Work Text:
Nino : Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you lost over your life
Alya : Self Preservation, haven’t seen you in years!
Marinette : Oh wow, my healthy sleep schedule! Thanks for finding this Nino!
Adrien : *Looking around* Mom, is that you?
Nino : ...I was just going to show you the cool headphones my brother found under my bed but do you guys need a hug?
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Carapace : *Sreams*
Chat Noir : *Screams louder to assert dominance*
Ladybug : Should we do something!?
Rena Rouge, observing : No, I want to see who wins this
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Juleka : Is stabbing someone immoral?
Alix : Not if they consent to it
Alya : Depends on who you’re stabbing
Rose : YES!?!
Marinette : WHY IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION ?!?
Juleka : *Sweating*
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chloe : SABRINA!! Can I talk to you for a second?
Sabrina : Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Marinette are having trouble and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Chloe : What?! NO, STOP THAT!! I know how to kiss, I’ve read books.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Marinette : *Laying face-down on her bed*
Alya : Hey, are you doing okay?
Marinette : *muffled* I just need a bit of a break from everything. Including existing.
Alya : Alright girl, if that’s what you want
Alya : *plops face-down on Marinette’s bed with her*
Marinette : *looks up confused* What are you doing?
Alya : *looks up at Marinette* I’m taking a break from existing with you.
Marinette : *smiles slightly*
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*breaking into a locked room*
Alix : WAIT!
Alix : Adrien, quick, give me your credit card
Adrien : *gives Alix one of his credit cards*
Alix : Great!
Alix : Now Ivan, kick the door in.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Futur*
Emma : So… if he’s daddy, you’re mommy?
Marinette : Oh no, Emma. I’m just a very good friend.
Adrien, sobbing on the floor : MARINETTE FOR GOD’S SAKE THAT’S OUR DAUGHTER, PLEASE DROP IT, I SAID I’M SORRY OKAY!?
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Gabriel : I forbid you to take another step down those stairs!
Adrien : Okay.
Adrien : *Jumps out the window as Chat Noir*
Or
Adrien : *Jumps off building as Adrien*
Adrien : Wait-
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Nadia : Chat Noir, would you say you’re independent?
Chat Noir : *Looks at Ladybug*
Ladybug : *Nods*
Chat Noir : *Looks at Carapace*
Carapace : *Thumbs-up*
Chat Noir : *Looks at Rena*
Rena : *Smiles lightly*
Chat Noir : *Looks at Queen Bee*
Queen Bee : *Whisper-shouts* You can respond!
Chat Noir : *Turning around to Nadia*
Chat Noir : I’d say so, yes.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Ladybug : You five. Explain. Now.
Rena : It was Chat
Carapace : It was Chat
Queen Bee : It was Chat
Ruyko : It’s was Chat
Chat Noir : …
Chat Noir : Damn it.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Ladybug : You know, every time you pun I get a migraine
Chat Noir : ...and every time we kiss, I swear I could fly-
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chloe : I’m going to go turn someone into an akuma
Kagami : What, why?
Chloe : Sabrina’s like, 80% of my impulse control
Sabrina : *Sound muffled from inside Chloe’s closet* AND PROUD!!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Post-Reveal*
Adrien : Hey, remember that one time you almost ruined Christmas?
Marinette : IT WAS IN THE NAME OF LOVE!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*In a chatroom*
Marinette : Nose
Marinette : Hehe, I just typed nose with my nose!
Adrien : Heart
Marinette : aDRIEN
Marinette : ADRIEN ARE YOU OKAY
Alya : Dick
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Plagg : I was put on this earth to do one thing!
Plagg : Good thing I forgot, now I can do whatever I want!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Adrien : Are you in love with Marinette?
Kagami : *sweats*...no
Adrien, unimpressed : Then why do you draw ‘M+K’ in hearts everywhere!?
Kagami : It stands for microspectrophotometry and keratoconjunctivitis.
Adrien : …
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Marinette, talking to Tikki : My lucky charm has given me a fork and a spoon
Marinette : So why can’t I get a knife for once!??
