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The BEI has been a sector of the Intergalactic Intelligence Agency for as long as Tchetmi’s been apart of it. It wasn’t originally his assigned task force, but after years of jumping from position to position, he found his home.
Or really, he found the place where he’d be trained for home.
The Bureau of Earth Investigation has been in the works for many centuries. They began development when a conquest of war by Mongolian soldiers, alongside a deadly plague, nearly wiped out the planet’s population. After witnessing what a meteor did to the dinosaur population, the IIA decided to not let it happen again.
Slowly, throughout the years of its operation, the BEI has been sending agents to Earth to regulate everything from their governments to the small microaggressions that happen day to day. The agency has done some wonderful things for the planet they’ve been assigned to keep watch of — including stopping several wars, catching mass murderers, and even getting elected into high-power positions.
One of the founding members of the BEI was even elected as President of the United States. Though, he did have to change his name from Aral to Bill Clinton, but that’s usually what agents have to do to blend into the culture of Earth.
That’s what all agents must do upon arriving at the BEI — they come up with their own unique-to-them names. The Bureau’s most recent agent to get sent to Earth has had his name picked out since he first set foot in the facility, and it’s one he’s certain no other agent has ever topped.
“Are you clear on your assignment?” The supervising task member asks through the crackling speaker in the podcar.
“Yes, sir,” the young agent replies. “I am to investigate the plans of one Liam Payne and determine whether they’re nefarious and damaging to our operations.”
“And what name are you claiming, Tchetmi ?” the supervisor questions. The sound of tapping is consistent in the background. The young agent guesses his supervisor is ogging their conversation in case anything were to be misconstrued over the course of their mission. “We must make all of your documents match.”
The young agent smiles to himself, face aglow in pride at the name he’s invented, at his clever new identity. “Hugh Mann, sir.”
There isn’t a response at first, nothing but static feeding into the podcar. He sits quietly, anticipating an approval, but all he gets is a heavy sigh. “ Tchetmi ...” His supervisor trails off before continuing. “There will be a few hours after your arrival before you need to make your way to shelter, so we will give you some more time to think about it.”
“I do not need to think,” he denies. “My name is Hugh.”
“... We will give you some time.”
The transmission cuts out, and Hugh is left sitting in silence as his podcar safely descends onto the planet Earth. They’ve mapped out their coordinates perfectly, so Hugh knows there won’t be humans around for miles, giving him time to unload his baggage and files from the podcar, shutting the door before it takes off, on its way back to headquarters.
⇄
The walk into civilization doesn’t take too long, but the sun is high in the sky, approaching late afternoon as he’s seeing the first signs of life. Earth days pass far quicker here than they do on his home planet, and the reality of it is shocking.
The first thing that he needs to do for his mission is find his temporary home, the place he’ll be staying as he investigates the intentions of Liam Payne. The only issue is that his supervising manager refuses to give up the information until Hugh comes up with a better name.
He’s debating the idea of being named Marcel Kent when he wanders into a small restaurant named In N Out. It smells exquisite, like food Hugh’s never had before. On his planet, they eat for nourishment. He’s never craved a meal so badly.
There’s a line of people, and Hugh waits. As he approaches the front, he fills himself becoming giddy.
What an ordinary, everyday human activity he’s engaging in!
When it’s Hugh’s turn, he steps up to the register and gasps. The human in front of him has the most peculiar hair. It’s white, stiff, and appears to have red and yellow writing on it. He’s never seen such a thing.
“Hi,” the human greets. He sounds bored, but Hugh can’t see why, not when he has the most incredible hair and a job that surrounds him with such delicious smelling food. “What can I get you?”
“I have traveled very far, but I must say, you have the most unique head of hair,” Hugh tells him. It’s of the utmost importance that this man knows how wonderful he is.
The human’s eyebrows draw together, confusion on his face until his eyes look up, and he laughs. “Yeah…” He reaches up, hand gripping the top of his hair and pulling it off to reveal even more brown hair underneath. “It’s a bit - ”
Hugh gasps, cutting the man off. “Did that not hurt to remove?” He thinks of pulling his own hair off his head, and it doesn’t leave him with a pleasant feeling.
“It’s a hat,” the human says, and Hugh hums, intrigued. “I will take one of those.”
There’s a moment of no response, and then the human is laughing. “I don’t know if you’re fucking with me or not, but you’ve made my day a little better.”
Hugh grins. His stomach feels funny, fluttery. He puts it down to hunger and takes a look at the menu above the human. “I will have one cheeseburger?” The human nods and begins to poke at something on the screen before him.
“Would you like onion?”
At the question, Hugh squints his eyes and looks back to the menu. “I said cheeseburger.”
“Right.” The human nods. “You want one cheeseburger, I’ve got that. Do you want onion on it?”
Hugh looks at the menu and then peaks behind him to see a line full of angry people watching him. He must be taking up too much time. He leans to the human and whispers, “Do I?”
“I’m going to say you don’t,” the human tells him, giggles tumbling from his mouth. It’s as if they’re bubbles, Hugh thinks, as they make him feel like he’s floating. “If you decide later, just let me know and I’ll slip you a slices.” The human blinks then but only with one eye. Hugh doesn’t know what he does, but it makes his skin tingle a bit. “Are you paying cash or card?”
Hugh jumps into motion, feeling his pockets. He pulls out a slim plastic card and hands it to the human. Apparently the card is to hold Earth currency and allow him to purchase everything he’ll need over the course of the mission.
Hugh gets the card back a moment later, along with a long sheet over very thin paper. The whole experience is so extraordinary. He isn’t sure why they don’t have such fun places on his planet.
“Your order number is 115,” the human explains, pointing at a bolded ‘ 115 ’ written on the thing paper. “When they call it, your order is ready.”
Hugh nods eagerly. “Thank you so much for all of your help.”
“Trust me,” the human laughs. “It was my pleasure.”
Hugh walks away, but not without feeling his heartbeat quicken at the human’s smile. He makes his way to where the customers are waiting for their food. Hugh’s very happy to see how different all of the humans are. He’d been told by the other agents that they all looked the same, but thinking of the man who helped him at the counter, Hugh can’t help but think there’s something special that makes all humans different.
