Chapter Text
Kaz leaned on his cane as he limped up the rough stone pathway to the house that he would be staying in for- oh maybe 5 weeks. His social worker, Mx. Garcia, walked briskly beside him, listing off the rules he knew by heart at this point. Not that he ever followed them. He just never got caught. “Kaz? Are you listening?” He hummed his assent and continued to move up the path. “These are good people, Kaz. I think you’ll really get along with them,”
He laughed dryly at them, “There are no good people. Just people who want something from you,” Mx. Garcia sighed and stayed silent as they walked the rest of the way up the path. He reached to press the doorbell before he noticed the sign reading, “Doorbell is broken, please knock.” Underneath the phrase, in smaller letters someone had written, “Yeah, NINA.” Kaz leaned against his cane and shifted his backpack, before reaching up to knock on the door.
Barely seconds after he knocked, the door was thrown open. In the doorway stood two kids about his age. The one in the front with his hand on the door was a ridiculously tall, dark skinned boy who was wearing clothing that nearly blinded him. Behind him stood a short, large girl with a brownie shoved halfway into her mouth. They stared at him for a few seconds before the girl swallowed the brownie and shouted back into the house, “Dad-Colm! New kid’s here!”
A short red haired man who looked to be about fifty came rushing from some unknown room. “Get out of the doorway! Jesper, Nina! Stop crowding the poor kid,” Jesper and Nina shuffled back and the red haired man- Dad-Colm-(Just Colm, Kaz decided privately) walked toward must have been the living room. Kaz and Mx. Garcia, who he almost forgot was there, followed behind. The living room was a cozy place. There was a fireplace and an on TV in the corner. The TV was open to Netflix. There were three couches of different colors, styles, and sizes with a worn out rug that Kaz couldn’t quite tell the color of. He sits down awkwardly on the middle couch.
“You must be Kaz!” Colm said, smiling. He put out his hand to shake, which Kaz ignored and hunched down further. “Well!” Colm clapped his hands together, ignoring Kaz’s refusal to shake his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. This is Jesper,” He pointed at the boy from before who was stretched out over the sofa. Jesper gave Kaz a friendly wave. “And this is Nina,” The girl, who looked a bit older then Kaz, grinned at him and waved. “And I’m Colm. I’m sure you’ll all get on great,”
“Kaz? Is that short for something?” Nina asked. He shook his head and she shrugged. “Quiet. That’s a refreshing change of pace,”
“Hey!” Jesper said, sounding indigent. He jumped up from his spot on the couch. “I am extremely quiet. I am the only quiet person in this house,” Nina snorted and Jesper folded himself back onto the couch.
“Well,” Mx. Garcia said. “I’d like to talk to Kaz alone for a few minutes if that’s alright?” Their tone made it clear it wasn’t a question.
“Of course!” Colm smiled at them and herded Jesper and Nina out of the room. Kaz had a feeling that controlling those two was like herding cats.
Kaz sighed and leaned back in his seat, stretching his leg out in front of him. “You know, you don’t have to be so polite all the time,”
Mx. Garcia rolled their eyes and said, “Maybe you could work on being polite more of the time,” He scoffed and stared down at his shoes. “Kaz. I’m begging you. Don’t get into any trouble,” He opened his mouth to reply. “And don’t say that you don’t get into any trouble. Just because you don’t get caught doesn’t mean I don’t know about it,” They rubbed their forehead with their hand. “Just, please listen to what I’m trying to tell you. The rest of your life cannot be defined by what happened to your brother,”
He glared at them and said, “Don’t you have somewhere else to be,”
“Kaz. That’s not what I meant,” They said. “I just mean that your life can be something more. You have so much potential,”
He laughed dryly, “You must say that to all the boys,”
They both stood up, Kaz slower than his social worker. They gave Kaz a stern look and waved their hand to the door. “You first,” He limped into the hallway as his social worker followed.
Colm was waiting by the door. He thanked Mx. Garcia and they wished them a goodnight before heading out into the evening. Colm turned to Kaz and said, “Well, dinner’s just about finished, you’re welcome to join us,” Kaz nodded and followed Colm into a small kitchen with an even smaller dining table. Nina and Jesper were already sitting serving themselves when they walked in. “Hey! You wait until everyone is sitting at the table. Who taught you manners?”
