Archive of Our Own

He’ll miss all three of them. They’re his teammates, so of course he’ll miss them. They were his friends, and the first senpai who ever actually made him feel valued (which he knows, thinking back to middle school, is more than a little his own fault). He watches them singing up on the stage along with the rest of the graduating seniors (none of whom seem particularly glad to be doing this particular part of the ceremony), and he looks at each of them in turn.

Daichi he never totally got over being nervous around, but he supposes that is for good reason. He’d been a good captain and a solid person to look up to. He looks comfortable and prepared, like he seems to everywhere. Next, Kageyama looks at Asahi, who is blushing and hunching over as he sings, like that could hide his presence onstage. He looks more sure of himself than he did when Kageyama first met him, though, and it makes him happy to notice it.

The slide of Kageyama’s gaze over to Suga is slower, because part of him is avoiding looking. Suga’s posture is straight, his chin high. Kageyama picks his tenor out of the swell of voices without really thinking about it, and then flushes. He tries to lose it again, but it sticks with him, vibrating in his ears and down his neck.

Kageyama swallows. He watches Suga’s face as he sings, and pretends that that’s a normal thing to do. He imagines it means nothing specific at all, and is momentarily comforted. He hasn’t let himself have a complete thought about what this sort of thing means yet. Ghosts of the idea have floated on the edge of his consciousness for a while, but he hasn’t articulated it, even to himself. He just knows that the feel of Suga’s eyes on him when he’s playing runs hot up his spine, and when Suga compliments him, his face set, his hand firm on Kageyama’s shoulder, he can feel it it in his gut. He knows there’s something more to it than a physical reaction, but keeping whatever it is on the edge of his mind has kept him safe.

Suga makes fleeting eye contact with Kageyama over the crowd, and all of a sudden the distant blur surrounding Suga sharpens. Suga blinks long, and hits a high note, and when his eyes open, he’s still looking at him. Kageyama looks immediately at the floor, his heart thudding so hard he can feel it in his teeth.

By the time the ceremony is over, Kageyama’s pulse has slowed back down to normal, his face is no longer pink, and as everyone files out of the gym to mingle outside in the courtyard, he has begun to admit a few things to himself. Now is really the last chance he has to figure this out, Kageyama realizes, since not much time is left to do anything about it.

The idea that he has a crush on Suga is not particularly difficult for him to grasp, now that he’s let himself think about it. It makes sense. The way he desperately needed to see Suga happy and smiling--it wasn’t just about Kageyama needing reassurance that Suga was okay after having his position as setter stolen. It’s partly that, but there is also something about how smiling makes Suga’s eyes close almost completely. It is, upon reflection, really fucking cute.

Now that he knows this about himself, he observes Suga, just to confirm. He’s exchanging hugs with Daichi and Asahi across the courtyard. The line of his shoulders is solid, and his hair curls just above his ear. Kageyama swallows hard.

The way the three of them lean on each other looks so easy and familiar. He wonders if, in two more years, he will be as comfortable with his classmates. He looks over at Hinata, who is bouncing on the balls of his feet, begging Tsukishima to serve him the program he just balled up. His face is wide and sunny. Maybe, he thinks. Tsukishima makes like he’s going to comply, but then throws the paper ball straight at Hinata’s face instead, and Kageyama’s eyes narrow. Maybe not.

Kageyama waits until Noya runs over to tacklehug Asahi, and until Daichi steps aside to take a selfie with Michimya. Suga is standing alone, finally, smiling happily at his friends. Kageyama walks over headfirst, propelled by half-formed ideas and nerves, his hands balled into fists. He isn’t sure what his actual plan is. It’s not like he can confess. Suga is about to leave for university, and Kageyama’s lucky enough that he didn’t hate him after what he did to his last season of volleyball. He isn’t sure he can ask for much more than that, but he’s stalking over anyway.

“Sugawara-senpai.”

Suga jumps when he hears it, which makes sense, Kageyama realizes, since he basically just snuck up behind him. Suga turns, though, and smiles (which feels like a warm punch straight to Kageyama’s gut).

“Kageyama-kun!” He moves like he might hug him, and Kageyama feels his whole body clench, which wasn’t what he intended. Shit.

Suga steps back and runs a disarming hand through his hair. “Did the ceremony get a little too boring for you?”

