Archive of Our Own

Very early in his life, Charles' Father has told him how unrealistic monogamy was. And at this time Charles didn't even have a clue what the word itself meant. But the older he got …

The more he began to understand, what his father has meant with it.

~*~

Charles was in his mid-twenties, with a perfect degree from the Oxford. He loved his apartment which had an amazing view over the Central Park, and he also had wonderful friends. But what made his life even better, was his job. Since two years he wrote for a Men Magazine, his articles focused on medicine facts, all about the body of men. So, as he got another praise for his latest article, based on anal sex and the pro and cons - from homosexual and heterosexual views, Charles felt really good - maybe even a little bit better.

With a secret smile, Charles walked out of the meeting room with his best friend Hank, who seemed a little bit annoyed about the article he should write. “How should I research if garlic changes the taste of sperm?”

“You can taste your own.” Charles smirked with a dirty smile, while Hank made a face. Then Charles stopped and turned to Hank. “At first, don't look like that. And second. Yes, it does. It tastes like … a mix of a tatty bitter lemon with milk. I assure you, it's not tasty.” Hank's mouth fell open and he watched Charles with an expression, like he wasn't sure why he was even befriended with Charles. But then he seemed to come to himself and nodded.

“Okay … and how do you think, should I make an one site article with this?” Laughing, Charles wanted to answer him, as Moira came too, out of the meeting room. With a gesture Hank rushed away. “Hey Charles. I nearly forget about the story. Since Alex isn't anymore writing for us, I need someone other doing the Sport's articles.”

“Sport?” Charles asked with a frown. “You're sure you want me to do this? I mean, I could write Hank's article, and he could - ...” Moira shook his head and stopped him with a gesture. “No, no, Charles. You don't seem to understand. I'm giving you a chance to stop writing sex-based stories, in exchange for stories, in which you can go back to the things you have learned in Oxford.”

Okay, now he did understand even less. “You let me write about genetic? How does this fit with Sport?”

Moira sighed. “No, not genetic. There is a new doc in town. He's from Germany, as much as I know. And this since just one month, but he's the most wanted guy in New York if you're had an accident which blows up your Sport's career. Charles, I want this to be the top story in our next issue. And I don't want to give it Hank, because I know how bad his researches are. I want you for this. So, make this a good story, you'll get more articles based on this. If you make an amazing story - the Sport's part is yours.”

With that Moira turned around and Charles gaped after her. If this was a chance … who was he to ignore it?

~*~

“You like this, do you?” Charles clenched his fingers in the sheets underneath his forehead, while the guy used another angle pushing into him. Faster, harder. But not really better. “Oh God, you're so tight.”

Letting his eyes fall close, Charles bit his lips, while spreading his legs further and pushing a little bit back, into the guy's thrusts. Wanting more. “Come on … deeper.” The man pushed a hand into his neck, holding him there, holding his right hip even tighter in his big hand. Thrusting suddenly jerkier into Charles before he filled the condom, stilling and then burying Charles underneath his big body. “Oh … yes.”

Oh … no! Charles thought, before pushing the guy from his body. With a sigh he rolled over onto his back, looking to the guy, who seemed to sleep already. Charles looked frowning to his erection which he took into his own hand, thinking about the sex he had with Logan just yesterday, and the rougher touches, before he came, biting his lips raw. A few minutes later he stood up from the bed, walking into the bathroom where he washed his ass and cock.

He still was a little bit drunk from the tequila, but not enough for staying here. So, after Charles was a little bit more cleaner, he walked back into the bedroom, gathering his clothes before pulling them on and then leaved. He didn't bothered for leaving a note or anything, because … no. This wasn't even something he did with guys, which could fuck him so good that he still could feel them in the morning. So certainly not with guys who couldn't make him come.

Nights like this, were to his luck not the norm. Mostly, Charles flirted with some people who were really amazing in bed. Like last week, he was in Downtown, seeing this pretty woman near the bar. Beautiful long, dark hair, exceptional curves and a voice, which went straight into his cock. Together they had a few drinks, before they took a cap to her apartment - but giving him some time, to finger her on the way to her home. And god, she really did taste amazing. But she also took it really well into the ass. What was also really practical for his article, to use in form of some research.

As soon as Charles was home, he took a short shower before falling face down into his bed and not wasting a second longer to stay awake. He still needed to find this most wanted guy in New York …

~*~

Erik Lehnsherr - Exercise Physiologist & Orthopedic Surgeon Office

Charles looked very close to the letters over the big glassy double doors, before he walked into the building. New York was full of doctors like Lehnsherr was one, but Charles really didn't know what made this guy so special. Because all he had found about him was in german. Nah - maybe not everything. The office, he found via Google in their language. And an disturbing amount of praising about this man.

So, now he was here. Because Charles really wanted to know more about this guy. “Sir, can I help you?” A young, black haired woman smiled at him and Charles instantly smiled back. “Yes, you really can do. I'm Charles Xavier. And I'm writing an article about Erik Lehnsherr. I just wanted to know, if it would be possible to have some words with him?”

The young woman looked at the clock at the wall. “Hm, I fear he's for the next few hours in a surgery.” Charles sighed. He has hoped to have at least anything about this man before tomorrow. Because he wanted to visit Raven and her husband Azazel, helping them with the new house, the two of them were moving in.

“But tomorrow he's free from five pm.? I could make an appointment for you, Mister Xavier.” The woman looked back to him, waiting for an answer. “Okay. But, six pm. would be better. I'm out of town so I don't make it earlier.”

“Okay, I'll write it down for him.” With that she smiled brightly, and walked around the desk for writing down the appointment. As Charles leaved the center, he pulled out his handy, writing Logan a message if he wanted to meet for drinks. Maybe he would at least get some hot sex tonight.

~*~

While Logan spoke with this redhead woman from his fitness studio, Charles turned his attention to the brunet man next to him, who watched him very close. “Hey … didn't you gave me one of the best blow jobs, I've ever gotten in an alley?” Charles nearly chocked on his Scotch by the blunt words. But then he smiled at the guy. “This sounds really like me.”

“Would you like … you know … in exchange of some good stuff. I have something with me, this will take you higher than a Boeing.” Charles bit his lip. Then he looked at Logan and shrugged. His friend seemed to be very much into the redhead so why not playing around himself. “Okay. Let's get out of here.” With this, he drowned his Scotch and then followed the guy out of the bar.

As soon as they were outside, the guy leaned back against the dirty brick-wall, opening his trouser and pulling out his already half-hard cock. Licking his lips hungry, Charles sank down to his knees, then pulling out a condom and pushing it over the dick, before taking him deep into his mouth and swallowing around the hot flesh. His eyes fell close, while he breathed through his nose, sucking and taking the cock as deep, as he could. Long fingers curled around his neck, while another five clenched in his hair, nearly chocking him on the cock. “Ah … fuck … just look at you, you look so hot.”

“Hm.” Charles made an aroused sound, while pushing his free hand against his crotch, rubbing his hard-on through his trouser. Suddenly he heard a door falling hard into a lock. “What the fuck, are you doing?!” Instantly Charles pulled back, swapping away the hands on his head. He felt dizzy and suddenly more drunk than ever before as he looked up at Logan, who stood not more than two meters away from them, looking like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

The guy meanwhile threw the condom away and vanished. But Charles just watched, as Logan opened and closed his mouth over and over again. “Okay … is - do you have an affair with this guy?”

“What? No. I just blew him one time and today he asked for another round. What's the deal with it? I mean, as if you didn't would like to fuck the redhead you've talked with.” Logan blinked, before pulling Charles onto his feet, watching him in disbelieve. “Charles - no, of course, the fuck not! I would never do something like that to you - we're in a relationship.”

