Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Tsunade had known from the day she’d been assaulted on the way to the bathroom by that slip of a girl that the pink-haired demon was going to prove a huge headache to deal with. In all fairness, Tsunade had already thought the brat a headache before that – from the very first day she had laid eyes on her, when the brat had had the gall to just waltz into the Hokage’s office and demand to be taught by her, Tsunade had known the brat wasn’t just going to up and stop pestering her. No one had dared make such a request up to that point, aware of her insistence that she was not taking another student, yes, thank you very much, and fuck off – but then that pink-haired squirt had swanned in and made demands of her kage which not even the adult clan heads had dared… and then she’d come back after Tsunade had told her to get lost.

She distinctly remembered that first time laying eyes on the kid, hearing her request which eventually had become a set of words she’d never be able to forget after being subjected to them so often, and being so shocked that she’d burst out laughing.

“Please train me, Hokage-sama.”

Straight forward and to the point. Also, completely shameless.

Tsunade had paused one second to process this request, then burst out into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. She’d laughed and laughed and laughed – perhaps slightly hysterically – as the girl just stood there and fucking blinked at her with a monotonous expression. Honestly, the nerve. She should be on the floor, apologizing! And yet the girl stood, expectantly staring at her as if she thought Tsunade would agree to her harebrained request! Tsunade, who had just hauled her ass back to the village after thirty years of avoiding her problems and refusing to heal, and forced herself to face all her fears and then some, to take on the heaviest burden a shinobi of the village could bear, to do what no kage before her had had to do – restore an obliterated village to its former glory without any previous kage trainer, without any help from a clan backing her, without anything – and all of this while fixing the hospital. 

She had been so stressed, her shower drain had looked like the floor of a hair salon. A dog hair salon. And then some pink haired little nobody who had no achievements to her name whatsoever had waltzed in and demanded Tsunade teach her. Just like that. The sheer incredulity had had her bursting into a hit of (probably half-hysterical) laughter in front of her gaping mouth.

“That was a bit much, don’t you think, Tsunade-sama?” Shizune had asked afterwards, when the girl had trotted out of the office. “She is Kakashi’s student, you know?”

Tsunade had not known that, actually. 

“Huh. For some reason, I didn’t imagine his mystery third student looking like… that.”

“I find the color scheme charming.”

“It screams fucking hair conditioner add, Shizune,” Tsunade muttered, still able to see the vibrant pink hair behind her eyelids. Plus, those eyes were such an intense green, Tsunade was half convinced the girl was wearing contacts. 

She had expected Kakashi’s students Kakashi to be more like him for some reason. Naruto was not very similar to him, but Sasuke did have some strong  similarities, at least on a basic level. However, that pink-haired girl couldn’t be any more different than her sensei if she tried.

Kakashi had this look about him that reminded Tsunade of a tree in winter. Dark, cold, and kind of dead-looking – or not dead, but rather, sleepy-looking. The man seemed to be stuck in a state of eternal hibernation, unless he happened to be fighting seriously; only then did Kakashi acquire a sort of manic intensity. 

Meanwhile, that pink-haired girl looked like a fucking sakura tree exploding into full bloom – bright and colorful and girlish, garish and  – and the complete opposite of Hatake’s austere elegance. That wasn’t to say she wasn’t striking in her own way, the girl was eye-catchingly pretty, to the point where it was nearly grating. However, where everything about Kakashi screamed subtle and layered, this girl’s beauty was so in your face that most people would likely agree that no one with such an appearance had any business being a shinobi…  then again, Tsunade  was one to talk.

She surmised that this pink girl must have been praised for her looks a lot during her life. That – or she’d been envied and bullied. However, considering the high horse she’d come riding in, demanding the Hokage teach her like a fucking brat, Tsunade was leaning towards princess treatment. It was the only thing that would explain a civilian having such high self-esteem that she’d have the sheer nerve to plant herself in the Hokage’s office without an appointment and demand to be trained in the secret arts of medical ninjutsu. 

It had to be her upbringing, while the  girl was Kakashi’s student, Tsunade knew that he would never try to use his name to try to force her into anything, especially not now, given her position as Hokage – which meant that the girl was requesting this without Kakashi’s interference. Kakashi was a brat, but he definitely wasn’t the type to foist his students onto Tsunade. His problem was that he relied too little on others, rather than the opposite. Sometimes it seemed like he was the only jonin Tsunade could count on not pester her into an early grave… which was unfortunate, because he was the only jonin she actually wouldn’t mind being pestered by.

Still, he’d have to come visit her to do so. Tsunade resisted the urge to pout like a five-year-old.

“If that brat wants me to take on his student that bad, he had better show his face in my office,” she muttered, glaring at nothing in particular. 

Not that she thought Kakashi was behind the girl’s requests, but she liked to grumble about Kakashi. More seriously though, Tsunade frowned, thinking again about how she hadn’t seen him lately at all. The lack of appearances did align with the man’s authority-avoidant behavior, but… she was a little worried. Kakashi had a history of not seeking help even when she desperately needed it.

Tsunade wanted to check on him, just in case.

 “Actually, Shizune… can you pull up Kakashi’s file again?”

She heaved a tired sigh. The past months had been such a blur… She’d had her hands more than full with trying to cram village legislation, clan politics, mission protocol, civilian politics, and memorizing the over a thousand faces of her most relevant shinobi, plus her efforts to revamp the godawful healthcare system, all whilst she tried to put a stop to the ongoing mass exodus and finding architects and bankers willing to help pay for and fix the massive infrastructure damages. 

Long story short, Tsunade had not had any time for anything but working. If she had, Kakashi would have been first on her list of people she wanted to check on,  but after seeing to his recovery after his coma, she hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the man.

“Here you go, Tsunade-sama. I assumed you wanted the most recent parts, so I took the last year only. His file is a little too large to bring it here in one trip.”

Tsunade stared blankly at the three stacks of cardboard boxes Shizune was precariously balancing. She got up, taking them off the woman’s hands and dumping the box tower on her desk.

“Shizune… are you sure you didn't make a mistake.”

Her voice came in such a deadpan it didn’t even sound like a question.

“No… lady Tsunade. I was a bit surprised, myself, but I figured, since they’re all signed by you…”

Tsunade didn’t hear the rest of the sentence. Signed by her? What in the shit? She’d delegated all ANBU duties on the commander. She would only need to sign off on documents for solos, and she had decidedly not done that.

Hands trembling with fury, she opened the first box, dating from a couple of months ago.

S Rank – [CLASSIFIED]

S Rank – Assassination of [REDACTED]

S rank – [CLASSIFIED]

Why the fuck was her signature on documents she’d never even seen before. Damn it! What the fuck!

Tsunade damn near snarled at the guards as she stormed out of the tower.

The door of Torture and Interrogation banged behind her. 

“Hokage-sama?!” Yamanaka Inoichi yelped.

“Inoichi! You’re the head of intelligence, are you not? Will you please tell me what the fucking meaning of this is?”

After dealing with Inoichi for much too long it became apparent that: one) the Yamanaka was useless and, two) the Yamanaka had no interest in wasting his precious time looking into the matter he was woefully uninformed about.

“I will notify Morino,” the Yamanaka chirped. “I’m sure he would be delighted in helping you with this, Hokage-sama. He has more  free time than I.”

Very well. If the man didn’t want to help her, that was his prerogative. 

“Fine,” she spat. “Inform Morino that I want him in my office with an explanation about this by next week.”

Once back in her office, she snapped:

“Get me Morino's file.”

As it turned out, Morino Ibiki was apparently the ball boy at T&I. You’d never guess, from his appearance, that the Yamanaka treated him like his little bitch, but all evidence indicated he was. It seemed he got stuck doing all the unsavory jobs the Yamanaka and his entourage didn’t want (or couldn’t handle, she added privately). Tsunade could sense a pattern here… she wondered if Morino had gotten those scars he was so infamous for because someone had sent him off to be fodder. 

Yamanaka had been his boss at the time. Regardless, she did have to thank the Yamanaka bastard (Tsunade had changed her opinion of that two-faced snake after learning about this) for referring her to Morino Ibiki. The man looked like he must be someone who got shit done. Finally. 

“Don’t worry about your other obligations, Morino.”

“But, Hokage-sama–”

“I said don’t worry. You’re looking into this for me. Yamanaka will be taking all your cases, since he was so adamant his expertise was needed at the cage. You’re dismissed.”

As she’d predicted, it soon turned out Morino was her man. He came back to her one week later, having unearthed a plot to sabotage Hatake and possibly get him killed or at the very least crippled. The poor brat had been forced into ANBU again and subsequently run into the ground so bad he had managed to fill three new storage boxes in less than a year, all of this without giving him a team to work with or time to rest. 

Tsunade was horrified, realizing that the way things were, none of Kakashi’s basic needs could have been met for over a year. No human contact with friends or loved ones, no time off, no medical check-ups after slews upon slews of S-ranks… Damn it. Fucking damn it. She’d failed that poor, stubborn brat again. Why didn’t he ask for help like a normal person? Tsunade knew he could’ve snuck back in the village to visit her, or hell, sent her one of his summons. So why didn’t he?

She cursed the brat to hell and back, fuming as she paced back and forth in her office.

“Uhh… Hokage-sama?”

“Don’t mind me, Morino. Please continue your report.”

“Ah… right. Well, like I was saying, evidence strongly suggests–”

Tsunade closed her eyes, glancing out of the window and taking a deep breath. She recalled her Uncle Tobi doing the very same thing when she was a child, looking upon his older brother for guidance – or probably to remind himself of why he hadn’t committed mass homicide yet.

Tsunade had always thought he had the worst job in the world.

 And now look at her: here she was, listening to Ibiki fucking Morino tell her that Kakashi had been shipped off on S-ranks since the day after he had woken up from his coma, allegedly under her name, and somehow she hadn't known. She could just see the elders descending on her like vultures, accusing him of killing him if something were to have happened. Luckily, the brat was a stubborn bastard through and through… but Tsunade was still furious. Who had even dared to send him on an ANBU mission less than a day after he woke up from a sharingan-induced coma? 

Needless to say, she was Not Pleased. “You’re sure of all this, Ibiki?”

She stared at the dossier on her desk, her expression tight.

“As sure as anyone can be of anything in this world of ours, Hokage-sama,”  

“Damn it all!” she snarled, resisting the urge to throw a vase at the window. 

“A-actually, Hokage-sama…” someone else butted in. She turned to eye the captain of her guard.

“Yes, Shiranui?”

“On the topic of Kakashi, I think there’s something you might want to see.”

“What is it?” she asked, pausing her mad pacing to stare at him.

“Well… they’re holding a trial against him…”

“Excuse me?” Tsunade stared at Shiranui in horror. “Right now?”

“Yes. In court room one.”

Fuck!

Tsunade turned on her heel, rounding the desk and grabbing Morino by the end of his coat. “Follow!” She turned. “Good job, Shiranui!” Then she was out the door.

She and Morino rushed to the court room, the ANBU guard dogging her heels per usual. Shiranui hadn’t been lying. To Tsunade’s horror and disbelief, Kakashi was being tried in a court of law. Without her consent. Without her fucking knowledge. For a moment, she was so shocked that she  just stood there, at the door, staring at the proceedings below, her mind completely blank of thoughts. 

Danzo, that little bitch, was tearing into Kakashi relentlessly. “…and so you selfishly waste village resources and weapons by continuing to refuse S-ranks. Truly, I must say, how the mighty have fallen.”

“You think I’m mighty? I have to say, your support means a lot.”

Danzo clucked furiously. “Cut the crap, Hatake, and own up to your mistakes already. You’ve dawdled away an entire month completing that mission in Iwa! Your selfishness has reached new heights and yet there you sit, uncaring that your village needs you, spouting witticisms at me.”

Kakashi didn’t reply but for a hum.

“Yes, imitate the sound of a gracing cow all you like, Hatake. The fact remains that you are condemning your comrades to their deaths only because what? You didn’t feel like hurrying up with that mission at Iwa–” 

“That’s enough,” Tsunade snapped, advancing into the room, hot white anger brewing in her gut. “Danzo! Explain yourself.”

Danzo turned to stare at her, seeming to freeze on the spot. “Ah, Hokage-sama– how nice of you to make an appearance, not that it was necessary, of course–”

“I said explain yourself,” Tsunade growled. “What in the seven blazes are you doing?”

“My apologies, Tsunade-sama, I didn’t wish to inconvenience you with  matters of little importance, so I took it upon myself to call Hatake to order–”

“What farce of a trial is this?” she  interrupted, bulldozing over Danzo’s platitudes in order to glance at the other elders. None dared meet her furious eyes. By this point, she’d made it to the center of the room, where Kakashi was tied to a chair, the elders spread out in the seats around him. With brusque force, Tsunade grabbed the silver cuffs and tore them of his skin.

The Utatane bitch gasped. “Those are special chakra chains–!”

The nerve.  Tsunade placed a careful hand on Kakashi’s collarbone, disguising it as a supportive gesture, and checked his reserves. They were critically low. He should be in a goddamned hospital room!

“Such chains are expensive! Don’t you know we’re budgeting, Hokage-sama?”

Tsunade turned to glare furiously at Utatane. 

 “Then maybe you should have thought twice before using them to tie up a jonin with chakra capacity problems, Utatane-san,” she damn near snarled. Well, it sounded rather calmer than she felt. 

With a stabbing sort of empathy, she resisted the urge to begin healing Kakashi, who was still as a statue beneath her. The  man had an iron composure, his posture relaxed as if he were enjoying some show, rather than enduring his own trial. 

“Ma, ma, Hokage-sama. I can vouch that these chains weren’t working very well, either way. Not a great loss, if you ask me.”

“Damn you, Hatake! Shut your trap!” Koharu shouted.

“Gladly,” Kakashi replied, leaning back to sprawl on his chair as if it were a lounge couch. Privately, Tsunade thought it must be the exhaustion.

She turned to eye Danzo, her hot fury morphing into something colder and sharper. 

