Chapter Text
Hogwarts is only hours away and the idea itself terrifies eleven-year-old Remus, who is already tugging on the worn edges of his jumper, waiting for his mother to return with his father’s old trunk. Hope Lupin has become more scatterbrained than ever after the sudden departure of her husband, even now she struggles to maintain a normal social calendar and can hardly remember to feed her own son who already stands at a lanky five foot three.
He has learned to master the kitchen without the help of charms and maintains the house itself, clearing up after his mother with no complaints as she shuffles about reading her favourite books aloud. The first thing he ever learned to do was read, under the soft flannel sheets of a single bed, his mum tucked up close behind him with her soft timbre washing over him for hours and hours on end. He didn’t care much when he lost sleep, school wasn’t important when he could have many uninterrupted hours with her for no reason at all.
Now, he’ll be leaving her alone. He wonders absentmindedly about the state the house will be in when he returns, he has asked the woman next door to check on his mother whenever she gets the chance but Nancy - a beautiful thirty-year-old with a big career in the big city - can only offer so much support. Remus sighs softly, taking the heavy trunk from his mum and heaving it out to the small, bashed up car that is probably older than himself.
It was a struggle to afford his school books for this year, Hope had to write to the Headmaster to ask him to prepare the things he made need in advance due to this difficulty and Albus Dumbledore - one of the most revered wizards in history - agreed almost immediately. He is already taking a chance with Remus, he may be demure and studious, quiet and compassionate but he hides a large and dangerous secret.
He’s a werewolf.
Has been since an unfortunate event when he was only a child and this sent Hope into a tailspin early on. She learned to handle it, rallying herself to help her only child to handle this heavy burden that weighs so heavy it’s a surprise that his bony shoulders can support it. Still, she rants about Hogwarts excitedly, claiming that she knows he’ll do well there.
He can’t help but disagree. When his dad left, his mum decided that the best course of action would be to enrol young Remus into a Muggle school - something his father, Lyall, didn’t think was right for a young wizard to experience - and he threw himself at the chance to prove himself. His grades have always been perfect, nothing less than an A and he prides himself on that but that was maths and science and French, the basic things kids studied.
Hogwarts teaches none of that. It teaches Charms and Transfiguration, two things that Remus has never even thought about, Ancient Runes sounds endlessly impossible and Defence Against the Dark Arts terrifies him. He is considered a Dark Creature, one of the ones hunted by the wizard police, Aurors is their true name, and the idea of learning the biased side of his condition sets his teeth on edge. He already knows what they’ll think, that he’ll tear them apart at a moment's notice, that he’s dangerous but the only person he’s a danger to is himself. When the wolf is deprived of the hunt, his anger and frustration must be taken out somewhere else, hence the map of scars across Remus’s body that is always fully covered.
Hide, hide, hide. That’s all he’s ever known and that was around Muggles who never questioned why he was always sick at the end of the month but wizards will put two and two together soon enough. He hopes to have at least one year, one normal year as a teenage wizard before he’s viciously removed from the premises by scared parents. He’ll allow himself that luxury and then he’ll move on to whatever’s next.
He’s sure he could carry on his education in the Muggle world, maybe go to university up the road and gain a degree. There are options, sure, though they seem to be depleting the older he gets. With the onset of puberty, the wolf is much more irritable and violent. He’s not sure he’ll even survive many more moons with the way he wakes after the whole ordeal with slashes across his torso and legs.
He doesn’t complain, hardly even whines anymore as he finds his mother’s fear and pity too draining. So he picks himself up and carries on the day, cleans the same things and does his homework while gritting his teeth through a migraine. He should be excited to leave home and experience new things but as he watches his mum prepare the car, triple checking her seatbelt and keys, he can’t help but think that there are so many things wrong with this idea.
The issue his brain focuses on mainly though is the thought of getting caught. He sighs softly, bringing the edge of his jumper to his lips, running it across the bottom one to stop him from chewing around his nails. He kicked the habit last year after realising he was basically eating his hands which reminded him too much of his more feral side, leaning towards other vices like tea and chocolate bars to gnaw on instead.
