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“I try not to let unrequited love get me down, man. I mean, I think unrequited love is like a universal experience, right. Like, most people experience it, and if there was no unrequited love in the world then everything would just go to shit. Like, if no one was sitting at home, weeping over Brian from work not loving them back or whatever, then what would the sad love song writers of our time have to wax poetic about? Society would fall without our regular dose of Ed Sheeran’s sweet sweet voice serenading us with tragic tales of long lost love, and god forbid the music industry can’t profit off of the general disappointment that is the world of romance -”
“Dirk, what the fuck are you talking about?” You have to interrupt him, because you’ve fully lost track of whatever he’s been speaking about for the last ten minutes, and as much as you could sit and listen to him speak for hours, you know he really will talk for that long if you don’t put an end to it eventually.
He snaps out of his rambling suddenly, leaving his mouth just a little open as he turns his head to look at you properly. The corners of his mouth twitch upwards into an almost-smile that’s practically a grin coming from him.
“I was just saying that unrequited love makes us who we are,” he explains, “But uh, I think I sorta went off track.”
“Yeah, no shit,” you laugh faintly. “How did we get onto that topic anyway?”
“Oh, uh, I dunno, Roxy was talking ‘bout crushes or something and then… wait where the fuck did Roxy go?”
“She always leaves when you start rambling,” you say.
“Rude,” he says, clasping a hand over his heart, and you know he’s about to start rambling dramatically again so you dive at him and tackle him to the ground. (You can’t help it, you just always want to be touching him. It’s not weird. Right?)
He lets out an ‘oof’ falling backwards onto the grass, and you laugh as he starts to flail his arms to bat you off while you try to pin him down. His face comes up, just a little too close to yours, so close you can just about see his eyes through the lenses of his shades, and hear the way he swallows as the two of you make eye contact. You panic, for a second thinking about doing… something… maybe kissing him. What would it be like, to just lean down and close the distance between the two of you, to finally do the thing you’ve wanted for ages? Would he push you away? Or… would he ever kiss you back? But then he thrashes again and you know you’ve got to block those thoughts away, got to keep it friendly, and you push him back downwards again, possibly a little too forcefully to look normal. He’s always been a pretty hands-on type of guy, though, and the two of you have scrummed like this so many times before, more than most friends do probably, so you know his weak spots. Your hands go straight to his hips to tickle him and he lets out a positively adorable giggle in surprise, a noise that’s so unlike him, squirming under you in a way that definitely doesn’t make your face flush bright red.
“John. John! Stop!” Dirk gasps after a few seconds between hysterical laughs, fighting to keep his face as expressionless as ever but failing royally, “You’re killing me! Stop!”
You stop and sit up, only to find yourself straddling his hips, and flop sideways off of him to lay on your back in the grass beside him. He’s still laughing and letting out little panting breaths, noises you pretend aren’t getting you just a little flustered, and you can’t help peering over at him, just to catch a glimpse of his flushed face and see the way he’s fighting back a smile. He’s cute like this, when he’s not so highly-strung as usual and he lets his hair down a bit. You wish he’d show this side of himself more often.
“What the fuck are you two idiots doing?” A voice asks, and you look up quickly to see Dave leaning over the two of you. He looks from you to his brother and shakes his head with a sigh.
“Nothin’,” Dirk mumbles, getting up to his feet in one swift motion. Dave says something to him, so quiet you can’t hear it, and you watch as Dirk shakes his head and jokingly swats Dave around the head. The movement of his arm lifts his tank top a little, exposing a sliver of skin above his waistband. You blush and turn away, not hearing a word of whatever the two brothers are still whispering about.
Your name is John Egbert, and you are completely and irrevocably in love with your best friend’s dorky older brother.
********
You’d thought it would be a good idea, when Jade invited everyone round for a garden party, to leave the house for once, maybe even to catch up with a few friends you haven’t seen in a while. You, of course, hadn’t factored John Egbert into the mix.
