Chapter Text
The soft breeze of spring swept through Mikasa’s hair, lifting the raven strands onto her eyes. She turned, covering her face from the wind and the sun, and looked towards that tree at the nearby hill, finding a small figure resting beneath its shadow. Her brows frowned softly, Eren had taken a small break halfway into their daily task of collecting firewood, and from where she was standing, although he promised to be right back, she could still see him napping.
She was left to collect everything on her own, but she accepted it. If Eren managed to finally rest peacefully for once, how could she possibly interrupt?
She made sure to collect some extra wood so she could drop it into Eren’s carrier when she returns to him. For now, though, she let herself look around and appreciate the calm that surrounded her. Today was sure to be a good day, she thought, and instinctively placed her hand gently on her chest where a metal key was hidden.
With that thought, she continued and soon enough, began to make her descent towards the tree in front of the inner gate of Shiganshina District.
—
In a blurry and almost blindingly bright field, he watched as a batch of blue flowers, the ones they often collected in their little outings, swayed gently with the wind. They were pretty and exactly the right shade of blue, and it made him want to reach out and grab them. Before he could though, they were stained with the deep red shade of blood. Suddenly, the peaceful scenery before him shuttered, and a giant mouth covered his vision, heading towards him, bloody and readily open.
Blood sputtered in the air, and a man’s face, frozen, pale, dead, came into view, staring right at him until being lifted off of the ground.
His vision fluttered, panic sinking in and painting his view with black spots. He watched a familiar field , the one he walked through every time he exited the inner gate, suddenly got infested with giant, man-eating monsters, it made his body crawl.
Blood and bits were sent flying, painting the large mouth in front of him as it continues biting, eating-
The gruesome scene cut suddenly, and he was now looking at a fireplace, warm and inviting, shining on the gold details and medals of a red military uniform laying on the rocking chair to his left. He’s never seen anyone wearing something like this before, where was it from…?
An array of children’s toys were left laying hazardly on the floor, seemingly abandoned in a hurry… something in him felt uneasy by the image but he didn’t know why…
The warm and safe feeling was snached away, replaced with dread as his eyes landed on the bodies littered all over the dark forest’s floor, bent unnaturally, broken, twisted, and he wanted to cry or scream or both because he knew them (from where?), he knew them all and now the were dead (he can’t see any of them clearly, but he knew them-!), gone (who are they?!-), they left him behind. (WHERE IS HE?!)
he struggled to breathe as he locked gaze with a familiar turquoise eye, unmoving, open wide in fear for all eternity. A wasp landed on the blood-stained sclera, summoned by the smell of a rotten corpse.
Goddesses, he was going to be sick.
Red filled his vision from all directions, no matter where he looked, blood seemed to follow. Blood and death, and people who looks so familiar yet not at all. He was spiraling, and suddenly his vision was filled with a grinning face, with a smile so wide it made him shiver and shake, and two large hands lifting a woman from what was once a house. She was kicking and struggling mid-air, and despair suddenly hit him like a brick. He screamed, he didn’t understand what was happening, and it was all too overwhelming, and he couldn’t do anything as his mother was-!
“Dad! Stop it, you're hurting me!” he cried out, trying to yank his hand back from his father’s tight hold. The hand around his wrist only tightened, frantically trying to keep him in place as the other held a syringe. “Eren! We don’t have much time left!” Tears trailed down his youthful cheeks, his body ached and lungs burned as he struggled to breathe. “This is for your own sake! Protect this power!”
Something small and sharp was poking him, and suddenly he felt like he was on fire. He screams and chokes in pain, and in the few moments his eyes meet his father’s, he is distraught to see tears trailing from them onto his usually calm and collected face, now frazzled and crazed. His head hurts, someone keeps screaming and he wants them to stop, please, just for a moment. He swallows something, wet and hot. his spit? Water? What is it? it's disgusting, tastes like metal. Dad, make it stop! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!
Eren’s eyes shot open, “Stop!”, he gasped, jumping to sit and look around. He frantically took in his surroundings, his vision blurry, his ears ringing and body rocking as he panted, trying to regain his breath. Everything was green and bright, and yet he felt panic closing in on him until a colorful blur quickly made its way to him.
"Eren!" It called, and Eren’s body unclenched because that voice was familiar and he could recognize it anytime and anywhere. The blur slowly cleared as Mikasa halted in front of him, quickly taking the wooden carrier off of her back and tossing it to the side. She crouched next to him, gazing over him in concern.
"What's wrong?" She asked, her concern oozed off of her in waves. He tried regaining his bearings, his vision clearing finally, and looked at her in a daze. Once he fully understood where he was, he let himself shakily shrug at her concern, trying to maintain a calm spirit.
"N-nothing’s wrong, Mikasa," He pressed two fingers to his temples, trying to rid himself of the ringing in his ears, "I fell asleep… and had a really weird dream, it was…” …
“…I don't remember what it was about…" That was weird… He could swear he remembered what happened in it, it had shaken him this badly after all…
She lifted her hand then, and gently passed her thumb against his cheek. His gaze shot up from the ground to her, confused, and she just met his eyes with a hard gaze, “you're crying.” He quickly brought a hand up to feel, and, yes, right where she touched ran a new tear down his face and onto the grass below. He was even more confused than before, what did he dream about? He simply shook it off, marking it as a problem for later, “Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.” He flicked her hand away.
Mikasa's eyes narrowed, mutely taking him in. After what seemed like forever, She stood up with a nod and picked the carrier back onto her back, "It’s almost noon, Miss Carla asked us to return in time for lunch." Eren looked up at her and nodded, thanking the Walls that she didn’t push the topic further. He lifted himself upright, still shaking the sleepiness from his body, refusing Mikasa’s offered hand, and dusted himself off.
He picked up his own carrier - heavier than it should have been, he noted, since Mikasa loaded some of her findings into his - and started heading towards the gate, knowing Mikasa was right behind him.
The District of Shiganshina was known to be one of the poorer districts within the Walls. As a part of an unspoken system, It was known by all that the closer you are to the Capital, the richer you are. Wall Sina was reserved only for the noblemen or those who eventually earned enough to live like one, Wall Rose was the home to the middle-class citizens that while not owning favors with the king, could still afford comfortable lives, and Wall Maria was home to most of the poor population within the Walls; Where it was either you wanted to save your money and decided that buying a house in Maria that was half of the price of that in Rose (and let’s not even TALK about Sina) was a good investment, or you grew up there and never moved out because you didn’t have a reason to. That was due to the fact that between the Walls, Maria was the closest to the titans, and Shiganshina in particular was deemed a ‘bad omen’ considering it was located in the southern edge of the Wall, meaning the biggest batches of titans always lingered there than anywhere else.
And while constantly held to an insultingly low standard, any person with even a pinch of common sense would be able to see its beauty from a mile away. It was lively, filled with merchants, street performers, and had a wide river that passed through the city which always attracted people to lounge beside it. You could see all kinds of people while traveling through the streets; families mindlessly strolling, couples basking in the sun and talking about who-knows-what, little kids running around and playing, and the old ladies that insisted on feeding the birds no matter how much they needed that piece of bread to get up in the morning. Eren always liked them the most, because while the chances of you being caught up in a conversation with them ended up being an hour long affair about how much you've grown - Eren hated how they would pinch his cheeks every chance they got - they would never let you leave without a little piece of sugar candy that Eren couldn’t live without.