“You haven’t answered me, Danzo,” she said quietly, casting a dark glance at him. “What is this farce of a trial?”

“W-well, it was more of a disciplinary hearing, really–” Utatane sputtered.

“I didn’t ask you, Utatane.” Tsunade crossed her arms, gesturing for Kakashi to get up. “Danzo?”

“It was meant to be a mere admonishment, Hokage-sama. We never had any intentions of truly punishing Hatake here,” Danzo said with a smarmy smile in his direction. “Merely give him a bit of an incentive to work harder for his village.”

“A mere admonishment which required using the main trial room and assembling all thirty members of the elder council?” Tsunade repeated quietly. “Tell me, Danzo. What exactly were you intending to do when someone actually stepped a toe out of line? Kill their entire family as a punishment?” 

Danzo gulped.  “Well, yes, I mean no, but–”

“Listen to me, Shimura,” Tsunade said coldly. “What you were doing just now? That’s treason.  Kakashi has been taking S-ranks. If you don’t want to find yourself in his chair in the near future, kindly never drag him to a hearing like this again. Is this understood?” Danzo nodded his head jerkily. Tsunade glared darkly around the room. “To all of you here, remember that I alone am your kage. You answer to me. I don’t know what things were like with sensei in power, but I do not take kindly to being passed over and having disciplinary hearings held without my knowledge.” She dragged Kakashi out of his chair. “We’re done here. Danzo, I want you in my office first thing tomorrow. You and I need to talk.”

Ibiki stood tall behind her desk, his expression as serious as was typical for him.

“Thank you, Ibiki,” she said sincerely.

“Of course, Hokage-sama.”

“Same goes for you, Shiranui,” she said in the general direction of the ceiling.

“‘t was my pleasure, my lady!” came from a rafter somewhere. 

Tsunade snorted, then rounded the desk and sat back heavily. She rubbed her temples, thinking back to that trial nightmare and how she’d have to deal with the second part tomorrow morning. Her shower drain was going to get clogged again soon, she just knew it. 

“I can’t believe no one notified me about this… the entire council was assembled…” she mumbled tiredly. Ugh. I need some sake, but I can’t afford a hangover for tomorrow.

Ibiki grimaced with sympathy. “They’re snakes, Hokage-sama.”

“That they are. You’ve done a damn good job, Morino.” Tsunade gave him a respectful nod. “You have my personal gratitude for working on this so efficiently. I’m sure Hatake would be thanking you as well, if he were here.”

“I will endeavor to remain vigilant,” Ibiki replied after a moment of going amusingly red. He was bad at dealing with gratitude, Tsunade suspected. Not surprising, considering she could hardly picture that Yamanaka thanking him for anything.

“You’re getting a raise, Morino,” she decided on a whim.

“Hokage-sama? What about our budget?”

“Don’t worry about our budget. I need you in good shape to keep up the good work. So, take the raise and treat yourself, Morino. You’ve earned it.”

The damn near man gaped at her again, looking woefully off-kilter. Tsunade snorted, deciding to let the poor sod leave before he completely ruined his intimidating persona in front of her.

“Get some rest, Morino. Dismissed.”

The man nodded once more and strode out of the office. Tsunade sighed, folding her fingers together as she watched the now closed door. Ibiki was a good man. She was aware that not many people liked him, but she personally always had. It was a pity most of his colleagues avoided the man on account of his… well, to be honest, if asked they would probably say he was disliked because of his horror-inducing scars, or because of the nature of his occupation, but Tsunade honestly thought a big part of it was his name. Or rather, his surname.

Morino Ibiki was one of the very few first generation shinobi who had made it high in their profession. Currently, the only other similarly high ranking civilian-born in the village was Shiranui Genma. She supposed Orochimaru's own former student, Mitarashi Anko, could also be considered... but she was so discredited that Tsunade hesitated to call her 'high ranking' despite her jonin status. The distrust and distaste towards their kind wasn’t born of prejudice – or not just, anyway. Civilians tended to be similarly distrustful towards shinobi, and given the secretive nature of the ninja arts, those civilians who tried to become shinobi, never made it very far, and therefore developed resentment towards the system.

It was a generally accepted fact that civilian-borns were inferior to clan progeny, for one reason or another. Tsunade was likely one of the only people in the village who knew better. She didn’t consider herself a particularly kind individual; never the type to go around championing the rights of others with loud wordy, speeches, but she had been raised surrounded by civilian-borns, so at this point, she had more than seen the worth they could have. After all, though it was not a well known fact, both of her teammates were civilian-borns. So was the yondaime Hokage. So was the captain of her ANBU guard. So were all of the students Orochimaru and Jiraiya had taken.

So was Haruno fucking Sakura.

The thought of that particular  pet peeve put her in a bad mood again.  At this point, it was clear that the girl wasn’t expecting her teacher to step in and pave the way for her, which ordinarily would be a good thing, but the fact that she’d gone so far in her Hokage-pestering without Kakashi’s consent and endorsement meant Tsunade was not getting rid of her as easily as she would wish. The damned brat had made annoying the living shit out of her kage into routine. A twelve-year-old!

It reminded Tsunade of herself and her uncle, back when… back when everything was different. For some reason, the thought made her nostalgic enough to put her in the mood to drink her ass off, even though she had way too much work to be slacking.

Damn it all.

The pink demon kept pestering her. After encountering Haruno waiting in the ceiling of her bathroom like some overgrown, pink spider for the fifth time, Tsunade finally caved.

“Pull up her file, Shizune.”

Shizune practically glowed out of happiness upon receiving the order. “Straight away, my lady!”

Tsunade grumbled something intelligible at her ANBU, going back to her chair. She’d told her ridiculous animal-themed entourage to keep her bathroom free of… visitors. It was in the west wing, which was off limits for non-staff members. Despite her orders, Haruno continued her overgrown spider act day after day. Tsunade suspected her ANBU were getting a kick out of this. At this point, it was a battle of wills.

She finally deigned to open said file after yet another day of being the demon girl’s victim. The file itself relieved her. Considering that the girl was Kakashi’s student (and what a high bar the rest of team seven had set), Tsunade had feared she’d encounter the file of some prodigal brat she’d be forced to teach lest she upset some god out there, but this was luckily not the case. If nothing else, the demon girl’s file was good for laughs. 

Besides for having such a flimsy mission record that she was filled with incredulity yet again at this girl’s nerve, Tsunade enjoyed discovering that she had a name so predictably cliche that it was actually hilarious. Haruno fucking Sakura. God, she pitied poor Kakashi for being stuck with a student so absolutely different from him even in the name.  God, the girl sounded like some heroine out of Jiraiya’s books – her name was that bad. 

Tsunade tried to imagine Kakashi gray, droopy-eyed, awful-with-frail-things – yes, that Kakashi – talking or interacting with this petite, feminine, pink-haired demon spider girl in any way, shape or form and found that she simply couldn’t.  Those two were like winter in spring, with nothing in common other than the fact that they had nothing in common.

Now more at ease, Tsunade perused the rest of Haruno fucking Sakura’s file at her leisure. It was unremarkable. Civilian parents, no known shinobi family, didn’t make it to the third round of the chunin exams, was used as a hostage by Gaara… the girl didn’t seem like much.

Tsunade was sort of wondering how on earth she even ended up on a team with two legends on it. Fuck Ino-Shika-Cho, anyone in their right mind would’ve put Ino with Naruto and Sasuke. The Yamanaka girl had a strong personality (a requirement to deal with those two), and was known for being intelligent but not in your face about it, sociable and talented. She was the obvious candidate. Sensei ought to have known that. Tsunade didn’t think for a second Hiruzen would’ve let Inoichi bully him into the team placement he wanted if her sensei had truly been set on putting Yamanaka on team seven… and yet, he’d ended up placing pinky on it instead.

Tsunade frowned, digging through team seven’s old files until she found the discarded one detailing possible female candidates for the new legendary team. There weren’t a lot to pick from. In fact, from the very beginning, there had only been three. Hyuga Hinata had been swiftly discarded, due to her personality. She was deemed as too passive to be placed on an assault squad of team seven’s characteristics. That only left, as Tsunade had suspected, Ino Yamanaka and for some ungodly, unfathomable reason, Haruno Sakura.

Finally, she discovered the letter that had possibly led to her little stalker’s team placement.

Dear Lord Third,

Regarding what we discussed about the integrants of Naruto’s team, I have a bit of an odd proposal to you. I am aware that Ino-chan is the most likely candidate to be picked, but before you make the final decision with the council, please bear with me, my lord, for I believe it may not be necessary to break up the legendary Ino-Shika-Cho trio after all.

I won’t tell you who I speak of for now, because her appearance can be rather misleading (hell, even her name is, to be honest), so I will endeavor to introduce her without bringing about misconceptions. First, let me start by saying that she is a civilian born, my lord, which I realize may not sound extremely promising, but I do believe this is the very reason you should consider her. The girl will be graduating as one of the best in her class, despite the class she’s in – and she’s a civilian. 

Not only is that beneficial for team seven politically – you’ll have no need to worry about incurring the wrath of a clan with this girl aboard – it is also advantageous because of how much raw potential this girl has, which could he shaped in any number of ways. She doesn’t have a pre-walked path ahead of her. She’s going to have to make her own, and I do believe if we allow for it, this child might just surprise us all.  

Let me start off by saying, my student has shown unmatched Academic excellence thus far. I have never had a student as ambitious and enthusiastic, as her. She is a little shy, but once you get to know her, the girl has a voracious appetite for ninja-know how. She wants to know everything. About everything. I am certain she will surprise us once more on time for the finals – not that anyone is going to be surprised at whatever score she ends up getting, to be honest. 

But enough with the Academics. I suspect I’m making her sound like a paper ninja. She is one currently, I admit, but she has the potential to be more than that. My student is decent at taijutsu, especially all the skills which can be trained individually, even if she could apply herself more in this course.  Though her outlook is perhaps still somewhat childish, I see potential in her. 

She has yet to fail at breaking a single of the surprise illusions Mizuki casts on the class during recess and is second to none in chakra control. I swear she picks the ninjutsu portions up faster than even Uchiha Sasuke, and I realize they are only learning basic things, my lord, but I must insist that this girl is a civilian with no outside help.

You may also be interested to note that she has a strong rivalry with Yamanaka Ino. The two consider each other equals, which says a lot, considering young Ino’s temperament.

None of these are the reasons I am recommending this student for team seven, however. The simple truth of it is that I believe she’s the only real candidate who can work with the both of those complicated kids. I told you already that a team with Naruto and Sasuke will never work… but if you insist on saddling those two together… well. At least, please pick someone who won’t hate Naruto, my lord.

As you know, Naruto… struggles to fit in with his peers. If you pick Ino, who I dare say has been rather influenced by her father, it will not end well. Ino is a sweet girl, but she isn’t the type to keep her opinions to herself, and she’s never  passed up a chance to make her distaste for Naruto apparent, influencing the rest of their year against him. On the contrary, a civilian who doesn’t have a father breathing bias into her ear might learn to appreciate Naruto faster than any of the other girls in his class. In fact, Naruto is already very fond of her. 

It started due to Ino. As I said previously, Naruto is not very fond of her, and Ino happens to be constantly fighting with the girl I speak of these days, which somehow resulted in Naruto developing a bit of a crush for her. (I noticed this when I caught him actually listening to this girl’s admonishments about proper etiquette and subsequently trying to improve his behavior. I swear, watching Naruto try to pick up table manners to impress his crush is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen…) 

I won’t bore you with the details of my kids’ shenanigans, though. In any case, after noticing this girl’s impressive ability to get Naruto to listen to her (I only wish he’d pay attention to me like that), I approached my student with a proposition. I hope you wouldn’t mind my breach in protocol, Hokage-sama, but as you know, it’s Naruto’s third try at the final, and he has yet to pass the theory portion –  I was desperate to raise his grades at that point, and this was a last ditch attempt. In any case, I offered to give the girl extra credit in exchange for tutoring Naruto, the deal being that if she was able to get him to pass any five theory subjects of her choice, I would in turn exchange some of her taijutsu grades for her grades in her extra theory subjects. If Naruto didn’t pass, the deal would have never needed to be brought up, which is why I am informing you about this now, rather than at the start of last year.

The final exams this year are still a few weeks away, but at this point, I think it’s safe to say that my plan worked. You know how thick-headed Naruto can be, and his crush somehow convinced him to study!  Against all odds, his grades have somehow been improving at a frankly shocking pace – though only in five subjects (you win some  and you lose some, I suppose). If only I’d known it would just take manipulating him through his crush to get him to pay more attention… Anyway, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that he’s on track to scoring quite well in his finals for Advanced Traps, Herbology, Modern History, Law and Tactics. 

Yes, you read that right. I had expected the girl to tutor him in something a little more… basic as well, but she chose those five. And against all odds, Naruto’s actually doing it! 

When I asked my student why on earth she picked those subjects out of all the available ones in the curriculum, she gave me a very surprising, insightful answer which I think you’ll find as interesting as I did.

She told me, and I quote, that ‘Naruto-baka is so bad at reading that he’s better at learning things when I tell him myself, so I’m focusing on subjects I can tutor him that don’t require writing. Even better if he can learn by doing something hands-on.’

It shocked me because of how true this assessment is in hindsight, and yet I never thought of it myself. Perhaps my student also had some not so humble motives for picking these five courses of her own (after all, she managed to badger me into giving her practice quizzes to ‘help Naruto study’ – quizzes she is clearly using to revise herself) but frankly, I cannot complain at all, given her results.

Hokage-sama, I hope you would be as surprised by her insight as me. You would be proud to note how Naruto’s pranks in class have evolved lately, going from from annoying water-balloon attacks or gum beneath the table tomfoolery at the start of the year to actual pulley-and rope requiring honest to god ninja traps that force me to pay an exhausting amount of attention to him. And I fear it’s going to get even worse from here on out. Just the other day, he managed to set up climbing gear to deface the Hokage mountain, and while I managed to catch him before he could vandalize the faces, I fear he might just be successful soon. 

