Archive of Our Own

Chu Wanning didn’t turn around to see the culprits of the sudden burst of noise. He didn’t need to look to know that it was those three. He kept his eyes trained on the window as the bus started moving again and faintly registered a fight for seats that was slowly turning into a shouting match ("I want to sit with Shi Mei!" "Well, too bad you were too slow!" "Not fair, yesterday you already--").

It was unnerving. Maybe there was a small flash of curiosity that tempted Chu Wanning to turn around and see what was happening, but his annoyance won over it and he sat perfectly still, staring at the passing trees and houses and wishing they got over with it soon.

He may be only seven, but he knew all about behaving properly and dignified already. And the importance of not disturbing others—Huaizui valued silence and order above almost anything else. Chu Wanning had learned quickly that he might get away with a medium grade or a messy room, but not with disrupting the house’s eerie and peaceful—borderline frightful—quietness.

Then, unexpectedly, someone sat on the empty spot beside him, and Chu Wanning couldn’t help glancing and blinking inquisitively at the boy he knew to be Mo Ran—with the shortest one always shouting Mo Ran this and Mo Ran that, it was impossible not to gather that much, even as he tried to mind his own business.

"Xuedi, my friends are being mean. Do you mind if I sit here?"

He smiled in a way Chu Wanning wasn’t sure he ever saw anyone smile in real life—not at him, at least. It felt… sunny, somehow. He smiled so hard that there was even a small deep dent on each of his cheeks.

Aware that he was staring a bit too long, Chu Wanning turned away, ears burning, and shrugged.

"I don’t own this seat," he mumbled.

"Oh, the six-year-old knows more about public space than certain people," the boy commented loudly.

He was not talking to Chu Wanning—as it was proved by the way the short boy, sitting a few seats from them, scoffed—, but it irked him enough that he informed, "I am seven."

"Oh?" The older boy looked at him again and tilted his head. "You’re rather tiny, aren’t you?"

Chu Wanning gave a small gasp and glared before turning away for good this time.

He had never felt so aggrieved before, really. It was not that he wasn’t used to other kids picking on him now and then—he had always been a weird and scrawny kid, so it was not uncommon that kids were mean to him sometimes. It was like that even back in the orphanage. But this now wasn’t said intending to hurt, at least Chu Wanning didn’t think so. The boy sounded amused and Chu Wanning found himself not upset, but purely annoyed.

"Wahh, you’re going to ignore me?"

Chu Wanning kept resolutely looking away.

There was a loud snicker and the other loud boy shouted, "not even the kid can stand you, Mo Ran!" And Mo Ran busied himself shouting back and forth with his friend until the end of the ride. When the bus stopped, Chu Wanning slipped away firmly holding his backpack.

Later, when it was time to go back home, he made sure to get on the bus only after the trio was already settled in and distracted with each other, avoiding eye contact entirely.

Just like every other morning, the trio got on the bus doing just as much noise as ever.

"Mo Ran, where are you going?!" The short boy cried in that high-pitched voice of his.

"Good morning, xuedi!" someone said right by his side and Chu Wanning was startled with a small jump.

Mo Ran sat in the same place he did yesterday, with that disconcerting smile plastered on his face. Chu Wanning blinked, surprised, and only belatedly realized that he didn’t answer. He turned away, feeling the heat creeping into his face, and fumbled with the hem of his uniform. He was bad at this—socializing. It felt like he was either too quick or too slow, but never quite on the same tempo as everyone else.

"Eh, won’t you talk to me because you’re shy?"

"Not shy," he mumbled, small fingers clenching on the fabric of his blouse.

"It’s ok to be shy, though," the boy mused. "You see my friend Shi Mei? The pretty one, not that annoying brat," he whispered as he pointed to the two other boys. Chu Wanning peeked, staring back down at his hands when the long-haired boy looked back at them. Mo Ran continued, "he is shy, but he’s cool."

"Hm."

"I’m Mo Ran, by the way."

"I know," Chu Wanning said before he could catch himself. Mo Ran’s grin grew, with those deep marks on his cheeks. "Of course I know! The shortie is always shouting it!" Chu Wanning was quick to defend himself. For some reason, it was so embarrassing that the older boy thought that Chu Wanning paid him any attention.

Mo Ran’s eyes squinted into crescents and he nodded.

"That one is Mengmeng, but you don’t have to mind him."

Chu Wanning doubted he needed to mind any of them, honestly.

"So, what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Your name, xuedi."

"… I was told not to give personnel information to strangers."

"A name isn’t personal information. And I’m not a stranger, I’m your xuezhang!"

"It is very personal," he said, getting up just as the bus stopped and jumping over Mo Ran’s legs. "Bye, qianbei."

"Ah, xuedi, so formal!"

Mo Ran’s gasp and complaining were quickly drowned by the wave of people getting in line to get off the bus.

"Personal," Chu Wanning quietly repeated to himself. "Personal."

On the way back, he waited, just like yesterday. This time, though, Mo Ran waved at him as he passed by them. Chu Wanning blushed and hurried to the back of the bus.

It went on. Mo Ran sat by Chu Wanning’s side the next day, and, on the day after, Shi Mei and Xue Meng—not Mengmeng, as Chu Wanning learned after a tantrum—started sitting on the seats in front of Chu Wanning's—and now Mo Ran’s—usual spot.

"Stop pestering the kid, A-Ran," Shi Mei said, glancing back at them.

Xue Meng, kneeling on his seat so he could face them, nodded. "Yeah, you can be so annoying, Mo Ran. Little xuedi must be tired of you!"

Chu Wanning would have liked to state that he was growing tired of all of them and the way they moved their noisy bubble right next to him, even if that wasn't entirely true.

Mo Ran only laughed off his friends' remarks. "Nah, I’m cool! Xuedi likes me."

Xue Meng scoffed. "Likes you so much he doesn’t even want to tell you his name!"

"That’s just because xuedi has a very wrong idea about what stranger danger means."

He didn’t, in fact. He was perfectly aware that Mo Ran, being his senior in school, didn’t go by the "don’t talk to strangers" rule. There was nothing that Huaizui taught that forbade him from sharing this much information. However… he was, surprisingly, having some fun with all this.

Mo Ran did his best to pester Chu Wanning every day, stealing bits of information every time—that he was in second grade, was new to the school, and used to live in Linyi—, while Chu Wanning held his mouth shut about his name. There was a tiny part of him that wondered if the moment he found out Chu Wanning’s name the game would be over and things would go back to normal.

And, as troublesome as the trio was, he quite enjoyed the company. A little.

"Chu Wanning," the teacher called when the bell rang to announce lunch break. He paused midway to get his book in his backpack and looked at her. She smiled, friendly, but he could tell from her look alone that he did something wrong. "Will you spend the break reading again?"

"I like reading," he answered defensively.

"Mn, and that’s good. But you should play with your friends too at least sometimes." She noticed his hesitation and patted his head reassuringly, adding, "I know it’s scary going to a new school and not knowing anyone, but I’m sure your classmates are eager to get to be your friends too."

He wasn’t the least convinced about that, but there was nothing he could do when his teacher ushered him out of the classroom, with a firm, unwavering smile. He could protest, Chu Wanning guessed, but that would probably result in Huaizui being called and he wasn’t interested in finding out what that would entail.

With a sense of vindication, Chu Wanning was proven right when he tried to approach a group of kids playing with a ball that he recognized as his classmates. But as he tried to join them, the kids left, giggling between themselves and whispering as they didn’t even try to hide that they were looking at him. He was left standing alone, feeling embarrassed and out of place, and blinking back tears.

He couldn’t go back into the classroom. He couldn’t find anyone to play with. Chu Wanning gave a little sigh and searched for someplace where his teacher wouldn’t find him and he could wait until the break was over.

The thing was, Chu Wanning was used to not being liked. He was mean and boring, the kids at the orphanage used to say. He had hoped that coming to a new city and school meant that he would be able to make friends—people that had yet to know how awkward he was, and maybe, if he behaved very well, would like him. But alas that was not what happened. At least no one pushed him here, unlike in his old school. And the alone time during recess meant he was getting ahead of all the extra reading Huaizui assigned him for after-school hours, and that had pleased his guardian.

But he still felt a little sad.

"--edi, xuedi!"

He looked up to find Mo Ran, with that big smile that always seemed to be on his face, running to him.

Chu Wanning furrowed his eyebrows and waited. Mo Ran stopped in front of him, panting, and said, "hey, what are you doing, hiding up here? Where are your friends?"

… Chu Wanning felt his eyes wet and blinked rapidly, tightening his mouth.

Mo Ran’s eyes widened and he raised his hands, "ah, ah, ah! I mean-- I never see you around during lunch break! Why don’t you join me and the boys?"

"Why do you keep talking to me?" He burst, closing his small fists.

Mo Ran scratched the back of his neck and shrugged. "Hum, you’re cute and I wanted to be friends? Is it weird because you’re a kid? Shit, it is, right-- Ah, fuck--! I mean! Look, you did not hear me say those words, ok?"

He blinked and… giggled. Mo Ran laughed a little too, and when he motioned for Chu Wanning to follow him, he did, willing his eyes away from Mo Ran's face and the way his smile looked all the more genuine with those—dimples, he’d learned.

Chu Wanning had stood in front of his bathroom mirror when Huaizui was away and smiled until his cheeks hurt, with the most intensity he could manage, in a way he didn’t think he ever smiled before, no. No matter how hard he tried, he could not mimic those two deep slits Mo Ran would always proudly display on his cheeks. He forced himself to ask his teacher the next day and she helpfully explained what those were: dimples. A quality some people naturally had to their smiles.

It meant Mo Ran’s smiles were special, then.

He spied Mo Ran’s face again and averted his eyes. They were kinda cute, he supposed. The dimples. Chu Wanning wished he had a smile like that, that looked friendly and welcoming even when Mo Ran was being a meanie. It would make the job of making friends easier, he thought. Even if his personality was not the best, Chu Wanning thought that maybe if he had a smile like that he could make people like him a little bit.

"Look who I found!" Mo Ran announced, as he pulled up Chu Wanning and put him on the bench, between Xue Meng and himself.

"As if we didn’t see you run up after xuedi," Xue Meng said, unimpressed, speaking with his mouth full of food. Chu Wanning made a face.

Shi Mei greeted him with a small smile and Chu Wanning nodded.

"Xuedi, where is your lunch?" Mo Ran asked, ignoring Xue Meng.

"… I forgot to bring it."

"You can’t skip lunch like that!" Mo Ran's voice pulled him back from his thoughts. "Here, take some of mine."

"I won’t eat food from strangers," he replied, but sincerely it was just because looking at all the red spice on Mo Ran's lunch was making him sick already.

"You see me all the time and you know my name, I am not a stranger!"

"What kind of logic is that?!" Xue Meng shouted, poking at Mo Ran. "Then if a kidnapper stalks a kid and introduces himself they’re supposed to trust him because he told them their name?"

"But I am not? A kidnapper? I’m his xuezhang--"

"Same difference!"

"Same difference?!"

"Here," Shi Mei said, handing Chu Wanning a container of food, and acting as if Xue Meng and Mo Ran weren’t still arguing loudly just over Chu Wanning’s head. "I'm not hungry anymore. Mo Ran’s food is too spicy for kids. Mine is mild. Try it."

Chu Wanning accepted it because the smell of food was making his stomach ache, and he would be too ashamed if his belly made any loud noises. The fish was a little spicier than how Chu Wanning preferred it, but he was hungry enough that he enjoyed it.

Mo Ran stopped fighting with Xue Meng to gape at him. "First you won’t tell me your name, and now you choose Shi Mei’s food over mine! Xuedi, I am so hurt," he cried.

Chu Wanning munched on a piece of fish and wondered how silly could Mo Ran be. He swallowed.

"My name is… mnn… Xia Sini."

"… Heh, xuedi, don't lie."

Hm. Maybe he wouldn't fall for it, after all.

Even so, Chu Wanning frowned and did his best impression of a pout. "What’s wrong with my name?"

Mo Ran faltered, "… There's no way I’ll believe anyone named their kid that."

Chu Wanning blinked quickly, trying to summon back the remaining tears from earlier. "You think my name sounds bad?"

Whatever face Chu Wanning made, it must have worked because Mo Ran dropped his grin immediately. "A-aiya, I was just kidding! Xia Sini is a great name. Very pretty!"

Chu Wanning hummed and took a bite of rice to hide his smile.

Mo Ran could be very silly indeed. He almost felt guilty.

Xue Meng, ever so slow, scrunched his nose and said, "but what is wrong with Xia Sini?"

"There’s nothing wrong with Xia Sini, didn’t you just hear me?" Mo Ran snarled, sending another worried look in Chu Wanning’s direction. He tried to kick Xue Meng, who in turn squealed and kicked him back, making Chu Wanning spill some of his food all over the table, while Shi Mei discreetly rolled his eyes.

The boys got off at their usual stop—Xue Meng waved at him until the bus turned the corner and Chu Wanning couldn’t see him anymore.

They sat together on the bus every day now, on the way to and back from school. Chu Wanning had learned to search for them instead of pretending he didn’t know the trio when he got on the bus at school, and Mo Ran always let him sit on the window side. It was nice. They spent the breaks together most days too.

Chu Wanning couldn’t really understand why they did it. Pass time with him, that is. Xue Meng, Mo Ran, and Shi Mei were almost grown-ups—they were in the 9th grade!—so what they gained from befriending a little kid was beyond Chu Wanning’s imagination. He enjoyed it though, and hoped Mo Ran’s whim would last a little longer.

He got home to an empty house and rushed to do his homework. If Huaizui found him practicing with the guqin when he got back from work, he would be pleased. Chu Wanning liked it when Huaizui was happy with him—he patted his head and gave him candy, and their big, quiet house felt more like home.

❀ ❀ ❀

"I think it's all good. If you keep going like this you'll be way ahead of schedule." Ye-laoshi smiles before her face turns serious. "Now, about my maternity leave…"

That is a worry that's been gnawing at Chu Wanning, growing alongside his professor's belly. It's not that he is that selfish to think his thesis is more important than his teacher's pregnancy, for god's sake, but he can't help dreading being lost once she's gone.

"I'm still your advisor, this won't change. I won't make you work with someone else regarding your research. As I said, I think we're good and made a lot of progress, and besides, you don't need close supervision all the time. We can keep in touch while I'm away, with phone calls, or e-mail, or whatever you prefer. And then when I get back after those five months, we can pick up from where we stopped. Your final paper isn't due until next year, so this should work fine. What do you think?"

Chu Wanning gives a relieved sigh and nods, releasing the tension he had been holding. "Sounds good."

He feared having to work with another professor—having to explain all his thinking processes, adapting to someone else's work methods, taking criticism… Ye-laoshi had been the one blessing in his graduation, too understanding and trusting. Working with anyone else on this was bound to be a nightmare at the very least.

"Great. As for my undergraduate classes, I'm afraid you will have to work with the substitute, I'm sorry."

"That's no problem."

Truthfully, it isn't. Troublesome, yes, but no more than a nuisance. He is only a T.A., after all—he doesn't mind the loss of autonomy he may have in that.

"The dean hasn't made an official announcement yet, so I can't promise anything, but I think it's an old classmate of mine who is going to take over my place. If it's him you should have no problem. I think you'll get along well."

Chu Wanning doesn't bother to tell her that, no, they probably won't. Not many people get him, and least of all like him—no teacher ever liked him the way Ye-laoshi does. So he doesn't set his expectations high in that regard. He doesn't mind being disliked if the person is competent enough to do their job.

At the age of 23, Chu Wanning has already made peace with the fact that he is not fit for personal relationships outside the professional scope, and even those were troubled. He went through his school years alone, and the same thing repeated in college. Ye Wangxi had been… a breath of fresh air in the final years, and now a constant during his master’s degree—for whatever reason, the professor took a liking to him and didn’t mind his terrible personality, and Chu Wanning rather enjoyed her.

So when he comes home to an empty house—no family either, for many years now—, it doesn’t bother him anymore. Or rather, it doesn’t make much of a difference whether to be bothered or not. That’s how his life is. Too standoffish and harsh for everyone's tastes.

He locks the door of his small studio apartment, takes off his shoes, bags, and coat, and heads straight up to his bed.

Chu Wanning stares at the ceiling.

It’s fine. He is used to being alone.

❀ ❀ ❀

Winter break arrived soon enough—school was not a dreaded affair anymore, but instead something he looked up to after every weekend. So, as it happened when one was having fun, time flew.

However, even though he did find more joy in the act of studying than his peers, Chu Wanning was still a kid. The prospect of an entire month without waking up early and being allowed to stay in the comfort of his warm bed during some of the winter was exciting. And he had so many things to do with his free time! Huaizui took him to the library and Chu Wanning gathered a tall pile of books all of his own choice to read. And besides that, Huaizui let him play with the broken VCR and old VHS tapes, even giving him a toolbox so he could disassemble and assemble everything to his heart's content.

Huaizui didn't seem to have any other family or close friends, so New Year's celebrations were restricted to both of them alone. It wasn't as lonely as Chu Wanning had expected, and it was perhaps the first thing that really made them feel closer to what a real family must be like—even if their interactions were as stilted and awkward as always. He tried to help with the house cleaning, but Huaizui had only sighed, directed him to his room, and asked him to do something about it then—which, well, fair enough, his mess was visibly getting out of hand, even if his guardian hadn't known he couldn't open one of his wardrobe's doors without having all its contents spilled over him.

So Chu Wanning cleaned and tidied up his room to perfection, and when New Year came, they ate jiaozi together, Huaizui got him some extra sweet nian gao and gifted him a hongbao with more money than Chu Wanning ever held at once.

Despite how nice things had been, it would be a lie to say he didn't miss his… friends. Could they be called friends? Well, Mo Ran and Xue Meng were friendly, and Shi Mei… too. Even if more formal than the others. And they did spend lots of time together—not counting Huaizui and his teacher, they were probably the people he most interacted with. Maybe even counting them.

In the end, he was already growing tired of spending the days at home and waited excitedly for classes to start again.

Nonetheless, on the first day back at school, Chu Wanning couldn’t be more dejected. Skipping class was not an option, though; he didn’t dare to ask such a thing to Huaizui.

Resigned, he fidgeted at the bus stop. Once the bus arrived, he picked a seat way in the back, many rows behind the one he usually sat, and sank down, hoping he would go unnoticed. It was to no avail. Mo Ran might not have been as tall as Shi Mei, but he was still tall. He stepped onto the bus, scanned the seats, and immediately found Chu Wanning, grinning and walking toward him.

Chu Wanning shut his lips tightly and turned to face the window, gluing his nose to the glass. He refused to turn or answer when Mo Ran greeted him and proclaimed how much he missed his little xuedi in the holidays. Chu Wanning didn’t cave in even when Mo Ran bemoaned about how it hurt to be ignored by his favorite xuedi.

Then--

Two fingers poked at his sides until Chu Wanning was squirming and laughing.

"Oh, you lost a tooth! Is that why you’re embarrassed?"

Chu Wanning immediately covered his mouth with his hands.

"I’m not embarrassed," he retorted, from under his hands.

"Of course, little xuedi is not embarrassed by it," Shi Mei said, peeking at them. "That would be silly."

Mo Ran agreed, "Yeah, losing your teeth means you’re getting older. It’s cool."

"It looks a bit stupid though," Xue Meng remarked, only to have Mo Ran smacking his head.

The conversation was cut short by their arrival at school, but of course, once Chu Wanning stepped outside his classroom during break time, Mo Ran pulled him to the table where Xue Meng and Shi Mei were already sitting and urged him to show them the gap between his teeth.

Encouraged, Chu Wanning said, "this one is almost falling too," and pressed his tongue forward, pushing his other frontal tooth almost all the way up.

