Chapter Text
On the day of Kang Taehyun’s graduation right before the ceremony, all he could think about was how much he wanted it to be over.
It was a fortuitus event, filled with laughter and happiness. But he couldn’t wait to throw his hat in the air and take his robes off before jumping into his bed to think about his future. School was his prison, the weight in his ankles. The days were tiring enough trying to juggle his studies and being a trainee, but finally he could focus on his dream full time. He thought he would break free from the school's controlling ideology and leave it all behind. That was the plan at least.
But against his expectations, school did not let him go out of its clutches that easily. Right as the ceremony ended and the students were taking their last pictures with their friends and family, a classmate walked up to him. From his words left the familiar tune of a love confession.
Someone had confessed to him. A boy.
“Kang Taehyun, I…” This student, whom Kang Taehyun wasn’t familiar with, spoke to him with a puffed chest, but face blooming with pink.
This boy had messy hair strewn all over, like he’d been running his hand through it at least ten times before approaching him. He was pretty, for sure, and seemed confident in his actions. It was unlike what Taehyun expected from the dramas he watched; there was no shyness, none of the hesitancy he thought those girls confessing would have. Well, he wasn’t a girl after all.
“I like you.”
This was a first.
Taehyun didn’t expect to get confessed to at all during his lifetime, or at least in his high school days. He stayed fairly distant from the rest of his classmates, only making acquaintances for schoolwork. He never made a friend. For him, he thought it was easier to be alone; maybe it was his own personal defect. So to think Taehyun caught someone’s eyes, a boy to be specific, was the biggest surprise so far.
What kind of person was Taehyun in others’ eyes? What did this boy see in him that Taehyun didn’t much himself in anyways? The question of self-image was one Taehyun never really thought to tackle. He would need to question it more once he debuted anyway (if he was to at all).
“Oh.” Taehyun was all he could say. He didn’t know what to say anyway; he never experienced this before.
The boy opened his mouth, only to close it again. He reached behind him to grab at something in his backpack. When his hand was brought forth back to Taehyun, it held a single rose.
“Here.” Taehyun, against his will, received the rose. He held it nimbly between his two hands. Taehyun looked up at the boy—he held a face of pure awe and adoration.
“I don’t…understand.” Taehyun scratched his face, before laughing weakly. “Why me?”
The boy shook his head. “I have no explanation. I just like you.”
I just like you. What kind of explanation was that?
The boy raised both of his fists in encouragement. “Good luck, Kang Taehyun. I know you will debut!”
Taehyun wasn’t talkative of his personal life. It was no secret that he was a trainee, but nobody bothered to pick up on that information, nor both to pick up on Taehyun’s existence. It was easier that way, having people not recognize you when you shed your old persona to fit into another one for the show. It saves the awkwardness of it all. But this boy, one Taehyun didn’t know, somehow knew about that when nobody else did.
But Taehyun couldn’t get the opportunity to ask for the other boy’s name before he was called by a woman, presumably his mother, and he ran off. Farther and farther. Taehyun would probably never find out who that boy was, as they would find their own separate paths, never to intertwine.
When he arrived home, he stripped his body from his graduation robes and hat. He lied down that day, heaving a sigh. Of relief or regret, he didn’t know. He could only think of practice the next day and his singing lessons, which were his favorite part. Just as he was about to drift off into sleep, he remembered the flushed face of his classmate, who he never got the name of.
Then, high school was over.
Tomorrow x Together was a widely-known household name in the idol industry. With its three famed members, Choi Yeonjun, Kang Taehyun, and Huening Kai, they became one of the most popular boy groups of their generation. Kang Taehyun was a name buzzed around citizens. Rising to fame at his debut at eighteen years old, his voice and songs had become popular. Many Koreans knew of his name, many could sing the tune he sang from his heart. His beloved voice was held in high standards in the industry, along with Yeonjun’s all-roundedness and Huening Kai’s musical genius. With their talent and hard work, the three topped the charts with each song they released.
That is how they are introduced anyways, as Taehyun scrolled through different websites describing his group to kill time in the waiting room. His two other group mates were still having their makeup done and their hair styled.
