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“You too, can be a hero!” All Might beamed down at him. Izuku knew he was dreaming, but hopeful excitement zipped through his little body anyways. “In fact, all you need to do is open your window, stupid Deku!”
Izuku froze. Deku. All Might would never be so mean and call him that. What-
“I mean it, let me in already!”
It took Izuku a second to adjust to the dimness of his moonlit bedroom, and even longer to realize that there was a Kacchan shaped shadow darkening his curtains. Kicking off his comforter, the seven year old hurried to open up his window.
“About time,” Kacchan growled, kicking him as he clambered in. “You really aren’t good for anything are you?”
The usual insult stung like it always did. But Izuku was caught off guard by the way Kacchan’s voice had trembled a little when he spoke. It almost looked like the other boy was shaking. Well, it was pretty cold outside. He grabbed the softest blanket off of his head and held it out.
“Why’re you here, Kacchan?”
The blonde ignored the extended blanket, instead choosing to scoff and roll his eyes. “Didn’t want to be at my house.” He kicked at the ground. “Don’t ask why, or I’ll blast your dumb face off.”
Izuku frowned. “Why’re you being so mean, Kacchan? It’s just us right now.”
They weren’t exactly friends. He knew that. But Mrs. Bakugo still dropped him off most weekends and Kacchan was usually nicer when it was just the two of them. Definitely when Mom was around.
“Do you-” Izuku squinted. “Is your cheek bruised?”
Stiffening, Kacchan turned his face away. “Of course it isn’t! It’s just a stupid shadow. Quit looking at my face.”
A spark of irritation flared over the concern that had crept into his chest. This was his room. It was the middle of the night. He had been in the middle of his favorite dream. Izuku had no idea what was going on, or what he should do.
“I’m going to go get my mom-”
“No!” Kacchan grabbed his arm. Tiny explosions popped across his skin. There was no mistaking the panic in those red eyes. Or the dark bruise blooming across his cheekbone.
“Okay.” Izuku’s heart leapt like a startled rabbit. “Okay. But, but Kacchan I don’t know what else to do.”
Someone had clearly hurt his friend. And as crazy as it sounded, Izuku was pretty sure that Kacchan- brave, fearless Kacchan with his incredible quirk that Izuku tried and tried not to envy- was scared. This was not how things were supposed to be. Izuku was the scaredy-cat. The crybaby. The Deku. They couldn’t both be scared.
Izuku paused. They couldn’t both be scared.
He’d have to be brave for Kacchan’s sake. He could do that.
“I got a new All Might manga. You wanna read it with me?”
The grip on his arm loosened, then fell away.
“Tch. I’ve probably read it already. But sure, whatever.”
“Get in bed, I’ll go grab it.”
Kacchan hesitated.
Tilting his head, Izuku tried to puzzle out the problem. They always shared his bed when Kacchan slept over, so that couldn’t be it. Hmm. Oh!
“I have some pajamas you can borrow. If you want a bath-”
“Don’t need a bath. But, uh,” he glared at the floor, “pajamas would be nice. Mine’re kinda dirty.”
Izuku didn’t try to figure out why Kacchan’s pajamas would be dirty. Whatever had happened that lead to him coming here wasn’t any of his business. Even though he definitely wanted to know who had hurt Kacchan. His parents would want to know, they’d worry if Kacchan didn’t tell them, the same way his mom worried when he dodged her questions about his latest scrapes. Although, Izuku winced, those did usually come from Kacchan. But his mom didn’t need to know about that. He wasn’t sure if she’d still let him spend the weekends with them if she knew the truth. And he didn’t want to lose that.
Kacchan ordered him not to look while he changed. Honestly, if he hadn’t said anything, Izuku wouldn’t have. Instead, the sharp warning lead to him sneaking a peek while he grabbed the manga.
What he saw made his heart begin to thump wildly.
No. He forced himself to look back at the bookshelf. Stared hard, straight ahead, until the tears that threatened to spill over retreated. He had to brave.
When he heard his bed creak softly as Kacchan climbed in, he pulled a volume off the shelf and headed over.
Kacchan gave him a weird look as he got into bed. Why? Had he noticed Izuku peeking? He shouldn’t have looked, it was so much harder not to ask questions now, and he really wanted to get his mom or maybe go to the bathroom and grab the first aid kit-
“Oi, nerd.”
Blinking, Izuku clapped his hand to his mouth. He hadn’t said all that out loud had he?
“Don’t mutter to yourself, it’s creepy.” Kacchan jutted his chin towards the manga. “You got the wrong one.”
“Oh! Sorry.” His face burned. For once, Kacchan settled on scoffing instead of needling him more.
