Chapter Text
He swallows the lump building at the back of his throat- his hands shaking slightly as he grips tightly to the cream-colored letter in his hands that had arrived in the mail. The neat, professional handwriting glared back at him almost mockingly.
“You are cordially invited
to attend the wedding
of
Yoon Jeonghan
&
Kim Mingyu”
He doesn’t know for how long and how many times his eyes skimmed over the neatly written calligraphy, but the words echo in his mind over and over like a broken record and the harsh pounding in his heart muted any external sounds around him.
Yoon Jeonghan, once the love of his life, was finally getting married.
And it wasn’t going to be to Seungcheol.
He didn’t realize he was crying until a drop of his tears landed on the card, leaving a small, dark imprint that stained the letters and caused the ink to start running, ruining the crafty handiwork.
Seungcheol shakes his head and drops the invite along with the reply card on the counter before wiping his face to rid himself of his tears.
He couldn’t cry. He shouldn’t.
He should be happy.
He had promised Jeonghan that he had moved on—that he was happy so long as Jeonghan was happy because Seungcheol's happiness always stemmed from Jeonghan’s own. And the fact that the other man had thought of inviting Seungcheol for this very special event clearly meant that the other believes him wholeheartedly…
… and that he still cared deeply for Seungcheol as a friend despite the bitter ending to their relationship.
And it’s been three fucking years. Almost four. Seungcheol has had more than enough time to move on from his ex. Despite the downfall of their relationship, the breakup was mutual and didn't end completely on bad terms. Not to mention both Jeonghan and Seungcheol were grown men who knew how to be mature around one another and were now on friendly terms.
There was no reason for Seungcheol to not be able to handle attending his ex’s wedding.
But he couldn’t stop the pain that made his heart ache and shrivel up and made it hard for him to breathe as he takes a furtive glance at the reply card waiting to be filled.
He sighs and heads to his room. It was too late at night for this.
He had already had a horrible day at work - stressing over deadlines and unfinished tracks that Jihoon had chewed him out for. He wasn’t in the mental or emotional state to deal with something like this.
He couldn’t believe that the man he once dreamed of having a forever with was going to have one with someone else.
Once in his room, he opens up his drawer to pull out his night clothes when his eyes land on a small, maroon case sitting cozily in the corner at the bottom of the drawer.
He eyes it in silence for a few seconds before hesitantly pulling it out and opening it.
The silver band had collected some dust throughout the years of being unused, but Seungcheol could still see the engravings inscribed within
“Forever & Always – YJ”
Whether or not Seungcheol cried all night hugging a bottle of soju without sleeping, was nobody’s business but his own.
“You look like shit.”
Seungcheol ignores Jihoon’s early-morning snark remarks as he makes his way to the chair next to him.
Oh, he didn’t doubt he looked like shit.
That morning he woke up from what was an hour-long nap instead of a fitful sleep after drowning in his tears and a lone bottle of soju, feeling completely drained physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Cleaning up and changing into some decent clothes alone was exhausting and it did nothing to hide the huge bags under his eyes or the miserable expression that was permanently etched on his face.
Even the barista at the coffee shop he frequents had looked at him with concern when he stopped by for his usual drink.
He sighs and leans back on his chair, feeling the beginnings of a migraine that was not eased at all with Jihoon’s unnecessary quips.
“… I’m guessing by your face that you already heard the news.” Jihoon’s tone changed slightly, barely noticeably but Seungcheol could detect the hints of wariness and tinges of pity as if the younger was afraid to approach this topic. And judging by the fact that the younger's eyes were glued to the music sheets they had been working on for weeks on end and refusing to look at Seungcheol, the older man knew Jihoon was aware that he was approaching dangerous territory.
And he was. Because as soon as Jihoon brought up the news he had received just the night before, Seungcheol could feel like his stomach dropped and landed right in between his feet.
He groans and rubs his tired face before answering. “I got the invite in the mail yesterday.”
Jihoon whistles in surprise. “Wow, inviting your ex to your wedding. That’s a bold move. Very Jeonghan-like of him though.”
Seungcheol doesn’t respond. Focusing instead on the buttons in front of him but losing himself in his mind to vivid memories that he has unsuccessfully attempted to bury within the depths of his mind for the past three years.
His mind momentarily flashes back to the picnics they used to have on spring days resting underneath the shade of a cherry blossom tree, the holidays they spent together when they were both broke college students with barely enough money to make ends meet, the evenings eating at the night markets when they had enough to indulge.
