Archive of Our Own

There’s something about dawn that is quite unique, quite inexplicable. Something that the latter hours of the day lacks to give.

There’s something magical in the way Chan wakes them up. He sits on the edge of the bed, rests a light touch on their hand, and rubs his thumb across their skin that is akin to a feather touch. It always manages to wake them up in a second, no matter how deeply in sleep they had been. Like a light switch turning on.

Maybe it’s that quietness and weightlessness of that early morning that fails to make Changbin question why his leader is asking him to get ready. He simply does as he asks, assuming that they must have a schedule that his sleep numbed brain fails to inform him of.

It’s only when he’s standing fully clothed in the hallway, does he start to register the confusion in his members’ mind. It hits his nerves like electromagnetic interference.

Minho meets him in the living room, where he was eyeing without seeing the black television screen. He turns his head when his ears pick up the younger’s footsteps.

There’s dread in his voice when he says :

“It’s a day off.”

Freezing and anesthetizing blood rushes down Changbin’s veins.

Some rational part knows that such a statement should not occasion this much fear. It’s one of the seven other linked souls that must be this distressed. It steers something in him. He doesn’t know how to name the feeling. It’s something close to fear and apprehension.

Seungmin and Hyunjin appear from around the corner. The taller boy is rubbing his eyes sleepily while Seungmin looks far more awake.

“What’s going on?” he asks.

Changbin opens his mouth. He doesn’t know what he was about to say. It’s forgotten the moment the four of them snap their heads toward Jisung’s and Jeongin’s bedroom. A tear had fallen down the youngest’s eye.

The action had been silent, invisible from their spot outside the bedroom, and yet they had all felt it in the form of soundwave taller than the others, louder than the others. It’s something he can’t explain, can’t find the words to put them into. The Soulmate bond is still too new to master.

Jeongin is sitting on his bed between Chan’s legs, back against his chest. The latter’s arms are flung above the younger’s shoulders where they are pressed on his chest to keep him close, to keep him secure. Jeongin’s hands have a tight grip on Chan’s wrists, as if he was scared that he’ll disappear. Which one of the two, Changbin isn’t sure.

Chan offers them a small smile when he sees the four of them hovering in the doorway. He gently taps the bed sheets beside him, and it all it takes for them to enter their bubble. It’s warm inside, devoid of the coldness that the hall had showered them in. It’s only then that Changbin shivers.

He sits on the opposite bed, back on the wall, facing the others. He wraps his right arm around Jisung’s shoulders as the younger scouts closer. He rests his head on his shoulder, making a spark of protectiveness flare in Changbin’s chest. Jisung looks vulnerable in the way his eyes are half open, glassed over. It could easily be mistaken for sleepiness, but it’s not quite it. Changbin feels it in his bones; Han’s sadness, his defeat, his slump.

Felix enters the bedroom several seconds after them, as though his soul had been a magnet that had dragged him to the other souls it’s linked too. Changbin had left him fast asleep only a moment ago.

“What’s going on?” Seungmin repeats.

Somehow, strangely, it breaks everyone from the fog they unconsciously had been stuck in.

“We don’t even have a schedule, today do we? It’s our day off.” Hyunjin chimes in around a yawn.

“Why did you wake us up Hyung?” Minho asks, staring down at the digital numbers in his apple watch. “It’s only something around five.”

Chan’s emotions are stable. He is calm, his breathing is even, nothing that would hint at fear or panic. They can all feel it through their bond in crystal clear certitude. The words that tumble from his lips feel like an illusion, a hallucination.  

“We are leaving.”

Three words. Short. Simple. Straight to the point. They are leaving.

Changbin blinks in surprise. He had watched Chan’s lips move. Had heard the words spoken in his very own familiar voice. And yet, it couldn’t possibly be true. This couldn’t possibly be happening.

“Is this a prank?” Minho looks around them. “Where are the cameras? Why did you have to do it so early?”

He sounds annoyed, but there’s uncertainty veiled under his tone.

Someone starts shaking. Changbin isn’t sure if it’s himself or Jisung in his arms. Guilt travel through the bond up to his lungs when he looks down at him. What does Jisung have to be guilty about? The same feeling lingers in him when his eyes turn to Jeongin. He can’t feel an ounce of surprise. They knew this would happen. If not, they had been expecting it.

“You know I would never joke about something like this.”

No one doubts his words. A few weeks ago, the managers had asked Chan to prank his members. He was supposed to scream at them, slam his fist on the table and dash out of the meeting room. Chan had told them what was about to happen days before, behind the staff’s back. He didn’t want to do that to them, didn’t want to scare them although reasonably speaking, everyone was allowed to lose control. God knows how many tantrums they each threw at their leader.

“Where would we go? Why do we have to leave?” Hyunjin asks, panic already bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

Chan’s voice breaks, betraying his fake calmness. “I can’t- I can’t tell you. Not yet. You’ll know everything once we’re out of the country.”

“Out of the country?” Felix shouts. He sits up, scoffs and runs his fingers in his hair. “Are you hearing yourself Hyung? You woke us up at five fucking am, you’re asking us to pack our bags, to leave the country and not ask questions?”

Changbin can count on his fingers the times Felix got angry enough to shout and switch to english. His eyes catch the trembling of Felix’s right hand and he realizes then that his anger is solely driven by fear.

“Do the managers know about this?” Jisung asks in a small voice, so quietly that if the room hadn’t been struck by a tense and heavy silence, probably no one would have heard him.

Chan shakes his head. This time too, Jisung and Jeongin don’t look surprised. How much had Changbin missed on? How many things had been going on right under his eyes that he had overlooked?

“Do you trust me?”

They don’t say it out loud, but the seven of their minds connect to speak up in unison.

Yes.

They all trust Chan with their lives. Changbin could toss it in his hands without a single moment of hesitation. He knows that Chan would take care of it better than he himself did in his twenty-two years of existence. They all know, that their own wellbeing weighted heavily on every single decision their leader took.

And yet…

If the person you trust the most in the world asks you to run away without being able to answer any questions, would you go with them?

It feels like he’s reading one of those stupid existential questions online or during interviews that he never really had to think of a serious answer. Except this is real life and he actually has to come up with an answer.

“I trust you Channi hyung. You’re the first person that I ever trusted in my entire life.” Minho says, looking into his eyes.

“I trust you too.” Seungmin’s voice is steady. “You never did anything that harmed us. You never would.”

Hyunjin shrugs. He suddenly looks calmer, as though he had come up with a realization. “It doesn’t matter where I am, as long as the eight of us are together.”

“I trust you.” Jeongin murmurs, squeezing his hand. Chan hums in gratefulness, hiding his nose in the top of the younger’s hair.

Jisung smiles. Somehow, it looks sorrowful. “I’m your first stray kid Hyung. You’re not getting rid of me.”

“You know you’re like an older brother to me Chan.” Felix shakes his head. “No, I think I trust you more than if I had one.”

Chan is moved to tears. He mutely smiles.

All of their heads simultaneously turn toward Changbin.

“Binnie?” Chan asks hesitantly.

Changbin doesn’t even find the strength to try say anything. Jisung sits up and backs away.

Unexpectedly, it’s cold again.

He looks down at his lap.

He trusts Chan, that much is certain but-

Or are they only empty words? Does he actually trust him? It feels like his actions are saying otherwise. Everyone had responded so easily…

Whatever reason Chan must have, how much impact is it going to have on their career? This decision is undoubtfully irreversible. The company will hate them. They will sue them for leaving without their consent. Their contract will be deemed broken and they’ll have the justice on their ass. They’ll have to pay an insanely high amount of money. Even if he could afford to go through all of that, what will happen to his mother and younger brother? He knows Chan only thinks of their wellbeing, but he himself has to think of the safety of his family. Will he still be able to send them money? To afford for their living? To pay off his ghost father’s debt? His mother doesn’t work, his brother is too young. They can’t live without his paycheck.

The other members couldn’t possibly understand.

Chan’s and Felix’s families are well of in Australia, they won’t be affected by all of this as much as the rest. Hyunjin only has a father to worry about, one that is the CEO of one of the biggest names in Korea. Jisung’s mother runs a five stars restaurant. Seungmin’s twins’ sisters both have a well payed job that can take care of themselves and their grandmother just fine. Jeongin’s parents both have a growing business and his older sister is aboard doing really well. Minho, as cruel as it sounds, doesn’t have a family to worry about. Whatever happens with the lawsuit, the lifestyle of the members’ family would not be affected. On the other hand, he could not say the same thing for his own.

It’s too much to think about. Too sudden. Too early.

He tries to approach the situation differently. To think about it the other way around. Chan made Stray Kids. He trained seven years, and Changbin knows how hard it had been to come to where they are today. He was there through most of it to witness it. Their leader cares about their group, about how far they’ve come, about their fans. He would not send them to almost certain disbandment if he didn’t have a reason that was far more important. If he didn’t have a plan. He also knows and has met all of their respective families, and knowing Chan, he’s not the type to act on impulse or recklessly. He tends to overthink his decisions sometimes more than necessary. What could possibly push him to flip over his members’ and their family’s lives?

“Are we in danger?”

The atmosphere grows impossibly tenser. It’s suffocating, making it hard to breathe. He keeps his eyes fixed on Chan’s who doesn’t say anything. His eyes are heavy. His silence speaks of itself.

Changbin draws in a sharp breath. He doesn’t hear nor see the others’ reactions. His ears are ringing. He doesn’t know what to think, everything is crumbled in his head. He looks up when he feels a gentle touch on his knee. Chan is kneeling on the floor besides Jisung’s bed. Changbin knows from his eyes alone. There’s so much the older wants to say. So much he wishes he could say. There are so many apologies repeating inside his mind like a mantra. So many forgiveness he wants to beg for. But he doesn’t say anything. None of them knows why, they don’t even know if Chan realizes that at this precise moment, they can hear his thoughts and feel his worries like their own.

“You know that I’ve always trusted you right?”

Chan nods. He blinks back his tears.

“I’ll follow you to the end of this galaxy. I know that you can’t live without my handsome face.”

Everyone let escape a small laugh. The dark room brightens.

“We were having a moment there. Why did you have to break it?” He smiles so incredibly sadly in a way that Changbin never thought was possible. Chan sits on the floor. He looks up at his members around him, and again, with his hand tapping the carpet beside them, urges them to sit down. The seven of them encircle him.

Chan looks at all of them one by one. He has that look in his eyes that bears so much love and care that it feels like it’s about to overflow. “I know that what I’m asking is more than anything I ever asked of you.”

“Hard to say.” Hyunjin cuts. “Remember that one time you asked me to be in the same group as my sworn enemy?”

Jisung snorts a surprised laugh. He wraps an arm around Hyunjin’s neck, bringing him down to ruffle his hair. It’s usually Jisung that jokes around to make Hyunjin laugh. It’s the way their dynamic works. For it to be reversed is a dead giveaway of how out of character the september boy is acting. Even in a situation like this.

“Or that one time you asked me to crack an egg.” Changbin speaks up, noticing how much Hyunjin’s comment had lightened the tension in everyone’s shoulder, how Jeongin’s lips had glitched in a small smile. “Remember how that ended? May that already dead chick rest in peace a second time.”

Felix gasps in offence. “Why do you have to say it like that?”

Minho raises an eyebrow. “Do we need to have THE talk about where eggs come from? Chan, I thought you said you were going to tell him.”

“Can we focus?” Seungmin asks in exasperation with no real bite in his voice. “I think Chan hyung just said that our lives are in danger.”  

“He didn’t say it. He thought about it. All the difference.” Jisung comments with his raised index.

Fondness and guilt sparks in Chan’s eyes. “I know how hard this is for you.”

“I’m never eating eggs again.” Felix mumbles under his breath.

Chan reaches to hold his hand. He chokes in his next words, abruptly chasing all previous playfulness that had tried to cover the groups’ eating distress. “I just- I need you to trust me one more time. I promise you that I’ll explain everything as soon as I can, as soon as it is safe for you.” He gulps visibly, trying to swallow back down the threatening tears, the fright, the panic and everything in between. It sends a wave of anxiety across the group. Chan is their anchor, the core of what links them. If Chan was relaxed, things were okay. If Chan was scared, it sent them dangerously close to the edge. They were like children that mirrored their mother’s emotions in an unfamiliar situation. “You know how much I hate it when something or someone does anything that upsets you.”