You’ve been avoiding him a little recently, not with any malicious intent, mostly to protect yourself from the feelings that always come rising to the surface when you’re around him. You’ve been getting to know John since the end of the game, and somehow in that short time you’ve gotten weirdly close to him, too close maybe. Now, every time you look at him you feel your heart skip a beat just slightly, and when he laughs the butterflies in your stomach make you feel sick. He’s got a cute little crooked overbite and glasses that are always wonky on his face, and he really just shouldn’t be as adorable as he is. It’s not fair.
“Dude,” Dave says despairingly after rescuing you from John’s unexpected (and yet not really unwelcome) tickle attack. You’d just been ranting about crushes, venting your feelings to his face without ever really saying his name. You’ve done it multiple times before, he never catches on. You’re pretty sure he still thinks you’re in love with Jake
“Dude,” Dave says again, “Please just fucking ask him out already, I’m sick of watching you pine over him.”
“I don’t pine!” You declare, glancing over your shoulder and finding to your relief that John’s already wandered away.
You’re a little ashamed at how quickly Dave caught on to your crush on his friend. He’s known about your crush practically as long as you have. Luckily, he doesn’t care. His old crush on John died out years ago. That doesn’t mean you still don’t find the entire ordeal weird and uncomfortable to talk about with him.
“Look, bro, it’s not that hard. Just stroll over and mash your face against his. It’s Egbert, he’ll love it.”
“I really feel sorry for Karkat if that’s how you think romance works,” you drawl sarcastically, and he sticks a middle finger up at you. “I’m not gonna do that,” you add, “Not gonna make a fool of myself just to hear him yell about how he’s ‘not a homosexual’ and embarrass me further in front of everyone until I wish the ground would just open up and swallow me whole.”
Dave actually goes through the entire process of lifting his shades up just so you can watch him roll his eyes, before dropping them back down again. “You know what, man, I shouldn’t have bothered bringing it up. You’re just as useless as Egbert. The two of you are never going to work this shit out.”
“There’s nothing to work out,” you say, dropping your voice as Rose and Kanaya wander past, paying you two no attention though you know Rose is always listening, “Egbert’s straight, and I just have tiny, childish crush, just like you did. This will all be over in a few weeks, so leave it be.”
Dave is, unsurprisingly, not at all fazed by your outburst. “Whatever man,” he shrugs, “I was just tryna help. Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got my own boyfriend to be hanging out with, wherever the fuck he’s gone. Good luck with your thing.”
Dave sounds almost disappointed that you’re not taking his advice, as if he’d ever really expected you to, and you shake your head faintly at his retreating back as he strolls away, still reeling from everything he’s said and trying to come to some sort of decision in your head. Dave had spoken almost as if he thought John felt the same about you but… he can’t, right? Why would anyone ever love you?
“Dirky!” Roxy’s loud voice cuts through your thoughts and you let out an audible sigh of relief at the distraction. She links one arm with yours and starts to drag you away before you can even say a word, and as she begins to chatter loudly about something cute her newest cat did recently you try to shove all thoughts of John Egbert out of your mind.
********
Evening starts to fall, though the summer heat still hangs in the air and you’re all able to stay out in Jade’s garden and watch the sunset paint the sky a thousand shades of pink, purple and orange. Orange. It’s a colour that won’t ever leave your head anymore. Orange, like Dirk’s eyes, orange like the hat logo on that stupid shirt he won’t stop wearing, orange like the beanbag in his bedroom where you once woke up wrapped in his arms after you both passed out during a movie marathon that Dave gave up on early into the night. You shiver despite the lingering warmth of the day’s summer sun.
You haven’t seen Dirk in a while. He went off with Roxy, Jake and Jane, and you’ve been unable to stop yourself from sneaking glances over at the four of them as they sit in a group at the edge of Jade’s garden chatting amongst themselves. The four of them are so comfortable with each other, Roxy draping herself across Jane and Dirk’s laps, reaching up to poke Dirk in the face occasionally just to annoy him, while Jake leans heavily against Dirk’s side as he leans around him to speak to Jane. Their laughs and loud chatter drift across the garden, mixing with the crackle of the bonfire that Dave, Terezi and Karkat have been building for the last while and are now finally setting fire to, and the sound of Jade trying to teach Kanaya how to work a barbecue.
