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Obi-Wan was a child.
Well, maybe not a child.
But he couldn’t have been much older than Ahsoka. Maybe 13, 14? Anakin couldn’t tell. This miniature Obi-Wan looked very small in the large Council chambers, glancing around the room with slightly panicked eyes. Anakin wouldn’t have recognized him if not for the distinctively “Obi-Wan” force signature surrounding him (as well as the fact that Yoda had introduced him to Anakin as Obi-Wan).
“What the kriff?” Anakin had blurted out before he could stop himself.
The boy had whipped around and stared at Anakin with wide eyes, projecting a slight air of panic and distress in the Force before smoothing his expression over and throwing up his shields. He managed to give Anakin a small, polite nod before quickly turning towards Yoda. Anakin furrowed his eyebrows, now even more confused than before.
“Knight Skywalker,” Yoda now said pleasantly, interrupting his thoughts, “A problem, we have.”
Anakin almost snorted. Yeah, he could see that.
“What’s happened?” he asked, glancing at the child who was now avoiding his gaze.
“Touched a Sith holocron, Master Kenobi has.”
Of course he had. Anakin resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
“Tell me why I’m not surprised,” he muttered under his breath.
This quiet comment, strangely, made the small child beside him flinch.
What in the nine hells? Anakin thought, trying not to dwell on his tiny master's newfound sensitivity to snark.
“Investigating how to reverse the trasnformation, Master Windu is,” Yoda continued benignly.
Anakin was not exactly thrilled to hear this, as Master Windu was probably his least favorite person in the galaxy. But, eying a slightly-terrified Obi-Wan, Anakin supposed even he could admit that Windu was the best Jedi for the job. He had the most experience with dark objects like sith holocrons, as he always seemed to be more in touch with the Dark than anyone else in the Order.
Not that anyone would ever think he was dangerous, Anakin thought, somewhat bitterly.
“And what are we supposed to do in the meantime?” he ground out, his anger coloring his words, causing them to come out a little harsher than he had meant them to. He tried to reign himself in, nodding stiffly towards Obi-Wan, “What is he going to do? Or the 212th?”
“Stay here at the Temple in your shared chambers, Master Kenobi will. Lead the 212th, Commander Cody can.” Yoda replied serenely.
Hm.
He supposed that would work. Cody was pretty competent. But what about Obi-Wan? He glanced at the boy, who seemed to be shrinking into himself.
“Who will Obi-Wan stay with?" Anakin asked, "He can’t be left alone in this state.”
Yoda grinned, like he was in on some sort of joke that Anakin was not privy to. “Why you are to stay with him, this is.”
This revelation, for some reason, made Obi-Wan look panicked. Anakin tried to push down a slight stab of hurt at his master’s apparently horrified reaction to having to live with him and pretended he hadn't noticed.
“What about Ahsoka and the 501st?”
Yoda hummed good-naturedly. “Joining up his troops with yours, Master Koon will be. Take good care of young Ahsoka, he will.”
Well, if Anakin couldn’t be with Ahsoka, then Master Plo Koon was the next best thing.
Actually, he mused silently, second best, but the Jedi he would have chosen first was currently a teenager himself.
“Please,” Obi-Wan said suddenly, pulling Anakin from his worries, “Where is Master Jinn?”
Kriff.
Anakin looked away, uncomfortable, and Yoda’s ears drooped slightly. Anakin waited for Yoda to take the lead on this one, but the small green Jedi remained quiet, gazing sadly at Obi-Wan.
After a moment of heavy silence, Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut and nodded tightly.
“Ah,” he said softly—sadly—though he did not appear to be surprised, “I see. I was wondering why I couldn’t feel him through our bond.”
His gaze remained fixed on the floor of the Council chambers, and then he took a deep breath.
“It…it was my fault, wasn’t it.”
Anakin straightened at once.
“What? Of course not, Obi-Wan!” he exclaimed, reaching out to his master in the Force instinctively.
But Obi-Wan flinched away from him, his shields tightening. Anakin immediately retracted his presence.
“Please don’t do that,” he whispered to Anakin, avoiding his eyes.
Anakin managed to nod, trying not to let his hurt bleed through the bond.
Yoda was frowning, but he simply waddled over to Obi-Wan, leaning over his walking stick. “Your fault, Qui-Gon’s death was not. All you need to know for now, that is.”
Obi-Wan didn’t respond. Yoda lifted his mouth up into a soft smile before tapping his stick on the ground gently.
“Come,” he beckoned to Obi-Wan, “Rest, you must.”
Yoda left the Council chambers, a small and solemn Obi-Wan trailing after him.
This is not good, Anakin thought, watching them retreat.
***
“Master Yoda said I raised you.”
Anakin paused his washing of the dishes and turned to look at Obi-Wan, a little surprised. It was the first thing he had said to him since he and Anakin had moved into their temple chambers together two days ago.
After a beat, Obi-Wan seemed to steel himself and continued.
