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3:27am.
The unforgiving light from Taehyun's phone is starting to hurt his eyes, even on the lowest brightness. He knows he should be asleep; they have schedules pretty early tomorrow, and if Soobin was with him now he'd be pestering him to get some rest. Soobin had been the last to trail off to bed an hour or so previously, though, sleepily wishing him goodnight, and Taehyun knows he's the last one of the five of them left awake.
All he can hear is the faint hum of the air conditioning and his own soft breathing. It's peaceful, now, and he likes it. Spending all day every day with the members means he's always having fun - there's always some nonsense going on, wrestling with Kai over a game they're playing or poking affectionate fun at Yeonjun - but it was at times as exhausting as it was entertaining. At these sorts of times, he found the quiet of the living room soothing, leaving him alone with his own thoughts.
The day's activities had, as ever, been long and hard. They'd had dance classes for most of the morning and all afternoon, drilling and repeating choreography until his hair was damp with sweat. Kinda gross. He'd flopped down onto the floor when their dance teacher had given them a five minute break and Beomgyu had lain down with his head on his stomach, dark hair just as sweaty as Taehyun's. Taehyun had attempted to swat him away with a half-hearted protest that he was getting his shirt all nasty, but Beomgyu wasn't having any of it, staying stubbornly where he was.
It wasn't exactly like Taehyun had wanted him to move, anyway. He could never say no to being close to Beomgyu. The memory brings a small smile to his face as he scrolls aimlessly through Weverse.
Suddenly, he's brought out of his thoughts by the sound of a door creaking open behind him, and quiet footsteps approaching.
"Taehyunie? You’re still awake?"
The shy smile grows on Taehyun's face as he recognises the soft, low voice, a little heavy with sleep.
Beomgyu shuffles over and plonks himself down next to him on the sofa. The light from Taehyun's phone illuminates his face and Taehyun watches as he blinks slowly, squinting in the glow. He's wearing trackies and a soft navy hoodie that's a little too big for him, fingers poking out of the end in sweater paws that Taehyun finds ridiculously cute.
Wait. He recognises that hoodie.
"Hyung, isn't this mine?" Taehyun lets out a soft giggle as he asks, tugging playfully at one of the strings. Beomgyu doesn't answer, just hums and leans into him, tucking his head onto Taehyuns shoulder and wrapping his arms around his middle. He's half-asleep, Taehyun realises, or he would've jumped at the chance to come up with some kind of witty comeback. It's cute.
Beomgyu's hair tickles his neck as Taehyun leans his own head gently against his, letting out a soft sigh and shutting his eyes. Beomgyu responds by tightening his arms around Taehyun's waist, curling himself into his side, and something familiar and warm stirs in his chest.
He can't pretend to himself that this doesn't affect him, this proximity. There had always been something different about the way he saw Beomgyu; the lightness he always feels watching him laugh isn’t quite normal for someone he just liked as a friend. He'd read once online that the person your eyes instinctively go to when you laugh is the person most dear to you, and ever since then he'd kept catching himself doing just that, looking straight for Beomgyu for the small privilege of watching his face light up in joy.
It was just that he was always drawn unwaveringly to Beomgyu like the gentle tide to the moon, like his own enamoured gaze to the stars. Helplessly, really. He never lets himself think about it too deeply, his own fear presenting a barrier, and it had become a habit to fight back the urge to drift time and time again to his side. In any case, it could only be that he feels this way alone, and that made it bittersweet. There’s no possibility Beomgyu feels like this about him. He doesn’t want to overstep his boundaries, for fear of losing the affectionate relationship they already have.
He can carry on like this, though. Beomgyu loves him, as a friend. This is okay, this is enough.
Which is, of course, a lie. Taehyun had grown very accustomed to telling himself these kinds of lies. And if he sits just the tiniest bit stiffly as Beomgyu's breath fans softly across his collarbones, making his breath catch in his throat, it's only because he has to keep pretending. He can't quite let himself go. This is too precious to jeopardise.
Beomgyu murmurs something quiet and incomprehensible into his shoulder, and the fondness in Taehyun’s heart grows impossibly stronger.
"Hm?" Taehyun asks him, gently.
"I like it."
"My hoodie?"
"Mmm."
"Well, it suits you."