The blonde snatched the volume out of his hands when he returned with the correct copy. “I want to read it,” he grumbled. “You stumble over the kanji too much, it’s annoying.”
Both boys ducked under his All Might comforter. The printed blue fabric draped over them, a makeshift tent that peaked at their inclined heads. Kacchan tugged on the open end so that the entire blanket encompassed them. Soft, wash worn edges brushed against their rough, scabby knees. When Izuku clicked on his flashlight, they both winced at the light.
He felt safer now. This was familiar. Sitting criss-cross with their shins touching, he could pretend it was a Saturday night and Mom’d put them to bed, but they were both too hyped up by the latest episode of the All Might anime to sleep.
Except…except he’d never seen those marks on Kacchan at bathtime before. Flashes of angry red welts and deep purple bruising cut across his mind. Whimpering, he shook his head a little and tried to focus on the story.
The newest volume was a pretty great one, even though All Might didn’t singlehandedly save the day like he usually did. The villain taunted him as she was cuffed, saying, “And they call you the Number One? You’re so weak, you couldn’t even defeat me on your own!”
All Might merely smiled. “No, I was strong enough to accept to help from my trusty sidekick, Sir Nighteye!” He said some more stuff about the importance of good friends. It was a little preachier than normal, but they always made a big deal about teamwork on the rare occasions that All Might’s victories were a group effort.
Some people, like Kacchan, didn’t think All Might needed a sidekick.
The blonde wrinkled his nose at the ending. “He’s totally strong enough to take a weakling like her on his own. They always have to come up with some stupid handicap for him to make Sir Nighteye useful. Lame.”
Izuku didn’t exactly disagree, but he argued anyways. “Well, I don’t know. Having Sir Nighteye around only makes All Might stronger, right?”
Kacchan snorted. “Nope. That’s just what they want us to think. That sidekick just makes him weaker.”
“How?” Now Izuku disagreed.
“Look, Sir Nighteye is way weaker than All Might right?”
Izuku nodded cautiously.
“So if he’s there, he’s just holding All Might back, because now All Might has to protect him too.”
“I don’t know…Sir Nighteye isn’t useless.”
The blonde rolled his eyes. “Yeah, he’s not totally useless. But he’s not only helpful either. So it adds up to less.”
Adds up to less? Things couldn’t add up to less, that was backwards. That was subtraction.
Groaning at the clear confusion on his face, Kacchan set the volume down. “Picture a scale dummy. The good things about him don’t outweigh the bad things. Adds up to less.”
“But they don’t,” Izuku protested. “If All Might gets hurt and needs backup, how is he better off alone than with Sir Nighteye?” Before Kacchan could respond, Izuku skipped ahead to another, more pressing question. “When you’re a pro hero, are you not going to have sidekicks?”
He didn’t have a quirk of his own, but Izuku was still planning on becoming a hero. He probably wouldn’t be strong enough to go solo, but he’d easily make a great assist hero. Obviously, he’d want to be All Might’s sidekick, but Kacchan wasn’t a bad second option.
“Yeah, I’ll have sidekicks.” Kacchan smirked. “To boss ‘em around.”
Maybe he didn’t want to be Kacchan’s sidekick.
“I’m going to be the greatest hero, though. I won’t need any sidekicks, just like All Might doesn’t need Sir Lame-eye. Whatever anyone throws at me, I’ll be able to take it.” He jutted his chin out. Then his eyes flicked down, and he bit his lip. “When I’m a hero, nobody will be able to hurt me.”
Kacchan abruptly clicked the flashlight off, but it was too late. Izuku had already registered the bruise on his cheek again, been reminded that this wasn’t a typical Saturday night.
“Who’s hurting you now, Kacchan?”
The blonde tugged the blanket down, separated them. “I’m tired. Let’s go to bed now.”
That wasn’t an answer. Izuku’s heart pounded as he set the volume and flashlight on his nightstand. He had two options now. Go back to pretending, or risk Kacchan’s wrath and press him for answers.
The other boy’s back was to him when Izuku slipped underneath the covers. The question hovered in the back of his throat, but his mouth was too dry for it to slip out.
Annoyance spilled off of Kacchan in waves.
He just wanted to help. Why was Kacchan always so angry with him for trying to help?
“You came over to my house,” Izuku mumbled.
“Yeah, well, maybe I shouldn’t have.” He sat up. “Yeah, maybe I’ll just leave.”
Panic overwhelmed Izuku. “No! You can’t go!”
“And why not?” Kacchan snarled.