As he waits, Hugh feels himself mimicking the posture of those around him. Juggling between crossing his arms, popping his hip, and standing like a human slug — hunched and uncomfortable , if he’s honest.
At one point, a number that isn’t his is called, and he watches a human woman approach the counter with a bounce in her step, hips swaying everytime she moves. Hugh’s intrigued, and thinks he’d like to be like her if he were human.
So three minutes later when meal 115 is called, Hugh copies her steps, swaying his hips and landing with a bounce. He’d like to think he looks okay, but the odd glances he’s getting tell him the he doesn’t.
And then he trips.
When he has his food in hand, Hugh follows the path the other humans took, and it leads him to a tall counter with little white cups and red and yellow containers with pumps. For a moment, Hugh watches a man pump out what looks like blood into a cup and is appalled. He decides to take from the yellow container instead.
Hugh takes a seat at an empty table and is set to begin eating his fantastic smelling cheeseburger when a hand lands on his shoulder. “Bro, that’s a wicked hairstyle.” Hugh’s eyes follow the hand up to a human man with red eyes and a multicolored, heavy threaded poncho. He smells pungent, but in a way Hugh really doesn’t mind. “What’s your name?”
“Hair style?”
The human man laughs, the sound coming out loud and harsh. “Bro, what a coincidence,” he all but yells. “You said Harry Styles? That’s so perfect.”
He walks away without a response, but the young agent doesn’t mind, too busy gasping. He excitedly takes out his Intergalactic Communication Device — or ICD — which is similar to a human cellular device. He writes a quick message to his supervising manager that he’d like to claim Harry Styles as his name.
His manager replies positively and also send off an address to a place next to Liam Payne’s.
⇄
After his lunch, Harry wanders around the city, trying to find his temporary home. He doesn’t know where to begin, though, as the city is far too large. He glances at every street name hoping to find the one he’s been assigned to, but in the end he just walks in circles.
There’s something peculiar about the area he’s been consistently passing. There are tables set up alongside the street, each one with what looks like items for sale. It’s something he’s never seen on his planet, but he finds himself liking it. Already he’s bought a tiny keychain with an Earth creature known as a frog on it as well as a bracelet with beads that spell ‘Harry.’
Earth is incredible.
There’s something even better that captures his attention though. On a table sits a pair of glasses — only, the lenses are darkened. The frames are a thick, oval shape, and they’re a bright white. Harry purchases them before he even knows what he’s doing. He walks over to a dark window, using it as a mirror, and slides them onto his face.
“You look a bit like an alien.”
Harry’s head turns quickly turns towards where he heard the voice come from, and he’s surprised to see the human man from In N Out looking at him with a smile. He laughs at Harry’s shock, and as much as Harry loves the sound, the warmth from it, he feels himself panicking. No other agent has ever been discovered this fast.
He knew he was suspicious in that restaurant, and he never should have spoken.
“I am a human man!” he’s quick to yell.
The human’s eyes widen, and he starts laughing harder. “It wasn’t an insult, man. It’s because of the glasses. I like them on you.”
Harry takes the sunglasses off and looks at them, quirking his eyebrow as he thinks of how they could make him look so obvious. It doesn’t matter, he tells himself.
“If they make me look like an alien then I should not have them,” he says. He makes to put them on a nearby table, but the human grabs them.
“The whole, out of this world, spaced out look is quite big right now.” He slides the glasses up Harry’s face with a smile that feels so personal. “And I happen to think you look cute in them, alright?” The man is smirking, and Harry feels himself grin very wide. He looks very average on his planet. He’s never been called cute before.
His face suddenly feels warm.
“Why is my face warm?”
The human chuckles, taking a step back. “You’re blushing.” Blushing is a thing humans do when they’re embarrassed, but Harry isn’t embarrassed. “Are you free right now? I was going to grab some dinner, and I’ll love to have a companion.”
Harry considers his mission, everything he’s on this planet for, and decides he can save investigating Liam Payne another day. He doesn’t want to leave this wonderful human behind, not when he makes Harry feel so warm.
“I think I would enjoy that,” he says, enjoying the way the human smiles at his answer. “I do have to find my home first.”
“Find your home?” The human questions, a crinkle in his brow. “You don’t know where it is?”
“My mother’s daughter is letting me stay in her home. I must find it and set my stuff down.”
The human looks confused. For a moment, Harry fears he’s explained himself wrong. “You - you mean your sister?”
Harry thinks, trying to remember what a sister is, before nodding. “Yes, I am sure that is what I mean.”
“You’re a weird one, aren’t you?” The human is smiling, so Harry doesn’t think it to be an insult. “Do you want some help?”
It’s peculiar that this human wants to spend so much time with him, but Harry doesn’t want to see him go for some reason. So he nods, holding out his ICD and showing the address his supervising task manager sent him. Upon first glance, the human begins to laugh.
“What is it?”
“That’s in my building,” he tells Harry, finger pointed at the screen.
“You own the building?” Harry gasps.
The human only laughs harder. “No, but I live there. A few doors down from you, it seems.” Harry’s supposed to be staying near Liam Payne to keep an eye on him, but this human feels like a bonus, a treat for doing well. “C’mon, let’s head over there. Then I’d love to take you out for dinner.”
“I would like that too, kind stranger.”
The human grins. “My name is Louis.”
“That’s such a nice name,” Harry sighs. It rolls off the tongue so nicely. It’s a name miles above Hugh Mann, and Harry wants this Louis to know that he means it, but Lous rolls his eyes. “Mine is Harry Styles.”
Louis bites his lip, and it looks like he’s going to laugh, but he shakes his head instead. “Of course it is.”
⇄
After Harry acquaints himself with his temporary home, placing his files and luggage on his kitchen counter, he goes out to dinner with his new human friend Louis.
They talk and get to know each other. Harry learns far more about Earth culture and etiquette from the one meal than he has after years of training in the BEI. It doesn’t feel like an educational dinner, though, and by the end of it, he finds himself not wishing to leave.
It’s a very nice encounter, and Harry doesn’t know why, but his stomach feels tight, like there are coils, and his cheeks are sore with all his smiling.
It’s very peculiar, but Harry definitely doesn’t hate it.