“We had to settle with you because Wylan was busy that day,” Jesper said with an almost completely straight face. Colm playfully cuffed him on the back of the head as Jesper stood up and grabbed a plate and utensils for Kaz. Kaz sat in the empty chair next to Nina and leaned his cane against the table.
“So we don’t pray or anything but if you do it’s completely fine,” Colm said warmly.
“No,” Kaz said. “I was raised Catholic but they basically just hyped us up for communion and then fed us cardboard,” Jesper snorted with laughter and handed him a bowl of green beans. He took a small spoon full even though he knew he should stock up on as much food as possible, he felt a bit sick to his stomach.
“So, Kaz,” Colm said. “You’re a junior, right? Are you excited for your first day of a new school tomorrow?”
Kaz nodded and said, “I don’t really care about school that much. It’s just another thing that I’m required to do,”
“That’s… nice,” Colm said awkwardly.
“Oh, you’ll fit right in!” Jesper said, bouncing in his seat. “Only Wylan actually likes school and he only likes it because Genya banned him from blowing anything up at home,” Colm raised an eyebrow at Jesper. “He’s only blown up the chem lab like twice. Or three. Maybe four, but that’s the most it could possibly be,”
“You have the most chaotic boyfriend I have ever met,” Nina said.
“Oh, says the girl whose boyfriend was in a cult!” Jesper retorted.
“That wasn’t his fault! His parents were in a cult, he was just kinda there. He’s the most boring person in our little group,”
“Well that’s not exactly very boring though,” Jesper said. He turned to look at Kaz. “The amount of PDA they have is sickening. One of these days they’re going to get hit by a truck while kissing,”
“Jes!” Nina said. “Shut up or I will poison the next eggo you eat,”
“Which one of us has the chemist boyfriend?” Jesper said smugly. “That’s right, me!”
“Jesper, Nina. What was the rule at dinner?” Colm asked.
They both rolled their eyes and said, “Be civil or be silent,” It seemed like something that had been said a lot.
“Do you have any siblings?” Colm asked. Kaz really wished he could just eat in peace. In answer, Kaz just shrugged and stared at the wall opposite him. “What are your interests, hobbies?” Kaz really hated this line of questioning. It felt so forced and he didn’t see the point of getting to know these people if he was going to be gone in a month.
“Magic tricks,” He said, making it clear that he really wasn’t interested in conversation. There was an awkward silence.
“Cards are great,” Jesper said, trying to fill the silence. He was obviously not the kind of person who could let a room be silent for more than a minute. “Matthias keeps beating me at Go-Fish and it is unbelievably unfair,”
Jesper continued to talk about the unfairness of him losing Go-Fish, but Kaz stopped paying attention. When he was a kid, he loved Go-Fish. He and Jordie would sit and play for hours, while their father worked. If Jordie was in a good mood, he would make the two of them cocoa and they would sit on the floor of their room and play for hours. He used to beg their father for a cat to play with because in his nine year old brain, cats must love Go-Fish.
He shook his head slightly. There was no use dwelling in those memories. That Kaz was naive but he would know better. He realized that everyone else at the table had finished their meal while he had barely touched his food.
“Are you going to eat that?” Colm said, pointing at the food on Kaz’s plate. Kaz shook his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Well, Nina can show you to your room, since it’s Jes’s night to do dishes,” Jesper groaned and Nina laughed.
“Come on Emo boy,” She said, walking out of the kitchen.
“Medication Nina!” Colm called after her.
She stopped, rolled her eyes and turned around. Jesper tossed her a small pill bottle and she said, “Ah, yes. Titty skittles,” She took one of the pills dry and waited for Kaz to pull himself up from the chair. She led him out of the kitchen and up a set of stairs. “You have your own room. It’s kinda small, but it should be fine,”
Kaz made his way up the stairs slowly, as Nina stood at the top of the stairs, waiting for him. Having his own room would be good. He never complained about having some privacy.
Nina led him to the third door on the small landing on top of the stairs. She opened the door and he entered the room. She was right, it was small, but it was clean and had a window. The window looked out over the yard and fields. It had a screen, but that was easily removed. There was a twin bed pushed up against one of the walls. It was plain, but comfortable. The thick comforter would really help him through the cold Iowa winter. There was a small wooden desk next to the window and an old dresser that was plenty big enough for all his clothing. The walls of the room were painted a pale green and there was a grey rug on the floor. All together a good place to stay.