Most amusingly, perhaps, is the fact that he is clearly pulling off all of these pranks thanks to my star student’s tutoring, and yet the girl has the absolute nerve to sit in the front row and lecture Naruto with a completely straight face about his misbehavior,  even though I suspect half the traps  he’s using were engineered by her.

Aren’t these two just too cute not to put on the same team? Don’t tell me you don’t want to.

Well, Hokage-sama. I believe I’ve made my case. I  understand if you end up going with Yamanaka Ino in the end, but as someone who has grown to care for Naruto, I hope you’ll consider this unconventional solution to the squad arrangement problem. Team seven would find a much more suitable final member in… Haruno Sakura.

With hopes you’ll consider my advice,

Umino Iruka.

The letter gave Tsunade pause. At least according to  Umino Iruka’s claims, Haruno was the only reason the kiddo had managed to pass the theory portions of his final Academy exams.  That was nothing to scoff at. Tsunade knew that he would’ve been made a genin whether he passed the theory or failed, but it still meant something that he’d apparently managed to do it the right way. 

If this Iruka fellow was right, the Haruno brat must have the patience of a saint to tutor a brick head like Naruto in anything Academics related. Those theory final requirements had been stipulated by her dear grand uncle, which did not bode well for the kiddo.

Tsunade was so curious about this, as a matter of fact, that she actually went and sent Shizune to unearth Naruto’s Academy exams –  she wanted to see whether he had passed after all, and if so, actually read those tests because she had trouble picturing Naruto passing a Law exam, no matter what Umino Iruka said in his letter.

“I brought you Sakura-chan’s tests as well,” Shizune said sweetly, re-entering her office after about a half-hour long disappearance.

Tsunade’s eyebrow twitched. “I believe I only asked for Naruto and the Nara brat’s tests, Shizune. Not Haruno fucking Sakura’s.” She had better things to do with her time.

“Do you have to keep calling her Haruno fucking Sakura?” Shizune huffed. “Tsunade-sama, that’s so childish–”

“My personal pet peeve has a hilarious name and so help me god, Shizune, nothing you say will stop me from laughing about it, thank you.” There was precious little to laugh about as is.

Shizune sighed at her but knew when to give up. Tsunade ignored her antics in favor of perusing the file the woman had just handed to her.  She refused to be curious about Haruno. She refused, damn it! She’d already discovered that the girl’s file was mediocre, which gave her conscience the perfect out. She was not budging on that!

Thus, Tsunade pointedly ignored Haruno’s academy file (which was oddly large) and went to take a look at the Nara brat’s tests to use as a reference against which to compare Naruto’s… only to sigh upon discovering that of course she should have known the prodigy Nara Shikamaru would have completely shitty test results for his Academy Finals. In hindsight, she should’ve known: the brat was lazy as anything even now, so he must have been much worse as a child. 

Tsunade had idly entertained the thought of teaching him some medical ninjutsu, but she’d dismissed the idea the second he yawned in the middle of a mission briefing. She didn’t suffer slackers. Of course, being the Hokage meant she had to compromise when dealing with the Nara clan, but she’d be damned if she taught her jutsu to someone who yawned in her face while she did it.

So, with a scoff, she ignored the Nara’s frankly embarrassing test result and set about perusing Naruto’s… only to frown at the papers, completely perplexed.

“Oi, oi, are you telling me Naruto’s final grades are actually better than Shikamaru’s?”

She knew Iruka had claimed they’d be good, but… woah.

Given, Shikamaru had probably not studied whatsoever while Naruto had been tutored by the very motivated star student for a year (and Tsunade knew that the blonde menace put in a lot of effort towards his dream) but still. 

“Not bad, kiddo.” She found herself smiling as she leafed through his test papers. Especially considering he’d failed through all his prior attempts.

“Lady Tsunade… shouldn’t you get back to–?”

“Shut it, Shizune! I need this break, damn it! This is a balm for all the stress that the pink demon is putting me through.” 

More like the Danzo demon, but Tsunade liked to pretend that that man’s shenanigans didn’t affect her. Better to blame the pink brat.

“If you say so…” Shizune muttered.

Tsunade ignored her skeptical reply in favor of snorting at Naruto’s Modern History final.

10. Describe the geopolitical climate precluding the first great shinobi war and outline which event was considered as the war’s catalyst. 

I dunno about the weather or anything, but what I do know is that those geezers from Kumo were really shitty because they kept sending a bunch of spies and super strong ninja to attack us all sneakily in the border, but since the attacks were kind of blurry no one could really say if it was on purpose or not but it was kind of obvious that it was on purpose, but we couldn’t say it, so they wanted us to look like the bad guys by making us declare the war or whatever, but they should’ve known we’re not a buncha scaredy cats. Then, some princess got kidnapped and she was kind of important but I don’t remember why, but anyway, I guess the first Hokage jiji got really mad and declared war.

Tsunade lowered the paper with a wry chuckle. The way the answer was voiced was all Naruto… but actually, it was perfectly correct. The only thing that would be missing from his explanation was that that ‘princess’ who had been kidnapped had been her mother, but that was classified knowledge. In fact, the official reports didn’t say anything about a princess; the widely accepted account of the second great war’s catalyst was ‘the kidnapping of an important member from a clan’, but she didn’t think most sources went into specifics. 

Interestingly, Tsunade was often called ‘hime’ which could be understood as princess… Was it a coincidence that Naruto had written that the catalyst was that a princess got kidnapped?  Or did this pink girl actually research the topic deeply enough to come across that sort of information and then tell him? 

Hm. Interesting. Tsunade looked over the rest of Naruto’s Academy papers, chuckling over the brat’s (surprisingly fairly correct) answers. The same rule applied for his tactics test. Did he seriously score well in tactics? Tsunade would have never guessed it, but reading Naruto’s answers, you could tell he had the gist of the ideas, even if his way of expressing them was often with analogies that didn’t… sound very professional, to put it lightly. Tsunade was pretty surprised when she read a more or less correct essay detailing laws passed by the yondaime. 

And people called him an idiot. Tsunade shook her head fondly, pleased with the kid, as she folded up the papers. 

Good on you, Naruto. Good on you.

She’d spent so much time looking over Naruto’s Academy tests that Tsunade had to return to work immediately after finishing her perusal, completely forgetting she’d asked Shizune to fetch one more student’s results for her. 

One week later, Tsunade stumbled upon the test papers again after getting through a frankly nightmare-inducing pile of paperwork. 

She’d been shooting glimpses at the last stack at the very bottom throughout the morning, so when she finally made it to the stack in question and realized that it was not paperwork at all, she was inordinately pleased. So pleased, in fact, that she wasn’t even mad at Haruno Sakura when she tried to barge in on her bathroom break, for she was the author of the non-paperwork stack. Her academy finals.

Returning to the office, Tsunade felt like a champ. She had vanquished all that paperwork like the best of ‘em, and finally, she’d be free to do whatever she pleased with the rest of her day… aka drinking. A first free day in… well, ever since she’d been named kage.

She leaned back on her chair, propping her feet on the desk, and poured herself some sake. Then she went on to paint her toe nails, much to the spitting of her ANBU guard, because why the fuck not. She was the kage, she could do whatever she pleased. The thought of what Uncle Tobi would say if he could see her painting her toe nails on his precious desk both made her giggle and become nostalgic. To ward off the thoughts of lost family, she grabbed Haruno’s tests papers and looked them over. 

And… damn, what? Was this girl for real? For the first time, Tsunade was forced to really pay attention to something Haruno-related. 

“What the shit…”

The Academy offered students the  option to take additional subjects, depending on what specialization a prospective genin wanted to go into. Tsunade knew about this option because it meant a lot of extra paperwork for her, and it had made her want to maul her uncle more than once. Was an advanced physics course really necessary? What shinobi in the history of ever would have any use for optometry or refractometry? Who the fuck cared what Snell’s law said? Other than him, that is.

Tsunade just knew Uncle Tobi would have some answer in store for this question, such as… 

‘The laws of optics have served me well to better understand the sharingan and its weak points,’ or something like that. God knew Tsunade knew a lot about optics herself, but that was because she was a medic. Honestly, Snell’s law was not something she’d teach to twelve-year-olds. 

Well, she hadn’t really abolished her uncle’s stupid extra subject policy because some actually could come in handy. There were two advanced classes for traps related physics which a ninja that was serious about traps could use, a class for biology and one for herbology that would come in handy to future medic nins and toxicologists, some cultural anthropology courses that would benefit future infiltrations specialists, and so on.  There was even a class covering the different dialects across the five ninja nations which required students to perfectly mimic accents for the final exam. All in all, Tsunade hadn’t abolished all this stuff because it probably could help someone, maybe, even if most kids never even took these courses because they were brats and had other things to spend their time on.

Tsunade couldn’t blame them; no one in their right mind would bother with the extra classes, considering that the benefits were very limited. Each extra class would add half a point to the overall theory grade average, so taking one advanced extra course might be a good idea for if you wanted to waste a lot of time for negligible benefits. Apparently, Haruno Sakura was either a fool or a colossal nerd, because she'd taken every available elective. Her uncle would love her, Tsunade thought distractedly, eyeing the girl’s Academy files. It seemed the demon was determined to make up for what she lacked in taijutsu and family name through sheer force of will, not that it had been targeted very intelligently. No one gave a shit about Academy grades. Tsunade was only reading her grades from back then because of a fluke. Ordinarily, the Hokage would never look at this, nor care about some paper ninja achievement. 

And yet… Haruno had not only successfully tutored that knuckle-headed kiddo, she had taken all fifteen advanced electives and scored perfect grades in every single one of them, same as in all of her core courses.

Algebra, calculus, the physics of trap-mechanisms, medical  physics, chakra theory, advanced traps, modern and history, village law, civilian law, biology, chemistry, herbology, cultural anthropology and the stupid accents class… Fuck. Was this girl serious? People this insane actually existed? The most Tsunade had come across so far were student who took one or two advanced electives. This was due to the fact that the topics were so diverse that students usually only took one or two because it didn’t make sense to pick more. What Haruno had done… was completely unheard of.

Tsunade leafed through the girl’s Academy file, trying to wrap her head around what she was reading. Ah. Apparently, she had tested out of her first couple of advanced courses in her fourth year at the Academy, which meant she hadn’t actually taken that many advanced subjects in her last year. Also, she had repeated a year. Even so, the idea of what she had accomplished was mind-boggling.

Maybe not so different from Kakashi after all, Tsunade thought, leafing through the girl’s perfect biology quiz. She actually had a good basis to become  a med nin.

Tsunade checked the rest of her graduation file and discovered that Haruno also had perfect scores in the ninjutsu portion as well. So… decent chakra control, then, too. 

Suspected genjutsu type – she read next. Huh. Followed by… perfect scores in the chakra control portion. Huh. 

That Iruka fellow really wasn’t exaggerating, apparently.

The more she read, the more Tsunade’s eyebrows climbed up her forehead. She supposed she should’ve realized that the girl had to be highly intelligent to have scored so high overall in a class full of clan heirs, but still. Other than taijutsu, she seemed to be good at everything. Something seemed off about this. How had someone with such a track record managed to be so useless thus far? Get herself captured by Gaara? The girl’s grades were only a couple of points below Ino Yamanaka, god’s sake! And that, because the Yamanaka had gained extra points by showing off clan jutsu – like most clan children did. 

How the hell did Haruno slip under the cracks?

Tsunade swore loudly. She’d been ready to write this girl off, like the entire village had seemed to. And yet, her Academy file… Haruno did not have the advantage of showing off clan jutsu to get extra points in the ninjutsu portion, which typically ensured that clan children dominated the top spots in the final scores. Haruno was a civilian in a class full of clan heirs, simply because of the competition, she should have placed at least in the double digits. And yet, thanks to that girl’s deal with Iruka (and Hiruzen approving the exception), Haruno had managed to  get the second highest grades in the kunoichi ranking, somehow placing above Hyuga Hinata. 

Maybe it wasn’t a fluke that this pink brat got placed in Kakashi’s team... maybe, Tsunade had jumped to conclussions much too fast.

Should she take the girl after all?

Tsunade thought back to her Uncle Tobi and how he’d basically strong-armed the council into accepting civilians at the Academy. She had been a child at the time, and it had confused her. She’d disliked civilians back then too, like most anyone from a clan. She hadn’t understood. Plus, her uncle wasn’t exactly the type to go championing random people’s rights. As a kage, he had been a pragmatic at heart. 

“I’m already unpopular as is. I see no need to step on more toes than strictly necessary,” he had told her once.

And yet, the man had stepped on a literal beehive with the civilian matter – on purpose!

When Tsunade had asked him about it when she’d been a teen, he had told her it was all a political ploy to get the clans content. Which made her stare at him blankly, because the clans had flipped out at his proposal.

He waved her off. “They may fight me like a cat about to be chugged into a water basin now, but they don’t realize this will help promote stability in the long run.”

“What do you mean?”

“The promotion system I integrated recently has been a nightmare, as you know. Some people just can’t cope with the fact that they are objectively weaker than other shinobi of a less important clan. It has led to a lot of unrest.”

“They  are dingbats,” a young Tsunade had declared, peering up at her uncle from her perch next to him.

He had smiled wryly. “Yes. They are dingbats. But unfortunately, they are dangerous dingbats and I don’t want a revolution on my hands.”

“So how do civilians come in?” she wondered, kicking her legs idly. “What do they have to do with the new promotion system, Tobi-ojii?”

“Civilians becoming ninja adds a new level to the overall hierarchy in the village. Soon, the dingbats will be able to feel superior again and peace will be restored.”

“Huh. That’s kind of lame, uncle. I was expecting you to give a rousing speech about civilian rights.”

“Then you don’t know me very well, Tsuna.”

