Archive of Our Own

there was a chocolate bar on his table. 

garroth screwed his face up with confusion, looking around the lecture hall. no one else was in there except for him. 

yet there sat a wrapped chocolate bar, the brand name side up, glinting under the lights. 

garroth slid into his seat, picking the chocolate bar up and looking at it. there was a possibility that this could have been left behind by the class that had just cleared out. 

but that was two hours ago, and this chocolate bar hadn’t even melted. it was still cool to the touch, as if it had been in the refrigerator moments before. 

he entertained the idea that he was just sitting in the wrong seat. no one had assigned seats at his college. but he counted the rows and he counted the chairs. five chairs from the top and six chairs from the bottom. next to the window. that was where garroth always sat. 

every class, every lecture, every day.

and if this wasn’t enough evidence that the chocolate bar was for him, garroth finally picked it up, finding an incredibly small note underneath, folded up so that it was only seen by the person who picked it up. 

written on it, in even smaller handwriting, was his name. 

for garroth ro’meave :)

the writer had even drawn a little smile next to his name. the handwriting was messy, barely readable. 

garroth was lucky he could read it. it was only due to practice reading his younger brothers’ terrible handwriting that he could decipher the words written. 

on any normal day, he would have written this off as a joke, crumpled the note up and shoved it into his pocket, made a mental note to glance over it later. 

but it wasn’t a normal day, and garroth was early. the chocolate pacified his woes and so he sat down, and set up his laptop and recorder, prepping his area to take notes, and only then did he lean back in his chair and unwrap the chocolate. 

he took a bite out of it as he opened the note, his eyes darting over it to read the words.

thought u could use some chocolate today. hope ur day gets better.

xx 

there was no name. 

garroth blinked at the words, glancing around as he nibbled on the chocolate. he half-expected to not see anyone. but people were trickling into class now, and garroth finished up his chocolate bar, shoving the wrapper in his pocket. 

he squinted at the note once more, trying to scan for any signs of familiar handwriting. but he knew that he had never seen this before. he had so many questions. namely, how? or why?

how did this person know about his day? and why would they bother to spend all this time to give him something so secretly?

he took a last look at the note, licking chocolate off from the corner of his mouth. 

“you’ve uh— got a bit of shit on your face,” a teasing voice called, and garroth jumped, hastily shoving the note in his pocket, and wiping his mouth. 

“it’s not shit,” he grumbled back in response, as his best friend slid into the seat next to him. “you’d know more about eating shit than i would, laurance .”

laurance threw back a fake-offended look. “first of all, how dare you, and second of all, where’d you get the chocolate man? i totally would’ve shared if i somehow got some. what the hell.” 

garroth gave a weak laugh and shook his head. he didn’t want to tell laurance just yet. not right now. 

“oh, speaking of which,” laurance added, pulling his laptop from his bag, “katelyn and lucinda are having a thing today.”

“thing?” garroth asked absently, logging into his own computer. 

“yeah, you know. one of them ‘i want to go shopping but not pay for anything’ thing. you down? me and dante and travis are going.”

garroth considered it for a second, with a thoughtful tilt of his head. “who else is going?” he asked carefully, raising an eyebrow. “because i do have homework to do— gotta write my essay for modern literature soon.”

laurance bit his lip, “i think aphmau is going. she might take her boyfriend. and dante might bring his brother,...”

“his brother?” garroth asked. “who’s his brother?”

“dude.” laurance raised an eyebrow. “you joking? you know his brother. gene? the one who kicked your ass when we went to the arcade a few weeks back?” 

garroth blinked. “oh. oh! that guy! no way, they’re siblings?”

laurance laughed. “yeah, i know right? they don’t even look related! but anyway. katelyn, lucinda, me, dante, gene, travis, aphmau, aaron…” he trailed off. “i think that’s everyone? although katelyn might bring a friend. and i’m pretty sure ivy and teony might tag along as well. unsure, but katelyn likes them.”

“what about kawaii-chan?” garroth asked. “is she busy?”

laurance wiggled his eyebrows. “why do you ask? got a thing for her?”

garroth scowled at him. “ no. just asking. she usually comes with us, doesn’t she?”

laurance rolled his eyes. “what does it matter? dude come on, it’ll be fun. you’re like, the life of the party! everyone loves you. please?”

garroth ran a hand through his hair. “i am not ‘the life of the party’,” he protested. “but fine. maybe. if i have time.”

laurance beamed, and stretched his arms up in a celebratory fashion as the professor started the lecture. he dropped his voice to a whisper, and leaned closer to ask, “but you never told me where you got the chocolate and why you didn’t fuckin’ share with me.”

garroth rolled his eyes back at laurance. “later,” he whispered back, his eyes focused on the professor, a finger hovered over the record button. 

as the professor started class, garroth found himself not as attentive as he would’ve liked. his notes were passable at best, and garroth ro’meave does not do passable. 

after class, as everyone was packing up, he played back his recording, and scowled at the device. the audio was unusable, because laurance kept whispering on top of it every few seconds to every girl or boy in their vicinity.

laurance waited for him innocently, his bag slung over one shoulder. laurance was the type of person that everyone loved. even though laurance insisted that garroth himself was more of that type, garroth fully believed that it was laurance who drew people in, similar to moths being attracted to a flame. laurance’s head was cocked to one side as he chatted to someone as garroth packed his things up. 

laurance was attractive. undeniably attractive. and garroth was plain as could be. his prime days of being popular were back in highschool, and no matter how much laurance argued the opposite, garroth knew that it was true. 

approaching laurance, he mentioned, “i’m going to ask for the slides from today. you don’t have to wait for me.”

laurance shrugged. “you sure? i don’t mind.”

“yeah, i’m sure.”

“alright. text me then, yeah?” laurance looked away to scribble his number on the other person’s hand, sending a grin their way. “you too darling,” he called, hopping off the table that he was sitting on. 

as he passed garroth, he bumped his shoulder gently with his fist. “i’ll buy you a coffee and drop it off at your dorms. get that essay done so we can have some fun.”

garroth waved him off with a grin and a word of thanks, and he approached the professor’s desk. 

being an english major was difficult at times, but it mostly catered to garroth’s strong suits. he was good at words and he was good at writing, and he could effortlessly combine the two. money wouldn’t be an issue for him, since he was an heir of a big company, so he was privileged in the fact that he could afford to take that chance to do something he enjoyed. 

as the professor agreed to give him the slides, he wrote his email on a sticky-note he had found, handing it over. as he made his way back, he stopped and stared at the new chocolate bar that had appeared. 

he looked around. there wasn’t many people left in the room, save for a few people who were asking the professor questions of their own. he opened the window after a moment’s hesitation and looked out. surely someone couldn’t reach the window up here. unless they climbed the wall, there would be no chance. 

there weren’t many people outside. dante was outside, eating a snack with his best friend travis. gene was outside too, spread out on the grass with his skateboard next to him and a spray can peeking out of his bag. 

none of them seemed likely to do that. hell, none of those three even knew his favorite brand of chocolate. 

he could feel some awkward stares on him from inside, so he closed the window and hurriedly packed up his things, taking the note and chocolate to read outside.

he rushed outside to sit underneath the shade, opening up the note first this time, since he didn’t really feel as if he should eat more chocolate than he already had. 

hey! hope the first one helped a bit! have a good day sunshine <3

garroth stared at the hastily scribbled heart, his cheeks coloring. he suddenly crumpled the paper, and shoved it in his pocket, hoping the wind would cool his warm face. he stood, shoving the chocolate in his bag, and set off, carefully stepping over gene, in his path, to try not to disturb him from his nap. 

gene’s eyes opened as garroth passed, and garroth stumbled slightly when gene reached out to grab the ankle of garroth’s jeans. 

garroth cursed as he tripped a bit, awkwardly steading himself before turning around to glare down at gene. “what?” he asked, giving the older boy a slight glare. 

gene gave him a lazy grin. “nothing. just wanted to see your face. why’re you so red?”

garroth tripped over his words as he replied, a bit too hastily, “nothing at all.” just wanted to see his face? what the hell was that supposed to mean?

gene pulled himself up, running a hand through his dark hair, pushing it back. “you sure about that? your freckled face has gone all red, and it’s way too warm to blame it on the cold.”

garroth blinked, stupidly, before blurting out, “allergies.”

gene raised an eyebrow. “allergies?”

“yes. i’m allergic to. uh. grass.”

“you’re allergic to grass.” gene repeated, tilting his head forward, somehow making that basic movement seem condescending. 

garroth scowled. “what did you want gene? i’m too busy right now to talk about my grass allergies with you.”

gene shrugged, unbothered. “i already told you. no, that’s a lie, there was more to it.” he laid back down, and covered his face again, seemingly returning back to his nap. 

garroth waited. “... well?”

gene gave a start, moving his arm out of his face, his bright eyes gleaming up at garroth. “oh, you wanted to hear more?” 

garroth scowled down at him. “nevermind. fuck you. i’m leaving.”

his laugh echoed behind garroth as he left, his bad mood increased tenfold. 

gene was someone who was completely unpredictable, someone who angered garroth to the extreme. it wasn’t enough that gene was incredibly attractive, no, that wasn’t the worst part. that trait is completely insignificant, actually. 

the worst part was that garroth envied him so heavily, and despised him at the same time. envy colored garroth green whenever he so much as spoke to him. it made him stutter and stammer because gene knew how to get under his skin and how to absolutely infuriate him. 

gene was free from expectations, and that might be the thing that garroth despised most of all. they had some things in common. both were the eldest, expected to carry on their wealthy father’s business. but gene had somehow managed to break that system while garroth was still somehow trudging his way through it. 

garroth reached the edge of the grounds, and looked back, trying to remember if he had forgotten anything. his eyes landed on gene, who was now tossing an orange from hand to hand, chewing on his bottom lip as he scanned the sheets spread out around him on the grass. 

damn art students. 

later that afternoon, garroth collapsed onto his bed with a groan. his modern literature essay was done and submitted and he was finally at peace. 

rolling over to slide his glasses off, and slam them on his side table, he buried his head into a pillow and closed his aching eyes. 

his phone buzzed, and garroth let out a groan of protest before flopping his hand around to find it. his hand landed on it and he scooped it up, moving his chin slightly to be able to see it, leaving the rest of his face, save his eyes, to be squished into the pillow. 

3:40 pm | laur:  hey are u coming or not

3:41 pm | you: Yeah, just finished my essay

3:41 pm | you: Give me a sec and I’ll be ready

3:42 pm | laur: need me to pick u up ?

3:42 pm | you: Yeah sure, be here in 15

3:43 pm | laur: ur the boss, be there in 10 lol

garroth dragged himself out of bed, heading over to his bathroom to splash his face with cold water. effectively woken up now, he got himself ready in ten minutes, and finished right when he heard a knock on his door. 

when he opened the door, laurance was leaning against the doorframe, looking effortlessly good as always. 

garroth looked him up and down, and then looked at his own clothes. “er— should i change?” he asked, feeling a bit self conscious. laurance was dressed how he used to dress, back before the two became close. he wore a lot of dark colors, mostly red and black and blue. his dark blue shirt was unbuttoned at the top, allowing for his two necklaces to dangle past his collarbone. his shirt was messily tucked into his dark pants, and he wore a dark red belt, which he hung a small daisy chain from. 

garroth swallowed, before asking, “is three buttons open at the top really necessary?”

laurance let out a small laugh, patting garroth on the back, tucking his phone in his back pocket. “of course! how else am i supposed to show that i’m actually fit under all these baggy clothes?”

“you’re making me feel underdressed!” garroth protested, looking down at his own light blue sweater. 

leaning over to fix the collar that garroth had shoved under his sweater in his haste to get ready, laurance only smiled. “you look good, promise.” his smile turned teasing, “what’s it matter to you, anyway? got someone you wanna impress?”

garroth scowled a bit, shaking his head. “ no. ” 

“then what’s the big deal?” laurance shrugged, stepping away. “it’s just our friends, and maybe some dates. who cares what you wear?”

“you’re still avoiding the topic here,” garroth huffed, as the two began walking out of the housing area. 

“and that topic is…?” 

“am i underdressed?” 