Changbin knows. They all do. The few times their leader truly got angry was when other people wronged, not him, but his members.

“They pushed me to come to the point where I have no other choice but to do this to you.” Inhaling deeply, he closes his eyes. When they are open again, he exhales, and it’s as if he’s as calm as he had been when he first woke them up. Changbin’s mind clears. It hits him that Chan is repressing his emotions as not to influence theirs. He can only guess how hard it must be.

 “We need to leave home.”

---

It’s with a sense of urgency that they start packing. No one question their leader anymore, no one even whine when he asks them to share one suitcase with another member. They understand that they need to travel as light as possible. Eight people with eight suitcase don’t exactly pass unnoticed. Chan calls out the pairs confidently, without an ounce of hesitation as though he had weighted all the pros and cons before hand. He probably did.

Minho and Seungmin  are put together. As cat and dog as they might be, everyone knows that they work amazingly well together. They never argue when it comes to sharing a space, and their decisions never goes against the other. Changbin is paired with Felix, and although he wouldn’t have minded being with anyone else, he’s relieved he’s with him. He tends to be a ball of nervousness that affect his decision making. Felix’s light and bright personality always manages to ground him. Chan is the best when it comes to calming down Jeongin overflowing energy and the youngest listen to him the best. Hyunjin and Jisung balance and complete each other in perfect harmony, making them a perfect duo.

Still, Changbin doubts that’s the reason Chan arranged them this way. The first thing he notices is that the four oldest members are each with the four youngest. The second thing is that their three fluent english speakers are with a member that is less comfortable with the language. Jisung and Hyunjin, are the second best after Chan, Felix and Seungmin, which should make it easier for them to communicate by using their combined knowledge.

“I want you to treat the member you’ve been paired with like your other half. You two are Thing one and Thing two. The ying and the yang. Patrick and Spongebob. Shrek and Donkey.” Chan says in the hallway before he discards them to pack their things.

“Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide.” Minho adds, glancing at Seungmin who rolls  his eyes.

“At least it’s clear who’s who.” The latter snorts.

“Whoever you portray your crime partner as, I do notwant to see one of you without the other. You shop together, eat together, room together, your plane seats are beside each other, you go to the bathroom at the same time and even if you need some alone time, you’re going to get some alone time together.”

Chan’s face is dead serious, but his seven linkers can’t help but let escape a small laugh.

“Can you imagine telling our trainee self that a day will come where we’ll be shadowing each other and that we’ll be happy about it?” Jisung asks to Hyunjin’s loud giggles.

“I think whatever fate awaits us here is far kinder than having puppy Seungmin following me around.”

“Dog owners are the ones that follow their pets around. Everyone knows that.”

Minho narrows his eyes. “We’ll see about that Puppym.”

Chan clears his throat, bringing the attention back to him. His nervousness has significantly eased. Changbin wonders if it’s only him that isn’t able to tell the older’s emotions from beyond the front he’s putting on. If Minho, Seungmin, Jisung and Hyunjin are seeing clearer through Chan’s mask, if that’s the reason they’re joking around in a situation like this. If the bond they share with him is stronger.  It’s not jealousy that burns Changbin’s chest. It’s guilt. How reliable of a friend is he if he can’t even tell with exactitude his soulmate’s tormented emotions? If he can’t know when to help him?

“Strictly ONLY necessity in your suitcases. Nothing that stands out for clothes. Don’t forget your electronics and no Felix,” Chan cuts when the younger Australian raises his hand. “That does not include your PS5.”

At his dejected expression, he adds. “Though your Nintendo shouldn’t take too much place.”

“What about food?” Jeongin asks.

“Only snacks. We can buy food anywhere. That goes for shampoo and conditioner and body wash. We’re taking only one of each. We can buy them in almost any store.” When no one complain, he adds, “I’ll be taking all necessary medications in a separate bag. Once you’re done packing your personal belongings, I want everyone to double check if I didn’t forget anything that you might need. Questions?”

No one has anything to say. Their leader really had planned everything.

He looks down at his watch.

“Perfect. The taxis are arriving at 6:15.”

Chaos ensues.

A whisper filled chaos, no one dares to raise their voice as though they were scared a serial killer would hear them, but one nevertheless. Chargers of laptops and phones are slithering like snakes around piles and piles of clothes sprawled on the floor alongside suitcases. They’re all running in and out of their rooms, either to fetch something they left in another member’s bedroom, or for the pairs that don’t room together, to travel their stuff to wherever their shared suitcase is. It’s a hustle trying to gather their stuff sprawled around the house giving that they’re not exactly the most organized men out there.

‘ANYONE SEEN MY EARPHONES? ’ Changbin loudly shouts in his brain. He’s not sure it’s going to work, but it’s worth a try.

Jisung who had been stealing one of Chan’s favourite black hoodie violently startle. He drops the clothe and snap his head toward him, staring down at him as though he had yelled profanities.

“Well guess that worked.”

‘WE CAN DO THAT AND NO ONE TOLD ME?’ Minho screams in their brain.

“Freaking hell can you stop yelling?” Jisung asks out loud to the deadly silent apartment only disrupted by rustling clothes and hurried footsteps.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Felix shimmers, entering the room to throw a pair of clean jeans in his side of the suitcase.

‘We should practice communicating like this. It’s wicked.’ Seungmin comments.

‘Okay so my earphones?’

Changbin’s inner thoughts speaks up this time with Minho’s voice. ‘You lose a pair every month.’

‘Channi Hyung or Lee know Hyung, please come knock some sense into Jisung. He wants to take the photo album with him. That thing weighs a tone.’ Hyunjin whines a few moments after Jisung had left Changbin’s, Chan’s and Felix’s room.

‘It has all of our pictures in it! I spent too much time on this, I’m not risking losing it.’

‘Speaking of album, should we take our albums with us? At least one of each.’ Jeongin worriedly asks.

‘Why would we ? You can find them in most music stores and online.’  

There’s a moment of silence before he hesitantly states, ‘What if JYP boycott us? What if he gets so angry at us that he decides to stop producing our albums ?’

 There’s a swarm of emotions that travel through the link and intertwine in a fuzzy ball of threads. Changbin recognizes confusion, doubt and fright.  ‘He’ll lose an insanely amount of money. He would never do that.’ 

‘On another note,’ Chan continues,‘I don’t want to separate from the albums the other groups gave us throughout the years.’

Minho scoffs.‘That’s ridiculous, no one will come and throw out all of our stuff. Even if something like that happens, we can just ask them to sign us new ones again.’  

Changbin stops folding his clothes and looks up at BTOB’s album proudly displayed on a shelf besides some of their trophies.

‘What if they won’t want to ?’

It’s a thought Chan hadn’t meant to send them. Changbin doesn’t know how he can tell the difference, but he does.

‘Why wouldn’t they ?’

No one answers his question. The silence of the apartment suddenly falls heavy on their shoulders. They all had halted in their movement, had frozen in their task.

Changbin doesn’t need anyone to answer him.

He knows why.

The Agape bond, like the name translates to, is born from the strongest and purest form of love, one that is said to be selfless, sacrificial and unconditional. It is mostly found amongst family members. Some calls it magic, because what else could possibly link souls to each other? Others label the involved parties as soulmates or soul linkers. The Agape magic is despised by almost every society and culture across the globe, especially when it isn’t born within a family. Articles have called it a non-consensual invasion of boundaries. Politicians and law firms alike had screamed violation of privacy. Some doctors and scientists had even claimed that it could potentially cause what they call forced empathy.

The major issue with soul linkers is the lack of informations and education on the matter. The insufficient scientific explanation provoked a thousand of ethical questions about privacy, consent, stalking, perverts, thief of personal information and so on. There are so many things that still aren’t clear about the subject at hand which only encouraged rumours, speculations, rushed conclusions, prejudices and hatred. All born from the the fear of unknown and of what could potentially cause so much harm.

Very few know that the members of the K-pop group Stray Kids had developed an Agape. Not one, but eight. Changbin didn’t want to think about the scandal that the leak of such information could cause.

The loving look of a cherished friend could turn into disgust in the blink of an eye. Wasn’t there said to be only one step between love and hatred? If the reason behind their sudden run away is because of their SouLink, everyone will end up knowing about it. How many people that love them so much will spite at their feet?

“Taxis will be here in under five minutes.” Chan says out loud, pocking his head into each bedroom.

It successfully manage to snap them out of their daze as they get back to packing, if not a bit more hurriedly than before.

Each pair take a taxi or an uber that arrives five minutes after the  other one had left.

There’s a strange atmosphere in the car ride to the airport. Tension and dead weight settles in Changbin’s stomach. Nausea crashes it’s waves on his body. He doesn’t know if it’s due to the stress or the lack of food that make him carsick. Felix on the other side, has a nostalgic look glazing his eyes. Stray strands of blonde hair that had escaped from under his black beanie are dancing against the wind. He’s looking out of the window, back slumped on his seat. Changbin feels like watching a main character in one of those netflix movies.

He’s almost surprised when Felix’s voice resonates in the car. His tone is soft and rusted around the edges from the early cold morning air.

“Have you ever dreamed of doing this? Get into the nearest public transport and leave?”

“To where?”

Felix shrugs without looking back at him. “I don’t know, that’s the whole point. Just- far away I guess.”

Changbin doesn’t know what to make of his words. Had they ever unconsciously made Felix want to leave? How long had he been thinking about it?

“It’s not because of any of you. It’s not like I had any really intentions to go with it.” The younger looks at him, reaching his hand to squeeze his knee. His eyes find their way back to the window. He wraps his arm around his chest, as if he were cold. “It comes with the package of being homesick. I lived my whole life within the hot waves of the sun. When it gets too cold here, I just have the urge to leave.”

“To take the subway and let it take you to the furthest point on earth back and forth.”

Felix glances back at him with surprised eyes. Then, he lightly scoffs and smile. “Yeah.”

He pauses.

“I know it’s hypocrite of me to say this when I was the one that screamed at Channi Hyung when he offered just that.” He shamefully adverts his eyes.

“No it’s not. Dreaming about something without having any intentions of doing it and actually taking the initiative to do it are different.”

When Felix changes his posture to listen to him, It’s Changbin’s turn to not meet his eyes.

“Before I became an Idol, when I was still living with my mom and my younger brother in that rat rotten hell hole, I fantasized about running away a thousand time.”

His attention wavers. His chest caves in itself, his brain reminds him of the smell of misery like it did back then. He sees himself staring at the ceiling of the room he shared with his mother and his baby brother, thinking of all the places he would travel too if he could.

“I felt terrible each time for having those thoughts even if I would never actually go with them. My shitty convenient store job was paying for my baby brother’s diapers and formula, how could I ever think of leaving them?”

He sighs, shaking his shoulders and forcing a laugh to ease the rust that had settled on his limbs. “Then I figured that that those unrealistic dreams were what kept me going most of the time.”

Felix offers him back a smile. It’s more genuine than his.

“You’re so strong Hyung.”

Changbin looks out of his window to stop himself from responding. He doesn’t feel strong. Never did. He felt weak for not being able to support his family. Pathetic for trying to suffocate his sobs as not to wake his sleeping brother. Miserable for having to live in a shitty shady street. Resilient at the constant lack of food in the cupboard. He felt like a piece of spit gum in the sole of one’s shoe when he had to beg his boss not to fire him. There was nothing in his past life that made him feel strong.

Today too, not much has changed. He felt pleased when he rented a bigger, cleaner and well situated apartment for his little family. He felt thankful each time he transferred money into his mother’s bank account. He felt relieved that his brother could afford to wear as beautiful clothes as his classmates. And yet, he never really felt proud, capable or strong. It always felt as though he had been running and passed  the finish line just in time yet again.

