Chapter Text
Izuku thought, he really thought he could leave Europe behind and throw himself back into his studies. Delve into his newly manifesting quirks and master them one by one—use them to distract from everything that happened.
The thing was this mantra he had created in his mind worked for all of an hour. But then he was getting restless again. His legs wouldn’t stop bouncing, his body wouldn’t stop shifting subtly to find that comfortable spot he could never find, his mouth wouldn't stop softly muttering his thoughts out loud a million words a minute. He was absolutely uncomfortable.
He sat alone in his room, studying for the next oral English exam. Thanks to his recent trip he felt his English had really improved given most the people in the countries he visited spoke it automatically upon seeing a clear foreigner. Rody spoke pretty good English, with an accent of course…
Izuku shook his head and groaned, willing the thoughts away with pure will power. Will power that crumbled seconds after trying. He sighed and pushed himself away from his desk to pace again. Maybe he should go train, burn off some pent up energy (emotions) then study some and sleep.
It wasn’t too bad an idea. As he paced back to his desk he read his clock, 7pm. He hummed, it wasn’t too late, it felt much later for some reason.
He looked out his window, arms folded against his chest. The sun was almost down, just some hued rays casting a rim of golden glow to the grass and trees. The clouds stayed happily still in the sky, darkened by the receding sun. It was no better time to train outside, he had maybe 30-40 minutes of daylight left, and the temperature would be chilly. Perfect.
Without much fanfare he threw off his uniform. Recently he was more careless about some things. Not messy, no, Kacchan had gotten to his head about organization which he was starting to be grateful for, he was just more…apathetic and lost in his head. His thoughts kept going back to the gorgeous sunset in Europe, colors he didn’t even know could mesh like museum art coming together to take your breath away. He didn’t know how amazing the sky could be in an old beat up truck with a guy you hardly knew, yet felt like you’d known so much longer, driving up the side of a literal mountain. He found himself staring back out, frowning because the sunset here just wasn’t the same. Not that he wanted to move to Europe, he loved his home, UA, but he missed the someone he now associated with sunsets. With every. Freaking. Sunset.
He missed Rody Soul.
He was in denial of a sort, he knew exactly what the issue was, why he couldn’t focus and why he was being less himself. But to actually say that out loud? To actually come to terms with the fact what should have been just another high profile mission was dangit! So much more!
So. Much. More…
He yelled out some in exasperation, clutching his hair and whining for all the good that did. He felt frustrated as he shoved on some workout clothes, just so angry all the sudden. He was restless and apathetic before but now he really wanted to destroy something until you couldn’t tell it from dust. He felt like just-
There were a few knocks at the door. Izuku took in a deep breath, let it out slowly, and relaxed all the muscles he'd tensed up. He didn’t realize how worked up he had gotten. How out of it.
Making sure he was actually clothed, because really he had dressed himself entirely on auto pilot, he jogged over to open the door before the other person could knock again. For some reason he felt like hearing another disturbance to his “peace” would make him say or do something he’d fully regret.
Hand on the knob, Izuku turned to carefully open so he could peek out the crack. His eyebrows flew up at the sight, it was Kacchan? And Todoroki?
“Uh- hey! Hey guys what’s up?” He squeaked. He opened the door all the way and moved to invite them in.
Kacchan grunted some form of a response and strolled in. He looked over at the uniform strewn on the floor then plopped heavily onto Izuku's desk chair, legs spread wide and posture practically melting. Izuku felt too confused and emotionally worked up from earlier to really comment on it. Nor on Todoroki who came in calmly and sat on the bed with his hands interlaced in his lap. The epitome of calm in a storm. He looked at Izuku expectantly who stuttered nonsense as he closed the door. Both friends looked at him as if they waited for him to speak.
Why him??
He just stared back, no one was saying anything and it was just getting more and more tense. Awkward in a way, silent.
Bakugo tsked and sat up.
“Cmon nerd. Spill.”
Huh?
Izuku parted his lips, furrowing his brows. He felt his heart quicken, his legs prime to run. His fight or flight instincts were kicked into full gear but for what? What was he so- so worried about?
“I’m sorry- spill what?” He replied, but his voice gave away everything.
Kacchan gave Todoroki a look then folded his arms lazily against his chest, a clear indicator he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Which was a bummer, Izuku was itching to go train, to find some sort of reprieve from the emotions fighting inside him. He loved his friends but right now he was not in the mood to talk.