"It's barely hanging there. We could tie it to a door handle and slam the door. You wouldn't even feel it being pulled out!" Mo Ran clapped his hands as if he had a great idea. Chu Wanning stopped playing with his tooth to stare at him in horror.

"That's too messy. And it's so loose, there's no need for it. I bet I could just twist and pull it," Shi Mei mused.

"…"

Chu Wanning held the small sweet bun Huaizui bought for him close to his chest and scooted his chair a little farther away from them.

It was a little scary that the most heated he ever saw Shi Mei—quiet, lukewarm, nice, and inoffensive Shi Mei—was in an argument with Mo Ran about pulling teeth. When the boy mentioned pliers, Chu Wanning was already all the way glued to Xue Meng's side.

"What did you do with your other tooth?" Xue Meng asked.

Shi Mei and Mo Ran still debated the better method to pull Chu Wanning's tooth. (The answer was none! There was no way they were getting anywhere near Chu Wanning's mouth, and no bribery in the world could change that, thank you very much!)

The little boy tilted his head. "I threw it away? In the bathroom trash can."

"Ah, you can't do that!"

"Xuedi, you can't!" Mo Ran parroted in equal horror, quitting his argument about the benefits of a painless and messy extraction versus Shi Mei's slower, albeit cleaner one—"Mo Ran do you have any idea how troublesome it is to clean blood from white fabric?" (The answer was still none of them! And the talk about blood stains was low-key frightening!)

"What? Why?"

"You have to throw it over the roof!"

"… Why?"

"For good luck! So your new teeth grow up straight," Xue Meng explained.

Chu Wanning wasn't the least convinced but Mo Ran nodded sagely.

"You must throw your upper teeth over the roof and your lower teeth under your house."

"What? No, it's the contrary," Shi Mei interjected.

"You're both wrong. What is it about under the house? You throw all of your teeth over the roof."

Chu Wanning watched the three boys argue, and their seriousness started to make him worry a little. Did he really have to do such a thing? It seemed silly. And Huaizui would have told him if that was the case.

On the other hand, they were all so earnest about it. It didn't look like a prank. At least, Chu Wanning was sure that Xue Meng wouldn't be in on it if it was just a prank…

Still musing about it, he took a bite of his dessert, taking delight in the sugar—it was not that Huaizui didn't let him eat many sweets, the problem resided entirely on Chu Wanning, who never seemed to get enough of it no matter how much he ate. But then his enjoyment was cut short by a metallic and salty taste. Blood? Probably from his gums, still sensitive. He must've hurt it while chewing. His tongue pushed against the empty spot, indeed tasting the blood. However, didn't it feel a little larger now--?

Chu Wanning gasped, "I ate it!"

The trio paused their fight to look at him.

"What?" It was Shi Mei who asked. "Your bun?"

"I ate my tooth!" He opened his mouth to show them. "See?"

They stared at him in silence until Mo Ran cursed, "damn, your teeth will grow all crooked."

Chu Wanning blinked, still tasting the blood on his tongue.

And.

He started bawling--

It took a lot of reassurance from his teacher, Huaizui, and a trip to the dentist a couple of months later when his new teeth began to appear on his gums, for him to finally believe that there was nothing wrong with his new teeth.

Huaizui had lectured him on not believing everything the other kids said and gave him a whole lesson on superstitions versus actual science, which he later repeated to the older boys. They looked chastised enough when Chu Wanning finished, and he couldn’t help feeling very pleased with himself.

He was still friends with them, though. Huaizui didn’t forbid him of that, only made sure he understood that he couldn’t be so easily impressed. Chu Wanning took that to his heart. He was already pretty good at being unimpressed, in his opinion, keeping a serious and unfazed face even as Xue Meng called him to see a new trick and gave Mo Ran a somersault kick—which, unsurprisingly, ended in a brawl that landed both of them in the principal’s office.

And well, Mo Ran would often resort to tickling him when he thought Chu Wanning was being too serious, but he thought he was doing a great job overall.

Shi Mei was still a mystery. It was not that he was anything but polite and kind, but he still felt distant. Chu Wanning had the impression that the other boy didn't like him very much.

Mo Ran had told him that Shi Mei was shy but, sincerely, Chu Wanning wasn't so sure. He didn't look shy. Sure, he giggled and covered his mouth in what looked like embarrassment every time Mo Ran sang him praises, but, well. He'd never seen Shi Mei blush, or get flustered at all.

Chu Wanning was shy—he could admit that just fine to the privacy of his mind—and he stumbled over his words and flushed red at any minor embarrassment. Shi Mei didn't look like someone who was holding back from joining the conversation because he was timid. In fact, he looked mildly annoyed most of the time. If anyone asked Chu Wanning to describe him, he'd say quiet instead of shy. Those were different things.

He didn't dwell on it too hard though. Maybe Shi Mei just didn't like kids very much. It didn't bother him if Shi Mei wasn't super enthusiastic about his company—it was the expected reaction of an older classmate having to look after a small kid. All in all, it only proved his theory that Mo Ran and Xue Meng were the weird ones.

"Did your mom forget to pack your lunch again?" Xue Meng asked, critically, while Mo Ran gave Chu Wanning a bite of his lunch—bland fried rice. He had taken to bringing only non-spicy dishes lately, for some reason.

Huaizui had not packed it. Again. And then Chu Wanning didn't bother to do it either.

The thing with Huaizui was that he wasn't bad, and Chu Wanning quite liked him. But if he was being honest, sometimes the man didn’t seem to remember Chu Wanning’s existence at all. He had even forgotten Chu Wanning’s name on occasion.

Or maybe it was just that he didn't think he needed to tend to every little thing concerning Chu Wanning. Lunch was one of those things. There was always food at home, of course, and Huaizui left money for emergencies when he was not around, but, ah, Chu Wanning didn’t like dealing with food at all, and he liked to deal with strangers even less. He would rather miss a few lunches now and then than venture into the kitchen or, worst of all, have to buy something in the cafeteria. What if he couldn't decide what he wanted to buy on time? What if he didn't speak loud enough to be heard? There were too many variables. He would rather go without eating lunch for a day or two.

"Mnn, don’t have a mom," Chu Wanning replied without much thought, swallowing the food and shaking his head when Mo Ran tried to shove another piece in his mouth. He was full already!

"Your dad, then?"

"Huaizui is not my dad," he said, frowning slightly. Something about that made him pause and his frown deepened. "He adopted me, but that doesn’t mean-- That doesn’t make him--"

The distinction was important. Even if it made him feel all complicated and anguished, he had to make it clear—if to Xue Meng or himself, he didn’t know.

"Ouch! Mo Ran, why did you hit me?" Xue Meng screamed at the same time Mo Ran got up and scooped Chu Wanning with a hand, putting him sitting on top of his shoulders, his legs hanging on each side of his neck.

"Xuedi and I will go for a walk."

Chu Wanning yelped helplessly, feeling Mo Ran hold his ankles firmly as he began to walk. He closed his eyes, hugged Mo Ran’s neck, and hid his face in his hair.

"Mo Ran put me down!"

It was too high-- Mo Ran was too tall, and--

"Why?"

"I will fall!"

"I won’t let you fall," Mo Ran promised, cheerfully, and Chu Wanning could only shake his head and keep his eyes closed. "Heh, I always wanted someone to do this to me when I was a kid. Isn’t it fun, Xia Sini?"

The honest answer was no. He was still terrified and sure that he would fall and get hurt. But Mo Ran sounded happy and Chu Wanning suddenly didn’t want to let him down. He only hummed in response and gathered the courage to raise his head slowly—while keeping his hands firmly around Mo Ran’s neck.

"So," Mo Ran started, conversationally, "Huaizui is the one who takes care of you, right?"

"He isn’t bad," Chu Wanning defended quickly. "He’s just very busy." And living under the assumption that Chu Wanning had been making use of the pantry.

Mo Ran nodded.

"It takes some time to adjust. Has it been long since he adopted you?"

"Just a little before the school year."

They strolled through the garden. Slowly, Chu Wanning felt himself relax. Perhaps Mo Ran wouldn’t drop him after all.

"Did you know that Xue Meng’s parents adopted me?"

"How would I know that," Chu Wanning mumbled. "I thought you were cousins."

"Kinda. It’s been around two years now, and we’re family, but they aren’t my parents. I call them uncle and aunt. And that makes Mengmeng my little cousin, heh."

Glad that he wasn’t facing Mo Ran, he asked, very quietly, "… Your parents didn’t want you either?"

"My mom was amazing, but she died when I was your age. Uh, I mean, she became a star and all that."

"I know what dying means."

He wished he knew what else to say, what words he could offer to provide some comfort. But he couldn’t simply overcome that ineptitude. Chu Wanning conformed by holding Mo Ran a little bit tighter again, defeat heavy on his shoulders.

It was not like Mo Ran needed his failed attempts at comforting, anyway.

"Xuedi is so smart, sorry, of course, you know. But I suppose my father didn’t want me, yeah," Mo Ran chuckled and came to a stop, pulling Chu Wanning down.

It was strange-- no, completely inconceivable the notion that someone would not want Mo Ran. He wanted to tell him as much, but, again, the words died in his throat.

Mo Ran knelt before him, so they were at eye level, and pinched his cheek.

"What is this talk about your parents not wanting you? Who wouldn’t want to take care of such an adorable and smart kid, hm? I think they just couldn’t take care of you, like my mom. And besides, didn’t Huaizui choose you? Of course you’re wanted, xuedi."

That was not true. He was used to being an unwanted kid. There had been plenty of people who didn’t want him all his life. Not even Huaizui seemed to want him very much most of the time—and Chu Wanning feared in his heart that they would never be like Mo Ran and his uncle and aunt, no matter how much he hoped for it.

But he couldn’t voice any of it, with his throat insisting on tightening for some reason.

"So no crying, ok?"

"Who’s crying?" He snapped back, only to realize, when his voice loudly cracked, that, oh god, he was almost crying.

"There, there. So cute," Mo Ran cooed until Chu Wanning batted his hands and his aggressive head patting away. "Hehe, you're the most, most adorable, xuedi!"

Mo Ran's laughter increased as he kept trying to pat Chu Wanning's head, and the latter dodged any of his attempts.

Chu Wanning felt his lips slowly curl up too.

Mo Ran probably knew what he was talking about. Chu Wanning should trust him that things would get better eventually.

❀ ❀ ❀

No matter what he tells himself, Chu Wanning is forced to admit that perhaps he had been more lonely than he cared to admit. He certainly had not been in his right mind when he made this decision.

The fact is that he woke up one day, overwhelmed by—well, yeah, loneliness and memories that echoed too loudly in his ever-silent apartment, which prompted him to jump out of his bed and grab his phone.

He made a call to the nearest shelter, filled in all the forms they sent to his e-mail, and scheduled a meeting. And now he stood behind a sweet, helpful young girl, in a room full of dogs, because he’d been too embarrassed to call again to unbook the appointment when he inevitably regretted it. He can barely take care of himself, why did he think it would be a good idea to get a dog?

And there are so many dogs! How is he supposed to choose?

The girl is kind and doesn't rush him while he takes his time, and offers some insight when his eyes rest too long on one of the dogs. Chu Wanning is acutely aware of how long he is taking, and how annoying his indecision must be.

This is by far more overwhelming than any of the feelings that brought him here in the first place. He should apologize and leave before he makes a bigger fool of himself.

A low whine catches his attention, and Chu Wanning turns around to find a medium, yellow dog looking at him. The dog whines again, giving a small huff when Chu Wanning kneels before him.

"That one is Goutou," the girl informs. "He is… quite a handful, Mr. Chu."

The dog barks and carefully sniffs Chu Wanning’s extended hand. He considers the man for a moment, and then generously licks his fingers, wagging his tail.

"Aw, he likes you."

"Why is he a handful?"

"Hm, he is a sweetheart, but too energetic. And with lots of bad habits ingrained in him. We tried to set him up with families with kids, to deal with his excess energy but he’s really bad with them." The girl sighs. "Too many years living in the streets, I heard. He’s wary of people shouting and running around him. But if you don’t walk and play with him enough, he will take it on your furniture."

The dog stares at him with his big, round brown eyes, tail wagging incessantly.

Chu Wanning will deny it vehemently to anyone who asks, but deep down—not even that deep, if we're being truthful—he is a softie.

And that’s how he finds himself back at home, two hours later, with a dog and four shopping bags from the nearest pet shop. He may have gone overboard with it, but he never really buys anything for himself, so he welcomed the excuse for a shopping spree. He gets a colorful leash, cute bowls, the healthiest (and most affordable) dog food, treats, chew toys, and a dog bed that looks softer than his own.

Suffice it to say, his bank account suffered a considerable blow.

Goutou barks excitedly and runs around the whole apartment, sniffing every surface while Chu Wanning sets his food and water.

Goutou is… very lively. After his round on the house, he runs straight to the couch and jumps on it without hesitation. Chu Wanning's first instinct is to yell at him—that's who he is, stern and quick to scold people. And then he watches in horror as Goutou, with those brilliant eyes and incessant tail wagging, jumps down, curling himself under the table, and gives him a betrayed look. Chu Wanning is used to regretting his outbursts almost immediately, but he never tasted such potent remorse. He jumps into action without a second thought, pulls Goutou back to the couch, and soothes him until the dog is barking and licking his face.

He does draw the line at having a smelly couch though and drags Goutou to the shower. He is successful, even if Goutou wriggles and shakes until Chu Wanning is equally drenched in water. Using the hairdryer proves to be an easier task: Goutou snuggles on his lap while Chu Wanning brushes and dries his short fur.

Needless to say that, once night comes, the dog bed remains abandoned and Goutou sleeps on his owner’s very own human bed.

❀ ❀ ❀

"Did you know," Chu Wanning started as he played with his soup, "that there's a thing called bog bodies?"

"Hm?"

"Corpses that are left in bogs. Bog bodies. They go through a natural muni-- mummini-- They become mummies."

Huaizui paused, raising his eyes from his plate, and frowned. "Did they teach you that in school?"

"No, Shi Mei was talking about it today. It's because of the acidity." He crushed the potatoes with his spoon. "So the skin doesn't rot and turn to mush."

A couple of seconds passed in silence while Chu Wanning loudly squashed more of the vegetables he didn't want to eat, until the man finally said, "how about you make some new friends?"

And trying to make friends he did. Reluctantly, yes, but he didn't want to disappoint Huaizui.

Over one year after being transferred to this school, Chu Wanning could say that he had a good relationship with his classmates. Sort of. Mostly he minded his business, but no one outright excluded or mocked him anymore when he was forced to mingle. Part of it was simply because he was not a novelty anymore, and the other kids got used to his awkward demeanor bit by bit. However, Chu Wanning suspected that the fact that he was often seen hanging out with the older, cooler kids—as farfetched as it felt calling Mo Ran and Xue Meng "cool"—had more influence on it than any of his attempts.

Yet he couldn't really say he was friends with any of them.

"A-Ning," Luo Xianxian called him after the class finished, turning around in her chair and crossing her arms over his desk. He didn't like the way all his classmates called each other, overly familiar and intimate, but perhaps that was only because he didn't feel significantly close to them. He liked Luo Xianxian well enough though. She was nice and funny, and thus he didn't feel his skin crawl like when others called him A-Ning or, worst of all, Ningning—he understood each one of Xue Meng’s protests now, and vowed to never call him by the silly nickname Mo Ran insisted on using over and over.

"What?"

"It's my birthday on the weekend. My brother is visiting and he will bring a cake, and dad let me make a birthday party on Saturday. Do you wanna come? Everyone will be there." She put a small invite, adorned with little drawings of princesses, with the party's information written in Xianxian's messy, round writing.

"Oh." He'd never been invited to any birthday parties before. Had been in a few, yes, since technically every kid in the orphanage was invited to every birthday party there, but those were different. There weren't any guests or gifts or anything aside from a small homemade cake. And, again, no one ever requested his presence specifically.

He nodded, cradling the card close to his chest, and felt his ears burn. Luo Xianxian grinned in response.

"What should I give as a birthday gift to my classmate?" He asked once he was sitting on the bus. Xue Meng sat with Shi Mei, on the seats in front of them, and turned around so he could face them, as usual.

"A book," Shi Mei answered, not raising his eyes from his own book.

"I don't think Luo Xianxian likes to read very much."

"What does she like?" Xue Meng asked.

"Hmm… green, and ribbons and cute things like princesses and animals."

"Give her a plushie! Girls like that stuff," Mo Ran suggested.

"Are you crazy? Plushies are, like, romantic gifts or whatever. You want xuedi's classmates to think he is dating his classmate?"

Chu Wanning's mouth parted in an "o", and he shook his head, agreeing with Xue Meng.

"They're 6, what do they know about dating?" Mo Ran laughed. "What do you know about dating?"

"I'm 8," Chu Wanning interjected.

"Didn't you 'date' that girl when we were in second grade?" Shi Mei asked.

"I did not date her, we just-- held hands and spent lunch together for two weeks--"

Xue Meng shouted, "that's what dating as a 6-year-old--"

"8."

"--means, you dumbass! Not sucking face like you do with Rong Jiu--"

"Shut the fuck up, Xue Meng--"

"You're not helping!" Chu Wanning finally screamed. It was probably the louder he'd been in a long while. He was annoyed—by being talked over, by their bickering, and, maybe above it all, by Mo Ran's indecency, which he'd rather not hear anything about. "Either help me or-- s-shut up," he mumbled the last word, but kept glaring resolutely at them.

"You shouldn't tell others to shut up," Mo Ran said dumbly, as if he hadn't said shut up and the f-word just a second ago.

Xue Meng kneeled back and crossed his arms. "Just get her some hair accessories or some glitter gel pens. She will like it."

"Hm."

That sounded like a good choice of gift. He hadn't expected Xue Meng to be the most helpful one in this matter.

"Hey, when is your birthday?" Mo Ran asked after a beat.

Chu Wanning glared at him. He was still annoyed at the thought of Mo Ran kissing—sucking face, Xue Meng had said—other people. So shameless!

"… It was on August 9th."

A gasp. "Ah, we missed it already! Why didn’t you tell us?"

He frowned. "Why would I? We were on summer break anyway."

Besides, it wasn’t a day much different from any other. He hadn't asked for a birthday party and Huaizui hadn't offered either, only giving him an envelope with money and a few sweet treats after dinner. It was not like he had anyone to invite over anyway.

Though, now that Luo Xianxian had invited him to her party, maybe that meant he could call her next time…?

"Still! You should’ve said something, birthdays are special! Even more so when you’re a little kid."

"Am not little. And besides, when did you tell me your birthday?"

"Ehhh, you're right. Hm, this year there's only Shi Mei's birthday left. It's in November. Xue Meng's is in August too, and mine is only in April. April 9th! Heh, we share the same day, xuedi!"

He only hummed, trying to appear uninterested, even as he committed that to his memory.

"Luo Xianxian invited me to her birthday party this Saturday. May I go?" Chu Wanning sat on the couch, swinging his legs anxiously. The TV was turned on, but he'd long stopped paying attention to it.

Huaizui, sitting beside him, nodded. "Is that your "shimei"?" He asked.

"… No." Chu Wanning answered, amused. "Luo Xianxian is Luo Xianxian. Shi Mei is Shi Mei."

What kind of silly question was that?

"I'll take you to this party. Just get me the address."

Ha! Chu Wanning was prepared. He took the birthday invite from his pocket and slid it over Huaizui's book.

Huaizui took a look over it before he put it away and nodded. A moment later he asked, "and what is the name of that "shimei"?

"… Shi Mei."

"Her name is Shimei…?" Huaizui closed his book and raised an eyebrow.

Chu Wanning squinted his eyes.

"Shi Mei."

"Shimei."

"Shi." Pause. "Mei."