“Weakness results from the drain of one’s strength.” Felix intertwines his fingers under Changbin’s trembling ones. “Exhaustion is the natural result of a long run that only was possible because of the runner’s strength. This feeling of weakness is only there because you’re constantly being strong for yourself and others. Being tired does not mean that you’re not strong or that you’ve never been.”

Changbin blinks back his tears. The words engrave themselves in his chest like a tattoo. Oh how he wished someone had said that to his past self.

“Isn’t it too early for deep talks?” He smirks.

“What do you mean? 6 am deep talks are the best.”

Felix squeezes his hand before he turns his attention back to his window.

Changbin is grateful for the little privacy that allows him to collect himself.

He remembers that one time he held his brother’s hand on their way to his first day of school. Was this how the five years old had felt back then?

He hears the music that is playing in Felix’s ears in his head.

This town is colder now

I think it's sick of us

It's time to make our move

I'm shakin' off the rust

I've got my heart set on anywhere but here

I'm staring down myself, counting up the years

---

It’s weird to arrive to the airport and not find hundreds of fans and reporters already waiting for them. He can’t say he misses it; it’s relieving to be able to walk without screams and the blinding shots of cameras.

Like Chan had instructed, after sending off their suitcase, they immediately head to boarding. They find Minho, Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jisung already there. Chan and Jeongin arrives ten minutes after Changbin and Felix. They don’t sit beside each other, don’t even glance toward the other. In the plane, Chan had booked their seats so they would be scattered in the business class. To blend in the crowd or whatever those secret agent movies said.

Changbin stares down at his ticket as he sat in the middle of the plane, Felix a couple sits ahead.

‘Spain hmm?’ he thinks, sending the thought to the seven threads linked to him.

‘Is it really the best choice?’ Jisung thinks.

Chan responds almost immediately.‘Wouldn’t know. We’re not heading there.’  

There’s a moment of silence before he sends their way another thought. ‘We’re getting off on our first stop.’

‘Rome.’ Hyunjin says.

‘Even if the managers get their hands-on which plane tickets we purchased, they won’t know that we didn’t board after our first stop in Italy.’ Jeongin’s voice is vibrating with amazement. ‘Channi Hyung, since when did you get this smart ? They grow up so fast.’

A chorus of laughs erupts in Changbin’s head.

They’re quickly interrupted by Minho’s whispered thought, sounding annoyed.

‘Can you keep it down? Seungmo’s sleeping.’

The rest of the trip is long and tiring. Changbin has to stop himself from anxiously checking his phone. He wonders if the managers or their parents have noticed their absence, if they’re bombarding them with phone calls and texts. If they’re worrying them sick. For a reason he doesn’t know, Chan isn’t worried about the matter, which successfully manage to calm Changbin down. Thirteen hours are spent sleeping, trying to take his mind off by watching movies and cartoons, eating and mentally bickering with his SouLinkers. They all sigh in relief when they leave the airport for two waiting taxis. Chan gives them the address of the hotel they would be staying at, and they’re off to go.

It’s 9pm in Seoul time and 2pm in Rome when they finally check in their rooms. There’s nothing special in them, after visiting a couple hundred of hotels throughout their past world tour, they all end up looking like the other.

Changbin is laying on his double bed, Felix unpacking his bag, when Chan enters the room after softly knocking.

“Hey,” He murmurs from the doorway. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a zombie. My whole body aches.” Felix yawns. “I just want to sleep for the next twenty-four hours.”

“Of course. Let me know when you two wake up, alright? We can talk then.”

Changbin and Felix exchanges a glance.

“Yes, as in THE talk.” Chan answers their unspoken question.

Changbin doesn’t know what happens next, he only vaguely remembers their leader leaving the room before he fell asleep.

He’s standing behind a convenient store, in a shady alley with a green jacket hanging off his shoulders. He knows what’s written on its back without having to look.. He had worn this exact 7eleven’s uniform a thousand time.

There’s a man swinging left and right in front of him, a bottle of alcohol in his hands. He stings of it. It’s a familiar scent.

‘Changbin. Give me some money. You should at least do that for your father.”

‘You shouldn’t be here.’ Changbin scrunches his face, looking left and right as though something or someone was about to bounce at him. ‘You’re going to get me fired.’

His father takes a step forward. The son takes one backward.

‘Don’t be an ungrateful brat.’ He spits.  

‘You and mom are over. We have a restraining order against you.’ The teenager hides his hands in his jean pockets. His fists shake. ‘Dad, you shouldn’t be here.’ He repeats.    

What follows next is a blur. His progenitor shouts some incomprehensible words before he slams the glass bottle on his oldest son’s head.  

 Pain shots down his body like a jolt of electricity. His vision darkens.

He stares down at his palm. It’s bright red.  

When he looks up, he finds himself walking in a street bursting with a night born fun fair. Laughing kids, stinky cotton candy hands and colorful park tickets are making the stars above blush in comparison. Yet, all the young boy’s eyes could see was the crimson red candy apple in his hand.

‘Do you know how they call them in French?’ He asks his dad, ‘ Pommes d’amour. It translates to Love apples.’ 

‘Felix,’ The man says, catching his son’s attention. ‘I’m sorry that you have to work to help us. I promise it will get better once I find a job.’  

The freckled boy smiles, watching attentively his dad’s absent eyes staring into the crowd. ‘It’s just a part time job father. Besides, I’m using the money to pay for my own stuff. It’s not something you have to do for me.’  

The older wraps an arm around his son’s shoulders, bringing him closer to his side. ‘It’s our job as parents to pay for wherever you need until you’re grown enough and can walk on your own two feet. You’re still a baby.’  

‘Hey!’ Felix shouts in mocked offense. ‘I’m a teenager now!’

His face suddenly changes, it loses a couple years, transforming into one of a woman. “It’s not your fault,” she says to him, petting his hair. Changbin absently knows that the child she’s talking to is not him. It’s someone else. Another’s memories, just like the past boy. “You shouldn’t have been born. That’s not on you, but at least try harder to pretend that you don’t exist.”  

She tilts her head with a soft looking smile, her blinding jewellery chanting as they crash into each other.    

The kids’ eyes are dry.

The woman pushes the delicious looking food toward him.  

“You understand, right, Minho?”

He nods. His stomach churns in hunger. He wants to throw up.  

‘Yes mommy.’  

The scenery changes again.  

He’s sitting in a similar looking luxurious restaurant with tables covered in dark red tissue and golden chandeliers. Except this one, is almost entirely empty. The kid this time is younger than the one before, his legs are swinging in the air, not quite able to reach the floor. A Nintendo is captured in his hands. A woman with long golden locks and an aggravated frown is approaching him with a plate of delicious looking food.  

‘JISUNG! Are you going to stay frozen in front of that object all day?’ she scolds, putting the plate in front of him. ‘Turn it off and eat. You haven’t eaten all day.’  

The boy doesn’t lift his eyes from his screen. ‘I already ate lunch. I’m not hungry.’ He mumbles in a flat voice.  

There’s a silence before the electronic is snatched from his hands.

‘MOTHER!’ he shouts, his head snapping up.

‘I’M GOING TO WHIP YOUR ASS YOUNG MAN!’ she screams just as loud. ‘EAT AND GO NAP!’

Changbin violently startles awake.

He’s sweating, and a headache is piercing his head apart.

Felix on the bed beside him doesn’t look like he’s in a better state. His body posture is mirroring his, and when he looks at him, it’s with wide surprised eyes.

“Did we -was that-”

“Yeah” Changbin breathes out. He runs his fingers in his hair. “We just had a collective dream.”

“Can we just-” Felix anxiously looks around him. “Can we go to Chan’s room?”

They’re there in less than a second.

They find Chan handing a sleepy looking Jeongin a water bottle. They exchange a tired look before Hyunjin and Jisung arrives.

“Who knew we could also share dreams?” The former says, throwing himself on the youngest’s bed to rest his head on his left leg.

Felix joins them. “At this rate we’ll discover that we can fly.”

“Ok.” Minho exclaims as he slams the doors open. “Next time we’re having this memory slash dream slash nightmare family movie night, we’re excluding the members with childhood trauma and ptsd.”

Changbin sits on Chan’s bed. He raises his hand. “I’m guilty your honour.”

“Me, Changbin and Hyunjin are passing our turns.” Minho shuts the doors, pointing his finger at them, threatening them to say anything against it.

Seungmin sighs in defeat, letting himself fall on the floor besides Jisung. “Count me out too.”

Hyunjin opens his arms mockingly. “Welcome to trauma racha Seungmo.”

Minho walks up to Changbin. He wraps his arm around his neck as he carefully filters his hair and examine his head.

“I’m fine Hyung. It’s all in the past.” He mumbles in an annoyed tone although he doesn’t shake the dancer off.

“By the way, you!” Hyunjin suddenly shouts, sitting up and pointing an angry finger at Jisung. “I will never forgive you for waking up before eating that delicious food. Hope your mom whooped your ass.”

“It’s not my fault we woke up before the eating part!” Jisung gasps offended.

“I don’t know Hyung.” Jeongin shrugs. “It was your part of the dream.”

“Alright. Next time, I’ll make sure to eat before waking up.”

Changbin smiles. Knowing Jisung, he would have argued for at least a few more minutes. Instead, he tries to help lighten the mood. They all can feel that Minho and himself don’t want to talk about what just happened in the dream. It’s Jisung’s way to comfort them. It’s a small gesture but it’s greatly appreciated.

A silence settles between them.

It stretches and settles on their shoulders.

They can’t keep ignoring the subject at hand.

“Chan Hyung”

Minho watches as he raises his head from where he had been absently staring at the floor. He’s standing by the window on the right of Jeongin’s bed, back against it.

The dancer tries to keep the tone of his voice as even and lowered as he possibly can manage. He’s careful not to have in the timbre of his words anything that may sound as accusing.

“What are we doing here?”

To everyone’s surprise, it’s Jeongin that speaks.

“It’s my fault.”

Changbin is suddenly overwhelmed by so much guilt that he forgets to breathe. Nausea climbs up his throat, threatening to suffocate him.

“It’s not your fault.” Chan sharply responds, sounding like he had repeated the same words multiple times.

“But it is. None of this would have happened if he didn’t hear me and Jisung talk about it. If I hadn’t confessed to him.”

The leader is about to contradict him when Seungmin cuts him short. “What are you talking about?”

Jeongin takes in a deep breath. His chest trembles like a miniature earthquake.

“Manager Lee heard me talk with Jisung about our SouLink. He cornered me when I was alone a few days ago and I-” tears swell up in his eyes. “I told him. I trusted him. That man saw me grow up since I was fucking fourteen.”

Hyunjin sits up, the only noticeable movement in the deathly still hotel room.

Manager Lee had always been like a second father to all the trainees. Not only did he become their main manager when they debuted, but he also is the director of the promotion department and the co-director of division one. Not once had he treated them wrongly in the past. Not once did they not feel safe by his side.

Until now.

Changbin’s heart beats louder in his chest.

“He looked at me with so much disgust. So much disappointment.”

Jeongin’s memory appears in all of their brains like a movie. The older man and their youngest member are sitting in a van. They see Mr. Lee’s expression in microscopic clearness. Repugnance is deforming his traits in distinct trenches of wrinkles.

“You can still be saved IN. You can still be cured.” He says in a voice that tries to be comforting. His hand is heavy on the artist’s shoulder. “But you need to let me help you. You wouldn’t want to contaminate the rest of your members, do you?”

Changbin feels like his body has turned into a rock. He is frozen by the feelings his younger soulmate was haunted by on that day. The surprise. The growing repulsion at himself. The guilt. The betrayal. The fear, not because of the situation, but of the man in front of him.

“We left because of him, didn’t we? Because of me?” Jeongin looks up at Chan, eyes wide and challenging to tell the truth. So convinced of his words.

Minho takes a step forward.

“I swear Hyung, I’ll write his resignation letter myself. Do not tell me that we did all of this because of that frog face.”

