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All for One’s minions had been celebrating ever since their master had found a quirk to heal his face and restore his full power. Now they would be unstoppable!
The party had gone on for hours and almost everyone was completely plastered. All for One had slipped away at some point during the celebration, to no one’s surprise. The boss never got drunk. Besides, he probably had important work plotting the conquest of Japan.
Yoshimune Nakanishi leaned against a table, his face flushed and the drink in his hand sloshing. “We must make a good impression on the master in the coming fight. We could become future nobility in the new order of Japan.” Although he was merely a low-skilled burglar, a necrophiliac, and a coward to the core, alcohol had rendered him bold.
“You’re drunk and dreaming.” Eitoku Nakanishi, his partner-in-crime and older sister, sneered. “Neither of us has a quirk worth a damn in a fight.” Eitoku was very slightly more sensible than her brother but even more of a coward. Hence why she dropped poison gas bombs in every house she burglarized, killing everyone inside just to eliminate any chance of resistance. (This also produced fresh corpses to satisfy her brother’s twisted taste in ice-cold women.)
Yoshimune’s drink slipped from his hand. Not noticing, he took a sip of empty air. “But this is our big chance to persuade the master to give us better quirks!” Yoshimune could detect valuable objects and Eitoku could track people, but both of their quirks only had a range the size of a building, making them not very useful.
Eitoku snorted. “It’s not a big chance, because you have no plan.”
“I do!” Yoshimune insisted. His brow furrowed with the effort of thinking up a plan on the fly. “The master…he just announced something about wanting Izuku Midoriya’s quirk…that’s why we’re not allowed to kill the brat, right? What if we beat him mostly to death, then bring him to All for One?”
“You’re insane!” Eitoku yelped. “That little monster beat up Muscular. In a fist fight. After his battle with Overhaul they were picking pieces of the toucan mask out of the yakuza’s teeth. I’m not going anywhere near him.”
“Then we’ll be clever about it.” Yoshimune stared at his hand, trying to figure out why it didn’t have a drink in it. He looked down at the beer staining his shoes. He shook his head. “What if we kidnap the hero spawnling’s family?”
Eitoku scowled. “They probably have powerful quirks, like him.”
“Nah. I saw his file. His mom can pull small objects to her and his dad breathes fire.”
Eitoku stood up straighter, her eyes brightening. “We could take on those loser powers with a gun!”
“Exactly!” Yoshimune beamed. “The master is going to be so proud of us. Let’s hurry before someone steals our big idea.”
Universe One:
As per their usual practice, Eitoku and Yoshimune first tossed a gas bomb through the window of the Midoriya family residence. (This time using sleeping gas instead of poison.) Wearing gas masks, they picked the lock on the door and strode in.
All for One, the criminal overlord of Japan, stood in the hallway with an annoyed expression on his face. One of his many quirks blew the gas away from him.
“Master!” Yoshimune squeaked. “I see you had the same brilliant idea as me, to take Izuku Midoriya’s family hostage. Great minds think alike!”
Eitoku elbowed her brother. “Though of course your mind is far greater than my little brother’s, ha-ha.”
All for One snorted. “Oh, is that what you intended? How amusing.” His tone was anything but.
With a flick of All for One’s fingers, Eitoku and Yoshimune were rapidly ripped to shreds.
Izuku pushed open the door. “Hey, who forgot to lock the door? Dad?”
All for One attempted to smile. “My dear son! I’m back from America with explanations for my long absence. Would you believe these bloodstains were already here when I arrived?”
Izuku, who had just seen his father using multiple quirks to make the corpses disappear, shrieked, “You’re All for One!”
All for One glared at the bloody chunks at his feet. “I killed them too quickly.”
Universe Two:
“Are you detecting anything with your finding quirk?” Yoshimune asked.
Eitoku frowned. “It’s very odd. I don’t have a read on Inko Midoriya, she’s too far away, but Hisashi Midoriya is very close by.”
“What an improbable coincidence,” Yoshimune said. “Do you think someone else had the same idea as us and kidnapped him? They could have already dragged him back here. So much for my big idea.”
Eitoku said, “We can still salvage this. If we find the kidnappers fast enough, then we can kill them and claim credit.”
“What a brilliant idea!” Yoshimune straightened. “What are you waiting for?”
The two minions ran as fast as they could while drunk. They barely paid attention to what part of the building they’d ended up in.
Eitoku picked the lock on a door and pushed it open to reveal a laboratory full of Nomu in tanks.
All for One straightened from where he’d been checking the readings on a glass cylinder with an annoyed expression.
Eitoku screeched to a halt. “M-master! I’m so sorry to disturb you!”
“Just look at all those beauties.” Yoshimune stared at the corpses in the tanks with disturbingly lustful eyes. “You must be so proud of your work, master.”