“John,” Rose is suddenly by your side, sitting down on the picnic blanket you’ve been sprawled out on for the last half an hour. You sit up slowly and turn your body to face her.
“Hey,” you grin, hoping at least she’ll provide some sort of distraction form your plight.
“So, John, it’s been a while since we last talked. How are things?” She asks, in that nice, well-rounded way that you know means she’s got something up her sleeve.
“I’m fine, Rose,” you say, “Now what do you really want to ask me?”
She smooths down the front of her skirt awkwardly and clears her throat. “Ah, perhaps I’ve been a little too obvious,” she says with a small sigh, “Subtlety was never my strong point. Nevertheless, I suppose I’ll ask what I came here to, if that’s okay with you.”
“Go ahead,” you say with a nod.
“I can’t help but notice that recently you seem to be just a little infatuated with a certain Strider,” she says, and you instantly feel your heart clench in panic. “And I don’t mean Dave,” she adds dryly.
“What! No! Wh - I - No!” You fluster, and she smirks at you faintly, smug, like she knows she’s right.
“It’s no big deal,” she says with a shrug, “Nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I don’t,” you start too loudly, and lower your voice before adding at a whisper, “I don’t like Dirk.”
“Oh really?”
“Really,” you mutter, “Wh-what makes you think I do?”
“You can’t keep your eyes off of him, or your hands. And you blush every time he talks to you,” she starts, and you hold up a hand before she can add to the list.
“How much have you been watching me?” You sigh.
Rose shrugs. “Enough to know what I’m looking at.”
“And what’s that?”
“An Egbert with a crush.”
“Ugh, I hate you,” you grumble.
“No you don’t, and you’re going to hate me even less in just a second,” she says.
You look up at her slowly. “Why?”
“I think I've proved time and time again, including right this second, that I’m a pretty good judge of character, would you agree?” She asks.
“Uh, yeah, sure,” you reply.
“Then I trust you’ll take some sort of meaning from me telling you that I’ve seen the same signs in Dirk that I’ve seen in you.”
“Could you please not speak in riddles for once?” you sigh.
“I think he likes you too,” she explains, and you panic again.
“What? Don’t do that to me! No! He can’t! Why would he ever-”
“John,” she says, “I won’t promise you anything because that’s just risky but… why not take a chance? You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
“I might regret it if I do too,” you point out.
Again she shrugs, nonchalant. “We all regret things in life, but if we don’t take chances we’ll forever be stuck wondering about the what-ifs.”
“Is that how you felt with Kanaya?” You ask, and instantly her face softens.
“Yes,” she breathes out, her gaze travelling away from you to over where Kanaya is now distracting Terezi with burgers. “Kanaya is… everything I’ve ever wanted and more. She makes me whole. Love is so strong, so important. It’s not worth fighting your feelings.”
“Dirk and I we wouldn’t -”
“I don’t want to hear that you ‘wouldn’t work’ or ‘wouldn’t be good together’,” she says, “I’ve seen you two together, John. Even earlier today. The two of you are great even as friends, there’s a closeness there that’s something rare and special. Don’t let go of that.”
“I don’t want to lose it, though,” you sigh, and she smiles sadly.
“I know,” she says, “We never want to risk the things that are most important to us.”
That stops you for a second. Is Dirk one of the most important things in your life? Yes. Without a doubt. You want to keep him safe and happy and always have him close by you. But does he know that? You don’t know.
“John?”
“Yeah, uh, gimme some time to think,” you say, waving a hand vaguely in her direction even as your eyes are drifting over towards Dirk.
“Of course,” she replies, “See you later.”