Chan shakes his head. “You think I wouldn’t have made him pay if it was even possible? I’m not scared of that low life.” His voice is cold and stern. Changbin hates when his older brother is this angry. He hates manager Lee for saying that to Jeongin. He hates that he can’t punch him in the face. He hates that they had to leave. He hates not knowing why. Hates this confusion clouding his mind.

“I couldn’t do anything. The situation escalated like quicksand. I tried facing him about it, I even brought the matter to the higher ups, but it only made everything so much worse. Lee made sure all the staff knew, from our choreographers to make up artists, stylists and directors. They all…”

Chan doesn’t need to finish his sentence.

Changbin would have been blind and deaf if he hadn’t noticed the weird looks and whispers thrown behind their backs. The past month had been nothing but tense and awkward. No one that worked with them looked or talked with them the same way. Back then, they had all been too stressed with trying to figure out how the SouLink worked. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he hadn’t caught on Chan’s and Jeongin’s growing distress. Suddenly being able to feel seven other’s emotions and random thoughts is not an easy task. Still, he should have known. He should have noticed.

“I saw that you’ve been avoiding manager Lee the past weeks,” Felix approaches to sit closer to IN. He looks at him in the eyes, trying to find the answer to all his interrogations in them. “But I didn’t feel any real negative feelings or thought from you about him. I just thought that I would have been able to feel it if anything really was wrong…”

 Jisung shakes his head sadly. “The link doesn’t work when one strongly doesn’t want to share what they’re thinking or feeling with their other soulmates.”

“There’s more you’re not telling us.” Hyunjin accuses. He grabs Jeongin’s hand protectively. There’s so much failed contained hurt in his voice. “What did Mr. Lee do to you? What else did he say?”

Jeongin clears his throat. He fidgets anxiously. “It was mostly just words. ‘You’re disgusting’ here. ‘Charges could be pressed against you’there. ‘You’re a danger to society.’ ‘You’re going to ruin the members. Stuff like that.’”

“Is that why you’ve been distancing yourself from us?” Seungmin asks, shocked. They had all assumed it was because he couldn’t process the idea of the SouLink yet. “Why didn’t you tell any of us?”

“What he did to you was verbal harassment!” Minho shouts. “I’m going to rip him apart the SECOND I set foot in Korea.”

Seungmin has to stand up and drag him back to calm him. Not only was he risking attracting unwanted attention to their room, but his burning anger was starting to affect everyone.

Chan had closed his eyes, arms wrapped around his chest and hands tightened closed.

“Not only was I not able to get that trash bag fired,” He says in low tone, quietening everyone down. “But he brainwashed everyone’s brain like the virus that he is. I-”

He chokes on his words.

Changbin’s ribcage tightens around his lungs. He doesn’t know if the pain is his or from one of the others. Maybe it’s all of theirs at the same time.

“It was five am. I was just heading back home when I heard them.”

They all see him. Chan, standing in a hallway, back against a wall, a door creaked open on his left.

“We need to send them away as soon as possible Sir. It’s for their own good as much as ours. You know it too.” Manager Lee’s voice murmurs. “I’m sure you can imagine the scandal this will cause if it ever gets leaked. We will lose millions of dollars. Sponsors and share holders will bite our fingers off.”

Park Jinyoung’s voice is as recognizable as crystal. “I have the contracts with the research clinic ready. Just make sure the eight of them sign it quickly. Get the hiatus announcement ready.”

“You won’t regret it.” Mr. Lee says, a grin obvious in his tone. “They will be cured and their comeback after their long hiatus will break records.”

Chan cuts the memory short. The last thing they all feel on how their leader was feeling on that day is pure panic and the stray thought ‘not again’.

“What was that? I don’t-I don’t understand.” Felix stutters.

“What hiatus were they talking about?” Hyunjin panickily asks. “Why would they do that to us?”

Chan’s eyes flies across them. “Have you ever heard of ISOB?”

Minho’s face loses colours. For a moment, Changbin is convinced he’ll faint, readying his body in case he has to jump and catch him. Instead, his older teammate sits heavily on the bed. He grips his head in his hands, realization downing on him.

It’s not really surprising, Chan thinks as he observes him. Minho has a lot of senior friends from multiple groups, some of them being Btob’s Minhyuk and Seventeen’s Seungkwan.

“The institute of research on soul breakers.” Minho gloomily says.

Chan nods. “They work closely with Entertainment companies. Trainee and Idols in exchange of money.” He spits the words as though they were venomous. “They force you to sign with a lot of disgusting methods like brainwashing, threats and manipulation. ‘No company with ever accept you with a SouLink.’ ‘We will let you debut as soon as you’re all fixed.’ Or the opposite: ‘We will never let you debut in this state.’ ‘You should be grateful that we’re letting you go through the procedure for free.’”

Jeongin sits up. “Why did you take us away then? If they can fix this, if they can heal us, why are we here?” He accuses, eyebrows frowned. He sounds desperate.

No one dares to say a word.

Changbin can’t understand why the youngest’s words sounds so wrong in his ears.

“Because a SouLink is not a disease. We’re not sick or broken. There’s nothing wrong with us.” Chan sits to face Jeongin, taking his hands in his. His tone drips with patience and the absolute need to make all of them understand.

“But there is, isn’t there? There’s nothing normal with all of this, with hearing and feeling each other’s thoughts and emotions. I can’t even begin to name all the things we can now do because I don’t even understand half of them.” Changbin dares to say. His voice sounds rough even in his ears. “There must be something wrong with us.”

“There isn’t.” Chan turns to look at him. He bits his lips, thinking hard. “It’s like- having to share your room with your sibling. It sucks sometimes and it can be inconvenient, and you wish most of the time to have your own room. But as much as it can be annoying, there’s also pros to it.”

He turns to look at all of them. “It’s perfectly understandable not to appreciate sharing a part of your mind with someone else, even if you love that person to death. That’s completely valid. If ISOB offered a safe and truthful solution, I wouldn’t have gotten in the way of any of you.”

“I get that forcing SouLinkers to participate to their clinical trials is wrong, but If I go there willingly, if that’s what’s good for me, then why would you stop me?” Jeongin stresses, trying his best to pass his point through without coming off as disrespectful.

Minho shakes his head from where it’s still captured in his hands. More of his hair fall in front of his eyes. “You don’t get it.” He mumbles.

“ISOB is a private company sponsored by foreign billionaires. Which means that the government prefers to stay away from them. They don’t control their researches as much as they should be, if not at all. It’s almost a slaughterhouse there.” Chan runs his fingers in his hair in frustration. His heartbeat picks up.

“They give you a drug with awful side effects that are most of the time irreversible, unbearable and that could even cause a cardiac arrest. They treat you like absolute shit and practically imprison you in their clinic.” His hands start shaking and his breath catches in his throat. Sweat pearls his forehead. “They keep escalating the dosing no matter how much in a shitty state you’re in. And it keeps getting worse and worse. Some people lost their minds, others never made it out. The lucky ones were left with ptsd as a goodbye gift.”

Chan’s eyes fog. Minho finally straighten his back. He stands up and walks toward him. Everyone else is too frozen in dread to move.

“And then they rip the bond and it’s like the cherry on top of the cake. All you can think about is how you wish for it all to end, no matter how.”

Minho reaches Chan. He crunches beside the bed, carefully reaching to touch his hand.

“Hey,”

Chan lifts his eyes toward him in an imperceptible movement of eye. It doesn’t look like he’s seeing him, as though his gaze was looking through him.

“What did they do to you?”

Flame suddenly burst in his brown irises.

“What I will never let them do to any of you.”

Changbin is suddenly reminded of how much Chan hates hospitals, needles and medications. Of how he insists on accompanying them to their doctors’ appointments despite his phobia. It suddenly all makes sense.

 There’s a prolonged silence.

“Who was it?” Hyunjin finally asks. Patiently. Pitifully.

“Bambam.” Chan says in a more composed tone. “We were like twins. Both only kids that were so far away from home.”

“Was it…” Felix trails off.

“Yeah, when we were still trainees. Right before Bambam was selected to debute actually.” A sigh. So tired. So exhausted. “I was bedridden for weeks. I can’t even begin to imagine how it will feels like to rip eight souls apart.”

Jisung and Seungmin slowly stands up, as if the floor had sucked all their bodies’ warmth.

Changbin wraps an arm around Jisung when he comes to hide by his side. Seungmin finds himself a place besides Minho where they both stand by the window.

“We parted ways for a while but we’re all good now.” Chan reassures. “Wounds turn into scars and they stop hurting as much as they used to. Except they never will fade, and sometimes, their memory burns.”

He smiles sadly. “I don’t want you to ever have to bear them.”

“Why did you not tell us all of this back in Korea?” Changbin asks

“Because then, if we wouldn’t have been able to get away, at least you could still say that you didn’t know anything and were only following my instructions.” Chan inhales longly. “If you still want to go back to Korea, I won’t stop you. It’s your choice. You can tell them the truth, that you just followed me and flew back when you had the chance. “

They don’t need to exchange words. They’ve all come to the same decision; they all can clearly feel it.

Jisung raises his hand. “What’s the plan then?”

Chan darkly smirks.

The mood significantly lightens.

Lightness floods inside Changbin’s chest.

“We’ll use their methods against them.”

---

“Hey mom.”

“Hey baby,” Changbin’s mom soft voice says through the phone.

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?” he asks anxiously, absently pacing across the room.

“No, you didn’t.” she reassures. “How’s Italy?”

Changbin stops walking. His eyes widen. “How-” the words get stuck in his throat, unable to get out.

His mom chuckles quietly. It’s late in Korea. “I’m you mom baby, I know everything.”

A smile spreads on her son’s lips. He had expected this conversation to go the complete opposite way. “That worked only when I was young. I think you lost your powers over time.”

She laughs sadly. She sounds so exhausted, like she usually does. Not from the late hour, his mom never sleeps at night. He always remembered her voice as it is, as though she is holding the word’s burdens on top of her head. “I might’ve.”

There’s a moment of silence. Changbin looks down at his feet.

“It’s Chan, isn’t it? He told you.”

“He told all of us. He met all the parents separately.” There’s ruffling behind the line. He can perfectly imagine her pushing her hair away from her face. “He explained everything to us and asked our permission.”

Changbin sits on the edge of his window, unable to hold his shaking legs. “What did you say to him?”

“I told him my Changbinnie is a responsible adult that can take his own decisions. You’ve always been, even when you were still a child. There’s an incalculable number of time where I felt like you were the parent and me the kid.”  Her voice doesn’t waver, she stays above a whisper. Slow. Gentle. “It’s not something I’m proud of, but I’m proud of you. And I know Chan has your best interest at heart.”

A lump form in his throat. It tightens, as if he had eaten a sour candy. He coughs, blinking his eyes repeatedly to swallow back down the threatening tears. He throws a glance to Felix. The latter is laying on his bed, his back on him. His earphones are in his ears with loud music playing to give the older some privacy.

“I’m scared that I’ll lose my job. I don’t want us to go back to square one.”

“Binnie,” his mom says in a voice that shakes. “Ever since your father left, when I couldn’t do anything but stay in the hospital, you’ve worked so hard to make us see the end of the month. I, as a mother, burdened you with so much responsibilities that I had promised myself to protect you from.”

Changbin can’t stop the first tear from falling. Nor the second or the third. He walks out of the room, into the balcony. “It wasn’t your fault. It never was.” He takes a shaky breath that spill more tears unto his cheeks. “I almost lost you both because of that scumbag. I couldn’t protect you.”

“It never was your job to protect us baby.” Her voice breaks around a suffocated sob. “But you did. You’ve been protecting me and your brother all your life.”

“And I will keep doing so.”

“No. You don’t have to anymore. I will get back on my feet. I will start becoming the mother I should have been to you. You don’t have to worry about things like bills.”

Changbin sits down on the floor. Back on the wall, eyes staring without seeing the beauty of Rome. “Mom…”

“I got a job.” There’s a marked second of hesitation. “Chan got me one.”  

“He what?”

“His grandmother lives alone a few buses stops away from our home. She needs help with cooking and cleaning around the house, it’s really nothing much.” She talks hurriedly, “He knows that I’ve been struggling to find a job, and he only very politely proposed this to me because he was worried about the three of us. He must also have taken in consideration the worst-case scenarios of loosing our income.”

