Chapter Text
Tim would enjoy himself. Sure, he liked to feel a little control over things—what he’d told Ashley was all true. Before, in the service, and now as an officer of the law, chaos reigned. Anything could make a day into a capital-B bad day in an instant. So being able to keep things orderly, keep things routine, yeah, that helped him sleep at night.
But it’s not like he was some stuffy drone that couldn’t let loose every now and then. And Chen should know that, Tim thought as he pulled his truck into his driveway, even if I’m not up to her and Nolan’s karaoke standards.
While he’d offered Ashley that spur-of-the-moment freeway drive, she’d thankfully had enough sense to think out the logistics of not wanting to leave her car at the station, and suggested that he instead pick her up early the next morning and spend the whole day wandering the PCH. On the one hand, Tim felt a little disappointed that his grand gesture was being diminished a little, but on the other hand, it felt like Ashley was letting him ease into the waters rather than dive right in. Like she’d said, every relationship was a compromise.
Every relationship? Tim thought, and then immediately dismissed. Immediate flashes of pre-noon air conditioning and tied bets were replaced with thoughts of Isabel. Nothing had seemed like a compromise with her, at least not at first. At first, everything about her, about them, had felt perfect. And maybe, Tim allowed himself to wonder, that’s how he should have known how easily something could have—and did—go wrong.
But Tim shoved all that aside, opening his front door, disarming the security system, and smiling as Kojo padded excitedly over to him, drool hanging from his chops like he’d just been woken up. Look forward to tomorrow, don’t dwell on the past. Tomorrow was for Ashley, and he was going to have a good time, even if he had no idea what they were actually going end up doing. Or where they were going to end up.
A gruff whine at Tim’s side got him moving, letting Kojo out to the backyard as he put Kojo’s store-bought dog food in his bowl. It wasn’t salmon and eggs, but it was still some healthy, organic brand that Lucy had bought for him (along with two chew toys, a tag for his collar that had her and Tim’s phone numbers on it, and a dog bed that went largely unused in favor of Tim’s human bed). It was also wise to move the date to tomorrow for Kojo’s sake. Tim could have texted Lucy to let him out and feed him tonight, but with her at work tomorrow and her other puppy spending the weekend at a girlfriend’s place out of town, the poor guy would have been cooped up all on his own for too long.
“Sorry, bud,” Tim apologized as he let the canine back inside. An instinct crossed his mind to just bring Kojo along for the date. The dog loved sticking his head out the car window, tongue flapping in the wind, or trotting up a hiking trail alongside him and Lucy. But the thought was gone as quickly as it had come. Ashley may have gotten a little more comfortable with him, but he knew she wasn’t quite ready for that yet.
Compromise, Tim reminded himself.
As soon as Kojo was all taken care of (and given enough belly rubs satisfy any dog), Tim showered, set an extra early alarm, and flopped into bed.
He should have known his reputation would bite him in the ass one day. Tim had woken up, submitted his sick leave time, and had hesitated for a bit before alerting Grey himself that Tim wouldn’t come in today. It’s not like Tim had never taken any time off before, but it’s also not like Tim had ever purposely played hooky before.
A memory of a conversation, about rules and things that mattered, only managed to float through his head for what seemed like a second before his phone shook with two quick buzzes.
Thanks for letting me know.
It was short and sweet and somehow unsettling in the way that sometimes Tim felt like Grey always knew when one of his officers was up to something.
Tim got dressed and ready pretty quickly, opting for some not-too-nice jeans and blue button up. He let Kojo out, and was on the verge of texting Lucy when his phone buzzed again, this time in the heartbeat rhythm.
you’re sick?
Looked like Grey was efficient with his communication. Then his phone’s vibrations began to overlap each other as messages from his former boot began to pop up one after the other.
so you need anything? soup?
you felt alright yesterday, right? I hope it’s nothing bad
I can stop by to walk Kojo after shift if you’re not feeling up to it.
if I get sick because I spent all day AND night sitting next to you you're gonna need Smitty to be your aide again
excuse me, go-fer
Tim couldn’t help but crack a small smile, even as he debated internally what to reply. If he lied about being sick, he had no doubt Lucy would show up at his doorstep with some fancy chicken-noodle in Tupperware for him. But, he also just didn’t want to lie.
To her, at least. He had, after all, already lied to Grey.
I’ll be fine.
It wasn’t really a lie. Tim stared at his phone, and after a second, quickly added, I’ll let you know if I need anything.
Then he pocketed the phone, grabbed his keys and wallet, gave Kojo some goodbye pets, and left. It didn’t take too long to get to Ashley’s place, given the early morning hour. Knocking on her door, he took a deep breath. He hadn’t been nervous to go on a date since he’d asked Isabel out all those years ago. And he wasn’t nervous now. But he was… aware that today was all about making up for his behavior two nights ago.