“That I took you on after Master Jinn—” He stopped himself, looking out the window and taking a steadying breath. “That I was… I was your master.”
Anakin nodded hesitantly. He didn’t want to scare Obi-Wan away by making any loud or sudden movements. Anakin didn’t quite understand why the young version of his master disliked him so much, and he didn’t want to disrupt this first, delicate conversation. He didn’t want to admit it, but he had missed Obi-Wan… a lot.
“Yes,” Anakin began slowly, “You did—were. My master that is.” He internally cringed at his clunky response.
Obi-Wan turned and looked at him. Anakin tried to smile in a non-frightening way and project peace and warmth into the Force, but this only made Obi-Wan tighten his shields and shuffle off into his rooms.
Great job, Skywalker, Anakin thought sarcastically.
He sighed to himself and bent down to continue washing the dishes. He prepared himself to wait another two days for another shot at a full conversation.
Turns out, he only had to wait two hours.
Anakin had been in the training room, sparring with Master Luminara Unduli, who had just gotten back from a particularly boring diplomatic mission. After a few matches, Anakin and Luminara were both dripping in sweat, exhausted but glowing. Anakin had bowed to Luminara, and she graciously bowed in turn, taking her leave to go shower. Anakin watched her retreat, smiling. That had been fun. He hadn’t had an opponent who was able to match or challenge him in a spar in a while. Well, besides, of course, Obi-Wan—
“How did you turn out so good?” came a voice behind him.
Anakin immediately whipped around, startled. Obi-Wan stood at the entrance of the training room, a small frown on his face, his eyebrows knitted together in frustration.
“What?” Anakin asked, too baffled to remember to soften his tone.
Obi-Wan stared at him for a moment. “You,” he began, gesturing towards Anakin’s lightsaber, “You’re really good at that. Sparring. Better… better than anyone I’ve ever seen.”
Anakin tried not to glow under his master’s praise (as this Obi-Wan wasn’t really his master). He grinned, feeling cautious hope blossom in his chest.
“I have heard I’m pretty good,” Anakin went with, adding a slight teasing lilt to his voice.
A ghost of a smile flitted across Obi-Wan’s face.
Yes, progress! Anakin thought excitedly.
He decided to push his luck.
“Would you like to spar together?” Anakin asked, trying to smile encouragingly.
Obi-Wan hesitated, but eventually nodded slowly. Anakin tried not to let his joy slip through the bond.
“Okay. Soresu, right?”
Obi-Wan cheeks colored. “I… I haven’t mastered a style yet.”
Kriff, that was right. Obi-Wan was a bit too young to have picked a preferred style. Anakin hid his embarrassment with a short dip of his head. At least Obi-Wan was still talking to him and was no longer staring at him like Anakin had just killed his pet lothcat.
“No problem. I’ll go with Djem So, then,” Anakin replied breezily.
Obi-Wan tilted his head slightly, seeming to be appraising him and this answer. Anakin could almost see the wheels turning in his master’s head.
Djem So—an aggressive style for uncivilized brutes.
Well, that’s what Anakin assumed he was thinking. Obi-Wan, however, didn’t say anything else and simply walked in front of Anakin and ignited his lightsaber, positioning himself into the opening stance of Ataru.
Anakin took a breath and ignited his own lightsaber. He was about to step into the first stance of Djem So, but at the last second, made a split-second decision and slipped into Vaapad’s opening stance. Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, and then, before Anakin could blink, switched to Soresu. Anakin grinned, feeling adrenaline begin to rush through his veins. This would be fun.
“You seem confident,” Obi-Wan said, tone carefully neutral.
“Well, everything I know, I learned from you,” Anakin replied, daringly sending a gentle nudge of affection towards Obi-Wan in the Force.
But this was the wrong thing to do. Obi-Wan’s shields slammed down (Anakin hadn’t even noticed they had been lifted, dammit) and his face went completely blank.
Sithspit! Anakin thought, angry at himself for somehow messing up a simple conversation with his master again.
“Oh, man, Obi-Wan,” Anakin tried desperately, “I’m sorry. I know you don’t like it when I do… stuff in the bond.”
Obi-Wan did not look comforted. He simply sheathed his saber, turned on his heel, and almost sprinted out the door.
Anakin swore loudly, falling back onto the training mat with a plop.
***
Anakin tried to refrain from glaring at Master Windu as he addressed the Council. He looked so smug, so casual, like he owned the room, and deserved respect. None of the Jedi on the Council ever looked at Anakin with respect. Except maybe Obi-Wan (when Anakin wasn’t making the man roll his eyes or sigh heavily).
“…So, overall, this is good news for our situation,” Master Windu was saying, voice deep and confident, reverberating around the room, “It seems as though the effects of the holocron are temporary, and will wear off in one month standard.”
One month? Anakin suppressed a groan. He wasn’t sure he could deal with tiny Obi-Wan for a whole month. This past week had been hard enough. Though he supposed this news was better than what he had secretly feared—that this change would be permanent, and Anakin would never get to see his master again.
