Chapter Text
Sun 23 Jul
(9:11am)
Good morning.
(9:26am)
Good morning 😊
(9:26am)
Can’t believe how late I slept
(9:28am)
Same here. I only woke up when Chris came looking for me after breakfast. God bless my Abuela for being an early riser.
(9:28am)
I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet
(9:29am)
Too cozy
(9:29am)
Hey did you know you talk in your sleep
(9:29am)
Really? No, I didn’t know that. What did I say?
(9:30am)
I couldn’t make out much of it I woke up around 5 needing the bathroom and you were kind of mumbling
(9:30am)
Something about ducks
(9:30am)
Ducks?
(9:30am)
Yeah ducks
(9:31am)
And I’m sure you said something about ladders at some point but I’m not sure
(9:33am)
You snore.
(9:34am)
Oh yeah I know
(9:34am)
Chim moans about it all the time when we’re on night shift
(9:34am)
He says I sound like a chainsaw cutting through logs
(9:35am)
Wouldn’t say it was that bad.
(9:36am)
It was nice, though.
(9:36am)
What my snoring
(9:39am)
Falling asleep with someone. It’s been a while.
(9:39am)
Yeah
(9:40am)
It was nice
(9:40am)
I didn’t feel so lonely for once
(9:42am)
Have you heard from her?
(9:42am)
No
(9:42am)
Nothing for weeks
(9:43am)
But screw her right
(9:43am)
Right.
***
Tue 25 Jul
(2:38pm)
I’ve been meaning to ask
(2:38pm)
How’s the training going
(2:38pm)
I bet you’re acing it
(2:38pm)
Whatever it is
(5:08pm)
It’s going great. Over half way through now.
(5:45pm)
The end is in sight then
(5:45pm)
We’ll have to celebrate when you finish
(5:56pm)
You’ll have to beat my Abuela to it.
(5:56pm)
😆
(5:56pm)
Maybe we can do like a virtual dinner date
(6:00pm)
I like that idea. We could cook the other’s favourite dish.
(6:00pm)
Only if you’re prepared to cook vegan
(6:00pm)
You’re vegan?
(6:01pm)
Yeah
(6:01pm)
For like 4 years
(6:01pm)
(6:01pm)
Is that a deal breaker for you 🤣
(6:02pm)
Not at all, just amazed that someone can have your muscle mass while eating vegan.
(6:02pm)
It takes a lot of work
(6:02pm)
I bet it does.
***
Sat 29 Jul
(6:24am)
(6:24am)
All packed up from the storage unit.
(6:25am)
(6:25am)
In the words of my son, let’s do this!
(6:39am)
Ah man
(6:39am)
I totally forgot
(6:39am)
HAPPY MOVING DAY
(6:40am)
I wish I could help
(11:16pm)
Jesus. I am exhausted.
(11:16pm)
(11:16pm)
But we’re all unpacked.
(11:20pm)
Congrats
(11:21pm)
But also
(11:21pm)
I thought you said you didn’t have your uniform
(11:22pm)
I don’t. I have a couple of old fatigues but not a full uniform.
(11:22pm)
It’s hot
(11:22pm)
Behave.
(11:22pm)
😅
(11:23pm)
I’m just saying you look good
(11:29pm)
Sure 😏
(11:29pm)
Get some sleep Eds
***
Wed 2 Aug
(2:12am)
Are you awake?
(4:18am)
Hey sorry we were out on a call
(4:18am)
You ok
(4:18am)
Is Christopher ok
(5:47am)
Christopher’s ok. Me, not so much. Are you still at work or can I call?
(5:48am)
Incoming call – Buck
“Hey.”
“Eds? Is everything ok? You had me really worried when you didn’t reply.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry. I managed to get a few hours’ sleep, nowhere near enough seeing as I have to go to training today and we apparently have a big assessment this morning which counts as a huge part of our final score.”
“Eds. Eddie, just talk to me.”
“I’m not keeping you from something?”
“Only if the bell goes off. Everyone else is still in the bunks or watching TV. I’m all yours. What’s going on, Eds?”
“Chris got sick last night and—”
“Wait, I thought you said he was ok?”
“He is now, but last night he just kept throwing up and he spiked a fever, and I’ve had medical training, but I just freaked out.”
“Of course you would, he’s your kid, Eddie.”
“I know, but I panicked and I threw him in my truck and drove straight to the nearest ER. That’s where we were when I first messaged.”
“And they looked him over, right, he’s ok?”
“He just has stomach flu. That’s it, no appendicitis, no gallstones, no internal hemorrhaging, and I was panicked, yeah, but that’s not why I freaked out.”
“Then why did you?”
“I freaked out because I was alone.”
“Oh, Eds.”
“Pathetic, right?”
“No, Eddie. It’s not pathetic. I can’t…I’m not a parent, I can’t even begin to understand how scary it must be when your kid is sick, especially a kid like Chris who already has health issues—”
“That’s just it, I’m used to Chris being sick. Or, well, not sick but, like you say, he has health issues. There are days when his legs or his back hurt so much from his CP that he can’t walk or even sit up. Plus, this isn’t the first stomach bug or fever he’s had, but before, Shannon was always here. I was the one who was away. I was halfway around the world fighting someone else’s war and Christopher had his mother. Last night, it’s like I finally understood what she was always trying to tell me about feeling alone. Because she was. Because I was. I was alone and I couldn’t do anything to help him and I just felt so…inadequate.”
