Chapter Text
Obsession.
A much maligned emotion that most seek out to avoid both in experience and in reception. Regardless of the target of the emotion, it so rarely results in anything but corruption to the heart of the one consumed by it and at the very least discomfort towards the recipient.
Cale Henituse was all too aware of the dangers of obsession.
He’d been aware since he was a child. His father had been obsessed with his mother and while that had made him a loyal and loving partner, it had often resulted in a certain amount of neglect towards his son. And once his mother had passed, it had also resulted in his fathers initial inability to cope with the loss.
Cale had always despised the very concept of obsession being directed towards an individual. While he still found discomfort when people would grow obsessive towards objects or less corporeal concepts, he didn’t find it as distasteful as directing it towards a person.
He always liked to imagine himself being above falling into such a depraved pit.
Perhaps he took after his father more than he cared to admit.
Cale had avoided obsession in all aspects of his life. Never allowing himself to succumb to an interest for more than a temporary spell and usually numbing any such interest with an excessive dependence on alcohol.
Perhaps it was because he had spent nearly his entire life avoiding obsession and all of its pitfalls that he was so unprepared to cope with it.
He didn’t have any of the brakes that a normal person could apply to an obsession. He’d never learned how to handle becoming so irrevocably wrapped up in something. To find his every thought and feeling utterly consumed by the target of his obsession.
While his father, a man who was prone to his own occasionally obsessive behavior, was a person who had learned how to mediate and moderate those emotions, Cale had never learned those skills.
He was unable to cope. To breathe. To think.
There was only one thing that consumed his everything and worst of all, it was a person. A person who very likely hardly thought about him at all.
Cale thought about him. Constantly. Obsessively. His heart locked onto one particular individual as though it needed that person's presence in order to beat at all.
Cale wasn’t unaware of the danger his emotions posed. He wasn’t delusional. Only obsessed.
And that obsession made him unable to even seek help.
Should he admit to a friend or confidant about how he was feeling, they might do the rational thing and seek to separate him from the target of his emotions.
Cale would frankly rather die.
The idea of being unable to see his face was worse than death. Worse than any other fate. So consuming and absolute were his feelings that he couldn’t let go of them, even if he knew that he shouldn’t entertain them.
Kim Roksu, a waiter at a local restaurant that Cale had chanced into one day so many months ago, looked up from where he had been cleaning off a nearby table and caught Cale’s eye. He nodded politely and gave Cale a brief view of his professional I would like a nice tip smile that he gave to all of his customers.
Cale didn’t take offense.
He knew that Kim Roksu was currently busying around the restaurant, adorably ensuring that the entire place ran peacefully.
That was one of the cutest things about him.
Kim Roksu cared . He cared a lot. He was always angling for a higher tip, for a raise, for overtime pay, but he also sincerely cared about making his customers have a good experience. Ensuring that their food arrived at a reasonable time. Making sure the food suited their tastes. Making sure that they were okay.
Like when Cale had first stumbled into the restaurant. Drunk and destitute and miserable. A man that any waiter would look at and see a nuisance.
And the funny thing about Kim Roksu is he did see Cale as a nuisance. Cale had seen it in his eyes. He saw far too many eyes looking at him like that in his life not to know it when he spotted it. However, despite those feelings, there was also a very sincere compassion there.
Kim Roksu cared about people. More than anyone Cale had ever met.
It was what had first piqued his interest. A contradictory man who paradoxically cared about the well-being of even his most obnoxious or troublesome customers. Clearly stressed. Clearly tired. Clearly working himself to the bone each day. And he still cared .
It was strange to watch.
Cale found himself enraptured by it.
Kim Roksu always took the time to care about each customer, each individual, and his coworkers as well. When a fellow waiter looked as though they were struggling, he would step in and help them. Find the way to give them what they needed.
That was also the funny thing.
Kim Roksu had a knack for giving people what they needed. Not always what they wanted.
Cale needed Kim Roksu.
He wondered if that would result in the man giving himself to him.
No, he didn’t wonder, he fantasized.
It was deranged, he was well aware, but he didn’t care. Couldn’t care. He was feeding his obsession the best he could without interfering with Kim Roksu’s life but he knew it wasn’t enough.
He feared that it would never be enough.
With how his eyes roamed across Kim Roksu’s body and the ways that the lovable man proved himself again and again to be too precious for words, he knew that even if the day came where Kim Roksu offered himself up for Cale’s satisfaction, it wouldn’t be enough.
There was no satiating this obsession.
His greed roared freely in his heart and didn’t allow him any reprieve.
That wasn’t the real problem though. Cale understood his greed should never be satiated, never even have the attempt of doing so, but as days passed his greed was conflated with another growing emotion that threatened to make him lose all the control he had left.
Jealousy.
It wasn’t jealousy towards those that Kim Roksu treated the same as him. Cale knew they were all on the same level, as frustrating as that was, and so jealousy was meaningless.