“Knight Skywalker,” Windu continued, grimacing minutely and nodding at Anakin, “Will be tasked with taking Master Kenobi back to the spot of his initial contact with the holocron on Endor. Apparently, proximity to this location will aid in the reverse transformation.”
“Will I be going alone?” Anakin asked, not caring when Windu fixed him with an unimpressed glare for his interruption.
“Knight Skywalker will go alone,” Windu stated formally, addressing the chamber as a whole.
Kriff you, too, Anakin thought.
“Then, after the transformation, Knight Skywalker and Master Kenobi will return to the Temple. With Master Che’s permission, Master Kenobi will return to the frontlines with the 212th, and Skywalker will return to the 501st.”
Well, they seemed to have Anakin’s whole next month mapped out. He felt a pang in his heart, thinking about how much he would miss Ahsoka and Rex.
“Any questions?” Windu asked, then gave Anakin a sidelong glance, “Objections?”
Anakin scowled, but shook his head. The rest of the Council also seemed satisfied with his report. Yoda gave Windu a short nod and waved his hand to dismiss the session.
The Jedi all began filing out of the chambers, save for Master Yoda. Anakin stood and walked towards the exit as well, but he lingered at the door. Once everyone had disappeared from view, Anakin cleared his throat awkwardly.
Yoda didn’t seem surprised to see Anakin still standing in the room, as upon noticing him, he only sat down slowly, closed his eyes, and began meditating.
Anakin remained where he was. He nervously played with a loose string on his robes before speaking.
“I’m pretty sure Obi-Wan hates me.”
Yoda chuckled at Anakin’s sullen declaration, but he kept his eyes closed. “Hate you, Master Kenobi could not,” he replied evenly.
“Yeah, maybe Master Kenobi couldn’t hate me,” he grumbled, though Anakin wasn’t completely sure about that—he wasn’t sure how Obi-Wan would feel about him if he knew the truth of what happened after his mother had died. He shook those thoughts away. “But Padawan Kenobi is another story.”
Yoda, infuriatingly, only chuckled again. “The same person, they are!”
Anakin wanted to stomp his foot. They were so not. Padawan Kenobi was skittish, shy, and extremely scared of Anakin. Master Kenobi was steady, confident, and very much not afraid to go head-to-head with his former apprentice. Anakin missed him. He must have projected some of this anguish into the Force because Master Yoda shifted slightly, his smile falling, before speaking again.
“Talk to him, you should.”
“I’ve tried! He just runs away.”
Yoda harrumphed. “Do or do not, young Skywalker. There is no try.”
Anakin, graciously, did not kick the little green troll in response.
***
The third night of the second week, Anakin awoke to screaming.
It was horrible screaming, coating Anakin’s mind with terror and pain. Anakin instinctively reached out into the bond with Ahsoka, as she had been having nightmares lately. But a second later, he realized where he was (and where Ahsoka was) and bolted upright. There was only one person who could elicit that sort of reaction in Anakin and affect his Force signature that much.
Obi-Wan.
Anakin practically threw his sheets to the side and ran into the adjoining room. A small body was thrashing in the bed, panic and fear emanating off the boy. Kriff, Anakin thought, scrambling to Obi-Wan’s side. He crawled onto the bed, sending out as many calming feelings as he could in the Force. He shook Obi-Wan’s side to get him to wake.
Obi-Wan’s eyes shot open, wild and red-rimmed from tears. “Master Jinn?” he said hoarsely, confusedly, and he reached out towards Anakin.
Anakin, heart plummeting, grabbed onto Obi-Wan’s proffered hand and gave it a quick squeeze. Obi-Wan latched onto his fingers tightly and shuddered. Anakin, unsure of what to do, cautiously placed a hand on his back. Obi-Wan tensed briefly, which made Anakin pause, but then the younger boy’s body seemed to give out and he leaned into Anakin’s touch, still shaking.
They stayed like that for a while, Obi-Wan slowly calming down, until Anakin thought he had finally fallen asleep. Just as he gently lifted himself off the bed and began to retreat to his own room, he heard a soft, broken,
“I’m sorry.”
Anakin looked over his shoulder, startled, but Obi-Wan only turned away from the door so that his back was facing Anakin.
He did not speak again.
***
Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan out of the corner of his eye. Good, he was sitting (still quietly) by the campfire. Anakin couldn’t have him getting into trouble mere hours before he would be transformed back into regular Obi-Wan. Fantastic, great, regular Obi-Wan, who didn’t flinch every time Anakin so much as looked at him. And didn’t stop talking completely after one (1) nightmare. He had given up on attempting to get Obi-Wan to speak after the fourth day of begging, scaring, bribing, and coaxing. He would just wait it out.
Only a few more hours, he told himself. Only a few more hours, and he would stop feeling so rejected and hurt. It had been a tough month. Not only on Anakin, but also on the galaxy, as it had lost its two best generals during the height of the Separatist conflict with no explanation. Anakin was excited to see Rex and the troops again. He wondered, as he had during the past four weeks, how the 501st and 212th were faring. He wished he could be there with them. But it was only a few more hours here on Endor.