Huaizui frowned. "What's her surname?"

"Shi."

"And her first name?"

"Mei." The only reason he didn't say a "duh" was because that would be too disrespectful. But it sat at the tip of his tongue.

"That girl's name is definitely not Shi Mei."

"Well, it is. And besides, Shi Mei is a boy, not a girl."

"Wanning, no one would name their kid Shi Mei, least of all a boy," Huaizui declared and went back to his reading.

Chu Wanning could only stare at his guardian for a few more seconds before jumping out off the couch and running to his room. He grabbed his dictionary and sat on his bedroom floor for several minutes before concluding that, ok, maybe Huaizui was right. Shi Mei couldn't be Shi Mei for real.

But that was what everyone called him!

He worried for a while that he was the one who misunderstood it and had been calling Shi Mei by the wrong name all along and no one bothered to correct him. The next day he paid close attention to Xue Meng and Mo Ran and yep, it was definitely "Shi Mei this" and "Shi Mei that" they kept saying the whole morning.

Well, at least it explained why they bought the "Xia Sini" thing so easily. It was not that they were stupid or gullible, and just that they were used to unusual names.

Huaizui took him to the shopping district Saturday morning, and he bought some ribbons and a set of glitter gel pens, just to be sure. Luo Xianxian had been ecstatic at the present, and, against all odds, the party was fun. The cake was his favorite part, with layers of chocolate, chantilly, and strawberries. It went to his top favorite desserts right on the first bite and he indulged on a second and then a third serving, already planning to ask Huaizui for a birthday cake just like that next year. Playing with his classmates was fun too, even if it came only in second to the cake.

He hadn’t expected to enjoy it as much as he did, but when Huaizui came to retrieve him, Chu Wanning almost threw a tantrum, wanting to play with his classmates a little longer—he did not give in to that urge, though, even if his eyes did redden.

However, the most surprising and unexpected thing was how much attending Luo Xianxian’s party improved his relationship with the rest of his class. If they had been building up into a nice, neutral relationship before, now it was like whatever ice between them had been finally broken, and things were beginning to warm up.

From then on, more often than not he was called to join their games and had a reason other than reading to skip lunch with the trio. He got exhausted around the other kids pretty quickly though—they ran too much, and they spoke too loud; there were only so many days a week Chu Wanning could put up with it. Mo Ran and Xue Meng were noisy too, but that was… different. He just liked them better.

Still, it was nice to have the choice to spend the time with his classmates without the fear of being turned down. For example, unlike last year, this time during midterm exams season, Chu Wanning didn’t have to wait alone until the next period after he was done. Instead, he joined some of his classmates as they all sat together under a tree in the schoolyard and talked—well, he listened to the conversation at least. Or did his best, considering how little the subject interested him.

It had started as a discussion about the test they just took—some were anxiously checking out each other's answers, and Chu Wanning offered his input when prompted. He didn’t see the point in it, though. What was done, was done. What difference did it make to try and figure out if he got the answers right or wrong? He might as well wait for when the teacher delivered the tests back.

At some point, Zhou Ling must’ve thought the same thing, because she urged them to drop the boring topic. Silly gossiping turned into a hushed conversation about school crushes, and Chu Wanning listened with mild annoyance and poorly veiled interest.

Chu Wanning thought this all very stupid and shameless.

… He was also a bit intrigued by it.

Weren’t they too young for this kind of thing? Huaizui made it very clear that dating was not an eight-year-old business—or a nine, ten, eleven and so on years old. He emphasized more than once that Chu Wanning was not to get involved with girls until he was an adult. He had been quite scary then, preaching about many things that Chu Wanning didn’t quite understand yet. Chu Wanning only nodded through it. It was not like he cared much for girls anyway.

Luo Xianxian played with her fingers, sending bashful glances at Zhou Ling.

"Uhmm, how do I know if, you know, I like like someone? More than as a friend," she asked in a small voice.

"It’s obvious, Xianxian!" Zhou Ling answered, again puffing her chest like she was so more grown-up than them. "Your heart races and you get butterflies in your stomach, first of all."

"Butterflies?"

"Yeah, like, you feel all fuzzy inside. And you also feel embarrassed next to him and get jealous when he talks to other girls. And you want to hold hands!"

"But Ling’er, friends hold hands all the time."

"It’s different! If you want to hold hands and feel nervous about it, you’re in love! That’s how it works." The girl made a pause and then covered her mouth, adding quietly, "And of course, there’s kissing--"

Chu Wanning stood up abruptly, unable to endure that nonsense anymore, and stammered some excuse to get out of there, his ears burning. So improper! So brazen! That was why Huaizui told him to stay away from girls, he understood it now.

He ran-- walked away quickly, until he spotted Mo Ran sitting by himself on the other side of the yard. Chu Wanning lightened up, rushing to meet him. Mo Ran had helped him study the past week, although his help consisted mostly of encouraging words and moral support than anything else. Even so, that had helped somehow, and now Chu Wanning wanted to tell him all about how well he thought he did in the tests. His heartbeat raced in excitement and his stomach rolled in anticipation--

Wait.

Mo Ran had already noticed him. He waved and gave one of his pretty smiles that always made Chu Wanning stare and blush.

Wait a minute.

"Xia Sini, come here!" Mo Ran called out when he paused halfway and didn’t come any closer. Only then did Chu Wanning resume walking, with careful steps.

"What are you doing here alone?" Chu Wanning asked, sitting on the far-away edge of the bench.

Mo Ran leaned his elbow on the table and rested his face on his hand, grinning.

"I finished the exam first. Hehe, aren’t you impressed, xuedi?"

Chu Wanning shook his head, and Mo Ran scooted closer to poke at his sides, earning a yelp and a glare.

"Fair enough. It either means that I aced this test or that I bombed it." Mo Ran laughed and Chu Wanning looked away, willing the red on his cheeks away.

There was no way. The thing in his stomach—that funny feeling that always left him a little giddy around Mo Ran… those were not butterflies.

"What about yours?" Mo Ran asked, oblivious to Chu Wanning’s inner spiral. "Was it easy?"

"Mn. I-- I think I did fine."

"See? Little xuedi is so smart, I’m sure you’ll get the best, best grade." Mo Ran leaned over and attempted to tickle him. "There was no need to worry."

"Who was worried?!" Chu Wanning spat, slapping the offending hands away.

If-- If his heart raced because of their proximity, it was only because Chu Wanning didn’t like being touched and always got nervous when other people got too close. It had nothing to do with Mo Ran himself. And so what if Chu Wanning didn’t really mind Mo Ran’s touch and quite liked his hugs, that was still a very normal reaction…

Mo Ran opened his mouth to say something else—probably to tease Chu Wanning about how very worried he had been just that morning—, but before he could speak his eyes fell somewhere behind Chu Wanning and he waved and smiled, something radiant, with deep dimples and eyes turning into crescent moons. Chu Wanning turned around and found Shi Mei walking in their direction. His stomach churned, as it always did when Mo Ran fawned over Shi Mei.

Jealousy, a voice that sounded too much like his classmate’s whispered in his mind.

Just-- No!

Without a word, Chu Wanning jumped and ran away, ignoring Mo Ran calling for his name and Shi Mei’s surprised face as he passed by him. He only stopped when he was locked in one of the boys’ bathroom stalls.

None of that was real. He was only being influenced by that absurd conversation and imagining things. Or rather, resignifying things. Whatever Chu Wanning felt for Mo Ran, it was only because they were friends. Of course Chu Wanning liked Mo Ran, because they were friends. And of course Chu Wanning got nervous and excited around Mo Ran, because they were friends. That's how he felt around Xue Meng and Shi Mei too… surely… the only difference was that they weren't as touchy as Mo Ran. Chu Wanning was bound to feel more embarrassed around him.

And if… and if Chu Wanning did think Mo Ran was quite pleasant to look at, that was just a plain fact. Such as recognizing that Shi Mei was pretty. Even though he never felt like staring at Shi Mei at all times…

And besides! Mo Ran was not only a lot older than him, but he was also a boy. That should be enough to disregard all that nonsense.

Chu Wanning took another couple of deep breaths, feeling his cheek burning bright red still, and his heart hammering with no signs of stopping any time soon.

That was it. He was going to kill Zhou Ling.

❀ ❀ ❀

Falling into a routine with Goutou was surprisingly easy, despite everything the shelter worker warned him about. He wakes up, feeds and takes Goutou for a quick walk, and plays with him until it's time to go to the university. Most days he doesn't have to stay there in the afternoon and gets home on time for lunch. Goutou is always waiting for him at the door—he either memorized Chu Wanning's schedule, or he's learned to recognize his owner's step on the stairs (Chu Wanning still hasn't decided which one it is. He refuses to think Goutou runs to the door to wait for him every time anyone enters the building, that would be too sad). They go out for another walk around the neighborhood in the evening, and then, after dinner, they snuggle together in bed to watch TV until it's time to sleep.

Aside from two or three times when Goutou started to howl in the middle of the night—to which Chu Wanning had glared and reprimanded with an unwavering voice—, there had been no problems between them. Whatever mess Goutou made wasn't any worse than what Chu Wanning himself made. And… it felt nice to come back home to find someone excited to see him every day. Goutou demanded lots of attention, which could be tiring if only Chu Wanning didn't have lots of affection to spare. They fit like a glove.

On Saturday, they go to the dog park together for the first time, and it's fun. Some people strike up in conversation with him and Chu Wanning manages to talk back without feeling completely awkward and out of place. He feels good, confident even.

And that's his first mistake of the day.

Because those small, successful interactions put his guard down and make him bold enough to dress up and go to a small bar close to his apartment at night.

It shouldn’t be a big deal. People do this all of the time. He can do it too!

That's the second mistake.

He sits alone with another glass filled with a sweet drink, playing a silly game on his phone and feeling more and more overwhelmed by the minute.

Chu Wanning is not fit for this. He can’t just go to new places and meet new people like this. What was he thinking? At least back in the park he had Goutou with him to either make him seem more approachable or to busy himself with.

Someone sits on the chair beside him when Chu Wanning is about to gather up his things and leave. He would follow up with that plan unbothered if it weren’t for the deep voice saying, "hey, what’s a beauty like you doing all alone?"

Chu Wanning raises his eyes, ready to scoff at this person’s blatant mocking, and that’s when his third, biggest mistake begins. Because what he sees is a face he never expected to meet again, least of all under these circumstances. Older. Manlier. More handsome than he ever thought possible, while still the same somehow.

"I’m Mo Ran," the man says with a familiar dimpled smile, dark eyes fixated on Chu Wanning’s face. "… Have we met before?"

It’s not shocking that Mo Ran doesn’t outright recognize him. Chu Wanning was still a little kid with a ponytail when they last saw each other. No doubt he looks completely different than he did then.

"I’m-- I’m Chu Wanning," he says, hoping his voice doesn’t betray his nerves.

"Chu Wanning," Mo Ran repeats, rolling his name on his tongue, "it’s nice to meet you."

Chu Wanning blinks. Mo Ran rests his cheek on one of his big hands and smiles leisurely. There’s no sign of recognition on his face.

Ah.

…

What was he thinking? Obviously, Mo Ran would not remember him. Not only has it been over ten years since they last met, but he must also have overestimated his role in Mo Ran’s life. What had he been to Mo Ran other than a bothersome kid following him around? And even if the circumstances had been kinder than that, the truth is that no one else has as few relationships as Chu Wanning, to allow them the luxury of reminiscing about the past indefinitely.

He always pictured this reunion differently, if it ever happened at all, but that had clearly been a naive fantasy.

Mo Ran remains oblivious to his inner turmoil. He scoots closer to Chu Wanning’s chair and rests one—strong, tan—arm on it, ignoring his personal space. Chu Wanning suddenly has another problem popping on his hands besides suppressing his silly heartbreak and blinking away the wetness in his eyes. This man—Mo Ran—is stunning to the point where it becomes disorienting. He is so much stronger, muscles well defined under his tight shirt, his voice deep and husky, and there’s a musky, masculine scent surrounding Chu Wanning. He can’t stop himself from staring and maybe leaning a little bit into Mo Ran’s space too.

"You look a little dazzled. How many of these did you drink?"

Chu Wanning frowns. "Not many."

"Really?" Mo Ran doesn’t sound convinced. He bites his lower lip—so full and plush. Chu Wanning can’t help licking his own in response as he stares.

Then--

Mo Ran curses and launches forward, crushing his mouth on Chu Wanning’s.

Chu Wanning’s brain reboots one, two, three times.

Maybe he did have too many drinks because his head spins and he can't quite grasp what’s happening. He is faintly aware of Mo Ran-- pawing at his waist, grabbing his chin, biting his lips, licking his mouth.

When they part, Mo Ran flashes a grin while Chu Wanning pants through suffering breaths. His heart races at an unimaginable pace and there’s a part of him that positively melted.

"I’ve been wanting to do this ever since I laid my eyes on you," Mo Ran murmurs. He slides his hand to Chu Wanning’s thigh and squeezes, causing him to whine. Mo Ran chuckles. "How about I get you something without alcohol and we can get to know each other?"

He probably nods, because Mo Ran gives him another squeeze and stands up. Chu Wanning stares at Mo Ran’s broad shoulders as he walks to the bar and--

He can't. He can't deal with this.

Chu Wanning scrambles to his feet on shaky legs and does the only reasonable thing he can think of: he flees.

❀ ❀ ❀

He calmed down enough to go back to class on the last period, not sparing glares at the back of Zhou Ling’s head, to the point where his stare must’ve felt heavy on her back and she squirmed on her chair, glancing at the back of the classroom in confusion.

By the time class ended, he was not as spooked anymore. He walked confidently to where the trio waited for the bus--

Only to deflate immediately the moment Mo Ran pulled him closer and ruffled his hair.

"What was that running earlier?"

Chu Wanning shook his head, breaking free of his hold and trying to ignore the heat creeping into his cheeks.

"Nothing. I had… other commitments…"

Mo Ran laughed and even Shi Mei snickered.

"Commitments? Xia Sini, are you getting so popular that you don’t have time for your gege anymore?"

He didn’t dignify that with an answer, jumping on the bus when the driver opened the door. Chu Wanning walked to their seat and paused. He gave them a timid look and said, "… I want to sit with Xue Meng today."

Xue Meng gave an air punch and cheered, running past Mo Ran and climbing onto the seat that was usually reserved for the older boy. The boy in question gasped, looking at them in disbelief. Shi Mei merely raised an eyebrow.

"Really, what’s wrong with you?" Mo Ran asked.

"There’s nothing wrong with me."

"Yeah, he just decided to choose a new favorite xuezhang, right?" Xue Meng passed an arm over his shoulders, hugging him close, and showed his tongue to Mo Ran, who showed him his middle finger in return. "Xuedi finally realized I am cooler than you, hah!"

There were no "butterflies" or racing heartbeats when Xue Meng got too close. A faint blush, yes, because it was embarrassing to be hugged in public like this, but everything else was normal.

His stomach dropped at that realization.

"… Shit."

A gasp.

"Xia Sini--!"

"Xuedi--!"

Chu Wanning only groaned and hid his face in his hands.

It was official: Chu Wanning was going crazy.

It was all those stupid butterflies' fault. Which meant it was ultimately all Zhou Ling's fault.

He couldn't stay around Mo Ran anymore because every little thing he used to feel and associate as unremarkable signs of happiness and delight inherent to their friendship were actually symptoms of…

… a crush.

According to his classmate, at least.

He could admit Zhou Ling’s words hadn’t made him start to feel anything he didn’t feel already. However, it made his life so much more complicated because if he’d been blissfully ignorant before, now he was impossibly conscious of each reaction that being around and interacting with Mo Ran caused. And the more he took notice of them, the more flustered he got. He couldn't even look Mo Ran straight in the eye anymore.

The only thing he could do was to avoid Mo Ran. But that didn’t make the symptoms disappear, and besides, he missed the jokes and games he and Mo Ran played on the bus rides. Not only did Xue Meng make a poor companion, talking about himself nonstop and often trying to impart unsolicited wisdom on how to be like him—as if he wanted that!—, watching Mo Ran and Shi Mei chat every day made him feel uncomfortable.

Although he didn’t believe it when Mo Ran played hurt by his recent favoritism for Xue Meng, he did believe that Mo Ran knew he was hiding something. And, honestly, he would rather die before letting any of them even suspect the nature of his torment.

Aside from all that, there was still a matter bothering him about that alleged crush.

"Hey," Chu Wanning said, eyeing Xue Meng carefully while they stood at the bus stop. Mo Ran was helping Shi Mei to get some books in the library—and Chu Wanning tried very hard not to think about why that made him feel irritated—, so this might be the only good time to ask. He took a deep breath, "boys like girls, right?"

"Hm, yeah," Xue Meng answered, eyes glued to his Gameboy—Chu Wanning had one of those once, but then he disassembled it and couldn't get it to turn on again, and Huaizui refused to buy him a new one later.

He was clearly not paying him any attention. It encouraged Chu Wanning to push a little further.

"So a boy can't like another boy, right?"

Xue Meng’s reaction, unfortunately, was not a casual and disinterested "yes" or "no". He choked, almost dropping the device, and turned to him, cheeks burning tomato red.

"Why are you asking me this?!"

"I-- No reason!" He answered, panicking too. "I was just wondering. For no reason!"

Xue Meng groaned and scratched his head, Gameboy long forgotten.

"Ughhh, look, it can happen. Some boys like boys. Not me though!" He grimaced and Chu Wanning nodded, carefully. He still wasn’t sure what provoked that reaction. Xue Meng continued, "it happens. And it's weird, but it’s not wrong. But, as I said, I am not gay."

Chu Wanning nodded again. He never heard that word before but he could infer its meaning.

"Ah, you should talk to Mo Ran about this."

Now it was his turn to freeze and shout back, "no! Why should I talk to him?!"

"It’s just that… he is, you know. He likes boys," Xue Meng scrunched his nose and repeated, for good measure, "I don’t."

"God, no one’s saying that you do!" Chu Wanning shouted again, exasperated and wishing he could just bury his head like an ostrich. "Just forget I asked you that."

Xue Meng agreed, visibly relaxing.

When Mo Ran and Shi Mei met them in time to catch the bus, they both pretended nothing happened.

On Monday, Chu Wanning went to school with a mission.

On the ride to school, Xue Meng walked straight to the seat beside Chu Wanning, while Mo Ran looked at him in uncertainty, in a way that made Chu Wanning want to cry—it reminded him of the way the neighbor's dog stared at him from their front window, too far away to be patted, every time he walked to the bus stop: helpless and a little pitiful.

And so, when lunch break started, he gathered his courage and walked to his classmate's desk.

"Zh-- Hm, Ling'er. Can we talk?"

The girl paused the conversation with her friends and looked at him questioningly. It was really out of the blue for Chu Wanning to talk to her—or, well, anyone who wasn't Luo Xianxian—unprompted.

"Outside," he clarified, when she remained seated, waiting for him to start.

Once they were outside the classroom, far away from their classmates' prying eyes, he spoke again, "you talked about crushes the other day."

Her eyes widened and she stammered, "haaa, sorry Ningning, but I already have someone I like…"

He scoffed. "I'm not confessing to you!"

Zhou Ling hesitated and then narrowed her eyes.

"… Then what do you want?"

"How do you make it go away? The crush."

"So you do have someone you like!" She perked up, clapping her hands. "Who is she?"

Chu Wanning blushed, schooling his face into a scowl. "No one you know."

"Eh, really? She’s not from school?" The girl put her hands on her waist and considered him. "You're cute, why don't you confess? Maybe she'll like you back."

"Ling'er!"

"Ok, boring. Hm, usually a crush goes away when you find a new one."

"But I don't want to like someone new! I don't want to like anyone!"