“So?” It wasn't like he wanted Logan to see him like this. And no he really didn't even wanted to see the hurt expression on Logan's face. But … it was either him, fucking around or sometimes finding Logan on top of another person. And Charles didn't wanted to be the one with the broken heart. He knew what it has done with his father …

Charles doesn't wanted to end like his father.

“So? So … what? Please tell me this was the first one.” Logan waited for an answer, but Charles just shook his head. “Okay. How many? How often has you fucked around behind my back?”

“Logan, just … I'm really not having this conversation with you this drunk and with the taste of latex on my tongue in some cheap, dirty alley.” With this Logan suddenly turned around and walked to the street. Charles himself did the same, toward the exit of the bar, hoping to get another drink, but not without overhearing Logan's last words. “No … you just want to blow some cocks in cheap, dirty alleys.”

~*~

This night, Charles didn't just got drunk, but really, really wasted!

He came back in the early lights, doing the walk of shame, while thinking for a good excuse for him being late when he would visit Raven.

~*~

“Hey, Charles!” Raven huged him in a firmness, he returned. Wrapping her tight into his arms, while smiling against the back of her head. “Hey, sweetheart. How are you?” Charles asked, while they walked into the house. He really was surprised how much it has changed in the two weeks, his sister and her husband has moved inside. Yet he could see still many cartons standing around.

“Good as always. And you? You look odd, and where is Logan?” They walked into the kitchen, from where he got a good look outside to the garden, where Azazel played with his son Sean. For a moment Charles watched the two, before he turned to his sister. “Ah, he dumped me. No big deal.” Raven opened her mouth. But then she let out a sigh.

“Charles … I'm sorry. I really have thought he would be the right one for you.” Charles made a little sound in the back of his throat, before walking around the kitchen isle, to the fringe where he took out a bottle of water. “The right one, Raven, doesn't exist.” With that he leaned against the counter and took a sip, again looking out of the window to Azazel and Sean. “Or did you forget, that your right one, cheated on you and now put his spouse inside your new life?”

Raven gasped in shock, while Charles breathed deep in, looking back at his sister. He knew it may be hypocritical of him to say such things after last night and … more nights before. Especially after he clearly has hurt Logan, but … he has told Logan that he didn't believed in relationships. And it wasn't his fault that Logan hasn't believed him. “I cannot … I thought if I can Azazel forgive about this one thing, you could do the same.”

“Oh, I did forgive him, Raven. I just wanted to point it out for you, just for making sure you're not forgetting it.” While he drunk his water Raven watched him. Then she shook her head slowly, putting her hands upon her hips. “Is this why Logan dumped you? Because you have cheated on him?”

“It's not cheating, if you made it clear from the beginning that you're not believing into monogamy. I never made any promises. Not like our mother. Or like Azazel seven years ago. I'm free like a bird my dear sister. And if I want to fuck with someone else, than I think it's my right to do it.” Again Raven shook her head, but this time, Charles could see tears welling up into her brown eyes. With a sigh, he put the water aside. “I'm going to dad, where is he?”

As he walked out of the kitchen in search for his father, Raven followed him. “He's not … we thought it would be for the best if we put him in a place, where people could watch over him. I mean, Az and I, we're both working and Sean is in school over the half day. And I … I don't wanted him to get hurt.”

His steps froze. Then he turned around to Raven. “Bullshit! You're working two hours a day. And Azazel works in the night. No, you just wanted to throw him away, just like mother did it after she fucked with our neighbor. Leaving him with nothing.” Right after the divorce of their parents, Charles began to hate their mother, for throwing their father out of their home. Leaving him really with nothing more, than the clothes he wore on that day. Then he lost his job and needed to move away. Charles was so sad, because the only good relationship he always had in his life, was the one with his father, who was always there for Charles. Never ones lying at him or betraying him. He even helped Charles with his payments for the Oxford University, because his mother didn't want to pay for it. And he also wouldn't have taken her money!

“Charles, no! You know I love our father as much, as you do. But it's just not easy being there for him, when he's so mean to the man I love. I know what mom did wasn't okay. And I'm still hurt over the fact what Azazel did, but it's seven years ago. And mom is dead. Why can't you both just let it go?” Charles looked to the side, before he turned around, opening the front door.

“Just tell me the address, so I can visit him.” Raven make a sniffling sound. Then she walked away, coming a few minutes later, giving him a paper. “Charles … please tell me you're not really believing that living like that, makes you happy.”

He couldn't look her in the eyes. Instead he read the address, before he turned around and walked to his car. “No, I'm not believing it. It really makes me happy.”

~*~

Charles didn't liked it where his dad now lived. It felt so very wrong, after all those years. But as Charles has asked his father to move in with him - his father just declined.

Their conversation followed him the whole way to his appointment with this special Doctor. Leaving a sick feeling in his gut. Charles sat down in the chair in front of a broad, dark hardwood desk. Then he pulled out his notebook and a pen, and crossed his legs while he looked out of the window. “Do you want something? Water or Coffee? Maybe Tea?” The young woman from yesterday asked him with a smile, but Charles just shook his head - no. Then she closed the door behind her, leaving him alone in the bright office. The fight with Raven and his conversation with his father overturned his thoughts. Suddenly Charles wished for a way to cancel this thing as the door opened and he looked over his shoulder back.

Feeling instantly his insides flutter.

“Mister Xavier?” Lehnsherr smiled at him, closing without looking away from Charles the door and then walking up to him, offering his right hand. Charles nearly stumbled over his crossed legs, as he got up from the chair, taking the hand. “Yes, thank you for giving an interview, Mister Lehnsherr.” His heart made a funny thing inside his chest, as he felt the rough, and callused skin against his own softer, while long fingers closed in a firm grip around his own.

As they let go, Charles sat down again, while Lehnsherr sank into his own chair behind the desk. Steel grey-green eyes looked in an waiting expression at him, while one eyebrow slowly got up. In an instant Charles remembered why he was here, blushing a little bit for his crazy behavior. “Eh, sorry. Yes. The article. It's said you're coming from Germany? Why did you moved to the States?”

Writing his question down, Charles looked up to Lehnsherr, who began suddenly to smirk at him, giving him the feeling of sitting in front of a human shark. “Can I first ask something?” Lehnsherr asked, and Charles nodded shortly. “Do you like Sport?”

Charles did like Sport. Especially the ones including dicks and touches and kisses. “Yes, of course.” He smiled brightly, making Lehnsherr nod. “Okay. Then please do tell me about your favorite Team.”

His favorite Team were men, Charles thought in an instant, racking his brain for an better answer. But then he remembered something. “Eh … The Orlando …” God, he knew something about Orlando. But what was their name. “Bloom's?” That sounded right. At least Charles was sure he had heard about this name more often. But suddenly the German began to laugh, making Charles blushing furiously.

“I'm sorry. Really. I'm not laughing about you, but just over the fact that they send me a journalist who's writing normally about sex based articles.” At first Charles thought about being mocked. But then he saw the earnest smile on Lehnsherr's face.

Licking his lips in a nervous manner, Charles shook his head. “This … our Sport's journalist got a better job from the Times. And I'm the only one with a little bit background knowledge.”

“Yes, I know. You're from the Oxford. And I think they have made a good decision in giving you this chance.” Lehnsherr leaned with his words a little bit closer, while putting his elbows on the desk, watching Charles with a secret smile on his lips. Suddenly he thought that this guy was flirting - did he?

“Really?” Charles asked back and couldn't help but smile himself. “Yes. I think your articles are very interesting to read.” Charles really hasn't thought to hear that from this man. Or from anyone other than his boss. Looking down to his notebook, he realized that he hasn't gathered more than … nothing. But deep in his gut he suddenly didn't even cared. “What do you think about dinner?”

“I love dinner.” It leaved his mouth, before he could hold his tongue, making Lehnsherr again smile broadly at him. “Perfect. We can speak about everything you want to know in a good restaurant I know. It's not far away from here.”

