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To many people Miya Osamu might be a mystery. Between the two infamous twins, Osamu, no matter how mischievous he may be, is the calmer of the two. Suna has always found that rather amusing. Osamu and Atsumu are not different. That's an unfortunate fact, but at the same time if you look at them, they are.
Maybe it's the way his natural hair is black (Suna has seen the roots grow out before. The jet black hair color that he never understands why Osamu is so keen to hide) and Atsumu's is brown. Maybe it's the way both their eye colors are completely opposite if you stare at them hard enough (Suna has. Particularly only one set of them. His gray eyes that always shine brightly whenever he's enthusiastic or happy, the way they look golden under the sunlight, the way they flicker to fondness every time Suna suggests something extremely stupid that he knows will get them into trouble - it doesn't matter in the end though, Osamu follows him nonetheless).
Osamu is a tease, that's a fact he learned a long time ago.
Atsumu is also a tease and that's a world renowned fact.
Osamu makes his heart flutter, sending jolts of electricity down his spine, making him feel like his body is on fire, not the type of fire that burns, but the type of fire that makes him feel at ease, bringing him solace and comfort without even meaning to. Every little touch, accidental or not, intentional or not, Suna always keeps track of it, because it's Osamu. Every time Osamu laughs, Suna can't help but be inexplicably fond and think about how he would like to hold this moment forever and cherish it.
Atsumu doesn't make Suna feel this way. Maybe that's why to him the Miya twins are no mystery. To him there's just one man who he begrudgingly calls his best friend, while the other is the love of his life.
It's simple.
It's not as complicated as he read in romance novels left behind by his younger sister all over the house that he read in hopes to cure his boredom after he got grounded by his parents and had his phone taken away.
It's not as melodramatic as the soap operas he watched with Osamu just to make fun of them, only to be caught up by Osamu's beauty and thinking about ways to remember that moment till the day he dies.
Love is strange. At least that was accurate to all his other sources. Still, it doesn’t tell him what to do next.
Sometimes he doesn't think about what to do. Sometimes he just does things. Impulsively, never thinking about the repercussions of his actions. It's a gamble. He does it anyway.
Maybe that's how this whole ordeal started in the first place. He doesn't clearly remember how it happened. How they fell into this routine. But it was sometime last year when Suna felt suffocated and had smoked a little too much and maybe had some liquor from his parents display. All he really remembers are neon lights flashing around, the navy blue sky, glistening with stars, so much brighter here than they ever had been in Tokyo, regrets and fear surging through him. What was it that he was trying to forget? He doesn't remember. But it was enough to make him feel lonely enough to send a broken text message to Osamu. And then gray hair appeared and Suna cried in relief. He hugged Osamu like his life depended on it, as if he would turn into smoke if he didn't cling on tighter. In that moment he knew he didn't have a grip on reality. All he prayed for was that he had a grip on Osamu.
That day was fatal. After that Osamu realized why he would never return text messages or pick up calls. Suna Rintarou wanted an escape from reality. So the next day he found himself at the same spot as before, only this time Osamu was there waiting for him with a bag of food, looking over the city from the cliff from the night before. Even if he expressed his anger about the invasion of privacy, at the intrusion, he was relieved. At least someone was there, even if it was temporary.
And then it became a routine.
Everyday without fail, Osamu sneaks out of his house at night to meet with Suna, occasionally bringing Suna food along the way. They usually eat or sometimes talk, lying down in the grass and watching the stars (even if Suna's attention is always diverted by Osamu) or sometimes they don't talk. They just stay in each other's company. Somewhere down the line drugs weren't needed. Suna stopped needing an escape from reality. Instead he finally had a reason to stay in reality. Osamu.
Contrary to popular belief, Osamu and Suna are contradictions. Yet they still work well together.
