Work Text:
When Max’s phone rings, the distraction is very welcome. She’s been trying to get herself to focus on homework for a couple hours now, and as she sits slumped over at her desk, she’s halfway considering potential options of dropping out and going into hiding.
She pats around for her phone for a second, and when she lifts it to her face she sees Rachel’s caller ID.
“Maaaax,” Her voice is a bit hard to make out amongst background party noise, but Max giggles at the sort of whine-quality to it.
“Rach? Hey. What’s up?”
“I’m thinking about you. I miss youu.” She seems to have moved somewhere a bit quieter, and the unabashed affection in her voice makes Max’s heart swell.
“You’re-” Max licks her lips, twists to sit sideways in her chair. “You’re at a cool kids club party and you’re thinking about me?”
“Aw c’mon,” Max can hear the slur in her voice better, not that she hadn’t already assumed she was trashed. “You’re the only real cool one. I wanna see you.”
“You saw me this morning. You’ll see me tomorrow too.”
“Noww, though, I wanna- I wanna see you now.” Max can hear her pouting.
Max tries to remember to take all this affection with a grain of salt. Rachel’s always been touchy-feely, but never so openly needy for her. She was high or drunk or both, and she could be like this with anyone for all she knows. Maybe there was no harm in silently enjoying the feeling it’s giving her, either way.
“Well I’m definitely not coming out there, not tonight.” Max worries her lip, and hopes Rachel doesn't selectively remember that she implied she would let Rachel drag her out to a party some other night.
“Okay,” Rachel says decisively after a moment, “then I’ll come to you.”
“Woah, wait,” Max turns back to face her desk, “are you in any state to be going anywhere right now?”
“‘S like, a 10 minute walk back to the dorms,”
“Okay, well,” Max frowns, resting her hand on her temple, “then I’ll come to you and walk you back.”
“You’re so sweet,” the pout is back, “really. You’re the sweetest person I ever met, Max.”
“Ah, C’mon,” Max laughs shakily, feeling too warm, “you’ve met Kate many times.”
A laugh comes from the other end of the line. “Okay, I guess you’ve got me there. Hard to compete with a literal angel. Still… you’re,” she pauses thoughtfully, “you’re my angel.”
“I… Rach, that’s…” Max doesn’t see how that could be true. She’s never felt particularly special, especially when it came to Rachel. “Thank you. Now c’mon, text me your location.”
After getting Rachel off the line with promises to be there soon and a few mumbled and warm thank yous in return, she tugs her hoodie and Converses on. She slips an earbud in as she exits the dorms, glancing around the empty dim-lit hallways. It’s 11 going on 12, far past curfew, and although she shouldn’t have much of a problem sneaking out, the thrum of anxiety is still live in her chest.
As she slips off campus, down the sidewalk that leads to the school’s parking lot, strap of her bag clutched in hand, she considers that maybe this was all a little stupid. She didn’t even know what’d be waiting for her at this Vortex club party spot, and she’ll probably make quite a sight pulling up, but she didn’t wanna know what Rachel would get herself into if she didn’t come. So it’s as easy as that.
The party spot, as it turns out, is a house in the closest neighborhood. She isn’t sure who lives around here, but she supposes she shouldn’t question the resources of the Vortex club. She follows the GPS faithfully, and can spot the house right as she turns the corner of the street, a few people on the lawn and red and blue light spilling out the windows. The music gets louder as she gets closer, and she shifts her weight as she parks herself in front of the house on the other side of the street.
She rubs at her elbow, phone still in hand, and tries to decide how to go about this. Trying to go in and find Rachel herself was a hard no, the idea of getting uselessly lost in a swarm of zonked teens was not enticing. Should she text? Is Rachel still checking her phone? Maybe she should call…
Just as she’s decided to try calling, Rachel slips out the front door of the house. She looks a little too confident in her steps for someone who looks so off balance, but she lights up as she catches Max across the street.