“I’ll love you no matter what trials we face, Choi Seungcheol. Forever and always.”
Just where did it all go wrong?
“So? Are you going?” Jihoon asks in what he might believe was a nonchalant tone but Seungcheol could still detect the concern laced in it.
He sighs tiredly in response. “I’m not so sure yet…”
Jihoon gives him a weird look and stares at him silently, almost judgingly, causing Seungcheol to glare at him in return.
“What?”
“You still have feelings for him,” Jihoon states like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Which, admittedly, it was. Seungcheol keeps thinking he can continue to try and hide the feelings that have been festering inside him for three years since he and Jeonghan called it quits, but if anything, it might have only become more obvious. Except, this time he wasn’t getting drunk every night and showing up late to work absolutely shitfaced. You know, like any other guy does when they get their heart broken.
Seungcheol might as well be a window since everybody could see right through him.
Everybody except Jeonghan apparently, who either was oblivious to the way their breakup still affected the older or chose to ignore it.
Still, he refuses to lose his dignity (especially in front of the likes of Lee Jihoon), no matter how true and obvious it was that Choi Seungcheol still had feelings for Yoon Jeonghan.
And so, he scoffs and looks away from the smaller man he's known since college, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing.
“Who says? I’ve moved on, he’s moved on. We’ve all moved on and are happier than ever before. At least we’re friends now.”
Jihoon snorts, obviously not buying a single word coming out of Seungcheol’s mouth. But, when did he?
“Alright then, prove it,” Jihoon throws him an evil smirk and Seungcheol holds back the need to gulp. “Come to the wedding and help me pick out a cake for it.”
Seungcheol raises a curious brow. “He’s having you pick out a cake for him?”
Jihoon rolls his eyes in response like he usually does when he’s annoyed with Jeonghan. “Yeah. Something about him being too busy and trusting my taste palette since I know him well enough. But if you ask me, that’s just him looking for an excuse to be lazy.”
“Have you thought of what you’re going to get?” Seungcheol asks, feeling the tiniest bit intrigued.
Jihoon shrugs nonchalantly. “I was just going to get something with strawberries or something, but since you know him better, I figured you could help me.”
Seungcheol almost wanted to argue with that last statement.
Seungcheol knew the Yoon Jeonghan from three years ago.
He wasn’t very familiar with the current Jeonghan whom he sees sporadically whenever their group of friends has random get-togethers.
Still, he says nothing and ponders on what kind of cake would be the best for Jeonghan. The younger man did always have a love of strawberries, but he was picky when it came to cake. He’d have to look at whatever selection they had at whichever bakery they chose to visit.
“Isn’t there a bakery a few streets over that opened up not too long ago?” Seungcheol states, recalling passing by the new store with a huge “Now Open” sign hanging at the front of the door. It looked to have a good number of customers waiting in line outside every morning he passed by, despite recently opening.
“We can try going there after work.”
“Oh,” Jihoon raises a brow in amusement almost teasingly. “So, you are going to the wedding?”
Seungcheol’s only glares at him in response.
Seungcheol met Jeonghan during their freshman year of college under the cherry blossom trees that were planted in the quad of their college campus where he was studying music production. The younger (by a few months, Jeonghan would constantly remind him), had been sitting peacefully under the shade of the trees trying to get some homework done, away from the large bodies of students.
From afar, Seungcheol had stood in awe of the other’s beauty and had desperately wanted to approach him and get to know him, but always felt too shy and intimidated by Jeonghan’s presence and looks.
Yoon Jeonghan was much too beautiful for someone like him after all. Way out of his league.
After that, Seungcheol would often pass by the same spot at the same time, hoping to at least catch a glimpse of him. And lo and behold, Jeonghan would always be there, sitting under the shade of the cherry blossom tree looking like an angel, unaware of Seungcheol’s presence as he scribbled on his notebook or typed away on his laptop.
Or so Seungcheol thought.
This went on for about a week until one day, Jeonghan just wasn’t there.
Seungcheol had been taken by surprise at the other's absence and quickly scanned the area trying to find him, but he was nowhere to be seen.
Then, a voice from behind had startled him.
“Looking for someone?”
Seungcheol had yelped in surprise and turned around to come face to face with the same person he had practically been stalking for almost an entire week.
Yoon Jeonghan stood before him and Seungcheol almost gaped in awe.
If he thought Jeonghan was stunning from afar, he certainly wasn’t ready to witness him in all his glory from up close.
Jeonghan looked like god had taken his time with him, and the sly smile that slowly formed on his lips only made him look even more handsome with his light brown hair and glowing skin.