To them specifically. Or anyone honestly. But they were making his skin crawl. Especially how Kacchan and Todoroki shared another look, another silent conversation Izuku just knew was about the very issue he faced. Maybe he could just- walk out. Say he had an emergency and avoid the whole confrontation he knew was coming. How did he know? He wasn’t sure, he was normally pretty dense in these sorts of things but not today apparently.
And Kacchan read him too well, while Todoroki clued off others and worried too much about him.
“Midoriya,” Todoroki said. It startled him, he wasn’t expecting the heart wrenching tone.
It was worse when he locked eyes with him and saw the raw concern. In that instant, some of his anger melted away, he couldn’t ignore the fondness inside for how much they cared about him.
“What’s wrong? You’ve been different…ever since the world hero mission.” Todoroki spoke so softly and searching that Izuku wanted to cry.
Is this what girls feel like every month? All these emotions in one freaking sitting?
Izuku quietly exhaled out his nose and moved to sit on the bed beside Todoroki where he could easily turn his attention between the both of them. It was no use awkwardly standing by the door. He couldn’t blow off his work study partners and best friends like his flight instincts were yelling at him to. Part of him wanted to rant about it, all that he's been feeling, while the other part wanted to be left alone in quiet isolation.
“Don’t give us crap, Deku,” Kacchan warned. His fiery eyes bore into Izuku like they could pin him right there. And the thing was, they could. Izuku gulped.
He looked down to his lap before taking another breath and staring out the window to the sun that was a simple hill over the horizon now.
Should he just confess?
Todoroki put a hand on his shoulder, he flinched, but settled into the touch as quickly as it came. He cared so much. How could he lie to them? They were there, too. They may not have spoken much to Rody but they helped save the world just as he did.
“I’m just- I- I miss…sunsets aren’t the same.” He sputtered out. The moment he processed what he’d said, and take in the confused expressions of Kacchan and Todoroki, he blushed. He hadn’t meant to word it quite like that. At all.
Kacchan leaned forward in the desk chair, resting his elbows on each thigh, hands laced to hold up his chin. This was feeling very much like an interrogation, and felt like it the second Izuku let them into his haven.
“What do you mean?” Todoroki asked, eyebrows scrunched up. His eyes were soft however, and his lips sat closed in a relaxed manner. Not tight and not loose.
“I mean,” Izuku fisted his basketball shorts. He looked between them, biting the inside of his cheek.
“Y'know…I miss him. It’s not the same. I thought that- yknow I just thought he’d be a nice memory but I can’t seem to let him just be that.” He said quietly.
Todoroki hummed and nodded, Izuku could tell he was trying to piece it all together while Kacchan appeared smug at the confession. Izuku wanted to die.
“Oh I saw this coming,” he smirked. “You've got it bad for case thief!” He said excitedly.
Ok time out. Since when did Kacchan ever look so excited about something like that before? He was surprised, he thought Kacchan was going to rain down hellfire and brimstone but here he was, eyes alit with vigor.
“Wh- wha ok hold on!” Izuku whined. He waved his hands around frantically and shifted in place before he spoke again. “This was not what…what do you mean?”
Look, Izuku could admit Rody was the issue, but he could not admit he had begun to realize he felt so much more than friendship for the quick witted European. He could only accept one thing at a time, this had been a month in the process and it would probably take another to accept that.
Missing and liking are two very different things ok?
Kacchans face fell into a deadpan expression. “You idiot, I said no crap, got it? You have the frickin hots for case thief and you’re acting all dumb and weird because of it!” He pointed accusingly at Izuku, the fire in his eyes blazing. Izuku could see the genuine interest and concern laced in there nonetheless.
Let’s just say he was having just as hard a time processing the way Kacchan was acting about the whole thing as he was about the thing itself. Todoroki too, who had leaned toward Izuku during the whole of the debacle and seemed overly eager for his every next word. It was horrendously off putting, just to add to his list of emotions at the moment.
“I uhm! No it’s- I’ve been missing him is all, doesn’t mean I uhm. Feel that way. About him.” He chuckled nervously.
“Uhg BS, nerd!” Kacchan spat teasingly. He rolled the chair closer to him, grin etching into devious territory.
“I don’t…I’m.”
Izuku wished he could scoot back without essentially submitting to the challenge Kacchan was asserting. How does he even begin to work out this sudden change in character from his childhood best friend? He was acting like Mina almost when she got on her bit about her “ships” , much calmer of course. But this had to be the weirdest thing to happen all week. Izuku didn’t know how to feel about it. Todoroki was collectively a mixture of his normal impassivity, with unnatural interest.