They continued on with their walk as he urged Mikasa to not tell anyone about what happened at the field. She could only suggest he talk to someone about it, maybe seek medical attention and he shook his head, claiming that there was no reason to since it was just a bad dream. They both knew what she meant was that experiencing his countless nightmare of the month, or even the past year, wasn’t exactly the pinnacle of mental or physical health, and that maybe he should finally do something about it instead of letting it be and suffering in silence. And while he knew she was correct, and that her concerns were somewhat justified, he just didn’t see the big deal she was making it out to be.
And as she once again insisted on the matter, he pulled the ‘doctor’s son’ card, claiming that according to the years his father spent drilling medical knowledge and practices into his head, he was in a position to decide whether he needed to see a doctor or not.
Bringing that fact forward hurt, both Eren and Mikasa knew and felt it, the thought of Grisha Jaeger still leaving a raw kind of feel in them both, and that made her finally drop it and continue their walk towards the gate in silence.
—-
“I”m still telling Miss Carla you slept while I did all the work.”
“What?! I wasn’t sleeping, I was just laying down! Big difference!”
“with your eyes closed?”
“Yes! It’s perfectly nor-” “While snoring?”
“I don’t snore!”
They bickered while walking through Shiganshina’s gate, passing through occasional familiar faces and greeting them shortly.
“Mhm, sure. And you don’t cry either.”
“I wasn’t-!”
“Yo Eren! What are you crying about?”
And of course they chose the perfect timing to pass through the only Garrison soldier that actually knew them.
“Mr. Hannes…” Eren greeted the soldier awkwardly, trying to save face as best as he could in front of the smirking blonde man.
Hannes has been a family friend for as long as Eren could remember, probably even before that. He had known that his father saved Hannes’ family from the plague that struck Shiganshina years before he was born, and that Hannes had been in “debt” to the Jaegers ever since. Hannes was like an uncle to him in a way, he was practically Eren’s babysitter from the moment he was born until he was 5, and whenever he came over to visit or just saw him while on wall duty or just patrolling the city, Hannes made it his mission to both playfully tease Eren in front of everyone who would listen and make sure to stop him from getting into unnecessary trouble. The former often made Eren consider just how he would manage to toss the man to the nearest garbage can, but he also often appreciated how he was one of the only people who willingly listened or actually allowed him to talk about the military and his dream to join the Survey Corps, promising he would keep it between them. He offered a sort of familial connection and with it, freedom, that Eren never experienced with his parents, and that alone made Eren look forward to every time Hannes and his wife came over for dinner.
Once Armin and him became friends and Mikasa later joined their little group, Hannes immediately considered them family, just like he did Eren. He would pay closer attention at patrol for any signs of bullies, sat with them both while talking about his experience in the military and all the small details that fascinated the two boys, would sneak books from libraries all over the Walls for Armin, and while he and Mikasa hadn’t been able to truly connect yet, with her being the timid and closed-off kid she was and him being used to constantly being surrounded by rowdy and opinionated children, the only thing he could think of doing for now was to pass her some of the candies designated for Eren and teach her the best way to beat up people with bad intentions, both for her sake and her friends’. And while it wasn’t much, Mikasa’s small smiles and relaxed posture around him showed it was greatly appreciated.
“Did Mikasa get on your case or somethin’?” The blonde asked, crouching just a little so he could talk to them face to face. Eren immediately locked eyes with him, irritation clear on his face, “Huh?” Hannes shrugged, “well, if you’re crying there must be a reason-”
“What makes you think I was crying?!” Eren exclaimed defensively, although redness surely already painted his ears, framing him. He took a step forward, instinctively ready to lightly smack the blonde so he would back off, but he stepped back in disgust, “Woah! You reek of alcohol!” He frowned, looking at the other soldiers to their left, too engrossed in their own conversation -”...Im telling you, she was totally looking at me, you’re just blind…”- and from the slurred speech and flushed skin, Eren quickly realized it was just that.
“Oh…” Eren huffed, glancing at Hannes and then at Mikasa, who looked as resigned as ever, “You’re drinking again…” Eren felt… Disappointed. He expected something a little more… professional from all the stories Hannes constantly told them.
“Oh, don’t sound so disgusted, Eren!” Hannes chuckled, “what, you want to join in?” he teasingly handed a bottle towards Eren and Mikasa, who quickly took a step back. Eren was quick to divert, “Um… Don’t you have work to do?”
Hannes immediately smiled, taking the bait, “Yup! We’re guarding the Walls today!” He proudly pointed to himself and the other soldiers, who were in the middle of an intense card game, “We’re stuck here all day, and we were pretty hungry and thirsty, so if a little booze happened to fall into our hands, It’s pretty reasonable we’d help ourselves to it, won’t you say?” he grinned mischievously, but all Eren could feel at the moment was irritation rise in him, “Wh- What if something happens?! Can you even fight like this?!” he asked accusingly, face twisting.
Hannes just tilted his head in confusion, “What do you mean ‘if something happens’? W-”
Eren cut him off then, voice getting louder , he was clearly not letting this go, “You know exactly what I mean! What if they break through the Walls and get into the city?!”
“Shit-” Hannes clutched his head, wincing from the sudden volume increasing, “Walls Eren, lower your voice a bit, will you?” He looked back to see the other soldiers stopped their game in order to see what all the noise was about, and once they saw Eren and Mikasa, they immediately realized the situation and smirked, “You’ve got spunk kid! You sure you don’t want some?” they lifted the empty bottles as a joke, “it sure could calm you down a little!” They laughed amongst themselves, and while Hannes let a small chuckle out, he could see Eren clutching his fists, getting more annoyed by the minute.
“And besides,” another one called out, “If one of them uglies get inside we’ll take care of them, no big deal! But, you do know that hasn’t happened in a hundred years, right?” They once again chuckled and Mikasa had to grab Eren’s arm to stop him from marching over there and challenging full-grown men to a battle to the death. While she quietly watched the scene transpiring, she did agree that drinking on the job was stupid and irresponsible, and even if Eren’s reasons were a bit extreme, the alcohol did make them slower, dumber, much easier to target or get through. That could easily ruin their performance and lead to someone getting hurt. She could see why Eren would get so mad, but at the end of the day, there was nothing anyone could do about it.
Eren, though, had a different approach, “Still! There is nothing more dangerous than being complacent like that!” He shouted, frustrated at their calm. Didn’t they see how bad it could be to be caught unprepared like this?
“I can’t really argue with that.” Hannes shrugged, seeming to genuinely consider his words, “Still, they’re another story.” The blonde then turned around, looking over his shoulders to the wall looming ahead, “When you’re a soldier, you get to see those things roaming around outside while you’re on Wall reinforcement duty and stuff. Real ugly mugs, let me tell you,” He chuckled, but his tone turned resigned, “These walls are fifty meters tall, though. I can’t see them getting through.” He shrugged again, and turned to look at Eren once more.
Eren returned his gaze, disbelief drowned the turquoise of his eyes, “So then, you’re really not prepared to fight them…? You’re just hoping that they won’t ever break the wall and cause an issue?”