Tikki : …
Sass : *From the box* She’ssss wisssssse
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Character’s sexuality with a baseball bat*
Gabriel : I swing only one way
Ivan : I hate agreeing with him…
---
Juleka/Chloe/Marc : I swing only the other way
---
Marinette/Kagami/Rose/Nathaniel : I swing both ways
---
Adrien : I too swing both ways, but only at someone or some people I know REALLY deserves it
---
Nino/Luka : I swing spinning in circles
---
Alya : I swing spinning too, but not blindly. Some people don’t deserve my hits
---
Kim : I don’t even know who I’m swinging at… yet…
Kim : I’m just giving y’all time to run.
---
Mylene : I swing at multiple people at the same time
---
Max : WHY WOULD YOU SWING A BAT AT PEOPLE?!?
---
Alix : I have a gun. Very affective.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Alix : No one in the next generation will be born in August!
Max, visibly confused : Why? The deta never showed a shift in births.
Alix, remembering Max is asexual : *Pating his head gently* Oh sweetie, you wouldn’t get it
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Adrien : You’re such a good friend Marinette!
Marinette : Yeah, we’re friends, but I would kiss you if you asked…
Adrien : What?
Marinette : *Blushing* What?
Alya, in a tree with a megaphone : SHE SAID SHE WOULD KISS YOU IF YOU ASKED!!!
Nino : *Falls off tree branch in surprise*
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Alix : I hate you with every inch of my body
Kim : …
Kim : That’s not a lot of inches.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chat Noir/Queen Bee : We found a way to make money
Viperion/Rena : You WOULD make great strippers
Chat Noir : We’d make A M A Z I N G strippers
Queen Bee : *Nods* Agreed, but that’s not what we're talking about…
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*In a chatroom*
Chloe : The first one to reply is gat!
Chloe : gay*
Chloe : wait
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chloe : *Kicks her way into the room*
Chloe : HIDRATE OR DIE-DRATE MY FELLOW FRIENDS!
Chloe : *aggressively yeets water bottles*
Alya : Uh…
Marinette : She’s trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.
Chloe, on a table pointing around the room : I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!
Sabrina : *crying* It’s working!!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Mylene : My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?
Alix : Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him
Alya : Tackle him
Marinette : Break his legs
Juleka : Kick him in the shin
Rose : JUST ASK HIM TO LEAN DOWN!!!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Gabriel : I’m dad inside
Gabriel : I mean dead
Adrien : But you’re-
Gabriel : No I’m not
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chloe : In light of how it’s our one month anniversary, I allow you to hug me for four to five seconds.
Sabrina : FORTY-FIVE SECONDS!??!!?!
Chloe : NO! NOT FOURT-
Sabrina : *Already hugging Chloe* No backsies!!
(Chloe’s definitely enjoying every second of it UvU)
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Alya : What kind of tea is this?
Nino : Oh, Adrien just boiled some Gatorade
Alya : …
Nino : And it’s pretty good!
Alya : …
Nino : *sips* Don’t knock it ‘til you try it!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Marinette : How do Alix and Kim usually get out of their messes?
Max : They don’t.
Max : They just create a bigger mess to cancel the first one out.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Ladybug, helping Nathaniel : So, what did we practice you would say to Marc?
Nathaniel : ‘Will you go out with me tomorrow night?’
Ladybug : *Nodding in approval* Mhm. And what did you say to Marc?
Nathaniel : ...I accidentally told him to suck my dick
Ladybug : HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY TELL SOMEONE TO SUCK YOUR DICK!?
Nathaniel : I PANICKED!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Marinette : Look, let’s just agree to say ‘I’m sorry’ on the count of three
Marinette : One, Two, Three.
Chloe : …
Marinette : …
Marinette : Now I’m just disappointed in the both of us
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Futur*
Marinette : You’re all lying, cheating, pieces of shit! You’re not the people I married!
Adrien : Fine then! Let’s get a divorce! And I’m taking the kids!
Kagami, preparing her katana : I will slash your organs to pieces until any of you can leave this house. You’re all unworthy of my everlasting love!
Luka, sweating heavily, pushing the Monopoly board away from them : ...maybe we should stop playing
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Chatroom*
Adrien : Pick me up. I’m drunk
Luka : Send me your location.
Adrien : I love this song
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Chatroom*
Nino : Hey Babe!
