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Pain.
Pain is the only thing Luffy knows upon waking up. His chest is on fire, his head is throbbing, his limbs are so sore they may as well be falling off – though that seems like it would hurt less than this.
He scrunches his eyes shut, desperately hoping that that action will help relieve some of the pain –he knows it doesn’t work that way, but he can still hope.
Other sensations come next – the soft scratchiness of the sheets under his back, the tight bandages covering every inch of him, the warmth surrounding his left hand, resting on the bed beside him.
Wait…warmth?
Luffy, for the first time, attempts to open his eyes. The dim light stabs his eyes, and he scrunches them shut with a groan. A sharp pain shoots through his temple, but he persists, succeeding in cracking them open. The room is incredibly blurry, and Luffy has to blink his sore eyelids several times before he’s able to make out anything except blue-and-black blobs.
The first thing he notices is a big piece of machinery, beeping softly next to Luffy. He quickly deems it unimportant, glancing at his hand to find what the unnatural warmth is coming from. Once he sees it, his heart skips a beat, and he swallows around the knot in his throat, fighting against the sudden urge to start crying.
Ace is slumped over the side of his bed, sound asleep, clutching Luffy’s hand in one of his, the other hand resting gently over Luffy’s stomach – so gently, Luffy can barely tell it’s there.
(Ace always takes such care to not hurt Luffy – even now, asleep, unaware of anything around him, he does all he can to make sure Luffy remains as comfortable as possible.)
His big brother – his strong, fearless, loving big brother – looks completely destroyed, laying collapsed against the bed. Luffy can make out dark bruises circling under Ace’s eyes, and his mouth, normally smooth and relaxed while asleep, is pursed, pain twisting his features and making him look much older than his twenty years. Luffy quickly scans over the rest of his big brother’s body, lips twisting into a small frown as he takes in the multitudes of bandages wrapped around Ace.
Ace is hurt. He’s really, really hurt, and tired, and worn-down.
But he’s alive. So gloriously, gloriously alive. That’s almost more than Luffy could have hoped for.
(Seeing Akainu, blazing with magma and hatred, attacking Ace’s back was the most terrifying thing Luffy has seen in his seventeen years.
Thank god Luffy had been able to muster the energy to knock Ace out of the way, taking the magma fist himself.
Luffy never could have lived with himself if Ace sacrificed himself for Luffy.
He’d rather die than let that happen.)
(He almost did.)
Luffy squeezes his big brother’s hand, overwhelming relief flooding him. Ace is alive. Luffy saved him.
He didn’t lose the only brother he has left in this world.
Ace stirs at the squeeze, groaning softly and blinking his eyes open. They’re unfocused at first, blinking blearily at Luffy, before they sharpen quickly, and Ace sits up, eyes wide and focused on Luffy’s eyes. The pure exhaustion, steeped in worry and anguish that Ace must have been carrying, washes away completely in favor of overwhelming relief.
“Luffy!” Standing up so quickly the plastic chair he had been sitting on gets thrown backwards, Ace moves as close as he can to Luffy, shifting closer to Luffy’s face and crouching down next to his head. Luffy’s hand is still clutched in Ace’s, and Ace brings his other hand up, touching Luffy’s cheek gently, so gently, almost reverentially, as if he’s afraid even the slightest of contact will hurt him.
“A-Ace…saved…you…” Luffy manages to choke out, bringing his free hand up and covering Ace’s hand with his own, pressing Ace’s hand more firmly onto his cheek. Ace’s face twists into something painful, anguish setting back in even as relief continues shining in his eyes. Ace rubs his thumb gently across Luffy’s cheekbone, and something about that simple, tender motion makes Luffy want to sob.
“Why?” Ace whispers, and it’s a shattered thing, speaking of loss, and grief, and despair, and Luffy wants so badly to never hear Ace say another word in that voice ever again. “Why would you do this? You…you almost died, Luffy.”
Luffy frowns as severely as he can through his acute exhaustion. His brother looks completely broken, bandages wrapped around every inch of him, yet looking upon Luffy as if he’s the only thing that matters – as if Luffy’s his entire world.