Changbin doesn’t say anything so she adds.

“But if- if you want me to stop, I will. I don’t want you to feel embarrassed because your mom works for your friend’s family.”

“Do you like it?”

“Hmm? ” She asks surprised.

“Do you like your work there?”

“Oh!” his mom excitedly exclaims. “I do. The woman is a sweetheart. She’s lonely and old, she just needs someone to be there for her, to talk with her and listen. Chan’s family tried to bring her to live with them in Australia, but she doesn’t want to. She lived her whole life here; she feels more independent in her own house and country, you know?”

Changbin nods, having forgotten that she can’t see him.

“I feel like she’s helping me and not the other way around. Jihoon’s school is just 15 minutes walk away, so he comes by often when I’m still with her. They are adorable together! She’s the grandmother figure I always wished you both had.”

Her son smiles, appeased. “You seem to really enjoy it.”

His mom shyly chuckles. “I do.”

“Then I won’t ask you to stop. It’s your decision mom, no job is less than the other. Of course, I would like it if you didn’t have to work, but I understand that it must be uncomfortable for you to have to receive money from your son.”

“It’s not like that.” She contradicts. “I just would like to buy you food and presents with my own money. And don’t be angry at Chan for not telling you, I told him not to until I could find the courage to tell you myself.”

Changbin chuckles. “I think I’ll have to thank him actually.”

“He was sure you would say that. He told me to tell you that he is the one thankful that I’m taking care of his grandmother. Him and his family are less worried now that they know she has someone trustworthy by her side.”

She pauses before she says; “Do what you think is right baby. Mom will always stand by your side.”

---

Italy is a beautiful country. There’s so much to see, so much to explore and so many things to be amazed at. From Rome’s breathing memory of the roman empire with its colosseum, to Venice’s canal roads, Florence’s thunderous beauty to Amalfi Coast’s picturesque coastline and towns kissing seas. Each city’s heart is thundering with life, present and past harmoniously twining.

They would honestly need months if not years to visit all the cities Italy bears like her own children.

The first week is by far the best seven days in Changbin’s whole life, and he knows his other platonic soulmates are feeling the same way. Surprisingly, none of their parents are too worried about their little escapade. Hyunjin’s father that is usually so strict on rules had loudly told his son to ‘Live your life a little, break some rules left and right, it’s only then that you’ll truly feel alive.’ Seungmin’s grandmother had said that he needed some adventures to tell his future grandkids. Jisung’s mother had given him a long list of all the food she needed him to bring her. They all tried to make Chan confess how he managed to convince all of their families so well, but he would simply giggle at them. Minho, on the other hand, had never been this happy to not have a family to worry about. He spent the entirety of the first few days laughing and teasing his SouLinkers, and honestly, no one found the heart to tell him off. He had a smile and a laugh that to put to shame Italy most splendid sunset.

The most unsettling thing about it all, is the complete lack of news from JYP. In the eyes of the company, the members are in their respective homes because they’re supposed to be having a week off. Still, it’s surprising that all eight of their artists are across the globe and they have not a single clue.  It speaks loudly of how much they put the safety of their idols at heart.

The first Friday that marks the end of the week is spent in Milan. It’s eight at night and they’re striding the streets of the largest shopping arcade in Europe; the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II. A 48 meters long dome is covering the buildings, offering an open gorgeous display of the stars above. Even the floor is awe stroking with its breathtaking mosaic.

“Hyunjin, I think you’re close to running your credit card dry.” Jisung says with a Versace and Prada bags hanging on his right hand, his left arm intertwined with Hyunjin’s.

“Correction,” the dancer raises his Giorgio Armany, Versace and Gucci bags. “I’m running my father’s money dry. He said not to hesitate, so I will do just that. He’s trying to amend himself for the shitty childhood he made me live through.”

Jisung throws him a hesitant look. His smile drops.

“Is it working?”

Hyunjin shrugs. “I have to live with the Monophobia he caused me all my life. There’s a part of me that finds it unfair that I let him get away with his guilt this quickly.” He sighs. “On another hand, I just want to let it all go.”

Changbin that had been walking a few steps behind them comes forward to wrap an around the taller’s shoulders. “Wherever you decide to do, you’ll always have us.”

“That’s the point.” Hyunjin whole heartedly chuckles. His eyes form two crecents. “I have a phobia of being alone. You better not leave me.”

“Are you guilt tripping us into staying together for the rest of eternity?” Jeongin, to Jisung’s right, asks around a laugh.

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow. “Are you noticing just now?”

“Stray Kids To Infinity and Beyond!” Felix shouts.

Chan crunches in front of him. The younger doesn’t hesitate a second to jump on his back, and arm raised toward the sky, let himself be taken away by his human wings.

“Okay Toy Story’s Buzz wannabee, get down here.” Seungmin calls.

They childishly ignore him, Chan running around the members with Felix happily shouting on his back.

Minho abruptly stops walking, eyes glaring into a dark alley to his right between a domino store and a cheese shop.

Chan stops. “Minho?”

They all halt, eyes turned to their second oldest in the hope of understanding what made him react this way. 

Their main dancer doesn’t answer immediately. “I heard a meow.”

As if to confirm his words, a cat’s whimper resonates in the air. It would have fallen into deaf ears with the loud noises around them if they hadn’t been paying attention at that exact moment.

It’s a kitten, white fur dirtied by the rough stray life and shining ocean eyes that expands to the infinity ocean deludes at. He recoils when he sees the eight humans standing tall in front of him, eyes wide in surprise.

Minho crunches in front of it. He tends him a hand, cooing him to advance.

“How did you even hear it?” Chan asks in amazement, watching as the small ball of fur hesitantly takes a step to sniff Minho’s finger.

“Hyung has cat ears.” Felix grins.

Minho lowers his mask under his chin to offer an encouraging smile. The kitten agrees to be pet, pouring in contentment under his fingers on its head. A huge teethed smile traces a path on the cat lover’s lips, illuminating his whole face instantly.

Suddenly, the sound of a camera resonates toward their left.

They all startle, and Changbin could swear he could feel all of their hearts tumbling down their feet.

“Ah, I’m sorry! I hadn’t meant to startle you.” A stranger with short chestnuts hair lowers down a camera. “I’m a photographer. On my free time, I like to take pictures of strangers, to show them that beauty is everywhere, even when they expect it the least.”  

The photographer throws a look to the cat that had jumped on Minho’s lap from surprise, eyes accusingly staring up at the newcomer.

“Of course, I can send the picture to you if you give me your email and immediately delete it if you wish me to. If it doesn’t bother you, I often post them in my socials.”

The members exchange a glance between themselves.

‘Your decision’ Chan says in Minho’s head. ‘It’s about time JYP knows we’re gone anyway.’

“You can keep it.” The dancer says in an English that tries to be confident as he stands up, securing the kitten in his arms. “There’s something fascinating about having my picture between other strangers.”

“Makes you feel so small in this big world doesn’t it?” A soft knowing smile. “In a good way that is.”

Minho gives his email after seeing the picture.

“Are you tourists by the way?”

Jisung grins under his mask. “What gave us away?”

“A hunch.” The photographer shrugs. “Are you staying in a hotel then? That must cost you a lot.”

Chan chuckles. “Only a small fortune.”

“Actually, my father owns a couple of AIRBNB across the country. They’re way cheaper than hotels, I can assure you. If you want to, I can link you to one. And yes, I’m shamelessly promoting.”

‘It definitely will be more comfortable than hotels.’ Hyunjin sends his thought their way.

“I know this may sound suspect.” The Italian adds after noticing their hesitation. “I promise it’s legit. I’ll leave my contacts and our website with you. You can contact me anytime.”

They exchange a few more polite words before they are left alone.

A silence hangs between them for a few seconds.

“It’s a little girl. Can we keep her?” Minho asks, rising the kitten in the air. She meows at him happily. “I’m going to name her Milan.”

---

Two days later, they’re running inside the AIRBNB, shouting in excitement at the luxurious apartment they got for almost nothing. It didn’t take long to come to this decision, Minho despises hotels.

“I’m not rooming with Kim Seungmin! FREE ME!” Minho shouts from one of the rooms.

“UNTIL DEATH DO US APART HYUNG!” Seungmin screams back, laying on the living room’s red couch. “That’s what Chan hyung said! Your pair is for life.”

“He did not say that.” Jeongin yawns, stretching his limbs as he walks into the kitchen.

Chan gasps, lifting his eyes from the stove. “Are you trying to get rid of me Innie?”

“Hyung no offence but you snore.”

Changbin erupts in laughers, walking into the kitchen to grab something to eat.

“We can change roommates?”

Minho doesn’t wait for someone to answer Hyunjin. He walks up to Seungmin.

“Seungmo, go room with someone else. I’m taking that room.” He says, pointing behind him.

Seungmin stubbornly narrows his eyes. “Why would I? I’m not. I’m rooming with you.”

“Why are you insisting?”

An evil smile spreads on his lips. “Your suffering is my happiness.”

“Why do you want to change anyway?” Jisung asks from the hall that connects the kitchen to the living room.

Minho raises an eyebrow. “So that I can have my own room.”

“There’s five rooms.” Felix comments. “You can each have your own and everyone else can pair.”

Minho rolls his eyes, as if it’s obvious. “Seungmin is scared to sleep alone. Everyone knows that. He needs to room with someone else so that I can room alone guilt free.”

“Who wants take out!” Changbin shouts, receiving multiple yells of agreements.

The rest of the evening is uneventful,  it’s only the next day, when their managers finally contact them, do things spoil like rotten eggs.

They’re angry and spamming them with calls, voicemails and texts. It’s all demands, not once do they ask how they’re doing. They doubt the company cares.

Chan is the one that faces their unleashed anger. He insists on doing it alone, keeping all his members behind the camera where they can’t be seen.

“You know very well why we left.” He sternly says, staring into the eyes of Park Jinyoung. “No, let me correct that. WhyItook my group and left.”

“Chan, you’re not thinking straight. We could have talked about this if you came to us.”

“Yeah? Like you let all the trainee and idols under your care talk with you when you ordered them to pack their bags for ISOB? Like you threw them mercilessly in the wolf’s mouth like livestock?”

“Chan-”

“Their parents trusted them to you and you destroyed us every time you fucking had.”

Manager Lee stands up. He is situated on the CCO’s right. “I don’t know what they told you, but it’s not true.”

Chan laughs. A loud laugh, devoid of any trace of humour. It freezes Changbin’s blood. “I don’t need anyone to tell me anything. I was there. I saw it happen with my own eyes during ten whole years. You did it to me.”

“Channi,” Divison one director calls. The oval meeting table is filled with managers and directors. “I understand that you feel betrayed for what happened to you and to your friends all those years ago. I do and I’m truly sorry. But the other members don’t have anything to do with this. Don’t do this to them. You’re putting their safety at risk.”

Hyunjin winces. His expression distorts. They all felt it, the pain that had thundered its path straight to Chan’s heart. He swallows heavily, looking away to bite back his tears.

“Their safety? Why do you think I took them?”

There’s a confused aura that flies through the table across the screen.

Their leader scoffs. “Oh so they didn’t tell you?”

JYP’s and Mr.Lee’s face go pale.

“Tell them,” Chan encourages. “Tell them where you wanted to send us. You all need to work together to force us into signing the clinical trial’s contract don’t you? Or did you plan to keep all the money to yourself?”

“I don’t know what you think you heard-” The company’s founder starts, eyes going dark.

“Oh, I know exactly what I heard.” Chan lifts his phone. “I have it recorded right here. How euphoric will dispatch be if I give this to them?”

A tense silence flies across the room.

“You think that we didn’t notice the way you started treating us just because of a stupid SouLink? You think we didn’t see the disgust in your faces? You think we didn’t hear you swear at us and call us names behind our backs?” Chan glares at them. Some of their staff have the decency to lower their eyes. “But that’s not why we left, and you know it. We left because you threatened my members’ safety. You planned to force us to go to that awful place. I did what I had to do to put as much distance between you and us. You would have chased us down like rabbits if we stayed in Korea.”