Maybe that's why Suna finds himself jogging to the Miya Household at 12 AM, clutching onto a bag of everything he knows Osamu will enjoy (which is everything ), the cool summer breeze dancing on his face as he does so. He and Osamu don't break the routine, but Suna is willing to do it. Why? He doesn't know, but maybe it was the light in Osamu's eyes that had completely vanished this morning, or the way Osamu didn't even touch his food - or the way he refused to make eye contact with Suna. It had hurt, hell it still hurts, because he’s always considered Osamu his dearest friend - all he wished for was that he shared the same thoughts.
But there’s no point in making assumptions, because clearly Osamu was upset about something (or probably still is), doesn’t help that the idiot got himself a fever in the morning too.
Suna is willing to do many things for Osamu, it doesn’t matter what, he’ll do it. Most of all, he wants to be the person who’s there for Osamu if he’s going through something - he wants Osamu to trust him enough to tell him things.
Maybe it’s hypocritical of him, considering even now he doesn’t trust anyone (except Osamu), but Osamu isn’t him.
So Suna runs. He sprints to the Miya house, the sky being an overcast of gloominess and despair and he thinks that it’s quite fitting. He enters the border of the house, taking a deep breath and stopping all together. He’s never done this before. He’s never really broken into a house and he doesn’t think he should be doing that either unless he wants to be caught, so the only other logical thing he can do is try to find where the twins’ room is.
He’s been at this house multiple times, so navigating through the outside isn’t half as hard as it could’ve been, but it still takes him a few moments to find the right window. When he does, he finds a clear window, from which he can vaguely see his disheveled expression and the inside of a room he’s been to numerous times before, inside of it, a dark blue hue.
Taking shaky breaths, Suna reaches down to his pocket, taking out his phone, opening Osamu’s contact with trembling hands. He types in his text message, fear looming over him. There is a high chance that Osamu doesn’t even want him here, or maybe he’s sleeping, he needs the rest after all - but Suna Rintarou is selfish. It’s not something he’s proud of, but it’s a wretched fact.
Suna : check ur window
Anticipation and anxiety flows through his body, as he tries to keep his breathing even, dropping his phone in his pocket, not even bothering to check if Osamu saw the text or not, instead turning his head to look up at the sky, closing his eyes. What is he doing? Why is he doing this?
“Suna what are you doing here?” Says that sweet kansai dialect that sends shivers down his spine every time, making him feel reassured and gleeful. A smile curls its way onto his lips, as he looks back down again, coming face to face with that familiar fringe, that looks messier than it ever has, the moonlight dusting Osamu’s face so beautifully, that he looks like an angel sent from heaven - and Suna can say one thing with affirmation, words cannot describe Osamu Miya, because he is truly enchanting .
“Did you miss me, ‘Samu?”
Teasing. That’s their love language, isn’t it?
“Answering my question with another question, oh how classy,” Osamu scoffs, his voice lower than usual, a pout on his lips, that simply put is cute . “Let me ask yer dumbass again, the fuck are you doing here, Rin?”
Ah. Usage of their given names. That’s how it is. When did they get to this point? Using each other’s given names whenever they’re alone, moments seeming so intimate, way more than they should be with just friends , even so, it’s like they’re playing a game. It’s just a matter of time before one of them forfeits out, isn’t it? Suna takes a deep breath, keeping his facade neutral - cold . Doesn’t matter if Osamu can see through it, he needs to do it for himself. Feeding himself lies until it starts becoming reality. Is that how it always has been?
He drops the bag of food on the window sill, his heart speeding him, as though he’s running a marathon. “I wanted to see you,” is all he says, because it’s true. He can’t lie to Osamu, the other knows him far too well to put up with his bullshit. The only thing he can do is keep things unspoken. The lingering tension between them only just rises, as Osamu spectates the bag, opening it, before his eyes glimmer again - like they used to, a smile carving its way on his lips, and Suna wants to scream. He wants to tell the whole world that he’s the reason for that smile. That's why he’s worth keeping around. Please don’t leave.
“Is that all that you came here for, Rin?” Osamu asks, the teasing edge to his voice returning, as he props his head on the palm of his hand, waiting for Suna to answer.