No, her uncle was never the public speaker type, but he did do more for the rights of civilians than anyone else in the village, whatever his intentions may have been. Tsunade had not been pleased to discover herself saddled with not one – but two! – civilian-borns as her genin teammates. Of course, pampered brat that she’d been, she’d gone to her uncle to complain. Her uncle told her that she was too used to being treated like a princess by her clan-born classmates and she needed some teammates who wouldn’t be licking her boots.

Tsunade had pouted and given up. When her uncle wanted something, he got his way more often than not. He was the kage, after all, so he’d saddled her and Hiruzen with two civilians. Must’ve been a nightmare for sensei, she imagined. Getting stuck teaching his Sensei’s precious Tsuna and two civilians… an arguably worse lot than what Kakashi had gotten, if she was honest. However, for all his faults, Hiruzen had been an amazing teacher, and with her uncle still around, Tsunade’s team had become legendary, civilian-born majority or not. And her uncle got to mock the council, which was probably his intent all along.

Long story short, unlike the rest of her contemporaries, Tsunade was well aware that civilians were just as likely to have hidden potential for greatness as clanborn kids. In her experience, their desire to prove themselves and their ability to blend in with the civilian world often lead to truly formidable shinobi. Jiraiya, Orochimaru, Minato, Genma, Kabuto, Ibiki… all of them excelled at espionage and infiltration. Tsunade didn’t believe in coincidences. However, it also didn’t escape her that no civilian-born woman had ever become a shinobi. She’d heard enough from Jiraiya to know of the cultural differences between civilian and shinobi women, so that didn’t particularly surprise her. Raised to be demure, polite, and servile, a civilian woman should never dare to overstep and take what she wanted, should settle for marrying before her twentieth birthday and carrying at least three children to term.

Yes, no matter how much that pink demon begged her… taking on a civilian girl as an apprentice seemed like a bad idea, considering the literal landmine that was their cultural beliefs for women. Again, Tsunade wondered how Kakashi had dealt with a student like this. Haruno fucking Sakura’s permanent visits had become less of an annoying afterthought and more of a moral debate for her at this point. She did seem to have the smarts, but…

Ugh. Tsunade was torn.

On the one hand: as the kage, she was more than in her right to tell the girl to fuck off.  On the other hand, she just knew her uncle was tutting at her from somewhere, giving her judgmental eyes. But again, Tsunade already had done her part of passing her knowledge on, and she’d done it for him, so he could keep his judgy damned eyes to himself.

But then again, Haruno’s academic record spoke of impressive discipline and self-sufficiency. She came from a middle class family which definitely couldn’t have afforded personal tutors, she had no shinobi relatives… it meant Haruno's academic  achievements were entirely her own. The girl was gifted, that much was obvious. And she was a damned hard worker who clearly didn’t need some adult holding her hand. It was exactly the only type of student Tsunade would be able to deal with given her workload: the student that only needed basic guidelines and study material, without much of a teacher there.

So… what to do? Taking on a civilian was a pitfall. She had enough problems as is without making Kakashi’s brat one more of them.  But then again… the only true argument against Haruno was the civilian cultural differences that made their women so submissive, but Haruno clearly didn’t fit the profile. The girl had some balls on her. She was the only person in the village to dare ask Tsunade for lessons. Not even Shizune had asked her, all those years ago.

It was kind of strange, but Haruno was the first ever person who dared ask her so directly, and also the first to keep coming back with such persistence.

Resilience. That was the most important quality needed to become a doctor. Studying medicine was a marathon. Haruno was proving to have much more endurance than Tsunade had given her credit for…

What the hell. If she didn’t give the girl a shot, she just knew she’d keep thinking about this for ages. Might as well let her try. She’d probably be disappointingly average and then Tsunade could get rid of her.

This, after once more being assaulted by the pink demon, Tsunade paused on the door-swell of her office, glancing back at the ridiculous bob of pink hair turning to disappear down the corridor. 

Haruno seemed as unfazed as ever by her rejection. A tough nut to crack, that girl, even with that ridiculous appearance of hers. Tsunade’s traitorous lips ran away from her before she knew it.

“Fine.”

She hated that the damned brat had impressed her, but she had.  The girl turned to stare at her, with an expression that was still completely blank. Probably refusing to believe Tsunade had actually caved.

She turned away from the girl’s scrutiny, marching back into her office. A part of her was still coming to terms with her agreement herself. Happy now? she fumed at her great uncle’s stupid face in the window, across the office. You better be. I just know this girl’s going to become a headache.

“Hokage-sama?” There she was,  poking her head into the office with an amount of hesitation that was honestly baffling, considering.

 Tsunade frowned. There was nothing for it now. “Prove to me that you’re worthy, brat, and I’ll take you.”

”Yes!” Haruno cried, her eyes aglow with fervor. “Thank you! Thank you, thank you…”

Tsunade didn’t like how she seemed to think she had this in the bag. “You’ve got one chance, Haruno,” she warned. “Screw it up and you’ll leave me alone for all eternity. I am fucking sick of seeing your face whenever I have to take a dump.”

 No damn take-backs, Haruno. You’ve got one chance and that’s half a chance, at best, because I don’t want a student.

The girl’s jaw clenched.   “I will prove myself to you,” she damn near spat.

No wonder Naruto liked her so much. For all her cutesy exterior, Haruno fucking Sakura was a determined little shit. Tsunade  nearly snorted, trying to picture this girl drilling modern history into the kiddo.  With her determination, it wasn’t nearly that surprising Naruto had ended up passing. The girl in question watched her as Tsunade stood from the desk she’d just sat down behind, stretching idly. She crossed the room and produced a thick tome from one of its shelves by the door, clonked it back on the desk and began paging through it.

“See this, kid?” Tsunade had pointed out a random illustration.

Girl nodded. 

“This is a diagram of the human body, to be exact, its chakra system. In other parts of the book, you will find similar diagrams detailing the nervous system, the human skeleton, the human muscle system, the lymphatic system, the organs… you name it. I am willing to lend you this book for one week.”

“You want me to learn all of it?” Haruno asked.

Tsunade snorted. “You truly believe you could?” She was forced to think back to those tests…  

Haruno nodded decisively. “Yes, Hokage-sama.”

Surely not? Yet the girl seemed very certain…

Damn, she liked her fire. Not that she’d admit to it. Not unless the girl forced her, and Tsunade was rather thick-headed. She didn’t like to be forced into things. 

With a sigh, Tsunade popped her shoulders, staring out the window again.

May as well skip over the pleasantries. Haruno would have to really impress her if she was going to take her, so Tsunade would just dole out an impossible assignment and see what the girl did with that.

“Well, I was going to tell you to pick just one and learn it, including every component of that system and its functions of course, how the different pieces interact together and so forth… but since you seem so cocky? Go ahead. Surprise me.”  

The girl took the thick tome from her hands and pressed it to her chest. She bowed. “Thank you for this opportunity, Hokage-sama.”

“Don’t think this means I’ll take you.” She wanted that to be clear.

“I’ll do whatever it takes!”

“It seems like you don’t understand: I have a village to lift off the ground here, Haruno. That means I don’t have time for anything but excellence.”

The girl’s eyes blazed again, giving Tsunade the type of look she didn’t see very often. The same look Naruto had given her when he’d convinced her to return. Haruno grabbed the book and walked out of the office with a decisive nod. Tsunade watched her go with mixed feelings. 

With the impeccable timing he usually had, Kakashi deigned to visit about half an hour after she’d told Haruno she’d test her.

“I’m sorry, Hokage-sama,” the man said out of the blue, after giving his report. Tsunade furrowed an eyebrow, wondering what the man could have possibly done worth mentioning other than helping her save the economy. “I’ll tell her to stop,” he went on. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Tsunade’s fine, brat. I’m gonna get real tired of this hat real soon if even you use that title,” she said, for ain’t that the truth. It was exhausting to be Hokage-sama all day. “And what are you talking about?” she added after a moment.

“Er, Haruno… Sakura,” he supplied. “I was talking about her. I can tell her to stop.”

Interesting.  He had said her surname first, indicating they weren’t close, then switched to her name, as if wanting to hide that fact. Typical Kakashi, hiding behind smoke screens. 

She decided that, since she was honestly considering taking the girl, she may as well interrogate the man a little. 

“You’re her sensei?” Tsunade asked, eyebrows rising in feigned ignorance. “Hey, I didn’t know that. If I had, I wouldn’t have tortured the poor brat so much.” Not.

“Uh… no. It’s fine.” Kakashi looked awkward. 

Hmm… Closed off as ever.

“Well, since you’re already here, why don’t you tell me a little about her?” Tsunade prompted. “I haven’t gotten around to checking her file yet.”

“I believe she’d do well at the hospital, if her chakra reserves increase with puberty,” Kakashi said. Again, he wasn’t the type to lie, so it indicated he believed Sakura’s chakra control must be decent, at least. He had avoided saying she’d do well as Tsunade’s teacher, however, which made the woman wonder. With Kakashi, it could mean anything or even nothing at all.

Tsunade waited expectantly for a beat, but Kakashi didn’t say anything else.  

“So… Haruno’s on your team? I didn’t know,” she repeated again. Maybe add more of an emotional component to the interaction in order to get him talking… “Man, I should’ve seen this coming. Only team seven members are this nuts.”

It was purposefully an ambiguous statement. Kakashi could interpret it as praise or as a dig. She’d been hoping to glean something from his reaction. 

“Uh.”

Unfortunately, Kakashi’s reaction was as informative as a blank piece of paper.

Great. 

Just as she was about to give up on questioning him, he spoke up again: “Hokage-sa– Tsunade-sama. I really do mean it. My student’s behavior is… well. Just say the word and I’ll get her out of your hair.”

Again, that could mean anything. Kakashi himself hadn’t wanted to bother her while being forced to work nonstop and without returning home for months, so the same likely applied for his students. He didn’t want to be a bother, the brat.   Not that Haruno was that much of a bother anymore. She’d kind of grown on Tsunade – like a foot fungus.

She found herself chuckling. “You sure are worried about my little stalker.”

“Er.”

Again, no reaction.

Goddamn it. 

“You sure are laconic today, Kakashi,” she quipped, hiding her irritation behind a chuckle. “Something tells me you should be catching up on sleep. Don’t worry about Sakura, I’ll handle it,” she added.

“You really don’t need to teach her personally,” he insisted, again, and now that surprised her, since he wasn’t the type to repeat himself. “She’d do well at the hospital. I’ve already asked a friend to put in a good word for her, and the rest should be up to her. And if Sakura-chan wants to return to the civilian ranks after everything that’s happened… well. I wouldn’t blame her.”

He’d put in a good word? He would let her return to the civilian ranks? That would be a blow to his reputation. Was he saying that out of concern for his student or something else? He had called her Sakura-chan this time after calling her Haruno earlier… gods, why was Kakashi so hard to read? He was giving her a headache. 

“You keep saying she’d do well at the hospital – what about as a field medic?” Tsunade asked, deciding to get to the point. Force him to speak up.

“I’d recommend hospital work.”

Okay. That was… not entirely expected. But then again, Kakashi was known for being very protective of the people he cared about. It could just be that he didn’t want his genin getting hurt. Field medic was one of the most dangerous occupations there were.

“…isn’t your team an assault-primed cell?” Tsunade asked. 

“Yes, but that’s more due to the boys’ presence on it. And mine.”

So he didn’t think Haruno was very suited for assault. That still didn’t tell Tsunade anything about whether he thought she should teach the girl  or not. She sighed inwardly. Kakashi and his ways. She didn’t even know why she’d tried to weasel something as drastic as a personal opinion out of him.

“Alright. Well, I’ll test the girl in a week,” Tsunade concluded. “Haruno seemed very confident she’d do well. I can’t tell yet whether it’s founded or not.”

 She had an inclining, though. 

“Uh, I really do mean what I said, though,” Kakashi insisted tiredly. “Please  don’t feel pressured to train her, Tsunade-sama. I know you have a lot going on. If necessary, I can drop out of ANBU to do it.”

He was offering to drop out of ANBU for this kid?

Tsunade shot him a pensive look. Once more, she had no idea what Kakashi was thinking. Like, at all. Was he possessive over his student? Did he simply want to spare Tsunade the trouble? Was he just being polite? Was he like most assault types who looked down on medics – would he want to prevent his student from becoming one?  Or maybe he was embarrassed that Haruno had pestered Tsunade as she had, bathroom trips and all, and that was why he was offering to take over?

To someone as private as Kakashi, Haruno’s intense pestering of the Hokage probably sounded like a nightmare. Tsunade had heard the girl’s behavior was the talk of ANBU these days, too, and some people had started talking shit about Kakashi as a result. 

Tsunade shook her head, wanting to reassure him that it was fine in her case. She liked the girl’s balls.

“We’ll see how it goes,” she said at last. “Not like you can help out much in training the kid to become a medic.” 

Kakashi nodded slowly, and damn, the man really looked dead on his feet. 

“Go get some rest, brat,“Tsunade barked. “I’ve got this.”

One week later, Haruno fucking Sakura forced Tsunade to swallow her words. Tsunade sighed. She’d only had time to start going over the girl’s three exam scrolls after an entire day of back to back surgeries at the hospital. Now it was dusk in Konoha, the sun setting over the Hokage mountain, and Tsunade was walking home, realizing only just how full of medical knowledge and diagrams the scrolls she’d been carrying around since yesterday were. 

Haruno wrote this?

It was honestly mind boggling to think that the girl learned this much in a week. Slightly intimidating, if she were honest. It would’ve taken Tsunade at least a month to memorize so much information, and Tsunade took after Uncle Tobi in more ways than one, even if most people liked to compare her to Hashirama.

She frowned, sitting on Uncle Tobi’s head to go over the scrolls in peace. She could’ve just gone back into the Hokage tower, but she spent so long in that building that she’d grown to hate it.

Going over the info dump Haruno had managed to produce in the span of a day, it was safe to say that these scrolls could easily work as a summarized version of the first year’s textbook. Yes, it was true that some of the book covered topics the biology, herbology and chakra theory courses Tsunade knew Sakura had taken previously, but even subtracting that, she was stumped.