“We hear you know Chan. Come back and let us talk it out.” Their second in hand manager says.

“I have three conditions.” He continues, keeping the phone raised like a gun aimed at their heads. “First, I want a contract specifying that you will never ever again be in contact with ISOB or any other pharmaceutical company of that sort. That you will never as much as ask your artists, us included, to break their SouLink.”

Chan changes the trajectory of his glare to Mr. Lee. “Second, I want that trash bag right there fired for what he did to my youngest.”

Jeongin moves forward. He opens his mouth as though he was about to say something, but nothing comes out. Jisung holds his forearm, shaking his head.

“Third. If we ever decide that we don’t feel safe nor trust you and your employees enough to continue working together, I want you to terminate our contract and let us go.”

They had discussed on this third condition for a long time. The question was if they would disband if one of them doesn’t want to work with JYP anymore or if the whole group would leave the company together. They arrived to the conclusion that none of them wanted to leave the group. Maybe they will want to go their separate way in their career in the future, but for now, just the thought of disbanding sent a shiver of panic down their spinal cord.

“Contact me when you’ll deci-”

“There’s someone that wants to talk to Minho.”

Chan’s confident posture instantly breaks. 

He throws a panicked glance to his second oldest.

‘It’s her.’

It’s not surprise that flares through the soulmate bond, it’s hot blood anger.

Minho abruptly stands up, grabbing the laptop and angling it toward his face.   

He smirks in amusement.

“Hello mother! Fancy seeing you here. How much money did they promise to give you?”

The woman’s face freeze in shock. She gasps. “Minho! What would make you think that?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” He sarcastically snorts. “Could be when you first contacted me after over a decade because my group became a million seller.”

She puts on a shattered face. “That was a misunderstanding.”

If Chan’s laugh had been devoid of any humour, Minho’s the complete opposite. He almost sounds like he’s having the time of his life, if it weren’t for the sheer pain bleeding through the vibration of their soulmate bond.

He breaths out in disbelieve.  “You think bringing the mother that abandoned me when I couldn’t even properly spell my name is going to make me what? Change my mind?”

The woman’s face falls. She stands up and takes a step toward the camera. “Minho... Baby-”

“Don’t you dare.”

Minho’s voice shakes. He raises his chin, his long eyelashes spasms.

“You have no right being here. You should be ashamed to even stand in front of me.”

“I’m your mother.”

“You lost that right when you abandoned me in that fucking hotel room. For three days, you left me to starve, having to eat your leftovers off the fucking floor.” His face breaks, his chest cracks open to throw up all its undigested sorrow. “I was six.”

The woman chokes out a sob. She brings her hands to her mouth to quieten the ugly sound. “I didn’t have any money left. I couldn’t keep taking care of you anymore. I did it for your well-being.”

“You did it because I was a burden to you.” Minho greets through his teeth. “You did it because you’re a heartless monster. You made me believe I was to blame for being born when it was you the problem all along.”

Changbin has to bite his lips to keep his nausea in. His chest aches, his heart pulses pain throughout his whole body. Minho is hurting, and by domino effect, they all are.

“And I was ready to forgive you again. I gave you excuses upon excuses as I kept blaming myself. I didn’t care that I was a neglected child, as long as I had you. But you left. You-” Minho looks away. It’s Jeongin’s sob that resonates in the room in his stead. It’s Jisung’s silent tears that cries in his stead. It’s Hyunjin that hides his face in Seungmin’s shoulder in his stead. Because they can, because none of them is as strong in this situation as Minho, because they can feel all their soulmate’s heartache.  “You left me to this corrupted system, left them throw me around like a disposable plant. And for what? For your sugar daddies that hated my guts?”

His mother’s cheeks colors red in shame. “You’re going too far. You were a kid and you still obviously are; you wouldn’t understand my reasons.”

“I grew up well Mother, thank you for asking. I’m the one to thank for that and a handful of good-hearted people I met along the way. You were just the first storm in a long journey, and my only regret is that I didn’t see you as just that, a passing storm.”

Her face softens. A tear falls down her eye, going down to kiss her red painted lips. “Come back home baby, we can talk it out.”

Minho’s face loses all its emotions like a bathtub that had been filled to the brim before being unclogged. He sees himself years back, crying in a foreign bed that lacks warmth. He hears himself beg the deserted room for his mommy to come back and take him.

“What makes a home is its people. Maybe you once were that kind of person to me, but not anymore. Today, I’m right where I should be.” He sternly says before he glares at the entirety of the table. Some look ashamed. “You brought the one person you swore to protect me against. You used my trauma for your selfish needs. So much for your artists’ health and the organic food isn’t it?”

The CCO’s face hardens. “I did it because you left me no choice. Your actions will have great impacts on not only yours, but your fans’ and families’ lives. I hope you realize that.”   

Chan turns the camera. “The people that truly care for us will know right where to stand.”

The laptop slams shut.

——-

That night is one of the worst Changbin ever had to live through.

It was hard for everyone. Their brain buzzed as though a pack of bees was trapped inside their skull. It was a chao of interferences, of random thoughts coming left and right from all the linkers. A mess of intertwined wires. Their anxiety, worries and fears jumped on top of each other, until it all became a ball of negativity. They triggered each other’s darkest and ugliest monsters.

It was the very first time Changbin wished the SouLink never existed. Sat on a corner of the living room, covers wrapped around his body, he trembled as if a terrible fever had hit him. He didn’t want to think that way. He despised giving anyone that thought wrongly of the Agape bound right, of his link with his soulmates, but it was a reality he couldn’t hide his face from.

The main trigger had been Minho. It wasn’t his fault, if anyone, it’s their whole company, his mom, the whole world’s fault even. And yet, in a terribly unfair way that no one dared say but that they all thought of, Minho was responsible of their state. He hadn’t been able to calm himself. How could he? Their second oldest is their mentally strongest member, no one else in his situation would have done any better. As soon as the call had ended, his hands had started shaking, then his eyes became glassed over and the second after, he was already disconnecting from their reality.

No one had slept. They stayed together, not a word being said. Changbin wishes he could say that it did them some good, but that would be a lie. They only heard and felt each other’s thoughts and emotions louder, stronger with more clearness. He saw Minho’s mom sweetly smile at him as she said horrid words that stabbed his chest. He heard the door loudly close behind Hyunjin’s father when he left for yet another meeting, heard the deafening silence of the luxurious house. He felt Jeongin’s and Chan’s guilt burn his stomach. He thought Felix’s negative thoughts. He felt the impuissance Seungmin was blaming himself for. He felt the tears trapped inside Jisung’s throat. He saw, heard and felt it all as though they were his own. For long hours of the night, in the silence filled by their noisy slump, in between three and four am, he forgot that Minho’s mom was not his own, nor was Hyunjin’s father. He stopped caring about which emotions were his and which weren’t. It didn’t matter, he could feel and understand all of them. Why were his own feelings and thoughts so important anyway? He forgot.

That question that had fled through his brain like the lights of a passing car in the ceiling of a dark room made him violently startle. Is this one of the most dangerous side effects of soulmates that so many spoke of? The loss of one’s identity.

A shiver runs down Changbin’s spine.

He abruptly lifts his head and starts thinking really hard of a cheesecake. If none of them is stable enough to shut their SouLink, might as well use it for a good cause.

Jisung looks up. “Can you not? Don’t make me crave for Cheesecake when I can’t get my hands on any.”

“Wonder whose fault is that.” Changbin snorts. “I started liking them because that’s all you think about.” He turns to look at the others. “Can you imagine? All he thinks about during our writing sessions is Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake.”

Hyunjin snorts a laugh. The heaviness that had settled deep in their bones significantly evaporate in the air like water under the sun. “I didn’t know you liked cheesecakes that much.”

Jisung shrugs. “They’re a perfect combo with iced Americano. Besides, producing always makes me crave some sweets.”

“I’m going to start craving for eggplants and send them all to Hyunjin’s mind.” Changbin confidently affirms, crossing his arms on his chest. “I’ll make you start liking them so you can eat healthily.”

Hyunjin playfully gags. “I’m gonna file a report against you.” He threatens with his pointed finger. “Pretty sure there’s a law about soulmates forced empathy or brainwashing or whatever they call it.”

“That would make you a criminal.” Felix mumbles from where his head is laying on Seungmin’s lap. “Remember when you made me watch that drama and I started crying because youstarted crying?”

“That was just you being a cry baby.”

“Says you.”

“Never said I wasn’t.”

“Should we talk about the good things that changed ever since we developed the link?” Seungmin proposes, absently playing with Felix’s hair.

Jeongin raises his hand. “When Jisung hyung reads his Harry Potter books, I can see what he’s reading play in my head like a movie. It’s pretty cool.”

“I can sleep better and earlier than usual.” Chan whispers, not wanting to startle Minho that has his head on his shoulder. “Late at night when you’re all sleeping and all of you brains have started the sleep cycle, it somehow manages to trigger mine.”

“Hyunjin and I magically by some unknown biologically inexplicable process, completely lost our allergies to cats.” Changbin says, looking at Minho. All of their eyes turn to their dancer who’s absently staring into an invisible point in front of him. “I think it’s all thanks to Minho. He loves cats so much.”

Chan smiles fondly as he looks down at him, eyes filling with tears, lips pressed tightly. He gently removes some strand of the younger’s hair out of his eyes. “Love can do some magical and inexplicable things.”

“Can you not?” Seungmin’s face comically distort as though he had eaten a sour candy. “You sound like a white woman at the end of an awful American movie about family and friends and yadi yada.”

They all quietly laugh. Even Minho’s lips glitch into a shy attempt of a smile.

“Should we play a game?” Chan suggests, encouraged by his reaction. “The member on your left has to guess what you’re thinking about.”

Once they all nod, he starts first.

“A golden retriever!” He exclaims with a huge grin. “So adorable!”

Seungmin lightly taps Felix’s forehead. “My turn! Start thinking about something!”

There’s a moment of silence.

“A beach. The one in Australia that we went too last time.” Hyunjin says before Seungmin can try anything.

“Hey! That was my turn!”

Hyunjin shrugs. “It was too easy I could see it in 4K in my brain.” He points at Jeongin wrapped under his arm, already half asleep. “Innie on the other hand is thinking about wherever it’s worth it to fall asleep like this or to stand up and go to his bed. You know my answer.”

The youngest grunts. He lazily blinks his eyes. “I’m very comfy right now.”

“You won’t think the same when you’ll wake up with cramps.” Felix smiles, eyes closed. “That’s what’s Hyunjin’s about to say.”

Changbin nudges Jeongin’s foot with his own. “Guess what I’m thinking about.”

“You’re thinking about which picture looked nicer,”

“The one on the right side of your mind.” Jisung’s back is on the window. He’s sitting on the floor between Changbin and Minho. “We can’t see your face on the left one.”

Chan’s chest shakes as he laughs. “I think we lost count on who’s turn it is.”

“It’s Minho hyung’s turn.” Jisung says with a cheerful voice.

Worry settles around them.

“Hyung! What am I thinking about?” He stares at the older dancer, not departing from his hopeful grin.

Minho doesn’t show any sign that he might have heard him. His eyes keep staring into nothingness as he blinks slowly.

A headache builds behind Changbin’s skull when a strong thought suddenly makes it’s appearance. Jisung’s sending all of them a mental picture of Milan playing in the grass in the apartment’s garden. It feels like a decade since that happened when it was only a few hours ago.

Something steers in Minho’s eyes.

He lifts his head from Chan’s shoulder, and confusedly looks around him.

They all stare in anticipation as his brown irises finally find their way back to his lap where the kitten is fast asleep.

His hand reaches toward her, halts in hesitation before finally caressing her head. Milan purrs curled up in contentment. Such a small thing, looking so fulfilled within the warmth.

“Do you think her mother is out there looking for her?” Minho asks in a way that makes it seem like each word is costing him half his life energy.

“We spent hours looking for her mommy. If she had been looking for her, we would have found her.”