Crack.
Anakin stood up immediately, hand going to his lightsaber. He felt Obi-Wan do the same beside him. Without looking back at the smaller boy, he motioned for him to wait. Anakin scanned the tree line, noticing a sharp shadow flitting in and out of the forest. Anakin grimaced. Great, now he was going to have to fight something.
Trusting that mini-Obi-Wan was as much as a rule-follower as regular Obi-Wan, Anakin cautiously ventured out towards the woods, turning on his lightsaber. He got to the edge of the forest and stopped, closing his eyes and letting the Force wash through him.
There, it whispered to him, and Anakin whipped around to his left and sliced upwards. He heard a screech and a thud as the right ear of the creature fell to the ground in front of him. Anakin smirked. Too easy.
The creature retreated back towards the safety of the trees, eyes finally becoming visible as they shimmered in the light of Anakin’s saber. It stayed still, leaning forward as if it was ready to spring at any moment. They engaged in this stare-off for around thirty seconds before Anakin got bored and did something his master might have called “stupid.”
He jumped.
So did the creature.
They met in mid-air, Anakin’s saber only clipping off the tips of the creature’s fur while the creature’s claws skimmed off Anakin’s chest. Anakin landed with a slight wince. Kriff, that hurt. Anakin was dimly aware of someone calling out his name in a panicked voice. He ignored it and touched his chest. He was annoyed to feel slick blood on his fingers when he pulled them back. How embarrassing. He glared at the creature. Just as he was about to pounce on the creature again—and finish it this time—Anakin was suddenly and violently thrown two hundred yards to the left by invisible hand.
The hell? Anakin barely had time to think before hearing a small, angry cry and the sound of a lightsaber activating. Dazed, Anakin managed to lift his head. To his utter amazement, he saw Obi-Wan ferociously attacking the creature. Unable to move (out of discomfort or surprise, Anakin couldn’t say), he watched as Obi-Wan slashed and jumped at the animal, his face contorted into an expression of unmistakable rage. Anakin had never seen Obi-Wan look—or feel—so angry. His rage was coming off of him and into the Force in waves, so strong and so powerful that Anakin almost fell again on his back.
As Anakin watched, Obi-Wan stabbed the creature in the heart with one final, swift movement, and it fell, limp and unmoving, to the ground. Anakin stared at Obi-Wan in confusion and a little bit of awe as the young boy stood over the body, panting. Anakin slowly lifted himself up into a standing position, sheathing his lightsaber.
“What. Was that?”
The next thing he knew, a small, warm body was pummeling into him, radiating relief so strong it was almost palpable. Anakin let out a grunt and caught the body automatically in his arms.
“…Obi-Wan?” He managed, so, so confused.
“Don’t ever do that again! You could have been hurt!” A muffled, accented voice cried into his shoulder, more of that relief and lingering fear bleeding into the Force. The voice—and the accompanying scolding—sounded so much like his Obi-Wan that Anakin forgot for a moment.
“Sorry, Master,” he mumbled reflexively.
Ah, sithspit, he thought, but it was too late. Obi-Wan almost ripped himself out of Anakin’s embrace, his face hardening and his shields slamming up. Yesterday, this would have made Anakin’s heart hurt. Yesterday, Anakin would have cringed inwardly and tried to apologize. But this wasn’t yesterday. Anakin had had mere hours left before he got to see his Master again and didn’t have to feel this absolutely crushing rejection every time a younger version of his best friend showed how much he feared him—hated him, even. So, Anakin got mad.
“Karking hell, Obi-Wan!” He snapped, ignoring Obi-Wan’s startled step backwards. “Why the kriff do you hate me so much?”
Obi-Wan’s eyes widened, and he stared up at Anakin incredulously. But Anakin didn’t care. He was done tiptoeing around this fake Obi-Wan, this terrible Obi-Wan who pushed him away and liked everyone better than Anakin.
Let him run away again, Anakin thought. See if I care.
But to Anakin’s annoyance, Obi-Wan did not run away.
“I don’t hate you,” Obi-Wan finally said, right before Anakin was about to give up and walk off.
Anakin scoffed. “Well, it sure seems like it. What do you call avoiding me for the past month? What did I do to you, huh?”
Obi-Wan winced, and Anakin felt the younger boy’s shields tighten even more.
Whatever, he thought, and moved to brush past Obi-Wan to the campfire, where he would sit and wait for his real Master to show up.
But Obi-Wan startled him again.
“You didn’t do anything.”
Anakin paused, raising a skeptical eyebrow at the teenager in front of him. Obi-Wan’s eyes finally shifted to his, and to Anakin’s surprise, there were tears in them.
“I’m the failure,” he whispered, his voice cracking.
This stopped Anakin short. He gaped at Obi-Wan, whose tears were now flowing freely down his face.