"Silly, silly," Zhou Ling shook her head and looked at him as if he was just a baby. "You can't control the matters of the heart! You’re always reading, how is it that you know nothing about this? Haven't you watched any romance movies?"

He had not, in fact. And besides, the books he read were not about this kind of stuff. Mostly Huaizui made him read about history, music, and poetry—and while the latter sometimes talked about love, it was in ways Chu Wanning couldn’t comprehend. And his own books of choice were all about robotics nowadays.

"I suppose you could wait until it went away on its own, but it can take a long time."

"How long?"

"Hmm…" She tapped at her chin and pondered for a moment. "Maybe around three months, I guess."

Chu Wanning gaped.

"That long?!"

His classmate nodded, solemnly. "I’m afraid so. If it’s worth anything, I really do think you should confess. Maybe it will work out!"

Chu Wanning didn’t answer, just sent her a withering look—that, admittedly, didn’t have much effect coming from a little boy—and she shrugged. They walked back to class together and Zhou Ling gave him a few comforting pats before going back to her seat.

Three months…

He had no idea how long he’d been living with those feelings; they appeared gradually and quietly enough that he would’ve kept ignorant about them. Maybe they would have come and gone, without any alarm and Chu Wanning would’ve been none the wiser.

Three months sounded like a long time but… maybe he could do it.

He just had to swallow it up and endure a bit longer, and then one day he would wake up and it would have gone away already. Winter break was right around the corner too; even if this stupid crush lasted until then, surely after a whole month without seeing each other, Chu Wanning’s heart would forget all about Mo Ran and go back to normal.

This time, when he arrived at the bus stop and the trio was already standing there, he walked straight to Mo Ran, pulled his sleeve, and said, "Mo Ran, can we go back together today?"

Mo Ran flashed him a smile and scooped him up in his arms, maneuvering him easily until he was being carried piggyback style.

"Have you forgiven me already, xuedi?"

Chu Wanning hid his face in Mo Ran’s shoulder, ignoring his racing heartbeat.

"What are you talking about?" He mumbled.

"You were upset with me, right? So I must’ve done something wrong, hehe. Sorry."

"Gege didn’t do anything wrong," he said, and Mo Ran gasped, twirling him around, and then started to tell him all the things they couldn’t talk about in the past few days.

Xue Meng sulked, having lost his place as best xuezhang—Chu Wanning never said that—, and Shi Mei patted his head.

Ah, he missed all this. Even if he got nervous and embarrassed himself, this was definitively better than the alternative of avoiding Mo Ran altogether and missing him.

Ok, just for a few months, he could endure it. And then everything would be fine again.

❀ ❀ ❀

Chu Wanning must be going through what is probably one of the worst weeks of his life—ranking higher than that disastrous incident years ago, if only because this time it was entirely his own doing. He has barely slept at all, even if he spends most of the day in bed. The only reason he gets up on the days he doesn’t have work is because of Goutou—it’s a curse and a blessing; it’s a curse because he wants nothing but to mope and be depressed until who knows when; it’s a blessing because his life doesn’t wind out of control.

Even Ye-laoshi notices the dark circles under his eyes and his downcast demeanor, wrongfully assuming it to be because of her, and doubles over her efforts to reassure him, until the last day before her five-month leave finally comes. By her request, at the end of the day he heads to her office—soon to be her substitute's.

"There you are!" She says, spinning her office chair when he opens the door. "Come here, I want you to meet the new professor before I go."

A face peeks over his professor's shoulder and Chu Wanning freezes.

"This is Mo Ran, he'll be taking over my classes for the next few months. And this," she turns back around to face the man behind her, "is Chu Wanning, the student I was telling you about."

Mo Ran stands up with an amused grin and a quirked eyebrow. He says, "it's a pleasure to meet you, Chu Wanning. I hope we can work well together," and extends a hand.

Chu Wanning stares at that palm, the gesture looks almost taunting. After a moment of hesitation, he gives Mo Ran a quick handshake, ignoring the way the older man almost caresses his hand, brushing his rough fingertips over his wrist. He mumbles something in agreement and takes a small step back. Ye-laoshi, who is not stupid by any means and can certainly read a room, tilts her head in a silent question that Chu Wanning pretends not to notice.

Instead, he gives Mo Ran a quick appraising glance and feels his ears burn. For the first time in years, he wishes he still had his hair long enough to hide them.

Mo Ran is so much more handsome here in the clear, unforgiving light of the office—it highlights all of his traits, almost clinically, in the same way that Chu Wanning knows it exposes all of his own flaws. Unlike him, Mo Ran doesn't have any imperfections to be shown, though. He is still young, with the same juvenile air from ten years behind, except that all his features are turned broader and sharper. Gone are the round, full cheeks he still had the last time Chu Wanning saw him. Now, it's a sharp jawline outlining his face, and light laugh lines make themselves present alongside his dimples and eyes.

Chu Wanning gives a nod in acquiescence to whatever was being said and looks away immediately, hoping the flush on his cheeks is not as noticeable as it feels.

However embarrassed and jittery he may feel, a bigger part of him is flooded with relief, so plain and overwhelming that he could almost cry.

Leaving abruptly the other night… he regretted it the moment he got home. The first and only time he got to see Mo Ran again in ten years and he threw it away without a second thought. He had been so sure that he would never see him again for real… If he shed a few angry tears about it, Goutou was the only witness.

So this right now feels like a small blessing. A third chance he doesn't deserve to once again orbit around Mo Ran for a little while. He can swallow whatever grievance he felt about not being remembered—he will definitely bury the events of that night in the back of his mind, something that only came to be due to the alcohol both of them ingested—, and treasure whatever few moments he manages to steal.

"Ye Wangxi was showing me some of your work." Mo Ran crosses his arms, leaning against the desk. "It’s very impressive, Wanning." He grins, bright and dimpled, and Chu Wanning melts—not unlike he did all that years ago, but certainly not exactly quite like that.

"Wanning, Mo Ran is the one I told you about," Ye-laoshi interjects. "I know him, and I am sure you will be pleased with his work. I couldn’t have left you in better hands, honestly. "

Chu Wanning hums. Mo Ran laughs again, "not one of many words, are you?"

"Don’t bully my student, Mo Ran," Ye Wangxi reprimands with no real heat. "Don’t give him too much trouble while I'm gone. I will be keeping in touch."

"What makes you think I would ever--"

"Don’t make him like you too much either. I don't want my favorite student stolen."

"Ah, I'll make no promises on that."

Chu Wanning sputters. He knows they're only joking, but still, he says, "Ye-laoshi, that’s impossible."

It’s true. No matter how biased he is when it comes to Mo Ran, Ye Wangxi is by far the best teacher he ever worked with. He doesn’t think that opinion will be changing anytime soon, even if it is Mo Ran.

"Are you sure? I think you’d be surprised, Wanning," Mo Ran says, in a husky tone that sounds closer to how Chu Wanning remembers his voice from that hazy night at the bar. "You don't know how charming I can be." And he winks.

Chu Wanning warms under his gaze. Ye-laoshi drops her smile and furrows her eyebrows, sending an inscrutable look at Mo Ran.

"As a teacher," Mo Ran adds quickly, scratching the back of his head. "I can be very charming, as a teacher!"

"… That’s it for now, Wanning. We’ll keep in touch." Ye-laoshi smiles one last time and Chu Wanning nods, glad to be excused. His treacherous heart still jumps erratically in his chest and if he gets any redder, he's afraid his face will catch fire for real. He closes the door just in time to hear a hissed, "Mo Ran, what the--", but doesn’t linger around to eavesdrop.

He allows his hands to shake from emotion, at last, and takes a deep breath.

A few months. That’s what he gets. He could make it through unscathed.

❀ ❀ ❀

It was another day of playing hide and seek during break time, at Xue Meng’s suggestion. Chu Wanning quite liked this game, mainly because he was great at hiding. Mo Ran, on the other hand, was good at finding, and it made the victory sweeter.

Shi Mei declined, saying he was going to study, even though it was not exams season. That was his excuse for never joining any of their games. Chu Wanning suspected he wouldn’t join them even if he weren’t busy, but that was none of his business. It even worked in his favor at the moment.

Chu Wanning ran to the gardens, spotting Shi Mei with his notebook on one of the tables, and sprinted to him. He jumped behind the bench the boy was sitting, crouching behind him. At the same time, someone bumped into him, and Chu Wanning turned around to find Xue Meng, also crouching behind Shi Mei.

"Get out," Chu Wanning hissed, shoving Xue Meng.

"You get out," Xue Meng retorted, pushing him away instead.

"I don’t know if you two noticed," Shi Mei’s collected voice came from above them, "but I came here precisely because I did not want to play."

"And that’s exactly why we came here," Chu Wanning said.

"Mo Ran won’t come here to bother you, which makes it the perfect hiding spot," Xue Meng explained. Chu Wanning sent him a dirty look, earning himself a glare.

"…"

"But," Chu Wanning continued, slightly raising his voice, "there’s only enough space for one person here, and I arrived first."

"No way xuedi, it was me."

"It was me," he hissed, with another shove.

"Me," Xue Meng grunted.

"Me--"

"The one who got here first was me," Shi Mei said, very calmly. He stood up and Chu Wanning realized only too late what he was about to do. He called, " Hey, A-Ran!"

"Fuck," Xue Meng cursed, scrambling to his feet. Chu Wanning followed suit but it was too late, Mo Ran was already snickering loudly across the schoolyard and shouting their names.

"That was not fair," Xue Meng grunted for the nth time. The rest of their lunch break was occupied by a long discussion and sulking—the latter being extended to the ride back home, apparently.

Chu Wanning didn't think of himself as much of a sore loser as him, but he was inclined to agree this time.

"Not fair at all," he said.

Mo Ran laughed. "You were cheating in the first place by going to hide next to Shi Mei. Shi Mei was only making sure things were fair to me too, right?"

"Of course, A-Ran."

Chu Wanning rolled his eyes. Shi Mei only snitched on them because they bothered him too much. He was pretty sure that had it been only him quietly kneeling behind the older boy, he would've kept quiet. But Xue Meng just had to copy his hiding spot…

"Ah, xuedi won't stop pouting, hehe."

"I am not pouting."

"You are. But it's ok, you look very cute," Mo Ran pinched his cheek and Chu Wanning scrambled to the far end of his seat, mortified. "But on you, pouting doesn't look good at all, Mengmeng. Grow up."

His ears burned and his cheek tingled where Mo Ran's finger squeezed it. His heart insisted on skipping beats too. He'd been learning to ignore those reactions and conceal them. It sometimes resulted in him being a little harsher on Mo Ran than on the others, but it was the best he could do. In his defense, Xue Meng and Shi Mei didn't do nearly as many things that deserved him snapping as Mo Ran.

Still, there was no reason for his silly heart to behave like this right now.

Mo Ran called him cute only to poke fun at Meng, not because he really meant it. And even if he meant it, it would've been in the same way you call a pet cute. Not flattering at all. Humiliating, if anything.

Chu Wanning played with the end of his ponytail with his hands and sank into the bus seat.

Ah, it was embarrassing how much he enjoyed being called cute by Mo Ran. All that talk about love turning people into fools was no joke—he'd been researching lately. He borrowed a few books from the school library and watched TV when Huaizui wasn't home. The results of said research were not very promising. He could confirm that love did make people stupid—he swore he could feel his brain cells freezing whenever Mo Ran got in his eyesight.

There were some… symptoms that he didn't have, though. When he thought of kissing his face automatically contorted into a grimace. That was gross. It was comforting to know he still didn't hit that low. Chu Wanning would rather eat sand than ever have the urge to kiss someone.

About all the rest, however, he couldn't keep pretending he was any better than Zhou Ling or Luo Xianxian anymore.

The most humiliating thing happened in the privacy of his room, on a Wednesday night. He was doing his homework while the last movie he watched still danced in his mind. Chu Wanning stopped doing his math questions and tentatively led his pencil to the bottom of the page. Slowly, very carefully, he wrote "Mo Ran" once. Then another time, keeping his calligraphy cleaner this time. Then, he let his hand slide on the paper and doodled a heart around the name.

Chu Wanning stared at it, blinking, before blushing and tearing the page of his notebook and tossing it in the trash.

That was the most shameless thing he'd ever done. And now he would have to rewrite all the homework on that page. It served him right for being so impudent.

The calendar he kept at the desk in his room, dutifully signaling the end of three months mark, stared at him mockingly.

With time, he stopped checking the calendar every day. Partially because the more got used to his feelings again, the less he jumped like a feral cat every time he noticed them. But mostly, he simply got busy with other birthday parties, play dates, and studying—as much of a diligent student as he was, it didn't mean he didn't face challenges at school. It was only natural that he forgot about it eventually.

"I don't think I can do this," Chu Wanning confessed in hushed words to Mo Ran. He did not like to admit his ineptitude but there was no running away from it.

"Of course you can, xuedi," Mo Ran said, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly.

Chu Wanning shook his head.

A school presentation was the scarier thing he ever had to go through.

It was not that he was never called to answer a question or read a passage from a book. He even made some small presentations before, often about a book the teacher asked them to read or some assigned subject. But those were small, simple things, and it was not like he didn't dread those either.

However, this one was different. His teacher was very categorical when she said she expected a real presentation from them, and that she wanted everyone to ask questions to which they would have to answer. He wasn't afraid of being unprepared—he studied plenty and knew about the subject. He was confident about that. But… he didn't like to speak in public.

"I will forget what I have to say and then the teacher will think I didn't do my research, even though I did. Or-- or I will stammer and everyone will laugh--"

"Hey, no one will laugh," Mo Ran squeezed his arms again and Chu Wanning pouted. "Haven't you been getting along with your classmates? Aren't they nice?"

"… Yes."

"See? So they won't make fun of you, even if you stumble on your words once or twice."

"And if anyone does," Xue Meng interjected, "we'll teach them a lesson."

"Please don't let anyone hear you threatening to hit 3rd graders," Shi Mei said.

"I didn't say I was going to hit them!"

"Anyway," Mo Ran interrupted, "none of that will happen. Xuedi will give an amazing presentation! I've seen you studying and memorizing stuff the whole week, and you even brought a cool poster. You'll do fine."

"But--"

"Hah! Don't you trust me?"

"… I do trust you."

"So trust me, everything will be alright." Mo Ran smiled again, patting Chu Wanning's head. It always made him feel kind of like a dog or a similar pet when Mo Ran patted him like that, and it always unnerved him to have his ponytail messed up. He didn't try to slap Mo Ran's hands away this time, though. "Do you want to practice it one last time?"

"Mo Ran! Mo Ran!" Chu Wanning shouted as he ran to the bus stop, where Mo Ran, Shi Mei, and Xue Meng stood. "I did it, I did it!"

Mo Ran crouched and held him when he arrived, "you did it?"

"I did! Just like you said, I made the presentation and said all the stuff I knew, and Xianxian made a question that I knew how to answer, and the teacher said I did a good job, and…" He trailed off, suddenly growing embarrassed of his outburst. He finished in a small, restrained voice, "and that's it."

Mo Ran grinned. "I knew you would do great! Xuedi is so intelligent and hardworking~!"

Chu Wanning blushed, looking down at his feet. And then he was lifted in the air.

"Mo Ran, put me down," he squealed.

Instead of putting him down, Mo Ran laughed and spun him around.

"Little xuedi is amazing! Hehe, the smartest, cutest xuedi~!"

"Let me down!"

"Uh-uh, only if you call me gege."

"Mo Ran!" Only when it became clear that Mo Ran would not let him go did Chu Wanning take a deep breath and whined, "Mo Ran gege…"

Except that instead of putting him down, Mo Ran squeezed him harder, groaning, "ughhh how are you so adorable?!"

"You promised," Chu Wannign cried, kicking his legs. "Gege! Mo Ran gege! Let me down!"

"Nope!"

"Gege--!"

"Can you two please get in?!" Xue Meng shouted, standing at the bus door. "This is embarrassing!"

It was a couple of weeks after winter break, when his mess got so out of hand that Huaizui locked him up in his room and said he would only go down for dinner once it was inhabitable again, that Chu Wanning found it.

He went to toss the pile of books, notebooks, clothes, and assorted tools on his desk on the floor, and then found, beneath it all, his calendar. Chu Wanning stared at it, blinking in confusion at the circled date with a few exclamation marks. It seemed important, but Chu Wanning could not remember any significant event in the past month…

Oh.

He crumpled the calendar and tossed it in the trash.

Right. The three months until his problem went away. He had completely forgotten about it, and more than three months had passed already. However… Chu Wanning considered for a brief moment and, nope. The crush was still there. Well, it figured that Ling’er knew nothing of what she was talking about. Typical.

He was not remarkably upset at the realization, though. At this point, these feelings for Mo Ran were at least familiar, and safe in their familiarity. Better than having it going away only to be replaced by unpredictable feelings by another random person, he decided.

❀ ❀ ❀

Ye-laoshi sent him a few more texts over the weekend, going over all her previous instructions and reiterating that her phone and e-mail were available to him at any moment, if he had any doubts or needed any help, really, Wanning, if Mo-laoshi gives you any trouble at all, tell me--. Chu Wanning told her again that he was fine and told, in no uncertain terms that bordered on insubordination, that she should worry about the baby she was supposed to be giving birth to in the next few days. She did leave him alone after that, sending a few heart emojis as a goodbye.

Maybe it’s naive on his part, it’s true that he doesn’t know this new, adult Mo Ran, but if he is anything like the boy Chu Wanning once knew, he doesn’t think he has anything to worry about. The Mo Ran he knows is many things, but vile is not one of them. He chooses to believe that remains the same. As for what happened the other day… Chu Wanning won’t think about it. That was a mistake, even more so considering their current professional relationship. Mo Ran-- Well, Mo-laoshi must be on the same page as him about that.

Now, just because he knows Mo Ran is not a bad person, it doesn’t mean he is not annoying.

The first thing Mo Ran did a few hours after Chu Wanning excused himself from Ye-laoshi’s office was to send him an e-mail asking if they could meet on Monday a couple of hours before class. He promised it would be an exceptional thing, that he only wanted someone to show him around and help with class preparations, and finished with an exaggerated and incomprehensible stream of emojis. How was Chu Wanning supposed to say no to that? It’s not like he had any other plans.

Goutou had been excited at first when Chu Wanning got up earlier than he usually did on Mondays, but that excitement died as soon as he realized his leash and collar remained in the same spot. He whined and tried to stop Chu Wanning from leaving at all costs, running back to the couch to sulk when none of his efforts worked. Chu Wanning couldn’t help rolling his eyes at the dog’s antics but promised himself to buy him a treat on the way home.

… A couple of hours later he would realize that Goutou was right, after all. The meeting with Mo-laoshi proved to be a total waste of time.

He had been agitated when he arrived and found Mo Ran, radiant as ever and with too many open buttons—not enough to be considered inappropriate, but still enough to catch Chu Wanning’s attention. Almost all his attention was directed to keeping his voice even and his eyes away from Mo Ran’s collarbone.

That is, until annoyance started to grow inside of him.

First, Chu Wanning gave him a tour around campus, showed him all the main buildings, and walked him to each of his classrooms at Mo Ran’s request. And then back to Ye-laoshi’s office, and there they ran over the basics of how to access the college website with his credentials, the institutional webmail, etc… All things that surely Ye-laoshi would’ve shown him before she left, and yet…

And honestly, even that hadn’t put him off. He wouldn’t mind helping with this stuff at all, however basic they were.

If it wasn’t for--

"Ah, wait, wait, how do I upload a file again?"

--that.

Chu Wanning could feel his eye twitching.

"Click on the three dots, then the plus sign, and select the file. Then you rename it and add a description, just like I showed you."

"Hmm," Mo Ran hums, following the steps without any trace of confusion—well, there shouldn’t be any; it’s the third time they’re doing this.