⇄
Harry’s been in the building for two days, and he’s not managed to meet Liam Payne yet. It’s getting to be a bit irritating. If Harry doesn’t meet him, he’ll never be able to stop him before a war breaks out —
Were a war to break out, of course. It’s wrong for Harry to assume Liam Payne is evil just because he’s not come out of his home in two days.
But it’s been two days. Everytime a door creaks, Harry runs out in the hall, and he’s certain he must look a bit ridiculous to the humans that he happens across, but he needs to meet Liam Payne, and nothing has happened. If Harry fails his mission, he’ll be taken off the force, for sure. His only purpose here is to investigate the equipment Liam Payne has bought, and without having access, it’s making his twice daily check-ins entirely frustrating.
So Harry decides to throw himself into action.
He waits outside of Liam Payne’s home, ear to the door, knees on the floor. Waiting for something to happen. All he ever hears is music though, and it’s a bit odd to the ear, but it’s at least telling in that somebody is inside. He’s not leaving, but that’s alright because if Harry stays here, planted outside his door, they have to cross at some point.
Just as Harry’s debating whether or not he should begin sleeping outside of his door, a voice behind him. “Can I ask what you’re doing?” Harry jumps. He turns and sees Louis standing by, casually leaning against the wall behind him.
“I’m…” He can’t give away his mission. If he does, and Louis somehow were in on Liam Payne’s evil — supposedly evil — plans, everything would be ruined and an intergalactic war could easily be on its way. “The music.”
“Liam does play his mixes awfully loud, doesn’t he?” Louis asks, a small grin on his face. Harry can only nod. “Well, come on. Let me take you for something to eat. Maybe get you off your knees.”
Harry frowns as Louis sticks his hand out towards Harry. “I cannot leave.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I need to meet him.” It’s imperative to his mission.
“Liam?” Louis’ forehead crinkles and his lips purse. Harry nods. “Trust me when I tell you he’s nothing special. He’ll just play you a remix of a song you already know and won’t let you leave until he’s stuffed you full of artichoke dip. Disturbing, really.”
“But — ”
Louis tsks , shaking his head and effectively cutting Harry off. “No buts, Harry. I’ve been craving curry all day.”
“Curry?”
“Yes, curry,” Louis laughs. Harry quite likes the melodious sound. It’s much more pleasing to the ear than the music coming from the other side of the door. “Have you never had it?” Harry shakes his head. “You’ve been missing out. Come, I know the best sit down on this side of the greater Pasadena area.”
Louis extends his hand out again, and Harry grabs it this time, allowing himself to pulled up from the floor and out of the building. Louis doesn’t let go of his hand on their entire walk, and Harry’s heart doesn’t stop thundering in his chest.
⇄
When Harry finally meets Liam Payne, it’s because of his plot to sit outside and wait for Liam. What had seemed a bit insane to begin with ends up working in his favor.
He’s been sitting there for about two hours when a pair of legs appear next to him. He looks over, and there’s a man with brown hair knocking on the door, not even giving Harry a spare glance. For a moment, Harry begins to wonder if he’s invisible, but then the door opens and Harry looks up.
This is Liam Payne. Harry would recognize his facial hair and wide, kind eyes anywhere. He looks so unsuspecting, but it could all be a rouse for his secret, galaxy-destroying plans.
“Niall, hey,” Liam Payne greets. “Do you have - ” He cuts himself looking down to where Harry’s still resting on his knees. “Uh, hello.”
The man next to Harry, this Niall , starts chuckling. “Looks like you’ve got a stalker, Li.”
Back when Louis caught Harry here the other day, he referred to the man as Liam, and this Niall calls him Li. Harry’s beginning to suspect he doesn’t go by his full name. To fit in he’d be smart to do the same.
“Can I help you?” Liam asks.
“Hello, Liam,” Harry greets. He’s smiling in a way he hopes comes off as friendly, but Liam isn’t receiving it as Harry was expecting. “I am your new neighbor. My name is Harry Styles, and I am from Roswell, New Mexico.” Niall laughs next to him, and to Harry it’s perhaps the loudest laugh he’s ever heard.
“That’s great, man” Liam says. There’s a smile on his face, but his hold a bit of worry. Harry doesn’t think he’s very happy. “Can I ask why you’re sitting outside of my door?”
“Oh, Liam, I think he’s kneeling ,” Niall says. He’s still laughing, but Harry fails to see what’s so funny. “Did you order two strips today?”
Liam shoves Niall. “Shut up and give me my stuff.” Niall laughs and hands the box to Liam.
“Strips?”
Harry has a full list of all the equipment Liam’s ordered, but strips are not a part of it. Harry thinks he’s perhaps buying these on the black market. Maybe this Niall is an underground arms dealer, and he’s using his position to help Liam conquer the galaxy. This may be a bigger operation than the BEI was expecting.
Harry’s eyeing the box, trying to picture what could be inside and how detrimental to peace its purpose is.
“Like strip cables,” Liam says. “For my mixer — Hey, why are you here?” He’s looking at Harry strangely.
“I’m your new neighbor. I wanted to introduce myself.”
“Yeah, Liam,” Niall repeats. His shoe knocks against Harry’s sock-clad foot gently. “He wanted to introduce himself.”
“It’s, uh, nice to meet you,” Liam grins. It’s a bit forced, but Harry’s keen to think they’ve made some progress today. “Perhaps we can meet properly some other time, but this is all too strange, and I have to get back to my system.”
Harry mouths ‘system’ after Liam says it. That must be what he’s calling his device.
“Alright man, I’ll see you Friday then?” Niall asks. He put a fist out, and Harry holds his breath, waiting for him to punch him friend, but then Liam extends his own fist out and bumps them together. Harry watches aptly, wanting to try that as well.
Niall walks away, but not before looking at Harry and chuckling. Harry still fails to see what’s funny, but he has other things to worry about. Things like Liam. Liam, who gives Harry another glance.
In an attempt to be friendly, Harry grins widely, doing his best to show all of his teeth. Liam smiles back, but it holds the least amount of sincerity Harry’s ever seen. The door is shut between them before he can question it.
All in all, nothing seems off yet, but it will require further investigation.