“Eh … okay?” Slowly Charles stood up, just like Lehnsherr it did. Then he packed away his things, shouldering his laptop case. He really wasn't sure what he should think about this. It didn't felt right, but also not strange or wrong. Just … crazy.

~*~

“I always wondered what it is to be a journalist.” Erik said, after they leaved the restaurant, stepping outside into the cold air. Charles felt his head buzzing in a good way, which made him also turn around and tipping his head to the side, while looking deep into Erik's eyes. “It's a lot of research.”

“Really? So, this is also research for you? Flirting?” With a smile Erik stepped closer to him, wrapping an arm around Charles' form, so Charles could lean against the tall and sexy body. “Yes. It's also very … very hard work.” He whispered suggestively at Erik, who's eyes slowly fell close, as he leaned down and captured Charles' lips in an amazing kiss. Leaving nothing to the imaginary.

~*~

Not an half hour later, Charles' right hand flew over his head against the wall behind his head, while Erik thrust hard and deep inside him, gripping his hips in the perfect firm grip, that made Charles' body curve up toward Erik. “Ahhh … ah, Yes! Oh God!” His head fell back into his neck, while he braced himself against the wall behind his head. “Charles!” Erik moaned hotly against hit throat, biting and licking him there, and as he suddenly hit Charles' prostate, his insides exploded in an hot orgasm. “Ah … Erik!”

His other hand clenched around Erik's neck scrapping over the with sweat covered skin, as Erik continued to thrust deep inside and then holding suddenly very still, as he came hot and pulsing into the condom. Just for a tiny second Charles wondered how it would be to feel the hot seed filling his insides. But then Erik pulled very careful out of his body and got up.

Charles smiled more than relaxed to himself and rolled to his side. Closing his eyes just for one second …

~*~

As Charles opened his eyes again, the darkness has changed into a bright, sunny light, filling his bedroom in a way, it never has. Instantly he sat up. This wasn't …

“Ah, you're awake. I'm sorry, I would like to stay longer, but I have a surgery in not even an hour. I've made you coffee and there are Pancakes for you on the counter. You can take a shower or … whatever you need.” Charles blinked at Erik, who came from … where ever he was, binding a tie around his neck, while speaking to Charles, like it was the most normal thing on earth, to have him still there. In Erik's bed. Naked - underneath the sheet. “If you go, please make sure the door goes into the lock.” With that Erik walked around the bed to Charles and leaned down. Tenderly, Charles got a kiss placed on his forehead. “Last night, was amazing.” Erik smiled so soft at Charles, that his heart clenched hard, but then Erik leaved and Charles just … fell down the bed again.

What the fuck … did just happened?

~*~

“How much did you drank?” Hank whispered to him, and Charles just shook his head. “I - only two glasses of wine. Maximal three. Maybe … four, if I recalculate it.” His head felt so … like a carousel. Not drunk or hangover. It was just, that it never once has happened to him, that he fell asleep on a stranger's bed. Nor did he let himself fall asleep next to a stranger. Maybe it was the sex. Because Charles already knows good sex. But that … it was amazing.

“The worst thing is that he was so nice to me. I mean, he let me sleep, and even made me breakfast, before he just walked out. Not even caring that I was a totally stranger in his own home. That's …” Charles shook his head, not having the words for what he thought about this. But Hank just sighed. Suddenly his handy began to ring, which he pulled out of his pocket. “Oh my God!” He nearly let his mobile phone fall, as he read the name on the display.

“What's wrong?” Hank asked slowly, while Charles just gaped. “That's the Doc.” He mumbled before slowly answering the call. “Hey, Erik. I'm sorry, but I fear you have called me on accident.”

“Hm? What - no, I did it intentional.” Frowning at Hank, who watched him in close attention, Charles thought about how to end this conversation, before it could get really embarrassing for both of them. “I just wanted to ask you, if you're free this evening. We really didn't talked about your article.”

The article! Charles nearly slapped his forehead. Fuck. He really has forgotten about the damn thing. “This … is … eh …”

Hank made an asking motion, so Charles lowered his mobile phone, cupping a hand above the speaker. “He wants to meet me this evening because of the article.” Hank slowly nodded. “You really need to write more than that he's from Germany, you know.”

“Of course I know this.” Charles sighed, then holding the phone back to his ear. “Okay, where have you thought we could meet?”

“Maybe at my apartment. I can cook for us.” Biting his lips, Charles closed his eyes and shook his head. “Let me … one second, okay.” He put his handy down again looking at Hank in panic. “He wants to cook for me, in his own apartment! Please tell me that's not sounding familiar for you?”

“What do you mean?” Hank pushed his glasses up his nose, while Charles looked at him in disbelieve. “Hannibal Lekter?” Hank blinked, before he turned suddenly very white and shook his head. “Oh God! You mean, because he's a Doctor and from overnight he came from Germany? You're right I'm calling the police!”

“What are you talking about?” Charles gaze fell to his handy, where the speaker lay upwards to them. In hasty he tipped on his display, just grazing the damn speakerphone, before it slipped out of his hand and falling to the ground. “Charles?” The same curious voice, now just a little bit clearer came from his phone, and he palmed his face. Then, he slowly took his phone from the ground, before holding it in the height of his mouth. “We were just talking about a movie … we're … watching this evening. I'm sorry, but I totally forget, but we can speak tomorrow about the article in your office. Bye.”

With that Charles ended the phone call. Ignoring the freakish feeling between his chest and gut. “I need to end this, before I'm in too deep.”

“And … if you would give him a chance?” Hank asked slowly.

“For what exactly? The chance to dump me just like Logan did it. I'm telling you, they just don't get it. The fact that monogamy isn't working. And … I don't want to end like my father. Heartbroken over someone who'll rub me in the face, I'm not the right one. I just want have fun.” With a smile he stood up and packed away his half eaten sandwich.

~*~

Erik looked in disbelieve at the darkened display of his mobile, then putting it away. “What's happened?” Armando, not only his best friend but also the basketball player for whom he leaved Germany and moved to the USA - as his friend got a better contract for the Knicks - asked him.

“He says that he's watching Hannibal this evening and he had forget about it. He's coming tomorrow to the office.” Slowly he put his fork up, but not really feeling hungry anymore. In his chest his heart felt like there was a hook or something, pulling at it, whenever he thought about Charles.

“Okay. That's … that's an amazing movie. Come on, Erik. You said it yourself, the little one was flirting with you. And he wouldn't let you fuck him, if he wouldn't like you.” With that his friend clapped him on his back, smiling a little bit too bright, for Erik's taste.

“Yeah, what ever.” He didn't knew what could have happened that Charles suddenly behaved so different than yesterday. They had talked about Charles' time at the Oxford, then about Erik's work in Germany. But they also has eaten dinner, drunk some wine and had really fun. More fun, than Erik had in a very long time. And then Charles has begun to flirt with him like mad. Smiled at Erik so beautiful, with crooked teeth and shining red lips, it made Erik's insides tingle in arousal and deep want for this young man.

He hasn't felt like this … in years. And the sex - God … the sex. Erik wasn't even sure if he ever had sex that amazing. Charles was like a tiger. Disturbingly wild and very loud. But also so beautiful and full of passion. But then, Erik just came out of the bathroom, from throwing away his filled condom, as Charles already slept. Brown hair still sticking at his forehead, while his lips shone wet, come all over his stomach. So Erik has cleaned him careful not wanting to wake him up, before laying down next to him and pulling the covers over them.

Erik had let Charles sleep, because he didn't brought it over him, to wake him up. Too cute was his expression. And he really has thought it … was okay. But maybe Charles has found the pictures of Erik's kids, Peter and Wanda? Maybe he wasn't sure if Erik was really into him or just Bi-curious.