“Curses,” she muttered, kicking her feet lightly. You must be so smug right now, huh, uncle?

She’d always suspected he would’ve tried to get her to take on more students. Uncle Tobi was the type.

Tsunade was not.

She’d  only ever taken Shizune in the first place for him. After all, what was the point of creating an entire new branch of ninjutsu devoted to healing if you didn’t pass it on to somebody? Unlike the techniques her uncle had invented, it would be better for all if her legacy didn’t die with her.  She had devoted her life to the creation of ninjutsu field that could save lives rather than take them.  That was the difference between her and Uncle Tobi, but there would never be a point to her efforts if she didn’t find  a student – hence Shizune.

Shizune had worked hard to learn what Tsunade had to teach and right now, she was even more proficient at toxicology than Tsunade was. Despite that, she couldn’t kid herself: Shizune was still leagues behind her. Tsunade had made her peace with that a long time ago – there was no one that could dream to ever match her. She didn’t think this in arrogance, it was merely a fact. Even so, she couldn’t help but remember something she’d heard her sensei say a long time ago – that a true student would surpass the teacher. Or was it that a true teacher would be surpassed by their student? 

By that admission, she was a shit teacher, though Tsunade had never wanted to be one anyway. Either way, what was done was done now, and Tsunade had never particularly desired to be surpassed anyway. She’d spent a long time getting Shizune as close to her level as was doable and that was that.

Now, she was no longer obligated to pass her knowledge onto anyone, not with how slow-going it was. She was a kage now, with other obligations, other priorities… and no one to tell her what to do. She could teach or not teach or do whatever the hell she pleased. Yet, here she sat, realization slowly dawning on her that she was going to take a student again.

Well, I don’t have two decades to impart my knowledge this time, she thought to herself. I already made an excellent clinician out of Shizune, but she’s no combat medic. Not really. 

With the Akatsuki approaching, that’s exactly what Konoha needed: a combat medic. Well, to be honest, Konoha needed more than that. They’d need a young version of Tsunade to run around and kick the ranks into gear, but that was wishful thinking.

She placed Haruno’s meticulously-written scroll around her neck, like a strange, dangling scarf, both ends fluttering in the breeze as she watched the sunset.

Konoha barely had any combat medics. The prospect of teaching Haruno enough to be a passable medic and combatant while taking care of her Hokage duties seemed impossible. If she couldn’t manage such a thing with Shizune in twenty years, what did that say about her chances of teaching Haruno much of anything in much less time?

She supposed she was a different woman now from the one that had taught Shizune. On the one hand, she was older and more experienced. On the other, all her enthusiasm was gone, replaced by a feeling of dreary, weighed-down exhaustion. Not to mention, she had no time to give the girl.

I can’t teach her like I taught Shizune. That much was clear. But then… how should she approach this? Was it all just pointless, considering the time constraints? Was it wrong of her to have instill such hope into the girl in the first place? The more Tsunade tried to think up lesson plans in her head, the more she thought she’d made a mistake by agreeing to test the girl. No matter how she looked at it, Haruno was in for hell if she did this.

The pace will be intense, with little to no assistance and little to no personal feedback. Poor demon. No, don’t you feel guilty, Tsunade. The girl asked for this. If she can’t handle it, it’s not your fault. The village comes first now.

For some reason, she found herself hoping Haruno Sakura could handle it.

It went without saying Haruno Sakura fucking killed it. Within the first month of teaching her, the girl surpassed and then obliterated Tsunade’s wildest expectations. Not just intelligence-wise, but dedication-wise. Haruno Sakura was simply… a beast. She could handle whatever Tsunade threw at her. The thirst for knowledge her Academy teacher hadn’t mentioned was no simply craving, it was a soul-deep aching for knowledge. The girl behaved as if medical ninjutsu were her sustenance, as if she required these lessons to live. Tsunade… was a little concerned. However, she was also very busy and didn’t have much time to check on the kid, less so with Yamanaka and Hyuga jumping on the pestering the Hokage bandwagon.

Tsunade was less than pleased at having to put up with the Yamanaka bastard and the Hyuga bastard. She had no issue with Ino Yamanaka, but   she had grown to despise her father, especially after reading how he’d conditioned his daughter into dissing Naruto, and she’d never much liked the Hyuga either. Tsunade had only ever agreed to take Sakura because she knew the girl would make for a largely self-sufficient student. These two other brats vying for her attention completely defeated the point.

But Tsunade was no fool. She had seen Sakura in action already and knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the girl was so ridiculously ahead of the other two, so ridiculously motivated, that if she forced them to compete, Sakura would squash the other two like bugs. So Tsunade went about setting up a situation were such a thing would occur. She’d need to make it look like the Hyuga and the Yamanaka at least had a fair chance, even if she’d already decided she’d take Haruno and no one else.

She hadn’t planned on notifying anyone about the tests. Sakura was already ridiculously motivated and Tsunade was sort of worried about the girl. It felt odd to think it when she’d been concerned the girl wouldn’t work hard enough only weeks ago, but Sakura needed to relax a little. She was working way too hard and Tsunade worried she’d burn out. She figured letting the girl know about an imminent threat to her student status was the last thing Haruno’s blood pressure needed, and she was working hard enough anyway that when the test came, Sakura would be ready regardless of whether she knew about it or not.

Unfortunately, Tsunade’s ANBU were meddlers to the core.

“Shiranui. Did you or did you not aid a genin to spy on a classified meeting?” Tsunade hissed dangerously. The man had been smart about it, stealing Haruno’s bag and everything… but Tsunade was still furious.

“She needed to know, Hokage-sama,” Genma said placidly from his rafter. 

Tsunade scowled, displeased. “She did not need to know. She’s already killing herself with her hard work, I don’t want the girl to pop something.”

“Too late for that,” Shizune muttered, coming into the office with a sullen expression. Tsunade shot her a quizzical look, but she merely shook her head tiredly. A Yamanaka she may not be, but she could already guess what had happened. Sakura must have broken down somewhere from the stress. 

“At least one person in this office uses her brain,” she grumbled, giving Shizune an appreciative nod, turning to watch Shiranui shrink guiltily into his corner. The man had at least gotten the message. Tsunade sighed.

As it turned out, she needn’t have worried about the Yamanaka, but the Hyuga was another story. First he blackmailed Tsunade into banning Sakura from studying until the test and then he hired out all the med nin tutors in the village so they would refuse to give the girl lessons and teach his daughter instead.

Hyuga Hinata. Tsunade distinctly remembered she had immediately been rejected as a prospective candidate for team seven because of her soft-hearted disposition. Nothing against her, but like hell was Tsunade having that kid as her student. She wanted Haruno, damn it! Once she was set on a certain course, Tsunade was as stubborn as a mule. It was Haruno or fucking no one.

Unfortunately, with the Hyuga’s treacherous stipulations, Sakura might just be in trouble. She’d have to go for a month without practicing at all while Hinata and Ino went into the test fresh-faced. Not good.

Luckily, back when she’d dealt with all three of the girls, Tsunade had stuck to having Sakura do independent studying while she babied the other two. This meant that even with Sakura gone, she could continue babying the other two girls and ensuring they would learn at a normal pace, which would be too slow for them to catch up. The only real risk was Hinata and how much she’d learn from her tutors.

Tsunade was starting to get worried she’d be saddled with the timid Hyuga for life when Sakura showed her again why she liked her. The girl took the initiative of petitioning for a leave of absence, specifying that it should be unpaid.

Tsunade’s lips twitched into a smile as she read the form that had made its way to her desk. 

“What is it? Tsunade-sama?”

“That brat has put her nerd brain to good work,” Tsunade declared, leaning back in her chair. There was a village law buried in the tenants of what made up a Konoha shinobi somewhere that stated a shinobi on leave that didn’t receive payment was not a shinobi of the village for the duration of the leave. In other words, he was not subject to the Hokage’s authority.

“Tsunade-sama?”

“That girl is a fucking genius. Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Uh…?”

“Shiranui!” Tsunade barked. “Time for your meddling!”

Of course, Haruno Sakura just had to be unlucky enough that the village she went to in Wave Country had an outbreak of the Black Death. Tsunade swore out loud, staring at the girl’s sweaty, pale face as she detailed the situation. The man she’d hauled back was in surgery. Tsunade felt so many things at the same time, it would be hard to say which emotion took priority. 

First she was quite horrified to discover Haruno had the Black Death, that the girl could have easily died and Tsunade would have been none the wiser. Then, after discovering that her immune system had managed to fend off the virus admirably well, she had time to feel inordinately proud about the girl’s bravery in dragging that poor man all the way to Konoha – the outbreak’s patient zero. It was the kind of dedication a medic should show and it confirmed Tsunade had picked her student damn well. Lastly, she felt a keen sense of horror when it occurred to her that due to these circumstances, Sakura had had no chance at all to learn for the test. The Hyuga would win!

Making a snap decision, she decided that she could not leave things up to chance. Tsunade wanted Haruno or nobody, nor more than ever, and she’d damn well get Haruno. Therefore, she devised a scheme to counter the Hyuga’s. It was a gamble, but she told her guards to pack up: they were going on a little trip. And then she, her guards and Haruno hauled ass to Wave Country. Tsunade decided to treat it like a training trip. There was nothing like a crisis situation to really make some lessons sink in, and she wanted to see how Sakura handled herself in this situation anyway. The main reason, however, was that having Sakura be the hero of Wave Country could mean that in the even of Hinata doing better in the test, Tsunade could still play the Black Death Epidemic card to pick Sakura as her student.

She was already composing the justification in her mind.

“…showed bravery in the face of adversity…”

“…handled herself admirably in a medical crisis…”

Yes, it would do. Not to mention, Sakura did truly handle herself admirably. Tsunade had at first only intended for the girl to act as a sort of nurse – helping patients without the use of medical ninjutsu. She’d disappeared for a couple of hours  so as to speed-cure her ANBU guards, as they too, had  fallen ill. Tsunade had known this would happen, so she’d come prepared to heal them fast. They’d relocated to the ceiling area of the hospital, her rather brusquely forcing them to lay on the rafters while she speed-dealt with the disease.

She was so in the zone that she didn’t see the four Sakura’s down there until someone pointed them out. Then she was so surprised she forgot to keep healing her patient. Sakura, ever the overachiever, had apparently decided she’d rather die before failing to complete the tasks Tsunade had given her. When she’d told the girl to prepare a certain time-consuming tincture, to help change certain patient’s bed sheets, reduce their fevers, and administer medicine, Tsunade had said it with the idea that Sakura could do the things progressively, over the course of various hours, and also, not with every patient.

Apparently, her idiot apprentice had understood that she was supposed to do everything, for everyone, and that she was supposed to do it all at once. 

Tsunade stared at the girl in complete shock. The most pressing question was… where did she learn to make shadow clones? Or rather – how could she make three? Unless Tsunade’s sensing abilities had suddenly deteriorated to the point of near blindness, she did not have the reserves for that.

Well, the clones were already made, so it was pointless to go down there and tell Sakura to stop now. Tsunade returned to healing her patient, all the while casting glances at the girl. Definitely something to ponder about.

She thought back to that time as a child, when Danzo had tried to manipulate her into getting Uncle Tobi to tell her the secret to his special shadow clones. The way Danzo had told it, those shadow clones were specifically useful for learning jutsu with a small chakra upkeep.

Tsunade had disliked Danzo at that point, so she’d entertained herself by making up all sorts of fake handsign sequences her uncle had supposedly confided about his secret jutsu until Danzo had gotten annoyed enough to stop asking. She had asked her uncle about it once, though.

“Ne, Tobi-ojii-chan… did you invent a special clone jutsu that you’re keeping a secret?”

If she wasn’t mistaken, that conversation had taken place while they rushed through the lush trees of a Senju forest, him carrying her home on his back after a day studying the plants in the woods. She must’ve been nine or ten.

“A special clone jutsu?” his deep voice said. “What would that be?”

“Well, I don’t know. I just heard it’s good for  learning stuff fast.”

He was silent for a moment. “Where did you hear about that?”

“Danzo was pestering me about getting you to tell me about it a while back.”

“I see. Does he… pester you often then?”

Tsunade scoffed. “As if I’d let that uggo tell me what to do. But I’m curious, though. Why’s that jutsu such a big deal? He pestered me for ages.”

“It is not such a big deal. It’s just the original shadow clone jutsu, which I created when I was around your age in order to increase my productivity.”

“So you invented it so you could have bunch of mini Tobi-jii-chans running around, doing chores,” Tsunade giggled.

“Hm. Laugh if you want, but it became crucial for me. Never mind the hiraishin or all those other jutsu, the shadow clone was the technique that saved my life.”

“Why?” she wondered curiously. It seemed rather lackluster in comparison to his other inventions.

“Well,” uncle replied wryly. “Considering that I was regularly facing adult Uchiha at the time, being able to learn quickly and create new jutsu faster than they could copy and adapt tothem them was key. I could not have kept pace with the sharingan if not for my clones.”

Kept pace with the sharingan?

“Oh. But then it’s a crazy useful jutsu!” she exclaimed, wide-eyed. “Can I learn?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

He huffed. “This is out of the question, Tsuna. I’m not teaching you that.”

“Uncle Tobi…! I’m your heir! Please! Come on!”

“No, Tsuna. My decision is final.”

Of course, Tsunade, being her uncle’s heir, had gone on to abuse soldier pills in much the same way her uncle had abused shadow clones. Pick your poison and all that, she supposed.  If she hadn’t done what she had back then, she’d have never managed to come up with the branch known as medical ninjutsu in time to make a difference for  the third shinobi war, which would likely mean Konoha wouldn’t exist today. She understood where her uncle was coming from in denying her request, but she also didn’t regret ignoring his wishes. Sometimes, sacrifices had to be made.