“Basically, yeah!” Hannes returned, sounding oddly pleased with the answer, and Eren saw red.
“What?!” they all flinched from the sudden increase in volume, “Then drop the ‘Garrison Regiment’ name for ‘Wall Construction Squad’ instead!” He growled, and Hannes and the other soldiers just burst in laughter, “Not a bad idea, Eren! Woah, you are funny when you want to be!” He wiped a tear from his eye, and returned his burning glare with a laid back stare, “But you have to understand, Eren. If a soldier is actually doing their jobs, that means things have seriously gone to hell. It’s better when people call us useless freeloaders, because that means peaceful times for us all. Whether we like it or not, people have hope as long as we get to laze around and do nothing, because there simply is nothing.”
Mikasa could feel him shake in anger, and gave his arm a small squeeze, both in warning and in comfort, and Eren tried with all his might to contain himself from killing Hannes right then and there, “Sure… We could live comfortably within the walls forever, and rely on the titans not doing anything, but that means we’ll be nothing more than cattle!” He shouted, and another soldier once again whistled, “that one is feisty, Hannes! You should bring him around more often, I’ve never been more entertained in my life!” They cackled, turning once again to their card game, not caring to see Eren’s reaction, not that they earned one.
Eren continued to look at Hannes, eyes baring into his soul, “drinking yourselves to death isn’t helping anyone, if anything it makes it more inviting for something to happen! At least in the stories you told me and Armin, you actually do your job! Was that a lie, just something you told us to think you were cool?-”
“Eren, I-”
“At least the Survey Corps go out there and TRY to get information, to do something! All you guys do is sit on your asses and get free booze! Why did you even become a soldier if it doesn’t amount to anything?!” Before he could say anything more, Mikasa yanked his arm and led him away from the gate, dragging him from Hannes and the mocking soldiers. As they continued walking, Hannes could only look at their backs, eyes wide as he took in Eren’s words. He couldn’t say what he said didn't hurt, after all, the military fanatic that was Eren truly meant a lot to him, and to have disappointed him like that stung a little. He shrugged it off, and returned to the turned wooden boxes they lounged on, placing the bottles aside. ‘Cattle huh…’.
Eren let Mikasa lead him away, all while he mentally threw every curse under the sun towards those damn soldiers, how could they laugh at something like this? They weren’t prepared? At all?! What was the point in having a military regiment dedicated to the walls if they didn’t have a plan in case something happened to them?! That was why he respected the Scouts so much, because they won’t just sit by and let everything continue as it does, they are working towards a goal, learning new things, trying to reach a new milestone against the titans! That is why he would enlist when he grows up, join the scouts and finally get out of this prison!
They walked away from the group, continuing up the tilted street that gazed upon the rest of the city. It seemed Mikasa could read his thoughts, "Eren, you should let that Scout Regiment fantasy go." She broke the comfortable silence, and Eren immediately yanked his hand from her grip in offense, "What? Mikasa, don't tell me you think they're a joke too…" he sounded betrayed.
"What people think of them isn't exactly the issue…" she muttered quietly. But before she could utter another word, a bell rang and her opinion was the least of his worries.
---
The issue was that the entire idea was suicidal, and that Eren didn’t seem to understand that, blindly willing to risk his life for the scouts and their ideologies.
She was willing to tie him to one of the lampposts if she had to, drill all of her thoughts on the stupid march towards death he so wholeheartedly wished to join, just so he would finally get it into his thick skull, but the big bell tower was suddenly brought into life, the one above the outer gate of the wall, ringing and cutting her off. Eren turned around, watching the gigantic piece of metal swing back and forth up above, letting the entire district know the gate was to be opened and that the Survey Corps had returned from their expedition.
"The scouts are back! Mikasa, c'mon I wanna see them!" He turned to her, his eyes shining with admiration and excitement. Mikasa was going to protest, mentioning once again that Carla was probably waiting for them and that they should hurry home, but Eren took her hand and began running towards the gate entrance, "We can see them if we hurry! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" She let her sigh get muffled by her red scarf as she let him drag her towards the main street.
She was still not letting him enlist. No matter how much his eyes seemed to shine once the scouts were nothing but mentioned, no matter how much he adores them, no matter how trapped he felt inside the walls. Him and Armin.
She was strong, stronger than the both of them, and that made her promise she would always be there to protect them.
So no, she will not let him slip through her grasp. Not even if the regiment was one of the very few things to make Eren's eyes truly light up like they always did before Grisha died.
She would not let him be a scout, he could have as much hope as he wants, he can watch the scouts march into the streets with broken limbs and spirits, with a quarter of the amount of soldiers they went out with, he could watch as a mother desperately searched for her son, only to be handed a bloodied arm wrapped in a stained cloth, he could watch as the commander broke down in tears, admitting that they were weak, that they gained nothing but death by going outside of the walls, and he could argue for their bruised honor against the doubting crowd of the district as much as he wanted. All of that and he could still see them as heroes and dream of being one of them.
But she would not let him die that way. Because he will die if he were to follow that path.
She would not let him become a simple reminder of how truly cruel this world was.
---
"We're home!" Eren called, walking inside with Mikasa trailing behind him. He looked straight to the kitchen to see his mother washing the dishes while humming a familiar tune, a german lullaby she particularly loved.
Carla Jaeger was one of a kind, ask anybody from Shiganshina that met her even once and they will agree without hesitation. A strong spirited, hot-headed, witty and awfully sarcastic woman with incredibly soft features that will puzzle even the smartest of men and women. Her face held constant warmth and safety, honey-toned skin complimented by big hazel eyes , with a beautiful smile and thick, sharp eyebrows to match her short-tempered heritage. If it weren’t for the glowing turquoise in his eyes and umber brown hair, Eren would’ve been her exact copy.
She turned around to greet them, smiling gently as they unloaded the wood to the basket near the stove. "Wow, Eren, you worked hard today!" Eren walked past her, washing his hands from the dirt that gathered on them, "huh? Oh, um, yeah sure…" he muttered, and yelped as she kneeled and teasingly pinched his ear, "what was that for?" He whined, making Carla chuckle and let go of his abused ear, "your ears are red, that means you have something to hide. Mikasa helped you again, didn't she?" He pouted, covering his flushed ear with his palm, providing her the answers she wanted. She laughed and placed a peck on his cheek, "go get the bowls for me okay? I have some soup ready for you two."
As he nodded and hurried to get them, Carla sent a look over to Mikasa and winked at her, showing her she knew who really did all the work. Mikasa covered the bottom half of her pale face with her scarf, making the woman chuckle at her adopted daughter's awkwardness.
They quickly started eating as Eren returned, relaxing in the comfortable silence that filled the house. Eren peeked toward the side of the table, where he placed the extra bowl he mistakenly picked up. He suddenly didn't have as much of an appetite as before, and gave up on the rest of the soup to just look at the bowl on the table.
Last year's events felt like they happened forever ago, and yet so close to the present. His father was alive, sitting with them at the table, listening as Eren filled the space with nonsense he felt like sharing, pointing at a line of one of his books that Eren needed to focus on, smiling when Eren got something right and shaking his head in amusement when he got something wrong. His father was never open with anything, his emotions were always kept in check, his words were calculated and thought out, he had his secrets that were respected by Carla, Eren and Mikasa, but it didn't mean he was a bad father.
