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Tony was a genius, like had an unhealthy amount of PhDs to his name genius, so the fact that he couldn’t figure this out was getting on his last nerve.
On one hand, if Steve hadn’t told him outright, then maybe he wasn’t meant to know, or maybe it was too dangerous for him to know. But he’s Iron Man, so that argument was sort of moot.
On the other hand, maybe Steve thought he was being obvious, and that he didn’t need to outright tell Tony, because, after all, he was a genius, and Tony would be able to figure it out.
It was driving him up the wall.
It was getting to the point where he was resembling that meme that Peter had shown him once, of that deranged-looking man with a conspiracy theory board behind him. Except his “conspiracy board” was a hologram, complete with clues and dates, all pointing to one thing.
Steve was part seal.
It was getting to the point where he was pretty sure even Jarvis thought he was losing it, if the slight pause when he asked him to bring up the holographic board was anything to go by.
His main argument was that Steve was unnecessarily obsessed with water. That might not sound like much to go off of, but it was definitely a strange level of addiction, and considering Tony knows Michael Phelps, that was saying something. He’s also pretty sure he’s seen Steve dump bucket loads of salt into the water bottle he takes on his run more than once, and no human would survive drinking that level of salt water.
His final proof was that he saw a seal in the bathtub once, when he walked past, and the door was slightly ajar. There’s no video evidence of it, but since Steve has his own override code, that’s not a reason to discredit the evidence.
Whether Tony’s eyes could be trusted after 46 hours of no sleep and way too much caffeine however, is an entirely different matter.
But today, Tony was determined. He was going to ask Steve outright and Steve was going to answer and Tony could finally rest.
Or at the very least, prove to Jarvis that he wasn't crazy.
They had deserved a break for a while, honestly. Between Tony having SI, being Iron Man and Captain America, and Steve training a new squad at S.H.I.E.L.D they were barely at home, let alone able to spend time together.
So Tony had all but threatened Fury to give Steve time off, and had coordinated with Pepper to allow him the entire week off. She had even promised to only contact him if it was a genuine emergency.
They were going to spend the week on Tony's private island and Steve was going to reveal his secret. The plan was basically foolproof.
Right now, he was just making breakfast. Considering Steve's enhanced metabolism, he needed upwards of 8,000 calories a day, so it made sense to have a meal before they set off.
"Tony? Are you feeling okay?" Steve asked sleepily, walking into the kitchen.
Tony jumped, pulled out of his thoughts before turning to Steve. He took a moment just to admire his boyfriend; nine times out of ten, Steve usually went for a run and showered before Tony even made it out of bed, or on some days out of the lab.
Because of it, Tony rarely got to enjoy the Sleepy Steve™ look, which was a shame really. Tony could stare at Sleepy Steve™ - complete with the mused hair - for days.
"Tony? Sweetheart?" Steve asked, this time closer and looking a lot more concerned, and Tony is brought out of his pointless thoughts.
"I'm fine, Steve," Tony reassures him, plating up the pancakes and bacon.
"You sure?"
"Positive. Now, sit and eat. I have something I want to tell you."
"See, when you say that, I immediately worry," Steve teases, but sits down anyway. He proceeds to drown his pancakes in syrup, while Tony watches in fond amusement, and a little bit of disgust.
"You want some pancakes with your syrup?" Tony asks, and Steve just smiles sheepishly.
"Okay, in my defence, sugar was expensive when I was younger. And it wasn't like I could have loads of it anyway, you know considering I had almost every illness under the sun. Now what was it you wanted to tell me?"
"Okay fine, I'll let it go. We're going on holiday. No work, no emergencies, just the two of us."
"Tony, I would love to, but we've both got so much to do-"
"Nuh uh, I cleared it with Fury, which was not easy, lemme tell you that, and I convinced Pepper, which was just as hard, so we are goi-"
"Hey, don't worry. As long as the world doesn't somehow implode while we're gone, I'm 100% okay with taking a break."
"Yeah? No contact with the outside world?"
"You, Tony Stark, is willing to have no contact with the outside world?" Steve asks amusedly.
"Yeah. I miss you. I know we see each other every day, but I want to spend time together purposely, does that make sense?"
Steve visibly softens. "Yeah. I get what you mean."
And that was that.
They fly out to an obscure island and Tony bought and then built a mansion on on a whim within the hour, and are relaxing on the beach not too long after that.
"You need to put on sunscreen, Tony," Steve calls out, rooting through the very little they packed. As Tony argued, it was his island, meaning his rules, so if Steve had very little to wear, that was nobody's business but their own. "You'll burn otherwise."
"Sunscreen can eat a dick," Tony retorts, mostly because he's tired. The sun always makes him sleepy; it's why he doesn't have windows in the lab. It's very hard to tell how long you've been up for when you have nothing to mark the days.
"Turn over sweetheart." Steve gently massages the sunscreen into Tony's back, leaving a trail of kisses as he goes. It's more rejuvenating than the sun itself, and Tony remembers why he organised the trip in the first place.
"So, I don't plan on moving from this deck chair for the next four hours minimum, so what are you going to do? Are you going to have a swim in the ocean? Recharge that way?" Tony says in what he hopes is a nonchalant tone, but honestly, probably isn't.
Steve hides a smirk. "I wondered how long it would take for you to break."
Tony's eyebrows scruch up, in Steve's opinion, adorably. "How long- What?!"
"You're not going crazy, Tones. I am literally part seal."
"So… So I'm not going crazy? The crazy salty water, the missing footage, the seal I definitely saw in our bathtub?"
"All real," Steve confirms, pulling Tony into a hug. "I knew it was messing with your head, so I wanted to see how long you'd last without straight up asking me if I didn't tell you."
"Oh my god, someone call Fox News, Steve Rogers is actually a massive troll."
"Is it okay though? Me being part seal?" Steve looks away and out to the ocean, but not before Tony sees the vulnerability in his eyes.
"Of course. As long as you don't I dunno, think something ridiculous, like organic chemistry is the best specialty in science, we're good. I got your back," Tony says, leaning into kiss Steve, which he gladly returns.
"Thank you for being so calm about this."
"Are you kidding me? I'm just happy I can say I told you so to Jarvis. I'm pretty sure he has been judging me this entire time."
"That's because I asked him to," Steve says smugly, and Tony gasps dramatically. "I also asked Peter to try and throw you off."
"Wow, betrayed by my own creation and my intern. I am so hurt. But go, swim in the ocean. I haven't noticed any missing footage recently, or a suspicious amount of salt missing from our kitchen, so I'm assuming you haven't had a salt bath recently."
"Yeah, things have been so hectic…"
"Go. Just promise you won't bring back a live fish or something."
"I mean, I can if you want me to," Steve raises an eyebrow, and Tony smacks him lightly on the chest, and they fall apart, laughing. "Okay, okay, I'm going. Love you, sweetheart."
"Love you too, honey."