“I’m the failure,” Obi-Wan repeated when Anakin doesn’t respond, a little louder this time, “I failed Qui-Gon, I failed you, I failed the Jedi Order! They should have sent me to the AgriCorps, I knew it, I knew it—”
“Obi-Wan, what are you talking about?” Anakin interrupted, astounded.
At this, Obi-Wan’s face crumbled completely. “You don’t know,” he whispered in a strangled voice.
“Know what?” Anakin yelled, frustrated.
Obi-Wan flinched away, and Anakin sighed.
“Hey—it’s okay,” he relented, softening his tone, “Just tell me. What don’t I know?”
Obi-Wan put his hands in his head and muffled sobs burst through. Anakin reached out to touch his shoulder, but the younger boy somehow dodged him.
“No! I’m a terrible Jedi! I…” Obi-Wan lifted his head up briefly, tears coating his face, “I broke the Code. I tried to fix it—I’m trying to fix it, but it’s not working, it’s not going away—” He stopped, gasping for breath between sobs.
“Hey, it’s okay, hey, breathe,” he took Obi-Wan’s chin in his heads and mimicked taking deep breaths in and out like Obi-Wan had done for him growing up. Obi-Wan’s eyes got bigger as he tried to nod and take in gulps of air. He was still trembling.
“What’s not going away?” Anakin asked gently, when the teenager had more control of himself.
Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut, just as he had done that first day when he had found out that Qui-Gon was dead. Then, so quiet that Anakin almost didn’t hear, he whispered,
“My attachment.”
Huh? Anakin thought, staring at Obi-Wan and feeling baffled beyond measure. He wracked his brain for an explanation.
“…to Satine?”
It was, evidently, the wrong thing to say, because this made Obi-Wan promptly burst into tears again.
“Who’s Satine?” he wailed. “Another attachment?”
Oh, Anakin was so bad at this. He stared at Obi-Wan helplessly as the boy continued to sob gut-wrenching sobs and curl in on himself.
“Satine’s no one!” Anakin tried frantically, “I was just kidding!”
Obi-Wan ignored him. Kriff, kriff, kriff. Anakin attempted to send out soothing feelings into the Force, knowing that Obi-Wan would probably reject them. It, unsurprisingly, didn’t work. If anything, it only heightened Obi-Wan’s frayed emotions in the Force, which, in turn, caused Anakin to feel even more upset as well. The Force swirled dangerously around them.
“I don’t understand, Obi-Wan! I can’t help you if I don’t understand.” Anakin pleaded, willing the Force to calm down and failing yet again.
Obi-Wan was clutching his head, shaking it back and forth. “I’m so sorry, Qui-Gon, I failed you” he mumbled almost incoherently, the words jumbling into each other and his pain curling around him like an angry cocoon, “He deserved a better master, I’m so sorry, I was too weak, you were right, I’m so sorry—”
Anakin desperately tried to reach through the storm of emotions to get to Obi-Wan, to help him, to do something, but the Force would not let him pass through.
“Please, Obi-Wan,” Anakin was almost yelling now over the noise in the Force, in their bond, “It’ll be okay, I swear! Just—just release your emotions into the Force, okay?”
Worryingly, Obi-Wan didn’t respond or even acknowledge that Anakin had spoken. Anakin took a deep, steadying breath, trying to center himself in the Force. He couldn’t very well help Obi-Wan if he himself was unbalanced. He closed his eyes. Then, with all the strength he had left, he reached out into the Force and pushed. Just as he felt to the storm around Obi-Wan begin to give, cave in, and he could almost reach Obi-Wan—
“No!” Obi-Wan screamed, and Anakin’s eyes snapped open. Obi-Wan was staring at him with a wild expression, “Get away from me! You have to—I won’t drag you down with me!”
And before Anakin could react, his arms shot out and Anakin was violently thrown—for a second time that night—across the field.
He landed with a hard thud on his back, letting out an involuntary groan. The world spun in front of his eyes as he lay there for a bit, disoriented. Then, he felt (more than heard) the sound of feet pounding on the ground, running towards him.
“Oh, no—” Obi-Wan gasped when he reached Anakin, his voice cracking, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—Anakin, oh no—”
It was the first time Obi-Wan had said his name since becoming a child. And despite the horrible month he had had, the turmoil and hurt curling in his gut at every waking moment, this simple reminder of the way things used to be—hearing his master say his name like he cared about him—made Anakin smile.
Of course, this smile sent Obi-Wan into another fit of despair.
“Why are you smiling, I just threw you about a hundred feet—oh, stars, are you dying? Is that what this is? Oh my god, I killed you, I killed you—”
“Hey,” Anakin interrupted him gently, brushing Obi-Wan’s padawan braid from his face.
Obi-Wan froze, his eyes swimming with tears again.
“I’m alright,” Anakin said, still smiling, “You haven’t killed me, I promise. It’s going to take a little more than a Force blast to defeat me.”