He glances at Chan. “Then, do you think she abandoned her?”

Everyone’s heart synchronously skips a beat.

“Maybe she passed away.”

Changbin turns to look at Seungmin.

He sees him in his head, kneeling on a bright green grass in front of a grave.  He hears him wonder if one of his twin sisters went to visit their mom. He knows their grandma won’t. She always blamed her daughter in law for her son’s death and never liked her in the first place.

Looking away, Changbin tries to think of something else, to block Seungmin’s thoughts away. He always feels guilty for invading his members’ minds although it’s not something he can help. Sometimes, he can block them out. Other times, the thoughts reach him because one of his SouLinker expresses the need to be heard or comforted, unconsciously or not. In that case, shutting the link happens to be harder. The Agape bond being very new doesn’t make it easier. It’s like suddenly having to master a software blind folded.

“I think Milan needed a home, and I know she’ll have one in us.” Chan kindly says. “Her past doesn’t define her present nor her future. Besides, time heals everything.”

“Bullshit.” Minho spits in a sudden burst of anger. “Time? It’s been more than a fucking decade and look at me! Do I look like I’m healed?”

His eyes look like they’ve been injected red. His skin is pale, and his fingers are still glitching by left over shock. Chan doesn’t say anything. No one does. They listen to him.

“Look at me Chan! Look at what she’s done to me. She ruined my past and she will keep doing so today and tomorrow too. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to forget her; all my efforts will shatter like fucking glass every single time she shows up. Do you know why?”

Changbin gulps. He looks away. A betraying tear falls down his jawline.

“Because I’m letting her. Because I don’t know how to make it stop in a way that doesn’t kill me.” 

They all suck in a breath of horror.

Minho’s sorrow tumble down a cliff like a giant rock gaining in size as it gets lower. It explodes in thousands of rocks when it reaches the bottom, stabbing his soulmates that had been standing around it, hoping to cushion the fall.

Chan hurriedly engulfs Minho in his arm, scared that he might transform into sand and slip from his hold. That a breeze of air will swipe him away. Never had he thought that someone else’s pain could hurt him in this way, could scare him this much.

“I’m so tired.” Minho whimpers, closing his eyes to let a burning tear fall. “I’m so tired of breaking and having to pick myself up.”

Chan tightens his arms around him. His hands start shaking. He’s terrified. “We’ve got you. We’ll do it together. You’ll be okay.”

Changbin takes a hesitant step forward. “Hyung, you’ve come such a long way from when I first met you all those years ago. You might not realize it, but you’ve grown and healed so much.”

Seungmin looks up at the ceiling, eyes drowning. “Healing is a long and tiring process that requires a lot of patience and you’ve been doing so well. We’re all so proud.”

Minho shakes in Chan’s arms. He doesn’t even find the strength to hug him back.

“You spoke really well with her Hyung.” Jisung reassures with a small voice. “We all were impressed by your strength.”

Minho weakly chuckles. “I’m glad it wasn’t obvious that I was falling apart from the inside.”

“You handled the situation so well.” Jeongin mutters, half hiding under Hyunjin’s arm who brings him closer.

“I would have started crying if I were you.”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “You already were crying Yongbok.”

“Lies.”

The tension in Minho’s shoulders visibly leaves. Slowly, then quickly as thought they were in a rush, his tears start falling. Even his crying is quiet, barely disrupted by hearable sobs. His arms lift to grip the back of Chan’s shirt while he hides his face in his leader’s shoulder.

His seven linkers sigh in relief. They would take Minho’s rage and tears any day to his lifeless gaze only betrayed by the heaving of his chest and the occasional flutter of his long eyelashes.

Minho’s cries get louder.

The chaos inside them quietens.

Their soulmate will be fine. Exteriorizing his pain is the first step toward that.

“I won’t let her come near you ever again. I won’t let her look or speak a word to you until you allow her too.” Chan’s voice breaks with repressed anger. A tone that bears a rage they heard on very rare occasions from their leader. It’s scary yet comforting. “I promise on the magic that links our souls.”

——-

Things eventually gets better before they get worse again.

They visit a lot of breathtaking cities in diverse countries across all Europe. One morning they are under Barcelona’s gorgeous sun, the next night they are being shined on by the Eiffel tower’s lights. They are so busy being happy that they could almost forget the real reason that brought them so far away from home. It’s not hard to pretend too, Chan had planed everything before hand, every public transport they needed to take, every place they could eat at, every hotel or apartments they could rant and every plane or train ticket they needed to cross boarders. He made sure that they wouldn’t need any visa to visit the majority of the European countries part of the Schengen pact. It allowed them to easily travel with train which was far less of a hustle than a plane.

It’s so easy to forget when they’re surrounded by so much beauty, when their bones aren’t crumbling under the pressure of a long and hard practice. When their eyes and wrists aren’t stinging and aching from staring at a bright screen and producing until the very early hours of the morning songs that probably will never make it past their files or notes. When their throats aren’t aching after uncountable hours of vocal practice. When they don’t have to think about all those people, they worked years with who turned their backs on them when they needed them the most. People they considered as family. When Chan doesn’t have to worry about his members being taken away by a familiar white van with the ISOB logo obscenely engraved on it.

The euphoria lasts for a solid two weeks after their call with their company. It’s been three weeks since they left home.

Changbin is surprised they managed to peacefully travel for that long.

It was expected, really, that the fans will start suspecting something. That one of them will eventually spot them and spread the word. That rumours will start going around about what truly happened.

It started rather slowly. Stay were excited. They thought their idols were preparing to go on tour or some other schedule of that kind. Chaos exploded across all social platforms when a nameless twitter account claimed that JYP’s famous one and only million sellers were on the run from their own company. In the spam of a few hours, their entire fandom knew about their SouLink. About the mistreatment the group had received from their own staff because of it. Proofs of texts exchanged between staff and a filmed confession of one of their stylists admitting to their poor treatment of the group were posted. ISOB nor Stray Kids’ video call with the company were brought to light, but the last tweet of the account left by saying that there seemed to be something more about the group’s departure.

JYPE released a statement the very next morning, adding oil to the already uncontrollable fire.

“There has been an issue of miscommunication between our Division 1 that is in charge of STRAY KIDS and the group itself. That misunderstanding resulted in the members traveling to Europe for personal reasons. Due to the large distance that separates us, it has become very difficult to reach them and therefore solve the issue at hand. JYP Entertainment encourages the STAY fandom to communicate to us any information that might help identify STRAY KIDS’ location under the following link. We are sorry for causing the fans such inconvenience and worry. In the future, we will choose with more care our staff and will work harder on surveying the artists under our care to assure their safety.”

Minho scoffs once Chan has finished reading. Back against a wall, legs spread on the grass, a tight road walked on by bicycles and passers-by separate them from Paris’ famous Seine.

“Rarely heard such a horrible piece of lie. Safety, they say. Misunderstanding. Sure.”

Hyunjin shrugs. “They can say what they want, STAY won’t sell us out. Hear this out.” He scrolls through his phone from where he’s sitting between Jisung and Changbin. “I was sceptic about the rumours that OP posted but after reading this trash of a statement, I’m sure something serious must have happened for the kids to leave so suddenly. I don’t believe the ‘Misunderstanding and Miscommunication’ one bit.”

Seungmin nods. “The majority is just confused and cursing JYP.”

Changbin glares at his screen, reading the infinite comments under numerous articles covering the news.

@felix_8felicis RUN KIDS DON’T LET THEM CATCH U

@hyunilover Hope they’re safe… Can’t help find this all suspicious. JYshit better not have done anything to them or I fucking swear-

@binnichangbin SINCE WHEN DID JYPEE RELEASE A STATEMENT THIS QUICK? RIGHT AFTER THE RUMOURS CAME OUT? Aren’t they just confirming them by doing this?

@ChanniChan wait- does that mean- that skz really developed a SouLink and got mistreated and bullied by their own staff because of it??????? Did they really run away?

 @cb97cb99 I’m so worried, please if you see them contact jyp asap. They must be so scared, in a foreign country unable to join their company or find a way back home.

            Reply @felix_8felicis are you STUPID or STUPID?

@HanJi THEY’RE GROWN ASS ADULTS IF THEY WANTED TO BE REACHED, THEY WOULD HAVE FOUND A WAY TO CONTACT YOU. LEAVE THEM ALONE.

@Linoleeknow About to send all my fancams to the link *heart emojis*

@Innifox8 FUCK YOU JYPSHIT. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THEM YOU ASSHOLES AND WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO? FORCE THEM TO FLEE THEIR OWN HOME AND FAMILIES BECAUSE YOU MADE THEM FEEL UNSAFE. You will burn in hell.

The comments went on and on, mixed reactions sending fans in a confused mess of different opinions and thoughts. Some believed JYPE and wanted to quickly locate them. Others knew that their favourite group departure wasn’t due to a ‘misunderstanding’. The majority just wanted them to be safe no matter what might have happened. The news about their SouLink was strongly commented on. Mostly under a negative light, which honestly was not a surprise. Fans and no-fans alike shared their respective experiences with soulmates, about how they got cheated on, lied and manipulated by those that loved them and who they loved so deeply. Love, even in its strongest and purest form, doesn’t stop people from hurting those they care about, intentionally or not. Wounds sting more when they have been inflicted by a loved one rather than an enemy or a stranger.  

A certain reply under a post claiming how worried they were for Stray Kids because of how toxic the SouLink is caught his attention.

@felix_8felicis I’m sorry you had to live through a traumatizing Agape bond but for the love of god STOP PROJECTING YOUR LIFE TO SKZ. Your two cents shitty ass Ex-Soulmate is NOT any of the members nor are you. Their SouLink can be an amazing journey or a bad one, but that’s on them to decide. Stop acting like having a soulmate is a fucking crime. There are more pressing matters at hand.

The comment made his heart tingle in warmness. He had split opinions about Soulmates himself, so he could understand why so many of their fans didn’t want them to be that to each other. And yet, it isn’t something any of them can help. It’s not like they can force themselves to stop caring for one another. He understands the rising worries, but the certitude some fans are showing about them deeply hurting each other in a near future is suffocating. It feels like being accused of a crime he never committed.

Above all what’s being said online, there’s one thing bothering him more than everything else.

“Do you think that what they’re saying is true?” Changbin timidly asks, his voice shaking in uncertainty. “That we’ve been bullied ?”

No one find the words to say anything.

Milan meows in Minho’s lap at the sudden heavy silence. They rarely ever leave each other’s side.

“I mean… they didn’t lay their hands on us. Didn’t threaten to hit us. I don’t- how does bullying look like outside a school ground?”

Chan sucks in a big inhale. “Should we say out loud the things they did to us that we didn’t like? Maybe it’ll clear our minds on the matter.”

They exchange a few uncertain nods.

“Well I’ll go first I guess.” Minho raises Milan in the middle of Paris star dazzling night sky. “I hated how the make up artists looked at us. With so much disdain.”  

“I hated that they had to wash their hands every time they touched us. I saw their face twist in disgust in the mirrors. As if we are contagious.”

“I mean your hair is greasy.”

Jisung barks in laughter when Hyunjin playfully attacks him, going straight to tickle his sides.

“Okey so google says and I quote.” Felix’s voice efficiently manages to quieten down the two older men. “Bullying is words, gestures, images or behaviors that hurt, humiliate, socially exclude a person or have the effect of losing self-esteem.  Bullying occurs even when there is no intention to harm someone.”

“They didn’t socially exclude us though, did they?” Jeongin asks unsurely.

“They swore at us behind our backs when they knew we were listening. One of the dancers muttered ‘disgusting jackass’ just when I was done thanking him.” Seungmin humourlessly chuckles. “That should count for something.”

Changbin sees Jisung lowers his gaze to the floor before he speaks, his whole previous uplifting demeanour crumbling down as the memories assaulted him. “Manager Lee once threatened me in his office. I thought I could fix whatever was going on between him and Jeongin. I was so stupid, should have gone to Chan immediately instead when I noticed something wasn’t right.”

Jeongin stares at him with wide surprised eyes. “I didn’t know.”