“dude, you’re not . you look fine!” laurance made a little motion over his heart. “cross my heart.”

garroth snorted, giving laurance a light shove. “that’s so cheesy.”

pulling his keys out of his pocket, laurance unlocked his car, the grin still on his face. garroth got in from the other side, closing the door carefully. this car, after all, was laurance’s pride and joy. 

the group was meeting up at the same mall that they always did, a large one, with an arcade at one end, and a movie theater at the other. the first time they had all gotten together, garroth had barely spoken, and stuck with laurance the entire time, despite knowing everyone else for years now. 

the distance grew once they were in college. they were in different dorms, different sections, different majors. some of these people, garroth only met during these mall meet-ups. he reached up to push his glasses up on his face, only to remember that he wasn’t wearing them and he awkwardly scratched his nose. 

the mall was only twenty minutes away, and garroth and laurance rode in silence, until garroth decided to break it. “remind me if anyone new is coming?” 

laurance hummed in thought. “well, i learned the name of katelyn’s friend who’s coming— his name is jeffory, and apparently,” laurance turned to glance at him, a smirk on his face, “apparently he’s hot as fuck .”

garroth tried to recall anyone who sounded familiar, and blinked as a thought came to him. “isn’t he the one with a kid?” 

laurance’s face paled, but he shrugged. “so he’s a dilf. i can live with that.”

garroth snickered, “you’re into fathers ?” 

“look dude, you’ve never seen how hot katelyn’s dad is. your dad’s hot too but the temper issues and abusive tendencies are a bit of a turn off, i’ll be honest.”

garroth opened his mouth, but he had no response. laurance’s eyes turned back to the road and garroth finally giggled a little bit. “christ, you’re so—”

“hot? thank you, yes, i am.”

“no, you’ve got such bad daddy issues .” garroth retorted, making laurance huff indignantly. 

“it’s not daddy issues if i just think they’re hot,” he defended, the corners of his mouth up in a grin as he pulled into the mall parking lot. 

“i think that’s the definition of daddy issues, actually.”

“yeah well— shut up.”

“ooh, snappy.”

laurance parked the car, getting out and waiting as garroth opened his own car door. he stumbled out, his face getting hot in embarrassment. 

“hey!” 

oh for fuck’s sake. gene and dante had to have seen that. 

“hey dante!” laurance called back, locking his car as he weaved between the parked cars to reach them. “who drove today?” 

garroth hung back as laurance made small talk, biting the inside of his cheek. if he was able to talk with ease to people, make conversation, he would’ve loved to have done so. but alas, garroth was terrible at doing so, and therefore he allowed laurance to do all the talking. 

but laurance wouldn’t let him hang back all alone. 

dante greeted him with all grins, which garroth returned, thankful that the awkwardness didn’t linger any longer than it needed to. 

“damn, you look good garroth!” dante greeted, arms outstretched for a hug, which garroth accepted gratefully. this wasn’t anything new to him. dante had the reputation of being the most affectionate within the group, and garroth was privately thankful for someone who didn’t treat human affection as a disease. 

but then he remembered that with dante, came gene, and garroth was not ready for his day to be ruined once again. hoping to calm himself, he patted his pockets, and pulled out the chocolate bar that he had received earlier today. the second one. 

“man, you got another one?” laurance complained, leaning over and draping himself onto garroth’s shoulder. 

“i’ll share it with you this time,” garroth promised, unwrapping the chocolate. laurance leaned over to steal a bite, and garroth frowned. “not like that!” 

he offered some to dante, but dante shook his head. “nah, i’m good. for some reason we have stacks of that in our dorm,” he mentioned, glancing over at gene. “kinda funny because neither of us—”

“are we gonna go?” gene interrupted, leaning over the top of the car. “we’re keeping everyone else waiting.”

“ah, yeah.” garroth mumbled through chocolate, absently. the four walked to the entrance together, in pairs of two. garroth, unfortunately, got the short end of the stick when it came to pairs, as he was stuck walking next to gene. 

he turned his head, ever-so-slightly, so that it wasn’t obvious, to look at gene, examining his outfit. it was annoying how incredibly tall gene was in comparison to the rest of them. in garroth’s defense, he was only an inch or two taller than garroth, but he towered over dante and laurance, who were, admittedly tall, but under six feet tall. 

gene’s black hair was covered up by a beanie, and his bangs were pushed to the side to reveal his bright eyes, his unfairly bright, pretty eyes. 

once again, garroth felt small, insignificant, and very underdressed, especially while walking next to gene. his collar and blue sweater seemed to pale in comparison to gene’s red shirt and black sleeves. 

maybe he was looking for too long, because gene turned his head and met his eyes, an eyebrow lifting. “what’re you thinking about?”

and because garroth was caught off guard, he answered honestly. “thinking about how underdressed i feel, in comparison to you all.”

gene’s eyebrows furrowed, and he looked garroth up and down, very obviously. and suddenly garroth was even more self conscious, and he looked down at his own clothes as well. he thought his pants were nice, just some tan pants with white shoes. 

gene’s pants, in contrast, were dark and baggy, and he had the same accessories that hung off his belt as laurance did, but his were multiple strings of chains, delicate white and gold chains that somehow didn’t conflict at all with the dark saturated red of his shirt. 

“you look cute,” gene remarked, as he pushed open the mall door, and garroth almost walked right into it. 

“you’re such a bad liar,” he replied, scowling a bit, as he managed to dodge the door, hurrying inside after gene. “don’t do that.”

“no, i’m not lying. you look like you’re going to easter sunday with your parents.”

“and that’s supposed to be a good thing?” 

gene shrugged. “it’s a good thing to me.”

garroth rolled his eyes, not really taking gene seriously anymore. he finished off his chocolate, depositing it in a trash can that they passed. 

gene snickered a bit as they continued to walk. 

“what?” garroth asked, finally, after gene had been laughing silently for a few minutes. 

“you’ve uh— you somehow got chocolate on your nose,” he managed to exhale, covering his mouth as he continued to chuckle. 

garroth flushed, and he immediately fished out his phone to examine his face. sure as day, there was a little dot of smudged chocolate, and garroth rubbed at it, attempting to make it dissolve away. 

“new skincare routine?” gene asked, still silently laughing. “how did it get all the way up there anyway?”

garroth ignored gene as he rubbed the chocolate away, breathing a sigh of relief. he checked the rest of his face as well, but it was all chocolate-free. he looked up to see gene turning his head away, and garroth tucked his phone back in his pocket. 

gene was silent now, as they walked, his hands shoved into his baggy pockets. garroth marveled, and at the same time, envied how he managed to make basic walking look cool.

he was mildly aware of the glances their way, and he put his head down slightly, knowing how strange he must look in this group that was gathering all this attention, and how out of place he must seem, with the three attractive boys, and also him. 

him with his freckles and curly hair and light eyes that were identical to his mother, and hair that reminded everyone around him of his father. his freckles were a result of spending too much time outside with his younger brothers. they always annoyed his father, and thus, he prided in them as he got older, spending more and more time outside until he was sure that they would never fade. 

this was an exact replica of highschool, only with more freedom and less emphasis on his blue eyes. he would always be isolated, and alone, as if he was separate from the world that surrounded him. his friends invaded his bubble and dragged him along with them, and thus his separation expanded to include his friends, and therefore, now all of them were separate from the world, always there to be looked at, but never touched, until someone from the outside comes down to touch them. 

upon reaching everyone else, garroth felt even more out of place. he really was underdressed. 

a loud blue-haired girl greeted the four with her typical nature, one that was loud and blunt, and unapologetically herself. “took you all long enough!”

laurance laughed in response, knocking the woman’s shoulder as a greeting. “we’re on time katelyn, i promise! you lot are just early, that’s all!”

unimpressed, katelyn glanced at her watch, shoving the time in laurance’s face. “tell me why my watch says otherwise, laurance.”

laurance held his hands up in defeat. “there uh.. there was traffic, and then we ran into dante and gene on the way in,” he replied meekly. 

katelyn seemed satisfied with this response, sinking back down onto her heels. she looked back at the other girls, and they spent a few moments doing introductions, mostly because katelyn had brought a jeffory, and aphmau had brought her boyfriend. 

aphmau, a petite woman with dark hair and caramel eyes, stood to a corner of the room, her eyes lighting up when she noticed garroth look her way. an infectious grin crossed her face, and garroth could feel himself grinning back as she came his way to meet him, dragging her boyfriend behind her. 

garroth had known aphmau since they were children, although they were never as close as he and laurance currently are. she was good friends with his younger brothers, and they were inseparable until she moved away. 

in highschool, she came back, and took the entire world by storm. 

looking at her, garroth would never have thought that the shy little girl that he once knew would become this woman who knew what she wanted and went after it, headfirst. 

“you don’t know him, do you?” and garroth snapped out of his little thinking spree. 

“sorry, yeah, i don’t.” he winced a bit at the twang that came out in his voice, the way he spoke when he was nervous, or slightly unsure. luckily, it was subtle enough that she didn’t seem to notice, and aphmau gestured towards the man who she brought with her. 

he was tall as aphmau was short, and garroth felt his voice die at the sheer intimidation that he gave off. “so… this is aaron, right?” he looked up at aaron, offering a slightly shaky hand. “nice to meet you,” he greeted, politely. 

laurance crashed into his shoulder as aaron was about to offer a response, and his jaw dropped, hanging off of garroth’s arm. “yoooo aphmau what the hell? how’d you manage to get someone so hot ?” 

garroth elbowed laurance, his face red. just because laurance was correct , didn’t mean that he had to be completely rude about it. 

aphmau giggled, and aaron gave a confused sort of smile. “thank you?” he asked. 

“god,” laurance groaned, burying his face into garroth’s shoulder. “even his voice is hot.” he changed course almost immediately, lifting his head off of garroth’s shoulder. “i just met jeffory, katelyn introduced me. you have to go see. he’s so hot, and his voice is so good .”

“his voice? is good?” 

laurance rolled his eyes up into his head, a grin on his face. “ so good ,” he repeated. “just talk to him, i swear.”

garroth blinked, but shrugged. “sure, alright. see you two. have fun today aaron. don’t let aphmau spend too much money.”

aaron smiled back, and it took all of garroth’s self control to not perish on the spot. “see you.”

as the two walked away, he heard aphmau chirp, “so what did you think? i told you that you’d like them!” 

he could hear aaron’s bemused response as well. “they were— do they act like that all the time?”

he didn’t hear aphmau’s response, as he was tugged by laurance to continue walking on. 

thankfully, jeffory, with his brown hair and his emerald green eyes, wasn’t nearly as intimidating as aaron was. garroth relaxed substantially, engaging in some conversation, and coming out of that one significantly better. the only issue was laurance, wiggling his eyebrows and mouthing, “ am i right? isn’t he hot?”

but garroth could ignore that. mostly. 

his voice is admittedly very nice, and it has the same twang that garroth always represses. he can feel it coming out the more he talks to jeffory. garroth didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. he made his excuses to leave jeffory and laurance alone (because lord knows laurance wanted to be left alone with him), and continued on. 

he spotted dante chatting away with lucinda, and made his way over, though the back of his mind was questioning where gene had gone. 

approaching dante, he dramatically bent over and wrapped his arms around dante, giving a small, exasperated little groan. 

dante, bless his heart, continued talking to lucinda as if nothing had happened, patting garroth’s arms with the air of someone who welcomed him and his exhausted, touch-starved self. 

dante finished up his conversation with lucinda pretty quickly, as she quickly got distracted by katelyn and travis. he gave her a little half hearted wave and continued to be exhausted on dante. 

dante patted his head, running his fingers through garroth’s curls. “tired out by laurance already?” he asked, sympathetically. 

garroth gave a little hum in response. 

if one asked garroth in highschool where he saw himself in terms of his friendships, it would not be here. it was only dante’s influence that made him reach this point, and he had dante to thank for it, honestly. 

dante, with his dark blue hair and even darker blue eyes, was admittedly also a close friend of garroth’s, even if they didn’t see each other too much. when they meet, it’s as if no time had passed since the last time, and dante will allow garroth to just fall on top of him and sleep. 

garroth could sleep for days if it meant that he wouldn’t be alone when he wakes up. 

sometimes the three of them (garroth, laurance and dante) would spend hours together in a giant pile of warmth. it was warm. but often it just wasn’t enough. 

but garroth never blamed dante, and dante was blissfully unaware of all of this. and so they were completely fine. garroth would trust his best friends with his life. maybe not his pride or dignity, but definitely his life. 

they often split up at these outings, girls wandering off into the shopping area most of the time, having successfully swindled the rest out of their money and credit cards. the rest of them would go down to the food court and the arcade and waste their time until the mall closed. 

after that, they would go home, usually to lucinda’s house, where they would tip-toe around her passed out boyfriend, and cram all of them in her room where they would show off the money they spent, and the rest would cheer them on. 

it was a cycle, but one that garroth usually enjoyed. on his good days, he had fun. on his bad days, he bemoaned the fact that he was surrounded with couples and people who could interact socially. and on his average days it was usually a mix of both. 

dante looked around, gently shuffling around so he didn’t bother garroth too much. “hey, where’d gene go?” 

against his will, garroth propped his chin on dante’s shoulder to look around as well. “maybe he went ahead?” he offered. 