“Uh, uhm…” Seungcheol could only gape and stutter as his throat completely dried up at the sight of Yoon Jeonghan standing so close to him causing him to be unable to form a solid sentence.
Jeonghan had laughed in response, making Seungcheol blush madly in embarrassment.
“So?” he said with that soft voice of his, “Are you finally going to ask me out on a date? Or are you waiting for somebody else to do it? I’m kind of tired of waiting already.”
Seungcheol had almost fainted on the spot.
“We’re here.”
Seungcheol was brought back from his memories by Jihoon’s voice and he looks up at the entrance of the bakery, noting the lack of people compared to the amount that had been waiting in line in the morning.
Then again, judging by the hours posted on the door, they were about to close in half an hour so it made sense that the bakery was practically empty already.
“Sunday Sweets.” Jihoon reads the name of the store written in large letters on the window. “Let’s see if we can find anything of ‘Prince’ Jeonghan’s liking.”
The shorter of the two walks inside without waiting for Seungcheol, who continues to stare at the sign with contemplation before following his friend inside.
A small bell rings as the door opens and Seungcheol is taken aback by the overpowering sweet scent that attacks his nostrils, not that he would complain. After all, it smells the way a bakery should smell and Seungcheol inhales the heavenly scent as he scans the small store.
Various pastries and decorated cakes line the case in front of the register, and Seungcheol quickly looks them over.
Some of the cakes were already decorated for special occasions such as birthdays and some cakes had some slices already cut from them which he assumes were singles bought by customers.
Everything looked delicious and elegantly decorated, Seungcheol was already convinced to buy a few of the pastries or maybe even take a whole cake home so he can ease the pain in his chest and fill the void in his heart with sweets.
“Welcome to Sunday Sweets! How may I help you?”
Seungcheol looks up from the case and sees a young man, slightly shorter than him but taller than Jihoon, standing from behind the counter with a large smile across his face which made his eyes crinkle.
‘Soonyoung’ his name tag reads.
“We’re looking for a wedding cake, do you guys do those?” Asks Jihoon, going straight to the point as always. It was obvious the guy wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible since he wasn’t exactly eager to take on this task in the first place.
“Ooooh, a wedding cake? For a wedding?” The boy asks, clasping his hands together in excitement.
“No. For a birthday,” Jihoon deadpans and rolls his eyes. “Yes, for a wedding.”
Seungcheol winces over Jihoon’s brashness and nearly apologizes on his behalf, but the employee either doesn’t detect the sarcasm or is already used to it because his smile remains as he pulls out a notebook from behind the counter along with a pen.
“For what day?” he asks, opening the book to a blank page and clicking his pen.
“April 15th,” Seungcheol answers shyly.
Soonyoung whistles in surprise, “That’s about four weeks from today. Kind of short notice for a wedding, no?”
Jihoon shrugs, “It’s not that big of a wedding. The grooms decided to invite only close friends and relatives.”
Which included himself, Seungcheol notes grimly.
“Ahhh, I see,” hums Soonyoung. “If that’s the case and the list of invites isn’t that long, then we might be able to squeeze you in there. For weddings though, you’d have to talk with my boss since he’s the one who normally arranges the catering for big events.”
“Okay,” Jihoon states impatiently, “is he here?”
“Oh, yeah, definitely. He’s in the back,” he points behind him at the door that led to the back area. “I’ll go get him really quick.”
With a small bow and one last smile in their direction, Soonyoung heads to the back and disappears.
Once the employee is out of sight, Seungcheol elbows Jihoon in the arm, and the younger curses at him.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“Be nice,” Seungcheol hisses, “Don’t be a brat. Especially with this guy, we don’t want them putting poison in the wedding cake or something.”
Jihoon scoffs but says nothing else as he rubs his arm.
They stand waiting for the employee and his boss to come out and Seungcheol uses the opportunity to continue examining the store.
It was rather elegant and clean. Very clean.
The walls had been painted a soft pink color to give it a happy vibe and there were a few white tables and seats placed by the large windows alongside the door, probably for customers who wanted to stay and eat their desserts.
There was also a small pot of coffee in the corner for those who wanted to enjoy a cup of coffee with their pastries.
Overall, the bakery was really cute and cozy, Seungcheol would definitely try to visit in the future to sit by the window and try one of their pastries which looked deli-
“Hello!”
A soft voice reaches his ears and Seungcheol turns back to face the counter with a friendly smile in order to greet the boss Soonyoung went to go get, only to freeze, his smile disappearing slowly.