“Maxie!” She yells, turning a few bleary eyes from the lawn patrons. Max grimaces a bit, but a smile teases her lips as she takes a quick look both ways before crossing the street to meet her. Rachel’s taken a few steps into the street herself by the time she gets there, a wide grin on her face. “I was just coming out to look for you.”
“Well, here I am,” Max feels a bit lame, but then Rachel’s throwing her arms around her neck and pulling her close.
“Here you are,” Rachel mumbles into her neck, and Max blinks, heat rolling in her stomach.
Once her brain has caught up with the sensation, fried wires beginning to repair themselves, she rests a hand low on Rachel’s shoulder. “We should get out of the street,” she pulls back despite a contradictive protest from somewhere in her goopy brain, and Rachel slips out of the grasp on queue. “Let’s get home, okay?”
Rachel rambles about the party as they walk, dropping a few names Max isn’t sure she’s heard before, but she listens to the drunken gripes about pesky party goers anyway, trying to conceal how worried she is that Rachel’s gonna trip and fall on her face. Their shoulders keep bumping, arms pressed together every so often, like Rachel’s gravitating towards her.
Rachel’s not very good at keeping quiet when she’s wasted, apparently none of the imminent threat of being caught is reaching her as they make it on campus, which leaves a stressed Max to try to shush her as they sneak around corners, which only makes her giggle. They manage though, Max guiding her with a hand on her back as they slip through the doors to the girls' dorms.
“Hey,” Rachel starts as they make it to their floor, and she’s probably trying to actually whisper, but it comes out as more of a whisper-yell, which just makes Max smile at this point. “Can we go back to your room?”
Max stalls for a moment, as she had half expected Rachel to have forgotten about wanting to see her and just go back to her own room. “Yeah,” she nods, maybe a bit too hard, “okay.”
Her room is even messier than usual, but she doesn’t think a drunk Rachel is looking to be impressed. She shuts the door behind her after Rachel slips in, and as she turns back, the strap of her bag already half over her head, Rachel’s already got one shoe off and is working on the other.
Max sets her bag down with a little smile of affection as Rachel groans, flopping back on the bed. Rachel’s eyes linger as she’s tugging her hoodie off her shoulders. Max can feel her body thrumming.
“So uh,” Max clears her throat a little as she tosses the hoodie in the general direction of her closet. She wrings the back of her neck, shifting her weight. “We could watch a movie? Promise I won’t make you watch any more obscure horror I know you’re…” She catches Rachel’s eye, and there’s something mournful in them that’s a little disorienting, and Max isn’t sure why the energies shifted all of a sudden. “I know you’re sick of those.”
“Can we just…” Rachel lets her eyes fall down Max’s frame, “can we just lay here?”
She seems so sad so suddenly. Max is trying to recalibrate how she’s supposed to be handling this. “I… yeah, okay.”
Rachel shifts up so she’s almost pressed to the wall as Max slips her shoes off, and Max takes a second to calm herself before laying down next to her. She leaves what she deems a respectable amount of space between them on this small bed, nervous to get too close even if Rachel is usually the touchy type.
They lay there for a few moments, Max looking up at the ceiling, a little bit afraid of what she might find if she looks over at Rachel, and it’s so quiet. Just as Max is beginning to rack her brain for an opener, Rachel speaks. “I… I like you so much, Max.”
And when Max turns, she thinks her fear of looking was completely warranted. Rachel’s facing her now, looking all doe-eyed with a flush on her face, pout on her lips, and it’s the most vulnerable Max has ever seen her. Her words catch up to her then, and it feels like her breath’s been stolen from her throat. “I really like you too,” and it comes out sounding lamely uncertain.
Rachel shuts her eyes, ducks her head down, and she looks almost pained. “I’m not… I’m never any good at feeling like this about people.” Her voice sounds a bit wet, and Max can feel tightness working it’s way up from her chest to her throat. Feeling like this. What’s that supposed to mean? “I just fuck everything up.”