Suna shakes his head, a low chuckle escaping his lips, as he looks down at his feet, his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know,” escapes his mouth, sounding broken and lost, everything he feels right now. It’s true, he doesn’t really know why he’s here.
Osamu hums, the sound of crickets serving as background sound, while Osamu takes out some of the bag's contents. “You do know I’m sick, right?”
Suna snorts. “Of course I do,”
“Oh wow Rin, absolutely fan behavior,”
“Oh yes, Miya Osamu I’m your biggest fan, please sign my face for me and can you please take a picture with me so I can put it on my shrine for you,”
Osamu frowns. “You have a shrine for me?”
“Of course I do, how else do you think you're real? I manifested you, ‘Samu.” He says sarcastically, rolling his eyes, as he folds his arms on the window sill, his face barely inches away from Osamu’s, who looks at him utterly unimpressed, all the while Suna has a smug smile on his face.
“Yer so funny, Rin, I laughed so hard,” Osamu deadpans, his placid expression not wavering.
“Thank you,” he says, reaching forward to the bag, grabbing the bag of marshmallows he bought, opening it with his fingers, tossing one in his mouth, as he finally manages to find the courage to ask, “so, what’s gotten your panties in a twist today?”
“You noticed?” Osamu asks miserably, stuffing two marshmallows in his mouth.
“It was hard not to,” he admits, staring into those gray eyes again, his heart aching at how melancholy they seem. Osamu is the type of person who deserves nothing but happiness in his life, so why? Why is he so despaired? “So, shoot.”
Osamu sighs, burying his face in his hands, as he swallows. “I was thinking...about graduation and what I’d do after high school,”
“And?”
“‘Tsumu has always been a volleyball derived idiot- I mean that’s not to say I’m not, but…’Tsumu has always had a hunger for the game that’s a bit more than me and...I was thinking...and I know he’s gonna play pro, but for me? I don’t think I want that with my life,” Osamu says, his gaze not meeting Suna’s as he looks up at the gloomy sky. Oh . “I know he expects me to be with him when he goes pro...I wanna tell him I don’t want to, but he’s my brother, ya know? I don’t wanna hurt him,”
“Osamu,” Suna murmurs softly, holding Osamu’s warm ones, “just because he’s your twin doesn’t mean you have to be stuck with the hip forever...do what makes you happy, Atsumu, as your brother should understand that,”
Osamu looks at him wide eyed, his face stunned, before his expression turns fond, while Suna suddenly becomes aware of their position, so close to kissing, but never making the move - it’s always been like this. Suna’s heart races, he wants to do it, he wants to close the gap, but he can’t. He’s a coward. He wants to scream at Osamu - shout at him and tell him to kiss him even if he regrets it later. They’re both cowards.
“Have I ever told ya that yer surprisingly good at giving advice?” Osamu says instead, his breath fanning Suna’s face.
Suna tries not to let disappointment show on his face, instead he curls his lips into a smirk, looking at Osamu with what he can only describe as smug, inching away from Osamu. “Oh you think I’m good at advice, Miya?”
Osamu rolls his eyes. “I have never said such a thing, yer delirious, Suna,”
“Aw, Osamu, it’s okay to admit defeat sometimes,”
“Never, Sunarin.”
“Playing hard to get? How classy? I thought we played that when we were kids,”
“Piss off,”
Suna laughs.
They fall into another routine. This time, Suna finds himself coming back to the Miya house every night, as Osamu waits for his arrival by the window, while Atsumu sleeps like a baby the entire time. They eat food that they know is terrible for their health and will get them scolded by Kita if he ever found out about this whole ordeal, but it’s them, it’s a thing between the two of them, a tattoo in Suna’s mind. Suna Rintarou is ready to make many sacrifices for Osamu Miya, if his diet is one of them, Kita be damned.
Osamu talks about anything and everything and Suna listens attentively, occasionally making comments or teasing the other about whatever he says. Osamu seems to get back to his old self, even though Suna knows the thought of telling Atsumu still scares him. It’s okay, as long as Osamu doesn’t block him out again.