“Because…because,” he floundered about for a reason. “Because you can’t go home!” He’d said that earlier, hadn’t he? That he didn’t want to be at his house? “Where else are you going to go? There’s nowhere else.”
Izuku kept rambling, desperate to convince Kacchan to stay. Something about him leaving just scared Izuku more than he knew how to handle without crying. He swiped the back of his hand across his face, tried to get rid of the tears before they pissed Kacchan off too much.
“Just stay, please? Please, please-”
A loud sniff cut through his blubbering. Izuku froze. Kacchan had started crying and he hadn’t even noticed.
“K-kacchan?” He really wanted to get his mom now. “Kacchan, what’s wrong?”
Kacchan shook his head, scooted back until he hit the wall and winced, arched away. “Stop,” he ground out, tears streaming down his face. “Stop looking at me like that. I’m not weak. I’m not!”
Weakness hadn’t even crossed Izuku’s mind. Sometimes Kacchan made no sense. Why would he think-
“I don’t even care that she hits me, okay?”
His thoughts ground to a halt. “What?”
And then, everything clicked.
“Your mom hits you?”
“Your mom doesn’t?”
Izuku shook his head slowly. “No…”
She didn’t even spank him- she just sent him to his room or, worse, took away computer time for the day.
Izuku’s mom would never hurt him. Not intentionally.
She cut his apple slices into rabbits. Every time he successfully rescued her in his favorite All Might onesie, she’d tickle him breathless. Mom kissed every scrape. Whenever he was missing Dad, she made him katsudon just the way Dad did when he was home.
She was his mom.
“Kacchan-”
“Of course she doesn’t. All you dumb mom does is hug you and smile at you and all that gross stuff.” Kacchan drew himself into a ball, tucked his nose between his knees. “Whatever. You wouldn’t understand.”
“She shouldn’t be hitting you,” Izuku said, as firmly as his shaky voice allowed. “That’s…that’s not okay, Kacchan.”
“I already said, I don’t care that she hits me. I’m not weak. I can take it.”
“This isn’t about you being weak, Kacchan, it’s-”
“Look, she always says she’s sorry, okay? And she means it. I know she means it. Sometimes she even cries when she says it. But she never- she never-” Kacchan hiccuped. “She never hugs me.” The whispered words cracked. “I just- I don’t even know why.”
His body moved before he could think.
“What’re you-” Kacchan struggled slightly. “Why’re you hugging me?”
“I don’t know.” He squeezed his eyes shut, but the tears overflowed. “I’m sorry. But I’m not letting go. You can’t stop me, Kacchan!”
He huffed. The warm air tickled Izuku’s ear.
“Stupid nerd.”
“I mean it.” No matter what, Izuku decided right then and there, he would never be stopped. Not when his friend needed him.
Kacchan snorted. “Yeah? You don’t even have a quirk, dummy. I can protect myself.”
He tightened his hold, enough to make Kacchan squeak a little in protest. Izuku remembered the wounds he’d seen earlier and he loosened his grip.
“I don’t need a quirk to help people.” That’s what his mom always said.
“Well, whatever.” The blonde sighed. “Just…just promise not to tell anyone, okay?”
Izuku frowned. “But Kacchan, I don’t think-”
“Promise me, De-” He cut himself off, put his hands on Izuku’s arms and pushed him far enough away to make eye contact. “Promise me, Izuku.” That unwavering, relentless determination in his crimson red eyes denied Izuku any hope for arguing.
Gulping, he nodded. “Okay. Okay, I promise.” His stomach twisted.
An intense vulnerability briefly softened Kacchan’s scarlet eyes before he glanced away again.
“Thank you.”
The bedroom light snapped on.
“Izuku? What’re you doing up?” Worry tinged his mom’s voice. “Is Ka-”
“Katsuki!”
In an instant, Kacchan shoved him away.
Mrs. Bakugo stood over them, eyes blazing with fury. Fear flooded Izuku. His mom never looked at him like that.
She grabbed Kacchan’s arm, practically yanked him out of the bed. He wanted, needed to do something. But he was too scared. All he could see was the backlit silhouette of skin darker from bruises than shadows, all he could hear were the cracks in Kacchan’s voice, all he could feel was the way Kacchan had stiffened in his arms. All Izuku could do was nothing.
He wasn’t brave enough.
“I cannot believe you! Running away, disrupting the Midoryias at this time of night! Apologize, now.”
“Oh, Mitsuki, it’s okay,” his mom stammered. “I’d rather him be here than out in the streets.”
Mrs. Bakugo flushed. “Of course, but the brat shouldn’t have run away to begin with. I was worried.” Her grip on his arm tightened, her knuckles whitening. “Apologize.”