If Chu Wanning had been flustered when Mo-laoshi had pulled their chairs together and brushed his knee on Chu Wanning’s thigh every time he moved, it’s all gone now, replaced by exasperation. Mo Ran is faking it, Chu Wanning is 100% sure of it. And while it had been admittedly endearing that Mo Ran is still just as silly and cheeky as his teenage self used to be, it stopped being cute a good half hour or so ago.

"And if I want to send an e-mail to all students at once…?"

"I already showed you how to do it."

"I don’t remember though…"

"Then perhaps you should write down my instructions, Mo-laoshi."

"Hm, should I? Haha."

"Mo-laoshi," he reprimands, and it’s frustrating, yes, but the affection behind it would be crystal clear to anyone familiar with him. Luckily, Ye-laoshi is the only person who knows him to such an extent, and she won’t be around anytime soon.

Mo Ran laughs, amused by Chu Wanning’s reactions, and Chu Wanning lets his lips lift slightly into a smile.

They leave together for class not long after that.

Chu Wanning watches the lesson from the back of the classroom with interest. Mo Ran is… a good teacher, as much as Chu Wanning can say after watching only one of his lectures. He is charismatic, although in a different way from Ye Wangxi. He puts an effort in making a few occasional jokes to ease the students and speaks with such an air of confidence that even Chu Wanning, who’s familiar with the subject of study, can barely look away. Needless to say that Mo Ran easily keeps the class engaged throughout the whole lesson.

Irrationally, Chu Wanning feels his chest filling up with a warmth that is too close to a mix of fondness and pride. He always knew Mo Ran was amazing, but seeing in person how much he’s succeeded after all those years… it’s nice. Comforting, even.

"And with that, we finish our first class together," Mo Ran exclaims, tapping softly on his desk. "As I said, I won’t deviate from Ye-laoshi’s syllabus. Office hours remain unchanged and I sent you all an e-mail with my contact info. And if you need more help with the material or have any questions, we also have this lovely T.A.!"

That makes Chu Wanning stop typing and raise his eyes to Mo Ran, who gives him a toothy grin.

"Wanning is surprisingly very patient. I’ve been pestering him non-stop today and he’s been guiding me through everything without a word of complaint, haha." Chu Wanning's eye twitches. That was not true. He had plenty of complaints. Mo Ran smirks, as if he knows exactly what Chu Wanning's thinking, and continues, "have you checked any of the papers he and Ye-laoshi published? He’s rather brilliant. You’re lucky to have him at your disposal. Make use of him."

"Mo-laoshi!" Chu Wanning hisses, in an attempt to stop this-- this-- Well, it can’t be called slander, because none of those things are bad, but--

"And he’s shy. Cute, right?" Mo Ran chuckles. Chu Wanning sinks in his chair, hoping the laptop shields his blushing face from the entire class’ prying eyes.

Chu Wanning waits until every student gets out—it takes a while. It seems that everyone wants to have a word with the new professor. Once Mo Ran is finally alone, Chu Wanning strides to his desk.

"Mo-laoshi, please don't do that."

Mo Ran looks up at him. "What?"

Chu Wanning crosses his arms and waits.

Mo Ran tilts his head, too innocently. "Oh, you mean the introduction? I was only letting the class get acquainted with you."

"You didn’t have to introduce me, they already know me. You're the only one new here."

"Heh, you’re right, of course. I got a little carried away."

"Well, see that you don’t anymore."

"Alright," Mo Ran agrees with that sort of smile that tells he will be doing it again. Chu Wanning sighs. Before he can turn around, Mo Ran steeples his fingers and says, "oh, I've been meaning to ask you, what's your WeChat?"

"What?"

"Your WeChat? So we could, you know, add each other. It's more practical than emailing"

"I don't have that," he answers with a slight frown.

Mo Ran raises his eyebrow. "Really?"

He doesn't even know what that was supposed to be.

"What about Weibo, then?"

Chu Wanning just shakes his head. That one he heard people talking about before, but still, he had never bothered to give it a try.

Mo Ran presses his lips and squints his eyes. Chu Wanning shifts, uncomfortably.

"Do you want my phone number, then?" He finally offers. It's unnecessary; Chu Wanning checks his e-mails religiously. But maybe that's simply the way Mo Ran personally prefers to work with his T.A.s.

It's instantaneous the way Mo Ran brightens.

"Oh, yes, that works too!" He laughs, almost beaming as Chu Wanning types his contact info on his phone.

It is sort of endearing, Chu Wanning is forced to admit.

"Ah, and Wanning, one last thing!" Mo Ran calls before he walks out of the door. Chu Wanning glances behind, quizzically. "You can call me Mo Ran."

Chu Wanning falters before turning around with a huff. "That would be highly inappropriate, Mo-laoshi."

❀ ❀ ❀

When Shi Mei entered the bus alone that morning, Chu Wanning visibly deflated.

It was not that he disliked Shi Mei, or anything—well, maybe he got a little wary of his presence sometimes, but only because Mo Ran often pampered him so much to the point of being annoying. And yeah, maybe it only annoyed him because it made him feel jealous, whatever. But the main reason was simply that being alone with Shi Mei was awkward. He couldn’t say for sure that Shi Mei liked him very much or just put up with him because of his friends. He was always kind and friendly but in a lukewarm and reserved way. Maybe he wasn’t a big fan of kids or wasn’t interested in Chu Wanning himself.

So it was surprising when, even without the other boys, Shi Mei walked to where Chu Wanning was and sat in Mo Ran’s usual spot beside Chu Wanning.

"A-Ran and Xue Meng are out of town," Shi Mei informed. "They’ll be back on Monday."

Chu Wanning hummed in acquiescence. That sucked, but couldn’t be helped. It was weird to go to school without the usual chatter around him but the change wasn't entirely unwelcome. Shi Mei's company was peaceful.

They shared Chu Wanning's umbrella when they got to school and were greeted with a drizzle, Shi Mei only then realizing he forgot his own at home and hissing a new swear word Chu Wanning politely pretended not to hear—while making sure to record it in his mind. Not that he planned to use it, but it may come in handy someday and it was not like anyone was willing to teach him that.

Once it was break time, Chu Wanning went to the table the trio usually sat at on rainy days. Admittedly, he hesitated for a couple of minutes, considering if he should stay in his classroom today. But in the end, he decided to go. Even if things were awkward, Shi Mei would be alone if he didn’t go. At least some company would be better than no company, right?

Except that Shi Mei did not share the sentiment. It seemed that no company was preferable to some companies. His, specifically. Chu Wanning sat there alone, waiting and nibbling at his steamed bun and feeling silly. And yet, he couldn't go back to finish his meal inside the classroom without feeling even sillier. That basically confirmed that Shi Mei only humored his presence because of Xue Meng and Mo Ran, didn't it? Chu Wanning blinked and put his bun down, not feeling hungry anymore. Ok yeah, alright. It didn't matter if Shi Mei liked him or not, he didn't care.

By the time classes ended, Chu Wanning wasn't blinking back tears anymore. Much. Maybe he planned to lie under his covers and mope, but just for a little while!

On the way to the bus stop, he spotted Shi Mei through the library’s window. The rain had only got worse throughout the day.

Stupid Shi Mei. They could share an umbrella again if he had just stuck to their routine. Now, Chu Wanning was definitely not going to wait for him.

However. Chu Wanning stopped at the exit as his classmates and other students passed by. Shi Mei always came back from the library with quite a pile of books, and it was raining a lot. Maybe he could linger around for a little longer, and so when Shi Mei passed by him he could pretend to be on his way out and casually offer his umbrella.

The minutes passed by, but Shi Mei was nowhere in sight. Chu Wanning glanced at their bus apprehensively. He couldn’t wait any longer. Should he run back to the library and hurry Shi Mei? Or he could at least leave his umbrella by the door and run very fast to the bus? But then Shi Mei could not even realize that the umbrella was for him… or someone else might take it instead…

He bit his lip, considering his options. Unfortunately, he took too long at that. When Chu Wanning finally decided to leave his umbrella behind and hope that Huaizui didn’t notice it, the sound of a car engine starting forced him to snap his head up. It was their bus leaving.

Chu Wanning made a strangled noise and watched, petrified, as the bus disappeared around the corner.

He blinked, stunned.

"Xia Sini?" Came a surprised voice from behind him. "Hasn’t the bus left yet?"

And finally, Shi Mei decided to appear, graciously balancing a couple of heavy books in his arms just as Chu Wanning had predicted.

"It already left."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"B-because!" Chu Wanning blinked quickly, took a deep breath, and started vomiting words, "you didn’t have an umbrella! And you would get all your books drenched! But you didn’t come back and then-- and then the bus left and now I can’t go home until tomorrow and Huaizui will be furious and, and, I don't even have a toothbrush-- wah--"

Shi Mei stared at him with wide eyes and then laughed. It started with a quiet giggle and escalated until he was fully snorting. Chu Wanning usually prided himself on not being a crybaby and never throwing any tantrums, but his response to this was no other than staring at Shi Mei and crying harder—there was even drool and snot along his tears now, and he should be embarrassed, but he was so aggrieved that he could only open his mouth more and scream "wah, waaah" louder.

"Oh my god, stop crying," Shi Mei wheezed. "My sister is coming to pick me up, stop it."

A few used tissue papers later, Chu Wanning was barely sniffling anymore, and they both sat on one of the benches in front of the parking lot.

"You didn’t have to wait for me just because I didn’t have an umbrella."

Chu Wanning tried to scoff, but it only sounded like an awfully loud sniffle.

"And there is another bus later. You wouldn’t be stuck in school until tomorrow just 'cause you lost the first bus.

"Hum."

The minutes stretched in silence until Shi Mei shifted and glanced at him again.

"So, what’s your actual name?"

"Who says it isn’t Xia Sini?"

Shi Mei raised an eyebrow and waited.

Chu Wanning pouted. "Why do you want to know?"

"Just because it would be fun to know something that A-Ran and Xue Meng don’t. And I can’t take you seriously with that name, sorry."

An unfair remark coming from the one who everyone called Shi Mei.

"… It’s Chu Wanning," he admitted eventually. "Now you have to tell me yours!"

"Oh? And why do you think it’s not Shi Mei? Got any problem with it?"

Chu Wanning rolled his eyes, puffed his cheeks, and, with the confidence of someone who had not just realized it a couple of weeks ago, said, "older students have their grades raking in the main hall. There was no Shi Mei there any time I checked."

Shi Mei chuckled behind his hand. "Alright, don’t be so serious, this is not a test." Then why, Chu Wanning wanted to ask, do you make all conversations with you feel like a test? Shi Mei continued, "it’s Shi Mingjing. Shi Mei is a nickname."

"Cool." Chu wanning swung his legs. "Do you want me to call you that?"

It was not like they were intimate enough that Chu Wanning could call him by his nickname, even if that was how they were introduced.

Shi Mei dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "Nah. What about you?"

"Xia Sini is ok."

"Alright."

Not long after, a red car parked in front of them and honked.

"That's Yanli-jie," Shi Mei informed, getting up. "Do you even know your address?"

"Of course I know my address, I'm not a baby!"

"Then hurry up and come, A-Ning," Shi Mei teased.

Chu Wanning scrambled to his feet, blushing and stuttering at the name. When Shi Mei told him about the next bus, he thought he was supposed to wait for it, and not that his sister would take him home too. That was very stupid of him, now that he thought about it. He hurried up and ran after Shi Mei, who waited for him with the door open.

❀ ❀ ❀

"And how's it been working with Mo Ran?" Ye-laoshi asks before Chu Wanning disconnects from their video call.

She called to check on how everything was going, apparently not satisfied with only the e-mail and text messages they exchanged. Her newborn baby slept peacefully in her arms. In a similar fashion, Goutou pushed himself onto Chu Wanning's lap, though way less peacefully—he almost knocked the laptop a few times, trying to better fit between Chu Wanning's arms and even trying to lick the screen when Ye-laoshi talked to him.

"It's fine."

"Fine how?"

She doesn't sound convinced. That is funny, because she had been so reassuring and confident that things would so smoothly before. Maybe it's just the stress with the baby and having to leave her work in another person's hands.

"Fine," Chu Wanning repeats. He doesn't roll his eyes, but only because he respects Ye Wangxi too much. "He's getting along alright with everyone, and his teaching methods are adequate."

"I do not doubt that. But what about you?"

Chu Wanning huffs, "as I told you already, it's fine." He pauses and frowns. On second thought, he adds, "well, you know him. Mo-laoshi can be very inconvenient."

Ye Wangxi gives a loud laugh that ends with a sigh as she massages her temples with her free hand. "Yes, I do know that. Inconvenient how?"

"Well, he's too informal. And insists on using nicknames," he says with a grimace. "And…"

"Let me guess, touchy?"

"Yes. Always with-- with the shoulder grabbing and head patting."

"I told him not to do that. I'll talk to him."

Chu Wanning shakes his head, blushing a little. How is he supposed to tell her that it's not his touch aversion acting up, but just that he feels so flustered and embarrassed each time precisely because he craves that brief physical contact with Mo Ran?

He settles for, "no need, I'm not uncomfortable. Other than that, he's ok," he says, quickly, in the hopes of ending this subject. "You needn't worry."

"… I guess you're right," she finally concedes. "I guess I am just feeling overprotective of my favorite student. Call it a mother's instinct." She laughs and Chu Wanning can't help blushing. Goutou barks and Chu Wanning has to hold him to stop him from jumping on the laptop. Ye-laoshi continues, "I know I am worrying for nothing. Thanks for humoring me, Wanning. I trust Mo Ran. He would not abuse his position. That was silly of me."

"… Like overworking me and slacking off? He is not."

"Sure, sure. Still, call me any time you want, ok?"

Chu Wanning spoke too soon.

"Why are you doing this?" Chu Wanning asks just as he walks into the classroom, first thing in the morning, a couple of weeks after talking with Ye-laoshi.

Mo Ran turns around to meet him and greets him with a smile, "good morning, A-Ning!" Then frowns. "Doing what?"

Chu Wanning huffs and crosses his arms. It’s been almost three weeks since Mo-laoshi started teaching, and while they were slowly building a pattern of their own, and it was bound to be different from what it was with Ye-laoshi, there were a few things that Chu Wanning still couldn’t get his mind around.

"Always making everyone take their questions to me."

This was one of them.

"Oh, did eighteen talk to you yesterday?"

"I." Chu Wanning balks, his indignation being disarmed by the confusion. "Who?"

"You know," Mo Ran gestures vaguely and sits on top of his desk, "that girl from Tuesday classes. Overly polite. She’s the eighteenth in the attendance roll, I don’t remember her name."

Chu Wanning stares in disbelief. "… You mean Yu Minhua?"

Mo Ran chuckles, scratching the back of his head. "Ehhh, probably. I told her to e-mail you yesterday. Did she?"

"She did," he says. "As did Duan Lingtian and Xie Xue. I’ll be meeting them in the library later."

"Oh really? That’s great!"

That dimpled grin does not sway Chu Wanning. He crosses his arms harder if that’s even possible. A few students already getting inside for class give them some curious glances.

Chu Wanning lowers his voice, "but why?"

"Hm, because I think that would be of great help to them? In a few years, you'll be a big name out there and they will regret not taking the chance."

Mo Ran pokes his forehead, and Chu Wanning bats his hand away, blushing and stuttering, "Mo-laoshi!"

The man chuckles, as Chu Wanning takes a few steps back, and says, "Ye Wangxi told me her students are too shy to seek you on their own, so I thought I could try to encourage them a little. And it is working nicely, isn't it? My office hours have never been emptier."

"… I see. Mo-laoshi didn't want to work, that's why you're pushing everyone on me."

"Hey, hey, that's not what I said," Mo Ran protests.

Chu Wanning rolls his eyes. Mo Ran had been slacking off after all. Well, technically attending students was part of Chu Wanning's job, so this did not count as an abuse of authority or whatever it was that Ye-laoshi worried about. But still…

If he cared about being honest, he would admit he was pleased by the current outcome. Flustered, yes. But not unhappy. It always felt uncomfortable how people avoided him at all costs. Ye-laoshi had been kind in saying people were shy. The truth is that everyone always preferred to talk to her than with her T.A. because she is way more approachable and welcoming. Mo Ran's strategy has been working, though Chu Wanning suspects that there are other factors at play here and not because everyone suddenly agrees that Chu Wanning is of great help. The thing is that Mo Ran is… well, look at him, he's… hot. Ok? He's hot. Anyone with eyes can see that. Or ears. His voice is hot too. Hell, even his scent. Those are facts, Chu Wanning is being completely unbiased here, by the way. So what happens is that for the first time, even if for different reasons than it was with Ye Wangxi, Chu Wanning is not the most intimidating person in the room.

But Chu Wanning doesn't care about honesty. He will pretend to be as annoyed as he wants to be.

"You'll be staying in the afternoon to meet those students, right?" Mo Ran stands up and closes the distance Chu Wanning had put between them. He rests his hand on Chu Wanning's shoulder, motioning small circles with his thumb, just as touchy as Chu Wanning remembers from his youth. "How about we grab lunch together?"

It is tempting. It's undoubtedly not like old times, but it holds the promise to be close enough—to hear Mo Ran talking nonsense and laughing while they share a meal. He wants it so badly. But…

"I can't, I have to go home for lunch."

"Why?"

"Goutou is waiting for me," Chu Wanning explains.

"Goutou?"

"Mn," Chu Wanning nods. "He'll get impatient if I'm late."

It would not hurt Goutou if Chu Wanning didn't show up at midday once, but they have a routine. He doesn't want his dog to be distressed. One time he got distracted with his work and lost track of the time, and when he got home, two hours later than usual, his pillows had been bitten to shreds and at least two neighbors complained about the noise.

Mo Ran stands there with his lips pressed in a thin line, lost in thought.

"… Won't you start class?" Chu Wanning finally asks when the silence goes on for too long.

Mo Ran snaps out of his thoughts and greets the students, with a smile that looks just a bit strained.

❀ ❀ ❀

Chu Wanning felt like his head was about to explode. He had a paper due the next class and he may or may not have lied to Huaizui that he was all done with his homework yesterday, just so he could go to Xianxian’s house with Ling’er after school. Huaizui had a "no lights on after 9 P.M." policy, and he didn’t want to risk getting caught in the lie either, which was why he could not work on it when he got home last night… So lunch break it was.

However, in a lapse of judgment, Chu Wanning thought that sitting with the trio of high schoolers would be quieter than staying around his classmates, aka, the literally 9-year-old kids who run around and scream for the entirety of break time.

Of course that had been a terrible idea, what was he thinking? Xue Meng and Mo Ran were as good as pre-schoolers.

"You cheated!" Xue Meng shouted.

Mo Ran kicked him under the table, making everything shake. Chu Wanning’s mechanical pencil slid across the page. He gritted his teeth and grabbed the eraser.

"I didn’t cheat. It’s not my fault if you suck!" Mo Ran retorted, sticking his tongue.

"You did!" Xue Meng screeched, getting more red by the minute. "Mo Ran, I’ve been playing that game forever, you can’t be better than me on the first try!"

"You’ve been sucking forever, then."

"Mo Ran!"

Chu Wanning erased the whole sentence and started again. The table wobbled once more.

"Hey," Shi Mei whispered. Chu Wanning raised his eyes. "Look at this."

Shi Mei tossed his hair back, propped his elbows in on the table, and rested his cheeks on his hands, looking dejected, but like, in a beautiful way.

He sighed loudly, "Ah…"

Xue Meng and Mo Ran paused in the middle of their discussion and turned to Shi Mei.

"I wish I could drink a melon soda…" Another sigh. "But the cafeteria must be so crowded now…" And finished with a pout.

It took only a couple of seconds and then Xue Meng was jumping to his feet.

