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Published:
2022-02-20
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2,221
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1/1
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74
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In Five Minutes (And With A Spider)

Summary:

Class 1-A, the chaotic and destructive class, find a spider in their midst, and, well, panic.
Class 1-B, the sensible and hard-working class, share a wall with them.

Vlad King is just trying to get through the goddamn lesson.

--or--

“ Alright, now, where was I?” Vlad muttered. “ Right. Heroes first made their appearances as vigilantes and ‘policemen’ who did just a little more than the average policemen. It was only when the legal Heroics Act of 19–”

 

“ Kirishima, put that chair down, now! NOW!”
“ But Aizawa, there’s a spider! A SPIDER!”
“ Yeah, my bro Kiri’s right, man! It’s as big as that one spider I saw when I went to Australia that one time! And it was pretty fucking big!”
“ Wait, Kamibro, you went to Australia?”
“ Yeah Kiri! It was fuckin’ crazy. Not actually much different, but I kept on expecting a snake to leap at me. That never happened ‘cause I wasn’t in the middle of a damn jungle, but still, bro.”

Notes:

lmao i forgot i promised this fic lmao.

i... hope it helps with the upcoming angst in my other fic?

 

.......im not sorry

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was a beautiful day.

 

Birdsong drifted in from the open windows.

Sunlight bathed the class in a warm afternoon haze.

The endless blue sky was only patterned by fluffy white clouds and the occasional bird.

 

It was a beautiful day, and yet no one could focus on Vlad King droning on about Heroics History.

 

It surely had nothing to do with the screaming next door.

 

“ Holy fucking shit!”  

Kendo groaned, dropping her head into her hands. Yep, that was no doubt Kaminari from Class 1-A, next door. A low, unintelligible murmur followed from the other side, no doubt their teacher, Aizawa, trying to calm his class down. 

 

A crash, followed by a bang, made everyone jolt. Silence fell. Vlad King sighed, muttering, “ Jesus Christ, that class.”

 

Awase put his hand up slowly. “ Uh, sir?”

 

“ Yes, Awase?” Vlad King answered, sounding just as done with everything as everyone felt. 

 

“ Um, I don’t mean to sound… whatever, but,” he eyed the wall behind him, where 1-A’s class was, “ Well, like. Should we be worried?”

 

“ I… doubt it,” their teacher said slowly. “ If Class 1-A are as great as they say they are, they should be able to deal with… whatever the hell’s going on over there.”

 

Monoma snorted, “ I bet they’re all just messing around. Honestly, if they expect to be held with such high respect as they seem to have while not even taking their classes seriously, they should really rethink their train of thought!”

 

Vlad King sighed again. “ Which just gives us more reason to refocus on our work, Class B. We’re nearly finished with this topic, the sooner we pull ahead the sooner we’ll improve.”

 

The class nodded dutifully and Vlad King turned back to the board, hoping that nothing else would interrupt them and they’d get through the rest of the lesson smoothly.

 

“ Alright, now, where was I?” Vlad muttered. “ Right. Heroes first made their appearances as vigilantes and ‘policemen’ who did just a little more than the average policemen. It was only when the legal Heroics Act of 19–”

 

“ Kirishima, put that chair down, now! NOW!”

“ But Aizawa, there’s a spider! A SPIDER!”

“ Yeah, my bro Kiri’s right, man! It’s as big as that one spider I saw when I went to Australia that one time! And it was pretty fucking big!”

“ Wait, Kamibro, you went to Australia?”

“ Yeah Kiri! It was fuckin’ crazy. Not actually much different, but I kept on expecting a snake to leap at me. That never happened ‘cause I wasn’t in the middle of a damn jungle, but still, bro.”

“ I don’t care, both of you, just put the damn chair down, Kirishima!”

 

Vlad’s right eye twitched and the pen he was using to write notes down nearly snapped in irritation. “...  The legal Heroics Act of 1990 was made, as I was saying, that heroics was finally seen as an actual career. Meaning your grandparents probably at some point considered being a hero, quirk or not.”

 

“ Sir, was it exactly the year 1990? I thought I remembered being taught something else? I apologise if I’m wrong!” Kendo asked politely, hand up. 

 

“ No worries. You’re almost right, Kendo, it was 1990, but it was actually going to be pushed for a later date, around 1995. It was rethought when a particularly nasty villain attack occurred and there weren’t enough trained vigilantes or policemen to help, so it was bumped up to a priority,” their hero and teacher clarified. “ Actually, write that down too. It might come up in your tests.”

 

He gave them a second to scribble it down when a screech ripped through the air. A good number of his student’s heads whipped up so fast he was actually worried for a second that they’d get a painful whiplash. 