But those who held any speciality in Kim Roksu’s heart.
Those people made him burn. He couldn’t put words to it. He’d never experienced a selfish desire quite like it. All he wanted was to hide Kim Roksu from the rest of the world and keep him all to himself.
It was maddening.
Cale had always known he was a stubborn and loyal person, he had a tendency to stick to those he loved closely and drag his feet in the ground to ensure their happiness.
He never imagined that he was capable of feeling so incredibly possessive though. All he wanted was to have this adorable and sweet man. All he wanted was to be the only person who managed to see Kim Roksu’s sincere smiles or his snarky attitude.
Cale sipped his coffee and closed his eyes, attempting to calm himself down. If he didn’t manage to get control over this soon, he might do something lamentable.
About the only thing keeping Cale from behaving impulsively was his stubborn self control. However, that same control felt chipped away day by day especially–
“More coffee?”
Why did his voice alone have to be so very enticing?
Cale swallowed thickly and opened his eyes. He placed his coffee down on the counter and fixed the waiter with a trashy look that betrayed none of his inner thoughts. “Took you long enough.” He said harshly.
It wasn’t just because he needed to maintain his persona as trash.
He wanted Kim Roksu to hate him.
Well, more accurately, he wanted Kim Roksu to be uncontrollably in love with and then to be able to do whatever he desired to the man that entertained his every fascination.
But he was trying as hard as he could to restrain those raging emotions and he knew that if Kim Roksu showed him any true favor or kindness. Any show of love or desire. Even the sweet little smile he reserved for his favorite customers.
If Kim Roksu gave him anything, Cale’s self control would snap in half.
So it was best if Kim Roksu hated him.
He couldn’t live without Kim Roksu in his life, couldn’t seek out help for his obsession, and didn’t want to be consumed by his own toxic desires.
About the only thing that allowed him to hold himself back was Kim Roksu.
For every temptation, for every agonized fantasy, Cale knew that what he wanted could hurt Kim Roksu. Steal his happiness. Steal his sweetness.
For all that obsession had overtaken his better nature, he still loved Kim Roksu for exactly who he was. He didn’t want to change that. Destroy that.
He just wanted him.
Wholly and completely.
Kim Roksu’s polite work smile was strained as he refilled the cup for Cale and Cale pretended to be annoyed, tapping his finger against the table impatiently and pretending that he wasn’t entranced by Kim Roksu’s hands.
He had the hands of a man who worked every day of his life.
Cale knew he worked hard. He showed up to this lousy restaurant every day in a beat up car, frequently did double shifts, never seemed to take a break or properly rest, and always had a keen eye for money as though he lived in the margins.
Sometimes in his fantasies, Cale liked to imagine taking Kim Roksu to a life of luxury. Buying him everything he could desire and spoiling him so that he never had to work another day in his life. The idea made him fill with warmth and sometimes he even felt deluded enough to think that Kim Roksu would want him to.
Reality always came for him though. Tearing away his hopes and replacing only the cruel facts of the matter.
Kim Roksu didn’t care for him at all. Didn’t know him at all. Cale was just an unruly regular customer that tipped well. There was no way of bridging the gap between them, no matter how Cale’s heart longed for more and his mind attempted to trick him into breaking down.
“Anything else for you today?” Kim Roksu asked and Cale nearly had to bite his tongue.
It was crass even for him to reply with something like ‘you’ to a service worker. He wanted to be hated but he didn’t want Kim Roksu to feel predated on. He didn’t want him to feel dehumanized in his job.
He just wanted him.
This was harder by the day.
Cale scoffed. “Nothing you could get me.” He replied bitingly.
Kim Roksu nodded and began to walk away, Cale taking in the welcome sight of his behind like the creep he had become and hated himself just a little bit for it.
Kim Roksu paused and turned around, returning to the table as though he’d just thought of something.
Cale tried very much to look like someone who hadn’t just been appreciating the waiter's butt.
“This is a bit out of nowhere, but could I ask you a favor?”
Cale’s mouth felt dry. Maybe he would ask for money? Kim Roksu wasn’t the sort to hit up his customers like this but he knew that Cale was wealthy and he clearly lived in the margins. Perhaps Kim Roksu was in trouble. Anger boiled up in his heart at the idea of anyone causing Kim Roksu even the slightest inconvenience. Wrath and worry and desire swirled in his stomach cruelly.
“What?” He asked, appearing for all the world like he was bothered by the request. It was harder than he thought. The worry made him want to comfort Kim Roksu. To assure him that everything would be okay and that he would protect him from anything.
He expected the request to be strange but he wasn’t prepared for it at all. He already intended to say yes to anything and everything that Kim Roksu might desire.
Nothing could quite prepare him for what Kim Roksu asked.
“Could you pretend to be my boyfriend?”