Chapter Text
Gwyn rushes through the mountain pass as quietly as she can, dipping behind a rock formation to catch her breath. She had agreed to a 'game' of ninja with Azriel as a part of her training but forgot the most important part about this. Azriel can use his damned shadows to cheat. He swore he wouldn't allow them to give up her location, and in a way, she kind of trusts the cute little buggers to have her back.
She clutches her newly forged dagger in her hand, her knuckles white. As his mate, he insisted that she had a matching dagger to truthteller. It was perfect. She had named it liebreaker, a perfect equal to Azriel's, but with a glimmering teal gemstone, instead of sapphire.
She listens intently, not forgetting one of the most important things that he had told her before: spying goes hand in hand with training. You never know when simply listening can come to your aid.
Sneaking along the jagged wall of stone inch by inch, she hears a very minute crumbling noise coming from her right. A victorious smirk comes to her lips as she thanks the Cauldron for her nymph hearing, more acute than Azriel's.
Pushing off of the rock, she jumps out and tackles the hard body to the ground, her dagger at his pulse point, the gemstone sparkling in the sun.
Azriel's eyes are wide and stunned, as if he truly didn't believe she could win this.
"You underestimated me for the last time, Shadowsinger," she murmurs, leaning close to him.
Azriel's eyes go from shocked to amused, the blazing hazel seeming to glint, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as his pulse and their bond seem to thrum quicker. "I didn't hear you once, Valkyrie. You're getting better. But I was silent too. How did you know to attack to the right?"
She gently presses the blade further into his skin playfully, until a tiny bead of blood shows. "You're not as silent as you think, Spymaster. Maybe I'm better suited for that title."
His eyebrows raise. "You used your nymph hearing. Excuse me, that's cheating. I wasn't allowed use of my shadows!"
His shadows seem to squeal with amusement as they twirl around Gwyn, whispering to her that they may have moved a pebble or two.
"You traitors!" Az exclaims, pouting.
"Firstly, it's not cheating because unlike them, I can't actually order my hearing around. I just have it."
She leans down, dagger still at his throat as she kisses along the left side of his jaw. "But I suppose we can call a draw. Only since they admitted they helped me out. Even though I didn't need it. I would've won anyway."
"O-ho, would you now?"
"Mhmm," she grins, finally sheathing her dagger, still straddled on his hips.
Azriel reaches up and strokes the ribbon tied around her forehead before tugging at the loose tails of it, pulling her down into a searing kiss as she gasps in surprise. His free hand moves to her cheek as he kisses her and his wings flutter a bit under him.
Gwyn kisses back for a moment before smiling brightly. "Poor Illyrian baby, so desperate for a consolation prize."
Azriel gapes and lets out a deep, hearty chuckle before sitting up and rolling them off the side of the cliff. Gwyn lets out a panicked squeal and he laughs, holding her tightly to his chest as his wings catch the current of air. He flaps them hard until he can glide a bit, flying back to their new home.
"You bastard!", she says annoyedly, slapping his chest playfully. "I hate that! It's terrifying!"
Az smirks and looks down at her. "Tsk tsk, such a foul mouth for a Priestess. At least insult me with something clever and less overused."
She pants and nuzzles his neck, trying to calm her heartbeat. "It's not much of an insult coming from another bastard."
He snorts and presses a kiss to her head. "You did fantastic today. You are a formidable opponent, Berdara."
Gwyn clings to him tighter and nods. "You can just admit that I'm ready. You promised you'd take me on a mission for months now. I'm not a child, and I'm not some helpless victim anymore. I can hold my own."
Azriel flaps his wings and sighs. "I know you can."
"But you're still scared. Why, Az? Because I'm female?"
"No! That's not why. You're as good as any male would be."
"Then tell me why you keep avoiding the subject after you told me you'd let me go with you."
He lands on the balcony of their newly built home and sets her down on her feet, walking inside as she trails him. "Az!"
"Because I can't lose you!", he blurts out.
Gwyn looks at him as he runs his hands through his hair, frustratedly. "I-...I waited centuries for you, Gwyn. And this hesitation is not because of your skill or anything else. It's just that I have lived through so many great warriors getting cut down too early in their lives. Warriors and fighters who were just as good or better than you are. Male and female. And I can't lose you," he admits, his voice lowering to a whisper. "It would kill me too."
She goes over to him and leaps into his arms, her arms winding around his neck and her legs around his waist. "Az, if everyone in Prythian lived in fear every single day of dying or losing someone they care about, nothing would ever get done. That's paralyzing. Not living."
He sniffs and hugs her closely. "Things in my life tend to go bad when I feel happiness. And seeing as our wedding is coming up, it would track that tragedy would tear you away from me. I can't let that happen."