"I will get you one, Shi Mei! You can wait here!"

"No, I’ll get it," Mo Ran announced, as he too started to leave. "Just you wait, I’ll get you one, Shi Mei! And you too, little xuedi!"

Chu Wanning watched them both run, pushing each other on the way. And just like that, there was finally silence.

"See?" Shi Mei yawned and covered his mouth graciously. "They’ll spend the whole break in the cafeteria line now."

"That’s kind of mean though…"

"Uh-uh, wrong reaction. Try again, xuedi."

"That’s…" Chu Wanning looked from Shi Mei to his unfinished homework and then back at Shi Mei. "… Useful…?"

"That’s right." Shi Mei nodded.

"Oh…" Chu Wanning scrunched his nose. "You’re good at making other people do what you want."

He was a firm believer that Shi Mei should be in the theatre club.

The older boy shrugged. "It’s just a matter of knowing when you have the upper hand and using it."

Chu Wanning hummed, even if he didn’t really understand it. It was probably easier for Shi Mei because he was pretty and everyone liked him. Chu Wanning would probably not have the same luck if he tried to pull one of those stunts.

But thanks to Shi Mei, he could finish his homework undisturbed and he still got a melon soda out of it.

Huh.

Maybe Shi Mei’s advice had some value: being mean could be useful sometimes.

Chu Wanning and Mo Ran walked to the bus alone—Chu Wanning was held back in class, helping Luo Xianxian finish her assignment, and, coincidentally, Mo Ran had left class late too. Mo Ran chatted and carried a couple of books—and that was weird because Mo Ran never carried any books around. Chu Wanning was distracted trying to side-glance at the titles and figure out what had finally gotten Mo Ran interested enough to study in his free time, and that's when he tripped on a loose tile.

"Whoa, xuedi!" Mo Ran exclaimed, rushing to grab his arm and stop him from falling face-first on the cement—and dropping all his books in the process.

Chu Wanning stood up, ready to apologize and help Mo Ran pick up his things, when he saw it. There, in plain sight, fallen amidst Mo Ran's books, was an adult magazine. Mo Ran and Chu Wanning stared at it in complete silence, until Mo Ran fished it back quickly, hiding it in his between his textbooks.

"That-- I didn't know that was inside those books--!" Mo Ran explained, hurriedly.

Chu Wanning didn't buy it for one second. His mouth formed an "o" that grew more as he realized what exactly he had looked at.

"Just forget you saw anything," Mo Ran tried again.

Too late. Chu Wanning had already recovered the color of his cheeks and shouted, "indecent! Shameless--!"

"Yes, yes, and you saw nothing, little xuedi!"

"Filthy! Preposterous--!"

Mo Ran groaned. "How do you know all those words?"

"Improper!" Chu Wanning continued, undeterred. "Carrying that kind of-- stuff around!"

"It’s not mine! It’s my friend's!"

"Shi Mei and Xue Meng are your only friends and that is not theirs."

"I have other friends too?!" Mo Ran yelled, and then grumbled, "why-- why does it sound like you think I'm a loser?"

Chu Wanning stared at him, unconvinced. He wasn’t sure he believed Mo Ran about the magazine not being his. Or, even if that was true, did he truly not know he was carrying that? … It didn't matter, he decided.

"Well, it is indecent," he declared. "And gross!"

"Yes, it’s gross adult stuff," Mo Ran agreed and resumed walking. "And I’m an adult. So you're right that it’s improper and etc for you, but it’s alright for me to see it."

Chu Wanning squinted his eyes and ran after Mo Ran. "… I am not dumb, Mo Ran! I know you can’t bring that stuff to school anyway! I bet Xue Meng and Shi Mei don't even know you're carrying that around!"

"And that’s why you’ll forget that you saw anything, like a good kid."

"… And what do I get?"

"What?"

"What do I gain for seeing nothing?"

Mo Ran blinked in disbelief. "Really? Blackmailing is wrong too, Xia Sini."

The kid stopped right in front of their bus and stared up at him, unimpressed.

"Uh… I’ll bring you those milk candies you like tomorrow. How about it?" Chu Wanning tapped his foot on the ground. Mo Ran frowned. "… I’ll bring you milk candy for the rest of the week… and the next."

Chu Wanning considered. "I suppose… I don’t remember what was it that fell from your books."

Despite everything, Mo Ran ruffled Chu Wanning's hair and laughed, "you are a menace, did you know that?"

The next day, Chu Wanning made sure to share a milk candy with Shi Mei, even if the other boy had no idea what it was about.

"What are you guys doing?" Chu Wanning asked, eyeing the trio warily.

He'd been playing tag with his classmates when he saw the trio suspiciously sneaking out on the edge of the schoolyard. Chu Wanning ran after them then, and now stood there, squinting his eyes as Mo Ran prepared to climb the wall, and Shi Mei and Xue Meng watched them from the other side of the wall.

"Shit," Mo Ran curses.

"Ah, Xia Sini, we're not doing anything," Xue Meng chirped raising his hands.

"Go back to play with your friends, xuedi," Shi Mei sighed.

Chu Wanning squinted his eyes harder. "… No, I don't think so."

The boys groaned.

"Mo Ran, hurry up, someone's gonna catch us," Xue Meng urged. "Xia Sini won't tell on us, just leave him behind."

"Well, maybe I will!" He shouted, not liking Xue Meng's dismissive tone.

"Xuedi…" Mo Ran started.

"Bring him with you," Shi Mei decided. "We'll be back in time to catch the bus. Bring him."

They stared at each other for a moment. Until Mo Ran reached for him.

Chu Wanning screamed, "wait, Mo Ran! Wait, I won't tell! I won't," and tried to escape but Mo Ran was already putting him on his back.

"Too late, xuedi. Hold on tight," he said and started to climb the wall.

"We're going to fall!"

"We're not going to fall," Mo Ran reassured.

They fell.

Mo Ran's feet slipped and he fell back, right on top of Chu Wanning, who started crying so loud that a teacher immediately came to check what happened. Shi Mei and Xue Meng ran away and barely managed to not get caught, and Chu Wanning and Mo Ran were taken first to the infirmary and later, once Chu Wanning's arm was firmly secured in a sling, to the principal's office.

"Are you still hurting?" Mo Ran whispered. They were left alone in the room while the principal went to call Huaizui, much to Chu Wanning's horror.

He shook his head. "Not anymore."

"Sorry, xuedi," Mo Ran said, again. He'd been repeating that ever since their fall.

"It's ok," Chu Wanning sniffled. "Why were you trying to skip class anyway?"

"Ah. It's Shi Mei's birthday tomorrow, right? And there's this new arcade opening today, so we thought it would be cool to go there… but I should've known better than getting you involved…"

It was Chu Wanning's own fault for meddling, in the first place. But before he can say anything, the door swings open, and Huaizui marches into the room.

The principal scrambles behind him, saying, "it's nothing serious, but--"

"Didn't he break his arm?"

"Well, yes--"

"And you left him alone in the same room with the kid who bullied him."

"Mr. Xiao--"

"No one bullied me," Chu Wanning interjected, frowning at his guardian.

"Then pray tell, why did this boy hit you?"

"He didn't hit me! We were just…" Trying to skip class. Yeah, there was no way he could say that to Huaizui. "Playing," he finally decided. "Because we're friends."

"That's what I was trying to tell you, Mr. Xiao. The teachers already know they use to sit together and play at lunch time, so this was nothing more than an accident, I assure you."

"And why didn't I know about this friend, then?" Huaizui inquired, ignoring the principal.

"But you know about Mo Ran!" Chu Wanning protested, high-pitched and indignant. "I told you!" More than once, or twice, or even thrice, actually.

Huaizui paused and stared at them as Mo Ran gave a tentative smile and waved his hand. The older man gave a deep sigh and pinched his nose bridge.

"This is your senior Mo Ran?"

"Yes."

Huaizui furrowed his eyebrows and stared at them in silence. The principal grimaced from where he stood behind him.

Eventually, Mo Ran gave a weak, embarrassed laugh and said, "umm, Mr. Huaizui, sir… I'm sorry. Xuedi got hurt because I--"

"I asked Mo Ran to give me a piggyback ride," Chu Wanning interrupted him. "He said no, because I'm too old and big for that but I insisted. Uh, a lot. And threatened to cry, until Mo Ran agreed. And then we fell."

Chu Wanning held his chin high. It was the first time he lied directly to his guardian's face. At least his cheeks were still red from crying, and so no one would notice him blushing from the lie.

Huaizui scrutinizes them for a couple of seconds longer, before turning around. "Let's go. I need to get you to the hospital," he said and left.

Chu Wanning jumped to his feet and hurried to follow Huaizui, not before looking back to wave at Mo Ran and whisper, "bye Mo Ran. I hope you don't get into trouble."

"Just worry about getting better, xuedi," Mo Ran whispered back, and then the principal closed the door right in Chu Wanning's face.

Oh, Mo Ran would get into trouble alright.

"I thought," Huaizui started once they were sitting in his car, on the way to the doctor. "I thought your xuezhang Mo Ran was an eleven-year-old kid."

Chu Wanning couldn't help snorting. "What?" Mo Ran, super tall and big Mo Ran, eleven? Where did Huaizui even get that from? Chu Wanning giggled again. "He's not!"

"I know that now," Huaizui replied, clicking his tongue. "Let me guess, Shi Mei and Xue Meng aren't kids either?"

Shaking his head, Chu Wanning said, "they're all in the same class."

The tapping of Huaizui's fingers on the steering wheel was the only noise in the car for a while. Chu Wanning yawned. He was tired and his arm was starting to hurt again.

"I don't like it," Huaizui finally said. "You should play with kids your age only. I don't want you talking with those three anymore."

"What? No!"

"Chu Wanning," Huaizui hissed, and it was the harsher he'd ever sounded.

Chu Wanning's lip quivered but he didn't budge.

"I will not stop talking to them!"

"It's for your own good. You shouldn't be friends with teenagers that much older. They're a bad influence at best, or they could be bullying and taking advantage of you at worse. I don't like it."

"That's not true. We've been friends forever and nothing bad ever happened."

Huaizui pulled the car to a stop, in the hospital's parking lot, and gave him a flat look.

"This was an accident," Chu Wanning answered the silent accusation, holding his arm defensively.

"Don't be difficult, Wanning," Huaizui sighed.

But being difficult was exactly what Chu Wanning intended to do. He shook his head, blinking away the tears, and insisted, "please, nothing bad will happen, you don't have to worry. Please dad, I really like being friends with them!"

Huaizui didn't say anything, just stared at him with wide eyes. Tardily, Chu Wanning realized his slip-up, and felt his own eyes growing wide, embarrassment coloring his cheeks.

The man cleared his throat. "… Alright. But you have to tell me if they ever bother you. I mean it, Wanning."

"Ok, I promise," Chu Wanning mumbled as Huaizui helped him out of his seatbelt.

They walked together hand in hand. When Huaizui awkwardly patted his head, Chu Wanning bit his lip and hid his blushing face on the adult's arm.

❀ ❀ ❀

Goutou has been exceptionally needy lately and it's all Mo Ran's fault. Well, not directly, since he's not doing any of it on purpose—or even knows all the trouble he's been causing—but he is the reason behind it nonetheless.

Studying and advising sessions have been keeping Chu Wanning at uni longer than usual. It's nothing unreasonable and, honestly, just part of his duty as a T.A. It's just that before he had so much more free time… and if once he would have welcomed the distraction, now he had Goutou, whose job was monopolizing Chu Wanning's attention.

And on top of that, there is Mo Ran, who might as well be another clingy puppy for how much he demands Chu Wanning's time. He calls him to his office all the damn time, to help him revise the contents of the next class, to review essays—which Ye-laoshi would let him do at home—, or just to have pointless conversations. So what if Chu Wanning secretly enjoyed spending time with him? It didn't make the situation any less troublesome.

It was not a surprise, then, that Goutou grew restless with all these changes.

Chu Wanning could only resort to intensifying their playtime outdoors, hoping to tire Goutou enough that he slept through the whole day.

He decides to put it into practice on a Sunday evening. They walk to the park and toss the ball until they're both rolling in the grass. Then Chu Wanning takes him for a last stroll around the park before heading home. With luck, this and a quick walk around the block in the morning will keep Goutou quiet until the evening. The lady from the 308 had complained more than once about how agitated her cats got every time Goutou started howling, and the old man downstairs was beyond pissed with Goutou running and jumping all the time.

They walk. Goutou doesn't try to run off to chase every bird he sees, which is the ultimate sign of his exhaustion.

Chu Wanning yawns and lets his eyes wander around. There aren't many people around at this hour: at the moment, there is only another man besides them, jogging a few meters ahead. Chu Wanning can't help humming appreciatively—and immediately blushing—as he watches the guy's sweaty shirt clinging to his broad back.

He is unfamiliar with any sort of proper relationship—romantic or sexual, it doesn't matter. With some rare and sparse exceptions, he's inexperienced. But that doesn't mean he is entirely ignorant of sexual attraction. He has a type—that no, he will not be examining too closely, thank you very much—and he enjoys looking sometimes, even if he never intends to act on it.

(Once, when he was just a kid, before Huaizui had adopted him and still back at his first school, his class went on a field trip. He doesn't remember much from that trip, aside from the vibrant, colorful blue cotton candy he ate for the first time. In the following weeks, he had craved the feeling of the candy melting on his tongue and the sugar rush that followed and, tempted by the misleading name, sneaked to the bathroom and tried to lick one of the cotton balls. He still shudders at the memory of the texture, awful, so wrong, and nothing like the bliss he anticipated.

It felt like that in the few times he got physical with anyone—well, with the obvious exception of a certain someone, but he said he wouldn't think about that night ever again—, until he decided to give up on these matters altogether.)

This guy, running in front of him, falls perfectly into that type, with his dark hair, muscles, and tan skin—again, don't think too hard about that.

Ch Wanning is, embarrassingly, focused on the man's ass, nicely outlined by his tight gray sweatpants, and that means that when the man stops stretching and turns around, the first thing Chu Wanning sees is his crotch and, uh, another thing nicely outlined by those gray sweatpants.

He chokes on nothing and almost trips on his own feet. Goutou comes back to his side immediately and tilts his head in worry.

And then, to his absolute panic, he hears a surprised, "Wanning?"

Chu Wanning raises his eyes and catches sight of Mo Ran and his outrageous sweatpants, waving and running excitedly to him.

For a brief moment, he seriously considers turning around and walking away without a word. But it's too late for that; Mo Ran is already standing in front of him, with a sunny smile.

"Hey! What a nice coincidence. How are you doing?"

"Mo-laoshi," he greets. He doesn't say anything else, averting his eyes carefully.

Mo Ran doesn't seem to mind his lack of an answer. He keeps going, "I jog here all the time! How come I've never seen you around?"

He laughs and moves, presumably to grab Chu Wanning's shoulder as he often does, but then, for the first time since Chu Wanning adopted him, Goutou growls. He blinks, astonished, and barely catches Goutou in time when he jumps to bite Mo Ran.

"Goutou!" Chu Wanning screams, pulling the leash back. He manages to restrain him, but Goutou doesn't stop showing his teeth menacingly at Mo Ran. "Goutou, stop. Sorry, I don't know what's gotten to him. Stop it," he hisses and looks at Mo Ran apologetically.

"So that is Goutou," Mo Ran says, taking a tentative step back. "He is… adorable," he says, unsure.

"He's usually friendly" Chu Wanning swears, and Goutou immediately growls, as if just to disprove him.

Despite Goutou's plain hatred toward him, Mo Ran insists on joining them for the rest of their walk. At least Goutou doesn't try to attack Mo Ran again—that is, if Mo Ran stays at a certain distance from them—but he barely lets the man speak, barking loudly every time he tries to talk. Mo Ran even walks them home, at which point Goutou refuses to walk anymore, whining and looking helplessly from his human to the man following them, and has to be carried in Chu Wanning's arms, like an oversized baby.

They stop in front of the building and stay there in awkward silence for a while, until Chu Wanning gathers his courage to ask, "would you like to come in?", at the same time Mo Ran says, "see you tomorrow, A-Ning."

Chu Wanning turns around, mortified.

"W-wait," Mo Ran stammers. "Actually yes, I--"

"Goodbye!" Chu Wanning cuts him off, slamming the door behind him and rushing upstairs until he's back in his apartment. He lies on his bed, face down on the mattress, sinking into his humiliation while Goutou whines and paws at him.

"I always pictured you more as a cat person," Mo Ran comments, side-glancing at Goutou—who, in turn, throws him a few dirty looks now and then.

Somehow, for some reason, Mo Ran ended up prying out of Chu Wanning his schedule and made sure to join him on his walks, much to Goutou's distaste. Chu Wanning thought he was bound to get used to Mo Ran eventually, but on the fourth day they met this same week, things looked just as bad as on the first day.

And besides that… Mo Ran insists on walking them home, and every single time, when they stop in front of Chu Wanning's building, he stares at the younger man with big, expectant eyes, as if he thinks Chu Wanning will invite him inside again. And for what? So he can say yes this time and make up for Chu Wanning's embarrassment? Hah, as if! He would rather just pretend that didn't happen.

This time is no different. Mo Ran starts with the puppy eyes the moment they turn the corner to Chu Wanning's street.

Chu Wanning ignores him and scrunches his nose. "I prefer dogs," he states, matter-of-factly.

He doesn't like cats. Granted, only because they never like him very much in the first place. Dogs are simpler to understand—they either like you or not, and are very upfront about it. For example, Goutou loved Chu Wanning… and despised Mo Ran.

"That's funny," Mo Ran continues, "'cause you remind me of a kitten yourself."

"That doesn't make any sense."

Mo Ran babbles what seems to be a well-thought explanation on his cat-likeness but Chu Wanning doesn't hear any of it. His eyes stray to the ice cream parlor on the other side of the street right as Mo Ran begins to speak, and they stay there for god knows how long. It's so hot today; a sweet treat would be nice…

It's only after a couple of minutes go by in silence that he realizes Mo Ran has long stopped talking, staring at him with amusement. It takes some prodding and a few protests, but eventually Mo Ran successfully drags him across the street and buys him a strawberry scoop and a chocolate one for himself.

Chu Wanning dives into his ice cream with a pleased hum. Mo Ran laughs ostentatiously and Chu Wanning glances at him, puzzled, before the man licks his thumb and reaches for his cheek, saying, "here, kitten, let me clean you--".

And then Goutou growls and jumps on him.

"I am sorry," Chu Wanning repeats, for the third time.

"It's fine," Mo Ran assures him, again.

"Woof," Goutou barks, pleased with himself.

It's far from being fine. Not only did they both drop their ice creams, but Mo Ran's white shirt was also completely ruined, turned into a wet and sticky chocolate-flavored mess.

"Come back home with me," Chu Wanning says, worrying his lower lip. "This was Goutou's fault. Let me-- get you a clean shirt and make it up for your lost ice cream…"

"Oh, and how are you going to make it up to me, kitten?"

With an exasperated sigh, Chu Wanning gives Mo Ran a flat look. "Are you coming or not?"

"If you insist," Mo Ran purrs, offering a smirk.

Goutou, who's been panting with the smuggest look a dog can muster ever since he knocked Mo Ran down, huffs in distress when Mo Ran follows them upstairs. Chu Wanning ignores him. This is his fault, he won't be coddled this time.

"Don't mind the mess," he warns as he unlocks his door. "I mean it."

"Ah, Wanning, don't worry, I'm sure it's not… that bad…" Mo Ran trails off and Chu Wanning looks back only to find him pretty much staring at every single corner of his chaotic apartment. Mo Ran catches his eyes and chuckles, "what mess? I don't see any mess."

Chu Wanning rolls his eyes. He takes off Goutou's leash and heads to the pile of clean clothes on his chair.