Well, Ace is Luffy’s entire world, so Ace really should have expected that Luffy would do something like this.
“You promised not to leave me,” Luffy manages to say, gripping Ace’s hands tighter. His big brother chokes on a sob as Luffy continues, “You said you’d never die…I can’t live…”
Luffy can’t finish, choking over the growing knot in his throat, but it doesn’t matter – he said what he needed to. Ace, crouching close, so close to Luffy that he can feel the familiar heat radiating off of him, lets out a shuddering breath, removing his hand from Luffy’s cheek and clutching Luffy’s other hand in his, a desperate hold that Luffy instantly replicates.
(Though, what Luffy really wants; really craves, is for his big brother to hug him.
Ace’s hugs mean safety; mean home. Ever since that first hug – Ace desperately holding onto Luffy after that painful encounter with the bear – Ace’s hugs have been the place where Luffy feels most at home; most loved.
He could really use one of those hugs, right about now.)
Ace seems to try to say something, but all that comes out is a choked-off sob, and Ace presses his forehead to Luffy’s. Luffy closes his eyes, feeling nothing but comfort from the action as his big brother whispers, “I can’t lose you, Luffy…seeing you like that, almost dead…I…” Ace can’t seem to finish, and Luffy gladly takes the opportunity, opening his eyes and glaring into Ace’s teary ones.
“I can’t lose you, either, Ace!” Luffy musters the energy to say in a harsh whisper. “I’d rather die than lose you!” Ace leans back slightly, and stares into Luffy’s eyes for a moment, mouth gaping slightly in the awe that Luffy hates – the awe that Luffy knows means Ace is once again amazed that people love him enough to die for him; to want him to live.
Ace should never be in awe that people love him. It’s obvious, isn’t it?
Ace is the best person Luffy knows. Of course, people love him.
“You dumbass little brother,” Ace finally breathes out, knocking his forehead back against Luffy’s and finally, finally, giving Luffy his hug. He slides an arm under Luffy’s shoulder blades as gingerly as possible, wrapping his other arm around Luffy’s front. It’s gentle – far more gentle than any hug Ace normally gives, but Luffy doesn’t care. He forces himself to bring his arms up, ignoring the pain and wraps them around Ace’s shoulders.
Luffy finally allows himself to cry, dragging Ace down further so Luffy can bury his head in Ace’s shoulder, ignoring the pain flaring in his everywhere at the action.
He could have lost this. He could have lost the most important thing in his life. He could have never seen Ace again.
He could have lost both of his precious brothers.
The two brothers just stay, for a moment, holding each other. Luffy can feel a wet spot forming on his shoulder, but doesn’t comment on it, instead focusing on hugging his brother – the brother he could have so easily lost.
Finally, Ace leans back slightly, giving Luffy a tender smile, steeped in love and gratitude, and ruffles his hair, startling a giggle from the younger pirate. “Go back to sleep, dummy.” Luffy, though the suddenly-overwhelming heaviness of his eyelids practically begs him to close them, continues staring at his brother, eyes lingering on Ace’s injuries and marks of his exhaustion. He refuses to take his eyes off of his big brother.
Ace almost died, earlier. What’s keeping him from disappearing again?
Ace sighs fondly, wrapping Luffy’s hand in his, surrounding it once again in that reassuring warmth, and gingerly settles down in the empty space next to Luffy.
“I’m still here, Lu. I’m not going to disappear.” Ace slips a gentle arm under Luffy’s shoulders, and tugs him over so that Luffy’s head is pillowed on Ace’s chest. Luffy ignores the now-screaming pain in his chest – it did not like that movement, no matter how painless Ace tried to make it – and sinks into the familiar warmth. Already, some of those worries are fading away.
“See?” Ace says softly, rubbing gentle circles into the back of Luffy’s hand. “I can’t go anywhere without you knowing. So, sleep, now, little brother.” Luffy lets the warmth that means family, means love, means home, comfort him, relaxing back fully and finally closing his eyes.
Feeling the reassuring beating of Ace’s heart under his ear, Luffy falls asleep, heart set at ease at last.