“Hey, don't look like that, okay. I'm sure he want's you just as much, as you want him. I know after Magda it was hard for you, Erik. But if you close yourself off, from everyone, you're not getting anyone either. Maybe it's just time that you start to trust again. Just … don't let him off too easy. Prove him, that you're really interested on him. I bet it'll work out!” Maybe Armando was right, Erik thought. Because … what has happened with him and Magda, really destroyed him. Hearing, that she has cheated on him while being pregnant with his own kids … it not just disturbed him, but also ripped out his heart.

Now … Twelfth years later … maybe he should really be over this.

~*~

The next day, as Charles walked into Erik's office, he felt a nervous feeling rushing from his head to his toes. Never once before he has felt like that and he really didn't know if it was a good, or a bad sign. No. Definitely bad! He also had the sudden urge to drink something very hard, just to get rid of this feeling. As soon as the door got open and Erik walked in, Charles' heart flipped. Yes. It was bad. Really, really bad! “Good morning, Charles.” Before he even got a chance to answer, Erik closed their distance and kissed his lips.

A warm hand moved over his hip and Charles leaned away, as soon as Erik pulled away again, but looking so happy and … “I cannot do this.” Rushed from his mouth and Erik frowned. “What?”

Charles pushed Erik gentle away, before walking around the big desk, bringing as much space between them as it was possible. “The thing … this … I'm not … We had fun, but that's not … I mean it's the only thing I'm doing. I don't do relationships. Never.” His heart thumped so hard against his rips, he feared that they could break. Erik meanwhile just watched him, before he slowly sat down.

“That's very honest from you.” Affirming, Charles nodded. In silence he looked at Erik and saw how he watched him, making him again so fucking insecure and nervous. “Can you at least tell me why this so is?”

Charles frowned a little bit before he sat down, too. It didn't felt right to look down at Erik, when he looked like … like that. “My mother cheated on my father. As I was not older than six. And from this day on, he told us that something like monogamy isn't realistic. It's just an illusion. And he was right. He lost at that time everything. I never wanted to make the same mistake. So I'm not doing relationships just for being another fool who get's cheated on.”

With that he crossed his legs and leaned back. Just as he got aware that he sat on Erik's chair behind the desk. But it didn't seemed to matter to Erik who just watched him very close and with his full attention. Then Erik smiled a little bitter, what made the line between his eyebrows appear deeper. Awakening the urge in Charles to lean forward and smooth it with his thumb.

“You know, Charles, it's funny. Not your story, but that you're telling this someone who has found out about his Ex-wife fucking the neighbor, while she was pregnant with our twins. So … the fool, you have mentioned is sitting right before you.” Erik smiled a little bit sad at him, while Charles stared in disbelieve at him. But then Erik continued. “But … twelfth years later, the fool meets this adorable journalist, who's also immense intelligent, and amazing in bed. Making the fool believe that there may be a really good chance for them being together.”

Charles was about to shake his head, but there was something … maybe it was the expression in Erik's steel grey-green eyes, that stopped the shaking motion. But then Erik stood up from the chair opposite of him. Slowly he walked around the desk, just stopping in front of Charles, before raising a hand and cupping with it very gentle Charles' left cheek. Looking deep into his eyes. “I'm not going to cheat on you, Charles. So … just give me a chance for proving you, that monogamy is indeed working.”

There were thousand thoughts running through Charles' mind. All in the same voice of his father's. And yet … the honesty in Erik's eyes spoke so much louder than everyone of the ones in his mind.

“I could … try.”

~*~

The next few days began very slowly. Charles didn't knew why Erik even wanted to give it a chance. Because Charles knew already it wouldn't work out between them. He wasn't … what Erik needed. And he didn't understand, that Erik still seemed to search for someone, when he got cheated on. And so brutally as his wife was also pregnant. It made his mind explode in thousand questions.

At Friday, Erik wanted to cook for him. Now Charles sat at the kitchen isle, drinking his second glass of red wine and watching Erik's movements between the counter and the oven. “Where did you learned to cook?” Charles asked, while Erik looked in the oven, then cutting some vegetables on the counter. “I learned it from my mother. And you? Can you cook?”

Charles made an amused sound. “No. absolutely not. I once tried to make spaghetti and burned down my kitchen.”

“Okay, then you're not coming near the oven.” Erik grinned brightly, before tipping a spoon into one of the three pans, then turning to Charles and holding the other hand underneath the spoon, while directing it right before Charles' mouth. “Be aware of the temperature.”

Charles again smiled and then opened his mouth for the spoon. After he took a taste he licked his lips and nodded. “Wow … that's amazing, Erik. And not the only hot thing in this kitchen.” Charles looked at Erik and smiled suggestively, what made Erik laugh, but smiling at the same time dirty back at him. “No, it isn't.” With that Charles felt his cheeks burning and Erik laughed again.

As Erik turned around, Charles tipped his head wondering to a side and watched Erik thoughtful. This was really different than everything he ever had done before. And the really scary thing was that Charles … liked it. Erik's attention and the fun they had together. It wasn't like he hadn't fun with Logan, it was just … that Logan and he didn't clicked. They had very good sex in the past, but Charles needed more. More fun and surprises.

But here with Erik, he really just thought about Erik. Maybe it was because for once it didn't felt just like fun, but … more intense. Because Erik was honest to him. And he really seemed different than everyone Charles had ever meet before.

After they finished their meal, Erik took his hand gentle in his own and lead him into his bedroom. “I wanted to show you something.”

“If it's your bed, than you're forgetting something.” Charles grinned while Erik shook his head and then laid his hands at Charles' hips, turning him around so he could look out the wide window. “Oh my …” Blinking, Charles walked closer, until he could lay his hands upon the blank surface, but didn't because he didn't wanted it to get smeared. He knew that Erik lived on the top floor of the building. But he hasn't thought once about the view, which was amazing. He could see the whole city and some stars shining, even the bright and colorful lights reflecting in the water surrounding New York. “That's really beautiful.” Charles whispered.

“Not as beautiful, as you are.” Erik whispered into his hair, sending goosebumps across his neck and arms. His chest and his stomach began to tingle in a very different way, than just arousal. Licking nervously over his lips, Charles slowly turned in Erik's warm arms and then looked up into grey-green eyes. He really didn't understand what happened with him, but as Erik closed the distance between them and kissed him, Charles just … let go.

~*~

As soon as the first sunbeams fell into Erik's bedroom, he opened his eyes. Still a little bit sleepy his sight fell down to messy, dark brown hair. Instantly Erik smiled. He couldn't help himself as he let his fingers card through the soft tangles of Charles' hair, down over pastry white and smooth skin. Erik watched his own fingers following the path of some red marks, he has leaved last night on Charles' back, where he couldn't resist to kiss his way over freckled skin. Making this body only more sinful.

“Hm.” Charles approved softly, what let Erik smile a little bit more. Then he buried his nose in Charles' hair. Trailing with his hand lower, underneath the blanket to Charles' smooth rear. “Please tell me … it's already after ten.” Charles mumbled before his head turned around, so their cheeks were touching and Erik leaned a little bit back. Looking into sleepy, dark blue eyes. “I think it's around seven.”

“In the evening?” Rushed, Charles pushed himself up from the bed, looking at Erik in shock.

“No, Liebling. In the morning.” For a second Charles' expression froze, before he fell down again. Turning away from Erik and to the edge of the bed. “Oh God, really … what do you even want from me at this bloody time.”

Erik laughed and shook his head. Then he stood up. Not bothering for covering himself, as he walked around his bed to the bathroom. “I don't know what got into me.” For a second he looked over his shoulder, just catching Charles' lashes fluttering and cheeks blushing. With a smirk he walked into the bathroom for a shower.

~*~

“Okay. So … could you tell me why you're moved from Germany to the States?” Charles asked while they walked through a grocery store. Buying ingredients for their meal this evening.