Kageyama isn’t sure what that means, so he doesn’t say anything. He tries to make his face look open and approachable, like he has practiced in the mirror.

Suga’s smile falters for a second, but then builds itself back up. “I mean, because you looked like you slept through the last bit of it. Plus, you know, graduation ceremonies...they’re less exciting for the people who don’t get to graduate.”

Kageyama recalls the last 10 minutes of the ceremony, which he spent with his head in his hands, staring at the ground, realizing his entirely real crush on Suga. The crush which drove him to march over here in the first place.

He doesn’t explain all that, though, he just smiles and flexes his hand, his fingers splaying wide, and then pulling back into a fist. He wants to say something, or ask something. He isn’t totally sure what it is, but it gets stuck in his throat.

“Suga-san,” he starts, and flushes again, not sure if this is the moment for familiarity or respect, but he’s already started so there’s no switching honorifics now. “I was proud to watch you up there.”

Suga shifts to a more comfortable stance. “Oh?”

“Yes, I…” Kageyama pulls at the strands of thought that felt so strong just a little bit ago, but, of course, finds himself at a familiar loss.

Tanaka runs by with Noya on his heels and Suga reaches out and touches Kageyama’s elbow, guiding him away from the chaos of classmates hugging and laughing and chasing each other. He follows easily, and fights down the flush at his neck.

He searches for a way to tell Suga what he means to him without it being weird. He goes with the simplest option. “Thank you. For everything you did for me.”

Suga smiles. “Thank you for knowing what it meant for me to do it, I guess,” he says, “not that I would expect anything less of you, Tobio.”

The sound of his first name renders him incapable of moving much, so he nods, and swallows, and feels gratitude and affection beating at every corner of his ribcage. He hopes that his wide eyed nod conveys at least a tenth of the emotion behind that manic thrumming.

“Thank you for coming to my graduation ceremony.” Suga says.

I wouldn’t have missed it, Kageyama thinks. “It was required,” he says. Nice.

Suga laughs. “Still, though. Thanks for actually paying attention. For most of it, anyway. I’ll make sure I’m there for yours in two more years.”

Suga tightens his grip on Kageyama’s arm (which, Kageyama realizes, he hasn’t let go of yet, and does that mean something?) and goes in for a hug. Kageyama gives in to it, tucking his face into the crook of his senpai’s neck, and breathes deep. The pressure of Suga’s hand on his back is surer than Kageyama knows what to do with, and when he pulls away, Suga’s fingers trail against his back until they run out of shirt to run along.

Kageyama thinks about telling him he doesn’t have to bother, that it’ll be boring and unnecessary to come back just for him, but he doesn’t. When he considers it, knowing that there’s a definite time he might see Suga in the future feels good. He wants it, and he knows why he wants it. He is also acutely aware of how red his face is, but when he speaks, he looks Sugawara in the eyes, “I look forward to it."

~two years later~

Suga has been back to visit his family since he graduated, and he sometimes stays at Daichi’s house, or Tanaka’s, but he hasn’t seen his old school since he left it. Two years isn’t the longest space of time, he knows, but somehow the sidewalk has more cracks than he remembered, and the paint on the gym door is more chipped than he’d have thought. There is less of a glow around the whole place than he had pictured, and he supposes it makes sense-- it’s just proving itself to be a real place, and not just a relic cemented in perpetual youth in his mind.

He halfway assumes that the graduates, his first years, can’t possibly hold to the same standard. He can’t imagine them as adults (not that he particularly feels like one himself, either).  He sits in the audience, flipping awkwardly through his program without actually reading it. He looks around, but doesn’t recognize anyone he particularly cares about.

He isn’t even sure he should be here. The idea that Kageyama would remember his promise feels silly, like he’s placed too much weight on his own importance in someone else’s mind. But just in case Kageyama doesn’t think of him as that old guy who wasn’t good enough to cut it, even in college volleyball, just in case he hasn’t forgotten Suga said he’d come, he’s here.

When they walk onstage, Suga’s grip on his program twists it almost to tearing. Hinata is taller, his hair longer, and he is able to keep himself stiller than Suga had expected. Tsukishima looks happy, and Yamaguchi even happier, maybe because of it. And Kageyama. Kageyama hasn’t gotten much taller, but he’s filled out. His shoulders are broader, and Suga can see the lines in his back muscles even through his dress shirt, which is a little too small for him in the way where he knows Kageyama has no idea he’s grown out of it. Suga is immediately hit with a wave of fondness for him.

