Chapter Text
The Funeral was like any other, everyone Being depressed and heartbroken.
Many could say that this is the youngest persons Funeral they have been to. To little and to young.
Astres coffin was one of the smallest ones undertaker has ever made. The worst part was he had to bury his own grandson in it.
“Vincent”, Francis greeted, neither spoke a word for quite a while just staring at the headstone.
“He was so small. He never even rode a horse or… lived.” Vincent said looking off into the distance.
“What scares me most is that even if there is a heaven, I’ll never see him again…that he is forever alone because his entire family are murderers”, Francis only sighed at Vincent’s words.
Everyone knows there are no words to say to a grieving parent, nothing to make the pain vanish.
“How’s Ciel?”, Francis asked, Vincent only hummed. “He’s not well. He won’t admit his brother is dead, it’s like a game of hide and seek and Astre’s just gotten lost”.
Astre could barley recall his childhood, as the days went on his families faces became… blurry.
Though not he was just ‘Smile’ a nickname given to him by the other circus people.. some how they had become more familiar then his real family. The name Smile had meant much more than Astre.
After a year, Smile didn’t think a single thought about his real family. His father or mother. Not even his brother.
After all he wasn’t even the heir to them, so what did he matter to them? His father could’ve found him if he really wanted too.
But he didn’t.
But Doll always told him that he matters way more than some title and that she was glad he was here.
Doll and him were very close, they practically told each other everything. Doll felt more like family than anyone he knew.
“Oi smile, which lollipop do you want?”, Doll asked as soon as she got into their shared tent, Smile just glanced over at her shrugging.
“What’s the matter usually you are fighting me about which one you want?”, Doll says as she tosses him a random one. “I don’t know.. I’m just thinking”, he replied.
“‘Bout what?”, Doll asked turning towards him once again, Smile shrugged again.
“Nothing important”, He replied as a way to make Doll drop it, usually she did after the third nothing.
“Well if you need someone to talk to, y’know im always around”, Smile just grinned towards her.
Sometimes Ciel felt like he was living in a nightmare 24/7, after the devastating loss of his twin brother.
Who he 100% believes is alive, everyone calls it denial but he calls it his twin intuition.
His father made his training more difficult in the last year, so that he wouldn’t lose his remaining son. But maybe just maybe if he taught Astre a fraction of this along side him, he would’ve been fine.
Which is probably more denial, since Astre couldn’t run without being out of breath.
All he wants is to be back with his baby brother, the baby brother that he was bringing home a toy for. Now? He has this one reminder that if he didn’t go out that night they could’ve still be together. Wherever he may be.
“Ciel, you’re slacking.. you can’t be a proper watchdog with this worth ethic”, Vincent scolded for the third time in one day.
“I don’t want to be watchdog!”, Ciel exclaimed loudly, His father face only got far and distant. “Watchdog is what got Astre killed-“, he was cut off by his father stepping closer to him menacingly.
“Don’t you ever-EVER- say something like that again to me. Do you understand”, He was now holding Ciel’s arm tightly so he wouldn’t run off. Ciel shakily nodded.
It’s true what they say.. grief changes people.
Especially that of a child.
It had only been a year since that horrid night, but Ciel thinks about it everyday. Thinks about his brother, his brothers thoughts on what he was doing, what he wanted to eat, or if he was alive.
They never recovered a child’s body, so until then.. Astre is ALIVE.
He knows it, he just.. has to.