Time seems to stop for a second and Seungcheol stands practically ogling at the young man that walked in from the back room.
The store disappears and Jihoon’s and Soonyoung’s presence is forgotten as Seungcheol’s focus hones in on the man standing behind the counter wearing a gentle smile on his lips as he greets them.
Seungcheol is taken aback by the person’s features.
His face is small (really small), with soft features yet sharp in certain places, pouty lips that look kittenish and curled at the ends, and soft platinum hair.
But the thing that catches his attention the most is the other’s eyes.
They were the most beautiful eyes Seungcheol had ever seen.
They were big and sparkly, and they reminded Seungcheol of a doe. The kind of eyes you only see in a shounen anime character.
Overall, the guy looked like he was straight out of a painting.
His eyes drift towards the name tag clipped on his right chest.
“Joshua”
Joshua?
Why did that name sound so familiar?”
Seungcheol stands there pondering on the name, focusing only on the beautiful man standing before him before an elbow buries itself on his side and brings him back to reality.
Seungcheol groans softly in pain and he glances at Jihoon who was looking straight ahead at the employees who didn't seem to notice Seungcheol's gawking.
“I heard you guys wanted to place an order for a wedding cake?”
Seungcheol struggles to find his voice to answer as he still tries to recover from witnessing perfection at its finest, but Jihoon beats him to the punch either way.
“Yeah, our friend is getting married in four weeks and we were hoping to place an order for a wedding cake."
“Joshua” nods and grabs the notebook Soonyoung had pulled out earlier, not noticing Seungcheol’s scrutinizing gaze that hadn’t left his figure as he tries to dig through his memories to figure out why the name “Joshua” made his head itchy.
Joshua clicks his pen and gives the visitors a gentle smile that makes Seungcheol’s heart do flips inside his chest.
“Alright, so according to what Soonyoung told me, the due date is on April 15th, correct?”
Seungcheol can’t answer as he still tries to find his voice, but Jihoon nods in response.
“What is the desired flavor?”
“He really likes strawberries,” Seungcheol finds himself blurting out despite being lost in Joshua’s eyes just mere seconds ago which made it hard for him to focus. Those beautiful eyes turn to look at him in return.
Seungcheol nearly takes a physical step back.
Joshua is now looking at him with those gentle eyes and soft smiles and Seungcheol can’t help but feel like the sight looks a little too familiar.
Still, he is captivated by the other’s beauty and he swallows the nervous lump building at the back of his throat.
“Okay, so we’ll make it strawberry flavored,” Joshua says with that soft voice of his as he looks down from Seungcheol so he can scribble in his notebook. “Would you like for the frosting to be strawberry as well?”
He looks back up at Seungcheol as he asks this and the older nearly flinches.
He can feel his face flushing slightly and his heart beating a little too loud and fast for his liking as Joshua’s eyes focus on him expectantly.
“Um,” he ponders, “I think vanilla would be better. You know, to balance out the flavor?” Seungcheol remembers once taking Jeonghan to a coffee shop where he had gotten a slice of strawberry cake that he couldn’t stop gushing about. One that had vanilla frosting.
Joshua nods and writes it down.
“Any other details I should know? How many people is it for?”
Seungcheol and Jihoon go back and forth answering questions and giving details on what the cake should look like while Joshua writes everything down, all the while Seungcheol keeps trying to figure out why Joshua looks so oddly familiar.
“Lastly, I just need one of you guys’ number so I can contact you,” Joshua turns the notebook in their direction and holds his pen in the air for either of them to grab.
Jihoon reaches for it but before he can grab it, Seungcheol snatches it from Joshua’s grasp.
“I can,” he responds quickly.
Jihoon blinks at him in surprise before frowning in annoyance. He says nothing as Seungcheol chuckles nervously in embarrassment.
Joshua smiles widely at him, causing his eyes to turn into crescent shapes and Seungcheol can feel his cheeks warming up once again.
“Okay!”
Seungcheol writes down his number with shaky hands that he was trying to hide before handing back the pen and notebook.
When Joshua grabs the pen, their fingers brush for a second and Seungcheol feels his heart pounding a little too loudly in his chest.
“And here’s my contact information just in case as well,” Joshua hands over the pink business card that Seungcheol proceeds to grab and his eyes widen when they read the name written on top of it.
“Joshua?” He asks, “Joshua Hong?”
His memory comes back to him now and he is taken back about ten years ago to high school.
