Chapter Text
Lan Xichen was having the most lovely dream when he was jerked from sleep by a loud shout.
“Where the fuck did you put my phone charger?”
Nie Mingjue, of course.
Lan Xichen checked his phone for the time, and let out a sigh when he saw that it was two in the morning. He wasn’t surprised as much as he was too tired to put into words. He was also quick to come upon the realization that his roommates would no doubt continue arguing until he got out of bed, seeing as Nie Mingjue’s phone charger was currently plugged up to Lan Xichen’s phone. He hadn’t meant to take it, but his charger had stopped working that afternoon, and he’d forgotten to return it.
“I didn’t touch your phone charger,” came the reply, just as loud and maybe a touch more enraged.
Once upon a time, Jin Guangyao would have responded with his fake plastic smile and placating words, but it seemed all his carefully-maintained selfcontrol hath melted like snow in the glance of Nie Mingjue’s endless accusations and going stir-crazy from having to stay inside.
“Then where did it go? Did it sprout feet and walk away?”
Lan Xichen really didn’t want to get up, though. He knew that once he left the warm confines of his bed, he would no doubt get caught up in the conflict, and he had work to do tomorrow. Those two might not be able to do their jobs from their apartment, but Lan Xichen was stuck with a terrible assortment of video meetings and doing his work from the cramped desk in the corner of their apartment.
“For the last time, I haven’t touched anything that you own!”
Lan Xichen wondered if the neighbors were tired of this. Then again, they were probably as used to it by now as he was. Certainly no one had ever complained. Though, that might have been because to one side of them was a lady who was probably pushing 95 who was almost completely deaf, so she probably didn’t even realize they were loud. To the other side were a couple of college students who were equal parts terrified and in awe of Nie Mingjue after they saw him once with his shirt off coming back from the gym.
“Then how do you explain my coffee cup?”
“Okay, that was one time, and I was trying to keep our apartment from becoming a pig sty, not that you seem to care.”
Maybe he could just go back to sleep and let them work it out. Their shouts were so familiar it was almost like a lullaby at this point. Then again, he still had Nie Mingjue’s charger.
“You know what, this is stupid, just let me use your charger if you aren’t going to tell me where mine is.”
“No, I’m using it.”
“Not anymore.”
This was all Lan Xichen’s fault. He was the one that had them all move in together. He was the one who subjected them to this. Though, in his defence, he hadn’t expected to be stuck with them until further notice and not be allowed to leave. They got along fine normally, but the proximity was bringing out the worst in both of them. Well, the worst in all of them, but Xichen’s worst at the moment was just being completely and incredibly horny for the two bickering men in his apartment.
As Lan Xichen tried to talk himself into getting out of bed, there were suddenly loud scuffling noises from the other room that ended in concerning thump followed by the sound of something shattering.
Xichen sent a prayer up that it wasn’t anything of his.
“Look what you—”
“Oh so it’s not just my stuff you don’t respect, it’s Xichen’s too?”
Ah, he should have known that no one was going to answer his prayers especially seeing as he’d been rudely awakened at 2:30 in the morning and his roommates still wouldn’t fuck him. Or each other, that was important too.
“What are you talking about? That was your fault.”
Lan Xichen was sure that most of the animosity between them stemmed from the fact that the tension between the two was so thick, that Xichen could almost grab it in his hands and use it to knock some sense into the two of them.
“Oh, because everything is always my fault, isn’t it?”
“At least you admit it.”
When he finally, regrettably, pulled himself from his bed, he decided against putting a shirt on because he liked the way both of them thought they were subtle when they checked him out. He also figured it might be a good distraction to get them to stop yelling.
A thrill shot through him as he stood and carefully curated his sleep pants to slip slightly lower over his hip bones, just low enough to tease. Lan Xichen wasn’t a vain man, but he wasn’t an idiot. He knew he was attractive, and he knew his two roommates thought so as well. Was it bad that he wanted their eyes on him?
His phone in no danger of dying in the middle of the night, Lan Xichen unplugged the charger from behind his nightstand and made his way from the room.
The instant his door opened with a creak, the scuffling stopped.
“Oh, great, now you woke Xichen up.”
“Please, it was all you and your stupid big mouth.”
“I wouldn’t have had to open my stupid big mouth if you hadn’t stolen my…”
Lan Xichen stepped into the room while Nie Mingjue was speaking, phone charger dangling from his hand, ticking back and forth like he might hypnotize the two into getting along.
“Your phone charger?” Lan Xichen asked.
He was too tired to hide the grin that took over his face at the sight of Nie Mingjue scrambling from where he had Jin Guangyao pinned to the couch. It was impossible to miss the way they were both flushed red from what he knew was more than just their argument.
The two had been dancing around each other since before they’d moved in together, and they were doing such a bad job at pretending they didn’t want to be all over each other.
The silence in the room was almost deafening in the wake of their shouting, and the two stared at Lan Xichen just like he knew they would. Nie Mingjue, having in his possession neither subtlety nor tact, was staring almost slack-jawed at Lan Xichen in all his tired, irritated, stolen-sweatpant glory. Jin Guangyao was trying—and failing—to hide the way he glanced over Lan Xichen’s abs, but the way he gulped was very telling.
There was something that was just so powerful about standing there in nothing but the too-big sweatpants that he’d stolen from Nie Mingjue and never given back, Maybe he should have felt subconscious, but the way their eyes roved over his shoulders, his chest, his abs, his hips, the cut of his hip bone that he was especially proud of, that made him feel unstoppable.
He didn’t go without a shirt often, and it was worth it if they reacted like this every time he bared his chest.
The shiver that ran up his spine was from more than the chill of the room.
Not to sound too arrogant, but Lan Xichen was completely confident in his ability to seduce his roommates. In fact, he’d done it before. The only problem was, he didn’t want to seduce one of them, he wanted both of them, together, with each other.
Honestly, he could probably shove them both against the couch now and they’d both go with it. But then they would get weird about it and not look each other in the eyes for the next week, and Lan Xichen would be back at square one. These two were just stubborn enough that he knew they would have to come to some conclusions on their own before he could make his move on both of them.
Also, it was two in the morning, and Lan Xichen had a meeting at 8:30.
He tossed the charger to Nie Mingjue.
“I would appreciate it if you two would keep it down.”
“Sorry Xichen,” Jin Guangyao said, tearing his eyes away to cut a glare over to Nie Mingjue.
“Yeah, sorry.”
When he turned around, he could hear more scuffling that came to an abrupt halt as soon as he stretched his arms over his head in a way he knew accentuated his back muscles.
He could almost feel the weight of their eyes on his back as he disappeared into his room.