Of course, he thinks. Of course Kageyama is oblivious to that sort of thing. His tie is angled off to the left, because of course he never learned how to properly tie one, either. Suga’s fingers twitch. Half of him wants to straighten the tie for him, and the other half pictures unfastening it altogether, pulling it off Kageyama’s neck and throwing it behind him before moving on to undoing his buttons, too.

Shit. He’d thought he was over that. Well, no, he hadn’t. He knew that part of the reason he followed through on his promise to attend Kageyama’s graduation was because he was curious as to if that weird crush he’d had in high school had gone away. Apparently it hadn’t.

Back then, Kageyama had been awkward and standoffish, and he’d taken Suga’s starting position from him. Suga could have hated him, but instead every moment on the sidelines was spent staring at Kageyama, analyzing his movements, watching the graceful arc of his spine as he jumped, noting the way the sweat pooled in his clavicle, and cataloging all his blinks and squints and remembering what each one meant he was about to do. You can only stare at someone like that for so long before you start to fall for them, Suga thinks.

He didn’t do anything about it then, because Kageyama was a first year and because he was leaving. Also, if he was honest, there was still a part of him that had been jealous, and he didn’t want Kageyama to know he’d conquered him in more than one arena.

Now he watches the graduation ceremony with subdued interest, waiting to see if Kageyama will notice him in the crowd. He doesn’t, but Suga watches his eyes scanning the seats more than once. He tries not to hope.

There are songs, and speeches, and the whole thing is about as exciting as he would have expected. When the graduates all bow and file offstage and out into the courtyard, Suga’s stomach starts fluttering.

He spots Kageyama and Hinata easily. The rest of them are probably around, but Suga’s found his target, so he stops looking. He’s halfway to them when Kageyama sees him and freezes. Hinata follows his gaze to Suga, grinning and waving him over.

Hinata hugs him first, of course. “It’s so good to see you, Suga-Senpai!” Suga laughs and lets himself get picked up.

Kageyama stares at him for a beat, like he’s still processing his presence, but then he hugs him, too, which is a pleasant surprise. His hands are firm on Suga’s back.

When Suga pulls away, he doesn’t step back far. He runs his arms slow across Kageyama’s shoulders. He can’t help himself. He raises an eyebrow at Kageyama and gently straightens his crooked tie.

The blush on Kageyama’s cheeks makes Suga brave. “Did you miss me, Kageyama-kun?”

Kageyama’s blush deepens, but he doesn’t look away. One of the things Suga likes about him is that he knows a challenge when he sees one. “I did.”

“Are the other guys here, too?” Hinata asks, looking around.

Suga’s eyes stay locked on Kageyama’s. “No, It’s just me.” He watches Kageyama swallow, and he smiles. He knows they probably have plans with their families for the evening, but he’s come this far, and he might as well try his luck. “So are you guys going to--”

“The team is going out to dinner. And then there’s a party,” Kageyama interrupts, “You should come.”

“I’d love to, thank you.”

Kageyama’s smile is a little less sinister than Suga remembers it, like he’s had more practice with it being on his face. His eyes are still dark and his eyebrows still slant solidly down toward his nose, but he has a dimple on his left cheek that Suga, in all his observation, had not noticed before.

Hinata runs off to find the rest of the team and alert them to the arrival of “A real Karasuno volleyball hero!” which makes Suga only slightly embarrassed and mostly fond.

Kageyama takes a few steps behind him, and then turns to wait for Suga. He catches up, and they head toward the new Karasuno volleyball team together, their arms barely brushing as they walk.

~Two years later~

Kageyama is already awake when Suga’s alarm goes off. He’s been awake for a while, propped up on his elbow, watching the sunrise leave stretches of white gold across Suga’s hair.

“Nnnnnggh,” Suga rubs his eyes and looks distrustfully from the clock to Kageyama, “Why is this noise happening?”

“I changed it,” Kageyama says simply.

Suga turns, burying his face in his pillow. “Why?”

Suga’s never good at mornings, but Kageyama knows this, so he’s prepared with logic and physical evidence. Suga’s always good with those things.