“he doesn’t usually…” dante mused. “huh. maybe we’ll double back and run into him.”

but garroth had already seen gene coming out of the food court, carrying a drink, and sipping it occasionally. he nudged dante, “there he is,” he pointed out, and dante followed his gaze.

“oh that asshole got food without us,” dante sighed, but there was no real malice behind his words. gene made his way over, sipping his straw, looking as though he didn’t have a care in the world. 

garroth wanted to be able to feel like that. 

“what’s going on here?” gene asked, eyeing both dante and garroth. 

garroth blinked, and then flushed because he was still hanging off of dante. 

fuck gene for making him feel uncomfortable for doing that for the first time since he and dante became friends. his walls were slowly being reeled back up, and he hated it. 

dante broke down the walls with a few sentences, and garroth was able to relax. “chill, gene. garroth is just tired from laurance,” he grinned. “so i’m helping him until he’s fully recharged and ready! right?” he looked to garroth for affirmation. 

garroth nodded silently, wanting the floor to swallow him up. he wanted to shrink below the ground and shrivel up and die. 

well maybe that was a bit extreme, but the look gene was giving the two, the confused, slightly mocking look was worth the extreme thoughts. 

garroth felt hollow , and he stumbled away from gene and dante muttering a slight apology. maybe he would go back to aphmau and lucinda and travis. at least the intimidation of aaron would be better than whatever the hell he was feeling here. 

his stomach churned, and he plopped down on a bench for a second, to try and make sure he was alright. he had only made it halfway to his goal of talking to the four over there. he bent over, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes and focused on his breathing. 

what the hell just happened? 

and just as quickly as the nausea rose up in him, it was gone. 

he sat up, confused. oh. he was fine. 

well now he felt shame creeping up his neck, convincing him that he faked the entire thing. he risked a glance back at gene and dante, and shifted slightly. 

something cold poked his thigh and he jumped slightly, startled. he peered over to look at the bench. 

there was another chocolate bar. 

that made the third one today. he scanned his group, confused. everyone was present and accounted for. no one was anywhere they shouldn’t be, except for laurance. but laurance was never in one space for too long. 

gingerly, he picked up the chocolate bar, finding the folded up little note taped to the underside. carefully, he peeled the note from the underside, moving slowly as to not rip up the note with the tape. 

hands fumbling slightly, he opened the note. 

i hope this will help you feel less sick. don’t think about what everyone else sees. you’re perfect to me sunshine

xx

if the last note didn’t make him embarrassed enough, this one certainly took the cake. garroth covered his mouth with his hand, to hide his surprised smile, to hide his startled blush.

the most startling result was that his day did improve. every time his day started going downhill, the notes would bring it back up almost immediately. 

he stared at the chocolate bar longingly, but he had already had two today, and if he has another, his father will have his head. 

he tucked them both away, carefully, and stood, feeling much better than when he sat down. maybe he’d give the chocolate to laurance, since he kept complaining about it all the time. 

the question was who ? who knew he was having a bad time? who saw him struggling? it couldn’t have been anyone in the current group because garroth was certain that he would’ve at least seen someone. 

so who was it?

the rest of the mall visit went according to plan. garroth stuck to both laurance and dante for most of the time, but he continued to engage with and interact with everyone else as he always did. 

he thoroughly beat laurance’s ass in air hockey, and bought him a stuffed bear to make up for it. however dante did beat him in almost all the shooter games in the arcade, save for the small antique box in the corner that garroth was able to play effortlessly. 

everyone piled into their respective cars to head back to lucinda’s house, and it wasn’t until about 2am that garroth decided he would rather be at his dorm right now. he managed to convince a slightly shitfaced laurance to come with him, and he drove himself and laurance home. 

the chocolate bars weren’t the only type of chocolates he received over the next few months. he would receive varying brands of chocolate, including chocolate covered things as well. 

on valentines day, he received an entire box of chocolate and had to hide himself in his room until he was good enough to come out without blushing every few seconds. 

no one else knew about this, except for him, and he would honestly prefer it that way. the pile of notes that he received kept getting higher and higher as he continued to receive more and more. 

there was always that underlying thought that he was being tricked, that someone was making fun of him, that he was being pavloved using chocolates. but he tried his best to ignore that. 

the notes seemed genuine. and ever since that first day, he’s kept them all, kept them all on a tidy pile on his desk. 

there’s just one problem though, he still has no idea who they could be. 

laurance finds out only a few weeks after valentine’s day. they were heading into a journalism lecture, together when garroth saw the chocolate, and rushed over to grab it before laurance could see. 

laurance however, did see, and managed to snag the note, holding it behind his back. “what’s this?” he asked. 

garroth reached for it. “nothing. give it back—”

laurance pulled away, holding the intricately folded paper. “can i read it?” 

he lunged for it, laurance backing up some more. “no, you can’t. please give it back,” he protested meekly, and laurance sighed. 

he flicked the paper over, with a heavy sigh, a dramatic one that garroth knew was only for show. “alright. you have to tell me what it says. hey wait,”

garroth hid the chocolate behind his back as well, but it was already too late. laurance’s eyes were wide with recognition. 

“that’s chocolate. it’s been chocolate since the first time i saw you had one. no fucking way.”

garroth’s face colored, but he nodded, pulling the chocolate out slowly from behind his back and examining it. 

“you mean to tell me,” laurance figured it out, putting the pieces together, “that you’ve had a secret admirer for over half a year , and you didn’t say anything?”

“it’s not really a secret admirer—” garroth tried to protest, but laurance cut him off. 

“are you serious?! who else would buy you chocolates when you’re not in a good mood?? it has to be.”

garroth frowned. “it’s not,” he stated, and silence ensued afterwards. “just… someone who makes my day, i guess,” he added. 

laurance leaned over to peer at garroth’s face. “you like this guy. girl. whoever. you like them!”

garroth sank into his seat, covering his face. “no. no, no, i can’t. i don’t know anything about them, so therefore, i can’t. shut up.”

laurance sat down too, turning his chair to face garroth. “well? open the note. show me what it says!” 

garroth really didn’t want to. but he could trust laurance. “okay. don’t make fun of me,” he warned. “or i will hit you.”

“scary,” laurance remarked in response, leaning forwards with anticipation. “just do it, come on—” he dragged out the last words in a slight whine, rocking back and forth in his chair now. 

garroth could understand how he felt. he had felt the same way when he first started receiving them. adrenaline coursing through him, his face flushed— and he supposed that laurance hadn’t really ever had something small like this, something private . 

laurance was big, and loud, and bright enough to cover the sky in his light. and garroth was small, and insignificant, like a fly in the way, ready to be swatted. 

he opened the note, hyper-aware of laurance’s eyes watching him, watching every little reaction that garroth is likely to let slip. he forces his face to be calm. after all, he’s done this hundreds of times over. 

reincarnation— also known as rebirth or transmigration, is the philosophical or religious belief that the non-physical essence of a living being begins a new life in a different physical form or body after biological death.

what do you think? if we were born one hundred times over, do you believe that this event would still occur? place by place, moment by moment?

it’s my thought for the day

hope you’re well sunshine

garroth smiled a bit at the note, his cheeks coloring as he brought a hand up to hide it, out of pure habit. 

laurance tugged the note out of garroth’s hand and scanned it, his blue eyes darting back and forth across the paper. 

he was silent for a second. 

garroth fidgeted.

“dude.” laurance said, finally, looking up at garroth. “you have someone waxing poetry for you. i’m fairly certain that this isn’t just a friendly note .”

garroth didn’t have a response to that, except for, “give it back—” he snatched the note back, tucking it carefully in his pocket. 

laurance sighed. “can i have some chocolate?” he asked, habitually, before wincing. “sorry, wait, no- it sounds worse now that i know that you don’t buy it.”

but garroth was already pushing the chocolate over. “we can share. no big deal.”

laurance picked up a piece, munching on it as he thought. “don’t you want to find out who this is?” 

garroth considered it, before slowly shaking his head. “not really..? if it’s someone i know, it’s going to be incredibly awkward, and i kinda like the anonymity of it all.”

“yeah, but..” laurance trailed off, before picking back up. “garroth, you’ve just been alone for so long. you can’t keep relying on dante every time you need to quench your touch starvation.”

the truth stung, but it was true, and laurance was never very good at sugarcoating. he preferred it when laurance was blunt and straightforwards. 

but still. 

garroth gave a sigh, resting his cheek on his palm. “i don’t know, laurance. what’s the use of having a partner if i already have you and dante?” 

laurance smiled. “you’re sweet. but it’s not the same, garroth. we can’t love you unconditionally. we might try, sure, but you won’t ever be first, and that’s what you need.” 

silence fell between the two of them. the room around them got progressively busier, and garroth continued to think over what laurance had said. 

“i… don’t want change,” he finally said, turning his head to look at laurance. “change scares me. maybe i’ll try and find out in the future, but for now, i don’t think i want to.”

laurance shook his head. “how long are you going to do this? this whole thing.”

just like that, laurance had stripped garroth down to the bare bones of his emotions. that one sentence left garroth exposed. vulnerable and raw. and he didn’t know if he liked it.

he struggled to keep his composure. “i don’t know what you mean.”

laurance scowled. “yes you do. liar.” he reached over to poke garroth’s chest. “i know you better than anyone else. except for your mystery person, probably. you need to do something about this mindset you’re in. nothing’s going to happen if you keep going this way.”

garroth didn’t get a chance to respond. he likes it when nothing happens. he just said he didn’t like change. 

that night, he mulls laurance’s words over, staring down at the pile of notes that he had gathered over the course of the past few months. he’s supposed to be studying, but every time his focus breaks, he finds his gaze drifting back over to the stack of notes that get larger and larger with every day that passes.

the content of the notes had changed as well. the notes writer seemed to enjoy giving garroth a few pieces of their life, what they were thinking in the moment that they wrote the note. 

he appreciated it. it made the person seem more real to him, and it allowed him to entertain that maybe there was true feeling behind the words that were written in that messy handwriting.

a knock came from his door, and he got up to open it, stretching as he stood. he could hear footsteps running away as he opened the door, looking down at the chocolate that was left in front of his dorm door. 

quickly, he looked down the hallway, and caught a glimpse of dark hair. 

before he realized what he was doing, his legs began carrying him down the hallway, and he sprinted after the dark hair he saw, as the dark haired person turned around the corner. 

but when garroth turned the same corner, only a few seconds later, they were gone. 

garroth stood in the doorway, panting from his sudden sprint. holy shit. why did he just do that? didn’t he tell laurance about how he didn’t want to know?

yet as soon as he saw any opening, he rushed to take it. he leaned his head against the doorframe, cursing quietly to himself, before he ran a hand through his hair and turned back, walking slowly to his dorm, and picking up the chocolate and note on his way in. 

he closed the door behind him with his foot, dropping the chocolate on a spare table and throwing himself down on the couch to read this note. studying could wait a little bit longer. 

the effects of getting a note were almost instantaneous, garroth could already feel a smile twitching on his face. 

dark chocolate is supposed to be good while studying, right? don’t overwork yourself. the sun can’t shine when the clouds cover it, and the same goes for you, y’know? 

chin up sunshine xx

oh wow, he was royally fucked. 

he read the note again, not bothering to hide his smile this time. his phone buzzed, and he stood to grab it from his desk, depositing the note onto the pile as he sat down in his desk chair. 

7:28 pm | laur:  i’m coming over

7:28 pm | laur: and im bringing dante w me

7:28 pm | you: Wtf. Okay. Let urself in

sure as his word, the doorknob to his front door opened only a few moments later, and dante barrelled in, looking over his shoulder at the hallway, followed by laurance. 

garroth turned around on his chair, raising an eyebrow, but dante spoke first, still peering out into the hallway as he shut the door. 

“bro, how come gene’s in this building right now?” dante asked, turning to face garroth again, switching his gaze to laurance as well. 

garroth blinked. “he is?”

laurance waved a hand. “who cares? show him the stuff!”

garroth frowned. “you brought him here for that ?” 

laurance scowled back, “i brought him here so he could convince you to find this person!” 

crossing his arms stubbornly, garroth looked away. “i don’t want to.”