When the door opened, Ashley already had her purse on her shoulder. She was wearing a light green sweater and jeans, her hair in a braid and a smile on her face.
“Morning,” Tim said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before leaning back. “You all ready to go?”
Ashley nodded as she stepped out and locked her front door before taking Tim’s left hand in her right. “Let’s see what’s out there, shall we?”
They picked up some coffee before getting on the freeway heading north. They fell into simple conversation as they kept an eye out for anything that caught their interest. Tim hoped Ashley would spot something sooner than later—not that he disliked a good drive, but he did already spend a lot of his job doing this exact same thing, just with a different passenger.
The first place they ended up after getting a real breakfast at a highway diner appeared to be some kind of fair. Ashley had spotted the tents and temporary rides, given him an excited grin, and he was heading off the next exit so that they could check it out. This early in the morning, the grounds were basically empty aside from the workers, but set up right next to it was a little flea market. They walked around, Ashley picking up something and commenting on it every once in a while.
Am I supposed to buy her something? Tim wondered as Ashley inspected yet another rack of handmade earrings. The vendor was chatting friendlily with her as Tim looked on, absentmindedly crossing his arms over his chest. He and Ashley had only been seeing each other for a little while; he wasn’t sure he’d know what the best gift for her would be.
It was then that the sun, having climbed higher in the sky as they’d ventured around the market, glinted off of something, catching Tim’s attention with familiarity, even as he felt his skin crawl for a moment. On the jewelry vendor’s stand was a row of bracelets, and right in the middle of them sat a silver bangle, a stone the size of a quarter nestled on top. A moonstone.
“Like that piece?”
Tim’s gaze snapped up from where he’d apparently been staring to see the vendor, an older woman with curly white hair, looking at him intently, a kind smile on her face.
“Uh—” Tim replied cleverly before the woman continued.
“Represents balance and healing,” she said, then leaning in closer to him across the table, added “Makes a good gift for a nice lady.”
Tim laughed awkwardly, only now noticing he was alone with the vendor. Where had Ashley gone? Somehow he’d lost track of her in the minute that he’d been looking at what seemed to be the perfect match to Lucy’s ring.
“Ah, no thank you. I have to— I have to go find my…” And with that, Tim turned around, quickly scanning the market grounds that had become increasingly more crowded for Ashley’s blonde head.
As he searched for her, he shook off the feeling that had crept up on him at the sight of sun-glinting stone. In the time between finding Lucy out in the desert and their talk about the tattoo in the station gym, Tim had held on to that ring, kept it with him religiously. It had been in his pocket the entire night he’d spent at the hospital at her bedside, and with him on shift in the days following. He hadn’t even necessarily planned on giving it back to her that night in the gym because it made him feel… Well, it made him feel the opposite of what he had felt the whole day Lucy had been kidnapped. The ring was a reminder of what she went through, but it was also a reminder that she had gotten through it. That ring was a lifeline. It meant safety. And Lucy had needed that, obviously, more than he did.
As if summoned at the thought, Tim felt his phone vibrate like a heartbeat in his back pocket.
feeling any better?
so far so q-word out here today
Tim smiled down at his phone. He was about to answer when he heard Ashley’s voice call him. She was a couple stalls down, now wading through the mid-day throngs of market shoppers.
“There you are,” they said in unison as she got closer, and Ashley chuckled.
“Bored already?” she asked, and Tim was confused for a second before she gestured to the phone in his hand.
“Oh, no!” Tim said quickly, holding the device up. “It was just, ah, Lucy. Checking up on me.” When Ashley’s expression furrowed the slightest bit, Tim made a show of pocketing the phone. “Because she thinks I’m sick. Because I called out today.”
Tim watched Ashley seem to relax at the explanation, although he didn’t really understand why it was necessary.
“How about this,” she said, pulling out her own phone to show him the screen, only to hold down the power button and swipe to turn the thing off. Once again, it took second a Tim to realize what she was getting at.
He pulled his phone back out of his pocket. It’s not like he was any of those teenagers, glued to their screens and missing everything around them (though Tamara made sure on several occasions that he knew gratuitous use of technology wasn’t the end of the world) but he still liked the reassurance of having it on him, and turned on. A whole series of ‘just in case’ scenarios flew through his head before a voice in his head that sounded a little too much like his psychology degree of a former boot whispered It’s your need for control, Tim.
Well, Tim thought, today’s not for control. It’s for compromise. So Tim mirrored Ashley’s actions, shutting off his phone and sticking it back in his pocket.