He remembers the chubby kid he had for four straight years and occasionally shared classes with. A kid who was known for being very shy and had only one or two friends in the whole school as far as he knew.
Seungcheol had never shared more than a few words with him but he remembers seeing him often sitting alone in the back of class and would catch a few glimpses of him during lunch sitting with a friend.
Joshua Hong.
He looks back up from the card, noting Joshua’s look of surprise and his mind replaces this new face with the one back from High school that he would often see from afar.
He has changed so much.
Joshua’s surprise slowly vanishes and he smiles once again.
“Choi Seungcheol,” he says the name without missing a beat, “I knew you looked familiar. It’s been a long time.”
“Y-yeah,” stutters Seungcheol, “U-uh, you’re looking good.”
Seungcheol nearly smacks himself across the face.
Joshua’s cheeks, however, turn a light shade of pink as his smile widens. “Thank you. You look good yourself too.”
Seungcheol can hear his heart beating loudly in his ears.
“I’m sorry, but am I interrupting something?” Jihoon raises a brow and looks back and forth between Seungcheol and Joshua who continue to stare at each other. “Do you guys know each other or something?”
“Yeah.” Answers Seungcheol, eyes staying glued to Joshua. “We went to high school together.”
“It’s good to see you again,” Joshua continues with a small smile. “I didn’t expect for us to meet again after graduation.”
“Yeah, me neither,” he still can’t believe that this was the same Joshua Hong from back in high school.
This Joshua Hong is charming, and confident, whereas high school Joshua Hong had been shy and timid. Like a rabbit who would sprint at the first sign of danger.
Joshua would often make eye contact with Seungcheol from across the hallway only to quickly look away and disappear as soon as the older made eye contact.
Seungcheol thought for the longest time that Joshua was scared of him because of how persistent he was at avoiding him.
“He’s just shy,” his friend Wonwoo had told him once when the older brought it up. “From what I’ve seen, he hardly talks to anybody and I mean have you looked at yourself in the mirror recently? You don’t exactly look approachable when you’re built like a pro-wrestler.”
And now, Joshua had not only gained confidence and lost weight, but judging by the way his arms were bulging from his tight shirt, he seemed to have grown bulkier as well, almost matching Seungcheol’s own build but not quite.
”I didn’t know you were back in Seoul, I heard you had moved back to LA." Seungcheol comments, remembering hearing from other former high school classmates that the younger had gone back to the United States to attend college there instead of staying in Seoul where his family more than likely decided to stay.
”I came back about a year ago after finishing college,” Joshua replies with a smile. “Then I opened up this bakery about three months ago.”
Seungcheol nods in awe, eyes honing in completely on Joshua's face and soft features. “It’s really pretty.” You’re pretty, he almost wanted to say. “You did a great job.”
Joshua looks surprised for a second at Seungcheol's comment before smiling widely. “Thank you! It wasn't easy, but business is growing so we're really hopeful for the future.”
The sound of someone clearing their voice disrupts their conversation and Seungcheol is reminded that him and Joshua aren't completely alone.
“When you guys are done catching up, can we finish here? I really would like to go home sometime soon.” Jihoon says impatiently as he eyes both Seungcheol and Joshua.
“Oh, right.” Seungcheol blinks, his cheeks turning red once more.
Once they have finished finalizing the details and Seungcheol and Jihoon sign their name on a small paper, they make their way out of the bakery with a small wave at the employees.
And as Seungcheol makes his way out following Jihoon, he looks back one last time to see Joshua smiling at him gently. Upon seeing Seungcheol looking back at him, Joshua sends a small, gentle wave in his direction.
"It was nice seeing you again, Seungcheol! Make sure to stop by again soon!"
Seungcheol returns the smile with one of his own and waves before turning and walking out.
“What was that?”
“What was what?” Seungcheol turns to look at Jihoon with a raised brow.
“Dude,” Jihoon raises his hands in exasperation “You were practically blushing like a school girl talking to her crush in the hallway. I almost threw up with how terrible you guys were flirting.”
Seungcheol chokes and splutters.
“We weren’t flirting!”
Jihoon rolls his eyes in response.
“Sure you weren’t”
Seungcheol strolls slowly down the aisles of the grocery store, the mellow music playing through the speakers sounding distant. The grocery store was practically empty with only a few lonely customers walking through the aisles and a mother who was trying to herd her disruptive kids, looking stressed and frazzled.