 

A high voice screeched from the other class, “ OH MY GOD IT’S ON MY DESK! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!”

A good number of screams followed, only just muffled by the wall. 

 

“ They’ve fought the literal League of Villains, why in hell are they afraid of a spider ?” Vlad King muttered, punching the bridge of his nose. A few students in his class snorted, to which he glared at and told them to continue their work.

 

“ I know what to do guys, don’t worry!” what could only be linked to Ashido’s voice yelled. The screams quiettenned abruptly and against their will, everyone in Class 1-B paused to try and listen in on what was happening in the room over. 

 

A few minutes later one voice cut through the silence, loud enough to be heard as Uraraka’s voice. “ Um, guys? … Where’d it go…?”

 

A bone-chilling silence.

 

Kendo remembered watching cartoons as a kid, where one of the characters would start a scream off low and quiet and it would get super high gradually yet quickly, eventually getting so high and loud she’d worry about her ears. 

That’s what the following cluster of screams sounded like.

 

" ... AaaaAAAAAAAAAHHH-" It lasted for several seconds.

“ EVERYONE SHUT! UP!” That was Aizawa. “ We’ll find the damn spider, you bunch of babies. Where was it last?”

“ Near Todoroki’s desk!”

“ Okay, so we’ll just look around there. Everyone chill out, Goddamn.”

 

Vlad King waited a few seconds. “ … Alright, everyone. Let’s try to get back to work. For the rest of the information you need, it should all be in your booklets. Turn to page 45 to 50, and make notes. Put your hand up when you're finished, but don’t rush. You may start.”

 

The class was filled with pages flipping and pen on paper. Vlad sighed and sat at his desk. 

Teaching shouldn’t have to be so hard. 

 

“ U-Um, g-g-guys…?” The lisp to the words was telling enough to know it came from Mineta, that grape-looking kid. “ Th-The spider–”

“ What, you fucking Grapist–... Oho, fucking shit, thats fucking hilarious!” Bakugou barked out laughter loudly from the other side.

Midoriya, probably the only tolerable kid in Class 1-A, asked, “ What? What about the spider? What happened– oh… oh my GOD, THE SPIDER’S ON MINETA!”

“ Right, you problem children, I’m not dealing with this today. I’m leaving, get this over with by the time I’m back.” The sound of the door shutting reached their ears, and that was when Class B knew they weren’t going to have a peaceful lesson in the slightest.

Mineta let loose a shrill ‘eek’ mixed with some kind of bird-like call, whatever that was supposed to be. Apparently this brought the whole of Class 1-A’s attention to the kid, and most of them screamed. Again.

 

Shiozaki (in his class thankfully) looked up and pursed her lips. “ Lord have mercy on their souls.”

 

“ Actually, Lord have mercy on ours too, thanks very much,” Kaibara muttered.

 

Shiozaki giggled a little, in the type of way that said ‘I’m dying inside’, and said, “ Ahaha... Indeed.”

 

“ Shiozaki, Kaibara…” Vlad started, before sighing and rubbing his temples as unintelligible yelling started. “ Oh, God.  Please just get back to work.”

 

“ Of course, Sir, sorry Sir,” Shiozaki smiled in embarrassment. Kaibara nodded with a long sigh, focusing back on his note-taking.

 

A bang hit the wall, joined with a sobby, pained cry, and this time even Vlad jolted. 

 

“ Kacchan! You can’t just do that!”   they heard Midoriya cry.

“ Shut the fuck up, Deku! It just didn't work first time. If we’re lucky the spider’ll squash along with the Grape fucker when I throw him again.”

“ Kacchan! This is not the way to–”

 

He cut himself off, for whatever reason, and their class sagged in relief.

 

“ KACCHAN WHAT THE FUCK?!”

 

Aaand they stiffened back up again.

 

“ QUIT SWEARING, YA DAMN NERD! Only I fucking swear, here,” Bakugou added to himself.

 

“ THE SPIDERS FREAKING ON ME! IT LANDED ON ME! KACCHAN! KACCHAN, HELP!”

“ See, ain’t that fuckin’ better. No swearing, you little shit.”

“ KACCHAN I SWEAR TO ALL MIGHT–”

 

Vlad King sighed. “ Y’know what? Kodai. Go track down Aizawa from wherever the hell he’s gone, and tell him to control his damn class. I’d tell you to go in there yourself to tell them face-to-face, but I’d be worried for your safety. So just go find the damn teacher.”

 

Kodai nodded, but before she could even stand up, Bakugou yelled, “ FINE!”

 

Before they knew it, the wall smashed in and everyone in Class B were on their feet as Midoriya himself slammed into the front board with a groan; cement and brick raining everywhere. He shook his head to get rid of the dust from crushed material and stood up, barely stumbling from the hit he just took as if it was nothing. 