“Eddie, you are not inadequate. And you did do something to help him. You took him to the hospital and you made sure he was checked over, and that he was ok.”
“Yes, but—”
“No. No buts. You did everything you were supposed to do. And as for being alone, you’re not. You have your Abuela, other family wherever you are, and you have me. I’m only ever a phone call away, just like now. I know it’s not the same as being able to stand next to you and hold your hand, but I’ll always be there for you, Eds. If we were in the same city you could have called me and I would have come running, okay? You are not alone in this, Eds.”
“You would do that? For me? For Chris?”
“Of course!”
“But you haven’t even met him. He could be a real brat for all you know.”
“How could he? He’s yours.”
“That’s nice of you to say.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Well, you might have to convince me on that a little more. He takes after Shannon more than he does me. Apparently, I was the broody one in the relationship, and not in the ‘I want another baby’ way.”
“Broody. Yeah, I see it. That must be hard though, if you think Chris takes after her more, seeing the reminder of her every day.”
“Even if he didn’t he’s still a reminder of her. But that will never be a bad thing. I loved Shannon, we made a life together, it wasn’t perfect, we weren’t perfect by any means, but the life that we made, it was ours. Together.”
“And now? Do you still love her?”
“She’s the mother of my child, even if I didn’t love her romantically, I would always love her for giving me the most precious gift she could.”
“Do you? Still love her…romantically?”
“…no.”
“I—damn, that’s the bell, I have to go. You gonna be ok?”
“Yeah, I’m just going to catch some sleep while Chris is still out. I’ll be fine.”
“Yeah! I’m coming! Sorry, Bobby’s calling me. Talk later, yeah?”
“Yes. Stay safe, Buck.”
“Always do.”
(12:42pm)
How did your assessment go??
(12:56pm)
Pretty good I think. I’ll find out in a few days.
(12:58pm)
(12:58pm)
From last night. Bravest kid I know.
(12:59pm)
Superman!!!
***
Tue 8 Aug
(5:22pm)
I had a meeting with one of the trainers today. That assessment? 100%.
(6:12pm)
No way!!!
(6:12pm)
Eddie I’m so proud of you
***
Fri 11 Aug
(10:16am)
Hey
(10:16am)
Can I get your opinion on something
(11:30am)
Sure.
(11:39am)
Ok
(11:39am)
So
(11:39am)
Submissions for the LAFD calendar are coming up
(11:41am)
That’s a thing?
(11:41am)
Yeah
(11:41am)
Hot Days, Smouldering Nights: Men of the LAFD wall calendar
(11:42am)
That title is ridiculous.
(11:42am)
What??
(11:42am)
It’s fun
(11:42am)
But I need an opinion on my submission pics
(11:43am)
I’d ask Hen but she’s a lesbian
(11:43am)
And Chim is going on about entering himself so I can’t show him
(11:43am)
And Bobby’s like my dad so I definitely can’t show him
(11:44am)
It’s fine, Buck. Send me your pictures. I’ll give you my honest thoughts.
(11:45am)
Thanks
(11:45am)
Ok so there’s this
(11:45am)
(11:45am)
Or this
(11:45am)
(11:52am)
Eds?
(11:56am)
Sorry, I’m pretty sure my brain just short-circuited.
(12:01pm)
Oh
(12:01pm)
They’re good then
(12:02pm)
Yes, Buck. They’re good.
(12:02pm)
Thank god
(12:02pm)
I thought you just didn’t know how to let me down
(12:03pm)
Certainly not the case. One thing, however. It’s supposed to be a sexy calendar, yes?
(12:03pm)
Yeah
(12:03pm)
That’s the idea
(12:04pm)
Hot sexy shirtless firemen
(12:04pm)
Why
(12:04pm)
Well, as lovely as your face is, the people selecting the photos are probably going to want to see more of you.
(12:04pm)
(12:05pm)
How about this
(12:05pm)
🥵🔥
(12:05pm)
Much better.
(12:05pm)
Which month would you want to be?
(12:05pm)
August
(12:05pm)
It’s my birthday month
(12:06pm)
When in August? Christopher is an August baby, too.
(12:06pm)
Oh yeah I remember you saying
(12:06pm)
I’m the 30th
(12:06pm)
Chris is the 27th.
(12:06pm)
Wow
(12:06pm)
We’re like birthday buddies
(12:07pm)
You are.
(12:07pm)
I love that
(12:07pm)
What’s he doing for his birthday
(12:07pm)
He wants to go surfing.
(12:08pm)
Surfing???
(12:08pm)
He saw some people surfing on TV the other week and he said he wants to try it. I’m not so sure.
(12:08pm)
Why not
(12:09pm)
Because he has CP, Buck. He didn’t start walking until he was 3, and even then it was only with a walker, and it took another year and a half before he could walk unaided. Now he wants to stand on a foam board on a moving ocean.
(12:09pm)
Actually most surfboards are made of polyurethane with a fibreglass coating
(12:10pm)
That’s not exactly the point, Buck.
(12:10pm)
Then what is
(12:10pm)
Christopher probably just wants to be like all the other kids
(12:10pm)
Let him try
(12:11pm)
If it doesn’t work he can try something else
(12:11pm)
I just don’t want him to be disappointed when it doesn’t.