Suna has never been good at feelings, he knows Osamu is the same. Showing he cares has always been a problem for him, he’s just incredibly thankful that he found a person that understands him better than he understands himself - a person that he wants to give his everything to.
A week passes by and they continue to meet at the Miya house.
Until Osamu texts him saying that he’s well enough to meet him at their old rendezvous point. Suna tries not to get his hopes up for things he knows clearly aren’t going to be resolved over just a night. Even then, he can’t help but be nervous as he walks towards their usual place near the cliff. It’s darker tonight than it usually is. The dark grey clouds are packing the starless sky. Suna takes a deep breath, as the silhouette of his familiar teammate is finally visible.
He doesn’t say anything, nor does Osamu make any effort to look back at him either. Instead he silently takes a seat next to the boy, reaching over to the can of coke on the ground, using his fingers to open it, as a hissing sound escapes. “It’s gloomy tonight,” he mumbles, as he takes a drink of his soft drink.
Osamu hums. “It might rain,” he states, his face looking up at the clouds, not even sparing Suna a glance.
There’s this lingering tension between them, which is hard not to notice. The more they keep meeting like this, the thicker it gets. Osamu is Suna’s future, but is Suna Osamu’s? That’s a worry he can’t stop himself from thinking of. It’s frightening to even think about. Yet he still does. There’s been countless nights he’s let himself stop bottling things up and let the tears of despair take over. It’s happened far too many times for him to be proud of it.
He knows Osamu wants him. He knows that to some extent. But who's to say that feeling is forever? Suna is in love with Osamu, but is Osamu just as deeply and madly in love with him? Suna thinks of Osamu very dearly and he does in fact selfishly want him all to himself, but even then, he doesn’t want to get hurt either. He doesn’t want love that isn’t as much as he’s giving.
Some time Osamu is going to get tired of him and leave.
It’s that fear of loneliness that keeps Suna from grabbing Osamu’s face and pressing their lips together, to kiss him until they’re both breathless, to feel every part of him and cherish him. Suna Rintarou does things impulsively. Yet kissing Miya Osamu seems to be the only thing he can’t make himself do. He’s a coward.
He lets his palm rest on the ground, as he leans back, drinking his coke.
“I caught ‘Tsumu watching Sakusa Kiyoomi’s matches earlier today while complaining ‘bout how infuriating good and pretty the fucker is, honestly what the fuck?” Osamu says suddenly, breaking the tense silence.
Suna can’t help but snort. “Oh? Fan behavior.”
“Right?” Osamu scoffs, laying down on the grass, looking directly up. Suna watches him in interest, while sipping his drink. “I swear to god the idiot hasn’t stopped talking about him ever since he got back from camp,”
“Does Miya Atsumu have a crush?” Suna asks, his voice scandalized and intrigued at the same time.
Osamu then finally looks at him, raising an amused eyebrow. “Are ya gonna post that on yer tea page now?”
“Unfortunately my data finish,” Suna says, a smirk dancing on his lips, “so if you would be an ever kind soul and lend me your hotspot, consider it done.”
Osamu reaches for his pockets. “Okay--wait what the fuck?” He suddenly scrunches his nose and stares at the sky, while tiny droplets of rain drop on the bridge of Suna’s nose. “It’s raining?”
“I guess so,” Suna mumbles, getting up, downing the rest of his coke in one large sip, before throwing it in the bag with all the other things. “We should go home before a storm comes.”
“Help me up, Rin,” Osamu whines, bringing his hand up, while still lying down on the floor.
Suna rolls his eyes, but grabs his hand nonetheless, using his strength to pull him up. “Get up, you big baby,” he says grunting, because holy shit, Osamu is heavy.
“Yer the team baby, Rin.”
Suna scoffs. “I get that you're jealous, but we really should go, Osamu.” He says, snatching his hand away from Osamu, only to have his colder hands be held by warmer ones. His breath hitches and he looks at Osamu contemplatively. What is he doing?