“Hm?” Erik looked from a pack of cheese to his eyes and smiled gently. “Oh, yes. Of course. You know, Armando used to play for the German Hawks. Then he got an offer from the Knicks and here I am.” Charles blinked and frowned a little bit. He had hoped for a little bit more. Maybe more drama. More … anything interesting.

“You moved across the ocean because of a friend?” Charles asked with a frown, while he took some chocolate for himself into their cart. Erik nodded, but with an odd expression, like he couldn't believe that Charles thought it was a crazy thing to do. And yes - he really thought like that.

“Yes. Of course. He was there for me, after … you know. And he had an accident two years ago. Broke his ankle. He thought he would never be able to play again. But - and this isn't arrogant, but the truth - thanks to me, he can still play and jump like before.” Erik really wasn't someone who was arrogant, but in fact just honest and proud of his work. It was something Charles could understand, because he was like that too. And he believed that if you knew about the things your good in, then why not being proud of it. “Also, he didn't wanted to consult another Doctor than me. And if I'm honest, than I wouldn't feel good with the knowledge that there is some stranger patching up my best friend.”

Slowly Charles nodded. “Hm. That's a point.” Then he looked around, before he stepped around the cart to Erik and smiled up to him. “You're really … loyal, are you?” Erik looked down at him and smiled so warm it made his insides flutter. Then Erik wrapped an arm around his shoulders and leaned down to him, while Charles pushed himself a little up to his toes, meeting Erik in the middle. Tender, their lips did meet, as Charles slipped his right hand into Erik's neck, holding him there gentle. It wasn't like Charles was an alcoholic. But in this moment he really got aware of two facts.

One. It was the first kiss in a very - very long time - Charles initiated sober.

Two. He never was kissed like that before. Maybe it was just different because he was sober. But it felt so … unbelievable wonderful. The way Erik's lips moved and nipped on Charles' own wasn't based on sex and didn't felt like foreplay. It was just … Erik.

As they slowly broke apart, Erik's eyes opened again, just like Charles' did it and the way Erik looked at him, made him feel like he was the only one. Suddenly someone coughed and Charles' blushed a little bit. Smiling he stepped back from Erik. But not without licking his own lips and biting them.

Savoring Erik's taste.

~*~

“I like him.” Was the first thing Raven told him, after Erik followed Azazel into the kitchen - leaving Charles with his sister alone.

“Well … hello, Raven. How are you, Raven?” His sister just rolled with her eyes, as she pulled him into a tight hug. “Don't be such a jerk again, Charles. You know what I mean.” For a second longer than usual he let her hug him, before he pulled back again.

“No. If I'm honest, I do not.”

As Raven closed the door behind him, she tipped her head to the side and watched him with a smile. “You let him hold you close to him. You never let Logan close to you outside of your bedroom. And if I remember it right, you hated it, if someone took your hand. But … the main thing I like the most is the way you look.” Charles frowned. He really didn't like the way this conversation turned to. “So, how long are you two together?”

“We're not together. We're just … we're dating.” Charles blushed a little bit, as he turned around. Feeling again this strange tug in his chest, he walked into the kitchen. Erik's gaze settled, as soon as Charles was through the doorway, on him and Charles smiled without fighting it down. As he stood next to Erik, he felt an strong arm wrapping around his middle, which pulled him close to Erik's side. Charles knew that if this would be someone else he would have searched for an excuse to bring some distance between them. But … he would lie if he would say that being this close to Erik didn't felt good.

“So … Erik, I've heard you're a Doctor?” Raven smiled mischievously and Charles swallowed. He knew it instantly. That this was the revenge for everything he has said about Azazel.

“Yes. I'm an Exercise Physiologist.” With that Raven smiled brighter and Charles could already see the question blooming in her brown eyes, but then Raven looked at him and she paused. For a very long moment she just watched him, before she let out a sigh and looked back to Erik. “That sounds very interesting. Maybe you can tell me more about you? Charles has made a secret about you.” With that she looped her arm through Erik's free and pulled him away from Charles outside into the garden.

“So it's just the two of us, yes?” Azazel smiled at him and Charles nodded a little stiff.

“Eh, where is Sean?” Charles asked, while Azazel began to take out the plates for their dinner. “He's upstairs. He … is a little bit sad that your father isn't coming.”

“He couldn't. I mean … dad said that he couldn't come because he has some ...” He watched Azazel set the table as he stopped speaking. His throat suddenly got tight and Charles swallowed hard. “Has he told you why he doesn't wanted to come?”

Azazel turned to him and his expression told Charles more than thousand words could do. “That's not a nice feeling, is it? To know … that you're partner isn't welcome in your family.” Charles blinked. He … hasn't known that Azazel knew it. Charles wasn't ever mean at Azazel. He has smiled and huged him, the only things he had said about what he really felt about this situation, was to Raven and their father.

“I'm … sorry. Please tell Raven and Erik I'm back in a few. Just … we haven't enough wine.” Before Charles rushed out of the kitchen, he heard Azazel following him, but Charles was faster.

~*~

“Why did you told me that you have something to do, instead of just telling me the truth?” In surprise his father turned around at Charles and blinked. His heart clenched hard by the sighed of the bitter smile that pulled on his dad's lips.

“Because I've always thought that you'd be the clever one. That you're the only one getting what I've told you. But in the end you're just like Raven.” Charles gaped as this. Was this … the feeling what Raven felt in all these years whenever Charles told her that Azazel was the wrong guy. That he didn't deserve Raven. He wouldn't suddenly say that Azazel hasn't done something very unforgiving. But this right now was about Erik. And Erik hasn't done anything other than being honest and understanding to Charles.

“That's … not ...” Charles couldn't find the right words. “You're saying this like she's abnormal. But she's not.” And suddenly he found it. Deep down, Charles suddenly found the reason why he was so bitter and angry about Raven forgiving Azazel so easily. He was envy. Envy about the fact, that she didn't fear the love. Otherwise than he did it. “She's brave for not giving up about the one she loves. Even when it means that she needs to give up her family.”

“Brave, Charles? No, it's dumb! He has cheated on her. Just like your mom did it with me. And in the end your little boyfriend will do the same to you. And you did it, too, did you? You have fucked around while you had this bulky guy around you. So don't you dare and look at me, like you would be any better. Not after all those years. So don't be so naive and suddenly believe that monogamy is really existent. It's just a lie.” Charles felt, while his father spoke, tears prickling in his eyes. He thought about what Erik has told him. That his Ex-wife has cheated on Erik even while she was pregnant with twins. So … while Charles really believed that Erik wouldn't cheat on him, would it be Charles who would hurt Erik like this? Would he do the same what he did with Logan?

“No. Dad, I'm sorry. But you don't know Erik. He … he's really …” Charles swallowed hard, while he fought against the tears from falling. “I really like him. And I trust him. The first time in my life I'm liking someone and I'm fucking terrified about it. And the only thing that I need is just … that you understand me.” His father watched him, before he stood up from the bed he sat on and walked to Charles.

“I'm so sorry, Charles. But no. I'm just sorry for you.” For a long moment his father looked him in the eyes, before he turned around and walked out onto the balcony. Letting Charles alone with his tears.

~*~

“Maybe I'm deserving it.” Charles said, not really caring who stood behind him. He was back at Raven's place, but couldn't walk inside. Instead he sat on the lawn where he smoked one cigarette after another. Just staring into the darkness. Slowly the one person behind him, sat down next to him and long fingers took the cigarette out of his own.

