Work Text:
Sometime in Spring, 20XX
Dear Diary,
Izuku has been living with us for over 2 months now and has quickly become my favourite child (I know, we’re not supposed to have favourites. I’m only joking! Haha). He’s a very sweet boy despite his… quirks. Pun very much intended. LMAO as the youths say these days.
One of the main problems I have encountered with the boy are his suicidal tendencies, as I’m sure you know (I have spoken about them in length). Take this morning for example. Izuku snuck into Tomura’s room while he was sleeping. He placed two boxes on the floor next to the bed and then stepped inside them (one foot in each box in case it wasn’t obvious). Quietly, he reached for Tomura’s hand, placing all five fingers on his chest.
To say he screamed bloody murder would be inaccurate. Ashy suicide was more like it (I do crack myself up!). Either way, that immediately woke up Tomura who jumped out of bed cursing up enough of a storm that would make a sailor blush. It was at this point that I had warped into the room to see what all the commotion was about.
Izuku’s ash winded up separated in the two boxes but, after 20 seconds, clumped together, climbing out of the box and merging back into the problem child we all know and love. He screamed throughout the entirety of the process, coughed up some blood and them dusted off his arms. It’s also worth noting that he was stark naked at this point and didn’t seem to give a shit (if you’ll pardon my language).
“Alright,” He said finally, “Let’s try that again, but this time can you move one of the boxes into the other room?”
This was the point I chose to leave the room before either of the two noticed me. Tomura screaming and throwing whatever was in reach at Izuku, and Izuku doing his best to dodge and keep his boxes intact.
It is evening now and Tomura still hasn’t stopped trying to murder him. I pray that Master does not hear about this as I am still working off the last lecture.
Sincerely
Giri
Sometime in Spring, 20XX
Dear Diary,
There was once a time when I would have jumped around crying out ‘Thank God it’s Friday!’. Unfortunately, this has not happened since I was in high school. My current employer does not believe in days off, or weekends, or holidays, or breaks, or pay…
Anyway, my point is Friday’s have simply become another day in my never-ending work cycle and therefore are not something to be celebrated. It is also my birthday but oh well! You know, some employers give their employees cake on their birthday. God, I miss cake…
Haven’t eaten much of anything since the incident. Come to think of it, when was the last time I ate? Is that concerning? It’s been how many years now? That does sound concerning. Maybe I should Google it later…
Actually, I think I’ll Google it now.
Sincerely
Giri
Sometime in Spring, 20XX
Dear Diary,
I have decided to introduce Izuku to the Nomu.
Now, you may be wondering why in God’s name did I think this was going to be a good idea. You may even be questioning whether I am competent enough to be working with children.
These are good questions.
Anyway, Izuku hadn’t committed suicide in a while and while this is generally a good thing, I began to worry that he was simply building up to something very creative and potentially messy.
Since Tomura had become busier planning for the attack on UA and therefore hadn’t spent as much time with Izuku, I decided what Izuku needed right now was someone he could play with. A friend if you will.
I introduced the two today and Izuku was at first very excited until he realised that the Nomu was essentially braindead. I had thought that the plan was a bust until Izuku reached out for the Nomu’s hand and shook it, saying ‘shake’ as he did so. He then repeated until the Nomu shook his hand back and praised him thoroughly for doing so.
I left them for a few hours to attend to my own work and when I returned, Izuku had managed to teach him how to shake, sit, lie down, roll over and was currently working on speak. He had also renamed the Nomu Gerald and had taught it to respond to that name.
Suffice to say, Tomura was not pleased at the choice of name.
Sincerely
Giri
Sometime in Spring, 20XX
Dear Diary,
Izuku is now teaching Gerald how to play slaps. I had not heard of this game before, but the rules appear fairly simple. Two people hold their hands together opposite each other and take in turns slapping each other’s hands. If you successfully dodge someone’s slap, it’s your go. If you flinch three times in a row, they get to slap you in the face.
The game itself was fairly barbaric, but who am I to talk. In my day, we had a game called blood penny which caused far more injuries than slaps ever could. Except when you’re playing it with a Nomu.
Izuku yelped when the Nomu slapped his hand and broke his wrist. He scolded it not to hit so hard and Gerald whimpered like a sad little puppy. Izuku then felt bad and encouraged him to try again. He immediately regret this decision and did his best to try and dodge.
Unfortunately, doing so lead to his own doom as he flinched three times in concession and… well… let’s just say that a thousand eggs couldn’t have cracked as loudly.
Sincerely
Giri
Giri’s log, star date: Sometime in Spring, 20XX
Subject: USJ Incident
To be added in diary at later date
As I stood at the entrance, separating the children to various areas of the building, I became distracted at the sight of Gerald standing next to Tomura eagerly holding its hands in front of him.
Tomura did his best to ignore the whine that came from it, watching the chaos unfold and trying to look intimidating. After a few minutes, the whining became unbearable, and he snapped.
“Dammit Gerald! We’ll play slaps later!” I heard him shriek and struggled to hold in my laughter in case he heard me. I went back to my job and managed to destroy Thirteen’s costume, half my attention on the kids in front of me, half of it in Tomura (who was now fighting with my old bestie Shouta).
God, I haven’t seen him in years. Maybe I should call him at some point. See if he wants to hang. On second thoughts, maybe not the best idea. I hardly get any free time as it is.
It isn’t long into the fight when Tomura releases Gerald on Shouta.
The field goes still.
Shouta and Gerald stare each other down.
A tumbleweed passes by and western shoot out music plays (though maybe that’s just in my head).
Gerald holds his hands out in front of him and Shouta stares back in confusion.
I can no longer contain my laughter as Tomura shouts: “No Gerald! The other thing!”
Gerald whines.
“Gerald!!!”
I laugh until my gut hurts then force myself to calm down. When I look up, there is noticeably one less child in the group in front of me… and the door behind me is open…
Shit.
He’s never going to let me live this one down, is he?