He roams through the aisles on autopilot, grabbing whatever random groceries, relying on his mind to remember what he was missing back home instead of making a list of the things he needs. He stops in front of a row of cereals before grabbing his own favorite healthy cereal that Jeonghan had liked to refer to as his “hay cereal” because according to the younger, it tasted like nothing but grass.
At the umpteenth thought he's had of Jeonghan that day, he sighs.
The trip to the bakery had been draining, more so emotionally than physically.
Seungcheol couldn’t believe that he had just gone to help pick out his ex’s wedding cake, it felt like the equivalent of digging his own grave so he could bury himself in it.
Then again, seeing Joshua after almost eight years had certainly made the trip worth it.
His former classmate had changed so much over the years and though Seungcheol thought chubby Joshua was adorable and cute, there was no denying that Joshua now was truly something to behold.
Not because he had lost weight, but because the younger man had grown into his features and seemed much more confident than he had when they were in high school.
The other had looked ethereal. His blonde hair adding to the glow he had around him like a halo.
And Seungcheol’s heart sped up just thinking back to that scene where Seungcheol laid eyes on him for the first time back at the bakery and heard his voice. That same soothing voice that back then was much too soft and always shaking timidly.
He was so distracted by his thoughts and the image of Joshua that he wasn’t careful with where he was going and accidentally bumped into another cart, which halted him to a stop.
“Oh, sorry,” he apologizes as he looks from the cart up to the person who was pushing it.
Seungcheol’s eyes widen at the familiar face.
His mind flashes back to those cool nights, cuddling under the sheets while two voices whisper and giggle together in perfect harmony, those dates under the cherry blossom tree where they would spend hours upon hours speaking of everything and nothing, having the most meaningful and meaningless conversations, the ‘I love you’s’ they shared every night during dinner, the fights that turned into make-up sex, the beautiful, absolutely demolishing love Seungcheol once held for another person.
That he might still hold.
“Jeonghan.”
The name slips past his lips before he can even stop himself, leaving a sweet yet bitter aftertaste in his mouth, and the nostalgic feeling that washes over him feels suffocating as he tries to calm his aching heart from bursting.
The sight of Yoon Jeonghan standing before him leaves him breathless even after all these years.
He looks good.
Like always.
Jeonghan has always been handsome and beautiful and as the years went by, he only seemed to grow finer like wine.
The other man smiles at him, a small tender smile on thin lips that once looked so different when directed at Seungcheol, and it irks him.
That wasn’t the same smile that he gave Seungcheol once years ago.
This was a friendlier smile. One that Jeonghan only used with friends.
A more distant smile from the ones he used to share with him.
“Seungcheol!” he greets excitedly, completely unaware of the conflicting feelings brewing in Seungcheol as he laid eyes on the man who once held his heart in his grasps.
There was something different about him this time and it wasn’t just the red dye or the bulk he seemed to have built in the last few months since Seungcheol last saw him at Boo Seungkwan’s dinner party that he attended to with his then-boyfriend, Mingyu, where Seungcheol had lied and told Jeonghan he had moved on and wished nothing but the best for him.
The thought immediately has his eyes glancing down at the other’s hands, taking note of the silver band wrapped around a thin finger.
That’s right.
It wasn’t right for Seungcheol to feel this way.
“How have you been?” Jeonghan smiles widely.
Seungcheol swallows the lump in his throat and licks his lips as he tries his best to formulate a response, something which came easier to him years ago when talking to the younger.
Since when was talking to Jeonghan this hard when it was once as easy as breathing?
“I’ve been good. How about you? You look good,” he tries his best to maintain his cool and not stutter when his brain is running a hundred miles an hour trying to process the fact that Jeonghan really was here in front of him and starting a conversation with him.
They weren’t on bad terms the last time they spoke. If they were, Jeonghan wouldn’t have invited Seungcheol to his wedding. But, it was easier to keep the farce that he had moved on from Jeonghan when Jeonghan was nowhere around in sight, it was easier to lie to the other that he was fine when it was through text or in the presence of other friends (some of which knew that Seungcheol hadn’t truly moved on) than when he was here standing before Seungcheol.
Since when did Jeonghan’s presence make him feel so suffocated when he once felt the most at ease around him?
Jeonghan waved a hand dismissively. “Ah, you know me, always busy. I’ve been picking up a lot of cases now that the firm is growing more. Which is great, if it didn’t mean I’d have to work more.” He sighs dramatically.
Seungcheol smiles fondly, remembering the many times Jeonghan always complained about how he stayed up all night studying for hours and saying he was going to quit law countless times only to graduate one of the top 10% of his class with one of the highest grades.
