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Patton is no stranger to falling. He’s been doing it for longer than he’s been able to walk. As such, he considers himself to be an expert in all things fall-related. He just forgot that there was more than one definition for the word, “falling,” and how it relates to three significant figures in his life.
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Or: Five times Patton has fallen in front of someone, and three times he’s fallen for someone.Series
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“No,” Virgil said voice firm, “No buts. I told you it was okay, and I’m serious. You’re making this into a bigger deal than it is and it needs to be, and it’s not helping, okay?”
“But-” Patton protested a bit more, “It’s not really okay, I mean you were abused and-”
“I appreciate you trying to help,” Virgil cut through, “But there’s times when I need support and times when I don’t. And this is not one of those times. Instead you’re offering me guilt and pity. And I don’t need that. Okay?”
Patton sort of cocked his head. Because yes, he could hear what Virgil was saying, but-
“I don’t really get it,” Patton mumbled, “Like- I’m trying to help?”
And he really was. Patton didn’t have any ill intention what-so-ever. But even with his good intentions, it still wasn’t what Virgil needed.
“I know you’re trying to help,” Virgil confirmed, “But it’s like…” Virgil trailed off and looked up towards the sky as if it held the answers. “It’s like pronouns,” he eventually settled on.
Patton leaned in a bit.
“It’s- When someone misgenders you and catches themself, there's sort of two ways of doing it. There’s the, ‘oh, I’m sorry, he,’ and continuing on. But there’s also the whole ‘fuck I know that’s not right, I meant he. I’m trying I swear, I’m sorry I keep messing up. It’s just really hard. I know it’s he,’ and they go on and on and on. And that’s not helpful. You just need to correct it and move on. Lingering in it doesn’t help. This is the same.
“Lingering in my trauma doesn’t help. Especially when I’ve moved past it. At worse, you're just creating space for me to get stuck in it even more. And at best, even if I don’t get restuck in my trauma, you’re still providing room for pity. And guilting yourself. And pity sucks. It doesn’t do anything. And the guilt is the same. Because it now means that I have to reach out and comfort you instead. When really, we all just need to move on. Shit happens. Let it.”
And it was in this moment Patton saw Virgil for the first time.
Because yes, they had been friends for a little while now. And more recently Patton learned more and more about Virgil’s trauma. And Patton would never not be friends with Virgil because of it.
But well, Patton had a heart of gold. A heart that sometimes leaned on the side of pity. Pity that Patton was playing on right now.
But it wasn’t even really about Patton was it? This was about Virgil. Because how many times had they been in this same scenario? How many times had Patton overdone things, and instead of calling him out, Virgil had just brushed it off with “it’s okay” and “I’m fine.”
Something inside of Patton changed in that moment and his heart beat a bit louder. It wasn’t quite pride or appreciation though. It was love. Patton was falling in love. Pure, unaltered love. And he may not have felt it in a romantic sense first, but that didn’t make it any less true or any less strong.
But it was also probably not the time to express said love. After all, they had a situation to clarify.
“Okay,” Patton said instead, “Okay. I hear you Virgil. I’m sorry for overreacting. Please let me know if and when I can do better. Because you’re right, I want to support you. But I want to support you correctly and in the way you need, not in the way I might think you need.”
And it wasn’t an “I love you.”
But wasn’t it enough of a love confession as is?
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