Both were so so so odd.
“Midoriya, it is ok to feel this way, it’s a natural thing.” Todoroki nodded sagely. Kacchan snickered.
What…
“I didn’t say I liked him, I can- I can miss him and just be good friends!” He didn’t sound convincing even to himself.
“Like with you guys! Ochako! Iida! Kirishima! The whole class! I miss you guys if you leave for something! I get all sad and glum, this is normal!”
Todoroki himself stared blankly at him, in that special way that yelled ‘do you hear yourself right now?’
Izuku wanted to take a hot shower. Or leave. Leaving sounded nice.
Oh gosh he just imagined Rody…nope he’s not gonna think about that. Nope nope nope NOPE
“Deku-“ Kacchan started.
Izuku cut him off. “What?!” He rasped in desperation.
He felt the panic take over his emotions again. The anger was gone but the panic replaced the hole that the festering left behind.
“Hey, nerd…stop deflecting like an idiot.” His voice was calm despite the aggressive wording. Calmer than it normally was.
Todoroki’s hand was back on his shoulder.
“What Bakugo was trying to say was you can tell us, we’re your friends.”
“That was NOT what I was gonna say!” Kacchan tiffed.
Todoroki didn’t even pay him a second of time.
“You clearly feel very strongly for this individual. And we have noticed more than particular behavior from you the past month, it is different from when any of us leave.” He said in his monotone voice.
Izuku wanted to argue, make up excuses, goodness blame his astrological sign but Kacchan must have read his mind, shaking his head at him like he wasn’t about to hop around it.
“Deku. Just admit you like the jackass.” He grumbled.
How did they know? He knew he was being glum but- even if that was true he often got this way when getting back from a mission. Especially because he would meet cool, amazing people and miss them. Apparently, apparently he was different this time around as Todoroki said, though he hadn’t noticed. Or maybe he did but he’s so deep in denial he can’t even begin to accept that, too.
Midoriya tried to maintain the stare held between him and Kacchan, but the heat filled his cheeks.
And then suddenly he just-
“We almost kissed.”
HE DID NOT MEAN TO BLURT THAT OUT.
“You-“
Midoriya held up a hand, eyes burning with tears as he looked down at his floor. He was too embarrassed, too exposed to continue on, but his heart had other plans. He felt an overwhelming emotion when he confessed, like his chest tightened but the burden was released. The feeling he had inside that whole time at the airport. When they hugged, when they parted ways and looked into each other’s eyes like they’d been through hell and back, because in some ways it felt like that.
He could feel Todoroki scoot closer beside him from how the bed shifted and creaked. The hand on his shoulder softly rubbed up and down the top of his back. It was soothing, Izuku wanted to say, but gosh dangit a part of him wanted it to stop simply because it wasn’t Rody. How could he be so far deep? What was it that made him like this out of nowhere?
“You almost kissed… case thief.” Kacchan said slowly.
Face buried in his hands, Izuku nodded.
“Y-yeah. He uhm…he's just….” And the tears started pouring out on ugly waves. He sobbed. It was different this time. It was a deep heartache he couldn’t shake.
Gosh could he be any more ridiculous?
The soft back and forth on his back from Todoroki’s gentle hand stopped.
“Look. Nerd. I’m sorry if I’m- I don’t freaking know. Overstepping or some crap, but clearly a lot frickin more went down then we saw. We’re not mad, or whatever. Just tell us how to get you to stop being so weird.”
If he hadn’t been bawling out his eyes, Izuku would have further processed how protective Kacchan had sounded. At least Todoroki was there to witness the breaking of another of Kacchans many many great walls.
“That was better.” Todoroki noted, a somber tone becoming him.
“And you didn’t sound sarcastic being nice to me, good job half and half.” Kacchan retorted without any of the bite.
“Thanks.”
“I’m sorry- sorry guys.” Izuku hiccuped, then continued sobbing. He didn’t mean to interrupt their conversation, his mouth just kept moving before his brain did.
“Midoriya, take your time.”
He was very thankful they didn’t keep pushing him to talk after Todoroki spoke, because right now all he could manage to do was release all the pent up loneliness he felt. Not that he didn’t have an uplutheta friends, it’s just that none were Rody. He ignited something so new and amazing…and Izuku missed every part of it.
He could go on forever about everything that happened on that trip. No one knew some things, he found he left parts out because he felt too embarrassed and shy to confess it. Or was it because he still couldn’t believe how close they got, using survival and other things as excuses?