Adrien : H I N I N O
Nino : Wait, how did you do that?
Adrien : A L I X T A U G H T M E
Nino : I’m scared
Adrien : Y O U
Adrien : S H O U L D
Adrien : B E
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Chatroom* (I’m loving those~)
Adrien : *Send a voice message*
Marinette : I’m a little busy, is it urgent?
Adrien : Nope, don’t worry, just listen to it later <3
*Later*
Marinette, on her bed : *Presses Play*
Adrien’s voicemail : THERE’S A FIRE-
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Juleka : You’re so great I love you
Rose : What was that?
Juleka : Nothing! I just said ‘You’re so great’ and stopped speaking!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Adrien : Why are people always fighting over who’s top and who’s bottom? I would be lucky just to have a bunk bed.
Marinette : *Looking at Adrien, then at Kagami*
Kagami : *Looking at Marinette, then at Luka*
Luka : *Looking at Kagami, then at Chloe*
Chloe : *Looking directly at Adrien, smirking* I’m gonna tell him
Marinette/Kagami/Luka : Don’t you dare
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chloe : This date is boring!
Marinette : This isn’t a date Chloe! I said I was going to the store
Chloe : Then why did you invite me!?
Marinette : I didn’t! I specifically said ‘Don’t come with me’ then you said ‘Fuck off Mari, I’ll do what I want!’
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Kagami : *Flirting* Hey there candied vascular system pumps
Chloe : What?
Marinette, heart in her eyes : She means ‘sweethearts’
Chloe : …why am I dating you guys
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Rose : *Loses Juleka in a crowd* Hey Alix, I can’t find Juleka anywhere and I’m getting worried…
Alix : Alright *cups mouth* JULEKA SUCKS!
Juleka : *Nothing*
Alix : Okay then… ROSE SUCKS!
Juleka : *Punches her way through the crowd with her new guitar* WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT HER!!?! I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!!!
Alix : Found her.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Marinette : I have an empty sketchbook but I don’t know what to put in it…
Adrien : Put spaghetti in it
Marinette : I am not taking suggestions from you.
Luka : Put spaghetti in it
Marinette : I am taking suggestions from anyone but you two.
Kagami : Put spaghetti in it
Marinette : Of all people…
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Gabriel, banging on the door : ADRIEN! OPEN UP THIS INSTANT!
Adrien, just detransphormed : *Panicking* Well, it all started when Mom died…
Gabriel : No, I meant-
Nathalie, taking notes : No, no, no, let him finish...
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chloe : I adverted a murder today
Sabrina : Really??!?? That’s amazing! How did you manage that???
Chloe : *Flicking ponytale* Self control
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Kagami : I will take you out
Marinette : Great! It’s a date!
Kagami : I mean that as a threat.
Marinette : See you at five!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Adrien : Talk to me Nino
Nino : How do vampires always look neat if they can’t see themselves in the mirror?
Adrien : *Beginning to question life*
Adrien : Good Talk
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Nathalie : Make sure you put your toilet seat down sir.
Gabriel : Okay Nathalie
Gabriel, to the toilet seat : You are worthless and no one likes you.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Juleka : Seriously Luka. How. Like HOW did we never figure out that Jagged Stone was our father by ourselves???
Luka: *Nervous* Uhm…
Juleka : He’s the only lover mom has ever had!
Luka : *Sweats* Uhhhhm…
Juleka : The three of us all have the same passion for music!
Luka : *Sweats more* Uuuuuhhhmmm…
Juleka : WE ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE TINY VERSIONS OF HIM, AND EVEN MORE WITH THE DYED HAIR!!!
Luka : *in a puddle of sweat* …damn, and I thought I wasn’t oblivious…
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chat Noir : *does something cute*
Ladybug : That’s it, I’m killing him.
Rena Rouge : Or you could finally admit you like him and ask him out…
Ladybug : Killing him is easier.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Nathalie : So you know how you love me because you haven’t had a single meeting with anybody since I became your assistant?
Nathalie : That’s because every time someone calls and requests a meeting with you, I always schedule it for March 31st.
Gabriel, visibly confused : Why?
Nathalie : Because I didn’t think March 31st existed.
