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Tommy ran his fingers through his short blonde hair, grimacing at the jagged uneven ends. He really should’ve gotten it cut. Oh well, he’ll just put up a brave unbothered face and move past it right? Like he always does? He can feel the stinging burn in his eyes, he scrubbed the tears off of his face with his sleeve.
Why was he so damn useless? He really wondered. Tommy glowered at the concrete floor of the stairwell, this might as well be his new mental breakdown station, he thought with a sardonic snort. God, he’s pathetic. He knows he is, he can see it. He sees it in their eyes. Why can’t they just say it? Tommy groaned. He just wanted them to get it over with.
Why can’t they just scream at him, tell him how useless and pathetic he really is? He knows it’s true. Why did he think it was that easy? Nothings ever been easy, not for him. Not for Tubbo, Purpled..Ranboo, definitely not Techno, especially not Techno. Why is he still alive? He doesn’t know. Resentment burned in his chest, burning tears spilling down his cheeks from his bloodshot eyes.
Tommy wants to scream, he wants to know why, why is he still alive? God he knows that he deserved it. Techno was one of the few people who knew the truth and was there for him, and what did he do? He fucking ruined it. He betrayed him. All he is, is a useless, stupid kid who thought he could make a difference.
Tommy gripped his stomach, he could almost feel the sharp pain as the blade sinked into him. The blonde let out a shaky hoarse gasp, his blue eyes wide and clouded over. He’s back there, at the warehouse again, his knees are buckling under him. And he hears screaming, his throat wheezes into a faint croak before he realizes that it’s him. It’s him screaming for aid from someone he nearly shoved back into their worst nightmare.
The next thing he knows, he’s gasping for air, eyes wide and unseeing, his heart kickstarting on borrowed time. His sheer life is on borrowed time. On someone he fucking hurt. WHY? He doesn’t know honestly. Why did Techno just..? Why couldn’t he just fucking beat him up into a bloody pulp, Tommy thinks that would be easier for him to bear at this point.
Everytime he sees the pained, fearful look in the elder’s eyes he can feel the blade twist inside. Why didn’t he just let him go? Why couldn’t he just fall? Tommy’s failing, he feels the harsh wind and whooping air blaring in his ears as he just. Falls. Further and further. He..He feels the snap and crunch as he hits the ground and then his eyes go wide.
The teen let’s out a harsh gasp for air, tears spilling down his cheeks, his vision is blurry. Is that..pink? His blue eyes waver into focus. His heart drops at the sight of Techno in front of him. Why is he here? Shouldn’t he despise him now? Before he knows it he’s being pulled into a hug. Tommy freezes, his blood goes cold. What is he saying? The older man’s mumbled words slowly warp into discernible speech. Why is he comforting him?
Before he can stop himself, he opens his mouth and rasps out “Why am I still alive?”. Techno freezes at the question, they both know the weight that phrase holds. “What do you mean?” Techno gruffs out, trying to force a level tone. A small part of Tommy is drawn into his hold but he forces himself back, harshly hitting the back of his head against the wall. He hardly feels it.
“Why did you save my life? I mean? Me? The fucking biggest useless child in this whole city? After what I did to you. I’m awful. All I am is a pathetic scared child.” He rants, spitting out his truth. He knows it’s true. He’s been poisoned enough with their sweet lies. Why does everyone seem to think he means something other than a giant nuisance?
Techno didn’t speak, only staring at Tommy with what? Is that devastation? Why? Tommy’s only telling the truth. “Oh come on, you don’t have to pretend like you don’t hate me. Come on, why don’t you just throw me down these stairs? Just get it over with.” He’s at his feet now, smiling hysterically, as tears ball down his sad, pathetic cheeks.
Techno seems to snap into his senses. He’s yelling at him now. Finally, But.. Why isn’t he agreeing with him? “I don’t hate you!” The short haired pinkette finally shouts. Tommy’s happy that he’s finally yelling, so why does it scare him so much? He still can’t help the flinch. “God, why would I hurt you? You’re a damn child!” Techno continued. “Yes you fucked up. But you’re fucking SIXTEEN.” He countered the blonde, grabbing his wrist. Tommy tilted his head quizzically, “So? I still deserve punishment.” He questioned.
Techno seemed to be at a loss for words. “Just hit me.” Tommy rolled his eyes like your little brother asking you to beat him is normal in any sense of the word. “No.” Techno forced out. Tommy’s heart ached. “Please,” he breathed out desperately, “Just tell me you hate me.” He begged, his voice breaking. “Again. I don’t hate you. You fucked up, yes. Do you really think I could just sit there and listen to my little brother scream for his life? Do you really?” Techno demanded.
“Why should that matter to you?, I’m just a damn stupid kid, Techno. Why did you do it? Why did you save me?” Tommy pleaded, his voice breaking as his body trembled with each harsh sob. Techno just gave him that same devastated look in his eyes again. “You’re a child. That I care about. Why wouldn’t I save you?” Techno asked softly. “But. Why? Why do you care? I’m just some stupid wannabe vigilante!” Tommy croaked out.
“You’re not some stupid wannabe vigilante for one. You’re a strong accomplished one. Two, you’re sixteen. You’re a child. You being a vigilante doesn’t matter to me. But your safety does, Tommy. It does.” Techno replied, reaching out and brushing his hand softly against the teen’s cheek. Tommy’s eyes widened at the contact and another wave of tears budded up in his eyes. “I haven’t been a child in a long time, Techno.” Tommy let out a wet chuckle. Techno huffed, “Doesn’t mean you can’t still be a kid.” He reasoned. “You matter, Tommy. People care about you. I care about you.” Techno added, and Tommy finally caved into the pull and leaned into his hand.