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A Parental Predicament

Summary:

Adrian is bringing home his boyfriend to meet his parents. There's just one tiny problem: his boyfriend is a descendant of a notorious monster-hunting family, and his father is Dracula.

It goes about as well as you would expect.

Notes:

So based on early reviews, I'm guessing positive season three is going to make me real fucking stabby, so before I watch it and start swearing incoherently, have a fic that I've been dying to write since October, where Dracula has to deal with the fact that his son is dating a Belmont.

This fills the Meet the Parents/Family square on my trope bingo board, and means I have one (1) square left to hit a bingo! \o/

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Vlad stopped moving with his shirt halfway over his head, as the words his wife had uttered fully registered. "I'm sorry, did you just say—"

"That Adrian is bringing home a boy to meet us," Lisa repeated, and he could hear the amusement in her voice.

"Yes, I heard that." Vlad finished removing his shirt and tossed it aside. "Can you repeat his name?"

Lisa tapped her finger to her chin, like she was trying to remember, even though he'd never once seen her struggle to remember something in twenty years of marriage and she'd literally said it not two minutes before. "Trevor. Trevor Belmont."

"Belmont?!"

Lisa slid a sharp look in his direction. "Darling, don't you dare gouge another hole in that wardrobe."

Vlad yanked his hand away from the wood, where bits of it were already curling off under his nails. "He's bringing home a Belmont? Has he lost his damned mind? Doesn't he know what that family is?"

Lisa scoffed and went back to brushing her hair. "I don't know how he could fail to know, considering how often you've mentioned it."

He crossed the room to her vanity. "Then perhaps I should explain again, as you're so unconcerned about this. They're vampire hunters, Lisa."

She set her brush down and looked up at him. "As I, and Adrian, are well aware. Adrian trusts him, and I trust our son."

As should you went unspoken, but the words hung in the air between them anyway.

"Adrian's still a child," Vlad argued.

Lisa rolled her eyes. "For heaven's sake, Vlad, he's twenty. An infant by your standards, perhaps, but well into adulthood by human ones, and more than capable of making his own decisions about who to love." She took his hand and traced her finger over his knuckles. "Or have you forgotten that I was near his age when I came to you?"

"I—you—that was different."

She pressed her lips together, eyes alight with mirth. "Oh, please enlighten me as to how it is. I would love to hear this explanation."

He leaned closer to her. "You were not a vampire hunter."

Lisa stood slowly, her eyes still sparkling. "No, but I was a very mortal human, well aware I was walking into the den of a vampire who could have killed me as easily as snapping a twig. I knew the risks, and I took them anyway." She slid her hand along his jaw, up to his cheek. "And isn't it a wonderful thing that I did?"

Vlad wanted to argue with her. He very much wanted to argue with her, but Lisa was right, as she was far more often than he was comfortable with. He tilted his head into her caress. "I still don't like it."

"You don't have to like it," she said. "You simply have to trust our son and give the boy a chance."

"Belmont," Vlad muttered. "He's still a Belmont."

"Fine." Lisa stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Give the Belmont a chance."

"If he makes one move against you or our son—"

"If he actually tries to hurt either of us, then you're welcome to throw him out." She drew back and narrowed her eyes. "No killing him. Not in front of Adrian."

He turned to kiss her palm. "As you wish."

"Good." She slid her other arm around his waist. "And now, I wish for you to take me to bed."

That, at least, was a request with which Vlad was more than eager to comply.

***

The proposed dinner took place three days later, at Lisa's house in the village. Vlad would allow a lot of things for the sake of his wife and son, but he'd be damned if he voluntarily allowed a Belmont into his castle for a meal and a cup of tea.

Lisa opened the door to greet them, wrapping Adrian in a hug first, and then standing back to assess the man with him. "And you must be Trevor."

This Belmont looked exactly like every other member of his family Vlad had ever seen skulking around his castle, dark hair and pale skin and sharp eyes. This one looked a bit younger than some of the others had—closer to Adrian's age, Vlad guessed—with a shadow of a beard on his face, and his hair was brushed in such a way that Vlad suspected it was usually much more unkempt. His shirt bore the Belmont crest on his chest, because of course it did. Going to have dinner at a vampire's home; why wouldn't you announce yourself a member of the most notorious vampire-hunting family in Wallachia?

Lisa pulled them both into the house. "Trevor, welcome, it's so nice to finally meet you."

Speak for yourself, Vlad thought.

"Thank you for inviting me for dinner," the Belmont said, and gave her a warm smile.

Well, at least this one had something akin to manners.