He was away most of the time, had tons of patients all over the walls since he was so experienced, but that didn't stop him from making time for Eren and Mikasa if she so wished. That was also the case the day he disappeared. He and Eren were going on a walk, only for Eren to be found a couple of hours later, alone, walking through the woods outside of Shiganshina with his father's jacket wrapped loosely around his tiny body, shattered glasses in hand. He was eventually found, crying because he couldn't remember where he was and why he found his father's possessions left on the ground as he himself was nowhere to be found.
He was dismissed by the officers and doctors who checked him, told he possibly had slight memory loss, which was probably caused by a bad fall during the walk. Eren still thought about it, everyday, about how he was there with his father, and yet could do nothing about whatever happened to him.
He was angry at the Military Police who didn't try hard enough and declared his father dead merely days after his disappearance, he was mad at the people at the funeral who told him what a good man he was, that accepted his death and mourned him for a bit before returning to their normal lives, at Mikasa and Armin for trying to comfort him, at Mom for accepting it and hugging and kissing him even though he was to blame for it. He was so mad at himself for forgetting. He treated himself as if he was the one who murdered him with his bare hands the first couple of months. Now was not much better, not with his constant nightmares, not with his mother always looking at his dad’s things with a sad smile that didn't fit her beautiful face, not with Mikasa sighing whenever she walked near the basement, not when every time he looks at the books and tests and notes he left for Eren, he felt like he was going to vomit his whole stomach out.
"Eren…" his mom called, looking at him with a soft understanding gaze, "finish your soup, you're awfully pale today." She watched him nod and painfully sip the broth before tuning out his surroundings again.
Mikasa looked at them both before muttering, "Eren wants to join the Survey Corps."
Quickly, the quiet was replaced by a cup that fell from Carla's hand onto the counter and Eren's surprised squak of betrayal. Carla turned around and hurried over to the table, kneeling next to Eren and holding his shoulders with an iron grip, "excuse me?!" "You said you wouldn't tell!"
Mikasa simply sank into her seat.
"Eren, are you crazy?!" Carla demanded, look hardening as she looked at her son, "do you know how many people have died outside those walls?" Eren's eyes flared, "I know that!" Of course he knew, he's watched the scouts return from their expeditions since he was 5, he saw the blood, the injured, the bodies carried around in the wagon. But it wasn't about that, it didn't worry him. He wouldn't die, not until he saw the ocean, not until he was free.
"Then why-" "I want to know what the world is like beyond those Walls,” he yelled,
"I can’t stand having a life confined behind them! Also, if no one survives here. . .” Mikasa watched with her deadpan expression, “All those lives we lost would be for nothing!”
Carla shook her head, "Eren this isn't your burden to bare, this is dangerous and suicidal, I will-" Eren stood up suddenly, making the chair stumble backwards and fall on the ground with a loud smack, "what's dangerous is staying in this wretched place and waiting to become titan food! I would rather help humanity gain knowledge, see the outside world, be free rather than live like a caged animal!"
Before his mother could respond, he shook her grip off of his shoulders and ran through the door, "Eren!" Carla called out, but by the time she was out of the door, he was too far ahead. She watched Mikasa prepare to follow him before placing her hand on the girl's shoulder, "Mikasa, this boy is looking for trouble," she looked at her with wide eyes of desperation, "when he's in danger, please be there for him." Mikasa nodded, held her gaze for a moment to ensure she knew how seriously she would keep that promise, before running off in the same direction as Eren did moments ago.
Carla watched her go, aching to go herself and knock some sense into her boy. Eren has always been hot-headed, stubborn, determined. When he knows he wants something, he will never let it go. She guessed she had something to do with those particular traits, and she cursed how alike they turned out to be. She walked inside the house, trying to calm her nerves.
She aimlessly walked through the hall towards the children's bedrooms before stopping in front of a clothing hanger. It was mostly empty except for the large dark winter jacket that struck a chord in her heart. She thought she could hold the three of them by herself, she promised him, or rather the memory of him, that she would care for Eren and Mikasa as best as a parent can, that his assistance won't be needed, that he could rest in peace. She cursed.
"Grisha…" She whispered, dragging her feet towards the familiar jacket, "this boy…" she chuckled quietly, "this boy is going to be the death of me." She trailed her fingers down the black fabric, feeling her beloved husband's comforting touch so close yet so far beyond her reach. She sighed, took the jacket off the hanger, walked to the dining table and slumped on one of the chairs. Hugging it close to her chest, she buried her face into the material, “you did always say he resembled me a bit too much…” she laughed wetly, “you understand why I simply can’t let him do this, right? Oh, who am I kidding, you would have encouraged him, you damn lunatic…” She leaned back in defeat, looking to the ceiling up above, “If he goes, so will Mikasa and Armin… This is certain death we’re talking about! I can’t just let them out there!” She sobbed, “I can’t lose them too…”
Grisha would've told her to try and understand him. Eren always was a curious child, and his curiosity towards the outside world wasn't surprising in the slightest. But she didn't want to let him go. She told herself she would love him no matter what, whether he contributed to humanity or not. She told this to Keith and to Grisha, and she believed it wholeheartedly. And now, when it was obvious Eren was not going to budge on the idea of joining the Survey Corps... It scared her.
"I want to let him dream, I want to support him and his decisions but… Grisha, he needs to survive, I need him to live and grow old."
-
Mikasa ran through the streets of Shiganshina, following Eren's rushed footsteps. She could hear a cocky exclaim, followed by Eren's yell, and knew exactly what she was getting into.
She could see Armin on the floor, surrounded by the usual group of bullies mocking and picking on him. Mikasa didn't take long to send them a glare, murderous intent in her eyes, making the group cry out and run away. Not before they could land some good hits on Eren, that is. That hot-headed brother of hers would be the death of her.
"You didn't have to come…" She turned her gaze to Armin's still injured body on the floor and the hand Eren was landing to help their blond friend. If Eren was stubborn when it came to people helping and "pitying" him, Armin was the same tenfold. Armin got up on his own, leaving Eren to awkwardly lower his hand, “I had it under control.” he muttered, shrugging off the dust caught on his clothes and wincing at the painful movement. Eren immediately took offense to that, “huh?! those assholes were beating you up just now! of course we had to come and help you!” He took a hold of Armin’s arm, lifting it so he could examine it further, “you have to stop letting them do whatever the hell they want, Armin. They don't get to beat the shit out of you just because you're the ‘bigger man’ and won’t fight back!”
Eren hated that excuse. Armin was a genius and had much more self awareness than the other kids in all of Shiganshina. That didnt mean it gave him the right to let himself be taunted and played with like a helpless lamb by the others. He always told him and Mikasa that “he will prove them wrong” and that “he won't stoop to their level!” But was that really helping? He was letting himself get hurt in the name of proving he was right, and even if Eren would be a hypocrite to judge that way of thinking, at least he threw a punch. At least he didn't give up on his ideals while also actively defending himself.
Watching Armin get hurt, it made his blood boil.
Armin didn't argue with him, maybe he was just too tired to. Mikasa just watched the two, checking their surroundings to make sure a second group wouldn't gang up on them.