"That's why you've been making Cass train me, and being all aloof and fidgety. Why we had to gang up on you to take me to the mountain to train today."
"Missions can get very violent, and the situations can turn in very unexpected ways. Not only do I not want you seeing me as the villain I can become, but having you there and at risk will make me worse--as a protective mate. If anyone ever challenged you..." He trails off, and his voice shakes. "I don't know that I would leave them alive even if they were innocent. You're my mate, and I'm yours, and that protective monster will come out if you're in danger, and just being there puts you in danger."
"I'd be a distraction then..."
"I know that sounds ridiculous."
She blushes and looks into his eyes. "No. It doesn't. See, the good thing about working in a library is that you have time to research things endlessly. And when you're curious and lonely for years on end, you research things like mate bonds. So I know it's much worse for the male."
"That's not an excuse though, and I'm sorry. Cass can work with Nesta. And yeah he’s protective of her, but it doesn't distract him. I don't know why I'm so much worse."
Gwyn whispers softly. "Because we haven't solidified the bond."
"What?" He puts her down on the couch and sits next to her, blushing.
"You heard me...it's my fault."
"No. I told you we would wait as long as you needed, and I meant that."
"I know you did. But I'm just saying. That's why you're so hyped up and in that panic-protective mode. Your instincts are going crazy. Because we haven’t...traditionally...accepted the bond yet. And that's why I would distract you on missions if I went on them before we--..."
"I will not ever pressure you. And I do not want you thinking that you must. I don't want you choosing to do so just so you can go on missions either."
Azriel takes her hand and intertwines their fingers. 'We have centuries to learn one another in that way. I have no qualms about waiting as long as you need."
Gwyn kisses his scarred hand and presses his palm to her cheek, her eyes slipping closed at the warmth. "Our wedding is next week, Az."
"That does not mean you are obliged to force yourself to want or do anything."
"But...I love you so much."
"I already know that."
Teal eyes meet eyes of burnished hazel as she lets out a saddened sigh. "But I haven't shown you. I haven’t proved it."
"Gwyn, you show me every single day. By taking the leap and moving out of the library to be here in our home with me, when you sing with me when I have a bad day, when you kiss my scars and remind me they're a sign of strength, when you challenge me to be my best, when I'm working late and you make my favorite food or surprise me with baked goods, when you tease me or compliment me or simply look at me like I somehow hold the world in my eyes." He strokes his thumb over her cheek. "I absolutely do not need sex to know or feel in my heart and soul that you love me."
Gwyn tears up, and she crawls into his lap, clinging to him. He wraps his arms around her and holds her silently for a few moments.
"It's the only way that counts toward completing our bond. We both know it. That's just how the Cauldron made it, how it goes as faeries."
Azriel nods and tucks a strand of hair behind her arched ear. "There are hundreds of fae couples who are in love without a bond, Gwyn."
"True, but we were blessed with one. I am a priestess. Mate bonds are sacred. Hoped and prayed for by most faeries as they get older. For their one special someone who is their confirmed equal. They're a gift. I knew that even before I was a priestess."
"It is a gift, for most. You are my gift, Gwyneth." He strokes a thumb over her lower lip and presses a kiss to her lips. "One I will never take for granted."
"That's why I want to. I-I want you. But I'm...what if I'm not what you need? What you expect? What if I can't--"
"All I need is you. I have no expectations, but I know that when we take that leap, we will do so together, and I will make sure that you are one hundred percent okay. You will have the reigns, the power. You will be able to say stop at any point, and we stop. No matter what. You are my mate, Gwyn, but you are also my best friend, my challenger, and my equal. I would never hurt you. We have centuries to learn one another intimately. There is no rush."
"I want to be able to make love to you on our wedding night without panicking. I want that, Az. More than anything."
He blushes and leans his forehead on hers. "I want that, too."
"You've been so patient with me. And I know your instincts have been killing you, and I know that sometimes you need a break from being around me because of it. And that's not something you can help. The bond makes it nearly unbearable for males at times. As a faerie, its not beyond the realm of possibility that you'd want to...find it elsewhere."
His eyes widen, and his brow furrows. "Gwyn, if you're wondering if I've gone to the pleasure hall since falling for you, the answer is no. I admit there have been times when the urge is very great. But all I have to do is think about you and our love and I don't."
"We're fae. It's not like it's a crazy notion. Many couples allow that sort of thing."
"It is crazy to me. You are mine, and I am yours. Our mate bond is sacred to me, too. You are the only one for me from now until the day I die. Whether I have to wait a week or eight hundred years, I will manage it. I will keep control."
She lies her head on his shoulder and rubs his chest, pausing for a beat. "You know, I'm not always asleep when you shower in the morning," she whispers.
Azriel's face turns redder than she's ever seen it and he goes rigid. "What?"