“No. You do not.” Raven whispered and took a drag by herself. Disbelieving, Charles looked at her. “I'm still not over some things you've said about Azazel or Sean. But I know you've said these things because you care too much about me. I don't know what he have said to you, but if it was any near the things dad said to me over the phone …” She shook her head and Charles watched her again taking a smoke, before she gave the cigarette back to him. “So … no. You don't deserve any of the things he said to you. And I must know, because while you was away, Erik was really worried about you. He knows how hard it must be for you to be suddenly in a relationship and he fears that he's too intense sometimes.”

“He told you that?” Charles asked slowly, as he pushed the cigarette out and then pulled out some mint-gums.

“Maybe not exactly in these words, but yes. He really likes you Charles. And he's really, really amazing. So, please don't make our dad destroy this. No matter what he has told you, Charles. You really deserve to be happy and to be loved. I never wished you anything more, than that.” Speechless, Charles shook his head. Then he let it fall down onto Raven's shoulder and closed his teary eyes. He really didn't know how he deserved her kindness. Not after what he has said about Azazel. Or Sean, or … just everything he did with Logan.

Raven pulled him into her arms while she kissed his forehead. And in this moment Charles knew he had more missed than just their closeness to each other over the last years. But also the relationship they once had as brother and sister.

~*~

This night Erik and Charles doesn't slept with each other. But Charles pressed himself against Erik's warm side, while strong arms wrapped around him and just held him.

~*~

Two days later Charles sat in his office as the residence, where his father lived, called him and told him that his father has died.

He sat nearly three hours in a cabin inside the men's room weeping.

~*~

“Charles … I'm so sorry.” Erik said later on this day, stroking with one hand over his back. Charles just shook his head. He felt so … hollow. Like someone has took away all his senses. “I know how it is to lost his parents and I've wished you would have more time with your father.”

In silence he sat on the edge of Erik's bed, while Erik was next to him and tried to be there for him. And it was both. Nice but also worse. A part of Charles was glad to be not alone. But another part of him just … would like nothing more to do than to get really waste and then disappear into himself.

For a long time it was very silent and Charles just could hear their breathing. But then …

“He wasn't just … for me, he was also my best friend. I could speak with him about everything. And he was the only one not mistaking me for a whore because of my lifestyle.” Charles closed his eyes and then cupped a hand over his eyes. “He was … always there. And I don't know … how to live with-without him … being there.” Suddenly he sobbed, just as Erik pulled him into his lab, closing his arms tight around his shaking body. His hands clenched hard into the scrubs, Erik still wore because he came as soon as he got Charles' message.

The worst thing was, Charles could bear it maybe more, when their last conversation were more … like they used to speak with each other. But not with his father being disappointed about Charles and Charles being heartbroken about his father not wanting him to be in a relationship. Suddenly he wished that he would have told his father more often how much he loved him. And how grateful he always was for the help he got from him. But he never … he never thought that he would loose him. Not - at least not like that.

~*~

The last time Erik was at a funeral it was the one of his parents. At that time he was just a little boy. He always thought that if he would have more time with his parents, then the loss wouldn't be that hard. But now, as he watched Charles next to him … he's sure that there won't be anything that would make such a loss more bearable.

His hand slowly slid against Charles' trembling one, before he turned it around and took it inside his own. The hard grip he got in return was the one, Erik would have needed as a kid. But now he could gave it at least Charles who looked so lost that it broke Erik's heart. He really didn't knew what to say or more to do than just giving him something to hold onto.

As the funeral came to an end, the first raindrops fell to the ground and while some people began to walk away, as if they couldn't bear it to get a little bit wet, they stayed. In the end it was just them and Raven with them. Azazel brought Sean to the car, while Raven watched him over Charles' head, then she walked away, too, and leaved them alone.

“Why … is it that there are so many things we want to say when it's too late?” Charles whispered and it's nearly washed away by the rain that began to pour harder down their heads. Cold fingers clenched his tighter than ever and Erik looked again at Charles, who slowly raised his head. Charles beautiful face was whiter than usual, raindrops fell from his long lashes, and yet Erik was sure that the wetness there wasn't just from the rain. His own heart began to beat harder, the longer he looked into those shocking blue eyes and in this very moment Erik knew it.

“I love you.” For a second Charles seemed to freeze as he pulled his hand suddenly out of Erik's and frowned. “What?” Erik blinked himself. It just came over him and yet … he wouldn't take it back. No.

“Charles, I love you. And you're right. We're always aware of these things when it's too late. But I don't want to say it when it's too late.” Erik needed to raise his voice over the loud pouring rain, but Charles still stared in disbelieve at him.

“So … you're just saying it before you're even sure? Do you even have the slightest idea how fucked up this is to say it on the funeral of my father?” Charles' voice nearly doubled over and Erik shook his head.

“No, Charles. I'm not just saying it - I mean it. I really love you.” He followed Charles, who stepped back from him. Erik held Charles back by gripping gentle his arms. Deep he looked into Charles' blue eyes. “Charles, I'm in love with you!” Erik looked so deep into his eyes, that he saw - even through the falling rain - that Charles' eyes filled with tears. Then, Charles pushed him away and shook his head. Erik felt instantly his heart clenching and his chest getting tight as he watched Charles opened his mouth before he closed it again. “Charles.” Erik whispered but Charles just shook his head again.

Then he turned around an ran away, while Erik just watched him until he couldn't see him anymore through the gray spray of rain.

~*~

“Isn't it a little bit early for drinking that much?” Someone asked next to him, but Charles just shrugged as he looked at the man. “Not if you're trying to get wasted.”

“Hm. Then I know something that would be better than Scotch.” The man smiled suggestively at him and Charles watched him for a moment, before he swallowed the rest of his Scotch in one sip. “Let's go.”

They weren't even inside his apartment, but in the lift taking them up, as the guy gave him a pill and then kissing him in a way, that made him sick and aroused at the same time. But the drug helped Charles to forget and let go. As the doors slid open, he took the man's hand into his own and pulled him with him. “Somewhere here I'm … living.” Charles stumbled over his last word, as he saw Erik sitting on the floor, leaning on the door of his apartment. As soon as he saw Charles he stood up and walked to him, but stopping by the sight of the man next to Charles.

They blinked at each other. Then Charles pulled his keys out of his pocket and gave them the man. “Just go inside.” The guy did like Charles had said it, while Erik watched him so intense, it turned his insides.

“You … you want to kidding me, do you?” Erik asked in disbelieve and then came closer, gripping Charles on his elbows. But he just shook his head, feeling his lips stretching into a bitter smile. “Never. I've told you. And I bet now you're happier than ever that you're not really loving me.” He looked up to Erik, who suddenly frowned and leaned down to look him deeper in the eyes.

“Mein Gott, Charles! What did you take?” Erik seemed to ignore his words, but Charles did not forget them. Instead he pushed Erik away from him, stumbling to his apartment. “That's my life, Doctor. The only cure I ever need is some good stuff and some really, really good fucking. So tell me Doc, are you still sure you're loving me?” Leaning against his doorway, Charles took Erik's appearance in, who balled his hands into fists.

“If you're just doing that because you want to know if I was honest, Charles … then I'm begging you ...” With that Erik stepped to him and laid a hand onto his cheek. And it felt oddly good. So warm. “Charles, I still … I love you. I really do, so please don't do this.”

For one second Charles believed him. But then he began to laugh and shook his head. “No. You do not, Erik. The little, cute boy you saw, that wasn't me. It was the one you would like me to be, But that's … right now that's me! I love it to get fucked to hard, that I'm still feeling it in the next morning, when I'm already at home, because I'm not staying over and doing all these shit my sister loves to do. Like playing happy family. While she's taking care of her pseudo son, I'm giving some strangers blow jobs in dirty alleys or fuck some woman in a toilet, or take some cock in my ass. That's me. And should I tell you something more, my sexy Doctor? I did the same with you. Our first night was just a very good One Night Stand. And it was just the fact of too much alcohol and a very good fuck that made me stay. Nothing more.”