Jisung sadly smiles. “Didn’t want to add to your worries. I was the one that told Chan hyung.”

“I had already noticed something was not right back then even without Ji. Don’t be upset at him.”

The youngest shakes his head, looking away from his leader. “I should have come to you sooner. Whichever label people put on how they treated us, it was not right. They were in the wrong not us.”

Changbin closes his eyes. His head painlessly hits the cement behind him. His throat sours as though he had eaten a lemon. A blind tear falls down his right eye.

Milan meows.

Paris’ Seine crashes its arms against its cage, trying to reach them and hold them underneath its roaring current.

“How did we come to this?”

—

Changbin is waken up by loud laughers and the sound of splashing water.

The sunlight is kissing his eyes when he flutters his eyelids open, assaulting his vision momentarily.

It takes him a moment to remember where he is. The covers on him are cloud like, the bed under him is similar to loving arms wrapping around him in a warm hug. The room has white walls, a single bed to his right with unmade sheets, and a translucent curtain floating with the wind of the open window to his left.

He slowly sits up, mind hurrying to catch up, lingering sleep trailing behind it.

His chest is light. Calm like the shimmering hues of the early morning sea. Like whispered waves and ruffled hair by salted breeze. Cuddled within the eeriness enchanted by vacations away from home.

Changbin is reluctant to leave his bed.

‘There are pancakes waiting for you.’

He smiles at Chan’s voice. He must have felt him waking up.

‘There better still be Nutella.’

Chan only chuckles in response.

The hall outside the room he shares with Jisung is tight, doors on either side of it. Opposite the stairs, is a window casting an orange patterned sunlight on the wooden floor and pristine white walls.

At the end of the stairs, a large room opens to its left side, kissed by a wall on the right. The balcony of the open living room faces him first. He sees Hyunjin and Jisung jump in the pool in a loud splash. Felix is filming them within the water, cheering loudly. Jeongin and Seungmin are laying in long chairs, sunglasses on their nose and discussing about something that make large smiles appear on their lips. Minho is on an unicorn pool float, Milan sleeping on his chest.

He finds Chan on a stool in the kitchen linked to the living room, staring outside with one of his looks that he bears when he looks at them.

“Can you stop doing that?” Changbin huffs, sitting down in front of him, a plate of pancake, Nutella and a glass of orange juice facing him. A long plate and several boxes of fruits are placed besides Chan. He turns in his sit, taking back his knife to methodically cut and place each one beside the other.

He blinks. “Do what?”

“Look at us like that.”

“Like what?”

Changbin scoffs. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” He stares down at his food, unable to meet his eyes.

“Because I’m always reminded of how lucky I am to have you all.” Chan tilts his head. “You’re blushing.”

“Shut up.”

His laugh echoes against Changbin’s ribcage. It inflates his heart like a birthday party’s helium balloon that escapes with the wind and travel to unknown places in the sky.

There’s a moment of peaceful silence.

Chan’s smile is now sorrowful when he looks out the balcony.

“I feel sorry toward you guys.”

Changbin’s eyes widen. He abruptly reaches to grab Chan’s hand, startling his leader.

“Don’t you dare Hyung.” His voice breaks. “Don’t you darelet their words get to you.”

Chan’s eyes tremble.

“We are here because we took that decision weeks ago. Staying was our choice and still is, because we knew it was the right thing to do. You did not influence us in any way or form. All you did was keep us safe, something that should have been the company’s job in the first place and not yours to be burdened with.”

Changbin’s stern tone flares with anger.

He hates all those people that did this to Chan. That made him question and doubt his friendship with his members. Hundreds up to thousands of comments online had turned the target around from JYPE to Stray Kid’s leader himself. They said Chan had brainwashed his group, that he had used forced empathy to make them agree to whatever he decided. They fabricated piece by piece a leader that mentally manipulated his members and borderline kidnapped them. It wasn’t hard to believe such lies when the SouLink was already strongly looked down upon.

It made it hard to stay out there in the open like they used to the past weeks. Fans recognized them in the street and spread their pictures and locations online. They reached a point where they couldn’t even leave their hotel rooms without fearing being recognized.

They took the train the following week to Germany where they ranted the beautiful house, they’re staying in.

The tension calmed; laughers flared up in everyone’s chest again.

Still, Chan has a hard time rubbing the guilt and doubts off.

He looks away from Changbin’s eyes, blinking the tears.

He clears his throat.

“Do you miss home?”

Changbin finds back his place in his sit. He throws a pancake in his mouth, shrugging.

“That’s when I should be saying yes.” He says when he’s done swallowing. “But I’m not really.”

Chan doesn’t respond. He listens.

The younger rapper sighs. “Everything I ever did, every decision I ever took was for my mother and brother.” He starts counting on his fingers. “I dropped out to take care of them. I started working out so I could protect them. I went back to school for them. I started my career not because of some noble dream but because I wished to become famous, gain lots of money and get them out of that rat hole. I let my father beat me up so he could get his anger out on me and not them.”

Chan’s heart drops.

Changbin’s keeps rhythmically beating in his chest. It desensitized to what used to be his reality for so many years.

The sounds outside quietens.

“Me being here is the first decision in my entire life that I took for me and no one else.” He shakes his head. “Don’t let them take that away from me Hyung. Don’t do that to me. By believing them, you are letting them discredit what I finally managed to achieve after 22 years of life. Don’t do that to me.”

It’s Chan’s turn to reaches out and hold his hand. His eyes are red.

“I won’t. I promise.”

Minho tumbles in the room, phone in hand. He turns around to stop the other boys from entering the house behind him. “Don’t even think of coming in the house before you’re completely dry.”

“But Hyung-”

“Go sun bath some more.” He says, cutting Jisung short. “We’re going to have an adult conversation over here.”

The five youngest rolls their eyes before walking out into the garden.

 Minho puts his phone down between Chan and Changbin. 

“Look at this.” 

On the screen is an email that reads; 

Hello,  

I am the photographer that took a picture of you and your cat in Italy, Milan.  

Like you allowed me too, I posted the picture in some of my socials. I will link them bellow.  

I allowed myself to leave a comment when I posted the picture in Twitter. The things that have been said about Stray Kids have upset me a lot and although it is not my place, I felt the need to leave a small analysis of what I saw in you that made me take the picture. I hope it will lessen the invasive opinions and comments that are being said about all of you.  

I’m sorry for not letting you know that I’m a Stay. I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.  

If you wish for me to delete my posts, please let me know I will do so immediately.  

In the hope that you stay healthy and safe,  

Stay will Stay by your side.  

Minho clicks on one of the links that directs them to a twitter’s post. 

The picture is the same one of all that time ago. Minho is crunching on the ground, his fingers gently touching the small white kitten’s head. The frozen memory is darkened by the night sky. Minho’s smile is at the center of the focus, wide and genuine. It’s one of those smile the dancer uses rarely. Not the side smirk, not the teasing one, not the shy grin or the ‘pretending not to be laughing’.  It’s his huge unfiltered smile, upper teeth on full display, eyes twinkling. 

“I see something unique in every picture I take, whichever it is of a human, of animals, plants or objects. Before I recognized that this man lowering himself in front of a kitten who no one heard its call for help was the idol that have brought me joy for the past years, I saw something quite unseen in his smile.  

It’s a feeling that doesn’t have words to describe it with. I’ve seen countless of facial expressions on the thousands of pictures of strangers that I took (and to who I all got permission from.) I’ve seen anger, pain, loneliness, numbness, love, fear, happiness and so much more. The joy I saw in Minho’s smile, in that strangers ’ eyes when he looked at that Kitten that stared back at him with a mix of fear and amazement, was not something strong and powerful. It was carefree. Light in a way that could make you feel like you’re flying in a cloud of cotton candy. Pure in the way only children possess the ability to look at things with. And I suddenly got reminded of that quote that I read in that book in english class so many years ago ; “Stay gold Ponyboy.”  

Minho had on that day a golden smile that forever appreciated the simple things of life as though he were casting his eyes on them for the first time. A child’s wonder and amazement of beauty that adults often lose with time.  

The eight members that I saw and talked with were full of life and bursting with happiness. Their steps and their smiles were weightless in a way that I hadn’t seen in their content in a very long time.  

I do not pretend knowing anything that is happening right now. I only am asking of Stays to believe in Stray Kids. To trust their decision. Don’t stand in their way. Stay by their side like we’ve always promised ourselves too.

Ps : stop spreading their locations you’re risking their safety that they’re currently fighting for you dumb frogged skeletons.”  

“Wow.” Jisung breathes out. “Was that a poem? Cuz it felt like one.” 

Minho raises his head to blink at Jisung, Hyunjin, Seungmin, Felix and Jeongin. “When did you get here?” 

“When you were busy opening the twitter post.” Chan says with a smile. 

“We are completely dry.” Felix innocently promises Minho’s glaring eyes. 

“Says the pool of water under your feet” 

Hyunjin gasps, glaring at Seungmin. “You were supposed to be in our side.” 

Jeongin scoffs, sounding offended. “You three are the wet ones, not us two. There’s a clear separation between you and us.” 

“You’re cleaning this behind you, I don’t care.” Minho orders before turning to Chan. “What do I respond to the email?” 

Chan shrugs. “It’s your picture Lee know. If you want to leave it or ask for it to be deleted, It’s completely up to you.” 

There’s a moment of silence before he lifts his eyes toward them. 

“I’m gonna keep it. I think it will bring back some senses to a lot of people.” 

Changbin smirks. 

“Should we make an Instagram post? Send Stay a hint that we’re fine and left for a reason.” 

They exchange a few looks. 

“What are you thinking of?” 

He takes Minho’s phone as a simple response to Seungmin’s question. He carefully chooses a couple of pictures and types in a caption before showing it to his soulmates. 

“What do you think?” 

“I think it’s genius!” Jisung jumps in excitement. 

“Post it! Post it! Post it!” Hyunjin chants. 

“We’re gonna be in so much trouble.” 

Minho rolls his eyes, hitting Chan’s head. “If you haven’t noticed, we already are.” 

“YOLO, or so they say.” Felix chants. 

“I feel like we’re in a novel. Going against the rules is exciting. We should do this more often.” Hyunjin exclaims, sounding dangerously serious. 

“I can already see this being our next album name with Milan in the cover.” Jeongin shouts.

Seungmin rolls his eyes. “You all talk too much and don’t act enough.” 

He reaches forward and hits send. 

Only an hour passes before Chan receives an email notification from Park Jin-young himself. 

They’re gathered by the pool, siting on the sun-bathed floor that comfortably burns under their skin. 

In bold letters, the screen reads. 

ATTACHED 8 CONTRACTS.  

“This is either the contracts we asked for, or the termination contracts.”

Chan carefully meeting eyes with all his soulmates. He smiles.  

“Whichever it is, I want you to remember that what makes Stray Kids is Stray Kids and no one else.” 

Milan happily meows in agreement. 

Changbin thinks back of their latest Instagram post that made four million likes in under thirteen minutes. The hashtag trended worldwide in twitter in less than fifteen minutes after their post. He’s reminded of the pictures he chooses. Milan perched on Minho’s head as he cooks. Chan and his dimples, arms spread wide, back to the beach and face to the camera, blond hair kissing his face and dancing with the wind. Hyunjin painting Milan that tries very hard to stay still. Jisung in front of an aquarium, wide eyes staring at jellyfishes. Felix on Chan’s back, arm in the air, face distorted by joy and mouth open in a silent scream. Seungmin laying on the house’s roof, a book on his face, hands behind his head. Jeongin sitting on top of the kitchen’s counter, legs crossed, a huge grin eating at his lips as he decorates a homemade cake. Finally, a picture of himself running toward the Eiffel Tower. 

They look happy. They are happy. Changbin smiles back. Is this how Chan feels every time he looks at them? It’s a feeling of fulfillment. Of finding your place in the world. The certitude that this is where he is supposed to be. With them. Few other things matter.

The eight pictures are captioned with a few words. 

“Why do kids stray? So that they won’t have to stay.

#WhyDoKidsStray”

Not being home never felt more freeing.