Seungcheol always told him that he was lucky he’s smart enough to make up for his laziness.
It helped a lot that Jeonghan was so good at arguing that he could probably make some of the biggest criminals in history break in the courtroom and accidentally spill the truth if he had the chance.
“I listened to the latest work you and Jihoonie worked on.”
Seungcheol snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Jeonghan with slight surprise in his eyes.
“You did?”
Jeonghan nodded, "'Pretty U'? It was really good. K-pop isn’t usually my cup of tea, but I listen to anything you and Jihoon produce and I like it.”
Seungcheol nodded, his smile feeling tighter the longer he speaks with Jeonghan. “I’m glad.”
They both remain quiet for a while as Seungcheol practically chokes and doesn’t know how to keep the conversation going but all he wants is to run away, go home, and hide under the covers so he can cry himself to sleep as he reminisces memories he’ll never get to relive again and a future he lost with the one he once loved more than anyone.
“Did you get the invite?”
Seungcheol flinches as Jeonghan’s voice grows soft and wary, something awfully rare for the man who was normally confident and bold.
He nods slowly, “I did.”
Jeonghan gives him a tight smile and Seungcheol holds back the need to cry as he realizes Jeonghan is suddenly uncomfortable.
Just where did it all go wrong?
“I’d really love it if you could attend. Mingyu is perfectly okay with it, and it would really mean a lot to me.”
Seungcheol hadn’t planned on going if he was being honest. Sure he had helped Jihoon pick out the cake for the wedding and whatnot, but the more he pondered on the idea of attending his ex’s wedding, the less appealing it sounded and the more he didn’t want to go.
And yet, he knew he was going to end up going.
Because despite the pain it caused him to just imagine the love of his life getting married to another man, the thought of Jeonghan feeling disheartened and hurt that Seungcheol didn’t attend caused him even more pain.
And so, against his better judgment, he nods.
“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” the words feel like acid in his throat and he can hear his mind screaming in pain.
All that goes away when Jeonghan gives him a wide smile that eases Seungcheol's turmoil. The same way it used to back then.
“Great! I look forward to seeing you there,” Jeonghan states excitedly.
Seungcheol swallows quietly, already knowing this decision was going to cause him a lot of pain and the rational part of him was screaming at him for his stupidity.
He’s always been weak for Yoon Jeonghan.
Jeonghan grips the handle of his cart as he makes his way to leave.
“I know I said I wanted the wedding to be small, but I convinced Mingyu to let some guests bring a plus-one if you want.”
“O-oh,” Seungcheol stutters, face blushing slightly, unsure of how to answer due to what the statement seemed to involuntary imply.
Jeonghan seems to catch onto what he said and he grows flustered, waving his hands in front of him, “Y-you don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course, I jus-“
“I will.”
...
Jeonghan blinks.
Seungcheol blinks.
Who said that? He hadn’t meant to say that.
Jeonghan gapes for a second but a small, barely noticeable smile slowly lifts on his lips.
“You will…?” He pauses, waiting for Seungcheol to elaborate.
Seungcheol curses at himself and his brain and his impulsive lying.
‘No, you won’t Choi Seungcheol. Say it was a slip-up or something, don’t dig your grave even more than you already have.’
“I’ll bring someone.”
‘Fuck you Choi Seungcheol.’
Seungcheol feels the anxiety slowly grabbing him by a chokehold as he continues to elaborate on a lie he hadn’t planned on giving.
“Oh,” Jeonghan is curious, “A friend? Or…?”
‘Don’t do it, Choi. Don’t. Don’t. Do. It.’
“My boyfriend.”
It’s almost like he can hear his entire world crashing as the words escape his mouth. For a second he thought he might have imagined himself saying the words instead, but that hope immediately evaporates when Jeonghan’s wide smile returns, except this one was sly and conniving. A smile he recognized far too much and he nearly gulps nervously.
“Boyfriend?” He slaps Seungcheol’s shoulder in approval which nearly has Seungcheol stumbling back as he tries to gather his bearings from just spilling a lie that he knew was going to bite him in the ass later, “So you do have a boyfriend? Finally! I’m happy for you! What’s his name?”
Ah, fuck.
Seungcheol can feel his heart beating far too loudly, a bead of nervous sweat trails down his temple as his mind runs miles a second trying to come up with a way to rescue Seungcheol from the mess he just caused.
“Joshua Hong.”
But the lies keep spilling out of his mouth like a broken faucet.
It takes a minute for Seungcheol to process what the name that came out of his mouth was and he nearly slaps himself across the face.