“can you at least tell me what’s going on?” dante asked, moving over to the couch and sitting down, pulling his legs up onto the seat cushions. “laurance, calm down.”

laurance grumbled, and went over to sit next to dante, his arms crossed childishly as well. 

garroth pinched the bridge of his nose. “yeah, alright.” 

and he began to tell dante. he told dante about the first time, about the second time, the time at the mall, all the way until the two chocolates today.

dante, to his credit, didn’t seem too phased. “can i see one?” he asked carefully, pushing his blue hair out of his eyes. 

garroth sighed. “yeah, i guess.” he grabbed the most recent note, hovering over dante after he handed it over to see his reaction. 

dante moved over, and garroth sat next to him now, resting his head on dante’s shoulder. 

dante was silent for a bit, before he mumbled, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. “this handwriting…” he mused. 

garroth’s eyes went wide, and he sat up. “what? you recognize it?” 

“told you that you wanted to know,” laurance remarked, and garroth ignored him. 

“i do… but i can’t fucking remember where i’ve…” dante’s face paled. “oh.”

laurance sat up too, leaning forwards, all arguments forgotten. “who is it?” he asked, eagerly. 

dante shook his head. “no, it’s probably not him. but i was just thinking of how similar this looks to… to gene’s handwriting.”

‘it can’t be gene.” garroth said immediately. “if you read the rest of the notes, it doesn’t sound anything like him.”

laurance nodded. “the one he got earlier today was waxing poetry about fucking reincarnation. would gene be into stuff like that?” 

dante shook his head. “i don’t think so.. but i don’t think we should write him off. he’s got an entirely different side that i bet no one knows about.”

garroth buried his face in his hands. “if it’s gene, then it’s all just a sick prank. a horrible sick prank that i fell for. it can’t be him.”

dante rubbed garroth’s shoulder quietly. “i’ll ask. but i doubt it. a lot of people have messy handwriting.”

garroth’s eyes went wide, “no, no no no don’t ask, don’t tell him anything! he’ll just use it to make fun of me.”

the door knocked again, and garroth glanced at it. “someone else? hold on, let me grab it.” 

he stood, crossing the room to open the door. he saw a pair of familiar bright eyes, and he immediately slammed the door shut. 

panicked, he looked back at his two friends, hand still on the doorknob. “it’s gene?! ” he hissed, his stomach churning with nerves. 

laurance’s face mirrored the panic that garroth was feeling, and he tugged dante into a room. 

“what are you- hey! ”

“ shut up! we’re hiding!”

garroth turned back to the door, opening it slowly. “uh hey?”

“hi,” gene answered simply, pushing his hair out of his face. “do you mind if i come in?” 

garroth swallowed. “i mean- kind of? what do you need?”

gene pulled a waterbottle from the bag he was carrying. “ran out of water. i knew you lived here, since dante told me, so i thought i would ask if i could fill it at your dorm.”

reluctantly, since garroth was such a kind soul, and since it was a valid request for gene to ask, garroth swung the door open. “sure. come on in.”

gene stepped in, setting his bag down next to the door, his lanky frame seeming out of place in garroth’s mussed up room. 

his dorm wasn’t the biggest. he had no roommate, so it was only one room with everything he needed. his bed was next to his desk, his closet on the opposite wall. he had a small couch, and behind it, a small kitchenette with a tap, a microwave and a fridge. 

garroth gestured towards the tap, and gene passed him to fill the bottle.

for a few minutes, they stood in silence, garroth watching gene quietly. his mind went back to the notes, and his brain decided it was a good idea to make his face burn, remembering them. 

if dante was right, and gene had written all of those things… garroth didn’t think he would be able to handle it. 

the tap was slow, with a steady trickle of water. garroth’s eyes focused on gene’s face, his defined jaw and soft turquoise eyes. his expression wasn’t one of contempt, as it usually was with anyone he spoke to, but rather one that seemed much more fitting for his face. he seemed quiet, at peace, or maybe he was just thinking about how shit garroth’s dorms were.

the more garroth looked, the more he realized how different gene could seem. 

gene turned his head, catching garroth’s eye. the corners of his lips pulled up in a crooked grin, and garroth immediately took back his previous statement. 

“penny for your thoughts,” gene said easily, tilting his head towards garroth. 

garroth swallowed, his chest emptying until all that was left was pure panic. “um,” he replied, his voice too quiet to hear. 

gene bent his head closer. “sorry? didn’t catch that.”

garroth’s breath was caught in his chest, and he replied, his thoughts rushing around in his head, “nothing. nothing. don’t worry about it.”

“should i worry?” asked gene, lifting his head back up to look garroth in the eyes. he removed his waterbottle from under the tap, fitting the lid back on, water spilling over his hands. 

his hands, his slender hands, which were often marked with stray graphite marks, or charcoal marks, or paint marks, were clean today, with rings adorning a few fingers.

garroth had been watching for far too long. “is- will that be all then?” he asked, trying to regain whatever damn dignity he had left. 

gene set his waterbottle down, wiping his wet, slender fingers on his pants. garroth is watching him too much, he’s very aware of how much he was watching the other boy. 

he had to look up to meet gene’s eyes, and gene bit the inside of his cheek to think. “can i use your bathroom?”

garroth nodded, and stepped through the room once again. he felt as if he was making his way through bushes, his mouth was full of cotton when he tried to speak. 

“um, it’s right there.” fuck. “it’s not very clean at the minute, i hope that’s okay,” he muttered, conscious of every word that slipped out of his mouth. 

“that’s fine. i’ll only be there for a sec.” gene replied, following garroth, carefully stepping over the mess garroth had made. 

garroth froze. he had forgotten about the note pile. it was completely visible. he risked a glance at it before trying to move as if nothing happened. 

“is that it?” gene asked, pointing to a door on the wall next to his closet. 

“ah- yeah, it is. the soap’s under the sink, as well as extra toilet paper if you run out.”

“cool. thanks.”

as gene disappeared, and the lock clicked, garroth sank to his feet, crouching in the space outside the bathroom door, burying his head in his arms. 

this really could not be happening right now. 

he sent a panicked glance to the room where laurance and dante were hiding, and let out a heavy sigh before standing up again. 

he took this chance to shove the notes into a desk drawer, trying to be as careful and as quick as he could. 

dashing back to the room where laurance and dante hid, he cracked the door open, his eyes wide. “ did either of you know he was coming here, oh my irene ,” he hissed, thankful that the room was dark enough to hide his growing blush. 

no, he was not thankful actually, wait, because he was not even blushing in the first place . 

dante, his outline only visible due to the main room light, pulled his legs in a crisscross position, and shook his head. “ i assumed he was only here because he was going to do something related to his major ,” he shrugged. “ i don’t know what an art major does .”

laurance, standing a few feet away from dante, his back leaned against the wall, squinted at garroth. “we couldn’t hear what was going on,” he said, not exactly whispering, but not being incredibly loud either. “are you gonna be okay?”

garroth nodded, frantically. “yeah. yeah i’ll just—” he heard the toilet flush, and he quickly rushed out the rest of his words. “i’ll tell you after he leaves.”

closing the door as quietly as he could, garroth headed back to his desk, trying to pretend as if he was studying that entire time, tapping his pencil against his desk. 

an old note lay by his foot, and he picked it up, smiling slightly at it. 

today i was thinking about the stars, and how they are formed. it’s so beautifully tragic how something needs an absence in order to be truly seen. 

i don’t know if i’d agree with the saying that ‘all beauty needs tragedy’, but the best beauty does stem from it usually. 

daily thoughts for the day.

take care <3

beauty stems from tragedy. garroth mulled over this one for a bit, remembering how confused he was about this when he had first received it.  

the bathroom door opened, and gene stepped out, looking too put together for garroth’s dorm to handle. 

garroth pushed back his chair and stood, leaving the note spread open on his desk. “is that it then?” he asked, trying to be polite, but also really wanting gene to go so that his stomach wouldn’t uncomfortably shift every time those eyes turned to look at him. 

gene shifted his weight to one side, tilting his head to think. what did he need to think about. it was a yes or no question. 

“hmm. no.” gene finally decided, crossing the room to get his waterbottle from the kitchenette. 

even the way he walked made him look decent. decent as in attractive. attractive as in he envies it, and isn’t at all attracted to it. his stomach is churning of anxiety, and these were not butterflies. 

“alright!” garroth said, a hint of fake enthusiasm to his voice. “glad i could help, gene!”

gene stopped at the door to pick up his bag, and garroth watched the way he slid it onto his shoulder. he had a nice bag. how could he afford to get it if he wasn’t the most in touch with his family? 

he shouldn’t be thinking like that, that’s rude. 

the second the door clicked shut, garroth collapsed onto the sofa, and let out a loud groan, and dante and laurance tumbled out of the room they were hidden in, cheeks flushed from the warmth of the room. 

laurance was the first to speak. “why was that so draining for you?” he asked, peering over at garroth. 

dante pushed garroth over on the couch and squeezed next to him, patting his back empathetically. garroth leaned into dante’s touch and grumbled. 

“fucker made my entire stomach explode with nerves.”

dante blinked, and garroth could feel him and laurance exchanging glances. 

“don’t say it.”

“i wasn’t going to say anything!” dante protested, his hands up to show his innocence. 

“yeah, i’ll say it,” laurance stated. “how long have you had a crush on gene ?” 

groaning, garroth buried his face in his hands. “i literally have never had a crush on gene, and i do not plan on starting any time soon.”

“you’re such a liar.”

“am not!”

dante sighed. “either you’re a liar or you are just very, very, incredibly… oblivious.”

laurance snorted. “ stupid is the word i’d use.”

“that’s not fair, i just really hate him,” garroth replied, scowling. “how do you know what i’m feeling, huh? just because he’s kinda pretty and makes my stomach churn does not mean—”

garroth does not want to talk about this anymore. 

“kinda pretty?” laurance asked, an eyebrow raised. 

“makes your stomach churn?” dante added, patting garroth’s shoulder. 

“not like that. for fuck’s sake. you know how you just want to be someone so bad that you—”

“correction, want to fuck someone so bad.”

“that is not what i said laurance, oh my irene.”

“it could be worse, he could have a crush on like… ivy or zenix or something.”

“dante, how is that in any way helpful.”

“i’m just saying, laurance , gene isn’t too bad—”

“you’re just saying that because he’s literally your brother.”

“you literally had a crush on him in highschool dude, don’t think i forgot that.”

“this is not about me, this is about garroth and his current crush.”

“i hate you both.” garroth concluded, putting an end to the bickering. “i didn’t even get to finish what i was saying. i really don’t think i like him like that. sure, he’s attractive , and has nice hands and is really tall and,” garroth shuts his mouth. “i’m not helping my own case, am i.”

laurance gave him a smug grin, the kind of grin that screams, i told you so! dante’s returning look isn’t as triumphant, but it’s still annoying on some level. 

garroth sighed. “okay. so. hypothetically , say that i have a crush on gene. then what?”

laurance pursed his lips, his brows furrowed, and dante tapped his nose in thought. 

“tell him?” dante suggested.

“vetoed,” garroth replied, immediately. “laurance?”

“well i was gonna say that too, but just like.. try dating him?”

“it’s not that easy,” mumbled garroth. “it may be easy for you, but how are you supposed to go up to a guy that you’ve talked to maybe five times in total, and ask him out? is he even, like—”

“he likes boys,” dante interrupted. “you’re fine.”

“oh lord i didn’t even think about that. apparently i like boys now? are you two sure about this?” garroth bit his lip. 

“it’s literally just the same way you’d do it with a girl,” laurance added helpfully. “if it makes you feel any better, i’ve thought you liked boys since junior year of highschool.”

“that… thank you?”

evidently, dante took pity on him. “look, we should leave, and let you think about this,” he said, apologetically. “it’s probably a lot to take in.”

“yeah,” garroth covered his eyes with his hands. “sorry dante, this is about your brother. must be weird. my bad.”

“it’s cool! he’s cool so it makes sense. even if you two are almost polar opposites,” dante grinned. “come on laurance. leave him alone for a bit.”

laurance frowned, squinting at garroth. “do something to make your boring life more fun,” he said. “otherwise you won’t stop going downhill. stupid.”

nodding absently, garroth agreed. “yeah. i know.”

dante, having stood up to get ready to leave, called from at his desk, “you— you left this note out on your table.”

garroth blinked, turning to look. “i did, didn’t i. shit.”

dante waved a hand. “it’s fine, i’m sure it’s not gene. wait. now you probably want it to be him—”

“i.. dante, i don’t know. just let me sleep on it.” garroth rubbed his nose, his face heating up. 