"It's okay, Az. It's normal. And...actually it's...sexy."
"Oh gods," he groans.
She giggles softly. "Yeah, you say that a lot too. Well, that and my name."
"Fucking hell", he covers his face in embarrassment.
Gwyn bites her lip and pulls his hands from his face. "Maybe it's weird, but it makes me feel less scared or awkward about it in a way. It makes me feel almost normal. But I'm sorry if you feel it's a violation."
He looks at her and swallows. "No, I-it's fine if you er...listen. Any of it is fine. It's all fine. I just didn't know I was so...loud."
"You don’t have to be embarrassed. You wouldn't be if I were anyone else, Az. Just because I have my own trauma about myself and my body doesn't mean that I can't appreciate you as a male who feels things for me. Especially as my mate. It's flattering, actually. Sexy, as I mentioned. It...makes me feel things. And I think that's a good start. Admitting that hearing you pleasuring yourself to the thoughts of me...it um, it makes me flushed too."
His face remains heated as he nuzzles her neck and breathes her in. "Good. I'm glad I can stir you even a little bit."
Gwyn kisses him and then looks into his eyes. "Oh, Az." She shakes her head, and her eyes widen a bit. "If I ever gave you the impression that nothing you've ever done has 'stirred' me, I'm so sorry. That's not true. I love you. I am attracted to you. You have aroused me many, many times. It's just my stupid self-doubt and residual trauma that keeps me from going too far with it. But as I said, I want to. Gods, I want to. I can't imagine anything more amazing than being with you and letting go of all my fears. I'm sorry if you ever felt like I didn’t return those feelings."
"No need to be sorry. As I said, I know you love me, Gwyn."
She takes a breath. "Maybe tomorrow morning we can shower."
"What?"
"Shadowsinger, your eyes are going to fall out of their sockets," she teases lightly. "Tomorrow. Shower. You. Me."
"You do understand what you're saying, right?"
Gwyn rolls her eyes and laughs softly. "Yes, I know what a shower is. And...my spell-necklace will be staying on this time. So there will be no appearance of scales and tail. Just...me", she says shyly. "And you don't have to worry. I remember how you held me in the bath the last time, even in nymph form. I trust you. And I'm not shy about your body, Az. You're freaking perfect. Gorgeous, really", she blushes. "I want you to...continue your normal morning routine."
"Gwyn," he murmurs, chewing his lip.
"I want to watch. To put it boldly and clearly."
"Gwyn. Are you sure about that?"
"Yes. I think it's as good of a first step as any. You'll get heated, I'll probably get more heated than I am while just listening, and maybe I'll feel bold enough to go in the shower with you...while we are both flushed."
"I-I don't know if you want that."
"Is that too much for you?" She bites her lip. "Gods, I'm sorry. I'm probably just waving a flag in front of your temptation if I do that."
"Gwyn, stop. I wouldn’t do anything you were uncomfortable with, and you know I'd always respect you. I'm not some uncontrollable monster."
"I know you're not. You'd never hurt me. But again, you can only tempt a bond so much until it becomes painful for you. I don’t want to do that to you."
"The thing is, I'd really really really want to feel your body. And I'd probably try and at least persuade you to let me, in that state."
"Maybe I'll want to be persuaded. Like you said, I have the reigns, right?"
He nods. "Always, whenever you want them."
"Then it will be fine. Just say it's okay for me to be there."
"It's more than okay," he breathes, already flushed just thinking about it.
She takes a deep and slow breath and nods, her cheeks, having heated as well. "Okay then. It's a test of intimacy. I'll see what happens and how I feel. Because I want to."
Az nods and kisses her cheek. Gwyn scoffs playfully and smiles. "Hey, you know how much I love kissing you, though. That is never ever off the table."
"Thank gods for that, Berdara", he murmurs, kissing her deeply.
Gwyn kisses back and hums appreciatively, her tongue playing with his, both of them eventually parting for breath.
"You won't be able to say that for much longer", she pants, grinning.
"Say what?"
"Well, next week I will be Gwyneth Erebus. I've decided to take my husband's name."
Azriel's eyes glimmer with happiness. "You have??"
"I have", she beams.
"Hmm, I'll still call you Berdara. It's a part of your identity and a nod of respect to your mother, and Catrin. I think Gwyneth Berdara-Erebus suits you best."
Gwyn smiles and cups his face. "I think that's brilliant, Azriel."
"Good."
"I can't wait to see what our future holds. The good, the bad, and the crazy. I'll love you through all of it."
"I'll love you my whole life and all the lives we have after that. Until my soul becomes nothing but recycled magic in the Cauldron."
"Enough to take me on missions?"
Az chuckles slightly. "I'll work on my anxiety in that regard, love."
"That's all I can ask," she murmurs, pressing her lips against his once more.