(12:11pm)
If not when Eds
(12:11pm)
Look I used to be terrified of horses right
(12:13pm)
But when I was traveling I worked on a ranch for a few months there was no other work in the area so I just had to get on with it and I was scared every time I had to clean the stables that I was gonna get kicked or something
(12:13pm)
And then one of the riders broke their leg and they needed someone else to help with the treks and I was the only one available so I had to just suck it up and get on that horse
(12:13pm)
And you know what
(12:14pm)
Now I love horses
(12:14pm)
Haven’t ridden in a while now not many opportunities to in LA
(12:14pm)
You are a constant surprise, Buck.
(12:14pm)
But I’m definitely going to need photographic evidence of you as a ranch hand.
(12:15pm)
I think I have one on my phone somewhere
(12:15pm)
Hold on
(12:17pm)
(12:17pm)
Well, howdy.
(12:17pm)
Tennessee man
(12:17pm)
Beautiful state
(12:18am)
So, what do you have planned for your birthday?
(12:18am)
Nothing yet
(12:18am)
It’s midweek so probably just do drinks with the team at the weekend
(8:43pm)
Ok so I’ve been doing some research and I’ve found a bunch of organisations that do surf therapy for kids with additional needs they’re run by volunteers and have strict rules when it comes to instructors they have to be proficient and have like ten years surfing experience
(8:44pm)
The kids go out on the boards with them and they wear wetsuits and life jackets and everything and it’s totally safe take a look at the website and watch their videos https://intlsurftherapy.org/ it’s totally worth looking to see if there’s something like that near you
(9:02pm)
Buck.
(9:02pm)
This looks incredible, how did you find out about it?
(9:03pm)
I just started by searching for surfing schools and then programs for kids with special needs I went down a few rabbit holes asked around on a few surfing chat rooms and someone directed me to surf therapy
(9:03pm)
That must have taken you hours.
(9:04pm)
Nah it was nothing
(9:04pm)
Chris deserves it
(9:06pm)
❤️
***
Sun 13 Aug
(2:40pm)
This kid is growing like a weed. I can’t believe he’s going to be 7 in just a few weeks.
(2:40pm)
(4:18pm)
Just wait he’ll be a teenager before you know it
***
Tue 15 Aug
(8:02am)
Incoming call - Edmundo 💙
Missed call - Edmundo 💙
(8:05am)
Voicemail - Edmundo 💙
“Hey. It’s me. I just wanted to let you know that I found a surf therapy place not too far from us. I called them today and asked probably way too many questions, but they were so helpful and everything was just…perfect. So, he’s going. He’s going surfing. They have sessions every other weekend and there’s one actually on his birthday. I can’t wait to tell him tonight. He’s going to be so excited, and that’s…that’s all down to you, Buck. You did this, you made this happen. So, thank you. I can’t tell you what it means. Um, I don’t know if you’re working today but if you are I hope you have a safe shift.”
(4:11pm)
No way!!! Eds that’s the best news
(4:11pm)
I’m so excited for him
(4:11pm)
And you don’t have to thank me
(6:57pm)
No, I do. Because I told him tonight that he was going surfing for his birthday and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so big, and bright, and beautiful.
(6:57pm)
You did that, Buck.
(6:57pm)
Just send me a picture of him riding the waves
(6:57pm)
That’s all the thanks I need
***
Wed 16 Aug
(5:52am)
Are you working on the 30th?
(6:00am)
What on my birthday
(6:00am)
No I’m off that day
(6:00am)
Do you have any plans yet?
(6:01am)
Why
(6:01am)
Reasons.
(6:01am)
Eddie
(6:01am)
Buck.
(6:01am)
Eds
(6:02am)
Bucks.
(6:02am)
Hm, that doesn’t really work.
(6:02am)
Evan
(6:02am)
Evan?
(6:02am)
That’s my name
(6:02am)
My real name
(6:02am)
Evan Buckley
(6:03am)
Buckley? Well, now Buck makes sense.
(6:03am)
Back to my question. Do you have any plans yet?
(6:03am)
No Eddie I don’t have any plans
(6:03am)
Good, don’t make any.
(6:03am)
What are you up to
(6:04am)
Got to get Christopher up for school. Talk to you later, Evan.
(6:04am)
😒
***
Fri 18 Aug
(6:14pm)
You were the sole topic of conversation at dinner with Abuela tonight.
(6:14pm)
Christopher gave me strict instructions to send you this picture.
(6:14pm)
(8:39pm)
😍😍😍
(8:39pm)
Was I?
(8:41pm)
He was telling her all about how daddy’s friend Buck was going to teach him how to surf.
(8:41pm)
Oh man, that’s the best!
(8:41pm)
Although, this is where I have to confess that I don’t actually know how to surf
(8:42pm)
I’ve only been twice I think since I move to LA
(8:43pm)
Evan Buckley, did I see commas in there?
(8:43pm)
Oh yeah 😂
(8:43pm)
I guess you’ve had a positive influence on me
***
Sat 19 Aug
(9:12am)
Incoming call – Buck
“Hi, Buck!”
“Uh…hi. Is that…are you Christopher?”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s so nice to meet you, finally. I hear you’re excited about going surfing?”