Kacchan stared at the floor. Ash blonde hair and shadows obscured his face. “‘M sorry,” he muttered.
“Oh, real sincere.” Scoffing, Mrs. Bakugo turned to Izuku’s mom and bowed slightly. “I’m truly sorry for this Inko. Thank you for picking up my call. We’ll be leaving now.”
His mom followed them out. Izuku trembled in his bed.
There were little drops scattered across the floor. Tears. Kacchan’s. He’d been right there, crying again, and Izuku hadn’t done a thing. Maybe he wasn’t useless because he was quirkless. Maybe he was just useless because he was a coward.
“Izuku?” His mom stood in the doorway, the crease of concern he hated wrinkling her brow. “Is everything okay?”
Izuku burst into tears.
Seconds later, she was cradling him to her chest, stroking his hair. “Oh, baby, you’re not in trouble. I really would rather Katsuki be here than out there. Just come and get me right away if it ever happens again, okay?”
He nodded miserably. Ever since Kacchan had climbed through his window, all he’d wanted to do was run to her. But he hadn’t been able to. And if there was a next time, somehow he doubted Kacchan would let him get her then either. He burrowed deeper into his mom’s arms.
Please, he begged silently, please don’t let there be a next time.
“Honey, I need you to tell me the truth. Do you know why Kacchan ran away? Was he okay?”
The truth leapt up his throat, but Izuku swallowed it back. He hadn’t been able to do anything for Kacchan yet, but he could at least keep his promise.
“I don’t know. All he’d say was that he didn’t want to be at his house.” That, at least, wasn’t a lie. “He seemed…okay. Just…” Scared. Hurt. Lost. “Just angry, I guess.”
She sighed. “Katsuki is always a little upset, isn’t he? Well, I hope everything’s alright. Now,” his mom said firmly, “it is time for you to go back to bed, little man.” She scooped up the manga and the flashlight, then fixed the comforter and tucked him in.
“Goodnight, Izuku.” She kissed his forehead. And then, just before she switched off the light- “I love you.”
-----
Once, maybe when he was around five, Izuku had been separated from his mom at the mall. It was his fault- he’d been distracted by a new All Might toy. The belt was a button, and when you pressed it All Might would shout out the names of his Ultimate Moves. Naturally, he’d been entranced.
He hadn’t even noticed that his mom was no longer across the aisle. Not until he’d decided he had to have the toy. Izuku had turned around, toy in hand, ready to beg like his life depended on it, but she wasn’t there. He’d clutched the toy a little tighter, took a step back.
Where had she gone? What was he supposed to do now? Was it better to go looking for her, or to stay in the same spot?
In the end, he’d been too scared to leave the comforting presence of the All Might toys and Inko had found her way back to him.
She’d fallen to her knees and wrapped her arms around him. “I was so worried,” she’d cried into his hair. “I’m so happy I found you.”
Then there were promises made to never wander off again, and pleading for the toy that had kept him safe when he was scared. It wasn’t a memory that often replayed in his mind.
Izuku held that toy now, considering. The situations hadn’t been exactly the same. He hadn’t really meant to leave his mom, and Kacchan had definitely meant to. But still. Both of their moms had said they’d been worried. And yet, Mrs. Bakugo hadn’t even really seemed happy to have found Kacchan.
They hadn’t talked about that night since. It wasn’t a conversation Izuku knew how to start. Upsetting Kacchan was the only thing he ever achieved when he tried to talk to him- and that was without the added pressure of such a thorny topic. Timing would be important too. His mom couldn’t be within earshot. Their apartment wasn’t too big though, so really his only chance was going to be after they got put to bed. But Kacchan usually fell asleep pretty quickly-
“Are you even paying attention?” Kacchan held the remote in one hand, and he hit the pause button with a huff. “This is a new episode, idiot.”
Izuku flushed. It was, but the show aired about an hour before Kacchan got dropped off on Saturday’s so he’d watched it already. Of course, on a typical Saturday he’d be just as invested this time around, but honestly he’d been in his head the first watch too.
“Whatever stupid thing you’re worrying about, stop.”
“But-”
“I said, stop.”
As if his word was final, Kacchan pressed play.
He was so stubborn. Why was it so bad that Izuku was worried? Geez. When he’d fallen off that log, Izuku knew he’d been hurt but Kacchan had smacked him away. Sure, maybe Izuku wasn’t the best help in this situation, but Kacchan had come to him, hadn’t he? He’d come to his window, cried in his bed. Izuku wouldn’t even know there was anything to worry about if Kacchan hadn’t involved him. There was no way Kacchan hadn’t known he’d worry.