Gentle compliments like these weren't by any means out of the ordinary for them, but it still feels a little risky. Taehyun's just telling the truth, though. The hoodie's oversized on him, so Beomgyu's swimming in it too, and he just looks so damn cute.
Taehyun locks his phone and they sit comfortably like that in the dark for a while, surrounded only by the sound of their quiet breathing. He wills the time to stretch on forever. Next to Beomgyu, he’s utterly content. Every worry, every stress of his hectic, intense schedule melts away, and his thoughts quiet down into peace.
He feels safe. He’s home.
Eventually Beomgyu sighs suddenly and sits up. His absence at Taehyun’s side is acute; his shoulder feels cold where he’d been leaning a second before.
“Taehyunie, it’s so late. You should be asleep.”
Taehyun smiles. “I could say the same for you.”
“At least I was trying to sleep!”
“You couldn’t again?”
“...No.”
Beomgyu looks down at his feet. They’ve talked about his occasional problems sleeping before, and Taehyun wishes he knew what he could do to help. It pains him to think of Beomgyu lying awake, staring at the ceiling for hours on end. All he can offer is comfort, so he settles for a gentle hand on Beomgyus knee. Beomgyu looks down and smiles slightly, before taking Taehyun’s hand and standing up.
“I’d just come to get water. Come on, you need to sleep.”
Taehyun follows him as he gets himself a glass of water and another for Taehyun. They’re quieter than they normally are when they’re together, but it’s okay. It’s late and they’re both tired, and the silence is comfortable. Their hands stay linked the whole time, and Taehyun is acutely aware of the way Beomgyu’s hand shifts to interlace their fingers, his attention utterly focused on the soft hand in his.
“Soobin’s gonna tell us off for leaving these glasses on the side,” Beomgyu murmurs.
“He can’t talk. Isn’t that his bowl from earlier, there?” Taehyun gestures to an empty bowl on the side that he’d watched Soobin eat ramen out of earlier that evening, smiling at the memory of his hyung cursing as he’d spilt some on his jeans.
Beomgyu giggles at that, light and musical. “Yeah, you’re right. Good luck to him if he tries to call us out.”
They’re walking towards their bedrooms now, and Taehyun feels his heart sink at the thought of having to let go of Beomgyu’s warm hand and head to his own bed. Bittersweet, once again. He loosens his grip as they reach the door of the room he shares with Kai.
But Beomgyu isn’t letting go. His hand is as tight as ever on his as leads them on to the next room, his own room. Turning back to Taehyun as he opens the door, he gives him a warm smile that makes his stomach swoop.
It’s been a long time since he’s slept in Beomgyu’s bed. Not since a certain cold February night, where Taehyun had worked himself up into a panicked frenzy over their imminent debut. Beomgyu had grounded him, a dependable presence murmuring softly to him and stroking his hair until he calmed down enough to sleep. He’d woken up with Beomgyu pressed against his back, arm around his waist and nose tucked in the nape of his neck. He thinks about that night more often than he’d like to admit.
(As does Beomgyu.)
Soobin’s not in his bed, which surprises Taehyun a little until he realises he’s probably in Yeonjun’s room. Figures. Those two were practically dating, anyway. Beomgyu goes to lie down and he lies down next to him, shuffling under the duvet.
He’s awkward at first, a conscious space between them even in Beomgyu’s tiny bed. Beomgyu grins at him, amused, and reaches to take his hand, rubbing his thumb gently over the back of his knuckles.
“It’s okay. I don’t bite.”
Taehyun laughs a little nervously in response but allows himself to shuffle towards him, knees bumping as Beomgyu lets go of his hand to reach an arm around him and pull him closer. They're so, so close now, face to face, closer than he could ever remember being to him. He watches Beomgyu shut his eyes and settle down to sleep, and does the same.
But Beomgyu’s fingers are tracing gentle looping patterns on the back of his shoulders, leaving trails of electricity under his fingertips, and Taehyun forgets how to breathe. He’s sure Beomgyu can feel his heart pounding out of his chest. Beomgyu had always been the affectionate type, taking any opportunity to play with the back of Taehyun’s hair or trace his fingers along his forearm, but something about this was different. Maybe it was how he could feel Beomgyu’s breath ghosting steady and soft against his face, a quiet sound in the dark.
He opens his eyes. Of course he does. Trust Taehyun to be helpless to resist an opportunity to gaze at Beomgyu; and god, is he beautiful. Even in the semi-darkness he’s close enough to count his dark lashes brushing against the tops of his cheeks.