All for One said, “Sometimes I come here when I want intelligent company.”
The implied insult went completely over Yoshimune’s head. “I agree! I’ve always thought that dead bodies are more intelligent than people give them credit for. Everyone keeps telling me that corpses can’t consent, but I say if they didn’t want me then they’d push me off.”
In a deceptively calm voice, All for One asked, “Did you invade a restricted lab just to molest my experiments?”
Under the force of that terrifying sightless gaze, Eitoku babbled out the truth. “I was tracking down Hisashi Midoriya!”
“Oh?” All for One raised an eyebrow.
Yoshimune said, “You must have kidnapped him first! See, I knew you’d appreciate the brilliance of my plan. Now that you have Hisashi Midoriya as your hostage, Izuku Midoriya will turn over his quirk.”
“That’s certainly…a theory,” All for One said. It was difficult to tell if he was amused or angered. He was most definitely sardonic.
Eitoku recognized something dangerous in the air and hissed at her brother, “Shhhhhh!”
But Yoshimune was too drunk to stop himself. “I volunteer to deliver the threat! Would you like to cut off one of Hisashi’s fingers and send it to his son? Or perhaps a whole hand? I was planning on ripping off a few of Izuku Midoriya’s limbs off before handing him over to you. He’d be much less dangerous that way, and he can still give you his quirk if he’s mostly dead. I thought you’d appreciated the show of initiative.”
The temperature of the room dropped. Slowly, All for One said, “Initiative. The last time I had minions who showed such great initiative, they killed my little brother.”
“Was that good or bad?” asked Eitoku, who only kept her own brother alive because she intended to one day blame all her murders on him so she could retire from villainy.
Speaking over her, All for One continued, “I’ve preferred using Nomu ever since.”
Within minutes, two new corpses joined the others in the tanks.
Universe Three:
After months of fruitless searching, Eitoku and Yoshimune requested a meeting with the master, which took another month to arrange. They stood before All for One’s desk, explaining their plan.
Yoshimune finished, “We can’t find Hisashi Midoriya anywhere. There’s no record of him ever entering America, so we assumed he must still be in Japan, but if so, he hasn’t used his identification in decades.”
Eitoku grabbed her brother’s head and shoved it down. “Is that any way to ask for a favor?” she hissed. In a louder voice, she said, “We’d be so grateful if you could help us, master.”
All for One regarded the siblings through his new mask. “You want me to help you find Hisashi Midoriya so you can kidnap him.” Then he chuckled.
Unable to tell if that was a good sign or a bad one, Eitoku kept her head lowered. “If it’s not too much trouble.”
Brightly, All for One asked, “Have you checked Antarctica?”
Three months later, Eitoku and Yoshimune stood in All for One’s office again.
Eitoku reported, “We searched Antarctica, Pitcairn Island, the Gobi Desert, Iceland, Mount Everest, North Sentinel Island, and the volcanos of Chile. No sign of Hisashi Midoriya. We’re so sorry for failing you, master.”
Rubbing his ass, Yoshimune complained, “I still haven’t been able to dig out the tip of that spear the natives threw at us.”
“What a shame.” All for One laughed. Before this personal attention that the siblings had been blessed with, they’d never known the master was such a jovial fellow, often breaking out into inexplicable chuckles. “I have another informant who suggested you try Easter Island.”
Eitoku said, “Actually, we got sick of traipsing through the wilderness, so we hired a private detective to find Hisashi Midoriya.”
Yoshimune said, “We ran into him coincidentally on the street. He seemed like a very competent fellow. As soon as we told him we worked for the great All for One, he instantly accepted the job. He was wearing a trench coat, so I assume that makes him a regular Sherlock Holmes.”
Eitoku said, “Detective Tsukauchi agreed to meet us at your office in a few minutes.”
All for One growled, “Detective Tsukauchi? He’s a police detective! He works closely with All Might! And you told him where to find me?”
Yoshimune blinked. “I thought everyone who wore a trench coat was a private detective.”
A crashing sound came from downstairs. Distantly, All Might bellowed, “I am here!”
All for One stared wearily at the two cowering siblings. “Really, this is all my own fault. I screwed around with you too much just because I wanted to see how long it would take you to notice. I accept full responsibility. But I’m going to murder you both anyway, because it will make me feel better.”
Universe Four:
All for One stood with his hands folded behind his back. “I’ve hand-picked you two for this highly prestigious and well-compensated assignment. Dr. Ujiko recommended you personally.” Although his face had been recently healed, he still wore a skull-like mask, minus the no-longer-needed life support tubes.
“Whoa!” Yoshimune gasped. “This is such a great honor, master.”