“What…” Max takes a second, swipes her tongue over her bottom lip. “What do you mean?”
Rachel turns onto her back again, looking up at the nothing of Max’s ceiling. “It’s like I can’t ever get over myself.” She huffs a dry laugh. “I don’t even know who me is to get over.” She looks morbidly pretty like this, drunk and open and apparently half way through an identity crisis in Max’s bed. She can’t say this is entirely surprising, there’s always been something off under the surface with Rachel Amber.
Max isn’t sure what to say. She wishes she was any better with words. Her mind is still buzzing from ‘feeling like this’. Rachel meets her eyes again, “I don’t wanna fuck this up. You’re so good. You’re so… certain.”
Max furrows her brow, laughs without meaning to, “I don’t feel certain about anything. Literally ever.”
Rachel’s shaking her head before she’s even finished talking. “You know who you are. Even if you doubt yourself. You know…” she huffs. “I don’t know. It feels like you know everything I don’t.”
Max thinks this over for a moment, has a thought. “Well, I don’t know if I know everything, but I do know that I know who you are.” Rachel’s eyes are making her a bit nervous, but she keeps matching them intently. “I know you have, like, one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen. You care so much about so many people, and you put other people first a lot of the time, to a fault, really.”
Something bitter passes over Rachel’s face. “Yeah, I care and then I just hurt. I fucking…” her eyes are getting wet, and Max’s heart hurts. “I’m fucking terrible.” She looks back to the ceiling.
“Rach, if you were a bad person you wouldn’t care what you were doing to other people. Maybe you make mistakes, do things you shouldn’t, but you care about it. You want to do better.”
“But I never do. It’s like,” her breath hiccups, “maybe I’m just made like this. Maybe I’m not capable of doing better.”
Max lets her eyes fall to Rachel’s hand resting next her on the bed, and she puts her own over it before she can overthink it. “No one’s made like that. That’s not how people work.”
Rachel looks down at their hands, one of the welled up tears starting to fall, and it’s so much to see her like this. “You’re too good. For this. For me.”
And god that fucking hits Max, and it’s so terribly bittersweet to hear. Rachel thinks so highly of her, but at what cost? Max doesn’t think much of anything about herself, she never has. She’s always wished she could be as bold as Rachel. Maybe they both think too highly of each other.
Max tightens her grip on her hand. “I don’t think so.”
Rachel just lets her eyes fall shut, and she looks exhausted. After a deep breath Max says, “I do think that you look like you need to rest, though, and you’re wasted, and probably not all there right now.”
Rachel laughs, the first genuine one in a bit, and Max missed it a lot. “Yeah… you’re probably right.” They lay there for a moment as Max feels the weight lifting off her chest. Rachel’s hand feels hot under her own. “Do you think… would it be okay if I just crash here?”
Okay, weight back on her chest, less serious and more fumbly panic, at least. “I- yeah, of course. I can just-”
“Don’t you dare offer to take the couch in your own room. We’re either both in the bed or I’m taking the couch.”
Max shuts her mouth. Opens it again. “Okay. I- We can just share the bed.”
Rachel nods, and once Max has properly collected herself again she resigns herself to getting up to change into her sleep shorts, and Rachel doesn’t watch her but she still fumbles as she does it. She was going to offer Rachel something to change into, but when she turns back Rachel’s already under the covers facing the wall, and Max catches sight of her jeans curled up on the floor. Okay. Nothing to panic about there.
Max briefly considers how likely she is to just burst into flames right now before slipping back into bed before it’s weird. She keeps her respectable distance. It still feels like Rachel’s radiating heat, and Max is acutely aware of the feeling of her next to her.
—-
Max wakes up pleasantly warm, and she opens her eyes to mid-morning sunlight and blonde hair in her face. She registers the feeling of skin on skin, their legs tangled together, and Rachel pressed to her front. Her arms are looped around her waist. Fire bursts in her stomach, flames licking at her heart. Rachel’s still facing away from her, but from the sound of her even breathing Max can tell she’s still asleep.