⇄
After the first run in with Liam, too many days pass without contact, and Harry’s supervising task manager is getting restless. It’s hard to appease the man when he has no new information to share about the topic at hand.
Harry needs to meet Liam again, only he can’t sit outside of his door any longer.
In a desperate act to make contact, Harry’s taken to casually walking out of his flat with a fake look of surprise on his face. It’s been an hour, yet Harry refuses to quit, finding a sort of fun in the gasp and smile he delivers every time every time the door opens. He’s hoping that Liam will appear at some point, but thus far, he’s been unsuccessful.
It’s been a long, disappointing process, but soon things look up. He opens his door at one point, and there’s someone standing on the other side. Harry gasps and smiles as he’s been doing, only to see it’s Louis standing there. He has a knowing smirk on his face, and Harry feels his heart jump seeing him. His fake surprise turns real, and then a grin takes over.
“Louis,” he breathes. This is a far better treat than Liam.
“What’re you doing, Harry?” Louis asks instead immediately, sounding a bit exasperated.
“You’ve caught me as I’m just leaving, how peculiar.” The look Louis gives him is flat, and somehow it makes Harry thinks he doesn’t believe any of it. “What are you doing, Louis?”
“I’ve been standing down the hall for five minutes watching you go in and out of your flat.”
He points down the hall, and Harry feels heat climb to the surface of his skin, mostly reddening his cheeks, he’s sure. “You were watching me?” Louis nods. He’s smiling, and it makes something twist in Harry’s stomach. “I am embarrassed.” For once, his blushing makes sense.
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Louis says. “Why are you — ” He gestures around at Harry and the door he still has a grip on. “Doing this?”
“I want to meet Liam again.”
Louis’ face pinches, and Harry thinks that maybe wasn’t what Louis wanted to hear. “Right. Forgot about your obsession with him.” Harry keeps looking at Louis, hoping he didn’t upset him, but then Louis shakes his head and smiles again. “I’m about to go watch a movie. Do you want to stop being weird and come watch it with me?”
As light as Harry feels that Louis no longer looks sour, his face twists at the offer. “I do not like film. They’re very predictable and uninteresting.”
“You don’t like… film?” Louis asks. “Do you mean films in general or is there a specific movie?”
“All film. I think it’s unnecessary.”
“Have you ever seen Grease ?” Louis sounds upset, and Harry thinks that this Grease may be something of importance to him. “Right, okay. Come with me. You’ve some learning to do.”
It’s been a long hour of walking in and out of his home, so Harry allows Louis to drag Harry across the hall. He doesn’t think he could say no anyway — the idea of turning Louis down makes him dizzy.
So Louis makes Harry watch Grease, leaving no room for argument, and after, Harry makes Louis watch it two more times, trying his best to sing along. And failing.
He can’t find it in himself to be upset when Louis smiles at him in such a bright and lovely way.
⇄
Despite spending time with Louis — and enjoying every moment of it — Harry is on Earth for a reason. A very important mission that the entire galaxy is depending on him for.
Liam Payne.
The one time Harry’s crossed paths with him didn’t go very well, and it’s only proving to make his mission more difficult. If he can’t properly investigate Liam’s actions, then an intergalactic war could break out, and Harry would be the one to blame — hated across all planets and banished from his own home and forced to live in the shadows, hiding from his mistakes.
When Harry finally does get a normal conversation with Liam, it’s not of his own accord.
It’s Liam that comes to him .
It’s far too early in the morning, and Harry feels less than his best. He’s tired, groggy, and not even wearing a shirt. When Harry opens the door, his hand is planted in his eye, rubbing the sleep out of it, and he’s ready to turn away whoever is on the other side of it. Only, Liam’s smiling so big that Harry would feel bad to shut the door on him.
“Morning!”
At Liam’s eager tone, Harry can only mumble a quiet, “Hello.”
Liam doesn’t seem to mind — or notice, really — and only continues talking. “Harry Styles from Roswell, New Mexico. How are you?” Harry doesn’t answer with words, merely groaning. “Did you know Roswell is where Area 51 is?”
“What is Area 51?” Harry sighs, scratching his head. He’s too tired.
Liam looks shocked, his mouth dropping open before he’s rushing to explain. “That’s where, like, aliens and shit are.”
Harry’s eyes widen instantly, and all thoughts of sleep completely disappear from his mind. He’s nearly been exposed too many times, he can’t let his own files give him away quicker than his mouth can.
“I am a human man,” Harry insists.
Liam laughs, eyes crinkling. He doesn’t look to be plotting against Harry, so Harry lets out a sigh of relief. He’s safe this time.
“It appears you are, yes,” Liam agrees. He shakes his head, but his smile maintains. “Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for the other day. I was in the middle of this sick mix, and I needed to focus. I just finished, and I actually wanted to see if you’d like to come listen.”
Harry’s eyes widen again, only this time in excitement. It’s an invitation right into Liam Payne’s home. Harry can investigate. “I would absolutely love that!”
“Perfect.” Liam grins. It’s pleasant to look at, but it doesn’t make his hair stand up like Louis’ does. “I’ll make some artichoke dip, and it could be a little party.”
As Harry’s nodding, a hand slams on Liam’s shoulder, and suddenly Louis’ smiling face pops out beside him. “Good morning, Liam. Harry.” He nods at them both and then cocks his head. “Are you aware you have four nipples, Harry?”
Harry looks down at his chest, suddenly worried. He doesn’t know how many nipples humans have, but four must not be a usual amount. “Should I have six?”
“Not unless you’ve a litter of kittens to feed.” Louis laughs, but Harry quirks his eyebrow, confused, not understanding Louis’ humor. “Uh, nevermind.” Louis shakes his head once. “I just came to ask if you’d like to help me with a project today.”
Harry’s face twitches, and a smile takes at the prospect of spending time with Louis, but then he looks over and remembers he’s on Earth for a mission. No matter how much Harry wishes to help Louis with whatever he’s doing, he has other priorities.
“Liam is going to play me his music.”
Louis turns to Liam, not as friendly as he did before. “You making artichoke dip too?” At Louis’ question, Liam nods, smiling. “Classic.”
“I am very sorry, Louis,” Harry apologizes. The thought of upsetting Louis doesn’t feel right.