Gabriel : *sighs*
Gabriel : So, then, how many meetings do I have today?
Nathalie, looking through her tablet : 93
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Alya : Well… Time for plan G.
Adrien : Don’t you mean plan B?
Alya : No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Nino : What about plan D?
Alya : Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Adrien : What about plan E?
Alya : I’m hopping not to use it. Lila dies in plan E.
Marinette : I like plan E.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Me (Hello again readers~) : Yo the only thing Ladybug and Chat Noir really have to do to defeat Hawkmoth is make Dark Cupid shoot him with arrow, then he’ll hate his wife so much he’ll give up his Miraculous…
My friend : …ayoo this is actually smart…
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*In the recovery room, at the ER*
Chat Noir : You call it a near death experience, I call it a vibe check from God
Ladybug : *smacks him in the back of the head*
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Marinette : *sneaking into the bakery with a huge coat*
Sabine : Marinette, what’s in the coat?
Marinette’s coat : meow
Marinette : …
Sabine : …
Marinette : drugs
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Fake Adrien : I’ve always been in love with you. Let me give you a kiss before you go…
Ladybug : EWW GROSS!! YOU’RE NOT MY ADRIEN!!!
*Meanwhile*
Fake Ladybug : I realized you’re always here for me, even if I keep rejecting you. My feelings for you grow stronger everyday.
Chat Noir : seems legit!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Adrien : AWW, MARINETTE IS SO CUTE AND TALENTED AND A GREAT DANCER, DESIGNER, GAMER. SHE’S REALLY AWESOME AND I ADMIRE HER SO MUCH. I MISS HER SMILE SO BAD CAUSE SHE’S PURRFECT AND SHE’S MY PRINCESS AND LITTLE LADY. I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING SHE’S USESLESS AND STUPID, JUST D I E.
Adrien : I want to kiss her
Adrien : And hug her
Adrien : but I’m not in love with her
Plage : fuck you
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Hawkmoth before season 4*
Hawkmoth : *Swaps bodies with Viperion somehow* At last! I can see who is under this mask!!
Hawkmoth : *Removes bracelet to retransformer and looks in the mirror*
Hawkmoth : I have no idea who this is.
—-
*Or worst*
Hawkmoth : *Swaps bodies with Chat Noir* At last! I can see who is under this mask.
Hawkmoth : *Removes ring to detransphorm and looks in the mirror*
Hawkmoth : …
Hawkmoth : I have no idea who this is-
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Gabriel, in his E V I L lair : Yes! Now that we know the identities of the Miraculous holders, we can focus our efforts on their families and-
Nathalie : We’ve already been doing that, Sir.
Gabriel : Really?
Nathalie : More than 2/3 of people you akumatize can be traced back to this group of teenagers, and the rest is mostly that pigeon guy.
Gabriel : So do we just… Continue as usual?
Nathalie : *shrugs* I guess?
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Kagami : Well you promised me a revenge match, didn’t you?
Adrien : Of course!
Kagami : Cool, winner gets the girl *Gestures towards Marinette*
Marinette : What?
Adrien : Wha- *Stabbed by Kagami*
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Hawkmoth : *opens his window and leans out*
Hawkmoth : YOU HEAR THAT, PARIS?! HAWKMOTH’S TIME HAS COME!!! SO LOOK OUTSI-
Hawkmoth : *falls out the window*
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chloe : You’re late.
Marinette : You’re stunning
Chloe : …you’re forgiven
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Viperion : If ever you get married, can I have an important role in the wedding?
Adrien : I don’t even-
Viperion : Like the groom
Adrien : *Legit crying while hugging Viperion*
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*In one of their first meetings*
Nathaniel : I’m a moderate, peaceful man.
Marc : YOU THREW A CHAIR AT ME!
Nathaniel : Which was a moderate, peaceful compromise of the table I wanted to throw instead.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Ladybug : This Akuma is personal!
Chat Noir : We can’t go in without a plan, M’lady
Ladybug : There’s nothing you can say that will stop me!
Chat Noir : And what is I said…
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Ladybug : …
Ladybug : I’ll admit, that slowed me down. BUT I’M STILL GOING!!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Shadowmoth, calling : Where are you, my little akuma~
Operator : The akuma you’re calling is currently out of coverage area-
Shadowmoth : Fuck
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Max : Name one fragrance commercial that has ever scientifically made sense.