“Well, it’s kinda small, but it’s not like any of the other rooms are much bigger,” Nina said, still standing in the doorway. “I’ll leave to get settled in and if you want to join us, we’ll be in the living room. It’s John Oliver night,”
He nodded at her and set his backpack on the desk. She closed the door as she left the room, leaving him in silence. There was really no point putting his clothing in the dresser, but he had nothing else to do. He quickly unloaded his stuff and sat down on the bed. It creaked slightly as he sat down. He leaned his cane on the nightstand and flopped back on the bed. He wouldn't show it, but he was completely exhausted. He stuck his hands under the pillow and took off his shoes. He fell asleep before he was even able to pull the covers over himself.
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Kaz dreamt he was in his second foster home. It was after his brother got sick. His new foster father, Jakob Hertzoon, though Jordie was sure that wasn’t his actual name. The man was an asshole and whenever he thought that, Kaz still giggled in his brain at saying a bad word. Jordie and him shared a small room and they were both sick. Jordie said it was the flu, but Kaz thought it was way too bad to be the flu. When he was younger, he had the flu. His father let him stay home from school and eat icecream for breakfast. Minus the terrible headache, it was one of the best weeks of his life. So far, Kaz reminded himself. Jordie had promised that he would make money and they would live like kings.
But right now, Kaz certainly didn’t feel like a king. He and Jordie were curled up next to each other, coughing terribly. Jordie hadn’t been fully awake for days, and Kaz didn’t have anyone to go to. Mr. Hertzoon had been on a business trip for the last few weeks, so Kaz and Jordie were left to fend for themselves. That’s when they got sick. Jordie couldn’t take them to the hospital since he couldn’t drive. And even if he could, he didn’t have a car.
So there they lay, cold and shivering. Curled up next to each other. It was a day later that Kaz’s fever broke. But Jordie still didn’t wake up. He was just lying there. He seemed cool and he stopped shivering, but he didn’t wake up.
Kaz didn’t want to leave him, so he laid next to him for days, only getting up to go to the bathroom. At this point, he had realized what had happened but he couldn’t leave Jordie. He just couldn’t. He lay next to his brother’s corpse, holding onto his arms and hands, begging him to come back. He never moved, no matter how much Kaz begged and pleaded.
Kaz stayed like that, holding onto his brother’s corpse, as though he was a lifeboat that could save him, until Mr. Hertzoon came back. The man didn’t care that Jordie was dead, beyond the fact that he might be libal. So, he left Kaz there, alone in that apartment. No one else came until the landlord came to collect rent. That’s where the man found him, curled up in bed with his brother’s week old corpse.
The man immediately called the police and they had to pull Kaz away from his brother. They asked him what had happened as they took his brother away, but Kaz couldn’t stop crying. He was completely unable to speak through his sobs. He hadn’t cried yet and at the time, he wasn’t sure if he was ever going to be able to stop.
When one of the police officers tried to pick him up, he screamed and pulled away, scratching and punching at the man. As soon as the man put him down, he vomited over the carpet and started to hyperventilate. They called a social worker, who picked him up even as he screamed and cried and punched and kicked. It felt like something was crawling over his skin whenever someone so much as brushed against him.
They never found Mr. Hertzoon. Jordie was right about that not being his real name, Jakob Hertzoon had never really existed. Kaz had sworn from the moment that he got out of the hospital that he would find Hertzoon and tear him down brick by brick.
The next home he was in was somehow worse. No one wanted a kid that would scream if you tried to touch him. The father of the home he was in got annoyed by that and pushed him down several flights of stairs. His leg broke in three places, but they never took him to the hospital. It never healed right and now he had a cane to hit people with if they tried to touch him.
Kaz curled in on himself and when he finally came forth, he was a completely different boy. He was cruel and angry. He would do anything for the right price and earned the reputation of a monster in his last group home. They called him “Dirtyhands”. He was only taken out of that group home when six of the other boys beat him until he could walk. He was taken out “for his own safety” but he knew that the leader of the group home was just looking for an excuse to get rid of him. No one wanted an angry sixteen year old with a limp.
Sometimes he would think he saw Jordie on the street. That his brother was there and was coming to wake him up from this nightmare, but he quickly learned that nightmares have much more truth than dreams.
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Kaz jerked awake. He glanced at the small clock on the side table and groaned when he saw that it said 2 A.M. There was no point trying to fall back asleep but he kept his eyes closed. He was half sure that if he opened his eyes, he would see Jordie lying next to him. Still dead.
Kaz didn’t get anymore sleep that night.