“Yeah, it’s gonna be awesome. I can’t wait to go. Daddy said that you helped him find it.”
“I did, yeah. He told me that you wanted to go and I wanted to make that happen for you. You’ll have to tell me all about it.”
“Ok. I told daddy I want to make sand castles, too.”
“Yeah? You like going to the beach?”
“Uh-huh. We didn’t go to the beach in Texas ‘cos we lived too far away. But now that we live here we’re really close. We go to the beach a lot.”
“That’s awesome, buddy. Where I grew up we didn’t have a beach anywhere near. We had a lake that had a pretend beach, but not anything as cool as the real ocean here in LA. It’s my favourite place to go to.”
“I like LA. It’s so much better than El Paso.”
“…what did you say?”
“LA is better than El Paso ‘cos my Abuelita and my Tia Pepa live here, and I get to see them all the time.”
“You…you moved to LA?”
“Uh-huh, it was a really long drive, but daddy drove to the grand, um, the grand…I forgot the name.”
“The Grand Canyon?”
“Yeah. It was really big and wide.”
“Yeah. Yeah, it’s big. Hey, um, is—is your daddy there?”
“He’s in the shower. I can take the phone to him?”
“No! Uh, no. No, it’s ok. I’ll talk to him later. I have to go. I hope you really enjoy surfing, Christopher.”
“Thank you, Buck. It’s going to make me really happy.”
“Good.”
“It made daddy happy, too. Daddy’s happy a lot now. He didn’t used to smile very much but he always smiles when you text him.”
“He—he does?”
“Yeah. You make daddy really happy.”
“Thanks, Chris. And I know it’s early, but happy birthday.”
“Thank you, Buck.”
“Bye, Chris.
(10:32am)
Hey, Chris said you called. Want me to call back?
(12:14pm)
No, it’s ok
(12:25pm)
You sure? Everything ok?
(7:44pm)
Everything’s fine
***
Mon 21 Aug
(6:02am)
Good morning.
(12:13pm)
How’s your shift today?
***
Tue 22 Aug
(8:15am)
(8:15am)
Someone was excited for school this morning.
***
Wed 23 Aug
(11:59am)
Incoming call - Edmundo 💙
Missed call - Edmundo 💙
(11:59am)
Voicemail - Edmundo 💙
“Hey, Buck. Just checking in. I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days so I just wanted to check you were ok. You’re probably just on a run of shifts, but it feels weird not to hear from you at least once a day. Anyway. Oh, you still haven’t made any plans for next Wednesday, right? Let me know. Hopefully I’ll catch you later.”
(3:40pm)
Dispatch to Firefighter Buckley?
(7:21pm)
Ok, I am now officially concerned. Do I need to start calling hospitals?
(9:37pm)
Sorry
(9:37pm)
Like you said, just a run of shifts
(9:37pm)
All is fine
(9:43pm)
Ok, if you’re sure? You seem a little off is all.
(9:58pm)
Just have a few things on my mind
(9:58pm)
Nothing to worry about Eddie.
(9:58pm)
Just give me a couple of days.
***
Sat 26 Aug
(12:33pm)
Hey Eds
(12:33pm)
I’m sorry for the last few days
(12:33pm)
There was a thing that I kind of got stuck in my head about, and I needed to just work through it. I’m sorry if you were worried you don’t need to be.
(12:37pm)
Buck. I think that’s the most punctuation I’ve ever seen you use.
(12:37pm)
But I’m glad you’re ok. I was worried.
(12:38pm)
Was it something to do with Abby? Have you heard from her?
(12:40pm)
No. Nothing to do with Abby
(12:40pm)
I actually haven’t thought about her in a while
(12:41pm)
Really?
(12:41pm)
Yeah
(12:42pm)
Is Chris looking forward to tomorrow?
(12:42pm)
Oh man, he’s crazy excited. Birthday breakfast with his Abuela and Pepa, surfing in the afternoon and then we heading to a Cuban restaurant for dinner.
(12:45pm)
That’s a pretty epic birthday for a 7 year old
(12:45pm)
He’s a lucky kid
(12:47pm)
You must have really won him over on the phone the other day, he asked if you could come.
(12:47pm)
He did?
(12:48pm)
Wish I could
(12:48pm)
Maybe one day
(12:50pm)
I said we’d send you lot of pictures though.
(1:13pm)
I can’t wait to see him riding the waves
(1:20pm)
God, me too. He’s already told me I need to have a go too.
(1:23pm)
Have you ever surfed before?
(1:24pm)
Never. Not a lot of opportunities to surf in Texas. Our closest beach was maybe 11 hours away.
(1:25pm)
Yeah. Chris said there wasn’t one near by
(1:25pm)
What else did you two talk about? He wouldn’t tell me, he just seemed so pleased that he got to talk to you.
(1:27pm)
Not much
(1:27pm)
We only talked for a minute or 2
(1:29pm)
He did say he liked living so close to Abuela
(1:29pm)
He did?
(1:30pm)
Yeah
(1:30pm)
That was pretty much it
(1:30pm)
The bell rang so I had to go
(1:33pm)
Well, I’m glad you two got to talk. I want him to get to know you.
(1:34pm)
You do?
(1:34pm)
I do.
(1:36pm)
I guess you need to come to LA then
(1:36pm)
Yeah, I guess we do.