Taehyun didn’t know why he decided to search up his group anyway. The moment before, he was taking a nap. It was a short nap, just ten minutes, but his mind had concurred a dream.
It was a familiar dream. Graduation, cherry blossoms, and the boy. It was always a quick dream—a reminder of his one and only instance of love. He didn’t know why his dreamscape liked that specific memory so much; he always thought it was just a fleeting moment, never to be remembered. It was a surprise to him that a trivial thing had such an effect on him. It was a silly memory that happened in his youth.
A familiar pair of legs approached his peripheral vision. Someone had finally come to distract him from his thoughts. Taehyun smiled as he looked up to Huening Kai sitting beside him.
“I want to sleep.” Huening Kai wrapped his arms around Taehyun.
“Sleep then. We aren’t ready for ten more minutes.” Taehyun patted his back.
Instead of actually heeding his suggestion, Huening Kai looked up at Taehyun. “Did you dream about him again?”
Taehyun was about to retort, before his face fell into one of annoyance.
“I don’t even know why I dream about him. It’s weird.”
Huening Kai was a boy who joined the company a few months shortly before Taehyun graduated. He was extremely talented, but especially in his vocals and composition. It didn’t take long for him to get on the same level as the other trainees in voice, maybe even higher. But he was gentle, easy to prod with a stick; he was like a dough of bread that hadn’t been put in the oven yet. He cried a lot. He was a kind soul, one that saw through the closed-off demeanor Taehyun wore for himself. So, the two talked and after realizing they were the same age, they talked even more. It didn’t take much for Huening Kai to become Taehyun’s close friend.
Naturally, Huening Kai would know about the boy in Taehyun’s graduation. It took many months of friendship and late-night practices with one another for Taehyun to even nod at the existence of the boy. Because Huening Kai was kind, he never asked further.
“Do you perhaps,” Huening Kai flitted his eyes around the room, before leaning in like a little kid to whisper, “like him?”
Taehyun just raised an eyebrow at that. “I don’t even know his name. Why would I?”
Huening Kai pouted. “Don’t be a downer. You should stop putting such logical explanations for emotions!”
“Again, I only talked to him once. You sound like that girl from Frozen. Anna.” Taehyun crossed his arms.
“Why do you dream about him so much then if it was only once?” Huening Kai asked. It was a good question. A question Taehyun didn’t have the answer to.
“Ah, I don’t know.” Taehyun sighed, sinking further into the couch he was sitting on. “Maybe I’m just so lonely I can only think about the only confession I’ve ever received.”
Huening Kai pulled his lips into a smile. “Come on, Taehyunnie. You have me!”
Taehyun shook his head, before leaning against Huening Kai’s body. “I’m sick of seeing you every day.”
“No you aren’t.”
“I am. I truly am.”
After being on stage for the first time, Taehyun soon realized that he would never get used to this. Even until now, when his group had been two years well into their career; the thrill, the rush, the nervousness—it was something his mind could not easily get used to. Frankly, he didn’t want to get used to it. That was what made performing all the more special.
Right before they were called on to the stage, Taehyun looked one more time in the mirror. He touched a wisp of his newly dyed hair, feeling its coarse yet soft strands against his fingertips. He looked closely at his glitter-speckled eyes and wondered; Will I ever get used to this?
This was a person unattached from the Kang Taehyun he was familiar with. The boy he had known all his life was nowhere to be seen, easily replaced by this replica. This was too pretty to be Kang Taehyun. This was a doll, molded and formed. But it was him, no matter how much disbelief settled in Taehyun’s eyes: a beautiful face he never thought he could adapt. And as he stepped out of the waiting room, he wondered if others saw him the same way.
Suddenly, Taehyun realized that he’d been spacing out as a firm hand patted his back.
“What’s on your mind, Taehyunnie?” Yeonjun asked, his voice low out of consideration.
Taehyun looked up to the older. A question waited on his tongue, ready to be spoken.
“Hyung, how do you see me?” He asked. Was it too bizarre of a question?
As if Yeonjun heard his thoughts, he only shook his head. “If you’re nervous about how the fans will see you, they’ll love you all the same.”