"Goutou's jumped on the bed," Mo Ran comments.

Chu Wanning hums and keeps going through the clothes. He's sure he has a shirt big enough for Mo Ran around here… oh, there it is.

"You can take off your shirt. The bathroom is to the left and here's a clean-- Mo-laoshi!" He turns around to find Mo Ran already undressed, with abs, pecs, and-- and nipples on display. "Put this on, please" he squeals, throwing the clean shirt on Mo Ran, and rushes to the kitchen, feeling his face aflame.

"Is this shirt even yours? It's at least two sizes bigger than you," Mo Ran asks, trailing closely after him.

Chu Wanning ponders as he opens the kitchen cabinet. It has been his for longer than it had been the guy's who forgot it here, so, "yes," he decides. "It is my sleeping shirt," he explains. There's a pair of clean mugs left in his cabinet. Chu Wanning sighs in relief. "I will wash your shirt and bring it to you tomorrow. I apologize for Goutou, I'll restrain him harder next time."

"Umm, speaking of Goutou, he's chewing off your chairs now…"

"Yes, he likes to do that."

"Oh, so he's allowed to do that too… I see…" Mo Ran grumbles. "And you don't have to wash my shirt, it's fine."

"Of course I have to," Chu Wanning mumbles, never mind that he is terrible at doing laundry. He inspects his fridge and sighs. "Mo-laoshi, I hope you're alright with vanilla."

"I-- Can be. Sometimes." He sputters. "Wanning--"

"Good." Chu Wanning fishes two spoons—again, the last clean ones; today is really his lucky day despite, well, all the unlucky bits—and turns back around to face Mo Ran, who is still stammering about liking vanilla or not, and places the mug on his hands. "I don't have any chocolate left."

Mo Ran stares at him and then down at his ice cream.

"Oh. Oh."

"What?"

Mo Ran chuckles, a little too on the edge of being hysterical, and leans on the doorway.

"Nothing. It's nothing." He winks and takes a spoon of ice cream, deliberately licking it instead of taking it to his mouth.

Chu Wanning cast his eyes down and swallows, ignoring the way his hands shake at the sight.

❀ ❀ ❀

Despite how much Chu Wanning tried not to think about it, the trio was in their last year of high school. And after coming back from winter break, he was hyperaware that with each week that passed by, Mo Ran's graduation got closer.

It kept him awake on some nights and brought him to tears on the worst ones.

At times, he entertained the thought of asking them to keep in touch somehow but soon gave up on the idea He was too afraid of the answer. Sure, they were friends. Sure, he believed the trio enjoyed his company, even if not as much as he enjoyed theirs. But… that was here, while they were all in school and had to see each other daily. Why would they want to keep seeing him once they didn't have to anymore?

Even Huaizui had noticed how quiet(er) he'd been lately, and Chu Wanning had to come up with a few poor excuses for his mood.

His friends noticed too, and, to his misfortune, Ling'er was not as forgiving as Huaizui.

"Are you moping because of your crush?" She asked, not buying any of his excuses. "Do you still like her?"

Chu Wanning held his backpack closer to his chest and sent her an affronted look.

"Eh? Wanning has a crush?" Luo Xianxian asked, with wide eyes. "Who is it?"

"She's not from school. Xianxian, you're so slow, it's been years," Ling'er sighed. As if the only reason she knew about it was not that Chu Wanning himself told her—something he regretted immensely. To Chu Wanning, she asked, "really? The same person all this time?"

He hesitated for a second and then nodded.

"It must be true love, then," his classmate proclaimed. "You have to confess, Ningning!"

"I don't!"

"You do!"

"Oh, oh!" Xianxian interrupted. "You should give her chocolate on Valentine's Day! Just like Ling'er told me to do."

"No," Ling'er clicked her tongue. "Only the girls gift chocolate on Valentine's."

Xianxian pouted. "So we have to find a way of getting the girl Wanning likes to give him chocolate…?"

"We don't even know who she is, though."

"It's actually a boy," Chu Wanning said. The girls stopped talking and turned to look at him, and he bit his lip. "The person I like. It's a boy."

He didn't know exactly what prompted him to say that. It was just that it felt weird to have them talking about Mo Ran as if he was a girl.

Luo Xianxian whispered a quiet, "oh," and the silence stretched a bit too long until Chu Wanning started to worry they would react as badly as Xue Meng did that one time. But then Luo Xianxian turned to Zhou Ling and asked, "how does it work then?"

"Wait, I'm thinking," Ling'er answered, tapping on her chin. "I think… I think that if it's two boys… or two girls… then anyone can gift the chocolate on Valentine's Day?"

"Ah, so that means you can still confess, Wanning!"

"What? No way."

"Come on, we'll help you."

"There's no point… He's moving out of town in a few months."

"Are you kidding? All the more reason for you to do it!"

"Yeah!" Xianxian agreed. "Will you let him go without ever trying to confess?"

"You'll regret it foreveeeer."

"Besides!" Chu Wanning shouted, desperate to put an end to this. "He's older."

"So what? Xianxian's crush is older than her too and you're not seeing her chickening out."

Chu Wanning clicked his tongue. Mo Ran was infinitely older than Chen Bohuan!

"He likes someone else too!" He yells, as a last attempt. "That's it! That's why I can't confess! I will be turned down anyway."

"… And are you sure of that?"

"Are they even dating?" Ling'er questions. "If not, it's fair game."

"But--"

"No buts!"

"Let's do it together, A-Ning!"

Chu Wanning carried a little package with a flower-shaped homemade chocolate to school. It was the only one of his attempts that looked edible—and honestly, that said a lot about all the discarded ones left on Luo Xianxian's house.

(Her older brother had helpfully guided the three of them through melting the chocolate bars and filling the moulds and everything was just fine until this one friend of his stopped by. The man insisted on tasting a bit of everything and offered plenty of unwanted criticism, until Luo Xianxian decided she had enough and threw a tantrum, stomping her feet on the floor and crying loudly. And, well, if Chu Wanning had been having trouble before, when it was all quiet and peaceful, all that screaming surely didn't help.)

He decorated the ugliest hearts and haitang flowers to ever exist, and then gave up on most of them until there was one lonely chocolate left, now sitting pitifully at the bottom of his backpack.

Shi Mei and Xue Meng went to the cafeteria to buy their lunches today, and it was like the universe itself was conspiring with Ling'er, giving him alone time with Mo Ran and prompting him to give the damned chocolate. Chu Wanning agonized as the minutes passed by.

"Mo Ran," he called, at last.

"Yes?"

Chu Wanning took a deep breath.

"Did you get any chocolate today?"

He didn’t look up to face Mo Ran, even when he felt his eyes on him.

"Hm? Ahh, because of Valentine's Day? No, haha, why? Does xuedi think I’m so handsome that I would've gotten tons of chocolate, mn?"

"I did not say that," Chu Wanning hissed. His face was scarlet now, he knew it. His ears burned so hotly it was uncomfortable. "If-- If you're really so handsome, then you didn't get anything because you're too annoying!"

"Ouch, don’t hit where it hurts." Chu Wanning looked up at that, but Mo Ran didn't look the least upset about his words. He stared at Chu Wanning with puzzled amusement. "Did you get any chocolate? Is that why you're asking?"

"And," Chu Wanning continued, ignoring his question, "what about Shi Mei?"

"… What about him?"

Did you give him chocolate?

Yeah, there was no way he could ask that, no matter how badly he wanted to know. Chu Waning shook his head. This was a bad idea.

"… Nothing. Nevermind."

Mo Ran scrutinized him.

"Xia Sini, do you have a crush--"

"No!"

"--on Shi Mei?"

His next denial got stuck in his throat. Chu Wanning blinked in confusion.

"What."

"It’s ok, you can tell me," Mo Ran reassured, but his eyebrows were knitted together in… worry? Displeasure?

"I don't have a crush on him!" Chu Wanning snarled.

"On who?" Xue Meng asked, flopping on the other side of the table.

"Shi Mei!" Mo Ran replied, sounding baffled.

"Mo Ran!" Chu Wanning shouted. He glanced back at Shi Mei, who stood behind Xue Meng, blinking in surprise. "I just told you I don't!"

"Oh, that makes sense," Xue Meng nodded, as if Chu Wanning hadn't said anything at all. "That's why you asked me about that that one time, right?"

"… Asked you about what?"

"None of your business! Heh, suck it, Mo Ran! Xuedi chose to confide with me first."

Chu Wanning would laugh if he wasn't so distressed. How dared Xue Meng gloat about something he was so painfully wrong about?

"You're lying," Mo Ran retorted. "You didn't even know about his crush."

"There is no crush!" Chu Wanning repeated, to no avail.

"Haha, I guess I'm just more reliable than Mo Ran gege!"

"You--!"

"This is ridiculous" Shi Mei finally snapped, cutting off the other two. "Please, tell me you're fucking kidding me right now."

"Hey," Mo Ran hissed. "Watch your tone. If you make Xia Sini cry…"

"I'm not the one who's going to make xuedi cry, because he doesn't have a crush on me, idiot."

"Well, and who is it then?"

"No one!" Chu Wanning yelled one more time.

Shi Mei paused and glanced at him. Chu Wanning pressed his lips tightly shut and held his stare, aware of the wetness pooling in the corners of his eyes. You could never tell, with Shi Mei. If there was anyone who had seen through him and figured out his feelings, it would've been Shi Mei. And now he would expose Chu Wanning's most mortifying secret just because he didn't like being dragged into this.

However, after a moment, Shi Mei looked away and said, in the flattest voice, "Ah… I see. Xuedi has a crush on me."

The relief that washed over Chu Wanning was immediate. And short-lived, soon replaced by annoyance. Shi Mei could lie way better than that.

"I am sorry," Shi Mei continued, with that fake apologetic tone. "I am flattered, but you're too young, xuedi. I can't accept your feelings."

"I-- I see," Chu Wanning nodded, eager to play along. "Ok. I guess… I guess my crush is over now then."

"That's not how crushes work," Xue Meng pointed out.

Chu Wanning glared at him—as much as one could glare with tears threatening to spill at any moment—and deadpanned, "I guess my crush. Is. Over."

("Hey, xuedi, wait!"

"Stop following me," Chu Wanning hissed.

He stopped in front of a trash can and retrieved from his backpack the stupid chocolate that caused all that trouble. Before he could drop it in the garbage, Mo Ran snatched it from his hands.

"What is this?"

"Give it back, Mo Ran!"

"Is this chocolate? Were you… were you going to give this to Shi Mei…?"

"Mo Ran," he groaned. His eyes were still red from before. He didn’t want to talk about it and risk start crying.

"Look," Mo Ran said, staring at the chocolate with a complicated expression. It looked bad, but not that bad! He didn't have to make that face! Mo Ran continued, "I know Shi Mei reacted badly. But you shouldn’t take it to heart… It’s not your fault. I know it’s difficult to picture it, Shi Mei is really nice, but sometimes he can be…"

"I know, Shi Mei is a meanie. And besides, it wasn’t my fault, it was yours. Now give it back."

"What? What do you know?"

"Sometime’s he smiles and he’s pissed off, and sometimes he is mean just because. I know. Mo Ran, give it to me!"

"Why do you know that?"

"Because we’re friends."

"We’re friends too, and it took me ages to figure that out!"

"That’s just because you’re very silly. And because we make fun of you and Xue Meng behind your back all the time."

"Xuedi, what the fuck--?"

Chu Wanning huffed and reached out for the chocolate—now instead of just tossing it away, he was going to throw it on the ground and stomp on it and then throw it back at Ling’er’s desk. So troublesome!

But Mo Ran raised it out of his reach.

"Hey, I didn’t get any chocolate and I’m still bummed about it, and here you are, throwing away a perfectly fine chocolate?"

"Mo Ran!"

"So forget Shi Mei, he didn't deserve your chocolate anyway." Before Chu Wanning could register what was happening, Mo Ran undid the wrapping and shoved it into his mouth. He gasped, "it’s… spicy chocolate? Xia Sini, I’m the one who loves spice! See?" He proved his point by taking another large bite. "Everything worked out! Stupid Shi Mei wouldn't appreciate your chocolate, but me? It's like it was made for me--!"

"Oh my god, just eat it and stop talking.")

No one dared to mention any of that again, which worked fine with Chu Wanning. Ling'er and he were not on speaking terms for a few days after Chu Wanning ignored her because of the Valentine's Day fiasco, but soon Xianxian('s tears) brought them together.

And then, in no time, the school year came to an end.

Despite how much Chu Wanning dreaded it, when the day of the trio's graduation finally arrived, it passed in a blur.

Shi Mei's sister was there, and he even met Xue Meng's parents—Mo Ran's uncle and aunt. The adults had cooed at him in a way that would normally have him huffing but didn't even faze him that day. He clung to Mo Ran, even knowing that entertaining a kid was probably not the way Mo Ran planned to spend the day. Still, he didn't shoo Chu Wanning, picking him up eventually and carrying him around as he said farewell to his classmates and teachers. Chu Wanning didn't even fuss like he normally would, about being too old to be carried like that—he just buried his head on Mo Ran's shoulder and let himself be dragged around.

Mo Ran's uncle called them for a photo, the three of them plus Chu Wanning in Mo Ran's arms. And then Mo Ran asked for a picture of just the two of them, to which his uncle complied with a warm laugh, but to which Xue Meng took great offense, demanding a photo without Mo Ran too.

And then it was over.

They were going to go to a restaurant, to celebrate with their family, and even though Xue Meng's mom kindly asked if he wanted to tag along, Chu Wanning shook his head. He was getting self-conscious about lingering around for so long, and besides, he hadn't asked for Huaizui's permission beforehand.

Before leaving, Mo Ran pulled him aside, hidden from Xue Meng's prying eyes, while Chu Wanning bravely held back his tears. Mo Ran grabbed a small package from his pocket.

"Here," he said, grinning, as he pushed it into Chu Wanning's hands.

"What is it?" Chu Wanning mumbled, fidgeting with the wrapping.

"A gift. Open it," he urged.

A gift… Chu Wanning didn't even think of getting them anything. He should have, he thought, with a pang of regret.

He undid the wrapping, pulling out a hair tie adorned with a golden butterfly on top.

"I saw this and thought of you," Mo Ran explained. "Your hair is always in a ponytail. I thought you'd look cute wearing this… and then you can always remember your favorite gege when you wear it. What do you think?"

"Hm."

"… Would you like me to put it on you?"

Chu Wanning nodded, not trusting his voice, and turned around as Mo Ran kneeled and undid his ponytail.

"I'm not leaving forever, you know? I will still visit often," Mo Ran said, untangling his hair with his fingers and pulling it all together again. "I'll be back for the Mid-Autumn Festival, for example. I think Shi Mei and Xue Meng will too. We can meet there. Uncle will have the photos of today developed by then and I'll even bring you some copies, what do you think?"

Mo Ran patted his head, signaling that he was done, and reluctantly Chu Wanning turned around.

"It will be just like school break. Just a couple of months and then we'll see each other again! You won't even have time to miss us, xuedi."

Chu Wanning knew that wasn't true.

Even if they met again, it would not be the same, starting from the fact that it would be just once, over months without seeing each other. And what is this "you won't have time to miss us" nonsense? He was already missing Mo Ran right now, while the boy was still standing in front of him!

But Chu Wanning didn't say any of that. He swallowed his tears and nodded.

❀ ❀ ❀

Chu Wanning hadn't realized how much his life stormed out of control in the past few months until one afternoon, while he sat in Mo Ran's office, trying to grade a few essays before he left for the day—and failing because his hair wouldn't stop falling on his face.

Annoyed, he opens drawer after drawer until he finds a rubber band and pulls his hair in a loose ponytail.

It's been ages since his hair has been long enough to tie. But now that he stops to think about it, when was the last time he cut his hair? With Goutou and Mo Ran keeping him distracted, calling for an appointment with his hairdresser didn't even cross his mind. It's no wonder his hair got so long.

"Kitten, you're still here?" Mo Ran asks, turning on the lights as he steps into the office.

Oh, right. It's getting dark outside already.

"We need to grade these before the final exam, and that's already next week." Chu Wanning sighs and puts his pen away, turning to glare at Mo Ran. "Mo-laoshi, if you actually helped me, we'd be done in no time."

Mo Ran stops in his tracks blinking inexpressively at him. Chu Wanning tilts his head in question. At that, Mo Ran starts to walk to him with hurried steps. Chu Wanning waits, parting the pile of papers in half. However, instead of going for the essays, Mo Ran stops right by his chair, spinning it with his feet until they're facing each other.

"What are you doing?" Chu Wanning asks, just as a pair of fingers grab his chin and gently lift his face up.

Mo Ran examines him closely, and Chu Wanning winces at the attention, fighting—and losing—against a blush.

"Do you have a brother?" He finally asks, out of nowhere. "A cousin, perhaps?"

"What? I don't know, I was adopted."

"Oh." Mo Ran deflates. With his other hand, he reaches for Chu Wanning's ponytail, curling a finger around it. "That makes sense, I suppose…"

"What makes sense?"

"I was wondering if maybe… Well, you remind me of--" Mo Ran idly plays with Chu Wanning’s hair as they speak. He gives a tiny tug on the ponytail—it’s nothing rough or remarkably strong, Chu Wanning has no explanation for it, he just knows that he feels that small, sharp pull, and then there's a low whine coming from his lips.

Mo Ran stops talking and they stare at each other in stunned silence.

"Wanning," Mo Ran drawls his name, something between a purr and a growl. His eyes darken and he brushes his thumb over Chu Wanning’s bottom lip. "Go out with me tonight."

"That's…" He starts, disoriented by the abrupt change of subject. "You’re a teacher. It’s inappropriate," he reasons.

"Is that your only objection? That won’t be a problem for long, Wanning." He furrows his eyebrows, his frustration almost palpable. "I’ve been thinking of you ever since that night, you know? I still don’t get why you left. Weren’t we having a good time, kitten?"

"Nonsense," he starts to protest, casting hid eyes down in embarrassment, but then Mo Ran, with his finger firmly pressed against Chu Wanning's lower lip, yanks his face, forcing him to look up again. "Mo Ran!" He gasps.

Mo Ran takes the opening to push his thumb inside Chu Wanning's mouth.

"Mmn. Yes, you should call me by my name more, Wanning," he murmurs, feeling for Chu Wanning's tongue with his salty, calloused finger, while tightening the grip on his hair.

Chu Wanning’s breath grows heavy at the invasion, and he feels a strange, overpowering desire to suck. He fights that humiliating urge the only way he can think of: biting down with all the strength he can summon.

Mo Ran pulls his hands back with a curse. Chu Wanning stands up.

"Mo-laoshi," he levels him with a glare, cleaning the trail of saliva on his lower lip with the back of his hand, "please go back to work."

Mo Ran stares at him, clutching his hand close to his chest, and--

"Fuck. That was hot."

Chu Wanning’s face morphs into incredulity.

He stutters, "shameless--!"

"Wanning," Mo Ran cuts him, still husky and breathless. "Tonight. Go out with me tonight."

Chu Wanning should say no. Indulging himself like this was bound to be a mistake, he was sure of it. He should say no.

"… Fine."

He turns around and walks away, his entire face red, too embarrassed to stay and watch Mo Ran’s reaction.

"I’ll pick you up at 9!" Mo Ran shouts, and a few students lingering in the corridor stop talking to stare at them.

Chu Wanning can only blush an even darker shade of red and walk faster.

❀ ❀ ❀

They agreed on meeting at the entrance of the festival around 19h—"It's a promise, xuedi!" Mo Ran had said, with a grin.

Summer break passed without any incident. Chu Wanning could almost pretend everything was normal. But then the first day of school finally came, and there was just silence when the bus passed by that one familiar stop.