“aww,” laurance cooed. “someone’s got it bad .”

garroth wrinkled his nose. “get out of my dorm,” he stuck his tongue out at laurance. 

dante tugged laurance towards the door. “we’ll talk to you tomorrow!”

garroth sighed as the door closed. he knew what he had to do. he had to find out. and despite how much he loved the anonymity of it all, it would be the only way to get over this stupid attraction to gene. 

because the notes giver and gene were on opposite sides of the spectrum. the notes giver has a way with his words, and makes garroth feel special, important, known. 

gene is attractive in all aspects. he’s fun to talk to if he isn’t being condescending. he’s talented, incredibly talented, and he knows what he wants, and how to achieve it, and he’s successfully free to go after his own aims in life. he makes garroth feel small. he makes garroth feel as if there are stones in his stomach, as if his face will burn off just by talking to him, from sheer embarrassment. 

very different. 

so when he runs into gene right before his finance lecture starts, he doesn’t really want to stay. mostly because there is also a very obvious chocolate sticking up out of his bag. he can already feel his face going warm. 

gene seemed to be in studio mode already, and garroth couldn’t help but stop and watch him from afar as soon as he’d noticed him. 

eventually, gene had turned and seen him, and beckoned him over. 

“every time i see you, you’re just watching me. is there something on my face?” gene asked, tilting his face up for garroth to examine. 

garroth didn’t think he could do that. 

gene was sitting on a stool, a canvas and easel sat in front of him, with various papers scattered around on the grass, weighed down by several textbooks. 

gene was waiting for a response, and garroth snapped his attention back. “sorry. uh, i don’t see anything..”

gene grinned, turning his attention back to the canvas. “what do you think?” he asked, his voice low, and thoughtful, as he examined first the canvas, then the environment. 

“um.. it looks nice.. i don’t know much about art stuff, i’m sorry.” garroth’s voice felt clumsy, and forced, and he felt incredibly awkward just standing there. 

trying to be as casual as possible, he slipped his bag off, placing it next to his feet. 

he needs to stop watching gene. but there’s something nice about the concentration on his face, and the way he looks so human sitting there, his eyes on his own creations and the sun filling the air with warmth. 

gene hummed quietly, and seemed to abandon the paintbrushes altogether, picking up the palette that rested off to the side, and plopping it down in his lap. 

it felt as if he was intruding on a private moment. garroth simply watched as gene took a few fingers, dragging them across the canvas in varying motions. 

and the creation on the canvas bloomed to life. 

it was by no means realistic. but it was gene’s. and garroth appreciated that part most of all.

“it’s shit.” gene groaned, resting his chin in his palm. 

garroth blinked. “wait huh? how?” 

gene used his other paint splattered hand to point out various inconsistencies. “right here, see? perspective’s fucked. and over here, the shadows aren’t good enough. and right here, the contrast is extremely high and throws the whole thing off.” he sighs, and leans back to stretch. 

well now he has paint on his face. 

garroth bit his lip. “you’ve.. you’ve got paint—”

“oh yeah?” gene asked, examining his hands. “must’ve been when i touched my face then. there’s a napkin over there. do you mind handing it over?”

garroth didn’t mind. 

gene took the napkin and gingerly dabbed at his face. “did i get it?”

“no… but that’s fine.” garroth said, unsure of where he was going with this sentence. “you look like a proper art student with it there. it looks strategic.”

gene snorted. “i promise you darling, no one has paint on their cheeks like an idiot.” 

garroth didn’t have a response for that, so he just shrugged. 

“it’s alright. do me another favor, yeah? there’s a bag of wipes in my bag right there. take some out so i can properly clean my hands. i’ve got too much shit to carry to the sink and i’d like to have clean hands to draw properly.” gene just held up his hands helplessly, trying to push his hair out of his eyes with his wrists, or any area not covered in paint. 

“draw what?” garroth asked, doing as he said. 

gene shrugged, a thoughtful look appearing on his face as he wiped his hands clean. “whatever comes to mind, really. art’s a lot like poetry in a way, and i’m fascinated with both. think about this, literature boy. art’s poetry, but for the visual ones. you analyze art through the intention behind the lines, just as you do poetry with the intention behind the words? get it?” 

and strangely enough, garroth does. it's strange for them to be talking like this, like they've known each other for months. the tone gene holds and the expressions he makes are entirely new to garroth, but he doesn't necessarily dislike it. 

“do you write poetry then?” garroth asked. it’s a hesitant step towards casualness, and yet it seemed like an incredibly big one to take, almost reminiscent of a leap of faith. 

“sometimes,” he confessed, standing, and moving the stool to the side. gene sat down, his back against the tree that provided the two shade. “why do you ask?”

garroth shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. “the way you spoke about it,” he said. “makes it seem like you know this from personal experience.” he carefully sat down in front of gene, pulling his legs in to sit crisscrossed. 

this interaction reminded him of trying to approach a stray cat. garroth, the hand extending towards the cat, slowly, and carefully, and gene, the cat, carefully letting down his guard. if he made any sudden movements, he feared that gene would close up his walls, and go back to being the gene that garroth despised. 

but this side of him was nice. this side of him felt infinite, reminding him of that feeling one gets when they look into the sky, the stars stretching on and on, just barely out of reach, but close enough to appreciate. 

would it be selfish of him if he wanted to reach the stars, and clasp his fingers around one?

“do you want to see?” gene asked suddenly, his head tilted upwards towards the sunlight, his eyes down to meet garroth’s upwards gaze. “you’re a poetry analyst, aren’t you?”

garroth blinked, but he leaned forward eagerly, and nodded. “i’d like to see.” 

“don’t analyze it too much,” gene warned, a ghost of a smile on his face. “otherwise you’ll see me for who i truly am, and that thought alone frightens me.”

“is that so bad?” it was a bold question to ask, but despite the twisting sensation rising from garroth’s stomach to his chest, he gazed at gene, wanting to hear the answer. 

gene didn’t answer immediately, handing over a small notebook. as garroth opened the book, skimming through the pages, he finally heard the hesitant response. “i don’t know if you’ll like what you find.”

gene’s handwriting was neat, and garroth felt a wave of both relief and disappointment course through him. the handwriting was familiar, but it didn’t match the ones scattered around his dorm. 

“is there a specific one you want me to look at?” garroth asked, his voice quiet. 

gene leaned forwards to look at the book in garroth’s hands, brushing a finger over the pages. 

garroth swallowed. up close he could see every detail of gene’s face. the pale freckles dotted on his nose. the small beauty spot under his right eye. the intensity of his water colored eyes. 

if he moved too much or spoke too loudly, the spell would break, and poor garroth was already drowning in it all. 

if this is what drowning felt like, then garroth didn’t need to breathe. 

“this one’s good.” gene muttered, flipping the pages, and pressing down on the pages for the notebook to lie flat. “not a lot of thought went into this. i scribbled this down one day, after class.”

gene moved his head away, and garroth felt himself breathe again. damn it. 

he looked down at the book, chewing on his bottom lip as he read the smudged words, scrawled inside in pencil. 

dear bug resting on my wall,

how are you tonight?

do you feel at ease up there?

i wonder how you can be so calm

while being completely exposed

vulnerable and raw to the rest of the world

through hours in the day, and centuries in the night

you have just sat there, and i still wonder why

even when i leave, you're there when i return

but when i bring someone with me

you're nowhere to be found

garroth looked up at gene, a little grin crossing his face. while it wasn’t the best poem he’d ever read, as he reads famed poets on a daily basis, it’s definitely not something to turn up his nose at. 

poems were incredibly personal. even if gene’s poem was the shittiest thing on the earth, a part of him still went into it, and he cherished it. 

gene smiled back, and garroth thought he saw a flicker of nerves underneath that gaze. not to mention that his smile might’ve been clouding his judgement since it was the first time garroth had seen a sincere grin, one that wasn’t flirty or cocky or condescending. 

“so…” gene trailed off, rubbing his hands together nervously. 

“i like it.” garroth said, scanning over it a few times. “your message is clear. and even if the message wasn’t incredibly noticeable, the lines are still fun.”

gene cocked his head. “maybe the message is clear to you because you read poetry.”

garroth laughed a little bit. “that’s true. my experience does count against me a little bit.”

he wants to analyze every bit of it. he wants to scour every detail until gene’s soul lay there, bare and beautiful for him to finally see. 

but garroth kept quiet, and returned the notebook back, checking his watch. 

“what time is it?” gene asked, stretching and leaning back against the tree trunk once more. 

“five minutes to one,” garroth replied. “i’ve got a lecture at one.”

“well shit, sorry for keeping you here then,” gene said, a little frown crossing his face. 

“no, no no it’s alright. i stayed here out of my own choice.” picking up his bag, he stood, reluctantly. 

gene scrambled to his feet as well. “i’ll walk you there if you’d like.”

but garroth could already see laurance’s triumphant look and dante’s knowing glances if he walked in there with gene. 

as much as he wanted to, he shook his head. “no need. it’s right over there. thanks though.”

gene puffed out his cheeks, blowing outwards in a little exhale. “alright. next time then.”

garroth nodded, his cheeks coloring. next time? there would be a next time? oh if he wasn’t already completely dead by then, he would love a ‘next time’. 

he turns to walk away, but gene reaches out to tap his shoulder lightly. he turns back around. his shoulder, the shoulder that gene touched is on fire. it’s on fire. he can feel it. 

“hold on. give me your phone.”

the gene that he knew before is back. garroth frowned a bit, and reluctantly unlocked his phone, and handed it to gene. gene took it, and garroth cursed himself for finding anything gene did attractive. 

it was incredibly annoying really, how he was so drawn in by both sides of gene’s personality. gene’s outside personality was annoying, and rude and yet somehow so attractive, enough that one could be drawn in, and then unlock his other side, which draws one in even more, because of the sheer contrast between them. 

gene handed his phone back, pulling out his own phone now, and taking a photo of the poem that he had shown garroth minutes before. 

“you were itching to analyze this right?” gene asked, his voice set in a lazy drawl. 

how could he tell? garroth nodded bashfully, biting his lip. “sorry,” he added, just so he wouldn’t be rude. 

“it’s fine. i’ll text it to you. knock yourself out. if you share it with anyone else though,” gene looked at garroth, his beautiful eyes suddenly cold. “i will find you.”

“you know where i live,” garroth responded. “it won’t be that hard.”

gene blinked, taken aback, and he replied with a surprised smile. “that’s true. fine. now shoo, you’ll be late.”

the casual dismissal stung, but garroth did as he said, pulling out his phone to check the message.

12:56 pm | gene :) :  thatonepoem.jpg

garroth sucked his breath in, and tapped his phone lightly, changing some things. he was going to die if anyone else ever found out about this. 

12:56 pm | you: Thanks sm !

12:57 pm | gene <3 : yeah np. enjoy urself lol :)

oh god, he had it so bad .

he ate his lunch after that class, sitting in his school’s large common area. dante and laurance were there too, because when were the three of them not together? 

even if it was 3pm, lunch was still being served, and dante counted the coins in his wallet painstakingly. 

he shook the last dime out of his wallet and sighed. “man, why does lunch have to be so expensive. too bad there’s no food in our apartment at the minute. i’m literally three dollars short.”

garroth paused his chewing, looking over at dante, and digging in his bag for his own wallet. 

dante realized what he was doing, and began shaking his head. “no- no no no way dude,” he protested. “i can’t do that.”

“it’s only three dollars,” garroth reasoned. “you can just pay me back if you feel so strongly about it.”

“if you don’t want it, i’ll take it and use it on that vending machine over there.” laurance chimed in. 

laurance, unlike the other three, knew how to cook properly, and never needed to buy lunch, unless his day was extremely busy. 

dante grumbled, but he took the three dollars, standing up to go buy lunch. garroth waved at him as he left, stuffing another bite into his mouth and chewing. 

laurance leaned back in his chair, and let out a sigh. “should i get a proper boyfriend, what do you think?”

garroth blinked, swallowing his foot. “what do you mean?”

laurance side eyed him. “you know. stop hooking up with people, and actually make an effort?”

garroth shrugged. “it might be more stable if you did try.”

“yeah, but who will trust me? i’ve slept with literally anyone who’s available.”

garroth marveled at that sentence. “how do you not get attached?”

“easy. forget their faces in the morning,” laurance replied, studying a hand. “but i kinda want to remember one for once.”

garroth spotted someone familiar, and knocked laurance’s hand. “there’s jeffory.”

laurance almost fell back out of his chair, and he sat up. “fuck. where?”

“right there.” garroth didn’t point, but he indicated. “you should ask him.”

“i don’t know,” laurance groaned. “he’s got a baby girl, what if her mother’s still in the picture?”

“ask him,” garroth suggested, but laurance had already pulled his phone out. “what’re you doing now?”

“texting katelyn,” laurance replied absently.

“seriously?” garroth rolled his eyes, leaning over to look over laurance’s shoulder. “what’re you asking?” 