“But to me, you’re my little dongsaeng. Cute, responsible, and mature. Be less mature so I can treat you like a baby more!” Yeonjun gushed as he pulled on Taehyun’s cheek. Taehyun, feeling slightly more relieved at the lighthearted answer, shook Yeonjun off with a smile.
That was how Yeonjun saw him. How the fans saw him, maybe handsome, talented, funny. But Taehyun didn’t know if they were all honest depictions of his real personality, or just fragments taken from his fake one. But it wasn’t something to think about, not before they were about to perform.
Taehyun’s heart pounded as he took his position on stage. It was normal, a routine he had done over a hundred times. But it was never any less exciting than the first.
The crowd cheered loudly at the instance of music, a familiar intro that everyone in the room were familiar with. As the boys performed on stage to the best of their ability, the fans cheered beside them, matching the energy of the performance. Taehyun could feel the cool air whip through his hot scalp as he moved his body in moves that had been ingrained into his bones. His voice sang out against the heavy rise and collapse of his lungs; it was just like he practiced. This was what he wanted. Not the love life that hadn’t even blossomed during his graduation, nor the friends he could have wept for when he finally debuted. This stage was what he wanted.
Screams rattled his eardrums as his body assumed the final ending pose, his knees touching against the ground. He could feel the camera pan over to Yeonjun to capture his final expression. A few more seconds went by, and the camera finally turned off.
Taehyun pushed himself off the ground to stand up. Sweat trickled down his neck as the staff handed them water. It was cold against his hot skin, but it didn’t quell the warmth of it. He watched afar to his fans, cheering his name and talking amongst each other. Some were adults, but some were high school students. They talked amongst each other excitedly with smiles on their faces. They bonded over a mutual interest, the bond between themselves stronger than; it was obvious they were friends. Taehyun couldn’t get himself to look away.
The rest of the day passed by in a blur. He couldn’t exactly remember what happened next other than waving the fans goodbye and getting into the van with a dazed mind.
All the things he missed in his youth for this dream felt like such faraway inconveniences at first. But now, they blared at him; he had to look forward to them. If not, he would slip and fall from the stage. He was sure it was worth it to leave it all behind, but as he thought one last time of the boy in his graduation, he wondered if it really was.
“Hey, my scalp hurts. Stop, stop, stop, stop.” Yeonjun complained as Taehyun’s inelegant fingers tied a piece of his hair to mimic the stem of an apple.
“Everyone, do you want me to untie Yeonjun’s hair?” Taehyun spoke into the mic.
A chorus of disagreements piled on top of one another, creating a twitch of annoyance on Yeonjun’s eyebrows. The older tried picking at it, but the fans in the crowd begged him to leave it untouched. Taehyun couldn’t stifle his giggle anymore as he flicked the tied hair back and forth on Yeonjun’s head.
This was the last thing to do for the week: a fan meeting. Though performing was the most fun for Taehyun, he still would prefer to do fan meets every now and then. It was an event where Taehyun could be laid back. He would only need to think about how to appease his fans and connect with them; he wouldn’t need to worry about his facial expressions on stage or the stability of his vocal cords.
After debuting, the hardest part of it was getting used to his fans. Taehyun had never endured this many eyes on him all at once. The voices screamed the group’s name and his too. A part of him was doubtful for a while; why do they like me? What is so different about me?
I just like you. That explanation would not suffice. There was nothing so special about him that it could light up joy in someone else’s heart, idol or not. But this and that were different; his fans and that boy were different. At the end of the day, he could only accept the fact that these people liked him for whatever reason. He didn’t dare complain either way. This connection threaded a broken piece of Taehyun—he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. And he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy talking with his fans. They were a mirror for his own self—they let him see what they all saw.
From the crowd, another fan spoke loudly: “Oppa, tie your hair too!”
“Ah, me?” Taehyun pointed at himself.
“Yes!” A few replied. Taehyun looked at the staff; the actual signing event wasn’t going to start until a few minutes later. Might as well.
He nudged Huening Kai to his left. “Tie my hair. I suck.”
“Do you even have a hair tie?” Huening Kai said, his hands still squishing the molang plushie he brought along with him.
“It’s on your wrist.” Taehyun pointed.