Obi-Wan let out a choked cry and then fell forward onto Anakin’s chest, gripping him so tight that Anakin had trouble catching his breath. Shocked but relieved, Anakin cautiously snaked his arms around the trembling teenager, stroking Obi-Wan’s hair with his left hand. Obi-Wan just held onto Anakin like his life depended on it, his tears slowly soaking Anakin’s robes through.
It was one of the most baffling moments Anakin had ever experienced.
***
Anakin woke up with a start. He blinked blearily, confused as to why he felt like there was a Republic Cruiser lying on his chest. He lifted his head to see a fully-grown Obi-Wan sprawled on top of him, his head nestled right below Anakin’s chin.
He’s back! Anakin thought, so excited he almost whooped with joy.
He must have projected that thought a little too loudly in the Force, because Obi-Wan stirred, opening his eyes slowly and taking in his current, somewhat precarious position on top of his former padawan. He met Anakin’s sparkling gaze bemusedly.
“Well, hello there, Anakin.”
And that was all it took. Anakin almost cried in relief, immediately wrapping his arms around his master and squeezing tightly. Obi-Wan, confused but amicable, gave a surprised chuckled and gave Anakin a brief squeeze back.
“Good morning to you, too, Padawan,” Obi-Wan said, voice muffled in Anakin’s shoulder.
Anakin couldn’t stop grinning. He wanted to stay like this forever, feeling safe, feeling like he was home, but he could tell Obi-Wan was rather confused. Anakin reluctantly pulled back to look at his master, taking him in. His twinkling blue eyes, his weary but kind smile, his beard—thank the stars above, he had a beard again. He was back. Embarrassingly, Anakin felt his eyes fill up with tears. Obi-Wan’s amused expression turned to one of concern.
“Are you alright?” he asked worriedly as he sent out a wave of reassurance through their bond and oh, how Anakin had missed their bond! He desperately reached back through the Force, and to his joy, Obi-Wan reached back, meeting him in the middle. Anakin almost physically sagged with relief, a knot of tension inside him easing. He could breathe. Obi-Wan was back.
“Yeah,” he managed, his voice not quite cracking but sounding rather gruff, “Just happy to see you.”
Obi-Wan still looked mildly puzzled, but he nodded in acceptance and gave Anakin a quick smile.
“Well,” Obi-Wan said, “If you don’t mind, I’m going to attempt to untangle myself from you.”
Anakin flushed and gave him a sheepish grin, “Sorry, Master.”
Obi-Wan gently slid off Anakin and pushed himself off the ground to his feet, brushing his robes off. “Quite alright. Certainly not the most compromising position I’ve woken up in.”
Anakin laughed a delighted laugh. His former master, again, gave him a bemused glance and raised his eyebrow questioningly. Anakin just waved him off good-naturedly. He’d explain everything later, he thought to himself as he got to his feet. But right now, Obi-Wan was back. He grinned. Today was going to be great.
And it was.
It was so great, actually, that he almost forgot about what had happened the night before.
***
Almost.
After explaining what had happened to a perplexed Obi-Wan, who had no memory of the past month, Anakin and his master returned to the Temple. Master Che cleared Obi-Wan for duty but informed him that she wanted to keep him at the Temple overnight for observation. Anakin discovered he didn’t care that he had to say one more night away from his troops and padawan. No, he didn’t care at all, not now that Obi-Wan was back.
Their clothes and supplies successfully packed for the next day, Obi-Wan decided to busy himself by making tea for the both of them in their quarters. He worked quietly in the kitchen while Anakin sat on the couch, content to simply watch him.
“So, did my younger self say anything embarrassing?” Obi-Wan asked Anakin casually, throwing him a teasing glance from over his shoulder.
Anakin froze, everything from the last month—from the last night—flooding back over him. He couldn’t tell him. What if this was the chance Obi-Wan had been waiting for Anakin’s whole life – his “out.” Maybe he did hate Anakin, or he was scared of him somehow. Anakin remained silent, afraid if he said anything, his tone would betray his fear.
Obi-Wan paused his tea making, turning around to face Anakin. “Is everything alright, Padawan?”
“Oh. Yes.”
They were both silent for a moment, Obi-Wan’s curiosity seeping into the Force.
Anakin took a deep breath. He could do this. He was the Hero With No Fear. “You did say something funny.”
“Did I?”
“You did.” Anakin fidgeted with the hem of his robes.
“Well, what did I say?”
Anakin hesitated. “You said… you said you were a failure.”
Obi-Wan left out a chuckle at this. “Well, I was certainly never the most confident padawan in the bunch.”
Anakin frowned. “I don’t know, Master. It was kind of weird. You seemed really upset.” He paused again, Obi-Wan looking at him expectantly, “You were, uh, crying and used the Force to throw me away from you twice.”
Obi-Wan blinked at him a few times, a hint of worry radiating off him. “Oh?”
Anakin avoided his gaze and twiddled with his thumbs as he sat on the couch. “Yeah.” He continued, trying to talk really fast to get it all out. “You, uh. Didn’t really like me very much.”