They eventually moved themselves to the concrete stairs near the river, relaxing under the warm afternoon sun. Eren was trying to clean the cut on Armin’s cheek while Mikasa sat a couple stairs above them, watching them quietly.
“ I said humanity needs to venture into the outside world at some point-” Armin winced as the wet cloth pressed against his cheek, which Eren muttered an apology for, “...and then they beat me up and called me a heretic.”
Eren’s brows frowned, “why does everyone look down on people for wanting to go outside?!” It was absurd. You’d think the idea of living in those suffocating walls would be commonly hated among the people here, but apperantly everyone were just that fucking comfortable with being caged.
“Well, because we've had a hundred years of peace by staying inside the walls.” Armin answered, looking at the flowing water of the river with a slight hint of defeat in his voice. “The outside world is so dangerous that it's considered madness whenever someone even suggests that they want to get out. No sane person would take that risk. The royal government's policies made sure it’ll look like that, at least.”
“It’s our lives! we can risk ‘em if we want to!” Eren snapped, and Mikasa frowned, sending a threatening look to the brunette, “absolutely not.”
Eren locked his eyes with her, “oh you don't have a say in this Mikasa! You ratted me out to mom!” he glared, and Mikasa only shrugged, “I never said I wouldn’t.”
“Huh? What are you-?” Armin asked, and Eren immediately turned to the blond with an irritated expression, “she told mom I want to join the Survey Corps and she got pissed! I knew it would happen, that’s why I thought Mika wouldn't say anything!” he cried out, hands flailing to the sky in anger.
Armin looked sympathetically, reaching out his hand to settle Eren’s fidgeting body. “I mean, I didn't expect anything else…” Eren groaned, leaning his elbows back on the stairs, “people are crazy if they think we'll be safe inside these walls forever.'' Nothing stands forever, and neither will humanity’s luck. That was just a fact.
Armin hummed and nodded, “Just because the walls haven't fallen for a hundred years doesn't guarantee that they won’t fall eventually, even today…”
They stayed in a not-so-comfortable silence, looking up to the sky. It was a calm spring afternoon, cool in a comfortable kind of way. The sky was a gradient of light turquoise and orange, filled with soft-looking clouds. Eren would've appreciated the sight more if not for the current topic that made him fidget with unease.
Of course, the idea that the walls will fall was no less than true… but today? The thought made him shiver.
His train of thoughts was rudely interrupted by a small itch at his nape, something he could've easily brushed aside were it not for the sudden increase of the sting that made him jolt in pain.
“Eren?” He heard his friends voice their concerns, but it was cut off by a loud boom that shook the ground. Their small bodies violently flew from the steps onto the stone floor, surely earning them a couple of bruises.
Mikasa was the first to rise, quick to help Eren and Armin up. Armin looked around, “W-what was that?!” all three did not have an answer to give. They quickly ran to an open section of the streets, where a commotion formed. Questions were frantically asked, trying to place the blame for the sudden disturbance on something that made sense; an explosion? something that fell? But if so, how did the ground move from something so trivial? Armin tried to make sense of the situation, desperate to believe everything was just fine.
And then someone yelled to look up at the wall.
And the world froze.
The wall was 50 meters high. It always looked so big, so inhuman. There was not a chance it was made by mankind. But now, as he looked up, it may have lost a bit of that godly presence in Armin’s mind. Because there was a hand. A huge, steaming hand, stripped to its muscles and tendons like the anatomy books in Eren’s house showed, grabbing the wall. Its fingers were the same width as the entire top surface of Wall Maria.
The situation could have been taken from the dumbest horror stories the children would make up at night, but this was real, and suddenly, Armin, Mikasa, and Eren felt the realization of just how small they are dawn on them.
Armin’s body was frozen, “T-that wall… it’s 50 meters high! What the hell- “ ''Armin.” he was cut off with Eren’s voice. It wasn't normal, it was shocked to its core, not believing what he was seeing. At any other time, Mikasa would have checked if he was sick at the sudden change of tone, but she was frozen just like they all were.
Eren’s gaze was locked on the hand,and its grip that broke the edges of the wall, “it's a titan.” he whispered, watching in silent terror as it rose to its full length, slowly revealing its face, broadcasting its smoking red face to match its hand.
The people around them - grown men, women and children - have gotten to the same conclusion. Panic started to rise, but not fast enough to run before the titan moved. It was almost mentioned by Armin before another boom was heard, jumping from wall side to wall side, creating a sound that hurt Armin’s ears. The sudden movement made Armin clench his eyes closed and duck his head behind his hands, not aware of what just occurred. As he opened his eyes once more, he was met with the sight of huge pieces of rubble and concrete flying onto the streets of Shiganshina, crushing trails, houses, and people, and a hole that was currently visible in the wall. A hole in Wall Maria. A hole big enough to let big things inside.
“I-it… opened a hole in the wall…”
Not even seconds after, Armin, Mikasa and Eren saw the most ugly, horrifying creature they've ever seen in their lives. With a smile so big and eyes so lifeless that it was sure to mark their minds forever. A titan, the second the trio has ever seen, has gotten inside the wall. There was nothing to protect them anymore.
“It got inside!” “Run!!” Screams of terror were heard all over the district as people started fleeing the streets, trying desperately to reach the exit of the town at the other side of the wall while debrit still flew and threatened to smash into them. Armin snapped out of his shock earlier than his two friends, looking around the running mob before grabbing Mikasa’s arm, “we should run too!” he looked around to reach Eren as well, “Eren!” Both he and Mikasa yelled as they spotted the brunette stumbling towards the approaching titans, “my… our house is in that direction!” his eyes locked on a point next to the wall, nearer to the titans, nearer to the flying debris, “my mom was in there!” he yelled, not wasting any time before rushing towards his street, carelessly running through the running mob.
“Eren!” Mikasa called out, releasing her arm from Armin’s grip and running to chase the brunette. Armin just stayed frozen and watched them helplessly. “DON’T-” he reached his hand out, trying to reach them, to run after them, to stop them, to do something. Instead, he felt his shaking legs unable to take another step either direction. He was scared, and tears swelled in his eyes, “the titans are going to overrun the city…” He looked back, and decided what he needed to do. He took his shaking legs and ran. Faster than he ever did in his life.
—
“Eren! Stop!” he heard Mikasa call, but he couldn't stop running. Because his mother was in the house the last he saw her, and he couldn't be sure if she managed to run to safety or has been crushed by the rubble until he saw her with his own two eyes. ‘It couldn't have hit our house!’ he argued with himself, ‘it's too much of a coincidence! you'll see! As I turn this corner, our house will be just fine! it'll be standing there just like always!’
He stopped only when his eyes laid upon the state of his home, eyes widened and mouth hung open in shock.
His house was completely smashed, a huge chunk of the wall landed right in the middle. It didn't even look like a house anymore. He was ready to just stay frozen in place until he spotted black beneath the ruins, snapping him out of it immediately. “MOM!” he screamed, running up to the house, stumbling on the pieces of rock and wood that laid on the ground. Mikasa let out her own alarmed noise at the state of their home and sprinted after him.