“I forgot to pick up a couple ingredients, so I’m going to head out.” His mom ruffled his hair. “I won’t be long. Behave!”
The front door clicked shut. Izuku started counting to ten.
Seven…eight…
Kacchan turned up the volume.
Nine…
“Say a single word, and I will blast your head off.”
“This isn’t fair, Kacchan!”
Pure irritation scrunched the blonde’s face.
“You said not to look that night, but I saw and now you’re saying not to worry, but how-“
Kacchan tackled him.
His head cracked against the floor. Tears sprung up instantly. Izuku tried to wrestle the other boy off but he was pinned.
“I just want to help-”
Fury exploded in his crimson eyes. Izuku wilted.
“Damn you, Deku! I don’t want your help!” Kacchan shook his shoulders hard. “And I don’t need it either!”
“Yes-”
A blast, one bigger than Kacchan had ever dared to aim at him before, cut him off. It burned. Izuku barely felt it. Now that one hand had been lifted, he took the opportunity to wriggle out from beneath Kacchan. In the ensuing scuffle, Izuku managed to grab the blonde’s wrists and hold him down. Kacchan kicked at him, exploded the floor, bucked like a fish out of water.
“You do need help! She should hug you, not hit you!”
Kacchan went still. He was so rigid, Izuku could feel his muscles trembling.
“Shut up.” The words were sharp enough to sever. His stomach plummeted. “You don’t know anything. You’re a stupid, worthless, piece of shit. If it wasn’t for- I mean, you don’t even have a quirk. You’re a quirkless loser! A waste of space! You should’ve never been born!” Kacchan’s chest heaved. Unshed tears gleamed in his eyes.
“Is that…is that what she says to you?”
For a single second, Izuku felt like he was staring straight into Kacchan’s soul. For the first time, he saw someone other than the most awesome, coolest kid- the one that Izuku had always envied and admired and chased after.
And then he got the wind knocked out of him.
With a roar, Kacchan blasted the floor so hard the momentum forced Izuku off. He tried to scramble away. But Kacchan was too fast. He blasted Izuku square in the stomach.
Gasping, Izuku curled into a ball.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he cried, yelping as another blow hit. “But none of that’s true, Kacchan. You’re- ow!” He bit back a cry. It would probably be better for him if he just shut up. But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Kacchan needed to know.
“You’re incredible!”
Kacchan grabbed a fistful of his curls and forced Izuku to make eye contact.
Whatever veil that had lifted earlier was back down. In fact, it was a brick wall now.
“I know I am,” Kacchan snarled. “I’m going to be one of the best pro heroes ever, just like All Might. And all you’re ever going to be is a quirkless nobody, Deku. So if you think you can help me, you’re even more stupid than I thought. I can take care of myself, got it?”
No, he didn’t get it. Of course Kacchan would be a great pro when they grew up. But he wasn’t a hero right now. He was just a kid.
Kacchan growled, tightened his grip on Izuku’s hair until he winced. “Got it?”
Lie, he thought. Just lie. If he could even just nod, he’d spare himself whatever pain was bound to come next, but- but Kacchan needed his help. He had to save him. How could he dream of being a hero if he couldn’t even help his oldest friend?
“Kacchan, I-”
His head slammed back into the floor. It hit so hard Izuku saw stars.
“Dammit!” A blast amped punch hit his ribs. “Dammit! How weak do you think I am?”
Weak? He’d never once thought of that word in association with Kacchan. Izuku didn’t have the strength to speak up though. It all hurt too much, and all he could think was that he’d ruined everything. Izuku wasn’t brave enough to protect him, wasn’t smart enough to help him. He wasn’t even strong enough to handle the pain, to let Kacchan vent in the one way he knew how.
“Please-” Another blow tore the words from his mouth. “Kacchan, please! Stop. It hurts! It hurts, please.” He was sobbing now.
He hadn’t expected Kacchan to stop. But he did. And then he heard a gasp, and realized Kacchan was crying too. Izuku uncurled enough to look at the other boy. Through the haze of tears, he could see that the blonde was shaking. He was staring at his hands. He looked terrified.
“I- I-”
Kacchan’s voice broke and wavered. “Izuku, I-” He clapped one hand over his mouth and bolted.
Izuku heard the bathroom door bang against the wall as it was flung open, and then the faint sounds of Kacchan retching.
That was how his mom found them when she got back. Everything was a blur past that.
His mom was a mess. Kacchan got picked up a couple hours later.
Nobody noticed when he carefully tucked his special All Might toy into Kacchan’s backpack.
-----
It wasn’t the last time Kacchan beat him up. It was the last time he ever slept over.