This was the reason why Tsunade decided not to interfere with Sakura’s clone (and possible soldier pill) abuse too much. Sure, she told Shizune to monitor how many pills the girl got her hands off and she also told Sakura to go easy on the clones, but to be honest, all the great ones had made sacrifices. Now Sakura’s progress made more sense. Without her clones, she wouldn’t have gotten the spot as Tsunade’s student. It would be hypocritical, not to mention unfair, to prohibit the girl from abusing a loophole she herself had taken full advantage of in her youth.

So Tsunade let Sakura make her shadow clones and used the epidemic as a chance to teach her some real chakra-based medical ninjutsu. The girl clearly had the control for it if she could make yin-based shadow clones.

Upon returning home, it turned out that the whole ordeal with the Black Death hadn’t even been necessary to ensure she’d keep Sakura. Tsunade was delighted to break her arm and let Sakura heal it. She didn’t even have to cheat herself to ensure Sakura’s victory was absolute. Hyuga and co were upset, but Tsunade was so damn pleased, she actually felt happy that day. So happy, that she got inordinately drunk and told her ANBU to go bother someone else before locking herself in her uncle’s old lab.

She wanted to tell someone about her student, and how proud she was, and all the shit the poor kid (and Tsunade) had to get through just to make it here, but it felt wrong to go bragging to Shizune, and Tsunade… didn’t have anyone else.

She should not have allowed herself to get this drunk, evidently. She blanked out on a part of the evening, but she did distinctly remember waking up to discover herself drooling on a medical table, her uncle’s unimpressed expression hovering above her. 

Edo tensei. No… Don’t tell me…

Tsunade groaned loudly and looked away. Then chanced another glance at him. He wasn’t going away.

“Ugh… no.”

She couldn’t believe she’d done it. She’d summoned him. What was wrong with her…? She’d made it this long without calling him, and now was when she finally caved? Because her student won some contest?

Tsunade groaned again. For years, she’d been terrified of calling her uncle.  Back when she was on the run, it was out of shame. She’d known she was a sorry excuse of the woman he’d raised her to be, wasting her life away on betting houses and alcohol. Of course she hadn’t called him. Then, after the Konoha crush and her ascension to kage, she had felt so guilty that the thought of talking to him made her physically ill.

Her uncle had not shown the edo tensei to a single soul in his life. Not a single soul except for her.

He had told her, time and time again, how important it was that the technique remain a secret. No one could know.

Tsunade had respected him too much to ever dare show anyone… except for one person. In a night of teenage idiocy, wanting to impress her best friend and fellow nerd, former crush, and teammate, Tsunade had shown the edo tense to the one person who absolutely should have never seen that jutsu in action: Orochimaru.

She’d never told her uncle.

What must it have felt like for him, to be woken from his ‘eternal’ rest, by her teammate, and then to be forced to destroy the village that he had worked so hard to get off the ground with his own jutsu and in an attempt to murder his own student?

Tsunade didn’t even want to think about what he must have felt. As a newly instated kage with no one to look to for guidance, calling her uncle would have been the sensible thing to do. He was the only option – both her sensei and the yondaime had been taken by the shinigami, and Tsunade wasn’t about to go summoning her grandfather.

But the idea of having to look her uncle in the eye after the way she’d failed him filled her with such dread that she had rather slaved away hours upon hours, trying to figure everything out by herself and without help. The idea of how disappointed he must be in her for letting his most precious secret slip… or worse, how he might be disappointed in himself for confiding in her… well, it was crushing. She could not deal with this notion. She’d much rather face Orochimaru himself than deal with Uncle Tobi’s disappointed expression. 

But now all of that effort to avoid him was for nothing, because she’d summoned him anyway.

And to think she’d care so much about the opinion of a man she’d once feared enough to tremble in her bed, awake for hours until sunrise, back when she had been a child…

To be fair, she hadn’t known her uncle much at that point. The first few years of her life were a blur and hard to remember, but Tsunade did know she had spent them alongside Nawaki, being pampered and raised like a princess by her grandmother – the Uzumaki princess – and her grandfather – the god of shinobi. For some reason, Tsunade was not allowed to see her mother, but that hadn’t really worried her much at that age. She’d had Mito to act as a sort of mother, and the Shodaime to be a strange mix of father and irresponsible, goofy older brother.

She could not remember a time before the Second Shinobi War, as it had broken out on the day of her birth. She could, however, remember the day of Hashirama’s passing clearly, the day of Tobirama’s ascension… but before those, she still remembered, vaguely, the first time she’d met Tobirama.

It had transpired on her and Nawaki’s fifth birthday. They’d been in the middle of deserts when a tall, white-haired man appeared through the door. He was clean, but dressed in armor, even facial armor. The room immediately fell silent, Nawaki inching behind the cake as if trying to hide, Tsunade glancing around in confusion.

“Who’s that?” she blurted out in the sudden quiet.

“That’s… your Uncle Tobi,” Hashirama said, standing to his feet with unnatural quietness. Then he advanced towards the man, instead of asking for him to sit. The man – her Uncle Tobi – glanced at him with a serious, unfriendly expression. Hashirama greeted him jovially, but didn’t sling an arm around his back like he did with other acquaintances. They disappeared out of the door, and Tsunade did not see her Uncle Tobi again that day.

She did overhear her grandparents discussing him, though.

“What was he doing here?”

“I don’t know. He returned early from his mission.”

“I thought he was supposed to be gone for another month.”

“Well…” An uncomfortable chuckle. “You know my brother. Bit of an overachiever.”

“And where is he now?”

“Don’t worry. I gave him another assignment.”

A pause. 

“What is it? Mito, if something’s bothering you, you can tell me.”

“It’s just… do you think… why do you think he showed up at the kid’s birthday? Do you think… should we have let him stay?”

A short huff. “Trust me, my brother’s not fond of kids. He probably didn’t even know it was their birthday. Don’t worry, Mito.”

“I know – it’s just… I know the elders think it’s best for him to be sent away… but he looked like he was in a really bad mood… I’m a sensor too, you know.”

“He always looks constipated, so trust me, that doesn’t mean much. He was complaining about something to do with the front. Apparently, the Kumo twins are causing trouble at the border again.”

“Hashirama… are you sure?” Another pause. “Are you hiding something from me? You’re hiding something.”

“No. Nothing. Mito, you know I tell you everything.”

“Then why were you so tense earlier today?”

“It’s just… well. I don’t want to worry you. But the elders think… you know, that he might try to make a power grab.”

“Tobirama?”

“Yes… And I don’t… I don’t want to believe them, but honestly, I’m not sure what to think anymore. On the one hand, he’s my brother, but on the other… the things he’s done… I don’t recognize him anymore. He killed Izuna. He’s so callous. He has no friends, no wife, no nothing. My brother has turned into stranger. He has been for a long time, you know that. Perpetually gone, or if not,  conducting those despicable experiments of his, shut in some lab. If not there, he’s at the front.”

Tsunade had been an intelligent child, and she may not have understood everything, but she understood enough. 

She remembered crawling into Hashirama’s sick bed and clutching onto his shirt, refusing to leave. He was weak and slept for most of the time she visited at that point, and she'd refused to leave his bedside even with the adults often kicking her out of the room to talk business. Perhaps this state of grogginess was the reason why he didn’t notice his granddaughter nestled beneath the blankets on that day. Tsunade had been sleeping next to him,  burrowed somewhere close to his thigh, covered in a nest of blankets, when adult voices had woken her up.

“It’s time. We must pick a new kage.”

That was one of the geezers in the clan, she didn’t remember his name.

“I know,” Hashirama breathed raspily.

“Have you made your choice then, dear?” That was Mito.

“I have,” her grandfather spoke, coughing, breaths rattling and harsh. “But you’re not going to like it.”

“Speak then. Who is it? Some Uchiha, am I right?” another elder said with distaste. “We of the council have talked, and we agree that an Uchiha is acceptable, as long as–”

“No. No, it’s not an Uchiha,” Hashirama interrupted. “The one… I have in mind is… Tobi.”

He breathed the last word so quietly, Tsunade had to strain to hear him. The room went completely silent.

“Tobi – Tobirama?” someone asked in a hush. “Your – that Tobirama?”

“Who else?”  Hashirama asked. 

“You cannot be serious!” the elder from earlier exclaimed.

“Why him?”

“No, absolutely not–!”

A cacophony of loud voices filled the room, and for a time, it was bathed in chaos. Finally, Mito forced them all to become silence again, reminding them of her husband’s condition.

“Why… why him, Hokage-sama?” a male voice questioned in the sudden quiet. “You said yourself he’s not… he’s…. well. I don’t think we need to go into it, but you must know that we can’t trust him to maintain the peace, Hashirama-sama.”

Hashirama coughed again. “No. Perhaps not… but listen to me, Honenuki. You know as well as I do about the state of the village finances. We’re going to war and I’m about to die, and our coffers look emptier than that river bed we played in as children. At this rate, there will be no village left come next summer. I cannot… Konoha is my dream. I cannot allow it to die like this.”

“But shodai-sama! Why him? What does he have to do with anything?!” someone else exclaimed.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” her grandfather breathed. “Tobi… I have a feeling he might be able to…” His voice faded, the rest of his statement inaudible.

“He’s asleep,” Mito said.  A pause. “Still has a pulse.”

Once more, a discussion broke out.

“I’ve never seen anyone as uptight about money as that man–” someone said. “Tobirama may be a vengeance-driven demon, but at this rate, that’s what the village needs.”

“You may be right, Akihito. I too believe Tobirama may be our best bet… in times of war, a strong leader is imperative, and no one can deny the mention of the white demon is enough to instill fear into the hearts–”

More muttering.

“God knows an Uchiha wouldn’t know the first thing about finance-keeping anyway…”

“Yes, but surely there is a better candidate–”

“Is there, though? He’s a demon of war, exactly what we need to teach Kumo a lesson–”

“But what will come afterward?”

“We’ll be lucky if there is an after–”

“At least if he’s in power, he won’t make a power grab–”

The adults kept arguing.

Meanwhile, Tsunade felt someone sit on the bed next to her, and then grandma’s voice came again, this time closer, more panicked. “Everyone outside!”

“Mito! Mito – what’s happening?!”

“He’s fading, Honenuki. I want time alone with him!”

“No! He’s the Hokage first, your husband second. Tell us what to do, Hashirama-sama!”

Voices clamored all around, and Tsunade lay there and wanted to cry. In the chaos, her grandfather was shaken awake again. The dying kage  began to speak, and all held their breaths, the noise in the bedroom falling to a hush.

“My decision… is final. I, Senju Hashirama, first Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato, do appoint… my younger brother… Tobirama as my heir… head of the Senju clan and… second Hokage… of this village.”

His voice faded, and the clamoring voices rose again.

“Hashirama! Oh, Hashi! Say something–!”

“You cannot be serious–”

“The wraith, his successor? No. No,  I cannot–”

“Hashirama, please, my love, don’t– you can’t–”

“Someone send out an envoy! The council must be notified at once!”

“Time of death, two in the afternoon. May our shodaime rest in peace.”

“–make that two! Tobirama must be brought back as well!”

“How? Who even knows where that man is?”

“Fuck – The shodai’s dead!”

“What the fuck do we do now?!”

“Hell if I know! The wraith doesn’t spend any time in the village–!”

“He’s dead.”

“Dead.”

Dead. Dead. Dead.

That was around the time Tsunade started bawl her eyes out. The look on Mito’s face when she’d discovered her clutching the corpse’s leg was one she’d never be able to forget.

The second time Tsunade laid eyes on Tobirama was a week and a day after her grandfather’s death. She was seven years old by that point, a young Academy student and the princess of the Senju. She’d been invited over to enough Auntie’s tea parties by that point that she’d heard plenty enough about the demon of the Senju to have formed an opinion. The adults disliked and feared him. He was known for being blood-thirsty, anti-Uchiha, anti-peace and anti-Konoha. No one understood how the shodai could have appointed his younger brother as his successor. Her grandfather had never really badmouthed Tobirama the way the others did, but he would fall silent when the topic of his brother came up.

Some thought Tobirama had killed him and then ensnared his mind to become his successor. No one wanted him to lead, but no one dared to tell him.

He appeared in the dining room in a parody of the last time, during her fifth birthday. This time, the adults welcomed him in with silted smiles and offered him a seat. Nawaki hid behind Tsunade’s chair instead of the cake. Noticing her brother’s mood, Tsunade forced him to eat quickly so that they could excuse themselves just as quickly from the table. The meal was awkward and tasted like ash, the silence now that grandpa wasn’t around much too jarring. 

For some reason, in the absence of her grandpa, the adults looked to her to make conversation. 

“How’s the Academy, Tsunade-chan?” an Aunty asked. “Why don’t you tell us a little about your classes! I’m sure Uncle Tobi is curious as well.”

Tsunade felt his demonic red eyes boring into her. She lowered her gaze to her food.

“School’s fine. I’m the best. Me and Nawaki are friends with everyone.”

Actually, school was fine up until grandpa died and everyone kept giving her looks and not talking about it or talking only about it. Other kids were asking her too many questions, teachers treating her like she was made of glass or asking uncomfortable things about her family… and everyone wanted to know about her uncle.

Then, Tobirama spoke.

“Nawaki and I.”

Tsunade nearly jerked, staring at him with wide, horrified eyes. “W-w-what?”

“Nawaki and I,” he repeated in his deep, intimidating voice. “Mind your grammar.”

Tsunade took a deep breath, reigning her stupid stutter in. “Right. Nawaki and I. Everyone likes us, whatever,” she continued, unfazed, regaining her traction. “The other day, we had a pop quiz and I scored pretty well.”

“What did you get, Tsunade-chan?”

“I got ninety five points – and I didn’t even study.”

She noticed her uncle frowning again and studiously avoided his red eyes; continued poking at her plate.

“What about you, Nawa-chan?”

Her brother was a stuttering mess, barely managing to answer. After listening to the torture for a while, Tsunade got up.

“We’re done eating, granny. Can we go?”