“Ah—it is!” Huening Kai pulled the hair tie off his wrist and started tying Taehyun’s own hair. His hair was still stiff with the day’s earlier hairspray, making his apple hair look like a caricature of what it was supposed to be.
As the staff prepared for the signing event, Yeonjun talked about offhand anecdotes about the group’s day. Taehyun listened intently, adding comments here and there to add to the story. Being the leader of the group, Yeonjun had a strong aura to him that the others didn’t. Dependable and calm, but still able to joke around, Taehyun knew he could relax when Yeonjun led. He was the oldest member after all and the first to be added; if it wasn’t Yeonjun, who would it be?
There was a small tap on his shoulder. Taehyun looked up to see the familiar face of the staff, signaling them the signing was about to start. The crowd hushed, recognizing the familiar start to the fan signing events. Taehyun nodded, bringing his mouth to the mic. But just before he could speak, a voice announced throughout the hall.
It was low, the voice of a man, but one around his age. It came from the back of the hall, muffled by the voices of strangers. But even then, his kind yet clear tone sliced through the chatter till it reached Taehyun’s ears. His voice spoke:
“Kang Taehyun, I love you!”
Well, that was a shocker.
Taehyun sat stunned for a moment, his mouth going still. He didn’t expect such a voice to scream those words during the quiet lull of the crowd. It was a simple phrase, one said to him thousands of times per day. But the voice, brazen and warm, struck a chord in him he didn’t know existed beforehand.
There was something about him that Taehyun couldn’t place a finger on. A familiarity that rippled.
He scanned the crowd to find the source of the voice. But it was a fruitless effort—there were too many people. So, Taehyun only let out a defeated chuckle; surprise having gotten the best of him. Crinkled crescents made their way to his eyes, unrestrained after a long while.
He mouthed back with a heartfelt smile to the stranger: ‘Me too.’
Soft cheers erupted at the reply. Wow, Kang Taehyun is a really charming guy, he supposed everyone thought. Taehyun could only laugh, abashed at his own response, before handing the mic to Huening Kai on his left. He couldn’t speak in this state.
Just like that, the signing event started. Taehyun shifted his attention to the people that were in front of him. They held an assortment of gifts, ranging from hats to plushies to toys. Taehyun let a grin erupt on his face at each gift; this, he would never get used to either. As they talked about their life or their appreciation for him, Taehyun only nodded in gentle return. Some were nervous, and some were used to it. A few faces were even familiar to Taehyun as he pointed out what event they last met at. And for a few seconds, the fan would touch his right hand while Taehyun signed the album with his left. It was a comfort, a surety knowing these hands would lift Taehyun to the sun.
Did I even deserve this? A recurring thought that just wouldn’t leave him alone.
While the next fans sat on the chair to have their own turn, Taehyun took a glimpse at the person now sitting in front of Yeonjun. A head of hazelnut, brown hair crowned their sharp features. Lively, glistening eyes disappeared into their eyes from a smile.
It was someone he did not expect to see in a lifetime. A boy.
Taehyun felt a hiccup stuck in his throat.
He ripped his gaze away. He must have been imagining it. Surely, he must have been. Silently, he pleaded his face wouldn’t show the shock that trembled his heart. He listened to the fan in front of him talking about Taehyun’s talents and praise, but he was out of focus. Her voice couldn’t cut through the fog Taehyun heard.
Then.
“Kang Taehyun.”
He didn’t even notice the fan moving to Huening Kai. Taehyun felt his voice stuck in his throat.
Kang Taehyun. He heard this before. Cherry blossoms, graduation robes, hats, a rose.
Taehyun sat there silent as the boy held a singular rose in his hand, ready for Taehyun to take. It was still fresh from the ground, the edges of its petals not even withered. Taehyun was rarely dumbstruck, but this was like lightning had shot down from the sky. It rendered him immovable.
Have you finally come to wake me from this dream?
“Are you going to take it?” The boy teased, laughter bubbling up.
Taehyun let out a sigh of disbelief.