“if jeffory’s single.”

they watched as the message delivered, and immediately was read. katelyn started texting back, the indicator appearing and disappearing at intervals. 

“she’s taking so long,” laurance groaned. “for fuck’s sake, it’s a yes or no question!”

“she texted back,” garroth pointed out. “look.”

3:23 pm | kate: he’s single, yeah, but i’m unsure if he likes boys lol. he’s also pretty busy w his daughter, since the bitch fucking dropped the baby on him and l e f t. 

3:23 pm | kate: good luck lmaoo 

laurance huffed out an indignant sigh. “guess it’s up to me to ask, huh.”

garroth watched laurance stand up, and immediately sit back down. “nevermind. he seems busy.”

looking over at where jeffory was sitting, he certainly did not seem too busy. 

“you should go and talk to him,” garroth encouraged. 

“i’ll talk to him once you get gene’s number,” laurance hissed back. “also known as never .”

garroth could feel a sly smile crossing his face. “tough luck laurance,” he said, his voice gleeful. 

“oh my god,” laurance looked over at garroth. “you didn’t.”

“i did.”

“let me see. i need to check if it’s real. proof. give me the proof.”

garroth pulled out his phone and tossed it to laurance. “here you are.”

“god, with the amount of confidence you just showed me,” laurance grumbled, typing in garroth’s password. “i know it’s true.”

garroth just remembered he put a heart by gene’s name. 

oh lord. 

and judging by laurance’s smirk, he had just found it. 

“what’s this then?” he asked, tapping on gene’s name in garroth’s phone. 

garroth flushed. “uh- he was the one who put his number in.”

laurance pulled his own phone out. “yeah, but gene uses a smiley-face. which means— ”

dante bounded up with his food, his grin wide. “got the last burger!”

“dante i love you so much,” garroth told him, snatching his phone from laurance. 

“what? huh? what did he do?” dante asked, eyes flickering between laurance and garroth. 

laurance leaned on the table, his annoying smirk still on his face. “garroth has gene’s phone number. and he put a heart after the name.”

“don’t say it like that ,” garroth groaned, covering his face. “you make it sound so mushy.”

“that’s because it is! ”

dante only sat down and held out his hand. reluctantly, garroth placed his phone in dante’s hand. 

dante unlocked garroth’s phone as he ate, burger in one hand and phone in the other. 

the phone buzzed in dante’s hand and his eyes went wide. “um. gene heart texted you.”

garroth blinked. “ what. no way. shut up.” he snatched his phone back, tapping on the notification. “fuck, he did.”

“well, what did he say?”

“none of your business,” garroth said promptly. “dante, tell laurance why he should ask jeffory out.”

dante’s eyes gleamed. “you have a crush on jeffory?”

laurance groaned. “now i know how garroth feels, noooo!”

“you do! ”

“ yES i DO and it’s driving me insane! the man’s literally perfect! ”

“you’re perfect too laurance,” garroth replied, his eyes on his phone, scanning the text gene sent. 

3:43 pm | gene <3 : curious. what did u get from the poem i showed u? couldn’t get my mind off of it.

3:44 pm | you: I haven’t gone into a full analysis of it yet. Do u want to know what i got from reading it a few times?

3:44 pm | gene <3 : hit me.

garroth inhaled sharply at the sudden response, and dante and laurance ceased their bickering to look at him at the same time.

“what was it?” dante asked, leaning over. “what happened?”

“he texted back so fast,” garroth whispered, his cheeks warming in spite of himself. 

laurance sighed. “i wish i had jeffory’s number.”

“just go over there and ask,” dante hissed. 

their argument began again, and garroth began typing out a response to gene. 

3:45 pm | you: The most obvious detail to me was the metaphor u carried throughout the poem about the bug and the ties between the bug’s behavior and loneliness. The line about the ease made me think about how u probably feel more comfortable alone anyway, but too much of it will take a toll on u, yk? And that u don’t do anything about it, until when u do and the bug is gone. That’s all i have at face value lol

3:46 pm | gene <3 : jesus.

3:46 pm | gene <3 : i feel so naked.

3:47 pm | you: Ahh sorryy!! Did i read too much into it?

3:47 pm | gene <3 : no, nono. u didn’t dw.

3:48 pm | gene <3 : that’s so cool tho. u got all that from my poem?

3:48 pm | you: More credit should go to the poet. The way you write is intoxicating

3:49 pm | gene <3 : woah. hot.

3:49 pm | you: HUH

3:50 pm | you: HANG ON THERE WAHT

3:50 pm | you: SIR????

3:51 pm | gene <3 : pls. that was so funny lmaooo

3:51 pm | gene <3 : gtg. kinda want to send u another poem tbh. or sit w u and watch u analyze it realtime. let’s meet soon or smth. call me whenever.

3:52 pm | you: Oh! Yeah, sure! Anytime! U can call me whenever too btw!

3:53 pm | gene <3 : maybe i’ll take u up on that.

garroth didn’t realize how red his face was until he heard the silence at their table. he looked up, setting his phone face down on the counter. “what?” 

“your face is so red. man’s got it bad,” laurance snickered, looking at dante.

dante giggled as well. “my best friend and my older brother. dude, you could marry into my family, holy shit.”

“ marry? marriage seems a bit-”

“planning the wedding already?” laurance interrupted. “he hasn’t even spoken one on one to him yet!” 

garroth decides not to tell him. 

dante, his beloved, defends him. “at least he has gene’s number. where’s jeffory’s number in that phone of yours, huh?”

laurance scowled. “if i’m going up to him and asking, you have to come with me. garroth?” 

garroth considered his options, before shaking his head. “i might go back to my dorm and take a nap. don’t have any more classes today. tell me how it goes though?”

laurance nodded, and dante stood up, going around the table to tug laurance out of his chair. “come on laurance! he’s too nice to say no! what’s the worst that could happen?”

“he’ll kill me on the spot?” 

“and the best thing that could happen?”

“he’ll publicly fuck me.”

“that’s the spirit!” dante enthused, ignoring how deadpan laurance’s answers were. 

laurance allowed himself to be pulled away by dante, and garroth laughed to himself. he debated between staying and watching versus going and actually getting some sleep. 

his body begged him to choose the latter. 

and so he went back to his dorm. 

his phone began buzzing as soon as he reached the door, and he answered it, holding it with his shoulder as he pushed his door open. 

“hello?”

“ hello?”

“gene?” garroth didn’t even read the caller id. he didn’t notice that gene was the one who called him. “are you okay?”

“it’s nice that you’re concerned about me.” gene’s voice was scratchy and deep over the phone. garroth was already blushing immensely just from how good it sounded. he closed the door behind him, setting his phone to speaker mode now. 

“well, it’s not every day you get a call from someone like you,” he replied, setting his phone down as he looked in his minifridge for something to drink. “were you asleep?”

“mmhm. how could you tell?”

“you sound like you just woke up.”

“ah. yeah, i did. i took a nap after studio today. dreamt about you. then i woke up, and texted you, and then i fell back asleep.”  

gene actually thought about him? this conversation was not going to be good for garroth’s health. 

“and when i woke up, i wanted to hear your voice.”

“of course you did. why, is it that strange?” garroth was amused, despite how warm to the face he was. “out of everything you think of, i’m first?” 

he heard a laugh come from gene’s end. gene laughed. it sent shivers down his spine, but in the terrifyingly pleasant way. 

“i couldn’t keep you out of my head.”

“really?” garroth finished the last of his drink. “i’m getting ready to take a nap, sorry. keep talking though.”

“if you say so. you’re the boss. anyway, i couldn’t keep you out of my head, because i was just thinking about that damn analysis. and so i just had to text you, right?”

he threw his drink in the trash, humming a few times to let gene know that he was still listening, and wandered over to his bed. 

“and after hearing your analysis on my dumb scribbled down poem, i realized that i needed more. so, um, this is really just build up to me asking you to analyze more of my poems.”

“are you sure?” garroth asked, climbing into bed, setting his phone on a pillow, turning off his light and lying next to it. “i don’t want to find something you’d rather keep hidden.”

the voice at the other end is silent for a bit. “... i…” the voice is hesitant, and garroth is almost scared for the response. “i think that… i don’t want to hide anything with you.”

“oh.” garroth yawned, turning over on his stomach, making sure he was still audible to gene. “you’re very brave, i think. it’s hard to show other people your innermost thoughts.”

there was another laugh. “oh garroth.. i’m hardly brave. i’m terrified of what you will find. i think you’ll find something that even i don’t know anything about.”

“you’re not scared by the fact that you barely know me? we’ve only spoken a few times.”

“i’ve known you since you were a highschool freshman, garroth.”

“well, yeah, but—” he broke off, trying to find the right words to describe it. “we didn’t really talk. like, i didn’t know you and you weren’t really interested in me, and now we’re having these deep conversations about this stuff, and—”

“ do you want me to stop?”

the question froze him, and his answer leapt out of him before he could think. “no. not really.”

shuffling noises came from the other side, before gene continued. “the fact that we’re having these conversations in the first place is sign enough that we are comfortable with each other. maybe it’s because we haven’t spoken that we’re able to speak freely.”

“i never took you to be so eloquent,” garroth said, trying to hide his grin. “you should do this to other people aside from me.”

“if i talked like this all the time, it becomes expected garroth. better to keep expectations low.”

garroth laughed at that. “clever. how long did it take you to discover that?” 

“ages and ages ago darling. it pays to hang around all types of people.”

“all types? and it works?”

“of course. i wouldn’t recommend it though. you’ll find out how much of a toll that took.”

“we’re incredibly different, aren’t we?”

“we’re made of the same cosmic dust. we can’t be all different, can we?”

“you’re incredibly confusing to me.”

“don’t you like a challenge?”

“i’m about to fall asleep. i don’t like doing challenges half asleep.”

“should i hang up and let you sleep then?” 

“no. i don’t want the call to end.”

“okay. i’ll go back to sleep too.”

“there’s something so nice about sleeping at the same time.” garroth mused, his eyes heavy. “our bodies, while distanced far apart, have never been more in sync.”

“now who’s the eloquent one?”

“touche.”

if gene replied, garroth didn’t hear him. he had already slipped away, his last message tinged with drowsiness. 

when garroth woke up, the call was still going. it was dark outside, and he blearily checked the time, rubbing his eyes. it was 1am, and he groaned a bit, sitting up. 

a sleepy voice came over the phone, and garroth almost fell off the bed. “are you awake?”

“fuck— yes, i am.” garroth responded, his voice hoarse from waking up. “sorry, i forgot you were there.”

there was a bit of silence, and finally gene said, “are you gonna go back to sleep? cause i think i’m gonna be awake for a while.”

garroth yawned, before answering, stretching as he picked up his phone and got up. “no, i don’t think i am. you slept for a while too, didn’t you? more than i did at any rate.”

he batted aside his curtains to look outside. the night was dark, and garroth could feel himself being more awake by the second. 

“are you hungry?”

“a bit, yeah.”

“meet me— actually, stay there. i’ll come over.”

“sure— wait, really? gene, you don’t have to–”

“fuck you,” but there was fondness in his words. “i’m gonna bring my poetry book too, so it’ll be worth it.”

garroth gave in, going over to his closet to find something to wear. “do you need me to hang up?”

“no, i don’t want you to. i’ll be over in a second. talk to me.”

there was something so intimate about someone else wanting to hear you. there was something so special about being known. 

so garroth opened his mouth, and began rambling. it was mostly about his classes, his interests, and the mass amount of poetry books that he held, which he promised to show gene.

even if there was intimacy in being known, there was also a fear in being too known. being known meant being vulnerable. and while gene was brave enough to open his soul to garroth, garroth knew he wasn’t nearly as brave as that. 

he didn’t realize he had let this slip until gene responded, after a few minutes of being silent. 

“i don’t think i’ve ever heard it like that. the intimacy of being known. i get where you’re coming from in the fear of being known though, because, if i’m honest, garroth, i don’t think you’ve ever been known a goddamn day in your life.”

garroth opened his mouth, and shut it, pressing his lips together. 

“there’s going to be some fear in being this open. and especially since it’s with me, you know?”

garroth corrected him before he could even process it. “i don’t feel fear that it’s you. i feel fear with myself.”

“this might sound dumb. but ignore it.”

garroth pulled on a sweatshirt. “ignore it?” 

“yeah. you’re brave garroth. i know you are. it takes courage to accept someone’s soul before opening your own. and that’s what you’ve done here, isn’t it?”

“i don’t want to be selfish,” garroth objected. 

“fuck that. be selfish. who cares?”

“mmm…” he hummed a bit, unsure how to continue this conversation. 

“i’m almost there, by the way.”