“No, no, it’s alright.” Louis shakes his head once. “Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the children .”
“Children?” He asks. He’s never heard the word before. Louis waves his hand, and a woman Harry hadn’t noticed before comes walking over, a small person holding each of her hands. Harry gasps at the sight. “Tiny humans!” Louis laughs, and Harry wants to live in the sound forever. “They are so small.”
“My sister Lottie,” Louis’ hand falls on the woman’s shoulder, “has them for the weekend, but I get them today.”
“They are yours for the day?” Harry asks, taking his eyes off of the tiny humans to look at Louis.
Louis nods. “They are. I was wondering if you’d want to help me watch them.”
“I — ” Harry would love to say yes, to spend time with Louis and his small friends for the day, but he knows he cannot. Liam is standing by, stiff, watching the exchange. “I am very sorry, Louis. I’m going to listen to Liam’s music and enjoy some artichoke dip.”
Louis’ smile falls, and Harry feels sick suddenly. He’s not sure what it’s from, but he doesn’t like it at all.
“Hey, Harry,” Liam speaks up, a wrinkle between his brows as he frowns. “I have other projects I could work on. If you want, you can come over tomorrow.”
“But I said — ”
“Perfect.” Louis claps his hands together once, smiling brightly as he accepts the offer. “I’ll even join you both tomorrow.”
“I’ll make more dip.”
Louis laughs suddenly, no longer looking upset in the way the twisted Harry’s stomach. “Spectacular.”
The plans are made, and while Harry knows he’ll be able to investigate Liam tomorrow, he feels ashamed for letting his desire to be around Louis affect his mission.
Though later, when he’s dressed and more awake, he can’t find himself regretting the decision as he watches Louis hold a laughing tiny human in his arms, tickling her until she’s red in the face, breathless.
Harry feels a bit breathless around Louis, too.
⇄
On Harry’s ICD, he’s loaded up all the information he needs to be investigating. Today’s the day he’s going to listen to music at Liam Payne’s house and find out once and for all whether or not he’s a threat to peace in the galaxy.
When Harry arrives next door, Liam opening the door with a welcoming grin. He holds it open for Harry to walk inside, and the first thing he sees is Louis, lying on the couch.
“Harry!”
Louis has a white bowl filled with something green in his hands. Harry’s about to ask what it is when Liam’s shoving a bowl of the same thing in his own hands.
“It’s a little spicy,” Liam warns him. “I added some peppers in it.” Harry looks down at the bowl and suddenly remembers how Louis said Liam always entertained his guests.
“Is this artichoke dip?”
Louis laughs, but in doing so chokes a bit on his food. “It sure is,” he says when he’s finished coughing.
Harry can’t help but smile at him. Louis’ in a pair of soft looking grey pants, similar to Harry's pyjamas, but he’s wearing them in daylight, so they must be special. Harry yearns to be next to him.
Louis must feel the same as he eagerly pats the seat next to him, and Harry walks over to him. He’s about to take a seat when he sees a ton of technology set up, just to the right of the sofa and jumps when he sees it.
He doesn’t even need his ICD to know that this is everything on it.
“W-what is all this?” Harry asks. He has one foot stepped out and ready to run in the case that Liam declares war this moment.
Liam grins and steps behind all of the technology. “This is my system.”
He presses a button, and color starts to dance along the outline. Harry stumbles back, and Louis’ hand on his lower back is the only thing stopping him from falling. “Easy there.”
“Don’t be scared.” Liam looks less excited than he did before, and the crinkle between his brows tell Harry he’s worried. “I promise I won’t turn it up too loud.”
“Too loud?”
Liam’s head tilts in confusion, but Harry’s the one that’s the most lost. Louis leans forward, setting his bowl on the table, and then stands. “Harry’s a bit sheltered, Liam,” he rushes to explain. “He’s probably never seen a turntable, let alone this monstrosity.”
“ Monstrocity ?” Liam’s mouth drops slightly open, and his brows tilt inwards. “I paid a lot of money for this.”
“Whatever.” Louis turns back, his hand reaching out and grabbing Harry’s. “The system is what Liam plays his music on.”
“Music?” Harry’s eyebrows furrow, and Louis nods. If this is all Liam is doing, then he isn’t a threat at all. “You mean this won’t take over the galaxy?”
Liam chuckles. “Take over the galaxy? “ He shakes his head, and Louis pulls him down so they’re both sitting on the couch. “No, man. The only thing that I’m taking over is the Pasadena nightlife with these sick beats.”
He presses a button, and Louis’ hysterical laughing is drowned out by some music playing. The electric beat Harry’d been hearing through the door begins playing, and it all falls into place. Liam Payne is not a threat. He’s just an amateur musician, a DJ, he believes they’re called. He no longer has to worry about an impending war between the planets.
So they listen, and it’s okay. The music doesn’t make Harry’s head feel light like Louis’ voice does, but he also doesn’t hate it. Earth music is much better than Earth films.
Louis knows words to a lot of the songs, and Harry’s unsure how, unless Liam has played them for him before. It doesn’t bother Harry, though, not when Louis’ next to him, singing lightly along as they enjoy their artichoke dip.
They listen until there’s a familiar song to Harry. For a moment he can’t placed where’s heard it before, but then it hits him. Grease .
It’s from Grease , and when Harry realizes it, he gasps and gets excited, signing along. Louis soon joins him, and together they dance around Liam’s living room, yelling the words to it and lets himself get lost in the movements, entirely forgetting why he’d come over in the first place.
Everyday reveals something new and exciting to him.
⇄
It’s not until the next morning that Harry realizes what he’s just discovered.
Liam Payne is not a threat to the galaxy. No, there won’t be an intergalactic war, but it’s still a terrible, horrid outcome. Now that Harry’s purpose here is deemed useless, he will have to go home. His mission is complete.
The right thing the do would be to relay the news to his supervising manager, to give an all clear code on Liam, and end the investigation. But when Harry picks up his ICD to do that, he can’t help but think about everything he’s done since arriving, the people he’s met and exactly what he’s giving up. He still doesn’t understand how Louis makes him feel, and he’s never going to figure it out.