He runs his fingers lightly up Suga’s spine and up into his hair. “Your family will be here in two hours. You have to shower and get dressed for your graduation ceremony, and if you woke up an hour from now like you wanted to, you wouldn’t have time for this.” He scoots in closer, kisses Suga’s shoulderblade, and presses his erection against Suga’s hip. “So I changed your alarm.”

It’s not exactly subtle, but Kageyama is pretty sure it will work. Suga inhales deeply and slowly rolls over into Kageyama’s arms. His eyes are sleepy, but he’s smiling.

“Mmm,” Suga says, running his hands down Kageyama’s back, cupping his ass, “You make a fair point.”

“I’m just stating facts, Koushi.”

Suga laughs, and he sounds a little more awake. Kageyama rolls his hips against him and Suga’s laugh turns into a growl. He grinds back and pushes Kageyama onto his back. Success.

Suga lifts his head to check the clock again and smiles, reaching into his bedside drawer. “All right, then. Let’s make this hour count.”

He kisses his way down Kageyama’s body, stopping to suck on a nipple or breathe hot against his belly button. He squeezes lube onto his fingers and pushes inside. Suga opens him up slowly, his fingers pressing in just enough to make Kageyama start to writhe before pulling back out. His lips pull languidly up Kageyama’s cock, and his tongue against Kageyama’s asshole is slow and deliberate. It’s agonizing, waiting, but he doesn’t hurry him. He just lays there, his hands in Suga’s hair, feeling it.

The look on Suga’s face as he crawls up Kageyama’s body is predatory, almost, and Kageyama feels it in his cock. Suga kisses his neck, sucking a bright red mark into it, and then another.

Kageyama is shaking by the time Suga finally slides into him. His hands are pinned above his head by Suga’s, his legs draped around his back. Suga’s face is lifted into a beam of light from the window. His eyes are closed and his eyebrows are arched. His mouth is shaky and wide and almost smiling, and he is more beautiful than Kageyama has ever remembered him being.

Suga fucks him, warm and unhurried, and it is everything Kageyama had been wanting. He remembers their first time, the night Kageyama graduated Karasuno. It had been all teeth and rough hands and groans buried into each other’s necks as they discovered hot and bright things about each other’s bodies, rushed on by alcohol and the sounds of the party happening in Kageyama’s living room. That had been good, too. So good, Kageyama remembers, and exactly what he’d been wanting, at the time.

Now, though, they are well trained to each other’s sounds and movements. He knows, now, just how hard to bite, and where, to get Suga to whimper, and Suga knows how to hold Kageyama’s legs so he gets the best angle. Kageyama’s body is pliant and comfortable in Suga’s hands, and his name feels safe in Suga’s mouth.

Kageyama had missed this, living in separate cities. But now, with Suga finally done with university, and Kageyama with multiple offers from professional teams, their futures stretch out wide and open in front of them. Suga kisses him deep, pulling his tongue into his mouth.

Kageyama lets himself be taken up by the languorous way Suga’s back arches as he pulls out before driving back into him. That, and the insistent pressure of Suga’s hands on his wrists, and the way Suga looks when his forehead bunches with pleasure and concentration, drives him slowly toward the edge.

When Kageyama comes, eyes flashing white and his hands gripping Suga’s with all their strength, he calls out his name. He lets himself be loud, because there is no one around to mind, now. And Suga follows him, his voice matching Kageyama’s as he trembles against his neck.

Neither of them can bring themselves to look at the clock at first, but eventually their breathing evens, and Suga nuzzles Kageyama to standing, and sets to cleaning them up.

They shower and get dressed. Kageyama wears something Suga’s picked out for him, which is fine with him. Suga gets ready in the bathroom, and uses every last one of the minutes allotted for it.

“How do I look, Tobio?” he says when he finally reappears.

Kageyama is waiting by the door, keys in his hands. He leans back for an appraising look and then steps in close. “Not too bad,” he says.

Suga scoffs, “Not too bad? What--”

Kageyama cuts him off with a grin, which is all it ever takes, really. He tucks a stray curl behind Suga’s ear and a finger behind the knot of Suga’s tie and yanks it to one side. He leans in and kisses Suga hard. Suga makes a noise that is half-laugh half-whimper, and kisses him back.

When he pulls away, Suga smooths down the places Kageyama has rumpled his shirt, but he leaves the tie askew.

Kageyama smiles, and takes Suga’s hand. “Now you’re perfect.”