Eventually, Izuku stopped trying to convince himself that they were still friends. They were first years in middle school now, nothing more than classmates. So it was probably, no, definitely weird that Izuku had snuck out of his house well past midnight to find him.
He was just trying to get enough data to finish his journal entry on Kacchan.
A year or so ago, Izuku had started meticulously studying pro heroes, specifically their quirks and how they used them. It was fascinating. And a little discouraging. But it was valuable research- what better way to learn how to become a hero? He wished All Might would come to Shizuoka Prefecture.
Although, the Number One had been a bit scarce the past couple of years. Less active, but only compared to his previous work schedule. Actually, he’d been completely missing for a couple months after his battle with Toxic Chainsaw. The media had had a field day with that one. Izuku hadn’t been worried, though. He knew he’d come back.
But anyways. A few weeks ago, he’d seen Kacchan walk past his apartment, headed for the forest they used to play in as kids. Out of curiosity, totally not any concern at all, Izuku’d trailed him. Turned out, Kacchan did quirk training in the middle of the forest. Which was, uh, slightly illegal.
Izuku wished it didn’t make him admire Kacchan.
It was just, well, everyone was constantly telling Kacchan he’d be a great hero. They’d been saying it since the day his quirk developed. An overconfident kid would’ve been satisfied with the compliments. But here was Kacchan, training like any other hero hopeful.
He was a pro hero in the making. Exactly the kind of person Izuku wanted to analyze and study and carefully catalogue in his composition book in no. 2 lead, then finalize later in ink.
Number Two. Endeavor. Izuku was pretty sure that he’d read about Endeavor having a family, kids. He wondered briefly what quirks they had. If any of them had inherited his fire quirk, they’d be a force to be reckoned with- a top pro hero in the making, just like Kacchan. However, he didn’t recall any Todorokis at U.A.’s Sports Festivals. Maybe they were closer to his age. Did they train their quirks too? Probably. Endeavor didn’t seem the type to waste time. Plus, at home quirk use was legal.
In the distance, a small explosion popped off. Izuku slowed down. He had to be very cautious as he crept up to a spot where he could see Kacchan. Alerting the other boy to his presence wouldn’t end well. Izuku shuddered. He hated to think of him as a bully, but at the same time the very idea of being alone in a forest with an angry Kacchan made the bruise on his ribs ache.
A scream of frustration ripped out of Kacchan’s mouth as he launched a particularly massive explosion at an offending boulder. His chest heaved, his arms trembled. He was nearing his physical limit.
Unease fluttered in Izuku’s stomach. There was something desperate, pleading in the air. He wasn’t supposed to be here, to see him like this. A small, stubborn part of him wanted to run out to his old friend and try to help. But he’d learned that lesson a long time ago. Izuku retreated, each step soft and careful. And then-
“I know you’re here.”
He froze.
Kacchan rolled his shoulders, tilted his head back. Even though it was too dark to see, Izuku could feel his gaze burning his skin. His heart raced. What was his best move here?
“Quit hiding like a damned coward. And don’t even think of running.”
Izuku wished he could hide his notebook. He crept into the clearing. Tried to swallow back his fear. He wasn’t a coward. It was just Kacchan. The bruise throbbed.
His crimson eyes tracked him like a predator’s followed prey. The stare was so intense that he almost didn’t notice that they were glassy from crying.
“What. Is your. Fucking. Obsession. With. Me.”
Each syllable was stamped out with hostility, spat out in disgust.
“I-I’m not. Kacchan, I-”
“And that!” He lunged forward and Izuku tripped back. “Why do you insist on calling me that, huh? We were never even that close, Deku.” The name-calling was an afterthought, but rife with malice regardless.
Izuku held up his hands, half-hid behind them. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Ka-Bakugou. I’ll stop now.” His family name tasted sour in his mouth.
Kacchan glared at him, then snorted. “Idiot. I didn’t say you had to stop, I asked you why.” He took another step closer. “Why? Did you really consider us friends?”
Embarrassment tinged the tips of his ears red. How could he say yes without sounding like a fool?
“Why didn’t you?” Izuku countered.
Kacchan blinked, and Izuku kicked himself for opening his mouth, but the words were out there now and there was nothing left to do but follow through. “Consider us friends, I mean. Why didn’t you?” And then, before he could give the expected reply- “You can’t say it’s because I’m quirkless. You were…you were mean before we knew that.”
The blonde was caught off guard, but only for a second. “Yeah, and you were fucking annoying before that too.” To his surprise, Kacchan sat down, wincing as he braced his palms against the dry grass. “We were never friends. Our moms were. Never would’ve hung out otherwise.”