She’s up in an instant, as quiet and serene as ever as she practically drifts back across the garden towards Kanaya. At the last minute though, she swerves slightly, and pulls Dave away from Karkat by his sleeve to whisper something into his ear. You can see his smirk all the way from over here. Whatever they’re planning, you’re not sure you want to know what it is, and you’re certainly worried it’s about you. You watch them for a second, but when they don’t do anything else out of the ordinary you glance as inconspicuously as possible back over to where Dirk now seems to be trying to dance, and you laugh softly. He really is so strange, but you know that’s what you like about him. He makes you feel like maybe the world’s not as boring and miserable as you once thought. And you know then that you can’t do nothing about this. Rose was right, love is important.
*******
When it gets too dark and a little too cold for it to be sensible for you all to remain in the garden, and yet no one quite wants to leave yet, Jade suggests a movie, and people start to head slowly into her house, trailing in in little groups. Dirk’s still with Roxy and Jake, chatting to them as they pack up their little speaker and go to head inside. They pass you, as you’re dithering, trying to make some sort of decision still on what to do, and he turns his head ever so slightly, so you just about see his eyes move in your direction behind his shades.
“DirkIneedtotalktoyou!” you blurt out in one long stream of syllables that certainly isn’t understandable to anyone but you.
“What?” He says, understandably baffled by the mess that just came out of your mouth.
“I need to talk to you,” you repeat, slower, more controlled, ignoring how hard your heart is already racing. If you don’t do this quick enough there’s a good chance you’re going to die of a heart attack before your 20th birthday.
“Alright,” he says with a shrug, untangling himself from Roxy’s arm that’s around his waist. “Be in in a second,” he says, patting Jake on the shoulder as his friends continue on inside, before turning to raise an eyebrow at you curiously.
“Not here,” you say, nodding towards the back door that’s still open. He looks further confused by this, but when you start to head further down the garden he just follows you silently.
Jade’s garden is beautiful, and huge. A lawn stretches in every direction around her house, gently sloping in some places, and flowerbeds and vegetable patches are dotted her and there. At the very bottom of the garden it’s less tame; trees and bushes and wild flowers grow upwards as tall as possible in a battle for sunlight, creating a sort of forest at the very end of her garden. It’s this part of the garden that you lead Dirk to. It’s the furthest you can go without looking too weird, and hopefully well enough away from the prying eyes of any of your particularly nosy friends.
“So, can I ask what’s going on or are you still playing the silent game?” He asks as you finally come to a halt after a long walk in silence. You turn to face him and swallow back a lump in your throat.
“Uh, yeah I just… needed to talk to you,” you mutter.
“In the middle of the fucking woods?” he asks.
“Rose is always listening, Dirk. Always,” you hiss, and he actually cracks a small smile.
“Yeah, those Lalonde’s love their prying, huh?” He says with a fond smile. “Now what exactly do you wanna ask? And if it’s something stupid like ‘what’s your favourite colour’ then I’m going to -”
“Orange!” You blurt.
“What?”
“It’s orange. Y-you’re favourite colour, I mean,” you mutter.
“Right,” he says slowly.
“And orange always makes me think of you. Like sunsets and beanbags and… oranges.” You’re starting to feel like an idiot.
“Egbert, what the fuck are you going on about?” He sighs.
“And your eyes!” You add, finally finding a point to centre on, “They’re orange and I… think they’re really cool, and it kinda makes me sad that you cover them up so much because I’d like to get to look at them more.”
His mouth twitches very slightly, almost unrecognisably, and you know he’s realising something, that he’s catching on to what you’re saying. “Oh yeah?” He says, and then in one quick motion he snatches his glasses from his face and slides them onto the collar of his tank top.
You let out a shaky breath as he leans just a little closer and actually winks at you. “Yeah,” you say, “They’re pretty. You’re pretty. Well not pretty, uh, handsome. Hot? Ugh.”
“Hey,” he says, and suddenly there’s a finger tilting your chin upwards just a little, forcing you to look directly into those eyes. “I’m okay with you thinking I’m pretty,” he murmurs, voice dropping lower, his warm breath just ghosting across your face. He’s close. So, so close. You could kiss him right now, it wouldn’t take much, you’d just have to stretch up on your toes very slightly and… you let out a tiny little whimper at the thought.