Adrian took the Belmont by the hand and pulled him over to Vlad. "Trevor, this is my father, Vlad Tepes. Father, this is Trevor."

Vlad smiled and let his fangs extend more than he would have normally. "Belmont."

The Belmont met his gaze flatly, neither surprised nor intimidated. "Dracula."

Lisa took Vlad's arm and jabbed a finger into his side. "Darling."

Vlad glanced at her, and immediately recognized her warning look. He would have protested, but from the hissed "Trevor" from his son, it sounded like the Belmont was being scolded as well.

Lisa pulled him toward the dining room. "Come on. Why don't we all have a seat for dinner?"

***

Lisa, perhaps prudently, set the table so that she and Adrian provided a buffer between Vlad and the Belmont. The downside to that particular arrangement meant that Vlad was facing him for the duration of the dinner, but that was marginally better than sitting next to him. Marginally.

All that being what it was, it was good to have Adrian home again. He'd been away for months—ostensibly fighting monsters, apparently falling in love with an unwashed vampire hunter—and Vlad was happy to see that he was doing well.

"So, how was it that you two met?" Lisa asked.

Adrian and the Belmont shared a quick look, and then Adrian set his fork down and spoke. "We met when I was in Gresit, dealing with the captive Forgemaster. I wrote you about that, didn't I?"

Lisa nodded. "You were there for a while, weren't you?"

"Nearly two weeks," the Belmont spoke up. "We found the Forgemaster and took care of the vampire holding him captive, but apparently he was working under orders from someone else."

Adrian looked at Vlad. "We think he was working for Carmilla."

Vlad tapped his finger on the table and sighed heavily. "Of course."

Carmilla was just the type to kidnap a Forgemaster and force him to work for her. She'd always been deferent to Vlad to his face—he could damn well rip her apart if she wasn't, and she knew it—but she held humans in even lower esteem than he did, if that were possible. His spies had told him her opinions of Lisa and Adrian, and his choice to marry a human without turning her; unfortunately, there was little he could do about it when there were only rumors and Carmilla had made no overt move.

"What happened to the Forgemaster?" Vlad asked.

"We found him a cabin outside Gresit, near one of the villages," Adrian said. "It's not ideal, but he genuinely doesn't want to hurt anyone. Mostly he seems to enjoy reanimating pets."

Vlad slid his gaze from his son to the Belmont. "And you were all right with this?"

The Belmont picked up his drink and shrugged. "The man just wants to be left the fuck alone with his undead menagerie. I don't see the appeal, but as long as he's not hurting anybody, who gives a shit what he does?"

Adrian rolled his eyes, and there was a thud under the table and the Belmont stifled a yelp. There was another silent conversation between them with facial expressions, and then the Belmont turned a slightly guilty look toward Lisa. "Er, excuse my language, Dr. Tepes."

Lisa covered her mouth with one hand and coughed delicately, the way she did when she was trying very hard not to laugh. "That's perfectly fine, Trevor."

Vlad did not find it amusing. Not even a little.

He went back to considering the problem of the Forgemaster. A solitary cabin wouldn't do much against Carmilla if she got it in her head to find him again. "You should bring the Forgemaster to the castle," he said to Adrian.

"We—" Adrian started.

"Fuck no," the Belmont cut in, and really, did the man know of no other words? "He just wants to be left alone; why would we get him out of captivity just to put him back in it?"

Adrian closed his eyes and there was another, louder thud under the table, and this time the Belmont snapped, "What?!"

"It's not captivity," Vlad answered, since apparently this Belmont was actually worried about the Forgemaster, more than he let on. "If it really is Carmilla who had him, she's not going to let him go so easily. A cabin might protect him from humans. Not from her, or any of her other minions."

The Belmont leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest, eyeing Vlad skeptically. "You want me to believe that you, of all people, want to offer him protection?"

"I want to keep him out of Carmilla's hands," Vlad said, "which will materially amount to the same thing." He turned to Lisa. "The idea of a group of undead pets running around the castle doesn't disturb you, does it, my dear?"

"Darling, you had a forest of skeletons in front of your castle when we met," Lisa replied sweetly. "This is certainly a step in the right direction."

The Belmont did not look moved by this argument. "His cabin's well-protected. We made sure of that."

"It is," Adrian agreed, "but that was before we knew it was Carmilla. Father's right, she's not going to let a Forgemaster go easily. The castle is almost certainly the safest place for him."

The Belmont turned fully to Adrian. "Are you sure?"

Adrian nodded.

"All right, fine, you win." The man sounded reluctant, but from the way Adrian smiled, Vlad guessed he wouldn't go back on his agreement. "We'll head back that way when we leave. All goes to plan, you'll have a new houseguest in...what do you think, two weeks?"