Maybe that was true. “But we were still neighbors. We would’ve met at the playground. I would’ve liked you.”
Kacchan arched an eyebrow at him, scoffed.
“I like you!” Izuku declared defensively. “I always have. I mean, not like-like, or anything, I mean I do care about you, but it’s not-” He snapped his mouth shut. What the heck was he saying? Of course he didn’t like Kacchan like that, nobody was even thinking that, god he was stupid. And now he’d made it weird and his stomach was somersaulting and he could feel the blush burning his cheeks. Kacchan needed to say something, now. Anything. Yell at him to die. Heck, maybe just kill him.
“Yeah.” Kacchan glanced away. “You do care. And it makes zero fucking sense.”
An argument leapt up, but Izuku restrained himself. Nope, no more talking from him. His mouth could not be trusted.
For a moment, silence stretched between them. Izuku didn’t know if he should sit or stay or leave. He wished he hadn’t snuck out.
“Do you believe in reincarnation?”
Izuku blinked. Where had that come from? He opened his mouth hesitantly.
“I guess.” Good. Nothing stupid. “I haven’t really thought about it much.” He frowned. “Do you?”
The blonde shrugged.
Why would Kacchan of all people want to be reincarnated? If it was real, he’d basically won the lottery this time around. Except for his mom. Something panged in his chest. He didn’t let the thought finish forming- he couldn’t, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from talking and if he asked, Kacchan would have him testing out his tentative belief in reincarnation before he could hope for a quirk the next time around. But something must’ve given him away because before he could duck, a blast caught him across the face.
“You think I’m that fucking weak? Huh?” He hit him in the ribs and tears sprang into Izuku’s eyes. “Fuck you, Deku! I am not weak.” And there was that word again, the one that Izuku would never use to describe Kacchan and yet was always vehemently defended against. “I don’t need your pity, I don’t need you to care about me at all. Dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit.” Kacchan swung out at him, but Izuku dodged it this time.
He didn’t wait for another opening. He high-tailed it, wheezing as each breath he took generated sharp stabs of pain. Kacchan didn’t chase him. Instead, he hurled curses with fury, raging like a wild animal.
“I don’t need you to save me! You can’t! I’ll never accept any help from you, shitty Deku!”
Izuku did his best to block it all out.
Things always ended like this between them, with him saying all the wrong things and wondering why he tried but knowing he’d never be able to stop. One day, he consoled himself, all of his efforts would add up. And when the day finally came that he was able to help Kacchan, it would all be worth it.
He finished crying before he even walked up the stairs to his apartment. When he slipped under his covers, he imagined tucking the events of that night into a box, everything that wasn’t his unyielding admiration for Kacchan, and burying it deep.
He wouldn’t unearth it for a couple years. Not until his life had changed so drastically that it seemed more like a comic book than reality. Not until he nearly lost Kacchan, twice, and then watched All Might fight his last battle. Not until he was crouched down, diligently dusting baseboards that Kacchan had apparently expected him to clean, and Kirishima all but cornered him and said:
“I’m worried about Bakugo.”
Izuku stiffened.
There was that now-familiar twinge.
He’d noticed it for the first time a few weeks ago, crouched behind a half-destroyed wall with the fear of death still so tangible he wasn’t fully convinced he hadn’t died. There had really only been one way to save Kacchan. The twinge had been stupid then, and it was stupid now. Same way it had been stupid when he saw them together after the first test at the licensing exam, when Iida asked where Bakugo was during the room contest and Kirishima had known and he hadn’t. It was bothersome.
Izuku sat back on his heels, glanced around. “I am too.”
He was always a little worried about Kacchan, but it had been different lately. And Kirishima was actually friends with him, so it only made sense that he’d have picked up on things. There was no reason to be weird.
He’d been trying not to replay it too much, he didn’t want to risk radiating concern around Kacchan when they were under house arrest and the blonde was being mostly civil. But the raw agony in his voice, the shattered look in his eyes…it was like Kacchan had been drowning. Maybe he wasn’t quite in the deep end now, but Izuku wasn’t convinced he was completely safe. He’d been in the shallows for years. Izuku wanted him all the way out.
Kirishima exhaled, a relieved grin revealing his pointed teeth. “That’s good. I mean, not good. But you’ve known him for longer, and if you’re worried too I don’t feel so paranoid, you know? He’d probably be pissed at me for talking to you, but I don’t know who else to talk to.”
Izuku bit his cheek. “What’d you want to talk about?”
As if it would somehow make him less conspicuous, Kirishima squatted down and whispered.