But before he can ask, Osamu drags him along with him, running at full speed, not having a care in the world about how they can slip, instead light laugher bubbles from Osamu and Suna, is captivated. It’s kind of ironic how their school banner is “we don’t need memories,” when all Suna has been doing ever since he and Osamu met is collect memories - memories that are tattoos in his mind, reminding him of the boy he knows he’ll never stop loving. Even if one day he moves on, he’ll never forget Osamu. He can’t. He doesn’t think he wants to either.
As rain falls on top of them, pouring with intensity, Suna finds himself forgetting that they’re soaking, instead he’s enchanted by Osamu. Even as the rain drizzles on top of him, he’s not worried about that in the slightest, nor does he feel cold, because as long as Osamu is holding his hand, he feels warmth all over. No one could ever make him feel this way before, nor does he think anyone ever will.
An involuntary smile finds its way on his face and all he can do is affectionately stare at Osamu, trailing after him. Has it always been this way? Instead of Osamu trailing after him, has it always been Suna following Osamu? Maybe.
He doesn’t mind though.
Osamu’s grip on his hand is so firm that Suna practically lets out a whimper. He’s hopelessly in love with a fool, who doesn’t know how he’s affecting him. Osamu doesn’t realize that he’s playing with his heart strings. He doesn’t realize that sometimes he’s playing with them so hard that it hurts and the pain gets unbearable, as if the strings will just snap at any time. Even then, Suna lets him.
Suna never wore his heart on his sleeve. Suna is complicated, he’s obnoxious, he’s too much, Osamu accepted him anyway.
Osamu broke down his walls and made him feel loved.
He still makes him feel loved.
He makes Suna feel wanted.
When they slow down, they’re in a neighborhood that Suna instantly recognizes. This is where he and the twins usually part ways after school to go back home. Suna takes a deep breath, his hand still being held by Osamu, who is a few steps in front of him. Suna doesn’t bother snatching his hand back - maybe for his own selfish purposes. Maybe it’s because he knows the moment is going to be over soon.
Osamu finally looks at him from over his shoulder and grins happily at him. “Wasn’t that fun, Rin?” The way he says his name as if it’s the most precious thing in the world - Suna wants to tell him it’s not, that it’s Osamu who is. But he can’t form words when Osamu is looking at him like that .
Suna bites his bottom lip, trying to stop himself from smiling. “You’ll get sick again, you idiot.” He says instead, hoping his voice sounds composed, even if he feels anything but.
“Weren’t you the one that said it’s okay to admit defeat sometimes?” Osamu says, sticking out his tongue at him, before stopping all together, turning to face him fully, their hands never untangling from each other.
“No, never,” Suna says innocently.
“Bullshit,” Osamu says, narrowing his eyes at him, before he takes a deep breath, looking at Suna with an unreadable expression. “But anyway, here’s out stop, Sunarin, see ya later.”
Suna’s heart pounds, a hopeless smile on his lips. It’s just a game, he reminds himself. “See you, ‘Samu.” He says, turning on his heel, a lump in his throat, while Osamu does the same, their grip on each other’s hands loosening, but never letting go.
“Bye!” Osamu says over the rain, as he lets go of his hand, grinning widely at him from behind his shoulder. It makes Suna’s heart ache.
“Bye bye,” Suna says, giving Osamu his middle finger from behind him.
“Fuck you too, Sunarin!” Is the last thing Osamu yells, before they’re too far apart to hear anything.
Suna sighs, bringing his wet hands up to his face, trying to hide his tears - even though it doesn’t matter anyway since it’s raining. He doesn’t know why he’s crying, but the urge suddenly formed and now he can’t stop . He can’t even tell if they’re happy tears or sad tears. Nonetheless, it feels to let it out. So he does.
When will it end? He wonders.
When will they own up and admit it.
Or will they just keep dancing around each other, pretending that they’re not in love with each other?
He doesn’t know, so instead he goes home crying in the rain.
“Oi Osamu, where’s Atsumu and Gin?” Suna asks, as Osamu runs over to him, his Inarizaki jacket over his head to protect himself from the rain.