“it’s going to be strange,” garroth realized. “putting your face to this voice.”

“you’ll get used to it. it’ll be strange for me too. but we’ve already spoken face to face like this before. how will this be any different?”

“you’ll be in my room, that’s what’ll be different.”

“wow. didn’t know you thought like that, garroth.”

“that— that is not what i meant, and you know that.” he grumbled in response, his face turning red. 

it was unfair of him to harbor these thoughts, these feelings, when gene trusted him this much to be open. garroth could feel guilt consume his chest, and twisted his hands, both of them going silent. 

“i’m here.”

“okay! i’m gonna hang up then,” garroth replied, forcing himself to push down the guilt. 

“bye~”

“pff, bye.”

reaching for his phone, he ended the call, noticing that it was over 8 hours long. wow. 

reminding herself that gene was waiting, he hurriedly patted his mussed hair, and went to open the door. 

gene stood there, and every insecurity he’s ever known came rushing back to garroth’s mind. garroth just stood there stupidly, and gene gave a small grin. 

“didn’t expect me to actually show up?”

he’s trying so hard to say something, anything . but gene’s fucking tank top was distracting him so much he needed to remind himself how to breathe. 

remembering he needed to let gene in, garroth stepped to the side, forcing himself to inhale. gene stepped in, holding a bag of something in his hand, and set it on the small table in front of the couch, sinking down into it. 

his curiosity about what was in gene’s bag outweighed his utter panic at the moment, and garroth went over to sit down too, habitually pulling his legs in to sit cross legged as he pulled the bag on his lap and looked inside. 

gene had brought him breakfast, and he smiled upon seeing it. carefully, he pulled the various components out, until he got to the bottom, pulling out a very familiar chocolate bar. 

he glanced at it, and glanced over to gene, willing his eyes to stay on his face and not dart down to gene’s exposed collarbone or shoulders, or that part of his chest that was exposed through the arm holes of the shirt. 

“you got all this for me?” his voice was still slightly hoarse and scratchy from waking up, and he cleared it. 

gene smirked a little bit, one corner of his mouth rising higher than the other. “‘course not. i need breakfast too. but i did get some of everything, since i wasn’t sure what you liked.”

garroth relaxed a bit. the chocolate must be a coincidence then. “this is my favorite brand of chocolate,” he smiled, opening it up. 

gene swatted it away before he could eat, and shook his head. “ah ah ah. you shouldn’t eat chocolate on an empty stomach.”

garroth pouted, reluctantly wrapping the chocolate back up. gene handed him something wrapped, and garroth unwrapped it to find a sandwich. 

gene laid back against the couch, already eating. 

there was a tension in the air that should not have been there. a strange pressure to be better than they already were. 

gene hummed while he ate, looking over at garroth. “tell me something,” he said. the words may have seemed harsh, but the way gene said it was gentle, encouraging and opening. 

garroth brightened, finishing his bite. “this is good,” he marvelled. “tell you something? um… great literature books are sometimes overrated and most of them are just racist.”

gene blinked at this, and a surprised grin crossed his face as he took another bite, chewing thoughtfully. “why can’t there ever be a modern great literature book?” he mused. 

“because old things are cooler to decipher.” garroth replied, waving a hand. “it’s hard to break down and analyze because the style is not what we’re used to. isn’t that why people love shakespeare?”

gene tilted his head. “true, that’s true. but even when shakespeare is translated down into modern english, isn’t there still just a good story in the end?”

garroth nodded, a question coming to mind. “gene?”

“mm?” 

“how come you’re not a literature student? or at least, not doing two majors or combining the two?”

gene shrugged. “i couldn’t choose both. it was either one or the other.” his voice was bitter, something garroth related to heavily. he met garroth’s eyes. “either i disappoint my parents by doing art, or i disappoint them by doing literature. i can’t do both.”

oh.

maybe they weren’t so different after all. 

he met gene’s eyes after a moment of silence and offered a small smile. 

and gene smiled back.

they were silent for a few minutes, the sound of eating occupying them more than anything else. 

“i don’t know how dante does it.” gene muttered, looking over at garroth. 

“does what?”

“he’s so open with everyone. he’s genuinely such a good kid, and a good friend.” 

“you’re open too.” garroth pointed out. 

“only to you.”

“is that not enough?” his voice was quiet, and garroth looked away from gene and at the bag in  his lap. 

gene’s response came after a second, and he stretched his legs out on the couch, nudging garroth’s knee with his foot. 

“... i don’t know yet.”

garroth didn’t know what that entailed. “can i have the chocolate now?” 

“pff. sure. you don’t have to listen to me, you know?”

garroth nodded, picking the chocolate bar up and taking a bite, chewing before replying. “it’s nice to feel cared about.”

“i care about you.” 

the confession was quiet, almost shy, and garroth slowly lifted his eyes to look. 

gene wasn’t looking at him. gene was looking away, chewing on the inside of his cheek. 

“.. you really do.” a fond smile crossed garroth’s face. “not many people would fall asleep with me and bring me breakfast at 1am.”

“it’s embarrassing how much i do.” gene scratched his neck, shifting his legs slightly, removing the foot that pressed against garroth’s knee. “i don’t think you know the extent of it.”

“tell me then,” garroth said, his voice daring now. he didn’t know what he was doing.

“i can’t. not yet. it would be weird. i think you’ll find out.”

“i’m not as smart as you give me credit, gene.”

“you’re plenty smart. just a little bit dense.”

garroth’s mouth opened in mock offense and he threw a pillow at gene. “hey! take that back!”

gene laughed, batting the pillow away. “no, i don’t think i will.” he polished off what he was holding, and got up off the couch, checking the time. “it’s 2am. the night is young, garroth.”

garroth looked up at him, up at those eyes, partly covered by black hair. “what do you have in mind?” 

gene gave a cocky grin, and adrenaline began to course through garroth’s veins. gene offered a hand, and garroth took it, standing. 

“we’re going to sneak out for a little bit of fun.” gene told him, his eyes bright with glee. 

“won’t we get in trouble?” garroth asked, slightly worried. 

gene raised an eyebrow. “you’re only in trouble if you get caught, darling.”

“oh shut up, that is such an overused line.”

“gets the job done, doesn’t it?” 

“just because you look attractive while saying it—”

“aw, you think i’m hot.”

“i hate you.”

“you love me, don’t deny it.”

“no, no, fuck you.”

gene lead garroth out the back way, garroth following behind, slightly anxious, but more excited than anything. it was evident that gene had done this many times over, and as he hopped the fence, garroth stuck behind for a second, looking up. 

gene looked back from the other side, and blinked. “oh! my bad.”

he climbed back up and offered a hand to help garroth up. 

garroth bit his lip and took the hand offered, unsteadily climbing up the chain fence. “is this how you got in?” he realized. 

gene nodded, a small smile on his face. “here, balance on top of this for a second.” he jumped down, and opened his arms, giggling. “jump!”

“you have to be kidding me.”

“just do it, come on! i’ll catch you!”

“when did you become so cheesy ?” 

but he jumped anyway, and gene caught him, feeling his knees buckle at the combined weight, garroth’s face smushed into gene’s chest. 

“ack- ack sorry sorry-” garroth apologized hastily, thankful that it was so dark, or else he would have made a complete fool of himself. 

gene steadied garroth patiently, and lead the way through the brief area of trees. 

“where are we going?” garroth asked after a few minutes walk. 

“my apartment.”

garroth blinked, and a teasing grin crossed his face. “wow, moving kinda fast, aren’t we?” 

“oh shut up,” but gene looked back and grinned. “it’s only fair, after all. i’ve been to your dorm twice now, and you haven’t seen my place yet. dante hasn’t invited you over, has he?”

garroth shook his head. “he always said that you wouldn’t like it, and that it was a mess, so we never went.”

“oh that liar. it’s definitely only because it’s a mess. dante can’t keep anything clean for the life of him.” gene parted some leaves, gesturing for garroth to go ahead. 

garroth went ahead, waiting for gene at the clearing. he could see a parking lot ahead, and gene lead him over the parking lot and into the building. 

“since this building isn’t technically part of campus, there’s no curfew,” he grinned, pushing the elevator button for the fourth floor. 

“oh you lucky bastard,” garroth groaned, rubbing his eyes. “i want to do that—”

“don’t worry.” gene turned to look at him, a fond smile on his face. “i’ll break you out whenever you ask.”

“how romantic,” garroth teased, pushing the boundaries as much as he could. 

“i’m glad you like that about me,” gene responded, as the elevator doors dinged open. “rule number one, garroth. i am yet but a hopeless romantic, and i cry at night to romantic movies.”

“oh my god, you are just getting better and better the more i learn about you,” garroth replied, uncontrollably smiling. “what’s the last romantic movie you cried to?”

“you’ll laugh.”

“no! i won’t!” garroth giggled. “tell me!” 

they began walking down the apartment hall, and gene kept his voice down so he didn’t bother any other people living there. 

“i’m telling you—”

“pleaseee?” garroth did something very very brave and stupid and a little bit desperate, and he grabbed gene’s wrist with both hands, blinking his eyes rapidly. 

“you’re so stupid, fine .” gene gave in, rolling his eyes as they came to a stop in front of his apartment door. 

garroth was still holding his wrist, and gene didn’t make any motion for him to let go. so garroth held on. 

gene covered his face with his other hand, mumbling out a movie title. 

garroth stood on his toes to lean closer. “sorry, i didn’t catch that. speak up pleasee.”

he received a glare in return, a playful glare, and gene mumbled, yet again, “pride and prejudice.”

garroth’s eyes widened and his smile grew, if possible, even bigger. “i didn’t take you for a jane austen reader,” he teased. 

“shut up. dante already makes fun of me for it,” he grumbled back, fumbling in his pocket for his keys. 

“no, it’s just cute!” garroth rushed to tell him. “it’s unexpected!”

“thanks so much,” gene replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he pushed the door open. 

garroth went in after gene, looking around curiously. “this is a nice place,” he marveled. it was much bigger than his own dorm, which made sense because it was a two person apartment. 

“it works.” gene answered, and garroth only just realized that gene didn’t go anywhere because garroth was still holding onto him. 

shyly, he dropped gene’s wrist, with a small apology, and continued to look around. there was a kitchen, an eating area, a small living area with a couch, and a hallway off to the side with three doors— two rooms and a bathroom, garroth assumed. 

gene had gone into the kitchen, and garroth followed, leaning over the counter to watch gene work. now, finally, he could take in gene in all his glory, from his tied-out-of-his-face hair to his white tanktop that showed so much of his chest that garroth could barely breathe, to his baggy pants and sandals that held his bare feet. 

good lord, gene was breathtaking. and garroth never got tired of relearning that. 

gene looked over, pulling a pan out. “hungry?”

garroth nodded, gratefully. “if you don’t mind?” 

“a little adventure never hurt anyone, and it causes a good appetite too,” gene quipped, grinning. he turned to turn on the stove, and garroth had the startling realization that gene’s tanktop went down enough to expose the shape of his shoulderblades in his back. 

god. garroth wants to touch them. 

that’s creepy garroth, stop it. 

garroth shook his head clear, and stood. “um, can i use your bathroom?” he asked, drumming his fingers on the counter. 

gene turned back to look at him before indicating the hallway. “it’s the door at the end.” with a knowing smile, he quoted, “there’s soap and extra toilet paper under the sink.”

garroth gave a small, “pfft,” thanking him and heading off. 

this type of thing became routine as time passed on. garroth was a little bit surprised the next time gene called him and then showed up at his place after they slept on call, but he welcomed it, since he was in no place to reject him. 

he only visited gene’s apartment when dante was asleep. gene only came over at the late hours at night. eventually gene got a key to garroth’s dorm, and garroth got a key to gene’s apartment. 

their boundaries became pushed far, farther and farther. at the beginning of the week, they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, making small talk comfortably. 

by the end of two weeks, the couch had a sit mark right in the middle, big enough for the two of them to lay across each other comfortably. 

surprisingly, gene had made the first move about a week after they began this routine. 

garroth was on his couch, on his phone and gene had come back from the bathroom. garroth looked up, resting his head on the back of the couch. “hey there, welcome back.”

gene smiled, crossing around the couch to sit next to garroth, laying down with his head in garroth’s lap. garroth had been startled. “are you okay?” garroth asked hesitantly, his hands above gene’s head, because he wanted to touch gene’s hair, and run his fingers through it, but he had no idea if that would even be allowed. 

“yeah. i’m tired. what’s the time?” 

garroth, cautiously, put his hands down, resting gently on gene’s head. “it’s… 4:30am,” he told gene, his voice quiet, feeling as if he would scare the other boy away. “are you tired? do you want to stay here?” 