They had lunch next, having headed into Oxnard. They found a local Mexican restaurant, ate some divine shrimp enchiladas, paid, and were once again out and about. However, instead of getting back on California 1, they wandered through a couple museums of varying interest, and Ashley had hinted that they should check out the beaches, so it was getting to be afternoon by the time they were strolling along Silver Strand, listening to waves lap at the sand that Tim was trying to keep out of his shoes.
Ashley was told him some funny story about her dad, he countered with a teenage misadventure of his and Genny’s. They went back and forth talking and joking, and while Tim did have to actively try not to revert back into regaling her with a tale of 7-Adam-19, he found himself enjoying himself. Like he’d meant to.
The approaching evening found them heading back to Tim’s truck.
“We should be heading back home, shouldn’t we?” Ashley asked with a gentle smile on her face. She leaned against the bed of the truck and smirked. “Although today wasn’t too bad, was it?”
“No,” Tim scoffed sarcastically. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time, but remembering that he’d turned it off, powered it back up. It was nearing the end of the date after all, and seeing Ashley do the same, decided he wasn’t breaking any rules as he continued. “No, but we do need to head back. I can’t exactly keep up this sick charade for too long before…”
He trailed off as his phone began to blow up with belated notifications.
[7 Missed Calls]
[18 Unread Text Messages]
A lot of the calls seemed to come from Angela and Grey, starting about two hours ago. Tim was concerned, but as he opened up his texts with Angela, his stomach seemed to invert itself and his body freeze.
Tim
Tim answer your phone.
Damn it Tim please pick up.
It’s Lucy
TIM
Call me when you get these
“What is it?” he heard Ashley ask, but it sounded far away. He didn’t even answer her as he was hitting the call button on Angela’s contact. It rang, then rang again, and every passing second Tim felt like he was going to pass out. Finally, on the next ring, he heard Angela’s voice.
“Tim—”
“What happened? Is Lucy okay? Where is—”
“We’re all at Cedars-Sinai. Tim, she got hit and—”
"Is she okay?” Tim interrupted. The hand that held the phone to his ear was shaking, making Angela’s voice distorted.
“She’s still in surgery.”
“I’m on my way,” Tim said, and without waiting for a reply, ran the short distance around the hood of his truck to jump into the driver’s seat. Ashley, having caught on to his half of the conversation, was thankfully seated and seatbelted as quickly as he was. He peeled out of the parking space and, breaking not a few speed limits, was on the highway back to L.A.. before he realized that he hadn’t yet said anything to Ashley, nor her to him.
The silence was going to have to remain, though. Tim didn’t think he could string together enough of his thoughts to make a coherent comment. Every car that was going just a bit too slow, every intrusive ‘maybe,’ every annoying billboard had his nerves on fire. It would be another hour before they were in the city. The hospital that had always been a short ambulance ride away now seemed unreachable. What the hell was he doing in Oxnard? He needed to be there and he needed to be there now. He never should have called out, he never should have…
When they arrived at Cedars-Sinai an eternity later, Tim had driven up to the curb, simply handed the keys to Ashley, told her to park it, and dashed inside. Unfortunately, being a cop made one familiar with hospitals, so he knew which way to go. Ducking around other visitors and roaming staff, he hurried up to the nurses’ desk and was about to demand to see Lucy when he saw tear-smeared Angela and equally distraught Nolan stand from some of the plastic waiting chairs in the corner.
Tim rushed over to them. “How is Lucy? Is she out of surgery yet?”
Neither of his friends immediately responded, and as the haze of his scramble to get to the hospital wore off, Tim didn’t need his cop eyes to see that something was wrong. Angela’s eye were big and drowning, and Nolan’s looked half-glazed, like he too was coming out of some fog.
It was Angela who broke first.
“Tim,” she said, and he couldn’t ignore the crack in her voice. “She’s gone.”
There was a pause. An ice began to creep up Tim’s spine.
“Gone? They already discharged her?”
The detective snuffled as one hand came up, as if to try and touch Tim’s arm, before shakily dropping back down. “She’s—gone, Tim. During surgery. She—" Angela tried again to put a hand on Tim, but he jolted back at the touch.
“No,” he snapped. Suddenly every monitor beep and chair scrape was deafening as Tim twisted and turned to find a nurse. “I need to see her—I need to—”
“Tim.” This time it was Nolan who spoke, but it didn’t matter. Tim needed to see Lucy. She’d been checking up on him, and now he had to do the same for her. She was here somewhere, he just needed to find her and she’d tell him about the hell of a day she’d had and he’d tell her he’d lied about being sick and— “Tim.”
Tim slowly turned back to them. His eyes bore into theirs, and that icy feeling dissipated, replaced with a heavy weight, tearing at every seam in Tim’s body as reality set in.
Lucy Chen was dead.