The idea of going home makes Harry's throat tighten, and then his eyes start leaking. It happens slowly, but then he can’t stop the fluid. At first he wants to panic, but then he remembers it’s how humans show signs of stress, anger, joy, and despair.
This must be despair.
Without giving it another thought, Harry sends a message to home base.
Liam Payne shows to likely be a threat. I will further investigate and report back if danger is imminent.
He shuts phone, and while his stomach tightens at the lie, he feels nothing but relief.
⇄
One thing Harry doesn’t miss from his home planet is the food. There, they eat for nourishment, but here, it appears, humans like to experiment with flavor and make dishes that Harry’s people could only dream of.
Currently Harry’s enjoy something called lasagna , and it’s just about the best thing he’s ever had in his life. Louis’ sitting next to him, but he doesn’t seem to realize that one of Earth’s finest creations is on his plate, and Harry’s struck at how he can eat it so casually.
“How do you create such flavor?” he asks eventually, needing to know how he’s managed to go his entire life without something so special.
“I just follow the instructions on the box.”
“The box?” At Harry’s wonder, Louis reaches down beside the counter they’re sitting at and pulls a cardboard box out of the trash. Harry smiles when he realizes it was bought in a store. “You mean I could make something this delightful?”
Louis suddenly begins to laugh, an infectious sound that echoes in the small kitchen and leaves Harry’s ears ringing in a pleasant way. Harry smiles along even though he knows the laughing is at his expense. There’s something about being around Louis that makes Harry okay with being the tail end of a joke.
As Louis’ laugh fades out, his eyes settle on Harry, soft and very blue. Harry thinks they’re a lot like ocean, not only in their color, but in the calm they hold as well. Just one look and Harry feels completely at peace.
“You’re lovely.”
Harry can feel himself blushing at Louis’ compliment, but it doesn’t make any sense to him. “I am not embarrassed.”
Louis grins. “Neither am I.”
He leans in and places his lips upon Harry’s. For a moment, Harry feels a jolt of electricity at the contact, but then he realizes what’s happening, and he gasps, pulling away quickly and placing his hand over his mouth.
“What have you done?”
Louis’ eyebrows furrow, and his eyes reflect hurt at Harry’s scandalized tone. “I kissed you.”
“The human mouth is filled with all sorts of bacteria,” Harry says. He feels like he’s lecturing Louis, which he doesn’t want to do, but touching mouths is dangerous, and Louis needs to understand that.
“I brushed my teeth.” The frown doesn’t leave Louis’ face, and Harry suddenly has a lump in his throat. “I promise my mouth is clean.”
“But bacteria stays,” Harry explains. It’s beginning to feel pointless, like there’s no reason for him to be protesting when he enjoyed the feeling of Louis’ lips so much. “You can never trust that it’s completely clean.”
Louis watches him, eyes squinted, and Harry feels under a microscope, like it’s he that being investigated. “Are you a germaphobe or something?” Louis asks eventually. “Because you didn’t wash your hands after using the bathroom the other day, and that’s much worse than a kiss.”
“I — ” Harry didn’t know anyone was watching him. “Why would you kiss me?”
At the question, Louis’ head tilts, and his eyes pinch together. “Because I like you.”
“I also like you, but — ”
“But you also like Liam?” Louis asks. He sounds bored almost, and Harry finds himself confused over Louis’ random bouts of dislike for their neighbor.
“Liam is wonderful.”
There’s only a moment of quiet, but it stretches on for an eternity. Harry thinks on occasion that time on Earth moves too quickly, but watching Louis react to Harry’s friendship with Liam is the longest second Harry’s ever sat through, the tension between them ice cold and pulled taught.
Louis nods once and then breaks the silence. “Right.”
“I feel like I’ve upset you.” Harry can’t help but frown. It feels unnatural for his face, and a lump forms in his throat. “I’m very sorry.”
“It’s — it’s not your fault. I just…”
“I said I liked you too,” Harry says. “Is that not what you wanted to hear?”
There’s a pressure on Harry’s chest that he’s never felt before. It’s an all-consuming pain that the thought of Louis being upset with him ignites. He sincerely hopes he didn’t offend Louis because, without him, he doesn’t think he’d like Earth that much. His food would have no flavor, and they’ve only made one good film.
“You like me?” Louis asks.
Harry nods, his lower lip wanting to wobble as he does. “Absolutely.”
“Will you give me a chance to woo you then?” At Louis’ question, Harry tilts his head.
“Woo?”
Louis tilts his head to the side, and then he’s explaining, “To make you like me more .”
Harry doesn’t say that it’s impossible for that to happen. The truth is, Louis is his favorite human, and Harry’s heart is so full of affection for Louis that liking him any more just can’t happen.
“I suppose so,” Harry say instead.
Louis breathes out, and it’s full of relief. His eyes shine alongside his smile, and Harry’s chest feels lighter in an instant. “Alright, Harry Styles, be ready to be swept off your feet.”
Harry frowns looking down to see his feet resting on the wooden bar of his chair. “But I am sitting.”
Louis laughs, and it feels genuine. Harry feels better already.
“You’re right, love.” He shakes his head, smiling as though he can’t help it. “My mistake.”
⇄
Over the course of the next few weeks, Louis shows Harry what ‘wooing’ is. He isn’t sure what it’s supposed to accomplish, but he definitely prefers Louis’ company over Liam’s — not that he ever preferred it the other way around, in all honesty.
Louis takes him to see his first Earth sunrise, shows him the ocean , and brings him cute pastries and other human delicacies every morning.
Everytime he sees Louis’ face, his blood runs hot, and he yearns for something . Harry’s afraid he’ll be called to return home before he can figure out what exactly it is he’s craving.
⇄
Liam invites them out to something called a ‘gig.’ Harry has no clue what the word means, but it involves very loud music, many bodies, and a feeling of pure euphoria.
When they arrived, Louis placed a cup in Harry’s hand, explaining that it was tequila, a type of alcohol. Harry’s unsure of what it is, but the effects make him feel like he’s floating. And as the music plays in the background, it’s like he’s melting into the sound — becoming one with the beat.
A few hours into the night, Harry’s ICD goes off in his pocket, and instead of ignoring it like he should, he answers it, screaming “Hello!” into the receiver.