“I find that difficult to believe,” Obi-Wan said, his eyebrows furrowed.
“Yeah, it was weird. You would flinch away from me in the bond, and you had your shields up really tight. I thought you were just scared to be in a new environment. Plus, you had just learned Qui-Gon had died, but you weren’t scared of anyone else? And then every time I would almost get through to you, you would run away like you were terrified of me—like truly terrified.”
Anakin stopped, looking at Obi-Wan for some sort of reaction, but Obi-Wan’s face had gone carefully blank, and now he was avoiding Anakin’s gaze. Anakin felt a surge of panic rise in his chest.
“Obi-Wan?” He prodded, heart beating fast.
“That… sounds quite strange,” Obi-Wan finally replied.
Anakin’s panic suddenly morphed into anger. “Strange? Strange?! This has been one of the worst months of my life—it’s more than just ‘strange!’” The words tumbled out of Anakin, all his frustration and hurt surfacing, “You didn’t speak to me for weeks! And then, the last day, you were so upset. You were crying and telling me how you had failed, and you broke the Jedi Code. And you kept talking about how you had this attachment, and you were trying to fix it or something, but it wasn’t working, and you were so sad and scared of me and I didn’t know what to do—I didn’t understand what was happening—I still don’t understand what happened—please, Obi-Wan, tell me what was happening—"
“Peace, Padawan,” Obi-Wan’s gentle voice cut through the air, loud and clear.
Anakin forced himself to meet his masters’ eyes.
“Calm down. Breathe with me.”
Anakin complied after a moment of hesitation, belatedly realizing that his cheeks were wet with tears. He felt his heart rate begin to slow. When he could breathe safely again, Obi-Wan fixed him with a steady gaze.
“I think I may know what happened,” Obi-Wan told Anakin carefully.
Anakin tensed, waiting for him to say “You finally figured it out—I hate you” or scream at him to leave, but Obi-Wan only sighed.
“I suppose,” he began, suddenly sounding exhausted, “that my younger self may have felt my current’s self’s…slight attachment to you.”
Anakin’s world stopped.
“…To me?” Anakin squeaked, coming out a little higher in pitch than he intended.
Obi-Wan’s lips briefly twitched upwards. “Yes, Anakin. To you.”
Anakin’s mouth dropped open.
He didn’t understand.
Obi-Wan was the best of all of them.
There was no way he had an attachment to anyone, especially Anakin Skywalker of all people. It simply wasn’t possible.
But Obi-Wan was still talking.
“I care a great deal for you, Anakin, you know that—”
Yeah, he knew that, but he never went so far as to believe it was anything other than a general, obligatory, friendly care, let alone attachment.
"But attachments…” Obi-Wan trailed off. “They are a tricky business. As Jedi, we must walk a very thin line between compassion and attachment. I am afraid that throughout our years together, I may have overstepped that line.”
Anakin couldn’t believe his ears.
“I am hopeful, though, that if it came down to it, I would be able to let you go for the benefit of the galaxy.” Obi-Wan sighed. “I am hopeful,” he repeated, but then stared down at the empty mug he was cradling, “but I am not certain.”
Anakin tried to catch his master’s eyes, desperately trying to figure out if this was an elaborate prank or if he was dreaming or something. Yet Obi-Wan did not look up and just kept talking.
“There have been… many times where I have endangered a mission or disobeyed orders to save your life. So far, none of these instances have been severely consequential, and the decision has never involved the fates of large numbers of people. But,” Obi-Wan hesitated briefly, “I am not sure what I would do if the decision did.”
Obi-Wan fell silent. Anakin’s emotions were swirling. Obi-Wan was attached to him. And he was telling Anakin, looking sad and miserable and so, so old. Oh stars, he did hate Anakin. He resented him; he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him. Anakin swallowed down his pain and looked down. He had to do this. Obi-Wan was clearly too kind to tell him directly, but he knew. He could no longer be around Obi-Wan, not when he was dragging him down and making him a horrible Jedi.
Now it was Anakin who took a steadying breath. “I-I’m sorry, I just—I can request that the 501st not be assigned to missions with the 212th anymore, if you’d like.”
Obi-Wan’s head popped up, his eyes wide in alarm. “What? Whatever do you mean?”
“I… I’m clearly causing you pain, Obi-Wan, I truly am sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
Obi-Wan’s mouth hung open, his forehead creased. “Stars, no, Anakin! No! You don’t have to be sorry—oh my.”
Anakin looked up, feeling cautious hope and confusion bloom in his chest. Obi-Wan stood up and walked over to Anakin, concern lacing through the Force in every step. He knelt in front of Anakin and took the younger man’s hands in his.
“Listen to me, Padawan,” he said very gently, “You do not need to be sorry for anything. I have never been and never will be a perfect Jedi, despite what you may believe." Anakin opened his mouth to protest, but Obi-Wan stopped him with a quiet smile. “And I promise you, I do not want you gone from my life."