His gaze, inevitably, trails down to his lips, slightly parted. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined what it might be like to kiss him. Even just the thought of it is enough to make his breath catch slightly in his throat. He’s staring now, he knows, head full as ever of whimiscal daydreams, but maybe he can forgive himself just this once.
Until Beomgyu opens his eyes.
Shit. He’s caught him.
There’s no way of hiding it now, so Taehyun stays frozen, his eyes fixed on Beomgyu’s. He’s fucked up. Now Beomgyu knows, and that’s it. This is exactly what he’s been so scared of; this could ruin the friendship that’s so indescribably precious to him.
But Beomgyu just gazes steadily back at him, and there’s something in the way he’s looking at him that makes his stomach drop and his breath catch. Beomgyu’s gazing into his eyes with a gentle tenderness, a half-smiling fondness that Taehyun can’t quite process.
But, now he thinks about it, this isn’t the first time he’s found Beomgyu looking at him like this. It’s happened before, across the busy waiting room before music broadcasts, across the table as they sleepily eat breakfast in comfortable silence before the chaos of the day begins. He’d caught Beomgyu’s eyes on him, expression as fond as it was distant and unreadable, as if he’d forgotten himself for a second.
Taehyun had refused to let himself think too much into it. He’d carefully constructed emotional boundaries for himself, for the sake of both the team and his own feelings. To hope was far too dangerous.
Yet now, as Beomgyu’s hand moves up from his back to card softly through his hair, under his gentle gaze in the tranquil silence of that dark room, he can’t help but let himself feel. He lets himself hope, as affection and longing glow achingly in his chest. He’s sure Beomgyu’s tender expression is reflected in his own eyes, and he resists the familiar habit of holding it back.
Something’s shifted in the air between them, something beyond words. For a short while, they just stay like that. Comfortable, safe.
And then, ever so softly, the silence breaks.
“...Can I kiss you?”
Beomgyu’s question is barely a whisper. His hand stops in Taehyun’s hair as he murmurs the words; he sounds just a little hesitant, a little uncertain. It makes Taehyun’s heart swell with fondness. His brain’s short-circuiting in dazed disbelief, and all he can manage in response is a nod.
But it’s enough, and Beomgyu’s eyes flutter shut as he slowly closes the short distance between them, hand moving to caress his cheek.
It’s hesitant at first, just a tentative press of lips on lips. Then Beomgyu pulls away before pressing back, kissing him deeper, thumb stroking gently against his cheek, and Taehyun can’t think. He can only kiss him back, a little desperately, twisting his hand into Beomgyu’s hair as the other boy shifts to hover slightly over him and kiss him again, again, again.
Taehyun’s breathless. The feeling of Beomgyu’s lips moving softly against his own is intoxicating and he presses ever closer, everything in the world vanishing apart from the two of them. There are warm sparks bursting in his mind, butterflies quivering in his chest, his heart thudding and his fingertips tingling.
He’s utterly enraptured as his chest bursts with warmth, heart soaring skywards.
They eventually pull away, Taehyun’s head still swimming, and Beomgyu presses their foreheads together, letting out a soft giggle. For a second they just stay like that, noses brushing, smiles lighting up their faces. And Taehyun realises the most obvious thing in the world; that this is where he’s meant to be.
(So does Beomgyu.)
Beomgyu shuffles down a little, pressing a soft kiss to Taehyun’s jaw before settling comfortably with his head tucked in the crook of his neck. Taehyun settles on his back as Beomgyu curls into his side, arm thrown across his shoulder. With the arm wrapped around Beomgyu, he traces drowsy patterns across his back, just as the other had earlier. Beomgyu sighs into his shoulder in response and nestles impossibly closer, breath tickling lightly across his neck. He feels his breathing gradually even out as he falls into a peaceful sleep.
They hadn’t said anything, but Taehyun doesn’t mind. He doesn’t think this needs words, really, not right now. Right now, all that matters is the boy sleeping serenely on his shoulder, and the fact that he can finally let himself accept that Beomgyu might just look back upon him with every ounce of adoration that he feels towards the elder. His entire being glows with happiness at the thought of it as he feels his mind drifting gently into sleep.
Maybe they’ll talk about it in the morning, what this means for them; but for now, just holding each other close says all they need to say.