And there she was, eyes closed and a trail of blood staining her beautiful black hair and face. “MOM! Mom, wake up!” Eren called, crouching before her shaking her awake. “Eren…?” He looked at her fluttering eyes,and cried in relief. She was alive, that was good.
opening her eyes fully, she took in the scenery in front of her, “w-what are you doing here-” she laid her gaze upon a titan walking through the other street, and all color drained from her face, “EREN! MIKASA! Run, what are you doing here?!”
Eren and Mikasa paid no attention to her though, “Mikasa! Help me lift that pillar!” Mikasa frantically nodded, following to copy him and planting her tiny hands beneath the wooden log that trapped Carla, trying to lift it with all the strength in her small body. “The titans,” Their mother pointed out, “they’ve gotten inside…” she shook away her shock, “Eren! Take Mikasa and run to the entrance gate!” But Eren just continued his struggle against the heavy material, “EREN! Get out of h-” “YOU DON'T THINK I WANT TO?!” He shrieked, paranoia obvious in his voice, “I’m scared mom! So that’s why you need to hurry and get out of that damned house!!”
“Eren.” nothing. “EREN!” “WHAT?!” Why was she so stubborn to let her die?! Did she think he was that much of a shitty son that he would just let her stay here?! “The debris has crushed my legs…”
Oh.
“Even if I do get out, I won't be able to run.”
Eren looked at her, tears finally starting to slide down his cheeks, and then at Mikasa. She was panicking too.
He should've ran. Every other person would have ran as soon as they saw the hole that the titan blew into the wall. And yet, he continued to fight with the pillar, not giving the splinters that punctured his skin and left a bloody mess on his hands a second thought. Because letting the fact dawn on him, that there is nothing he could do to save the only parent he has left, was too much for his mind to handle.
“Are you listening to me?! I can't-”
“Then I'll carry you!”
“Why can’t you ever listen to me?!” she desperately shouted, and Eren only clenched his eyes closed and focused on the rubble at his palms. If he’d listen to her she would be left here to die. He would rather be squashed under a titan’s foot before he gives up on his mother.
“Why can't you do this one last thing for me?” she wailed, practically begging. She turned to Mikasa, meeting her wide and petrified eyes, “Mikasa, please…!” but the girl just furiously shook her head and continued to struggle with the house’s ruins “no… NO!”.
Giant steps could be heard a couple meters away from them, slowly and heavily coming towards them. Both children chose not to look up to prevent themselves from freezing again.
Carla, however, had other priorities, “If you don't get out of here then the three of us…” her free hand reached out to grasp Eren’s jacket, “Eren for the love of Maria, please get out of here!”
That was when a zipline sound blessed Eren and Mikasa’s ears. Carla gasped, “Hannes!” Eren quickly turned to the man, now hurrying towards them and the approaching titan. “Take the kids and get out of here!” Eren turned to his mother, angry at the implication. He hurried to open his mouth to protest but Hannes cut him to it, “Don't go underestimatin' me, Carla,” he smirked, looking down to Carla and the children, “I'm gonna slaughter these Titans and save all three of ya!”
Eren let a relieved and wide smile rise on his lips, “Mikasa! Come on, let's get rid of this shitty piece of wood!” Hannes was here! And he was going to help then save his mom, and they were going to run away from here together! Mikasa nodded, determination flooding her tired body.
“Wait! Don’t fight them!” Carla yelled, not as pleased with Hannes’ declaration.
Hannes marched towards the titan, ripping his twin blades from their holders and gripping them tightly, challenging the titan to come any closer. It, of course, continued mindlessly moving.
He could obviously just take the kids and run. That would be the smart move. But Hannes had a debt to pay to Grisha Jaeger, and if it took the form of an ugly-ass titan he had to kill before it came for the man’s wife and kids, that was just fine with him. So what if he had never killed a titan before? So what if he had alcohol flowing in his system? He was a seasoned soldier and there will be nothing stopping him from-
Oh.
His body froze. That wasn't supposed to happen.
He looked up in terror, and the titan looked back, stopping in its tracks to gaze upon the small blond man in front of it, its eyes burning marks into his skin and creating a pit in his stomach. The smile on the thing’s face was wide and sinister, never did he know a titan could look so happy to meet its next meal.
The first thing he did as his mind regained control of his body was return his blades into the metal sheaths on both sides of his hips, deciding on the next best option. Which was answering Carla's wish.
Mikasa looked up from the rubble at the sound of metal meeting metal, and couldn't do anything before Hannes marched towards the three of them and began picking both her and Eren on his shoulders.
Eren protested immediately, yelling and kicking the running man, "HANNES?! What are you doing?! My mom…!"
His mother smiled, "Thank you Hannes!" She yelled, and you could hear the shakiness in her voice. She lifted her hand, as if reaching out to Eren's own stretched-out arm, "Eren! Mikasa! I beg of you, live!" But her children only continued to get far, far away.
They were safe. Hannes got them. But her? Carla began to weep, pressing her bloody hand to her mouth, muffling the cries that escaped her lips,"...please don't go…!" She whispered, begging whatever's out there to save her, to let her have more time with her children. To let her hug Eren and not have their last conversation be a screaming match she will never get to apologize or forgive him for, to spend more time with Mikasa. To see them grow into young adults and die knowing they were safe.
She didn't want to die.
That was all she could utter from her mouth, a chant of pleas to keep living, to care for her children for a bit longer, as the loud booms of the titan's footsteps began hurting her ears. It was right on top of her, crouching to dig her body from her destroyed home. All while Eren and Mikasa watched.
She closed her eyes, maybe that would spare her from the sight of both her children watching her get eaten.
Eren's eyes widened, "NO! STOP!" He didn't know if that scream was meant for Hannes or the titan, but he continued screaming anyway. He thrashed in the blond's grasp, trying to shove his arm away from him, but he was too weak for it. But then, the titan finally found his mother. He lifted her up into the air, while she kicked and screamed and fought for her life with all her remaining strength. She lied. Her legs weren’t crushed after all.
Eren couldn't leave her. He threw a punch to Hannes' face, shocking him enough to shake the grip around his torso and fall to the ground. Without hesitation, he scrambled to his feet, running towards the titan, and Mikasa, who just watched the scene unfold with wide eyes, called for him with a terrified scream.
Eren just kept running, and Hannes stopped in his tracks, yelling at him to come back and demanding he stops acting like a suicidal maniac, but Eren couldn't stop. His body hurt, and he felt like collapsing any second, but he continued on until he was right in front of the titan, who still had a tight grip on his mother.
"STOP IT!" He screamed, panicked and unhinged, picking up anything in his vicinity, a rock, a stick, a piece of broken china, and throwing it at the titan in a frenzy, "I SAID FUCKING STOP! LET HER GO!" but it didn't listen. It lifted its other hand to meet with the other, gripping the still-fighting woman's upper body and pulling.
It was like trying to open a jammed jar, it pulled and twisted his mother, earning cracks of broken bones. It lifted his hand to reveal his mother's body, lifeless and broken.
And all he could do was watch. All he could ever do apparently, in the entire 10 years he lived in those damned walls, was watch. He was useless, weak, unable to act and forced to watch his two parents being taken from him. It wasn't fair. First his dad, and he couldn’t even remember it, and now… he couldn't do a thing but watch as a smiling titan crushed his mother and slowly brought her up to its mouth, giddily preparing to enjoy every bit of its kill.