And then he does it for you.
You’re not quite sure what exactly you were expecting. Movies and books have you expecting some sort of huge moment with fireworks and passions, your own thoughts have you expecting something sort of gross and overrated. But it’s not like any of that. All you can focus on is just how gentle everything is.
Dirk’s always been an oddball, quiet but expressive, withdrawn but energetic, and his kissing is just as odd. After initially crashing his mouth against yours with some force, he suddenly slows down, movements becoming cautious and gentle, a hand drifting up to cup your face gently, his thumb stroking along the top of your cheek. And he’s so slow that after a second you realise something. He’s scared.
A second after you realise that, he pulls back, enough that the two of you can make eye contact. His chest heaves just a little as you stare silently up at him. His hair’s messed up, strands of it sticking in all the wrong directions, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him looking quite so rattled. For a man with a usually blank expression, he suddenly appears to be expressing every emotion ever on his face.
“I like you,” you say into the weird silence that’s settled between the two of you, “Like as more than a friend. Like every time I’m near you I feel like I’m about to scream or kiss you or maybe both.”
You see the way his shoulders slump in relief as he lets out a long, slow breath. “Took you long enough to realise,” is the first thing he says, and you can’t help it, you smack him on the arm. “Sorry, I’ll be serious,” he grunts, “I, uh, like you too… a whole fucking lot.” He lets out a shuddering breath and you can tell he’s finding it hard to say all of this outloud. One thing Dirk has never been is good at speaking about his feelings.
“Come here,” you say, holding out your arms, and you’re surprised by how quickly he falls against your chest, resting his chin on your shoulder somehow despite the fact he’s several inches taller than you. The feeling of having him so close to you is familiar, but so unfamiliar in its own way. It’s never quite been like this before.
“Hey,” he mutters after a few moments, and you loosen your grip on me so he can look back up at you. “Can I kiss you again?”
You grin, and nod quickly, knowing you look desperate but not caring at all in the moment. He smiles back at you, and then leans in again. He’s not so slow this time, pressing in with a bit more force and grabbing at you just a little. And you’re still so lost in the fact that you’re actually kissing Dirk Strider that it takes you a second to even realise you should probably kiss him back. When you do, you tilt your head to the side slightly to slide your lips against his more comfortably, and you practically melt when he gasps into your mouth.
Your windy powers kick in suddenly and with no warning, like they often do when you’re happy, and you feel a slight breeze stir your hair as your feet leave the floor, tugging you away from him. You get your hands onto his shoulders before you can drift too far though, and he winds a hand into the long trailing hood of your godtier outfit, using it to tug you back down towards him. As you drift back towards him you giggle slightly, earning you an amused shake of his head, and so you float further up, forcing him to push upwards off of the ground too to join you in the air until you’re both floating just a foot or two in the air, hands on each other and laughing in between breathless kisses.
“You are such an idiot,” he tells you with a laugh, before pecking a few more kisses to the corner of your mouth. You wind a hand into his hair, feeling the weird crunch of his hair gel between his fingers, and then bump your forehead against his.
“But I’m your idiot,” you mumble after a few moments, and his hands tighten on you gently.
“Yeah, you are,” he agrees.
You’re leaning in to kiss him yet again when a voice stops you both.
“Dirk? John?”
It’s Jade.
You both glance at each other and you laugh awkwardly as he reaches down and takes hold of your hands.
“Wanna get out of here?” He asks, and it’s almost embarrassing how quickly you nod. And, as Jade calls out again, the two of you fly up and out of the trees hand-in-hand.
“What the fuck?” You hear Jade call from below, and you’re pretty sure you can hear Dave and Rose laughing too. But it’s hard to care about any of that when Dirk’s flying along by your side and you’re pretty sure when you land you’re going to use your breath powers to kiss him for as long as you possibly can to make up for all that lost time.
*******
You did it. You kissed him. You kissed John Egbert and he didn't shove you away. You're pretty sure you'e never been happier in your whole life.