She grabbed Nawaki’s hand, fully intending on dismissing herself, half-full plates still on the table, when grandma did something she ordinarily never would and put her foot down.

“You are not getting up until the meal is done, young lady. Return to the table.”

“Why should I have to?” she yelled angrily, squeezing Nawaki’s hand. “You’ve never forced me before!”

“Tsunade, I will not have this right now! Back to the table.”

“Bleh–!” Tsunade stuck her tongue out at her. “Make me.”

They went back and forth, making a spectacle out of themselves. At some point, Tsunade may or may not have ended up bawling and she may or may not have thrown some toy at grandma’s head with enough force to make a dent in the wall. She may or may not then have thrown herself to the carpet when the toy didn't work, screaming about how nothing was like this when grandpa was here! and I hate you!

Then she was sent to her room to reflect on her behavior. 

Nawaki joined her immediately, trotting in after her like a lost puppy. They sat silently for the rest of the evening, Tsunade doing her homework obstinately while her brother peered over her shoulder.

She squeezed the pen in her hand so hard that it popped and broke. This was all her uncle’s fault.

After a week of cohabitation and a week of enduring her classmates questions about the new Hokage, things changed for the worse. 

“Kids…” Mito said hesitantly, crouching to be at eye-level with them. “Look, I know you won’t like this, but we’re going to have to separate you.”

“What?!” Tsunade burst out. Immediately, she turned to glare at uncle Tobirama was standing across from her, arms crossed, looking at some point in the distance. This was his fault! She just knew it. 

“Why?” Nawaki asked. He looked close to tears.

“Well, with Hashi gone, it’s not so safe at the village anymore, you know. We can’t risk anything happening to the two of you at the same time…”

“So… so what happens then?” Tsunade asked. “Who gets to stay with you in Konoha?”

Mito looked pained. “Actually… I will be returning to Uzu.”

“So then, the one who stays in Konoha will be stuck with…?”

Tsunade’s eyes betrayed her, flitting over to uncle Tobirama. With him? No way. This had to be a joke, right?

“…with Aunty Kaori, right?” Tsunade completed, smiling up at Mito hopefully.

Mito didn’t return it. “Aunty Kaori won’t be able to protect you as well as your Uncle Tobi can, Tsunade-chan…”

No. Not him. Not the wraith. “But he’s the Hokage! I’m sure uncle is too busy to be protecting anybody!” Tsunade exclaimed. 

“No, Tsunade. This has already been decided.”

She stared at Mito – basically her mom – her eyes watering with tears.

Tsunade was… she was very close to Mito. Had always been – she was the one who always pestered her to learn about fuinjutsu and the Uzumaki ways, the one who forced Mito into doing dance recitals with her, the one… the more vocal one. She and Mito were both girls and she was the Senju sweetheart; Nawaki was a boy and he’d never learned about sealing. What would happen now was obvious, thus. Mito wasn’t saying it, but… Tsunade knew that she’d be the one who got to Uzu. She’d always wanted to visit, and she was sick of her stupid Academy classmates anyway.

But Nawaki… She turned to glance back at her brother, wide-eyed. 

“Well, what’s it gonna be?” Mito crouched next to Nawaki. “Nawa-chan, what do you think? Do you want to stay with Uncle Tobi?”

Tsunade stared at the pair of them in horror, grandma looking pained, her brother too intimidated by said uncle’s presence to dare shake his head. He was clearly terrified but already resigned to his fate.

Nawaki was going to be foisted off on the Senju demon?

Tsunade could just see it: him getting stuck with uncle Tobirama because he was a boy, so it made sense. Tsunade made a snap decision then. Without allowing herself to think more about it, she made a beeline for the demon and wrapped her arms around his middle.

“I want to stay with Uncle Tobi!” she shouted loudly. 

Her declaration was met by absolute silence. Mito was staring at her with dismay, one of her hands covering her mouth. Nawaki looked torn between relief and horror. Tobirama had gone stiff as a dead cat.

With this simple act, Tsunade sealed her future.

Uncle Tobi lived in the Hokage tower, so she had to move out of the compound to go live with him. He was working all day, so she barely saw him, but when she did, it was just the two of them, in the very large, empty rooms of the manor, and it was hard to stay brave then. Tsunade tried very hard to be brave for Nawaki. In the Academy, the continuous questions had gotten worse because everyone knew about her living with the Hokage now, and everyone wanted something from her, it seemed.

At ‘home’, the food sucked. Tsunade had always been a good eater, but her appetite had made a swift exit from her life after her grandfather had died, and Tobirama’s awful cooking didn’t help. Well, it wasn’t awful, it was just dull and repetitive. They were always eating rice, rice, rice, with little variation. Tsunade was used to grand, plentiful dinners with pretty fruits and exotic sauces and so much choice and variety that there was always food left for if she wanted to take a snack to her aunties or her friends at school.

Tobirama just ate… rice. Rice with something, but usually he was very clinical about it. Sometimes there were peas. She dared not complain about the food, but he seemed to catch on to the fact that she hated it anyway. Hated him.

He tried making her more stuff while he stuck with his rice. It was still awful and he was a terrible cook, and Tsunade still hated him.

Apparently, her uncle’s desire to force his horrible cooking  on her wasn’t personal – he was forcing the whole village to put up with his rice and peas obsession. Tsunade’s classmates started asking her about it.

“We don’t get nothing but rice anymore! What is wrong with your uncle?”

“As if I know.”

“You should talk to him. He’ll listen to you.”

“No he won’t.”

“Yeah, he will! You’re the Senju princess. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I want a nice meal!”

“Well, then get your mom to catch a fish or something!” Tsunade snapped. “Why are you looking at me?”

“I want cake.”

"This isn't my fault!"

"You're so selfish, Tsunade!"

Tsunade tried skipping classes. Tried, because her first attempt was a bust and she never dared to do it again. Only a few minutes after skipping her class of the day, her stupid uncle himself showed up, giving her such a scare that she probably woke up half the forest and nearly fell from her tree.

“Tsunade. What are you doing out of class,” he said in that monotonous voice of his.

“Uncle. What are you doing out of your office,” she mocked him.

He sighed, shooting her an unreadable look. Then he glanced around, shifting in place slightly on his crouch on the tree branch. He was probably wondering how she got up so high.

“Are you aware of tree walking?”

“A little bit,” Tsunade lied. To be honest, her aunties always said it was too dangerous for a girl to try, even though she wanted to. She had just climbed up through sheer arm strength, using kunai as footholds.

“I will teach you how to tree-walk then,” her uncle decided, his eyes landing on the various scratches she’d inflicted upon the bark. “Don’t attempt this again.”

Tsunade resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Somehow, learning tree walking from him was suddenly not at all exciting.

“I thought I was supposed to go back to class.”

“And you are. I meant after school. You’re not allowed to climb any trees until you’ve learned.”

She stuck out her tongue at him. Stupid demon. “You’re not the boss of me! I can climb whatever I want.”

“I am your–” he hesitated, “–your Hokage. You will listen to me.”

“As if that counts for anything! You’re not grandpa! No one even wants you to be Hokage!”

Something dark crossed his eyes then. He ducked from her gaze, and she immediately regretted her spiteful words, spoken in anger and grief over her situation. Provoking the demon wraith was stupid. She was stupid.

“I’m sorry,” she said hastily. “I didn’t mean that.”

Uncle Tobi shifted in place so that he was giving her his back. “Get on,” he said simply, in lieu of a reply. His voice was trembling. Tsunade was scared, then. Very scared.  But she also was determined not to be scared, so she hesitantly ended up climbing on his back. 

The subsequent dash back to school was frighteningly fast, so sudden and shocking that she nearly puked all over her uncle. Then, worse yet, he marched right into the classroom and deposited her in her chair, much to her horror and her class’ open-mouthed gawking.  With a simple nod at the lot of them, her uncle turned and disappeared as if he’d never been there. Like a wraith.

Tsunade spent the rest of the day fearing what was going to happen when she was alone with him again, terrified the Senju demon would finally have enough of her sharp tongue and do something. Nothing of the sort really happened. When she walked out of class and the short trek to the tower, her uncle wasn’t there. Scared she might incur his wrath again by not learning tree walking, Tsunade went to the backyard to practice. She dragged a bunch of pillows outside and got started.

Her uncle found her later – and got even madder at her.

“What did I tell you?” He raised his voice this time. “No climbing anything until you can tree walk!”

This time she was so intimidated, she didn’t dare say anything to that. Somehow, this made him deflate.

“Come, I will show you how.”

She spent the entire tree-climbing session too scared to really concentrate, feeling like her uncle was about to explode at her for being shit at it. He was probably itching to get back to his office or whatever. When it was finally dinner time and he said they should go back inside, she was so relieved, she could have cried. Dinner was spent in silence, as usual. Tsunade spent it thinking of her brother and Mito and her grandpa and his jokes.

The next day, after the Academy, it was the same thing. And then the next. And the next. She eventually learned tree-walking and she was so happy… she  got her evenings to herself after that.

She chose to spend them alone. The loss of her grandpa and brother and grandma still stung, and everyone still asked questions. She couldn’t ditch the Academy, but she sure didn't do her homework anymore, since the teacher wouldn’t tell on her anyway, what was the point? It wasn’t like anyone was around to care.

Tsunade spent her free time gambling with her Aunties like grandpa had taught her. Tobirama always showed up to pick her up at the end of the evening, no matter how hard she tried to visit with someone somewhere he couldn’t find her.

Eventually, her Academy teacher proved to be a treacherous liar. In his report card, he had written that he was ‘concerned’ over Tsunade-hime’s well-being because she had stopped participating in class and doing her homework. Tsunade did not need her uncle seeing that, so she soaked the corner of the report card detailing the teacher’s notes in water so that that part wouldn’t be visible. Then she went crying to one of her aunties about having dropped a glass on a part of the report, and could aunty help her forge a new one? She was scared of making Uncle Tobi mad at her clumsiness... All the grades were still there, see!

Her aunty was too elated with Tsunade’s row of clean A+ scores to glance at the sad little soaked corner. Tsunade handed her report card to her uncle that night fearlessly.

“Here you go, uncle,” she said, slipping it over the large dinner table to him. “I hope this pleases you.” She couldn’t get the slightly malevolent, pleased edge out of her tone.

Taking the freshly forged piece of paper, her uncle narrowed his eyes at her tone, but of course he couldn’t even begin to guess what. He carefully unfolded  the report card and scanned its contents with the expression he usually saved for S-ranked documents. Finally, he glanced  up at her.

“Good job, Tsunade,” he said from across the table. “I’m proud.”

Sure you are.

Tsunade ignored him and continued to eat the stupid rice he’d made.

Somehow, the next day, he found out about her ruse. They were having one of their silent, awful dinners again when he spoke up.

“I know about your report card.”

The gravity of his tone had her wanting to shrink in her seat. The Senju princess didn't shrink; wasn’t going to look scared of the white demon, even if she kind of was.

“What about it?” she asked with a shrug. “I thought you were proud.”

He sighed again. “What is the point of pretending? We are both aware of your trick, Tsunade.” He glanced down at something in his hand. “Your teacher sounds worried.”

“My teacher is dumb.”

“The concern is founded,” he insisted, red eyes returning to her.

“No it’s not!” She got up, moving to dump her clean plate in the kitchen sink. He followed her out of the dinning room.

“Tsunade–”

She turned angrily. “So what if I didn’t do some stupid homework? Who even cares! You?”

That seemed to… affect him, for some reason. He froze on the door-swell. After a moment, his brain seemed to reboot.

“You will do your homework from now on. I will check it every day. You will also give me a run down of the main points covered in class, understood?”

Tsunade stared at him. Somehow, she was just… tired.

“Don’t you have better things to do, being the Hokage and all?”

He didn’t reply to that. “We may as well start now,” her uncle muttered instead. “What is your homework for tomorrow?”

Her life progressed sluggishly like this. Every day, after school, Tsunade was bid to the Hokage’s office and would do her homework in a desk next to his. No one that came in ever looked at her, almost as if they couldn’t see her. In his spare moments, her uncle would look over her homework and explain things. She didn’t like feeling stupid, so she started reading her books so he wouldn’t have to explain things. She still didn’t pay any attention in class, though.

This frustrated him to no end.

“So what did you do during first period?”

“I told you, I don't remember. What’s the point, anyway? I can just read about it later.”

“You must pay attention, Tsunade. What is the point of school if you don’t?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. Weren’t you the one who came up with the stupid civilian Academy? Grandpa was right, it’s stupid and I don’t know why you forced him to build it!”

He sighed again.

“What about recess?”

“What about it?” she bit out.

“What did you do during recess?”

“What do you care?”

In fact, during recess she now hid up in a tree, utilizing her new chakra abilities to the max in order to avoid her classmates. They’d gone from mild complaints about the new food rationing policies to outright glaring at her and blaming her for everything her stupid uncle did. As if Tsunade was happy eating rice all day!

She told them that, but they called her a liar. The Senju princess surely had the sweetest fruits and freshest salmon for every meal. As if. Her uncle hated her, so why would he bother getting her any of that?

Her relationship with him progressed in such a manner. In her letters to grandma and Nawaki, Tsunade read about how many friends her brother was making in Uzu. Apparently, the Uzumaki’s outgoing nature was great in getting him to come out of his shell.

She lied and wrote back that everything was great  in Konoha, like always, and when are you visiting?

Tsunade learned to keep her own company now that she was living with her uncle. She would explore the Hokage tower alone and read books alone and look out of the window alone. It almost felt like she was alone even when she ate in that big dinning room with uncle because they rarely spoke and he never touched her or smiled. 

It was on one of these days that Tsunade decided to go exploring the cellar. Uncle was away on some trip for the war. He had left a slew of guards protecting her, but Tsunade had given them the slip. She’d gotten good at making shadow clones from watching uncle do it. She could only make one, but it was enough, if she timed it well.