"Sounds right," Adrian said.

Lisa smiled. "I look forward to meeting him. And we'll make sure he has plenty of space for his animals."

Adrian looked quietly pleased about this outcome, and Vlad wondered if that had been at least part of his motive in coming home now to introduce his...partner. If so, that was smart—Forgemasters were rare and powerful, and had a tendency to attract attention from all kinds of creatures, in addition to not being very popular with humans. His castle would easily deter most unwanted attention, and he couldn't ignore the fact that it would be easy to befriend a Forgemaster living in his home. Just in case.

And...all right, he could appreciate that the Belmont had acquiesced to Adrian's opinion, even though it was clear he didn't entirely agree. That raised him in Vlad's estimation. Minutely.

That still didn't mean he had to be pleased about this relationship.

"When was that business in Gresit?" Vlad asked.

Adrian and the Belmont shared a look, and then Adrian said, "About eight months ago."

His tone held the same note of warning Lisa often got, but Vlad disregarded it. "And how long have you two been...together?"

"Four months," Adrian said, just as the Belmont said, "Six months."

They both jerked and looked at each other, Adrian in surprise, and the Belmont looked...hurt?

Hm.

Vlad raised an eyebrow, and glanced over at Lisa, who met his eyes briefly and sipped her tea. So she thought it was strange, too.

"That's certainly some discrepancy," Vlad said evenly.

Adrian was very slowly turning red. "I—we—"

"You weren't counting the first two months?" the Belmont asked.

Adrian turned to him and hissed, "You were?"

"Oh, goodness, look at the time." Lisa stood up smoothly. "Vlad, darling, come help me with dessert."

Get out of the goddamn dining room and give them some alone time, she might as well have shouted.

He stayed in his seat, just long enough that her gaze grew flinty, before he stood up as well. "Of course, my dear. Whatever you need."

She took his arm and beamed up at him. "Thank you." To Adrian and the Belmont, she said, "Please, continue eating. We'll be back in a few moments."

He led her into the kitchen, and as soon as the door swung shut, angry whispers started up in the dining room. Vlad lingered at the doorway to listen, but Lisa yanked him away from it.

"You are going to give them privacy, do you understand me?" she hissed.

"I just want to hear the explanation," he said innocently.

Lisa stared up at him for a long moment, like she was trying to decide if he really was that dense or just playing at it. "The explanation, darling, which I know you know, is that they were sleeping together for those intervening two months and whether they were in a relationship at the time is apparently up in the air. And you are going to leave them alone to discuss it."

Vlad took her hands in his and gently kissed her knuckles. "Hm, I think it's very irresponsible of our son to engage in those activities without being in a committed relationship."

Lisa's cheeks reddened and she pulled her hands away. "Oh, hush."

She stalked across the kitchen to where she'd set the cake, and Vlad followed. "Really, it's something they should have talked about. After all, I know what it's like to have a blond temptress toy with your heart, where they believe it's only physical while—"

Lisa swatted him. "I was trying to seem more worldly, you great ass. I didn't think I had a hope of you returning my feelings."

Vlad caught her hand again for another kiss. "Whereas I remained convinced that you could never love someone like me. Who knew that our son would inherit your fickle nature?"

Lisa hit him with her other hand. "And here I thought you were getting less rude."

He chuckled and pulled her in for a kiss, and then another, until Lisa sighed and wound her arms around his neck, arching into him. He set his hands at her waist, lifting her easily, and then set her on the counter where he could let his hands roam over her dress. Not to undo any of it, of course—that wasn't possible with their son in the dining room—but to show her exactly where he wanted to touch her, which laces he wanted to untie, the seams he wanted to pull apart.

Lisa threaded her fingers through his hair and let out a breathy sigh.

Vlad turned his attention to her neck. "Quiet, my dear. We don't want to attract attention."

"You," Lisa pushed him back, and he could see her face was flushed and her eyes were dark with desire, "are terrible."

He smiled and very chastely kissed her cheek. "You did marry me."

"Whatever was I thinking," Lisa murmured. "Have they finished yet?"

Vlad stopped focusing all his senses on her and turned his ears, at least, back toward the dining room. He didn't hear arguing. In fact, what he did hear sounded remarkably similar to what he and Lisa had just been getting up to.

"I believe they've sorted out their differences," he told her. "And I believe we'll need to make a very loud racket before we go back into the dining room."

Lisa laughed and let him pull her off the counter. "I'll leave that to you."