Jeonghan tilts his head to the side, looking at Seungcheol thoughtfully. “Joshua? He’s American?”
“Y-yeah,” Seungcheol answers, remembering ten years ago when a young Joshua Hong was introduced in Seungcheol’s classroom as a foreign student who came from the United States.
Jeonghan hums. There was a look in the younger eyes that unsettled Seungcheol. A look Jeonghan oftentimes gave him in the past when he knew something that Seungcheol didn’t.
For a second, he thinks Jeonghan might have caught onto his lie and Seungcheol swallows nervously, but the younger man merely laughs and slaps Seungcheol’s shoulder once more, nearly causing him to stumble back in surprise.
“Well, congrats! I look forward to meeting him!”
Seungcheol nods, his eyes drifting to the tiled floor of the store in embarrassment, “Y-yeah, I can’t wait for you to meet him.”
“Me neither,” says Jeonghan. “In fact, why don’t we meet sooner? Why don’t you guys come to dinner with Mingyu and me at our home next weekend?”
The sudden lilt in Jeonghan’s voice has Seungcheol freeze. A tendril of fear and anxiety wraps itself around Seungcheol and it takes all his effort to look up at the other man who is smiling mischievously at him.
“U-uh,” Seungcheol gapes like a fish out of water.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckity-fuc-
“How does next Saturday evening sound? Mingyu can cook something for all of us.” Jeonghan continues, either ignoring or completely oblivious to the petrified state Seungcheol was in.
Knowing him, it was the former.
“I-I-“
“Perfect!” Jeonghan grips Seungcheol’s shoulders, answering without waiting for the older man’s response.
“I’ll send you the address later and we can start making plans.”
Seungcheol doesn’t process Jeonghan letting go of his shoulders as he stands there looking at him with what must’ve been a stupid expression.
Jeonghan grabs his cart and begins pushing it in the opposite direction, grazing shoulders with the still man who hadn’t moved from his position and continued to stare at the spot Jeonghan had been standing in mere seconds ago.
“Well, see you Saturday!” Jeonghan waves behind him.
Seungcheol flinches and turns to see Jeonghan walking away. His handsome face turns to look back at Seungcheol one last time, with that same smile and a mischievous glint in his eye.
“I look forward to meeting this "Joshua Hong"!" He says. "Have a great week, Cheollie!”
Jeonghan waves and Seungcheol watches as the red-haired man turns the corner at the end of the aisle and disappears, completely ignoring the fact that Seungcheol never even agreed to this dinner date in the first place.
The familiar nickname makes Seungcheol cringe.
Only Jeonghan used to call him that.
Seungcheol stands frozen in the middle of the aisle, with people staring at him weirdly as they passed by him. His mind runs miles a second trying to process what exactly just transpired and what he just did.
And goddamn, he wants to curl up into a ball and just let the earth open up and swallow him right then and there. Maybe throw himself in front of a passing car and pray that he did enough good in this world to enter heaven or something.
Because he sure felt like he was in hell right now.
"Well, see you Saturday!"
Seungcheol groans loudly and drops his face in his hands in frustration.
What the hell did he just do?
Better question, what the hell was he going to do?
Seungcheol has done a lot of stupid things in his short lifetime, but this was by far the stupidest shit he has ever done.
"What am I going to do now?" he whines under his breathe.
He takes a moment to try and consider his options.
Option one:
He could come out clean to Jeonghan, be honest, and tell him that he lied and there was no boyfriend. He simply lied in a moment of panic.
Absolutely not.
Option number two:
He could lie and tell Jeonghan that he broke up with his non-existent boyfriend right before the dinner date and opt-out of said dinner date. Granted, he would have to show up at his ex's wedding alone with everybody and their families knowing that Seungcheol used to date one of the grooms, making the situation more awkward than it already was.
Not happening.
Then again, he could just not show up to the wedding.
"I’d really love it if you could attend."
Seungcheol groans.
He's already hurt Jeonghan enough, he didn't want to disappoint him further and ruin the potential friendship both could have now.
Why was he so dumb? Why did he have to go and run his mouth and put himself in this kind of situation?
"Choi Seungcheol you fucking idiot," he mutters miserably.
"It was nice seeing you again, Seungcheol! Make sure to stop by again soon!"
He lifts his head from his hands, places them on the handle of the cart slowly, and stares contemplatively at the floor.
Maybe, it wasn't quite over for him.
He still had one more option left.
He just hoped the other agreed to his crazy plan.