Kim : What are you talking about? They all make scents!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Marinette : *bangs the phone in an angry huff*
Adrien : Hey, you don’t have to treat the phone like that! How would you like it if I banged YOU on a table?
Marinette : …
Marinette : …
Marinette : I-
Marinette : I don’t know the correct answer to that question-
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Adrien : Who are you?
Felix : I’m you, but a bitch and allowed to say fuck
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Marinette : You and Kagami make suck a great couple.
Adrien : What…? We’re not dating.
Marinette : What are you talking about? You always kiss and cuddle.
Adrien : As friends, you know?
Marinette : YOU LITERALLY HAVE WEDDING RINGS!
Adrien : Yeah, but we bought them cause they match.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Tom, teaching Marinette to drive : Okay, so you’re driving, and Lila and her new puppy walk into the road.
Tom : Quick, what do you hit??
Marinette : Oh, definitely Lila.
Tom, rubbing his temples : The breaks, Marinette. You hit the breaks.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chat Noir : How’s you day going, m’lady? *Winks and kisses her hand*
Ladybug : It’s good. Want me to walk you back?
Chat Noit, looking around : Back to where?
Ladybug : Back to that friendzone you just tried to escape from.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Why Luka and Chloe couldn’t get together*
Luka, trying to make small talks : So Chloe, what’s your favorite season?
Chloe : Ridiculous! Utterly Ridiculous!! Why would you ask me what season I personally KNOW is THE BEST OF THE MOTHERFUCKING BEST IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO NAME THE FUCKING SHOW!??!
Luka : …
Chloe : WHAT!?!?
Luka : …take your time
Chloe : …
Chloe : …oh you mean the weather!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Nino : Dude, your father’s a jerk.
Adrien : My father is… just a bit strict…
Alya : I agree with Nino, your dad’s the devil
Adrien : He isn’t the devil, he’s just callous…
Kagami : They’re right, Mr. Agrest is even worst then Akumas themselves
Adrien : Well, I-
Chloe : I have to agree with everyone, and you know how much I hate to.
Adrien : But he can’t-
Marinette : You’re father’s as bad as Shadowmoth.
Adrien : He isn’t THAT bad…
*A few weeks later*
Shadowmoth : *Is revealed to be Gabriel Agrest*
Chat Noir : I am NEVER going to hear the end of this…
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Bunnix : Up for a little reconnaissance?
King Monkey : Is that where we sculpt and paint naked dudes?
Bunnix : *sighs*
Bunnix : That’s Renaissance
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Alya : Good Morning
Adrien : Good Morning guys!
Kim : Good Mornin’
Rose : Good Morning!
Miss Bustier : Good Morning everyone
Class : GOOD MORNING!
Chloe : Urgh! You all sound like robots!
Chloe : ‘Good morning!’ ‘Good Morning!’
Chloe : SPICE IT UP!
Nino, entering class : ‘SUP DUDES!!!
Chloe : THANK JESUS CHRIST!!!!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Alya : Hey Marinette?
Marinette : *sighs dreamily* Adrien always calls me that
Alya : Because it’s your fucking name.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Reflekdoll episode*
Plagg : Wait a sec, you’re not my Agreste boy-
Marinette : …
Plagg, realizing he fucked up : Uhhh, I mean-
Marinette : Wait, that means…
Plagg : Oh no-
Marinette : CHAT NOIR IS GABRIEL AGRESTE!?!??
Plagg : …
Plagg : wow you’re as dumb as him
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chloe : *annoyed* I think you’d make a good girlfriend.
Kagami : *angry* I’d make a GREAT girlfriend!
Chloe : *angrier* Yeah?! Well I think whoever ends up with you is going to be SUPER LUCKY!!
Kagami : Not as lucky as whoever gets YOU!!!
Adrien : *TeRrIFiEd* What’s happening
Marinette : They’re angry flirting again.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Miraculous be like*
Marinette : I really like this guy but idk how to tell him
Adrien : Just ask him out to the movies this weekend
Marinette : Do you wanna go out to the movies this weekend?