(1:39pm)
Let me know if you decide to visit
(1:39pm)
I can always pick you up from the airport
(1:39pm)
You’ll be my first port of call.
***
Sun 27 Aug
(6:30am)
Hey
(6:30am)
I’m gonna call and leave a message for Christopher. Don’t answer.
(6:30am)
Ok.
(6:30am)
Incoming call – Buck
Missed call – Buck
(6:31am)
Voicemail – Buck
“Hey, Superman! Happy birthday, Christopher! I hope you have the most amazing day today, you’re going to kill it on the waves. I can’t wait to see pictures, make sure you nag at your dad to send them, yeah? Say hi to your Abuela and Tia Pepa for me at breakfast. Bye!”
(6:56am)
He loved that. Thanks, Buck.
(6:56am)
(6:57am)
I hope he has the best day
(12:15pm)
Buck.
(12:19pm)
Eddie?
(12:20pm)
Have you ever seen a grown man cry?
(12:20pm)
(12:21pm)
GO CHRIS!!
(12:22pm)
You’re a miracle worker, Buck. I’ve never seen him as happy as he is right now.
(12:25pm)
The surf instructors are so good with him, the guy got him up on the board on the first wave.
(12:26pm)
Man, I wish I could see it
(12:45pm)
(12:58pm)
He’s refusing to get out of the water.
(1:00pm)
🤣🤣
(1:29pm)
Finally managed to get him onto dry land with the promise of some volleyball and some sandcastle building.
(1:29pm)
(7:13pm)
How was dinner?
(8:29pm)
Dinner ended with dancing.
(8:29pm)
(8:54pm)
You can dance?
(8:54pm)
I’m Latino, Buck. Of course I can dance.
(9:00pm)
You’ll have to show me one day
(9:01pm)
After how happy you made my son today, I’d dance butt ass naked outside the White House for you.
(9:01pm)
No that would be a sight to see
(9:01pm)
I only pointed you in the right direction, you’re the one that made everything happen. So take some of the praise and gratitude and direct it back at yourself. You deserve it too Eds.
(9:02pm)
How is the birthday boy?
(9:05pm)
(9:05pm)
Fell asleep on me within seconds of us settling on the couch to watch a movie.
(9:05pm)
Little man all tuckered out
(9:05pm)
God Eds, he’s the best
(9:05pm)
Don’t I know it.
(9:06pm)
I’m going to try and get him into his bed without waking him. Be back in a bit.
(9:06pm)
I’ll be here
(9:24pm)
Success. Didn’t even stir once. I don’t think I’ll be far behind him, it’s been a long and exciting day.
(9:33pm)
I bet
(9:33pm)
You know I just realised, I don’t think I ever asked when your birthday it
(9:34pm)
January 1st.
(9:34pm)
New year’s baby
(9:34pm)
Yeah, my mom likes to remind me every year how she spent the entirety of her new year’s eve in labour.
(9:36pm)
Ah, parental guilt. I’m familiar with it
(9:42pm)
I’m exhausted.
(9:42pm)
(9:42pm)
Wow
(9:42pm)
See something you like?
(9:43pm)
Ok, double wow
(9:43pm)
Edmundo. Are you openly flirting with me?
(9:44pm)
Maybe.
(9:44pm)
Can I call you?
(9:45pm)
Yes
(9:45pm)
Incoming call - Edmundo 💙
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
***
Mon 28 Aug
(5:51am)
Morning.
(5:54am)
Good morning
(5:54am)
Can we talk about last night?
(5:54am)
Please don’t tell me you regret it Eds. Because I don’t
(5:55am)
That’s not what I was going to say. I don’t regret it. Not a second of it.
(5:55am)
Oh
(5:55am)
That’s good
(5:55am)
What did you want to talk about then?
(5:56pm)
Literally just that. I just wanted you to know.
(5:56am)
That I did enjoy it, I mean.
(5:56am)
Because I did.
(5:56am)
A lot.
(5:57am)
Not your usual eloquence there Edmundo
(5:57am)
I bet you’re blushing like a pubescent school boy
(5:57am)
You’re a dick.
(5:57am)
🤣
(5:58am)
Correction, I have a dick
(5:58am)
Which you saw plenty of last night
(5:58am)
I did.
(5:58am)
I saw plenty of yours too
(5:59am)
You did.
(5:59am)
Can I see it again?
(5:59am)
I should have text you earlier. Chris is going to be up any minute.
(5:59am)
Later then?
(6:00am)
It’s a date.
(6:00am)
It’s a date
***
Tue 29 Aug
(11:57am)
You’re still off tomorrow, right?
(12:03pm)
Short of an emergency recall being announced I am totally free and otherwise unoccupied
(12:13pm)
Good.
(12:13pm)
So, I’ve organised a thing.
(12:13pm)
Several things, really.
(12:13pm)
Think of it like a birthday scavenger hunt.
(12:14pm)
Eds
(12:14pm)
That sounds amazing, but you really didn’t have to
(12:14pm)
I wanted to. After what you did for Christopher, I need to be able to thank you.
(12:15pm)
And this is how I want to do it.
(12:15pm)
So please, just enjoy it.
(12:15pm)
*dramatic sigh*
(12:16pm)
Fine
(12:16pm)
Only because it’s you
(12:18pm)
Oh gosh, you’re so self-suffering.