“Tchetmi?” His supervising manager’s voice rings out. Harry can’t hear very well. “Tchetmi, what is all that noise?”
In the morning, he won’t know what came over him, but all he can think now is how funny it would be to prank his superiors at home base.
“It is a war rally run by Liam Payne,” he yells. The music behind him is climbing higher, and the humans in this small club are slowly getting louder. “This is a call to arms.”
The music keeps climbing, and Harry feels his heart rate accelerating, and during a slight lull in the music, his supervising managers says, “We’re sending a fleet.”
And then the beat drops.
Harry hangs up as Louis pulls him by the hand to join him dancing. His manager is sending a fleet, but he doesn’t care, not when he’s pressed close to Louis’ body, feeling heat in his veins like never before.
He’s never leaving Earth!
⇄
After his night out at Liam’s rave, Harry wakes up on the floor of his bedroom. He’s never had alcohol before, but Louis told him to prepare for a hangover.
Harry’s not sure what a hangover is, but his head is pounding, and his mouth is dry. He’d quite like to be dead at the intensity of the feelings. He thinks a hangover sounds much better than whatever this is.
He tries to go through his morning processes as normal, and he’s mostly successful. Alcohol is a dangerous substance, and Harry suspects it’s impaired his ability to think for a little bit. What had him feeling on top of the world the night prior is now making him feel like throwing himself in his wastebasket.
The calm suffering of his drinking aftermath doesn’t last quickly, though. Halfway through Harry’s shower, he remembers what happened last night and how he basically accused his neighbor and friend of plotting an intergalactic attack.
He may have made a dire mistake.
He exists the shower, dripping wet and full of panic, and searches for his ICD. When he finds it — sitting in the kitchen sink, of all places — he calls his supervising manager. There’s no response, so he calls the BEI office. Instead of Nyltak, their receptionist, answering like she usually does, there’s a recorded message: “ The BEI is closed today in honor of Stchezzic’s Day. Please try again tomorrow, and don’t forget to wear your Hivvit’s in pride! ”
Harry curses, wondering why the fuck his only home contact would be closed on a religious holiday.
He doesn’t even celebrate Stchezzic’s day!
⇄
When the fleet arrives, it’s in the middle of the night, and Harry’s only awake because Louis’ invited him over to look at the stars through his telescope. It’s supposed to be the first time he’s seeing space from this perspective, and he’s not been able to still all day.
It’s as he’s leaving his home that he runs square into his supervising manager, Cowell. For a moment they only stare at each other with wide, astonished eyes.
“Tchetmi!” Cowell yells. “What are you doing? You should be enroute to home base.”
Harry takes a look behind his supervisor to see only four men, which eases some of the urgency of their attack. Even so, Harry’s terrified to have to admit to his faults. But he’s even more terrified of his friend being captured and taken to intergalactic prison.
Or worse, resisting arrest and being killed in the struggle.
He needs to come clean.
“I lied,” Harry admits. His voice comes out almost hysterical, and Cowell flinches at the volume. “I was not honest with my reports.”
The fleet begin to murmur at that, all exchanging looks of confusion. Cowell’s eyes squint, glaring at Harry with an intensity the young agent is not used to. “What are you saying?”
“I did not want to leave, so I told you that Liam Payne was a danger, but he is not.” Harry gives a glance to the door a few feet down from Harry’s. “He is only a DJ.”
“You almost started an intergalactic war, Tchetmi!” Cowell’s skin has begun to turn red, but it’s not with embarrassment. He’s angry. “What were you thinking?”
At the time, it all seemed to make sense. The only thing on Harry’s mind was prolonging his time on Earth, his time with Louis . Even now, standing in front of his supervising manager — one of the most intimidating and needlessly cruel beings in the universe — all Harry cares about is getting to stay.
There’s nothing left for him on his planet.
“I don’t care that humans have bacteria in their mouth,” Harry spits suddenly. His words don’t rectify his mistake, and Cowell only seems to look more puzzled. “I still would like to put my tongue in Louis’ anyway.”
“ Tchetmi!”
“I want to sleep in the same bed and watch more of his quite terrible films, and sing along to the radio with him.” As he continues to list the thoughts in his head, Cowell sighs and rests his head in his hands. Still, Harry persists. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I couldn’t allow you to take me away from him.”
Nothing is said, and for a moment, Harry thinks it’s all going to be alright. But then Cowell lifts his head, and he only looks annoyed. “I know you may be feeling quite strongly — ”
“My heart keeps beating faster than it should, and I’m blushing all the time, but I do not feel embarrassed.” The words come pouring out of him. He’s loath to think he’ll be taken away without fighting the matter with everything he has in him. “I would say ‘quite strongly’ is an understatement.”
“What you’re experiencing is the human emotion Love , and it has been a nuisance to our operations for the past two-thousand years.”
“Love?” Harry asks, bewildered.
“ Love ?”
At the new voice, Harry’s head whips to the end of the hall where Louis’ now standing in his open doorway. Harry isn’t sure how long he’s been standing there, but none of it matters, not when such critical information has been revealed to him.
Harry turns back to his supervisor and asks, “I love him?”
“You do,” Cowell confirms. His face is void of emotion, which is to be expected from their kind, but Harry cannot keep his shock from showing. “It has happened before, and we deal with it, but we can not let your dishonesty go unpunished.”
“What do you mean deal with?” Harry questions. “Are you going to take me away?”
“Well, we cannot leave you here.” Cowell yells. His hands fly out in front of him in exasperation, and Harry must take a step back to avoid being hit. “You have no place to stay, no money, and no sense of who you are. You do not belong here.”
That’s where Cowell is wrong. Harry doesn’t belong with them . He has never felt more at home than his time here on Earth. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he has to return to his planet. He’s dispassionate about every aspect of who he was before his mission here.
Before Louis.
“I feel human emotions, I don’t identify with my name anymore, and I suddenly care a lot about other creatures.” There are only so many times he can appeal to his supervising manager before his punishment back home will become hostile. He needs to plead his case. “I do not want to go back home. I think — I think I’ve turned into a human.”
“That is physically impossible,” Cowell says, voice flat. He rolls his eyes. “You just feel more comfortable here.”