Adrien : No, I meant ask HIM
Marinette : I just did
Adrien : What did he say?
Marinette : I don’t know, you tell me
Adrien : What do you mean???
Marinette : *thinking* What the F U C K
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Alix : *Taps table*
Kim : *Taps table back*
Nathaniel : What the hell are they doing?
Max : Morse code
Alix, smirking : *Taps table aggressively*
Kim, standing up : SHE JUST CALLED ME A STALE LOAF OF BREAD!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chat Noir : Sometimes I look up at the moon and think of you.
Chat Noir : What was your day like? Where are you now? Are you also looking at the moon?
Ladybug : …
Ladybug : You know I’m right next t-
Chat Noir : Shhhhhhhhhhh
Chat Noir : *whispers* I’m being romantic~
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Post-Reveal be like*
Nadia : What is Chat Noir to you?
Ladybug : The reason I wake up every morning.
Nadia/Crew : Aww, that’s sweet~
Ladybug : Yeah…
*Earlier this morning*
Chat Noir, coming through the trapdoor, jumping on Marinette’s bed : WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Futur*
Emma : I’ve decided on what I want as a birthday gift
Adrien/Marinette : We’re listening
Emma : A car!
Marinette : You’re five, Emma
Adrien : How about a brand new bike?
Emma : No! I want a car!!
Marinette : Nope, sweetie. Try again
Emma : *pouts*
Emma : A baby brother then!
Marinette : …
Adrien : So—-
Marinette : sTOP
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Gabriel : I got Adrien a ‘Get Better Soon’ card
Nathalie : That’s… Surprisingly nice of you, Sir
Nathalie : Wait, since when was Adrien sick?
Gabriel : Oh, he wasn’t sick.
Gabriel : I just thought he could be doing better.
Nathalie : and there it is-
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Everyone after whatching any episode of season 4*
Miraculeurs : *Therapists near me*
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chat Noir, patrolling with THE Blue Scarf because it’s cold : Hi M’lady!
Ladybug : What the fuck are you doing with Adrien’s scarf I made?!?
Chat Noir : wait what?
Ladybug : …A-Adrien?
Chat Noir : …
Chat Noir : …dad?
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Ivan : Okay, we need to think straight right now.
The Entire Class : Well shit Ivan, ciao *Leaving*
Ivan : I swear to god guys, now’s not the time!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Ladybug : Sometimes we wish you would just admit when you’ve made a mistake…
Queen Bee, stirring her coffee: Maybe I prefer it with salt.
Ruyko : No you don’t
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Me throughout Season 1-3 : Oh my god WHY doesn’t Marinette just TELL her close friends and family that she’s Ladybug!?! It would make her life SO much easier!
Me after watching Truth : 👁👄👁 Nvm
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Kim, on FaceTime with Alix : Are you mad?
Alix : No.
Kim : So sharpening your knives Tuesday at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Chat Noir, talking to new recruits : Lastly, have you ever been yelled at by Ladybug?
King Monkey/Pegasus/Present Bunnix : I’m not scared of her.
Chat Noir : …
Chat Noir : So that’s a no.
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Ladybug/Rena Rouge : We called you like, eighteen times! Why didn’t you answer the phone??
*Flashback of Chat Noir & Carapace dancing to the ringtone*
Chat Noir/Carapace : …
Chat Noir/Carapace : We didn’t hear it
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
Marinette : You son of a b-
Nino, gestures towards Adrien : *Whispers* There are children present, Mari!
Marinette : -biscuit, son of a biscuit.
Alya : Fiouf. Nice Save girl!
Marinette : I fucking know right!
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::
*Chatroom*
Chat Noir : I just calculated
Chat Noir : I’m 100 kilos
Chat Noir : And so is Rena
Chat Noir : And we just ate 800 grams of ravioli
Chat Noir : Like a WHOLE fucking can
Chat Noir : That means we’re 0,8% ravioli
Ladybug : Chat Rena it’s 4AM what the fuck
Rena Rouge : It was for S C I E N C E
Queen Bee : I swear to fuck I will skin a cat and a fox you if I don’t get my beauty sleep
*Rena Rouge went offline*
*Chat Noir went offline*
:::~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~:::