His beautiful and strong mother was reduced to a mangled corpse right in front of his eyes.
His ears were ringing, someone was screaming… Was it him? He couldn't tell. Everything was numb. Tears littered his face, crying hysterically for his mother that won't be able to come and tell him it was just a dream and that she was okay and that she loved him, pleading for her to come back, for the titan to get his disgusting hands off her, for forgiveness, for one last conversation that didn’t end in an argument. He blinked as the combination of hot tears and dust burnt his eyes.
And when he opens them, he is forced to see how his mother is chomped up in half, her blood littering the titan’s body, the street below, and him, who just stared in horror and disbelief. He fell to the floor, hugging himself tightly and weeping.
Mikasa, still on the shoulder of a frozen Hannes, watched as their mother was being devoured, and she wanted to scream.
It all scared her. Eren screamed the loudest he ever did, his voice broken and shaking and hurting, and his cries broke her already aching heart. The streets filled with wails and screams and choked sobs, so raw it hurt Mikasa's ears.
She cried, her helplessness confused her, Carla's blood that flew all over the walls and floor were a reminder she was truly alone. Why? Why did she have to witness another one? Was the day she watched as traffickers stabbed her father and put an axe through her mother's throat not enough? Was the day she had to bury her adoptive-father's casket without a body not enough? It wasn't fair. Why was everyone she loved forced to leave her behind?
Her breath hitched as the titan turned to Eren, now smiling at the brunette with the same giddy smile that bit through Carla. It reached out a hand, and she struggled against Hannes’ grip. Reaching out to the boy, she got out of the man’s hold, hurrying to advance towards her brother - should the risk of dying to save Eren rise, she will not hesitate - but she didn't make it.
—
He wanted his mama.
Was this really how his life was going to end?
Eaten by the same titan that killed his mother? That still had his mother’s blood painting its mouth and body?
He was supposed to live, to join the Survey Corps, to see the ocean with Armin, to ensure his family could live safely, freely. He was supposed to be the first field medic of the scouts. Did his dreams really mean nothing to anyone and anything? Was he really so insignificant?
Mikasa is watching. Hannes is watching. Armin is waiting for them both at the entrance gate. Could he really not fight back at all? Was his destiny really to be eaten in front of his family? That’s it?
He wanted his mama. She would hold him close and never let go, kiss his temple and tell him everything was alright, she would-
She was gone, and her blood was staining his shaking body. She was never coming back.
He was asking a lot of questions and none of them were getting answered. He didn't have time to ponder about his existence. That thing took his mother, his home. It was going to take him soon, clench him between its huge fingers, crush his body, eat and leave nothing behind. Leave Eren Jaeger to be nothing but a fading memory in the history of mankind.
But… He didn't want to die. He had so much to do, he couldn't give up on it now. He couldn’t do this to Mikasa and Armin, to his mother and father.
He was never strong enough. Not even to defend Armin from those bastard bullies, who by now, were probably a smeared remain underneath a concrete boulder. He could never be strong enough…
But what if he could? What if he could crush this titan for what it did, leave nothing but ashes out of it, and protect Mikasa and Hannes. What if he was given an opportunity to make this world much smaller, to humble it a bit? To take rightful revenge for his mother and humanity?
Huh. Weird. Those didn’t really feel like HIS thoughts right now, and his body was suddenly tingling. Like he was rubbing his socks against a carpet, like when lightning was about to strike.
He wanted his mama. He wanted his mama. He wanted his mama.
If he could, would he take the offer? Of course he would!
Even if it would cost him his life? Yes.
Even if it would cost him his freedom? …yes.
Even if it would cost him seeing Armin’s eyes shine as they see the famed ocean? …
Even if it would cost him seeing Mikasa ever again? …
Would he sacrifice his life, being, ambitions, and happiness to save Mikasa and Armin?
Yes. With no hesitation.
He let this conclusion, his rage, his desperation, and his love towards the only family members he had left all sink and mold into one thought, one promise repeating over and over in his head as he let out a final scream before blinding light and quiet darkness consumed him;
Protect them. Without hesitation.
—
Mikasa could see the titan’s hand beginning to reach for Eren. It was weird, he was too small compared to it. She never truly saw Eren as “small” or “weak” - he was filling way too much space with his shouts and opinions everywhere they went - but now was a wake-up call. That their world was way too big and way too dangerous. Her concerns about the bullies and the Survey Corps seemed so far away as she gaped at Eren’s curled up frame, waiting to be snatched into a titan’s hold.
She was powerless. Once again, she froze as her family was in danger. She wanted to cry, to scream for Eren to come to her, to snap him out of his trance so he could run to her, but she hated herself for letting out nothing. She couldn't do anything but watch in silent horror.
With the titan’s hand meters away from Eren’s still-hysterically-crying figure, Mikasa felt a violent shiver go through her spine, shaking her to her core. She gasped and suddenly she wasn’t frozen anymore. Just like when Eren was choked nearly to death by one of the traffickers, her shaking body has abruptly stilled, her mind focused, and gaze sharpened. Her feet lifted to prepare for a sprint, to reach Eren and get him the hell away from the monster, to kill it with her bare hands if she had to. She angled herself forwards, ready to hurry to his side, but she suddenly saw Eren shakily stand up, scream so loud it was sure to shake the walls surrounding them and reach a spread-out hand towards the titan centimeters away from him. Before her foot even struck the ground, lightning ripped through the clouds and landed with a ground-shattering boom on the ground below. Right where Eren stood.
She gasped and Hannes was quick to yank and cover her with his body, protecting her from the dust and glass that flew to every direction. Her nose and lungs filled with the smell of sulfur, blocking her airways.
As the ground stopped shaking, she quickly ripped herself from Hannes’ body, not waiting for his protest as she began coughing, painfully begging her lungs to start working. She retched before finally breathing again, crying in relief as sweet air finally filled her system. She looked over to Hannes, tears formed from her body’s effort now sliding down her chubby cheeks, but she didn't meet his eyes. He was looking over his shoulder, not letting her see his expression.
And suddenly the situation dawned on her once more, and her heart sank. She cursed her body, lifting herself from the floor quickly, looking over to where Hannes’ gaze laid, to where the titan was, to where Eren was-
And air was taken from her all over again.
Because where Eren kneeled only seconds ago, was a clear, hard and shiny material spread all over the street. It covered the houses around them, the flowers, the rubbles of her and Eren’s home, sharp and messy, like an explosion. It was colored by hues of purple and multiple shades of blue. A crystal.
And while the sight was strangely beautiful, Mikasa could focus on only two things; The titan didn't move an inch, and that was because it was currently steaming - dead. A sharp chunk of rock was piercing the titan’s nape, clean cut and all the way through, killing it instantly. That and the blurry silhouette of a child inside the crystal, facing the titan, reaching a hand right where the spear shot towards the steaming body. She knew it was Eren. The rock formed a protective layer over him, a bubble covering him from the outside world.
She let herself be relieved for a second. The titan was dead and Eren was safe, right? She just needed to get him from the crystal and get the hell away from there.