Charles felt Erik's hand slipping from his face, while Erik tried not to blink, because even with the amount of alcohol and some drug in his system, Charles could see the tears gathering in Erik's steel grey-green eyes. “We don't want the same, Erik.” Charles' wasn't even finished as Erik suddenly turned around and walked away. The sight let his eyes burn and his heart felt like someone pulled it apart. But then Charles just walked inside his apartment where he threw his door close and began to pull off his still wet clothes.

And if he felt tears falling down his face, as the guy pushed with his cock deep into him, then just because he wasn't enough prepared and not because he wished it would be Erik.

~*~

“That's a joke, is it?” Moira asked him the next morning, after he gave her his finished article. “Nope. Why should it be a joke to you?” Charles frowned and leaned over the desk, pulling down the papers she held in her hands. But Moira just took them out of his reach and threw them into the bin. “Because it's boring, Charles. I thought you would bring me some dirty secret about this man. I mean you cannot tell me he's really here just because of his best friend. No one will buy this as a title story. I need more. Especially after one month, Charles! I know you're father - ...”

“That has nothing to do with my private life, Moira!” Surprised about his outburst Moira's eyebrows rose.

“So you really mean that's the best you could make out of one month of research about this guy?” Charles blinked by her tone and suddenly knew what she wanted from him. With a bitter amusement he nodded and stood up. “You really want a scandal, do you? I give you a story that will shock you so much, you'll need to censure it.” With that Charles walked out of her office, straight to his own, where he slammed his door shut and sat down in front of his laptop.

Not two hours later he printed out the story. Clenching the papers into his hand, he pushed the doors of the meeting room open and threw the crumbled papers onto the desk, ignoring the curious glances of his colleagues. “Your story. I quit.” Charles looked deep into Moira's shocked wide eyes, before he turned around and walked out again.

For the really first time in his life he … he felt free.

And not because of some alcohol or drugs making him lose all connections to what's right or wrong. But because it was for once the right thing to do.

Moira wanted a scandal. He gave her one. But not about the only man who doesn't deserved it.

~*~

Erik was just about to finish his work, as his office door was pushed open and Armando stormed in. “You need to read this!” His friend panted like he ran a marathon as threw something onto Erik's closed laptop. Surprised he stared onto fat red letters.

Loosing himself doesn't mattered until he lost the One

“What's that?” Erik asked slowly, taking in the fact that this is the Magazine Charles was writing for. And that this was the issue with the article about him. He just didn't understood the headline. Had Charles made their … thing public? He couldn't believe it, not after what Charles had said into his face. “That's … that's … Erik, you really need to read this! I'm not telling you that like the one time I dared you to watch Downtown Abbey, because it's just a wonderful - okay, sorry - that's not … I just - as your best friend, I tell you, please read it!” Armando looked at him with raised eyebrows and an odd expression on his face. Then he walked out, as fast as he came in and Erik frowned.

A voice in his head told him not to read it. And it also came from his heart. But … the expression of his best friend has told him something different. So he breathed deep in, before he thumbed through the issue until he came to the title story.

And it didn't even took one paragraph to make his mouth fall open in shock.

This title story should be about a Exercise Physiologist - named Erik Lehnsherr. And while I can tell you that he's really amazing in his job, he's also an amazing and beautiful human being. That's the reason the story got canceled. Because he's too good. And with that, too boring for a title story. But as a journalist I should be able to research everything about him. Finding something very scandalous to make this story more interesting. But I wasn't be able to find something, but also not being able to write anything negative about him. So, in the need of writing something very disgracefully, you're not reading the story about Erik Lehnsherr, the man who would do anything for his friends and family. But the story about Charles Xavier, the writer of this story and the man who would do and take everything for a good fuck!

My whole life based on the one thing my father taught me. Monogamy isn't realistic. As a kid you can believe me, I didn't knew what this word even meant. But then I grew older and I did understand what he had meant. It wasn't that hard to fuck around on school. Because when you're young you're not responsible for the things you do. You can always say you're young and free. But when you begin to hear the people around you calling you a whore, just because of your lifestyle and the things you're believing in, it's hard not to care. So it began with some pot. The drugs made it easy and the sex even more better.

I didn't stopped after school and continued with that even on Oxford. And I'm sure if my Professors would read that their little genius Xavier did these things, they would be shocked. Understanding if you have learned the basic of Biology than you know what drugs and alcohol does with your brain cells.

So maybe if I wouldn't have done this to myself, I wouldn't write for a Men's Magazine, but maybe teaching on a university, like I've dreamed as I was still young and not full on a sex-drive.

I've always thought, and I even told this my younger and so beautiful sister, that this life makes me happy. But it was a lie to myself, I just didn't knew about until it was too late. Now you may ask if I did end up in a hospital. No - thank god, not! I just hurt the most amazing guy in the universe, because I couldn't bear the loss of my best friend and father.

I've really thought I had the perfect life. But I haven't. I just couldn't bear to lose what I love. Now I understand that I've drank too much and took drugs for not being myself or letting people come too close to me. Stopping me from coming too close to the people around me. And I've always made the same excuses. Telling the ones that stayed, I wouldn't do relationships and that I'm not doing monogamy. Playing it down, when they found out about me … cheating on them, that they should have known it better. I've always said I wouldn't do relationships because I didn't want to be the damn fool in the end, who get's his heart broken.

What a joke, when it was me who did hurt the others in return. Who was exactly the person, I never wanted to be with. It was always myself I've hated and despised the most. I just not saw it in my drunken and drugged behavior.

But now I'm sober. From alcohol and drugs and sex. For the very first time the thought of any of those three things just makes me sick. I've always thought that combination these things would bring out the best in me. But it just brought out the worst in me.

And it was the reason why I've said the most unforgiving to the only one I've really … fell in love with. On this day, he was with me at the funeral of my father. He even stayed and held my hand as the sky opened up above us. And as if that wouldn't be already the kindest thing to do for your boyfriend, he told me that he loved me. That he was in love with me.

Until this day, no one ever told me that. I mean, my father used to have this very warm smile on his lips, when ever we said goodbye to each other. But we've never told each other how we felt. Or my sister. I've never told her, how much I love her. And that I just was so fucking angry about her husband, not because I hated him, but because I really like him and I think he's the only one for her. Or that I love my damn nephew, who isn't really related with us, and yet I would love to speak with him. But I didn't - I've never did these things because I have such a fear about losing what I love.

And yet it hasn't helped the loss or made it easier. Because my father is dead and I'm so fucking angry with myself not telling him I love him.

And as my boyfriend told me how much he loved me, I just didn't know what to do. Should I answer him that I'm sometimes laying awake next to him, asking myself when he's coming to his mind and realizing that I'm not good enough for him. Will he come to his right mind the next morning? The next week? Or when he's meeting the love of his life in a grocery store? Or should I tell him, that yes, I'm in love with him, too. That I'm into him, the first moment I saw him walking in scrubs into his office? Or that I've never felt so insecure in my whole life, because he makes me feel like I'm the only one for him, and yet just not good enough because he's too amazing. Too good and such a pure soul, that I could not bear it to lose him like that.

But I couldn't say any of these things to him. So I did the only thing I was good in. I ran away, got drunk, took some pill from some stranger and took this guy to my apartment. And yet I don't know if there would have been any drug which could take me out enough, for making me not weep into the pillow, while I had a cock down in my ass that night.

I'm not sure how many people will read this. And I'm also not sure how many of those I've had sex with. Or hurt them in the end. I just hope that you're understand it wasn't you. But me. It was always my fault. And I'm entirely sorry for what I've done. I'm not writing this to feel me better, believe me there isn't enough to say or write to make me ever feel better. Or excuse what I've did. I'm writing this for showing you that I mean it.

My life is a mess. And I'm sorry for pulling any one of you in this mess. For every shit I've done. You all deserved it so much better.