He peeled the now crushed, burnt and most definitely dead spider (the size of his damn thumb for God's sake-) off of his arm with a greatly over exaggerated disgusted expression, and made it a point to drop it a good metre away. 

 

“ Damnit Kacchan, that’s not what I meant!” he yelled, already stomping back towards the enormous crater in the wall separating Class 1-A from Class 1-B. 

 

“ Yeah? Well next time fucking specify!” Bakugou grumbled as he walked up to the hole and peered through it. " Well shit."

The rest of Class A peered through hesitantly behind him as well, at the shell-shocked Class B.

 

Kaminari cheered, “ He’s alive! The spider’s dead!”

 

Kirishima elbowed him out of the way to look for himself. “ Oh shit! You’re right!” He locked eyes with Tetsutetsu. “ Oh, hey Tetsubro! How’s it goin’?”

 

Tetsutetsu beamed back, “ Good, bro! You?”

 

Vlad, who was on his feet now, shouted, “ Tetsutetsu !”

 

He had the decency to look embarrassed at the least when he grinned sheepishly, “ Aha! Sorry, Vlad King Sir!” 

 

Vlad King groaned to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath so as not to lose his temper. “ Class 1-A. What, exactly, do you think you’re doing right now? What were you doing?!”

 

“ Uh, killing a little shit of a spider, obviously,” Bakugou scoffed. 

 

“ U-Um, I think what he means to say,” Midoriya stammered, “ W-Was that we’re really sorry, and it won’t happen again! … But yeah, w-we were also trying to kill a spider.” He gave him a wobbly smile, before perking up and scrambling to point at the barely twitching spider (more like charcoal, now) on the floor, as if that would make Vlad feel better.

 

The only adult in the room stared at all forty students incredulously. He pointed at the gaping hole in his classroom’s wall. “ And it took you destroying my class’ wall to accomplish that?!”

 

Todoroki, who peeked over the top of Bakugou’s shoulder lifted a finger to him. “ Technically it’s also our wall, too, Sir. And the hole is so wide that it practically makes this a large room as a whole, so now it’s neither your class’ nor ours’. It’s now one room. If that helps matters any, Sir.”

 

Deep breaths, deep breaths. “ Why - in any plane of imagination,” Vlad said, inwardly patting himself on the back for his patience, “ Would that ‘help matters any’?”

 

And Todoroki fucking shrugged.

 

Vlad was silent for a minute, staring at the damage in his class (which would take a while to repair) and the teenagers that had done said damage. 

Kodai stood up slowly. “ Um, Sir, should I still go find Mr Aizawa, or… ?”

He took a deep breath. “ Do whatever! I’m not even– You just–... I’m getting myself a damn coffee. Maybe Aizawa’s on to something there.”

 

And with that, he walked out, leaving the students alone with the wreckage.

 

⬽—+—⤘

 

Aizawa walked back to his class five minutes later, armed with a strong black coffee that may or may not have been spiked a little. 

 

He sighed as he sat at his desk and faced his class. 

He frowned at their very suspicious expressions. 

 

“ Where’s the spider?” Aizawa asked slowly, eyes narrowing. No one answered.

Kaminari glanced at him, then something behind him, then down again, sweating profusely. 

 

Against his better judgement, he sighed and turned in his chair–

 

To be met with a gaping hole in the wall that looked as if it had been attempted to be taped up but had failed miserably. He could see Class B reluctantly peering through the gaps in the tape. Tetsutetsu waved at him energetically. He turned back to his class just as slowly, giving them an incredulous look, as if saying, ‘Literally how the fuck?’

 

Sero slapped his knee. “ Damnit , he saw past the disguise.”

 

" It was supposed to last until at least the end of the day!" Ashdio whined, huffing.

 

“ How stupid do you think I am?” Aizawa asked, incredulous look unwavering. “ I’m a fully grown Pro Hero, not some toddler with a chew toy.”

 

“ In our defence,” Kaminari said with a very suspicious smile (and yes, Aizawa immediately suspected him), “ We were left unsupervised. Also, for once, I didn't do it.”

He didn't miss Midoriya and Bakugou giving him betrayed looks.

 

“ Yes, and I’m beginning to think that ‘I didn't do it’ is my new damn name,” Aizawa groaned. 

 

He didn’t know whether the fact that half the class was holding back giggles or the fact that he’d seen Vlad King on his way to the coffee machine (that guy never had coffee) was worse.

He put his head in his hands.

 

“ Um, Aizawa? ... Are you–”

 

“ I left you alone, with a spider,” Aizawa muttered, “ For five goddamn minutes.”




Notes:

im so funny arent i