(12:18pm)
Promise me you won’t google anything I send you before you go?
(12:19pm)
Pinkie promise
(12:21pm)
Good. I’ll send you the first one tomorrow morning.
***
Wed 30 Aug
(7:14am)
Incoming call - Edmundo 💙
“’lo?”
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Buck, happy birthday to you. Happy Birthday, Buck!”
“Hey, Christopher. Thank you so much, buddy.”
“Daddy wants to say happy birthday, too.”
“He does?”
“Hey, Buck. Happy birthday. Sorry for the early morning wake up on your day off. I couldn’t convince Christopher to wait any longer.”
“That’s ok. I think that’s the best wake up call I’ve ever had.”
“Go get your things ready, mijo, I’ve got to drop you at Abuela’s a little early today. So, you ready for some birthday escapades?”
“I’m not going to lie, I’m a little nervous about not having a clue what’s going on. You swear to me you’re not sending me on some, like, I don’t know, serial killer mission?”
“I promise, no serial killers involved. I’ve got to run, but you’re going to love it, I swear. I’ll text you the first part in a bit. Happy birthday, Buck.”
“Thanks, Eds. Have a great day.”
“And you, Evan.”
(8:56am)
226 E Magnolia Blvd, Burbank. It starts at noon so get there a bit beforehand. Wear comfortable clothes.
(9:12am)
(11:45am)
Rock climbing?
(11:46am)
Ok, this is pretty cool
(11:53am)
You already paid??
(11:53am)
What the hell Eddie, you didn’t have to do that
(12:00pm)
It’s your birthday. You can’t pay for your own birthday treat. You’re booked for an hours session.
(12:05pm)
Seriously though Eds
(12:05pm)
(12:05pm)
This is amazing. Thank you
(12:10pm)
Enjoy. When you’re done grab yourself some lunch, then you need to head to 3400 N Beachwood Drive for 2:30pm. Again, get there a little early.
(1:08pm)
Man that was so much fun
(1:08pm)
We need to do that together next time
(1:09pm)
And we need to take Chris. I talked to one of the instructors and she said they do sessions for kids like him. They have adapted harnesses and everything
(1:36pm)
He would love that. You’re having lunch, yes?
(1:37pm)
Yes dad
(1:37pm)
Found a place near by
(1:40pm)
Good boy.
(1:40pm)
Kinky 😏😉
(2:14pm)
Eddie!!!
(2:14pm)
Are you for real?
(2:14pm)
How did you even know about these places
(2:14pm)
(2:20pm)
I can’t believe you did this for me
(2:22pm)
(2:35pm)
It’s called the internet, Buck, and a little thing called research.
(2:35pm)
You like it?
(2:48pm)
Eds
(2:48pm)
I love it
(2:48pm)
(2:50pm)
(3:00pm)
Great view.
(3:18pm)
It gets better
(3:18pm)
(3:18pm)
We’re on a trail that leads around the back of the Hollywood sign
(3:44pm)
I know. That’s the one I booked.
(4:03pm)
You’re a sneaky bastard Edmundo
(4:08pm)
(4:08pm)
This was amazing. Thank you
(4:10pm)
Don’t thank me yet, it’s not over. Your last stop is 395 Santa Monica Place, find somewhere to park near the pier and let me know when you’re there.
(5:30pm)
Here and parked
(5:30pm)
I’m not late or anything am I?
(5:31pm)
Traffic was pretty heavy
(5:37pm)
No, you’re good.
(5:38pm)
The address I gave you is for True Food Kitchen. Go and order whatever you want of the menu for take-out, then find a spot on the beach to watch the sunset.
(5:38pm)
Eddie
(5:38pm)
This is too much
(5:38pm)
Don’t turn down a free meal, Buckley. Go!
(6:22pm)
If this isn’t the best seat in the house then I don’t know what is
(6:22pm)
(6:27pm)
💛
(6:59pm)
Thank you for this
(6:59pm)
Birthday’s weren’t really a big thing in our house
(7:00pm)
My parents would get us a cake and we’d get a sweater or something. But there were never parties or birthday trips
(7:00pm)
But this today, today has been like every birthday wish I’ve ever made has come true in one day.
(7:03pm)
I’m glad, Buck. You deserved to have a good day.
(7:05pm)
You’re a good man Edmundo
(7:23pm)
(7:24pm)
Beautiful.
(7:24pm)
Just like you.
(7:29pm)
The only thing that could have made this even more perfect is if you had been here with me to watch it.
(7:33pm)
❤️
***
Thurs 31 Aug
(7:19am)
By my count you’ve got to be coming to the end of your training soon right?
(7:42am)
Yes. Next week.
(7:43am)
Ah man. Congrats
(7:43am)
I can’t wait to find out what you’re going to be doing
(7:43am)
You will tell me won’t you?
(7:46am)
You have my word, when I’m ready I will tell you.
***
Fri 1 Sept
(8:12pm)
(8:29pm)
Oh, I forgot. Tonight is the big birthday night out.
(8:29pm)
You clean up good, Buckley.
(9:45pm)
I masy alresdy be drubnk
(9:49pm)
Enjoy yourself responsibly.
(9:49pm)
If you still know what that word means.
(9:50pm)
🖕🏼
(11:53pm)
Incoming call – Buck
“Is this a drunken booty call?”