She’s not sure what to think of last night. She’s not even totally sure Rachel will remember everything, but her words still ring in her ears. Feeling like this. It’s not something she can forget.
Max has never been good at mentally tracking time, but she thinks it only takes about five minutes for Rachel to rouse. She does so with a groan, and it makes Max smile a little. Rachel turns over in her arms, and Max thinks maybe she should consider extracting herself but she’s kind of reveling in this.
Rachel pauses, eyes shut, looking almost pensive, and Max doesn’t drink but she’s confident in saying she’s fighting off a headache right now. She does her best not to giggle at her suffering. “Good morning,” Max says, and she can’t help the amusement in her voice.
Rachel huffs a little through her nose, small smile on her lips, eyes still shut. “Good morning.” Max runs her hand along Rachel’s hip, stops to rub little circles with her thumb. She could certainly get used to this. Rachel melts a little under the touch, and it’s the proudest Max has ever been of herself.
“Do you have any Ibuprofen or anything in here?” Rachel asks after a moment, head buried in Max’s pillow. She finally opens her eyes, Hazel shining brightly in the morning light, and Max can see the green specs in her irises so clearly.
“Yeah, of course,” and she’s still caught in Rachel’s eyes as she says it. She takes just another second to enjoy this feeling, and regrettably removes herself from Rachel. “I’m prone to headaches, and, y’know other stuff so,” she says as she gets up. Rachel settles on her back, shutting her eyes again as she opens her desk drawer.
She grabs the pills and the water bottle she’s been neglecting to drink before sitting back on the edge of the bed. Rachel struggles a bit to sit up, but she takes the two items gratefully. After taking two tablets and several long sips of the water, she hands them back over, and Max just sets them down on the floor. Rachel props herself up against the wall, half curled in on herself, and she keeps her gaze on Max.
There’s a charged silence, not uncomfortable, before Rachel speaks. “I know I said a lot of stuff last night. I didn’t mean to dump it all on you, I was just…”
“Hey, it’s okay. You were kinda trashed, so. And I’m always here to listen anyway.” Max fidgets with her fingers in her lap.
“I did mean it, though. I like you so much. And it scares me sometimes. And I think it was just… scaring me last night. I started thinking too much.”
Max’s heart clenches. “I like you too. So much.” Max casts her eyes down, runs her thumb along the lines of one of her knuckles. “I think liking someone is just always scary.” Rachel nods, watching her fiddle with her fingers.
“I want to try this, though, if you do, and I wanna do it right. You make me wanna be better.” There’s that similar vulnerable look in Rachel’s eyes from last night when Max meets them again, and Max smiles softly.
“Okay. Yeah.”
“Yeah?”
“What, like I’d ever say no to going out with Rachel Amber?”
Rachel laughs a little, but she looks dejected, and Max immediately regrets saying it like that. “I don’t wanna just be… ‘Rachel Amber’ to you. Everyone thinks I’m so… mysterious and cool or whatever but, I don’t even know who Rachel Amber is.”
“Hey,” Max scoots closer, puts her hand on Rachel’s knee. “I didn’t mean it like that. Rachel Amber isn’t just the popular girl to me. Maybe before I knew you, but… Rachel Amber is kind. And funny. And she makes me feel brave. She watches my dumb movies and listens to me talk about photography. She…” Max watches Rachel flick her eyes between each of her own, and pushes past the rolling anxiety in her stomach. “She does stupid stuff sometimes, but it doesn’t make me wanna kiss her silly any less.”
Rachel grins, ducks her head a little, looking almost bashful, and it makes Max melt. Rachel looks up after a moment, grin turning a bit sly. “You can, you know. Kiss her silly.”
Max’s heart thuds in her chest, and her whole body feels warm, but she does. ‘Cause Rachel makes her feel brave.