Anakin slumped forward in relief.
“If anything,” Obi-Wan continued, “I should be apologizing to you for how I handled this situation. I should not have kept this from you. I did not know how to approach the topic with you, and I’ll admit, I was a little embarrassed,” He smiled faintly before looking serious again, “But it is nothing to be ashamed of.”
Anakin’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “But I thought Jedi shouldn’t have attachments.”
Obi-Wan nodded. “Yes, that is true. It is dangerous to hold as much power as we do and to also have attachments, to have people we would burn down the galaxy for—”
(Anakin internally winced. Well, I have a few of those, he thought)
“—but we are of course allowed to love, as long as that love is a selfless love.”
Anakin straightened in shock. Love? He hadn’t known they were talking about love.
But Obi-Wan’s eyes were far away, and he didn’t notice Anakin’s reaction. “Like I said, it is a delicate balance. I would like to believe I have successfully balanced what I feel for you—”
What he feels for me? Could he mean—?
“—and my duty to the world, but as I mentioned, I have never been quite sure." Obi-Wan said a little sadly, a little distantly, "I suppose one day, I’ll find out.”
Anakin’s head spun.
“But,” Obi-Wan said, shaking his head and coming back to the present, “I can easily see how my younger self would have interpreted what I feel for you.” He chuckled, “Oh, he must have sensed it immediately. That would have been alarming to him, indeed, to see you and suddenly feel such a strong emotional connection.”
Anakin’s brain could not keep up with all this new information. It was simply too much to handle. Obi-Wan seemed to notice Anakin’s panic in the bond because he paused and cleared his throat.
“Ah, yes, I apologize. I was just thinking out loud. Anyways...” he met Anakin’s questioning eyes again, looking serious but kind. “I formally apologize for my younger self’s actions for the past few weeks. He was probably very overwhelmed and very afraid, and he probably didn’t want to hurt you anymore than he perceived he already had hurt you by failing as a master," Obi-Wan smiled faintly, "I suppose he didn’t want to drag you down with a sinking ship.”
“I won’t drag you down with me!”
Oh, Anakin thought. Memories of interactions from the past month flashed before him, suddenly making more sense.
Obi-Wan tightening his shields every time Anakin walked into a room, Obi-Wan sprinting away as soon as Anakin even touched their bond, Obi-Wan avoiding his eyes, Obi-Wan—
He was ripped from these memories by older Obi-Wan’s concerned voice.
“Anakin? Are you alright?” And Obi-Wan was looking at him with worry and … nervousness?
All Anakin could do was let out a short nod. “Just processing,” he mumbled.
Obi-Wan shifted awkwardly—awkwardly— and bit his lip.
“I…” Obi-Wan started, and then looked down at Anakin’s lap where their hands were still joined. “Perhaps it would help if I showed you.” He said, almost to himself.
And before Anakin could process that statement, Obi-Wan closed his eyes and completely and fully lowered his shields.
Anakin was immediately hit with a tidal wave of emotions in the force. It wrapped Anakin up in fondness, affection, warmth, protection. There was another feeling, though, the strongest one, that at first Anakin could not identify. And then it hit him—the realization that what he was sensing—it was an overwhelming, all-encompassing, and unmistakable feeling of pure love. My padawan, my brother, it screamed. I love you. It was so much. It was too much. It was just the right amount of much. Anakin wept. He was blinded, frozen in the blinding light that was Obi-Wan’s love for him in the Force. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t focus, all he could do was feel and cry and cry because Obi-Wan loved him, he loves him—
And then Obi-Wan was slowly pulling away and Anakin was shaking and his cheeks were wet and he was just staring at his master who was looking rather nervous but Anakin couldn’t form the words to reassure him that he was alright—was he alright?—and Obi-Wan was talking again, sounding very nervous and slightly guilty for some reason.
“-ogize, I wasn’t thinking. That was terribly presumptuous of me, I should have asked. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Anakin. Please know that I don’t expect anything from you and if you… if you would like, I can leave. That was invasive—”
And Anakin lurched forward into Obi-Wan’s arms, tears falling from his face again. Obi-Wan let out a surprised oomph, but he immediately wrapped Anakin up in his arms, his own emotions in the Force smoothing out as Anakin held onto him like he was nine years old again.
Obi-Wan loved him.
And he didn’t hate him or want to leave him because of it. Anakin never even thought—never even dared to think that Obi-Wan might love him just as much as Anakin loved him, because Anakin was the screw-up with attachments, the one who cared too much, the failure of a Jedi—but here was the proof.
Proof that Obi-Wan did love him and maybe might even be attached to him (which Anakin shouldn’t be so happy about, but he was anyways).
Anakin let out a sob and bunched Obi-Wan’s robes in his hands, leaning into the bond between them, now swelling with affection, warmth, brotherhood, protection, and, miraculously, love.
And, for perhaps the first time ever, Anakin felt like everything was going to be okay.