“mm, no, i couldn’t do that to you,” gene said sleepily, his cheek resting against garroth’s thigh. he turned to look up at garroth, and garroth, against his better judgement, began running his hands through gene’s hair. “that’s nice,” gene hummed, his eyes drooping. “i might fall asleep on you if you keep that up…”

“getting more sleep is never a bad thing,” garroth responded, flushing slightly at the look gene had given him before he closed his eyes. 

since gene had broken the barrier of physical intimacy, garroth felt less awkward initiating it. 

however the casual intimacy that they had built up hadn’t left their respective rooms yet. garroth was still pestered by his friends on the daily about gene, and every time, garroth deflected the question and moved on. 

dante, however, was unusually perceptive when it came to garroth. he squinted at the travel mug garroth was holding one day at lunch, staring at garroth while he drank from it. 

garroth stopped drinking. “what/” 

“that cup looks awfully familiar.” dante mused, tilting his head. 

garroth panicked. “wh-what do you mean? haha—”

“where did you get it?” dante asked, narrowing his eyes. 

garroth couldn’t very much tell the truth, oh yeah, your brother gave it to me while i was at your apartment at three in the morning . 

“um…” garroth stalled. technically, gene hadn’t said they had to keep their friendship a secret. but garroth wanted to keep gene to himself for a little bit longer. 

dante blinked, still waiting for a response. 

his phone buzzed, saving him, and he picked it up, watching it ring, with gene’s contact at the top. 

biting his lip, he went through an extremely fast debate in his head, before answering the call. 

“hey.”

“hello!” gene’s good mood was infectious, and garroth could feel himself smiling. “where are you right now?”

garroth winced a bit, but he replied honestly. “eating lunch with dante. why, what’s up?”

“i need my cup back. i’m sorry but i forgot to get another one and then i remembered that you have mine, so—”

garroth cut gene off with a gentle, “no, that’s okay! just come here if you want, and i’ll give it to you. do you have anything in retribution?”

he could hear gene’s playful sigh over the phone. “retribution for my own cup?”

“i drive a hard bargain gene.”

oh, shit. he let the name slip. dante was now looking at him, wide-eyed. garroth could see dante make the mental connection, watching his royal blue eyes flicker between the cup and his face. 

garroth glared at him, while gene made his response. “i’ll bring you the chocolate you like.” he said finally, after being silent for a few seconds. 

looking over at his bag, with a chocolate and a note already inside of it, garroth shrugged. “i already have some, but i won’t object to more.”

he had been incredibly excited to receive notes as of late, mostly because they had been increasingly rare as the days went on. maybe that was because he was rarely in a bad mood or upset recently, but they still came in handy. 

earlier today he had found one outside his dorm, with an attached note as always. 

i’ll see you soon sunshine. the earth may stop turning and the tides may never come in, but my affections will forever remain intimate.

don’t hate me too much xx

it was jarringly familiar to him. everything about it was so familiar, and garroth felt a repeated sense of deja vu whenever he scanned it. 

he also had a sinking feeling that this note would be the last.

“i’ll be there in a few minutes,” gene said, and garroth blinked a bit. 

“that’s fast. alright. see you.”

“bye!”

when garroth hung up, dante folded his arms, trying to hide his obvious grin. “sooooo?” 

“so what?” garroth asked, looking determinedly at the work he was supposed to be doing. his lunch was pushed to the side, empty, and dante set down his fork to point at garroth. 

“if laurance were here right now, you would be fucked,” he teased. “but i am much more kind, and forgiving, and so i will let you explain.”

garroth shifted slightly. “there’s nothing really to explain. we’re just friends, and we’ve been hanging out, yknow?”

dante rolled his eyes, “sure, sure. friends who borrow each other’s cups and smile like a fuckin idiot whenever they get calls from each other. i see you.”

“shush.” garroth said simply. “he’s coming over here.”

dante blinked. “huh? why?”

“he wants this back.” he wiggles the cup he held, taking another sip out of it. 

dante seemed satisfied with that answer, leaning back in his chair, picking up his fork and stabbing his food to eat it. 

a few moments later, garroth saw gene approach, and he gave the other boy a wave, kicking dante under the table to make him look up too. 

“hello.” gene greeted, a flicker of a grin on his face. he tugged the cup out of garroth’s hand, fidgeting a bit. “what’s in this?”

“just hot chocolate.”

gene raised his eyebrows, taking a sip, and garroth kicked dante underneath the table again, glaring at him. 

“it’s good. eugh, nevermind, jesus, why is it so sweet?” 

“i like sweets!” garroth defended, leaning his head back to frown up at gene. 

gene just gave him a small grin. “course. that reminds me. chocolate.”

“thank you so much, kind sir.” garroth took the chocolate that gene held out gratefully. 

gene seemed in a rush now, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “right. um. well i’ll be going. come over later, okay?” 

garroth nodded. “yeah. you alright?” 

gene seemed incredibly panicked, but he smiled again. “yeah! yeah, i’m totally okay. mhm. let yourself in when you can.”

he left as quickly as he had come, and garroth blinked at dante. 

dante shook his head. “that was so weird. hey, wait, you’ve been to my place?”

garroth furrowed his eyebrows. “yes? i’ve been there almost every day.”

“what the fuck? when? huh?”

“dante i have a key to your apartment that gene gave me— you haven’t noticed?” 

dante just shook his head. “oh my god, you’ve been fuckin’ at my house!”

re-faced, garroth kicked dante yet again. “what the fuck?! no, we haven’t! we’re friends !”

“friends with terrible sexual tension,” dante grumbled. 

garroth closed his notebook and shoved it into his bag. “you are so rude.”

“you love it,” dante replied absently, staring down at his phone. he looked up as garroth stood. “will you be free this weekend for the mall?”

garroth mentally ticked off a list, and nodded. “yeah, i think so. text me.”

“you’re the boss.”

garroth headed off to his dorm to drop his things off, the chocolate bar in his hand. 

as he put his bag down, he looked at the chocolate bar in his hand. 

it had a note attached to the back. 

for garroth ro’meave :)

garroth blinked down at it, and removed the note carefully from the chocolate. there was a feeling in his chest, something building up. 

water was collecting on one side of the dam. 

looking down at the words, he went over to his desk, sat down and opened the drawer full with notes. 

he rummaged through it until he found the first one, laying it flat on his desk, the message face up. turning it over, he found, in the exact same writing, from all those months ago, three words. 

for garroth ro’meave :)

reaching for the newest note, the one gene had given him, with trembling fingers, he opened it as carefully as he could. 

water continued to build up, the pressure growing stronger. 

the new note lay flat on his desk, and garroth turned the first ever note over as well, doing a side-by-side comparison. 

hey garroth.

thought u could use some chocolate today.

it was the same first sentence as his very first note. but the note gene gave him was much longer, and so he continued to read on.

writing this now, my mind is blank. i had so much to say, and now it refuses to come out. originally, i thought that i would be anonymous forever. originally i thought that this would just be something harmless, for both of us. 

how stupid i was. 

i realize now, looking back, that this might have been inevitable. 

do you believe in fate, garroth? 

no, you don’t. you believe in fate in ways that are smaller than the choices we make. you believe that it’s fate that flowers grow and that trees sway in the wind. but you don’t believe in human fate. 

and despite your disbelief in human fate, i wonder if you would agree that this was inevitable. it was never going to be harmless from the start. i should have known better. 

my mind right now is telling me that i’m saying too much. my soul urges me to continue on. i realize now, that the more i knew you, and the more i got to know you, even before you approached me one day, you were always someone that i noticed. 

you’re very noticeable garroth. you have something about you that draws even the darkest creatures out into the light. and i should know. 

maybe that’s why you remind me so heavily of the sunshine. 

i’ve gotten off track. sorry. 

this might have been the scariest thing i’ve ever done. but after telling you to be brave, the first time we called, i realized that i can’t preach my words without listening to my own advice. 

my hand is shaking right now, can you tell? 

i’m damn terrified you’ll throw this away. you’ll throw them all away after you read this. 

but i don’t blame you if you do. 

if you got this far, i’m glad you listened to me. and i’m so glad you allowed me the choice of showing myself to you. 

all of myself. the parts you knew from me, as dante’s brother, and the parts of me that you knew from these stupid little scribbles. 

both of them are there when i’m with you. and i couldn’t be more relieved. 

if you’ve read this far, i hope you know one thing. 

you might be one of my purposes. and i know that’s a bit of a heavy statement and a burden, but i’m trying my best and you might be the lifeboat that keeps me from sinking into my own thoughts. 

i hope you aren’t put off by this. but i’ll understand if you are. 

yours,

gene. 

the water had burst through the dam, and the pressure that was building up finally released as garroth finished the last line, breathing heavily. it was flowing out of him, this pressure, this water, it was leaking out of every corner of his body. 

and garroth cried.

cried because he was sad, cried because he was happy, cried because he was so damn confused. 

and he cried because he was seen. 

it took him a few minutes. he sat on his desk chair, furiously wiping away tears every few seconds. but when he finally was able to breathe, he felt drained. he felt exhausted, and he looked down at the note once more. 

it was covered in tear splatters, and garroth gave it a watery smile. he left it open on his desk to dry, while he got a glass of water. garroth drank three glasses of water, and didn’t bother to wash his face, picking up his phone and the key to gene’s apartment. 

he went around the normal way this time, simply because he still cannot climb the tall fence without gene’s help. 

soon enough, he found himself at gene’s apartment door. 

he hesitated. he looked awful right now. would gene even be in there? did he take too long? he bit his lip, and summoned every last bit of courage he had, and he inserted the key into the door, opening it with a soft click . 

he peeked in, slightly anxious. the room was empty, however, the lights turned off. 

he took a deep breath, and called out. “gene?” he asked, his voice slightly croaky, stepping inside and closing the door gently behind him. 

no response. 

trying again, garroth cleared his throat and called, “gene?”

this time there was an answer, a quiet response that garroth discovered was coming from gene’s room. “i’m here.”

hearing gene’s voice, after all that was unleashed upon him already, sent a wave through his body, and made his knees buckle. 

but garroth pressed on, until he was at gene’s door. his bedroom door. 

raising a hand, he knocked, hesitantly. 

gene’s response was almost lazy, as he called, “come in.”

okay. garroth exhaled, his stomach churning with anxiety. he put his hand on the doorknob and turned it, slowly stepping in. 

gene was sitting in there, on his phone. no eye contact. 

“gene?” garroth tried, his voice wobbling. 

gene was, as always, absolutely stunning. today, garroth’s mind paired him with a statue, an old greek statue, with those dignified jawlines and piercing eyes. 

piercing eyes that were avoiding him. 

“what’s up, garroth?” gene’s voice was forced, pained, and garroth swallowed, his throat burning. 

“um—” fuck, shit, he was definitely going to start sobbing again. “i just wanted to—” he felt his throat close up, and his eyes burn before he realized that tears were streaming down his face. 

“oh, for fuck’s sake, please look at me .” garroth’s voice cracked, and he wiped at his messy face with his sweater sleeve. 

gene finally looked, and his eyes went wide in panic. “oh. oh, garroth—” he managed to say, before garroth took a hesitant step forwards, hiccuping while he silently sobbed. 

garroth’s face was soaked. his sleeves were damp with the salty tears he tried desperately to wipe away. more kept coming, and he couldn’t seem to stop. 

gene didn’t cry. gene just pulled garroth onto his bed, and into his chest, holding him tight, his chin resting atop garroth’s blonde curls. 

garroth wrapped his arms around gene in return, awkwardly shifting his legs, his entire body shaking with the tears that came out. 

gene continued to hold garroth, and garroth had never felt more warm, more safe, more secure, than in this moment. 

this wasn’t similar to being held by his mother or hugged by his friends. no, this was someone who had somehow seen through every wall that garroth had tried to build up, after all this time. 

finally, ten minutes later, garroth was able to speak without a fresh wave of tears. 

“so,” he hiccuped, his face still buried in gene’s chest. “you care about me?”

gene just held onto him tighter for a moment, before gently pushing garroth away and taking his chin into his own cupped hands. 

looking down at him, a ghost of a smile on his face, gene responded, “i am going to care about you. because you deserve to be cared for.”

garroth pressed his lips together to prevent more crying, choking out, “i.. will too. i will. you have shown me… so much. i will care.. and i will give you what you have given so many people before.”

gene finally smiled, finally teared up, finally let loose of his rampant emotions. “i’ll love you the way you love everything.” he whispered. 

“why?” garroth asked, as gene pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. 

“because to me? you are my definition of love.” gene responded. “and for now, that’s enough.”