~*~

Raven did read the article still standing in a kiosk. Not even caring about the odd gazes she got for crying about her idiot of a big brother!

~*~

Charles just fell asleep, as he heard some knocking on his door. He thought about ignoring it, just like he did it with Raven's calls. But he didn't wanted his sister to stand in the middle of the night at his door, knocking her hands sore. So he stood up with a sigh and walked down the hallway to his apartment door. Without looking through the peephole he opened it, just freezing as he saw who stood outside on the hallway.

His heart clenched hard and his eyes instantly filled with tears. In silence Erik held up the Magazine with his story. Making him both, hope and fear what Erik may have to say. “I … didn't thought you would read it.” He whispered. And he really hasn't. Charles' even has hoped, that Erik wouldn't read it. In the end there stood so much about him. His true self, that made him disgusted and ashamed about himself.

“I wouldn't have, if Armando haven't told me to read it.” Charles tightened the grip he had on the doorway, needing something to hold onto. “But I'm glad I've read it.” Erik took a step closer and Charles dared to look slowly up into his grey-green eyes. Feeling his heart beating faster. “Is it true? Do you really love me?”

Charles felt the first tear falling as he nodded. “Yes.” He nearly sobbed. “And I'm so - ...” Before he could apology, Erik pulled him into his arms and cradled his head against his shoulder, breathing into his hair. “It's okay.” His fingers wound into the shirt Erik wore, while he shook his head. “No, it isn't. Erik, what I've done … that's not okay. And I don't … I don't want you to make excuses for it.”

Sniffling, Charles pulled back from Erik and looked up into his eyes. “I don't want you to forgive me so easily, because I'm not forgiving me what I've done. You have deserved so much better. Someone who's not … so fucked up!”

Erik returned his deep gaze long, before he nodded. Letting more tears fall and yet Charles knew that this was something he shouldn't look away from. This was his punishment to take and to remember. The hurt and the truth. The knowledge about what it felt to lose what he loves the most because of his own failures. “You're right. I don't deserve this kind of behavior.”

Charles swallowed hard. It felt impossible to breath as his throat began to constrict. “And yet … I love you, Charles. Even more than before, because now I really know everything about you. Especially after knowing that you're in love with me, it's not possible for me to let you go.”

Breathless he stared at Erik and shook his head once to the side. “What?”

Erik smiled a little bit sad, while brushing tears with his thumbs from Charles' wet cheeks. “You asked this already once, Charles.” Then their eyes meet and Charles shook his head in disbelieve, before he wrapped his arms around Erik's neck and pressed himself against him. “I love you.” He sobbed against Erik's neck as strong arms wrapped around his trembling form. Giving him everything. “I love you so, so much, Erik.”

He felt a soft kiss upon his head, followed by Erik's nose burying in his hair. “I love you, too, mein Liebling.” Broad hands gentle stroke over his back up and down. “And I'm not running away, Charles. Not for anyone or because of anything. I'm just too much in love with you, for doing such a thing to you.”

Slowly Charles pulled his head back, feeling a little bit embarrassed that he cried on Erik, so he brushed it away with the sleeve of his pajama. Then he looked up again into Erik's eyes and licked nervously his chapped lips. “Do … do you want to stay the night?” Instantly Erik smiled and nodded briefly. “Every night you want me to.” With that, Erik took one of his hands into his own, letting Charles pull him into his apartment.

It was the first time that Charles let someone stay the night with him. And it shouldn't be left the only one.

~*~ Bonus ~*~

Charles spit the toothpaste out and washed it away. Then he dried his mouth and walked out to their bedroom. Biting his lips, he climbed upon the bed next to Erik, who did read some journal. “Raven called and asked if we come to Sean's birthday this weekend. I've said yes.”

“Would your answer be the same if I'll ask you something else?” Erik asked next to him and Charles positioned himself on his site, watching Erik put aside the journal, before turning to Charles and smiling at him. “Of course, what do you want me to do?” Charles smiled a little bit seductive, but bit his lips as he pushed himself a little bit closer to Erik, kissing the spot underneath Erik's left ear, where he knew how crazy it made Erik. “Do you want me to suck you down?”

“Hm. That's … a really nice idea … but no.” Charles felt Erik's left hand stroking over the inside of his tight, just as Charles pulled away. “No? It's the first time you don't like me to do that.”

Amused Erik grinned. “Yes, the first time in four years, mein Liebling. And while I'm really amazed by your sinful and talented mouth … there is something different I wanted to ask.”

Now Charles was curious. “More than my mouth? Okay, you have me.” With a smile, Charles pulled himself a little bit more up, so he could look Erik better into the eyes. Expectant and wondering he watched Erik's gaze turning from amused to adored, making his insides tingle.

“Du weißt … as I introduced you three years ago to my kids, it was my biggest wish that you come along with each other. I've just hoped that you can be with someone who has already a family. But I should have known that they'll love you because you have this thing surrounding you. Making everyone fall for you. And you're so amazing with Peter and Wanda, so I didn't worried about this anymore. But then you did meet Magda and I thought that would be the day you would leave me, because what she has said to you … Aber du hast nicht - you didn't left and you … you even ripped her a new hole, for being such a Miststück to me.” Charles blinked at Erik.

“Have you some trouble and I should help you out of it?” He asked slowly with a grin, what made Erik laugh. “What - no, nein - just …” Erik looked at him like he couldn't find the words and Charles couldn't even help him, because he didn't knew what Erik wanted to say. “Ich liebe dich.” Erik said in german and Charles had suddenly the feeling that it was maybe something serious, because Erik didn't slipped this often into german except he was really exited. So Charles sat up further until he sat cross legged in front of Erik - watching him closer.

“I - Erik, I love you, too. But right now you make me a little bit nervous. So would you please tell me what's wrong?” Looking Erik deep in his eyes seemed to make Erik just more nervous, so he took his hands gentle into his own. Smiling reassuring at him.

A few seconds later Erik took a deep breath and kissed Charles tender on his lips, before leaning away. “You're the love of my life.” Erik said very softly as he pulled one hand free, caressing with it one of Charles' cheeks. “And we're living together just a few months and yet I know … there won't be a time or anyone other, I want to spent the rest of my life more than with you.”

Charles felt his breath caught in his chest, as he suddenly began to realize what Erik wanted to say and his eyes filled instantly with tears, while he covered with his free hand his mouth. He couldn't believe …

“Charles … do you want to marry me?” Erik asked so quiet, Charles nearly didn't hear it. But he did and his heart jumped so hard, he feared for an infarct.

“Oh my god, yes.” Charles breathed the words out as the first tear fell down his face and he pulled Erik at the same time to him, kissing him over and over again. With a laugh, Erik returned his kisses, and pulled him into his lap, while he wrapped his arms so very tight and strong around Charles, that he nearly couldn't breath. And yet it didn't felt tight enough at this moment.

Years ago, if someone would have told him he would ever marry, Charles would have thought it would be a joke. But also living in a relationship since four years would have been a joke to him - at this time.

Now, Charles couldn't think about a better life than being together with Erik. Sometimes he even wondered how his life would have turned out, if he wouldn't have done so much failures. And yet it was exactly what has lead him to Erik.

With a laugh Charles fell onto his back, while Erik pushed himself between his legs, looking so deep into his eyes, he felt like an open book. But with Erik, maybe he was. And it never felt so good like it did with him. “Do you still want to suck me down?” Erik asked with a dirty smile, what brought Charles more to laugh.

“Yes.” Charles said and bit his lips with a smile he just couldn't shake off. Erik made a soft and approving sound, while he leaned down to Charles and kissed over his throat. “Say it again.” And Charles did.

Over and over again.

Also six months later, as they stood next to each other, in front of their friends and family.

And not once they regretted their decision.

~*~ Fin ~*~