The bus ride seemed to take longer without those three people arguing around him.

On lunch break, he could pretend for a day or two that it was one of those few occasions in which he chose to sit with his classmate. On the second week of this, however, Chu Wanning was dejected, snapping at every little thing in one moment and then tearing up in the next.

But he lived.

Two weeks turned into three, then four, five…

And then, after endless anticipation, the day of the festival arrived.

Chu Wanning wore his best pair of clothes—had, in fact, for the first time in his life, worried about this kind of frivolous stuff, taking all of his shirts from his wardrobe until he decided which one looked better—, the hairband with the golden butterfly that he hadn't taken off ever since he got it, and carried a small present wrapping. He didn't think of getting Mo Ran a gift on his graduation, but he would do it now.

He didn't get Shi Mei or Xue Meng anything, but they didn't get him a present in the first place, he reasoned… The truth was just that he got too busy with Mo Ran's gift and then didn't have time to figure out about the other two.

It was fine, though. He liked to think they would meet more times after this, and then he'd worry about it.

Huaizui was reluctant to let him go to the festival alone, even when Chu Wanning insisted that he was 11 already and could take care of himself just fine. He explained over and over that he would be meeting his friends—he didn't tell which friends. Huaizui didn't like the trio very much even when they still studied in the same school. He would probably disapprove if they kept in touch now that they were in college.

Eventually, Huaizui gave in. He left Chu Wanning at the entrance with a wristwatch and told him at what time he'd be back right at that spot to take him back home.

"There's a phone booth over there if you need to call me. You have money and know my number, right?"

"Yes, yes," Chu Wanning nodded, undoing his seatbelt and jumping out of the car. "Bye!"

He looked at his watch. 18:47. A little earlier than what he and Mo Ran agreed on. But it couldn't be helped. He was too eager and restless to wait at home any longer. And that way, he wouldn't miss a single minute with Mo Ran.

Chu Wanning stood right at the entrance, facing the parking lot.

18:55.

Everyone had been commenting lately about how tall he got during school break. Would Mo Ran notice it?

19:02.

He glanced around eagerly but Mo Ran was still nowhere in sight. Chu Wanning rolled his eyes. It was not like Mo Ran was ever punctual.

Five minutes passed. Ten. Fifteen.

"Mo Ran is a little late" turned into "Mo Ran is late" which turned into "Mo Ran is very late".

19:41.

Ahhh. He rubbed his arms with his hands. It was starting to get cold and he forgot his coat in Huaizui's car. If Mo Ran didn't get there any time soon, Chu Wanning would give him the cold shoulder and maybe make Mo Ran buy a few mooncakes for him before he decided to speak.

19:53.

Speaking of mooncakes, he was getting hungry too…

Chu Wanning glanced at the festival wistfully. There were probably tons of food stalls in there. He could get something to eat and then come back to wait…

But there were already lots of people at the festival. If Mo Ran got here while he was in there and decided to go inside too, then they would miss each other. And there'd be no way of finding each other inside, amidst that sea of people… So Chu Wanning decided to wait a little more.

By the time his watch showed 20:32, Chu Wanning sat on the pavement, hugging his knees and hiding his face in his arms. He was not crying—not yet, at least—but he got tired of being stared at by everyone that walked by. And yes, maybe he was, indeed, sniffling a little.

It was almost 21h. Soon, Huaizui would pick him up and there had been no sign of Mo Ran…

And then.

"--Sini! Xuedi!" Mo Ran shouted.

Chu Wanning snapped his head up, searching around until he found Mo Ran, running up to him--

Coming from the festival, and not the other way around.

Chu Wanning stood, on sore and shaky legs, and frowned slightly. Mo Ran stopped in front of him, panting. He carried a bitten mooncake in his hand, which caused Chu Wanning’s frown to deepen. When did Mo Ran even have time to buy that if he just arrived…?

"Xuedi, fuck, fuck, I’m sorry. I got here with Mengmeng and Shi Mei, but then Shi Mei got sick and Xue Meng had to take him home, and I was waiting but then I met Rong Jiu and got distracted--"

Oh.

Mo Ran had been there this whole time? While… Chu Wanning waited for him, Mo Ran had been inside with his friends?

Oh.

Blood rushed to his face and Chu Wanning felt himself run hot, not in the usual embarrassed way, or even in that kind of adrenaline induced excitement. He was angry.

"If you didn’t want to meet, you just had to say it," Chu Wanning said, barely above a whisper.

"What? No, no, didn’t you hear me? It’s just that I lost track of time, really, I am so sorry! Here, let’s get inside now and gege will--"

It would have been heartbreaking, if Mo Ran had said, back in his graduation, that he didn’t want to keep in touch. Or, even today, if he came just to tell Chu Wanning off, saying he had other plans and couldn’t stay long. It would have been heartbreaking and Chu Wanning would have cried himself to sleep, but he could have accepted that.

But this-- This was so dismissive and-- cruel, it was cruel. And he never expected cruelty from Mo Ran.

Chu Wanning shook his head.

"No."

"No?"

Mo Ran stared at him at a loss. Chu Wanning shook his head again.

"Mo Ran… it’s very cold tonight. And I got hungry too but I kept waiting because you promised…"

"Ah, ah, don’t cry," Mo Ran said, panicked. "Mo Ran gege is sorry, truly sorry, xuedi, so please--"

Chu Wanning clenched his fists and then was reminded of the present in hi hand.

Mo Ran had always commented on Chu Wanning’s handkerchiefs, with his initials stitched on each one of them, about how pretty and fancy they looked. Chu Wanning thought that maybe the older boy would enjoy having one for himself. He spent so many nights up late because of this, and his fingers still hurt from all the times he accidentally prickled himself with the needle--

And Mo Ran hadn’t even remembered that he told him to wait here--

It was just that he wasn't really as important and cherished as he assumed, Chu Wanning realized.

That was a difficult realization to have. Because despite Chu Wanning telling himself time and time again that he knew Mo Ran didn't like him as much as Chu Wanning liked him, Mo Ran often challenged that notion. So much that Chu Wanning, the fool, started believing that he was as special as Mo Ran made it seem.

He was not.

Being angry at Mo Ran was of no use. This was his own fault for assuming wrong.

Chu Wanning tossed the gift on the ground, and when Mo Ran kneeled to catch it, he turned around and ran. Mo Ran cursed and went after him, but Chu Wanning kept running, pushing a way through the waves of people heading to the festival. At some point he pulled the butterfly hairband off his hair and tossed it away, and kept running—until he no longer could hear Mo Ran calling his name; until he had no idea where he was, in some unknown street, panting and sobbing.

❀ ❀ ❀

Chu Wanning doesn't know why he's thinking about that today. Even when he's at his most nostalgic, he never revisits that day, at least if he can help it.

Regret settled on stomach the very next morning, when he was hit by the thought that he would probably not see Mo Ran again, and it turned into a gnawing, ugly thing when, a couple of weeks later, Huazui accepted a promotion that got them moving back to Linyi and that flimsy "probably" turned into a "surely".

He wished to apologize—for overreacting, for demanding too much. Mostly he just wished that he took Mo Ran’s offer to get inside the festival and enjoy together what little time Chu Wanning still had before Huaizui got there.

Or at least that he didn’t threw his hairband away. He didn’t keep anything back from that time, not a single memento, anything more tangible than his memories alone.

Well, now he had Mo Ran’s number on his phone, assorted sticky notes in his messy calligraphy stored in his drawer, and the shirt that Chu Wanning still didn’t get around to giving back—that slowly turned into his new favorite pajama.

He doesn't know why he's reminiscing about it anyway. Maybe it's because once again he waits for Mo Ran, restless and anxious. Goutou cuddles with him, as he always does when Chu Wanning get into those gloomy moods, and it helps, even if he's still jittery.

Tonight, Mo Ran shows up in time, though. It's only as Chu Wanning sits in his car and fastens the seatbelt that the knot on his stomach starts to come undone, and the tension on his shoulders slowly dissipates.

Mo Ran is more charming than ever all throughout their… date. It is unequivocally a date, Mo Ran made sure to repeat it over and over on the drive to the restaurant, and once they get there, he doesn’t let Chu Wanning forget it even for one second, plastered at his side on the loveseat they sit at, shamelessly caressing his hand on every opportunity, trying to spoonfeed him—succeeding at spoonfeed him, after enough coaxing and teasing. Mo Ran would have him sitting on his lap too, if Chu Wanning hadn't grabbed the wooden table as if his life depended on it and screeched, "Mo Ran!", kicking him off while the older man tried to pull him.

Chu Wanning has never been on a date before, and will probably never be on any other, but he feels confident in assessing that this is a good one. The best, even. He thinks… He thinks that he could’ve fallen for Mo Ran tonight if being in love with Mo Ran had not already been part of his identity—taken new shapes and dimensions recently, yes, but always ever-present.

Mo Ran pays for their food, despite all of Chu Wanning’s protests, and gently walks him with a hand on his lower back, too low, to the point it would be more accurate to say his hand is on Chu Wanning's ass instead of his back. And Chu Wanning, hissy as he may be, doesn't take it away, because deep down he's just as shameless, if not more, as Mo Ran. 

They’re not even out of the restaurant the moment Mo Ran brushes his lips on Chu Wanning’s ear, whispering, "how about we continue our night at my place?"

Chu Wanning still doesn’t know what all of this means. He knows Mo Ran is attracted to him, can’t pretend otherwise anymore. But how far does that interest go? Is it a one-night stand situation? Chu Wanning doesn’t know. But he finds himself wanting to say yes. Let next morning Chu Wanning figure this out.

And then.

"A-Ran?"

Mo Ran straightens up, turning around, and Chu Wanning peeks at the stranger calling them.

Coming from the restroom, is a man, around Mo Ran’s age. His long hair is pulled up in a bun and, oh, Chu Wanning knows those peach-blossom eyes.

"Shi Mei!" Mo Ran exclaims, pulling Chu Wanning closer to his friend.

"A-Ran, long time no see. What are you doing in the city?"

"Work. Didn't Xue Meng tell you?"

"Ah. College classes, right? He did."

"Yep. What are you doing here?"

"Just a work conference. Jiang Xi couldn't be bothered to come, so it was up to me to be the hospital's representative." He covers his mouth as he gives a giggle, in a way that looks lighthearted, but if you know him you can tell he's thinking of a few impolite words.

Chu Wanning laughs before he can help himself, and quickly tries to hide it with a cough. Apparently Shi Mei is still just the same too, at least in the ways that matter. He wonder if Xue Meng is the same too?

Shi Mei's eyes turn to him, finally noticing his presence, and he tilts his head, assessing.

"Ah, right!" Mo Ran says. "Shi Mei, this is--"

"Chu Wanning?" Shi Mei exclaims, in a mix of surprise and delight.

"Shi Mingjing," he greets, tentatively, not daring to use that nickname. He didn't expect Shi Mei to remember him, even less so after Mo Ran failed to remember him.

It makes him happy, very much so.

"You know each other?" Mo Ran asks, intrigued.

"What?" Shi Mei looks at him like he can't decide if his friend said something confusing or straight up stupid, until he visibly settles on stupid. "Mo Ran, we might've not been as close, but of course I remember the kid I saw every single day during all of high school."

"We went to the same school?" Mo Ran gasps. Chu Wanning can feel his eyes on him.

Damn. That's not a conversation he wanted to have. It's humiliating the way Mo Ran doesn't remember him, even having it pointed out. Chu Wanning would rather let this go and never talk about it again.

Shi Mei, on the other hand, is having none of it.

"You're telling me you don't remember your precious xuedi, is that it?"

"Ah, you mean Xia Sini?"

"Of fucking course I mean Xia Sini."

Chu Wanning holds his breath. So-- Mo Ran does remember him, then why--?

"That's…" Mo Ran starts, sounding a little strangled. "That's Xia Sini. And this is Chu Wanning."

Oh god. Finally, finally Chu Wanning starts to understand.

"Xia Sini," Shi Mei says, in a measured tone, "the obviously fake name that the 7 years old kid told you as a prank. That kid. Chu Wanning."

It can't be-- Really that would be so stupid, it can't be.

Mo Ran makes a funny face as he takes in Shi Mei's words, and Chu Wanning realizes that not only can it be, but it indeed is. Oh my god.

"You're quite hard to track down, you know that?" Shi Mei asked with an amused chuckle, ignoring Mo Ran while he opens and closes his mouth several times. "I have only recently come across some of your papers. Made me so proud to see how far that little xuedi has come."

"I-- Um, thank you," he mumbles. "You mentioned a hospital. Did you become a doctor?"

Shi Mei nods, still smiling.

Oh, that made sense, with all that constant studying and Shi Mei's passion for gore and morbid stuff.

"We should keep in touch," Shi Mei suggests. "You can tell me your number or--"

"We have to go now, actually," Mo Ran announces, waking up from his trance. "Bye, Shi Mei!"

"I'll get your number with Mo Ran," Chu Wanning shouts as he is dragged out of the restaurant. Shi Mei just smiles and wave.

"The fuck you will," Mo Ran grumbles, slamming the door behind them.

"What?" He asks, but Mo Ran doesn't answer and just keep pulling him by his arm—in a direction opposite to where he parked his car. "Mo Ran, where are we going?"

Still no answer.

He ends up cornered against the wall in the alleyway between the restaurant and the building next to it. Mo Ran rests his hands on each side Chu Wanning's head, and stares intently at his face.

"Mo Ran…?"

"Chu Wanning."

"Yes?"

Mo Ran narrows his eyes and takes a deep breath, "Xia Sini?"

"… Yes?"

"Xuedi."

Chu Wanning huffs. "Yes, Mo Ran?"

"It's you!"

Chu Wanning laughs at that. "Of course, it's me."

Mo Ran shakes his head, a deep crease on his forehead. "Why-- Wanning, why didn't you say anything?"

"What could I have said?"

"I don't know! "It's me, your xuedi, you dumbfuck." Anything. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's just. I thought you didn't remember me," Chu Wanning admits. He can say that and laugh, now that he knows it's not true.

Mo Ran makes an offended noise. 

"Didn't remember you?! Wanning, I do! I was just being the stupidest guy on Earth, for fucks sake. How could I not remember you?"

"I was just… an annoying little kid… It would've been understandable if you'd forgotten…"

"Xuedi!" Mo Ran interrupts him, frustrated, and raises hand, stopping him. "Look. Understandable, he says," Mo Ran grunts, as if Chu Wanning was being unreasonable, and picks his wallet from his pocket. "Look," he repeats, and opens his wallet, turning it so Chu Wanning can see--

There, old and in terrible shape, is a picture. The one Mo Ran's uncle took of just the two of them at Mo Ran's graduation.

Chu Wanning blinks through his astonishment.

He remembers that day. He remember being on the verge of tears, so close to collapsing that he barely uttered a word during the whole thing. Later, he regretted it, afraid of how cold and indifferent he'd seemed when the truth was that he was feeling so much.

But the picture shows something else. The tiny him in the photograph is visibly on the verge of tears, wearing a huge frown and his lips in a pout, hugging Mo Ran tightly. And Mo Ran smiles, brightly, hugging him too.

Oh.

He's glad. He didn't want Mo Ran thinking that he didn't care.

And Mo Ran kept this. No, not only kept it, but carried it with him all this time.

Chu Wanning is happy, so genuinely happy like he's never felt before, giddy in all this joy, unable to contain the wide smile that takes over his lips. He looks up… 

… and finds Mo Ran crying.

"It's you!" Mo Ran says again, and hugs him, burying his face in Chu Wanning's shoulder—still crying, Chu Wanning notices, in horror.

"Why are you crying? It's just me!"

"It's you!" Mo Ran repeats. "I can't believe-- I never thought I'd see you again--! Xuedi!"

"You've been seeing me for months," Chu Wanning says, dumbstruck.

"Wanning, let me have my moment," he groans. "God. I swore that when I saw you again the first thing I'd do was apologize. I was a jerk the last time we met…"

"No," Chu Wanning shakes his head and hesitantly takes his hand to headpat Mo Ran. He doesn't know what to do when people cry in front of him—or on him, as of now. Being comforting is not in his nature. Still he tries. "It's alright. I've long forgiven you."

"No," Mo Ran shakes his head, smearing what is hopefully just tears on his blouse, "I was awful. God, and all this time you thought I didn't even remember you again. You shouldn't even be talking to me. You should've, I don't know, shownled me your middle finger and maybe punched me, that's the least I deserve for--"

"Mo Ran," Chu Wanning tries again, "it's really fine."

"'s'not," he mutters. "I looked-- Sniff. I looked for you after that, you know? Was almost reported for lurking around the school gate but I found those two friends of yours, and then the little one wouldn't stop crying when I asked for you. And the other one told me-- fuck, she… she did call you, what was it? Ningning? I thought that was the random nickname, not Xia Sini. Fuck."

Chu Wanning giggles. He's happy, happy, happy.

And Mo Ran won't stop crying.

"Xuedi, it's really you," he sobs again.

Chu Wanning is getting tired of this already.

"Mo Ran…" He tries again. Another sob. Chu Wanning sighs. He decides to try something else. "… Gege."

He feels the moment Mo Ran stills. Chu Wanning expects Mo Ran to cheer up and gush in the same way he always did when he got Chu Wanning to call him gege back then. However, when Mo Ran pulls away to look at him, with fresh tears still on his cheeks, it's not amusement that Chu Wanning sees in his eyes, no.

"Wanning," he whispers, eyes dark and hungry. "Call me gege again."

Chu Wanning stares with his mouth open, aghast. Unbelievable. Impossible, incorrigible, truly shameless!

…

…

"M-Mo Ran gege…"

Mo Ran groans and kisses him. Chu Wanning responds with equal enthusiasm.

For a brief moment, he wondered if this would be gone after that reveal. It's a relief to know Mo Ran's desire hasn't wavered. If anything, it seemed to have increased.

Well, Chu Wanning certainly didn't mind it.

Mo Ran grabs his waist, pulls his hair, bite and lick him wih such vigor that Chu Wanning struggles to keep up. But he's stubborn. He pulls Mo Ran by his collar and lets his hand wander to his arms, chest, hips and--

"Ah, ah, Wanning," Mo Ran moans, moving to lick his ear.

Chu Wanning grips Mo Ran's erection over his trousers, drunk on his exhilaration. Mo Ran groans, bites and sucks his neck, and shifts his hips, grinding on Chu Wanning's palm. It feels like a fever dream, hot and hazy. But it's real. Mo Ran's moans on his ears and his hair in his fingers; his perfume surrounding Chu Wanning and, shit, his cock under his palm—all of that is real.

And then Mo Ran growls and sink his teeth on Chu Wanning's neck. Chu Wanning winces, in something that is not entirely pain, curling his fingers in response and then, after a beat, feels the fabric of Mo Ran's pants growing suspiciously hot and wet.

He takes a shaky breath. "Mo Ran, did you…?"

Mo Ran whines, "I'm… not usually this quick. Ever. It's been an intense day and-- Wanning!" He pulls back to glare at Chu Wanning when the latter starts laughing. His cheeks red, either from the orgasm abd the humiliation, and his eyes equally red, from all that crying, pouting and looking all offended…

Chu Wanning loves him. Truly and mostly.

He stands on his tiptoes to give Mo Ran a tiny peck on the lips and then smiles and says, "hi."

Mo Ran melts, a pleased smile taking over his lips, and answers, "hi."

(They did not continue their night at Mo Ran's place, by the way.

"Goutou's never spent the night alone," he explained to a sulking Mo Ran.

So this is how the night ends: Chu Wanning and Mo Ran lying on each far end of the bed, with Goutou sprawled between them.

And everything is perfect.

… Well, Mo Ran might have a thing or two to say about the sleeping arrangements, but other than that, yeah. It is perfect.)