Something about this wasn’t quite adding up right to Eitoku. She would have sworn that they’d messed up their last assignment for Dr. Ujiko. They’d brought him the wrong equipment and causing a Nomu tank to blow up in his face. However, her massive ego allowed her to rationalize that she must have been doing an even better job than she’d realized.
All for One continued, “I sent Izuku Midoriya proof that I’ve kidnapped his father and instructions to come to this abandoned warehouse, alone. After he arrives, you two will hold him off while I fetch Hisashi Midoriya.” All for One gestured at a locked door.
Neither of the siblings heard any sound coming from the other room, so they could only assume that Hisashi must be too badly injured to cry out. As expected of the boss.
Eitoku shifted from foot to foot. Her fear of the crazy kid who’d wrecked most of the League of Villains balanced against her greed for the promised reward. “We only have to hold him off for a few seconds, right?”
“I wouldn’t expect anything more from you,” All for One assured her.
“That should be fine,” Eitoku said. She planned to use her brother as a shield until All for One showed up to crush the brat.
The villains stood in the warehouse and waited. And waited.
All for One checked his watch. Then he checked his phone. “It says my message has been read, but there’s no reply,” he muttered.
Yoshimune said, “Maybe he was too scared to face you, master.”
Eitoku doubted that given the level of feralness the mini-hero had demonstrated at the Sports Festival. “Maybe Hisashi Midoriya isn’t his real father. I’ve been reading ColdSobaLover12’s conspiracy theory tumblr, and he makes a very convincing case for Izuku Midoriya being All Might’s lovechild. You should see the pictures he posts of the kid doing All Might imitations—the resemblance is uncanny.”
Yoshimune clapped his hands. “That’s right! Just kidnap his real dad and I’m sure your brilliant plan will work next time.” His voice trailed off as he became aware of the murderousness exuding off All for One. He gasped and clutched at his throat, unable to breathe.
The warehouse exploded into chunks and so did the two minions.
Universe Five:
Yoshimune staggered through doorway moaning in pain and clutching his crotch.
Eitoku shoved past him. “Out of my way, I need some ice for this damn bruise on my head.” She ran for the kitchen.
Hobbling after her, Yoshimune cried, “Let me go first! I’m bleeding!”
“Shut up.” Eitoku grabbed an ice pack. “It was your dumb idea to go after Inko Midoriya. It will be easy, you said. She has a weak quirk, you said.”
“How was I supposed to know that my balls counted as small objects?” Yoshimune groaned and snatched another ice pack to hold to his crotch.
“She could have killed us if she’d known how to use my gun after taking it from me,” Eitoku said mournfully. “Who knew someone so small could be so vicious?” She collapsed onto the sofa. “I guess now we know where her son gets it from.”
“I will have my revenge!” Yoshimune clenched a fist. Then he winced and grabbed the slipping ice pack.
“Shut up. I’m not going near that crazy green-haired bitch.” Eitoku cracked one eye open. “Who cares if you lost your ability to reproduce? With your proclivities, it’s not like you were ever going to use it.”
Yoshimune was also far too terrified to face Inko again. He frowned. “What if we target Hisashi Midoriya next time? He’s just an ordinary businessman. He must be an easy mark.”
Tilting her head, Eitoku considered. “I suppose he couldn’t possibly be more dangerous than Inko Midoriya.”
A week later, Eitoku put her feet up on her desk. “I give up. Inko Midoriya is too scary, and Hisashi Midoriya is nowhere to be found. Face it, brother. Your brilliant plan failed.”
Yoshimune scowled. “I don’t understand it! There’s no trace of Hisashi’s existence. The company he’s supposed to work for in America doesn’t even exist. The annual deposits in the Midoriya bank account come from a shell corporation. He hasn’t so much as sent a message to his family in years. The man is some kind of ghost!”
“I’m tired of chasing ghosts,” Eitoku said. “Let’s go murder some people, then fence their stuff. I’ll even pretend not to notice while you commit unspeakable acts on the corpses afterward.”
“No. I won’t give up, not after all our hard work.” Yoshimune paced the office, wincing a little with each step due to his injuries. “Hey, if Hisashi doesn’t exist, then who can prove that we haven’t kidnapped him? What if we contact the Midoriya brat and pretend to have his dad?”
Eitoku shrugged. “Worth a try.”
When All for One himself appeared on the siblings’ doorstep, they fell all over themselves welcoming him in.
“Such an honor,” Eitoku simpered. “Would you like a drink? A seat? A shoulder massage?”
“Touch me and die,” All for One said succinctly. “I’m only here to satisfy my curiosity as to why the police believe that you two kidnapped Hisashi Midoriya.”
The siblings would never dare lie to the great All for One. Yoshimune immediately said, “We lied to Izuku Midoriya that we had his father hostage so that he would turn himself over to us. But he didn’t care.”
