarked, "I was doing something, Lazyuki, before you so rudely interrupted me." I sat up, crossing my legs, facing him. "Don't you have homework or something? Some captain-y work that needs to be done?"
"Nope, you're not getting out of it that easily, Ei-chan. It's you and me. Let's do something! I'm soooo bored; I can literally feel my life draining out of my body." He whined, eliciting a laugh from me.
I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, rubbing his back. "Oh, poor baby! We can't have Kazu-kun die of boredom, can we? Ok, what do you have in mind?" He looked at me and smirked, cocking an eyebrow.
"Oh, dear deity. Really? Now? Mochi's going to be back soon, and I think we've run out of high school make-out spots, don't you?"
"We can always go back to my room. It may not be private for much longer, you know. When the new batch comes in, I might get a roommate." Kazuya reminded me. I unfolded my legs and wrapped them around his waist, scooting close to him.
"Is that really what you want to do, or is that just the first thing you could think of doing?" I asked, resting my head on his shoulder. I was more than willing, but I didn't think he really wanted to.
He glared at me sullenly. "First thing, you jerk. I'm bored. Help me think of something to do!" I laughed, I couldn't help it. He looked so put out by the whole situation, as if the universe had set out to personally cause him the maximum possible ennui with no solution in sight.
He glared some more at me, grumpily muttering, "Some boyfriend you are!" as he crossed his arms and made a face that could be called nothing less than a pout. He was so cute, and I knew he'd be mortified that I thought so. I was just trying to sneak out my phone for a picture, because a guy needs all the blackmail material he can get when he's in love with a manipulative tanuki, when my text notification chimed. Shit. No sneak pic for me, dammit.
His phone chimed as well, indicating there was something going on in the group chat.
Opening my phone, I saw that Chris-senpai had sent me a private text:
‘dont let m read article'
No greeting, no signature, abbreviations from Chris-senpai? This must be really bad.
I looked at Kazuya and saw he was already reading something, a slight frown on his face. Too late. Quickly, I switched to the group chat to see what the issue was, how much damage control I was going to have to do. Beard-senpai had posted a link to an article, accompanied by his usual mix of profanity and philosophy. I gingerly pressed the link and started to read. Oh. Fuck. Oh no he didn't. I grabbed Kazuya just in time, stopping him from leaping off the bed and doing something that he'd probably never regret, but that might not be the best course of action right now.
"Let me go, I'm going to KILL him." He ranted, struggling.
I held on with both arms and legs, which were conveniently still wrapped around him. “No, Kazu, no. Settle down! Stop and think for a minute."
He looked at me murderously, mutinously, and waited. "You have one minute to convince me that death is not the correct response."
I sighed, and began to rub small circles in his back, trying to subtly soothe him while I racked my brain looking for the right way to approach the situation. "I'm not saying it's the wrong response, but I don't think it's the smart response. If you kill Mei, he'll be dead, and that's the end."
"That's the point, idiot."
"I know, but he won’t suffer. What if you could, instead, make his life a living hell? What if we made the whole of the Inashiro baseball team's life a living hell, and they knew it was all Mei's fault?" He lifted his head and looked at me, rage being replaced by consideration. Leaning over, he kissed me, hard.
"Ei, you're a genius!"
And that's how the Great Prank War of 2016 began.