“Would you be mad if it was?”
“No. but then we don’t always make the best decisions when we’re drunk. Are you still out?”
“Just got home. Well, as much as this place can be home.”
“Abby’s?”
“Yeah. I’m looking though. I know I need to get out of here.”
“Is that it then? For you and Abby?”
“It was over months ago, Eds. I just didn’t see it. Besides, there’s someone else in my life now.”
“…Buck.”
“I know, ok? I know. We’ve never met in person, but Eddie, I’m…there’s something there. Between us. You can’t tell me you don’t feel it too.”
“I don’t know what I feel, Buck.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I spoke to Shannon the other day.”
“…oh. I didn’t…I didn’t know you guys were in contact again.”
“She’s Christopher’s mom.”
“Y-yeah, I just…you know, the way she left. Left both of you.”
“But this move, it was always with the intention of us reconnecting.”
“You moved for Shannon?”
“It was what she wanted. When I first got back from Afghanistan she asked me about it, about moving closer to her mom so she could look after her while she went through chemo, but it was too soon. I’d just gotten back and I needed time to recover from my injuries. I wanted to spend some time with my family, too. But what I didn’t see what that she needed to be with her family as well.”
“I just…I thought…”
“You thought what?”
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”
“No, what—”
“I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry. Just forget I did. Put it down to the alcohol.”
“Buck—”
“I probably better drink some water and go to bed. Night, Eddie.”
“Buck, wait, we need to—”
***
Sat 2 Sept
(12:24am)
Are you ok? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have dropped that on you like that. Maybe I should have said something sooner. It’s probably for the best, right?
(1:18pm)
Sure Eddie
(1:18pm)
Whatever you say
(2:27pm)
Please don’t be like that, Buck.
(11:12pm)
You said you didn’t love her anymore
(11:12pm)
Not romantically at least
(11:13pm)
I don’t know how else I was supposed to take that
***
Sun 3 Sept
(1:11am)
I’m sorry, Buck.
(1:11am)
What part are you sorry for?
(1:11am)
The part where you lied to me about your feelings for her or the phone sex we had the other day?
(1:12am)
Just so I know where I stand.
(1:12am)
Incoming call - Edmundo 💙
Missed call - Edmundo 💙
(1:13am)
Incoming call - Edmundo 💙
“What, Eddie?”
“I’m not sorry for the phone sex. I already told you I don’t regret a second of it.”
“Then, what?
“…it’s complicated, Buck. This whole situation is complicated. I never imagined that things were going to turn out this way. You were…you were a wrong number, Buck, and now? You’re my best friend.”
“Is that all?”
“I’m don’t think I can offer you anything else.”
“Well, thank you, I guess, for clearing that up. Now I know where I stand.”
“Buck, please. Don’t…don’t let my hang ups come between us. Whatever happens, you’re still my best friend.”
“So, you did lie about your feelings for Shannon.”
“No. I never lied to you, Buck.”
“Then if you don’t love her then why are you trying to fix things with her?”
“Because she’s Christopher’s mother.”
“And? Eddie, there are plenty of divorced or separated parents. I told you once, just because you got married and had a kid together doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together. Maybe you’ll be better parents together but apart?”
“You’re not married, Buck, you can’t expect to—”
“Don’t you dare tell me that I can’t understand, not when I have been waiting for months for a woman who I told I would wait for. Who I did wait for, even when she couldn’t be fucked to send a quick text to let me know where she stood. I have spent months feeling like a ghost haunting her apartment, trapped into waiting for her. So, don’t you dare, Eddie. Don’t you dare tell me I can’t understand.”
“It’s not the same, Buck. You guys don’t have a kid.”
“So, what, you’re just going to be miserable? You going to stay in an unhappy marriage just because of your son? That will kill you Eddie. It will chip away at you every day until you are nothing but a miserable shell of yourself.”
“This was never meant to be anything, Buck. You and me. If that guy hadn’t given you the wrong number—”
“One number.”
“What?”
“It was one wrong number.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I was out with the crew the other night I saw him. Dillon. I didn’t recognise him at first but he recognised me, and he asked why I never called or messaged. He didn’t wrong number me, Eddie, not on purpose. The number he gave me was new, he hadn’t fully memorised it yet, and when he gave it to me he got the last number wrong. It was one wrong number, Eds. One wrong number led me to you.”
“One wrong number.”
“Yeah. Just one number and I met the sweetest, kindest, most amazing man, who would, literally, take a bullet for his son. A man who moved half way across the country to try and give his son a better life. A man who put up with my terrible grammar and complete lack of punctuation, my terrible chat up lines, and drunken flirting, and my whining about my jet setting girlfriend. A man who just gave me the best birthday in my life. A man who makes even the tamest of phone sex feel like the kinkiest experience I’ve ever had. A man who…a man who I have never met in person but who I have fallen…completely and hopelessly in love with.”
“…Buck, I—”
“No. Please. If you’re not going to tell me that you feel the same then I don’t what to hear it. I can’t hear it. And it’s ok if you don’t, because if this is the only way I can have you, as just a person on the other end of a phone who lives…God, I don’t even know where. If all I can have is you as a friend then I would take that a million times over. I can’t lose you from my life, Eds. I can’t.”