But the rock was not breaking or dissolving, and Eren was still as a statue inside of it. And that was when the true panic started to flood Mikasa’s tiny body. Was Eren even alive?
“...Eren…?” she called out to him, her voice still hoarse and weak. She got up on her feet, not minding Hannes’ body that was still on the floor, too shocked to stand. She slowly moved herself towards the rock, urging herself to stop stumbling and rush to Eren, to help him. Cool air was pooling down from the crystal and onto the streets, and she flinched when it touched her feet. Before she could take another step, Hannes already tightly gripped her arm, not daring to let go no matter how much she tried to yank it back. He quickly got up, fixing up his wires, and lifted her to his arms. Mikasa didn't notice nor cared at the time, but the lightning attracted other titans’ attention, leading them all to the street where they were currently at. But all she could care about was Eren, so she struggled, punching and biting and scratching the blond soldier, all to stop him from taking her away from there.
“Hannes… Eren is-”
“I know, but we don't have enough time to check.” he stated, tone serious and grim and unmoving. But that wasn't what she wanted to hear. “I don't know if he is breathing- I don't know if he can breathe in there…!” she hysterically mumbled, letting herself go on and on as Hannes began running away from her home, from where she last ever saw Carla, where Eren was stuck, where the rock may be killing Eren, or already holding his corpse.
No no no nonononono Eren couldnt be dead, she promised Carla and herself to keep him safe, she promised! She couldn't just abandon him in titan-infested land, how dare Hannes take her away from her brother, how dare he?! She began crying, screaming for Hannes to stop, to turn back, to return for Eren, to let her save him. She was strong, she could always protect him and Armin, why couldn't she save him now? When it mattered!
She begged and wailed and threw defeated punches at Hannes while he could only let her express her grief in the rawest and loudest way he ever heard her let out. He bit his lip, not trusting to not burst in tears before they reached safety.
As quickly as her hysteric cries began, they stopped, replaced with a deadly quiet directed towards Hannes. It was not until they reached the end of the streets that Mikasa sent a harsh smack to Hannes’ head, and then an elbow to his shoulder, and hit after hit that landed everywhere she could reach, until Hannes violently tossed her onto the concrete floor, gripping her shoulders with an iron grip that shook her, “Can you stop it for one second?!” he shouted, looking at her dark eyes, “What will this accomplish, idiot?!”
“You left him. You took me away from him. He could be dead or dying and you-”
“You really think you could save him?” Hannes asked, his tone dead serious and gaze scorching her skin, “You are strong. But you are nothing but a child. You wouldn’t have been able to do anything even if I would've let you. You are a weak child. And neither you nor I could’ve saved him because I’m a coward too.” Mikasa quieted down, stilled like stone, with eyes so broken looking at Hannes it almost made him want to offer himself as a titan mid-afternoon snack.
He took her hand, now that she couldn't do anything but comply, and dragged her to the entrance gate, escorting her all the way to the rescue ferry on the river leading to Wall Rose. The boarding station was packed with panicking citizens, yelling and begging to be let in the ferry, some even jumping to it, hoping to force their way up there but missing the rails and falling to the waters. That sight alone could have been a scene straight out of a horror story.
Hannes sat her down, and hesitated to leave her unresponsive body all alone, but all soldiers were called to help fight off the titans, and so he only wiped the dirt that coated her cheek gently before hurrying away to his fellow soldiers. He truly was a coward. Not only could he not face a titan and save the Jaegers, the people whom he considered a second family, but he couldn't even say a simple “i'm sorry” to a heartbroken little girl.
That fact would surely hunt him for eternity.
—--
Armin worried.
He felt he was going insane with every person that boarded the ferry. He hoped telling Hannes where Eren and Mikasa ran off to would assure they get out safely, he was sure he would board the wooden boat with his grandpa, wait a couple minutes, and see Mikasa, Eren and Miss Jaeger get on and sit next to him, he was sure he would smack them both for being this stupid and hug them for surviving.
But they weren’t here, and his hope faded with every passing second.
A blond man in a military uniform appeared, walking up the wooden log heading to the surface of the boat, and leading a young girl with a dirty and ripped dress. Armin tried to detect who they both were, but before he could figure it out, the soldier left, and the girl was left sitting alone against the rails. Now that the blond didn't cover her, Armin could finally see her fully, and the second it clicked in his brain, he gasped and quickly got up, running and embracing Mikasa as hard as he could.
He could feel tears of relief run down his cheeks, his fists clenched Mikasa’s cardigan, in such a hurry to assure himself she was here, alive and breathing, he didn't have the mind to notice the empty space next to her.
He let her go finally, facing her and giving her a teary and wide smile. That smile, however, faded the second he met Mikasa's red and dead eyes. He felt his heart sink, yanked out his chest, fed to the titans and the goddesses above. “...Mikasa…” he huffed, nervously looking around, “where is Eren and Miss Jaeger? They got up here right?” Mikasa's eyes widened, terrified that he was still searching, “Have they gotten on another ferry? Why would they leave you here then?” he wondered out loud, eyes now searching the crowd outside of the floating vessel. Mikasa whined, she couldn't do anything but that, her vocal chords refused to work.
“...Mikasa…” Armin, still not looking at her, whispered her name with the softest tone she ever heard, and yet it was the worst she ever felt.
“Mikasa, where is he?” and the dam broke, and every feeling; anguish, regret, anger, pain, every single bit of them were now seen by Mikasa’s shaking body, her broken sobs rocking her small frame, her face burying in her singed red scarf, and sending Armin into a nervous breakdown.
Armin was a smart kid, and he already knew the answer. He knew where Eren was. He knew that no matter how or in what way, Eren was dead, and his brain could not grasp it no matter how much it - unwillingly - tried.
Armin lost any control over his body, falling numb where he was kneeling in front of Mikasa, muttering pleas, ‘please… not him…’
Tears began falling, matching Mikasa’s, and he sobbed. It was hard to breathe, it was hard to speak, to function. He grabbed Mikasa’s hand, clinging to it as if she would disappear if he would let her go for only a second. And Mikasa, who in the back of her mind accepted the possibility of Armin hating her and blaming her for everything, choked and tackled the blond in a bone-crushing hug. He was the only family she’s got left, wasn't he? She lost her entire world in only 2 years, her parents, her adoptive parents and her dear brother, taken away from her. Was the world going to take Armin too?
She was tired, every part of her ached, the yells of the now-homeless citizens of Shiganshina, the cannons firing in the distance, it was all too much for her. The ferry began moving, jerking the passengers as it began its journey to Trost District.
She was too exhausted to understand and comprehend what happened next. Too out of it to see the soldiers running out the gate in pure panic, too out of it to hear the second boom of the day, coming from the broken remains of the Shiganshina’s inner gate, destroyed by a titan with protective shield - armour - covering most of its body. She couldn't hear the screams of the people now unable to escape their fates, and couldn't sense Armin hugging her tight as if to hide her from the world. As she leaned into the blond, she felt around her chest, hidden well by the scarf and her dress was a metallic key hung on a string, loosely tied around her neck. She thanked the Walls at least one promise was able to be kept. And as she passed out, feeling the ache in her bones and exhaustion sipping into her mind, she let one more sob and apologized;
‘I'm sorry Miss Carla. I couldn’t keep my promise.’