He looked different. The messy, black hair from graduation was nowhere to be seen, replaced now by careful styling and dyed brown hair. His childish features, though scarce back then, were finally gone from his face. He had been molded from a young boy, fresh with joy and confidence, to now a young man. But that puffed chest and courageous air to him never went away—it grew denser, comfortable against the laid-back, jokester smile he assumed.
That boy could really catch someone’s eye–Taehyun never expected for it to catch his.
“You really…” He spoke.
The rose wiggled in the boy’s grasp. It danced around Taehyun’s palms, like the dream of a memory he could never hold down. Like a sheep, Taehyun picked the rose up by the stem from the boy’s hands.
“I told you. You really did debut.” The boy grinned.
“I…” Taehyun said, quiet against the beating of his own heart. “I did.”
You don’t know how much I thought about you.
“I thought I would never see you again.” Taehyun breathed out; his voice feathery. He had never been pushed to a state like that. Not even the stage could get him this nervous.
“Well, I saw you everywhere! You’re famous now, did you know?” He replied, his elbows resting on the table in excitement.
“Yeah. I am.” Taehyun couldn’t set his mind straight—he was saying all the wrong things.
He didn’t know what to say. It was too much; he wasn’t prepared for this. Just like in graduation, he had come out of the blue, disrupting the plan he had meticulously made in mind.
“I really enjoy your songs. I didn’t know you would become this popular.” The boy pushed the album they were presently promoting towards Taehyun.
It was like he was sitting in the lonely, cold expense of winter, before being suddenly dunked into a basin of warm water without warning. Taehyun started singing the album from his muscle memory, but he continued staring at the boy. He was really pretty. He tried to memorize all the features of his face—this would be the last time.
“Why did you run off last time? I didn’t even catch your name.” Taehyun said, leaning forward eagerly. He could finally close the chapter of his life that followed him for years. Maybe then his youth wouldn’t hover over him, tall and unignorable.
“Ah, I,” The boy scratched his neck, the sudden change in demeanor awkward. “I was really too embarrassed.”
“Confessing to your crush is really embarrassing.”
Heat prickled all over Taehyun’s face. He turned his gaze away to the album he was signing, unable to look at the boy again. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
This boy really did like him. It wasn’t a mistake. Somehow, that fact made Taehyun feel even more flustered. He felt the space between them was really too small.
Breathing in, Taehyun gathered up the courage to ask the question he wanted the true answer to all those years ago.
“Why me?”
There was really nothing special about him now, what even was there to begin with back then? He was rude, cold, and unfriendly. He never once tried making true friends and never even learned the boy’s name. If he could at least know what it was, maybe then…
The boy shook his head. “Does there have to be a reason? I just liked you.”
“I don’t even know your name. How could you like me?” Taehyun said, feeling the rough stem of the rose prickle against the flesh of his palm.
“I know your name, isn’t that enough?” The boy shrugged, getting the album from Taehyun’s grasp.
Taehyun could see the fan in front of Yeonjun stand up, shaking Taehyun out from the trance he had been in. Time seemed to pass so slowly in the space between them, he didn’t expect for it to end so soon.
As the boy stood up to move to Huening Kai’s spot, desperation weighed like a rock in his chest. He wanted to reach out, grab his hand to Stay, please stay. If not, it would just be like last time. He couldn’t have that. This would just be another memory haunting him in his dreams every night, a reminder of a person that would disappear into the flutter of the wind.
Taehyun held him by the sleeve. “What’s your name?” Taehyun asked.
Don’t slip away.
The boy stopped in his tracks, surprised by the sudden action. He looked down to see Taehyun holding onto him. He only giggled, seeing the action as silly. It was silly; Taehyun had finally lost it and became an idiot.
“My name is Choi Beomgyu. Now you know.” The boy—Beomgyu—said, before walking over to the seat in front of Huening Kai.
Taehyun gazed in his direction at a loss for words. That was the name he’d been seeking for so long. The screech of a chair brought his attention back to the fan in front of him. Right. He was at a fan signing event, not a reunion party. He settled into his idol persona, ridding himself of the unprofessional behavior earlier. But the moment continued to hang over his head.
Choi Beomgyu.
He was so engrossed in trying to seem professional that he hadn’t even noticed Beomgyu slipping burning glances at him the whole time, before finally his turn was over.