“I have found a home here,” Harry corrects. “I wish to say.”
Cowell turns to the fleet behind him, but Harry is unsure of what they have to say as they’re speaking in a tongue not native to Harry’s planet. Cowell turns back to him, eyebrows furrowed. It’s very similar to a human’s pity. “Tchetmi, you are not the first human to request this, and you will not be the last.” Harry’s stomach sinks. “The answer is no.”
“Why not ?”
“You have no home, no money, and no sense of who you are.” Cowell’s voice is less abrasive, but it still holds no room for argument. “I will not repeat myself myself again. Now grab your belongings. If we head home now, we can catch the tail end of the Stchezzic’s Day Parade that you so selfishly made us miss.”
Harry huffs. He stomps his foot, feeling a bit like a tiny human. “I am not leaving.”
“I will not — ”
Cowell is cut off by Louis. “Harry has a home.” Harry jumps and turns around. He’d forgotten Louis was still there. His heart quickens, and his stomach flutters. He knows now that it’s love. “He can stay with me,” Louis says. “As for money, he can get work easily. If not, I don’t mind supporting him for awhile.”
“You are a human. You should not be listening in.”
“You shouldn’t be having this conversation in my hallway then.” At Louis quick tongue, Harry can’t help but chuckle. Louis visibly holds back a smile, and in light of the heavy tone of the conversation, Harry feels light as a feather. “Now I’ve told you that I can take care of him. Why don’t you let him stay?”
Cowell’s lips purse. It’s not often his decisions are questioned, and he doesn’t seem to be taking it well. “Regardless of that, he has no sense of who he is. He has lived only as a citizen of his home planet for the past twenty-four years. He does not have what it takes to blend in on earth.”
“He’s been doing it for the past few weeks just fine.”
“He is not normal,” Cowell insists. “He does not blend in.”
Louis looks entirely unbothered by the argument. Harry is very thankful for him. If it were Harry alone, he’d have been on the shuttle back to home base already. Though he’s not met many humans, Harry’s certain he has one of the strong ones.
“We’ll tell people he’s from Portland.” Louis shrugs with his words, and Harry wants to laugh. He doesn’t know what Portland is, but he assumes it must be a very funny joke with Louis smirking like he is.
“Why are you so insistent on this?” Cowell asks. “You have not known him long. The usual mating rituals of your people take years before true commitment sticks in.”
For a moment, Louis does not reply to him, but when he does, his relaxed demeanor and casual tone are replaced by a sense of sincerity Harry’s only seen on a handful of occasions. “Love is crazy sometimes. I would’ve taken him in the second he thought my hat was hair.”
Many of the men behind Cowell murmur, “Hat?” and Harry giggles. They are so naive.
“I’m not letting you take him.”
At Louis’ tone of finality, Cowell’s eyes narrow, glaring at Louis, and prompting Harry to begin to back up. “Are you proposing a war?”
Harry holds his breath and waits for the fighting to begin.
“ No. ” Louis looks at him like its an outrageous suggestion. Harry won’t tell Louis, but he also had assumed it was a call to war. “But I’m also not backing down until you’ve let my boy stay.”
There’s a flood of warmth in Harry’s blood at the term of endearment. Had he known sooner that this was love, Harry likes to think he’d have acted on it, that he and Louis could’ve done more with their time than see the sunrise and look at the stars. Perhaps they could have gone on dates .
Harry wonders for a moment what a date with Louis would be like when they already go on such amazing adventures together.
Cowell sighs and turns back to the fleet. They speak in their native tongue for a bit as Harry and Louis are left watching, wondering what their fate will be.
When he finally turns around again, Cowell’s lips are tense, and his eyes hold an anger that makes Harry hold his breath in anticipation. “We will give you a trial run, for only a year, to see if it would be wise to allow you an Earth citizenship.” When the words register, Harry’s eyes are wide, and his jaw drops. He was not expecting such a promising response. “We will see you in one year.”
“Thank you so much,” Louis says. He doesn’t understand the miracle that’s just occured in front of them. “Harry, thank the man.” He nudges Harry’s shoulder, and Harry jumps, not realizing that as time lapsed, Louis made his way over.
“Thank you, sir.” His body is numb, and his words feel hollow. “I will not let you down.”
“It is too late for such a promise as you’ve already broken it.” Cowell and his fleet leave in a rush, all with cold, lifeless eyes and a hateful tone in their whispers to each other.
“That was a bit morbid, wasn’t it?” Louis asks. There’s humor in his voice, but Harry has trouble recognizing where the joke stands. He has trouble comprehending anything , really.
“We have a year.”
“We do.” Louis nods.
It strikes then that Louis is a human, one that has no such experience with Cowell or the severity of his people. Harry turns only to find Louis looking back at his with a soft grin on his face. Harry bites back the wave of fondness that floods through his veins. “Only one agent was ever granted a citizenship, and that was out of necessity. How did you do that?”
“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t look into it too much.” Louis reaches out then, grabbing Harry’s hand. “You’ve got a year, and that’s what matters.”
“We have a year,” Harry repeats.
“We do.” Louis laughs suddenly, and for the first time since hearing the impossible fantastic news, Harry smiles. “Now about this whole ‘love’ thing…”
Not knowing what else to do, Harry throws himself forward and kisses Louis. It’s what they do in the terrible films Louis has him watch, and he can finally see why. The feeling on Louis’ lips on his is wonderful. Harry feels like he could die, but it’s in the best possible way.
They pull back, and while Louis’ joy is subtle, Harry can’t help but let his smile take up half his face. “That is worth all of the bacteria.”
“You sure know how to charm a lad, don’t you,” Louis grumbles, and Harry laughs, glad he found a funny human to take as his own. “So you’re not in love with Liam.”
Harry pulls back, cringing. His arms drop from where they were wrapped around Louis’ shoulders, but Louis’ hands keep their hold on Harry’s hips.
“Liam is loud, and his kitchen smells of artichokes,” Harry says, nose crunching as he remembers his few visits. “I could not love that.”
For a moment, Louis can’t stop laughing, his entire body shaking with it. Harry watches, unable to look away.
“Well, what does my flat smell like then?” Louis asks eventually.
Harry doesn’t even need to think on it.
“ Home .”