He waited until she had the cake, and then he shoved the door open so that it banged against the wall hard enough to crack the plaster. Adrian and Belmont leapt apart from each other and back into their seats, both their faces violently red and their hair looking like someone had been dragging hands through it.

Lisa sauntered into the room with the cake and set it on the table, giving no sign that she noticed their disheveled appearances. "There. I hope you're both ready for dessert."

"It looks delicious, Dr. Tepes," Belmont said.

Lisa smiled beatifically and cut the cake. "So, where were we?"

"Adrian was telling us how long they've been together," Vlad said helpfully.

Lisa looked like she wanted to take the cake knife to his head, but Adrian cleared his throat and said, "Six months. It's been six months."

He and Belmont shared the most disgustingly besotted look Vlad had ever seen in his life. Truly, it was outrageous.

Vlad did not roll his eyes, but it was a near thing. "Well, I'm glad that's settled."

Lisa held out two plates and kicked him in the shin without losing either her balance or her composure. "Let's have some cake."

***

"Your father fucking hates me."

Vlad paused in the hallway just outside Adrian's bedroom at the sound of Belmont's voice. Dinner had gone about as well as could be hoped, given the situation, but he still wanted to hear how they behaved when they believed they were alone.

Lisa would be irritated with him for eavesdropping, but he could make it up to her later if she did find out.

"That's likely." Adrian's voice, now.

"Thanks, Adrian, I feel so much better about this." Belmont's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"You're a hunter descended from the most famous monster-hunting family the world's ever known," Adrian said. "It takes both of my hands to count the number of times your ancestors have broken into our castle. Yes, it's going to take more than one dinner for him to warm up to you."

"Great, so I get to sleep tonight while waiting for him to try and rip my throat out."

Vlad scoffed internally. Try nothing; he would succeed.

"Don't be ridiculous," Adrian said. "Mother likes you well enough. He'll leave you alone."

"Really? I'm supposed to believe he won't kill me just because she says so?"

Well, Belmont was appropriately paranoid. That was good.

The bed creaked, as though someone had sat on it. "Yes. He adores her. He'd never do anything to make her unhappy." Adrian's voice got quiet. "You have to understand, he'd been alone a very long time when she showed up. And...well, you met her. She's..."

"Beautiful? Impressive? Terrifying?" Belmont supplied.

The words raised him further in Vlad's esteem, although Belmont had forgotten brilliant and capable. That could likely be forgiven; he'd only just met Lisa tonight.

"Yes," Adrian said, and he sounded amused. "She's all of those things and more. And to hear him tell it, he fell in love with her almost the moment she stepped into the castle and scolded him for being rude."

Belmont laughed. "Love at first insult?"

"Something like that."

"I know how he feels," Belmont said quietly.

There was silence for a moment before Belmont spoke again. "I was alone for a long time before you came along. Not hundreds of years, obviously, but—"

"Trevor—"

"It's not exactly any fun, being alone. You just learn to live with it because you have to. And you forget that there was any other way to be. Meeting someone who reminds you what it's like to—to have another person who gives a shit about your existence, it's..." Belmont cleared his throat. "Anyway. I see why he adores her."

"Trevor," Adrian said again, with a particular tone Vlad had never heard from his son, and he decided that he had eavesdropped enough for the night.

He found Lisa in their bedroom, sitting in front of her vanity and brushing her hair. Vlad crossed the room and lifted a handful of golden strands, letting them trail through his fingers.

Lisa set her brush down and looked up at him. "I think dinner went well, don't you?"

Vlad kissed her head. "Belmont didn't give me any reason to kill him, so yes."

Lisa rolled her eyes. "I know you don't like him, but he and Adrian seem to care for each other very much. Can you at least trust your son with that?"

Vlad considered the conversation he'd overheard, and took Lisa's hand so he could kiss his way up her arm. "Yes, I think I can."

It had really not been so long ago that he had been alone, locked up in his castle for years on end, only leaving to feed. He had not thought himself lonely, but Lisa's arrival had thrown that idea into upheaval, and he'd soon realized that life could be so much better and brighter than the motions he'd been going through.

He could not be terribly upset that his son had been that catalyst for someone else. Even if that someone else was a Belmont.

Lisa sighed. "You know, I think they'll be good for each other. At the very least, I'm glad to know Adrian isn't traveling alone."

"My dear," Vlad said against her shoulder, "I am trying very hard to seduce you right now. Can we please discuss our son later?"

"Oh." Lisa smiled at him in the mirror. "My apologies, darling. Please continue your seduction."

"Gladly," he murmured, and did.

Notes:

Yes, that's me throwing in a little bit of a fix for Hector as well; just let the man live quietly with his undead puppies!

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