“I’m not…I’m not going anywhere, Buck. I meant it when I said you were my best friend. But that’s…that’s all I can offer you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok, Eds. Really.”
“I, um, I think I’m going to take a few days. I need…I need to focus on…things. I’m at the end of my training and this job, it’s going to be intense. I don’t even know where I’m going to be placed yet and…I just need some time.”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’m sorry, Eddie, I never meant to make things awkward or—”
“Don’t ever apologise for how you feel, Buck. Ever.”
“…I should…I‘m going to go. I should let you get some sleep. You…you take care, yeah?”
“This isn’t goodbye, Buck.”
“It kind of feels like it is. Night, Eddie.”
***
Fri 8 Sept
(8:34am)
Incoming call - Edmundo 💙
Missed call - Edmundo 💙
(8:38am)
Voicemail – Edmundo 💙
“Hey, Buck…you’re probably out on a call. It’s my last day today. Of training. Seventeen weeks, feels like a lifetime. I, uh, I just…I don’t know. I miss talking to you. And yes, I know, I was the one who, yet again, said they need some time. Sometimes I feel like it’s all I ever do, take too much time, let things get away from me. But, I’m going to…I’m going to change that. I’ll find out today if I’ve passed, and if I have, where I’ll be working, and a lot of stuff hinges on that. I hope…I hope you’re doing ok. I can’t help but worry about you, alone in someone else’s apartment. I don’t like not talking to you. Whatever way today goes, I don’t want to lose you. You said if all you can have is me as a friend that you’d take it. Well, I’d take that too, Buck. You’re one of the most important people in my life and I don’t want to lose you either. Let’s talk, yeah? Let me get the next few days out of the way and then we’ll talk. Because, Evan, I miss you.”
(2:13pm)
I miss you to Eds
(2:17pm)
We’ll talk
***
Mon 11 Sept
(9:43am)
Did you find out?
(9:44am)
Where you’ll be working?
(10:23am)
I did.
(10:29am)
Was it what you were hoping for?
(10:47am)
It was.
(11:18am)
That’s great Eds
(11:18am)
I hope it all works out for you
(1:03pm)
When do you start the actual job
(2:21pm)
Wednesday.
***
Wed 13 Sept
(7:24am)
Incoming call – Buck
“Hey.”
“Hey. I’m glad I caught you. I just pulled up outside the station for my shift but I wanted to say good luck for your first day in your new job, whatever it may be. That’s not me pressuring you to tell me. You’ll tell me when you’re ready. I just, I really hope it goes well for you, Eds.”
“Thank you, Buck. I’m really glad you called. I was actually about to call you myself. I got to work stupidly early and I’m just sat waiting for the shift to start and I’m so nervous.”
“You have no need to be nervous, Eddie, you’re going to be amazing.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“I do. I was thinking, maybe we could have dinner tonight, after I get off shift, I don’t know what time you finish but I could pick you up.”
“…pick me up?”
“…ok. I have…a confession to make. I know you’re in LA, Eddie.”
“…I…I’m not—”
“I don’t know where, but I know you’re in Los Angeles.”
“…how?”
“Christopher. That day I called and he answered the phone. I promise I didn’t ask him to tell me. We were talking about him going surfing and beaches and our favourite places, and he just said that he likes LA so much better than El Paso—”
“Because he gets to see Abuela and Tia Pepa all the time. Yeah, he tells me that all the time. Buck, I…are you mad? That I never told you?”
“Honestly? No. I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad at myself.”
“Why?”
“I was mad at myself because I wasn’t mad at you. Because I understood. All of a sudden I got it, I understood why you never said anything, why you never told me where you were moving to. Because I talked to Christopher on the phone for all of two minutes and I knew, I knew, that I would do anything to protect him. I would walk through fire and flood to keep him safe, and if that’s how I felt after just a two minute conversation, God, Eddie, it all made sense. You wanted to succeed. You wanted something to go right for both of you, and you wanted to prove to your parents that you weren’t dragging him down with. You were hedging your bets in case it didn’t work. And that’s ok. So, no, I’m not mad at you for not telling me.”
“Why didn’t you say anything? That call was, what, three weeks ago. Why wait until now?”
“Because I hoped you’d tell me when you were ready. I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I want to meet you in person, so much, but I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready. Even if it’s just to meet a friend.”
“I have a confession, too. You know, my Abuela, she believes that everything comes down to fate, that the universe does what she wants and all of our paths through life has already been planned out for us from the moment we were born. I’m starting to think she may be right. I did choose LA because I knew that Shannon was here. But she wasn’t the only reason. I knew that you were here, too.”
“But what does fate have to do with it?”
“You remember the day I found out you were I firefighter?”
“Yeah?”
“I was a week away from starting training for my new job. With the LAFD.”
“…huh?”
“Buck, I applied to join the LAFD back in January, and I found out I was accepted in early April, weeks before I knew you were a firefighter.”
“Wait, hold on…sorry, I’m just heading into the station before I’m late for my shift. So…all this time, you’ve been training with the LAFD. To be a firefighter.”
“Fate.”
“Fate. Wait. You said…you said you found out where you’ll be working.”
“Yes.”
“You said it was what you were hoping for.”
“I did.”
“You said you start today.”
“Mhm.”
“Eddie. What’s your station number?”
“Why don’t you turn around? You can ask me in person."