“He’s been having nightmares. And also…” he trailed off, hesitated. Then he shook his head. “I don’t really know, and I don’t want to spread rumors, so-”
“Is she still hurting him?”
Kirishima winced.
Ice spread across his skin, as if Todoroki had reached over and frosted him.
“Maybe. I don’t know. I- I’m really worried, Midoriya.”
A hint of tears shone in the redhead’s eyes. He was always so cheerful and loud, bold and unfaltering. But right now, Kirishima seemed small and quiet, genuinely concerned. And even though Kirishima was so less certain of himself now, Izuku was reminded of the way he’d been at the hospital. How he’d looked down at Izuku, crying and wallowing in frustration and self-pity, and said, “Then let’s go save him now.”
All at once, Izuku felt selfish and childish. It didn’t matter who saved Kacchan, so long as he got saved. That was true. So why didn’t it make him feel any better?
“Honestly, Kirishima, I don’t know how much help I’d really be.” The words were bitter on his tongue. “I’ve known him forever, but…it’s complicated. You’d probably be better off following your gut than any of my advice. But,” he hesitated. Why? “If there’s any way I can help, I will.”
An unreadable look that Izuku would lie awake later trying to decipher flitted across Kirishima’s face. Then he nodded, and said, “Yeah, no. I get it. And I think…I think it would be better if I let Bakugo open up to me rather than prying his secrets out of you. I want him to trust me, you know?”
That twinge plucked at him again. “Yeah.”
“Well, thanks for talking with me, man!” He stood up, and the only thing shining in his eyes now was sincerity. “Like I said, I’m glad we’re on the same page.”
Were they on the same page? He felt like they were reading different books, and just reached the same conclusion. He wished they were on the same page.
“Kirishima.”
The redhead paused, a few steps away, quirked a brow. “Yeah?”
“You’re a really good friend. Probably…probably the best one Kacchan’s ever had.”
Blushing hard, Kirishima rubbed the back of his head and laughed. “I don’t know about that. I mean, thank you! But he’s always had you, too.”
Izuku laughed too, but his heart wasn’t in it.
Kacchan had always had him. And fat lot of good that had done him. He’d never been able to save him, not really. He wished he could believe that he’d done his best and Kacchan was just difficult, but that was letting himself off easy. He could’ve done more, been braver, worried about his well-being less and more about Kacchan’s. How many times had he held himself back, afraid of getting hurt? And he wanted to be a hero like All Might? Stupid.
No. No, he couldn’t think like that. It was his turn now. He didn’t have time to throw himself pity parties. He just had to do better going forward. Whatever it took to keep Kacchan, and all of his friends really, safe.
Izuku dusted off the last of the baseboards, steeling himself the whole time. He was going to talk to Kacchan. He didn’t have to wait for confirmation like Kirishima did- he already knew. And things had sort of changed between them. A little bit. Maybe.
He refined his speech as he stepped into the elevator and hit four.
Kirishima said he was worried…No, if he failed, he didn’t want to take Kirishima down with him. The redhead was their best hope. Remember that time you ran away to my house in the middle of the night? Definitely not. He’d probably be irritated that Izuku even remembered that.
When he knocked on his door, he still didn’t have the words nailed down. There was always a chance that Kacchan wouldn’t even open his door.
But he did. He swung it partially open and scowled at him.
“What the hell do you want, Deku?”
“I-”
“Hey, be nice.” Kirishima’s voice came from behind the door. From inside his room. The words died on Izuku’s lips.
Kacchan snorted and rolled his eyes. “Whatever. What you do want, nerd?”
“I- I finished dusting the base boards.”
The blonde frowned at him, suspicion shimmering in his eyes.
Izuku noticed the slight purple tinge beneath his lashes. He had been having nightmares. He’d had no idea. He’d been oblivious to so much.
“You came all the way up here just to tell me that?”
“Uh, yep!” Izuku forced a little cheer and bashfulness into his voice. He practically squeaked. Now he felt extra dumb. “I know you really wanted it done, so, uh, I just wanted to let you know. Yep. That was all.”
Kacchan stared at him for a long second before shaking his head. “You are so fucking weird.”
And then he was closing the door, and yelling at Kirishima for something.
Izuku realized as he walked back to the elevator that he still hadn’t seen the inside of his room.
This was one of the things that stuck in his head as he rode the elevator. He compared his relationship with Kacchan to Kirishima’s. Tried to be objective, to give that relentless twinge any other name. He pictured a scale.
It added up to less.
Todoroki let him into his room without question.
Neither of them said anything, not until Todoroki gave him an inquisitive look and Izuku broke and said,
“I think I’m jealous of Kirishima.”