All for One began, “Let me explain what I think about minions with initiative—” he stopped. “He didn’t care?”
“Not in the slightest,” Eitoku said. “He filed that police report, then washed his hands of the matter.”
Yoshimune said, “We threatened to torture his father to death, and he basically laughed in our faces.”
All for One said, “Clearly he was bluffing.”
“I thought so at first, but his contempt was obvious.” Eitoku sighed. “A direct quote from Izuku Midoriya is: ‘You should have kidnapped some random person off the street, I would have cared then.’ Fire-breathing Hisashi is going to need some ice for that burn.”
Speaking a little above a whisper, All for One asked, “Did he explain why he felt that way?”
Yoshimune shrugged. “Apparently his father is a massive deadbeat.”
“That’s not true,” All for One said. “Hisashi Midoriya has been regularly sending money to his family.”
Eitoku said, “The guy abandoned his family and went completely off the grid. I doubt he cares about his son in the slightest. Though who can blame him? If I gave birth to some ugly All Might knock-off spawnling as a one-night-stand souvenir, then I’d run away to America to hide my shame, too.”
Yoshimune laughed. “Bet Hisashi would have stuck around if he’d known his kid would be on the fast track to becoming a famous hero! Instead, he bailed too early to exploit his little crotch spawn for advertising deals. What a chump.”
“He’s too late now—his brat hates him,” Eitoku said. “Izuku Midoriya listed off numerous superior parental figures in his life, including All Might. Then he said we could have gotten a better hostage by breaking into a pet store and kidnapping a puppy instead, because puppies are cute.”
In an almost embarrassed voice, All for One said, “Let’s just skip straight to the part where I murder you both.”
OMAKE TIME!
Omake: Universe One, Izuku Arrives Five Minutes Later
All for One: Son, I’m home!
Izuku: (Punches him in the face.)
All for One: How did you know that I’m secretly All for One?
Izuku: You’re All for One?
#
Omake: Universe Two, the Alternative Version
Yoshimune: Hello, master! Have you seen Hisashi Midoriya around here?
All for One: Sure. He went that way. (He points in two contradictory directions.)
Yoshimune and Eitoku: Thank you master! (They both run off in opposite directions.)
All for One: Honestly, the average minion isn’t much smarter than a Nomu. That gives me a good idea about what I should do to those two…
#In other words, it ultimately ends the same way as the original Universe Two #No matter what the two minions always end up seeing the pearly gates of Heaven #The only reason they see Heaven is because they’re so dumb God decided to take pity on them
#
Omake: Universe Three, the More Likely Ending
All for One: Detective Tsukauchi? Never heard of him. Holy shit, All Might and the entirety of the top ten heroes are trashing my hideout!
Later:
All for One: I want to know how All Might found me.
Yoshimune: I want to know why Detective Tsukauchi never showed up for our meeting. He seemed so interested in the case when he was asking me all those questions. He wrote down the directions to our evil lair very carefully. It’s not as if I paid him in advance.
All for One: I don’t know why, but I have a strong feeling I should murder you two.
#I have some doubts if All for One would remember Detective Tsukauchi’s name #He seems too egotistical #Not knowing the reason won’t stop him from murdering the two minions yet again
#
Omake: Universe Four, Before the Incipient Disaster
All for One: To celebrate the return of my face, it’s time for some father-son bonding! If I fake my own kidnapping, then I’ll get to see Izuku act protective and affectionate toward me. What a wonderful idea. I’ll arrange to be guarded by my two most useless minions so it will be super-easy to rescue me. I can’t wait for my cute little ducky to shower me with love and hugs.
Meanwhile:
Aizawa: I heard your father has been kidnapped. How are you feeling? Is there anything I can do? Such as sit on top of you so you don’t rush off to get yourself killed?
Izuku: I’m fine. I filed a police report, and I’m confident the authorities will handle the matter with all due urgency. I’d never break school rules by taking action on my own.
Aizawa: Ahhhhh! It’s Himiko Toga! What have you done with the real Izuku Midoriya?
Izuku: (Sighs) Look, would it help if I told you that my dad hasn’t show his face to me since I was a toddler? I have to go, Mom and I are going out to dinner to celebrate.
#
Omake: Universe Five, All for One’s Minions Continue to Roast Him to His Face
Eitoku: And then Izuku Midoriya said, “Seriously, if the puppy was too big to carry then you could have stolen a hamster in a ball. I would have cared way more about a rodent than my deadbeat dad.”
All for One: I get the picture, you can stop talking now.
Eitoku: He said, “Go threaten an ant, at least I wouldn’t take active pleasure in seeing an ant get stepped on.” Uh, master? Are you crying?