She enjoyed exploring on her own. It was something to do that made her feel like she was annoying her uncle in some invisible way and it gave her things to write about in her letters to Nawaki that weren’t ‘the only people I talk to anymore are the aunties’. The cellar was damp and cool but rather boring. Not much to write in her letter about. She poked and prodded here and there, walking on the ceiling and planting some detection seals in the area she’d sneakily made earlier.

Suddenly, one of the tags started glowing. Bingo! At last, something to put in her letter. Tsunade lifted the tag and a seal was now beneath it. She pressed chakra into the seal, and a door appeared on the other side of the room. Pretty cool. There had been no genjutsu, so how did it just… appear? Tsunade carefully walked up to it. It was unlocked. On the other side, there was hidden staircase. Jackpot. Grinning in excitement, she closed the door behind her and tiptoed down, step by step by step…

She couldn’t see anything in the dark, but suddenly, she ran into something. Something hard. Carefully, she fumbled with a couple of matchsticks, finally managing to get one going after much back and forth.

The small flame set the room aglow and she saw the object she’d bumped into. It was yet another door, though this was closer to a closet door. She was in a small, strange room, with jutsu scrolls everywhere and paint brushes. It looked kind of boring, but she was curious about the closet. There was a seal on the door, strange but interesting-looking. Very large and cool. It looked even more complicated than the ones she used to see grandma making for the war.

She looked at it, trying to summon what grandma had taught her to her brain. Tsunade had learned quite a lot about seals, ever eager to live up to her reputation as the Senju princess and prodigy. 

She looked at this seal now and discerned that it was non-explosive, non-storage, non-anything she was familiar with. One character stood out in the middle, and that was ‘life’. She wondered what such a seal could be for. It sounded nice.

She was fairly sure the seal wasn’t going to do anything crazy, so she stuck her hand out and placed her palm on the center.

Then she channeled chakra into it, the way grandma had shown her. 

The closet door creaked open. Tsunade jumped back with a start. Someone was in there?!

“Aniki?” a voice asked.

Tsunade backtracked hastily, but it was now too late. The door was open now and a tiny, pale hand reached out, wrapping around the handle. She nearly screamed.

Then, a boy climbed out of the closet, marching into the empty room with soft footsteps. He was followed by another shorter boy, both looking strangely sleepy and confused.

“Aniki?”  said one of them again.

For some reason, both their eyes… the white around their eyes was black. She squinted at them, wondering if it was a tattoo or a clan thing, but she couldn’t see them well in the near darkness. 

“You… You’re not aniki,” the taller brunette noted, stepping closer. “Who are you?”

How did he not know that? She stared at him warily. “I’m Tsunade. Senju Tsunade.”

“Oh! I’m a Senju too. My name’s Kawarama, and that’s Itama.” The brunette grinned happily.  Tsunade hesitantly returned the smile, eyeing the two boys. She was torn between confusion, surprise, and excitement. There were other children in the tower she could play with? She hadn’t known there were any Senju close to her age.

Kawarama a bit older than her, while the kid he’d nodded at was a little younger. 

“Huh. I’ve never seen you around,” Tsunade noted, looking at the kids critically. “Don’t you go to the Academy?”

“Um… no, not really. What’s that?” 

Huh? Did they grow up under a rock? Well, all the better for her.

“You’re lucky your parents don’t make you.” Tsunade huffed. “I have to go to show ‘village unity’ or whatever. It’s so dumb. A lot of other clan kids don’t have to go, why do I have to?”

“It sounds fun, though,” Kawarama said. “We… we don’t… We only have each other,” he finished after a moment. “And Aniki.”

“Well, where’s your aniki?”

“I’m not sure.”

Tsunade frowned, then turned to eye the younger kid. With his shyness, he reminded her of her brother.

“Hey, um… Itama, right? What about you? What were you up to down here?”

“Um…”

“Don’t mind him.” Kawarama placed a hand on Itama’s bony little shoulder. “He’ll open up eventually. We just… chill here. What about you?”

“I was exploring. I’m practicing my infiltration skills.”

“Oh, that sounds neat,” Itama – piped up shyly. Tsunade turned to beam at him, counting it as a win.

For some reason, these two kids didn’t seem to care that she was living with uncle. There were so few Senju children, and out of those, none were close to her age. No one wanted to have kids during a war… except Tsunade’s mom, who decided to give birth the day it started.

“So what’s the Academy like? Maybe we could ask aniki to sign us up?”

“No way. Don’t do it!”

“Why not?” Itama piped up.

“It’s just…” No. They’d be influenced by the others and never talk to her again. “You’d hate it, trust me!  It’s so boring there–”

Tsunade spent the next couple of days talking with the kids in the closet. They’d decided to keep meeting in the secret room because it was cool.

Tsunade felt happy for the first time in a long while. Her friends were nice. Tsunade invited them over for lunch at the tower, since no one was around. They snuck a bunch of rice and, having heard that mochi were made out of rice, took it upon themselves to try to make some by punching a bunch of rice into a bowl. It… didn’t really work out so well, but it was so fun.

Tsunade was howling with laughter at something Kawarama had said when he appeared behind her. He said nothing, but somehow she felt his oppressive presence without the need for words. Itama and Kawarama both fell silent as well, staring at him. 

“A-aniki?” Kawarama stuttered.

Tsunade turned, slowly, hesitantly…

…only for her eyes to land on Tobirama, who  was standing there, by the door, his expression one she’d never seen before.

Now, as she lay on the old research table, half drunk still, an adult and a Hokage, Tsunade remembered that moment and was swept up in grief. The memories of that time jumbled together with her guilt over the Konoha massacre  (her fault, her fault, her fault) and her hangover, and the fact that her uncle was right there...

She cursed inwardly. Her cheeks felt pasty, as if she’d been crying. She had a crick in her neck. Her youth jutsu had broken, and she must look more unsightly than she had in years. And there her uncle stood, his sclera black as night, his posture and expression achingly familiar.

Tsunade’s mouth went dry. “Uncle.”

“Good morning, Tsuna.”

Tobirama was still clad in the battle armor he had died in, the battle armor he had desecrated his beloved village in under Orochimaru’s command. Tsunade couldn’t meet his eye. To buy time, she stood up from the lab table she must have passed out on in her drunken stupor and looked around the lab – anywhere but at him.
“What… what are you doing here?” she managed. A redundant question if there ever was any.

“You called me,” Tobirama said simply, leaning against the lab table as he watched her. Tsunade hastily went through the handsigns of her youth jutsu, trying to compose herself.

Her uncle snorted from somewhere behind her. “I see all those hours grilling fuinjutsu into you were well spent.”

She fumbled in place, not knowing what to say. Of course he didn’t know about her youth jutsu. She hadn’t needed it back then. “What’s it to you?” she asked defensively, finger-combing her matted hair.

“Nothing,” he said unconvincingly. "I was just surprised, that's all."

"Surprised my ass."

"Language."

Tsunade turned to eye him from her peripherals. "I'm not a child anymore, uncle. Nor was I when you died."

He sighed, saying nothing. She went back to fidgeting with a scroll she’d been working on. They were silent for a moment.

Eventually, she spoke up again, still staring at the desk full of lab research. “It’s not just for vanity, you know? I don’t think my wrinkles would inspire anyone to follow me... I need that jutsu to lead as much as you needed your shadow clones.”

“Ah, yes. You are the Hokage now,” he mused.

Tsunade frowned, wiping her face with the back of her wrist discretely. Why had she been crying earlier? What happened while she was drunk off her ass? What did they talk about?

Man up, Tsunade. Man up one more time.

She finally turned to face him. “Uncle…" she began tentatively. "What happened yesterday? What did we talk about?”

Her uncle turned to look at her, turning from his inspection of the knickknacks on her cupboard.  Finally both were facing each other, rather than their respective research tables.

“I believe you were babbling about a student of yours," Tobirama said softly. "Something about breaking your arm on purpose?” There was some humor in his voice.

"I... see."

She didn’t. Tsunade couldn't understand why he wasn’t mad. Surely this... this was crossing a line. Surely not even he could forgive what she'd done. She’d… the edo tensei… why wasn’t he mentioning it at all?

"You sounded proud," her uncle added.

“Ah,” was all she replied, toneless. “Yes, my student. I remember… I wanted to tell you about her when I started drinking.”

“I am surprised you decided to take another," Tobirama commented. "Orochimaru took it upon himself to inform me you took on only one apprentice many years ago and refused all others. A kunoichi named Shizune.”

Tsunade stiffened. “Orochimaru did what? Where did he… when…? No. No, don’t tell me–”

She stared at her uncle with unbridled horror. No. But, of course, she should’ve guessed that Orochimaru wouldn’t just limit to calling on her uncle to race Konoha to the ground. She stared at him, no knowing what to say. How long had that fucking snake been resurrecting her uncle for?

“Uncle, did he… have you been…?”

Tobirama said nothing.

It was an admission if she ever saw one.

“How long?” she choked out.

“I don’t know."

“How…? What did he…? What…?” Her heart was beating out of her chest, she was so horrified.

“Calm, Tsuna. Perhaps it isn't wise to discuss this now..." her uncle began.

"Cut the crap," she barked. "I'm the hokage! Tell me."

"I suppose you do need to know this, as leader of this village.” He  sighed heavily. “I was hoping to spare you the details."

"Spare me?" she echoed. It was her fault. She deserved to hear this. She should hear it and be appropriately horrified… have nightmares about it, as she surely would. It was what she got for letting that secret slip.

"Very well," Tobirama said with a sigh. "For the first few years, he merely extracted information of all jutsu I’d ever invented or was yet to invent.”

“No,” she breathed in quiet horror.

Her uncle ignored her. “Afterwards, it was helping him with his personal research projects. The mokuton. I believe a child lived, but thankfully, he never thought to ask me, so I could stay silent about him until Danzo intervened… not that that helped matters overmuch. I sense him in the village now, though. You must know of the boy by now, yes?”

“Tenzo,” she choked out. “Yes.”

Children experimentation. Her uncle, who adored children, had to be forced to participate in that–?

“After Orochimaru  was booted out of the village,” her uncle continued, “ he focused  on improving his own survival chances. I dare say, with  what he’s done to himself, you will have a hard time killing him.”

“Oh, uncle, I…” Tsunade lurched forward, enveloping him in a hug. More for his sake than for hers. Or maybe it was for the both of them, she thought as she clung to him. “I’m so sorry… I… If only I could take it back… I’m so sorry…”

“I already told this to you earlier,” he said quietly, “but something tells me you’ve forgotten due to your state of inebriation.”

“Oi,” she muttered into the fur-coat.

“I never blamed you, Tsuna.”

So he blamed himself. Wonderful.

She let go of him, whipping her once-more-wet cheeks. “I… I… don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything.” He too released her, stepping back and turning around to give her space. She heard him putter about the lab, the rustling of scrolls so achingly familiar she almost started crying again.

"I can't believe you're here," was what came out.

“Neither can I," he replied, adjusting a scroll just so. "I hope he doesn't call me again any time soon.”

Sudden understanding struck her. “You think he’d…?”

“Oh, he has been badgering me to invent a cure for his little arm problem for months now. Hiruzen was smart to take his hands away.”

“What? But how did he even call you without his hands?”

“That student of his. Kabuto, I believe. He knows the edo tensei now, as well.”

Tsunade frowned, the part of her that was Hokage first and Tsunade second stirring into being. “Wait… so if you’ve spent the past year working for Oro… then you must have a lot of intelligence about him.”

“I do. About that Uchiha boy as well, before you ask. And of his bases… Orochimaru attempted to hamper my sensory range by only calling me when inside of a specially primed room, but he severely underestimates me. I am more than just my sensing.”

Tsunade was honestly just so relieved to have him there. He was so reassuring, like when she was a child.

“Alright. So how often does he typically call on you?”

“Whenever he runs into a problem with his research. It’s hard to keep track of time,” he added.

“Hm, well, how many times has it been since the…?”

“Twelve times.”

“Means he’s been calling you about once a month,” she reflected. “When was the last time you had to assist him?”

“I’m not sure. Again, it’s hard to say.”

“Well, never mind.” She cast a glance around her – their – lab. “Then our first order of business is making sure that that bastard can’t summon you anymore. I don’t want you to ever have to put up with that snake again, uncle.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to keep spying on him?”

“Absolutely not.” Tsunade turned to fix him with a narrow-eyed look. “Besides, with you helping him he may actually figure out how to fix his hands. We can’t have that.”

“Hm,” Tobirama grunted noncommittally. Then, downcast: “I fear it may be too late for that.”

“What?” she burst out in horror.

“I basically held that Kabuto boy’s hand in procuring the solution the last time they called. I don’t know for sure, but if he followed my instructions, Orochimaru should be recovered by now.”

Cold fear gripped her. “No. No, that can’t be–”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“No. I’m sorry. If only I’d called you earlier...”

He sighed. “Tsuna…”

“I mean it, uncle!"

"It’s a good thing that you’re not so much like me, Tsuna. I was relieved, in a way, that you didn't call upon me. You shouldn’t rely on the dead like I did.”

She had the strong urge to bury her face in her hands and start crying. “We are alike, uncle. We’re too much alike.”

She didn’t tell him that his relief was baseless, because she’d done the exact same thing as him and called Nawaki to her in times of weakness. She didn’t want to burden him with that knowledge, however, for she knew he'd blame himself more than he did already. He had never wanted her to take after him.

Instead of voicing any of this, Tsunade dug through the various scrolls in the lab, looking for an edo tensei-primed array. One of the rules of the edo tensei was that the last person to summon the soul would make it manifest. In other words, if Orochimaru were to summon her uncle right now, then he’d crumble to a pile of ash where he stood and reappear at that snake’s lair. Tsunade guessed that with his hands recovered, Orochimaru would wait for a while until calling on her uncle again, but he would call. She needed to find a counter before then.

Luckily, Tsunade was her uncle's heir in more than name. She hadn’t been sitting idle all of these years, after all. She had continued his work.