“Uh...they said they’ll go home late, so it’s just you and me, Sunarin.” Osamu says sheepishly, a light rosy blush dusting his cheeks.
“Uh huh,” Suna mumbles, narrowing his eyes at him. Osamu is without a doubt hiding something, but Suna is way too exhausted from practice to interrogate him about it either, so instead he turns on his heel. “Alright then, come on.”
Osamu jogs to catch up to him, some of the rain water hitting Suna’s track pants, but they’re already wet from before, so it doesn’t really matter. “Yer posture is so bad, Rin,” Osamu mumbles, his arm brushing at Suna's, who's very aware of this touch.
Suna turns his head to look at Osamu unimpressed, while also making sure his jacket on his head doesn’t fall down. “Shush it, I’m doing it so you don’t feel bad for being short, I’m being the kind considerate soul you all know me as.”
“Haha, very fun, Rin.” Osamu deadpans. “I’m not even short, yer just a giant.”
“You are though,” Suna says, a smirk on his face. “Such a tiny baby.” He coos.
Suddenly Osamu stops dead in his tracks, grabbing Suna by the arm, making the jacket on top of his head drop to the floor and before Suna can ask what’s up, or even protest, soft lips press against his chapped ones and his eyes widen in surprise. It’s chaste - their lips just press against one and other, but it twists Suna’s stomach up in a knot. “Shut the fuck up, Rin.” Osamu says, pulling away, his face aflame.
“Wha-” He wants to know why Osamu just did that. He can't form the words. It's just a game, he tells himself, but the longer Osamu looks at him with so much adoration, a lump forms in Suna's throat.
“Holy shit that went a lot smoother than what I had in mind.”
“You-”
“No actually shut up, let me confess properly,” Osamu says and Suna’s mouth abruptly shuts, as he stares at Osamu dumbfounded. Osamu takes a deep breath, his eyes downcast, before he looks up at Suna again, his hand taking Suna’s, the warm touch making Suna's heart pound in his chest. “Suna Rintarou, I, Miya Osamu, am truly madly deeply in love with you-wait I think that’s a song lyric-uh anyway, I love everything about you from the way you drag my ass up at midnight to meet up with you, to the way you send me snaps while yer shitting,” at that, Suna can’t help but laugh - which ends up sounding like a hiccup, which is when he realizes that tears have started rolling down his face, but it doesn’t matter, because the rain is concealing them anyway.
Osamu smiles fondly at him. “I love you even when you think you’re too much-yer not, you’re amazing just the way you are and you make me want to kiss you all the damn time, you make me wanna tell you how much I love you, just to get that frown off of your face, yer beautiful, Rin...so will you go out on a date with me?”
A dam breaks in Suna and he can’t help but grab Osamu by his cheeks, pressing their lips together once more, this time more than just a peck, Suna’s heartbeat instantly evening out, as Osamu’s hands grab his wrist, kissing him back just as desperately and for once in Suna’s life, he thinks that Osamu loves him just as much as he loves the damn fool. Suna can’t help but feel relieved.
Osamu's lips are soft and with each tug of his lips, Suna finds himself chasing them. Kissing Osamu is like learning to breathe all over again. Even if his face turns warmer than it should be, even when his stomach twists into ways that should be called unnatural, Suna doesn't regret any of it.
“I love you,” Suna says, breathlessly, as they pull away, trying to convey everything he can't find himself to say, staring into Osamu's gray eyes, that are watching him with care and warmth, causing Suna's heart to flutter.
Osamu laughs - it's light and airy, and simply put, beautiful. “I love you too.” The words make Suna whimper and feel like crying even more. Miya Osamu deserves someone who is better than Suna, yet he chose Suna anyway. In that moment, he silently promises himself never to hurt this man, intentional or not.
“And yes, I’ll go on a date with you, even when you make me soak under the rain, because unfortunately I’m in love with you.”
Osamu snorts, causing Suna to kiss him again.