He’s packed more than enough chocolate to last him the whole year, he didn’t have much else to pack besides a few jumpers, two pairs of trousers and a pair of worn jeans. He only owns two pairs of shoes and very little else. He packed some books to read and then his textbooks filled the rest of the space. Hope wanted to buy him a pet like most children brought to curb the homesickness but the price of his wand set them back more than she would’ve liked. It devastated her to have to deprive her son of another thing in this world but she didn’t make much at all and everything she had was put into the house.
Remus didn’t mind, truly he didn’t, because he loved his mum, saw her trying to provide a better life at every instance. His father is the reason why he’s a werewolf, his father is the root cause of many problems but he tries not to linger on that much either. Remus had decided long ago that his father deserved no time in his son’s thoughts, not after what he did and even now Remus hopes Lyall regrets it all.
His rucksack sits in the footwell, containing three books to keep him entertained on the long journey and snacks to stave off the hunger and desperation to launch himself off a moving train. He’s never much liked travelling, the constant movement does nothing to lull his survival instincts and the idea of being stuck in close quarters with strangers is not a good one. He has no choice though so voices no complaints, happily listening to the radio as his mum hums along to one of her favourite songs.
He hopes she’ll be okay, that she won’t burn herself again on the oven now that he’s not there to cook for her, that she’ll remember to pay the bills or open the curtains. Hope parks the car at King’s Cross and sends her son an excited smile as she dashes off to grab a luggage cart, leaving Remus to tug his trunk from the boot of the car and sling his rucksack over his shoulder.
He could just drag the thing himself but Lyall’s poor treatment of said trunk means that it no longer rolls at all. It makes a rather distasteful racket and since Remus has an acute sense of hearing due to his condition, he’s sensitive to noise.
Another reason to hate this entire thing is the sheer amount of people in the station, all of them falling over each other in their desperation to make their commutes. Thankfully, it’s not rush hour so it’s quieter than it would’ve been at eight this morning when the suited people start their day. Hope leads her son through the throngs of people, pointing the way with a gentle smile.
He can see the other wizard children, indicated by the same massive trunks and cages of strange animals. It doesn’t help that their parents talk loudly about ‘Muggles’ and ‘Hogwarts’. They should be grateful that none of the Muggles even blink at the terminology, too caught up in the bubble of their own mundane, boring lives.
Remus tries not to flinch as they pass through an actual brick wall to the other side where a steam train whistles its arrival. Platform 9 ¾, the place that holds the Hogwarts Express. He ignores the people gathering on the platform with all the flying merchandise and strange smells, deciding that his mother has earned his attention instead.
“You’re going to be fantastic, son. Make lots of friends and learn all the fun things, I expect letters too. Send the owls whenever you get the chance.”
“Mum, please look after yourself. I asked Nancy to check in on you but you know her, she’s a workaholic. I put your favourite snacks in the cupboard above the sink and the cleaning supplies are below it. I finished ironing the clothes last night but there’s a load in the washing that needs to be done. I didn’t get around to doing it before packing and all of that… umm there are three weeks worth of meals in the freezer, I’ve been storing food for week’s now but I couldn’t make anymore-”
“Remus, I will be okay. I am sorry to have put this much stress on you but now I want you to go and be a child, okay? I want you to eat all that chocolate you packed at once and regret it, I want you to be late to class and get detention, I want you to stop being so responsible for once and let yourself misbehave every once in a while.”
“I can’t fail my classes, mum, and I’ll need every second of the lesson to keep up with the others.”
“I think you’ll find that there are a lot of students in the same place as you, half in the wizarding world and half out of it. Either way, sweetheart, you have a chance here to forge your own identity outside of our little town, outside of your father and me, so I want you to take that chance.”
“Okay, mum… be careful… please?” Hope gathers her son into a soft hug, layering soft kisses into his golden curls while whispering affirmations of his importance and his future. Holding back tears, the pair give their love and separate. Hope steps back into the throng of people while Remus pulls his trunk to the train and hauls it on. He tries to have one last glance at his mum but can’t find her in the thick crowd so gives up and heads onto the train for the first time.