Chapter Text
Zuko hated the cold. He couldn’t control violent shivers, his fingernails would often turn a little blue, and he absolutely hated that soggy, snow seeped feeling. In a normal cold climate he could use his inner fire to keep himself warm, but at the poles the biting wind made it hard to find his bending, like trying to move with sore muscles.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” Sokka asked with a snicker, poking at Zuko’s stomach. He was dressed in several cream colored layers, an outfit he hadn’t worn since the North Pole.
“I... I don’t have anything else! The only other things I have that are warm enough are armor or official Firelord robes, and I’m not meeting your father in full regalia.”
“First off, when you met him the first time you were both in prison outfits, so you can only go up from there. However, not only does that outfit remind everyone of when you were evil, but it’s also definitely too small. You can borrow something of mine.”
Zuko wanted to pretend that the sleeves pinching at his armpits weren’t a problem, and that the layers made it so you couldn’t even tell the tunic wasn’t long enough, but wearing one of Sokka’s big fluffy anoraks did seem much more promising against the chill. Plus, if he was lucky, it’d smell like Sokka.
They moved to Sokka’s room on the ship. It wasn’t far from Zuko’s, but it was mandatory for the rooms immediately surrounding his to be that of the Royal Guard. Zuko liked his guards. They managed to stay mostly out of his sight, despite watching him around the clock, and even though they knew just about every embarrassing thing he did, they didn’t spread it around. They did, however, find no qualms with making fun of him to his face. He liked that.
Most of the rooms on the ship were standardly decorated. A bed. Some red tapestries. Candles. Even Zuko’s was mostly the same from everyone else’s, save for a little extra closet space and a few additional chairs. Sokka, however, has insisted on redecorated. Originally he had added all the furs and blues of the Water Tribe, but after two years of being an advisor to Zuko, and therefore traveling with him quite often, Sokka had redesigned the room with trinkets from all over the world.
“Here, try this,” Sokka said, tossing a soft bundle of fabric at Zuko’s face before sitting on the end of the bed. They were roughly the same size, Zuko a little taller, and more slender, but their clothes generally fit each other fine.
Zuko turned away from him and started to change. Their relationship had taken a romantic turn about a year ago, so he was rather used to Sokka seeing him in various stages of undress, but the mundane things, like goodbye kisses, hands brushing when they reached for the same scroll, or just changing in front of Sokka like this, still managed to make Zuko blush.
“Better?” Zuko asked, turning back around once he was fully dressed. It was a bit strange to be wearing so much blue, but he was at least relieved to find that Sokka had something in a more navy shade than the usual ocean colors he wore.
“Much,” Sokka answered, taking Zuko’s hand and pulling him onto the bed next to him, “Are you nervous?”
“Very...” Zuko breathed out. The few other times Zuko had met Hakoda had been in the contexts of politics or breaking out of prison. He had never had to find topics to talk to him about, always keeping it to business, and definitely had never felt the need to prove himself worthy of being romantically involved with his son.
“Well, the good news is he doesn’t actually know you’re my boyfriend yet.”
Zuko groaned, dropping his face into his hands. “You were supposed to write to him weeks ago. Does he even know I’m coming here with you?” Zuko and Sokka’s relationship was still primarily a secret. Katara knew, which meant Aang did too, and they weren’t able to keep it from Toph or Iroh, and Zuko’s guards definitely knew, but other than that they weren’t telling anyone. Being the Firelord, Zuko couldn’t really be seen with a romantic partner unless it was going to last. Relationships were never revealed without engagement, and even then most marriages were more for political reasons than love. Zuko often laid awake at night, anxiously listing reasons why Sokka was a good match not just for himself, but for the Fire Nation.
“Yeah, of course! I just thought... well I thought it’d be better to tell him in person.”
“You’re nervous too?” Zuko asked, slinging his arm around Sokka’s shoulders. Sokka’s relationship with his father, while vastly better than Zuko’s, was not altogether foreign to Zuko. In mostly whispered conversations Sokka had told him about being left behind by the men of the Water Tribe, tasked by his father to protect their village. He was just a kid, and his only hope of feeling worth anything was protecting his people almost single handedly. And then, Sokka told him, some idiot had rammed their ship straight into the village. Protecting the village became protecting the world, and every time he failed he had that nagging feeling that his father would be ashamed of him. That was certainly something Zuko could relate too.
“Yeah... I just... I know he won’t have any problems with us. He knows you’re not evil or anything. I just, I don’t know, I want more than that.” Sokka leaned into Zuko, his forehead dipping into Zuko’s neck. Honestly Zuko would be elated to just be not-a-problem for once, but he understood Sokka’s want of support. When Uncle Iroh had caught on to their relationship Zuko was incredibly nervous that he would point out that it might not be the best match for Zuko as the Firelord, but instead Iroh had just made tea and gone on and on about how it was when he fell in love and how much he liked Sokka. After it was over Zuko couldn’t understand why he had expected anything different.
“Sokka, your father loves you very much, and even if I embarrass myself so much that he doesn’t like me, which is quite probable, he’ll always support you. He trusts your judgement and your heart.”
Sokka seemed to ease up at that, not totally convinced that that was much better, but at least content to snuggle closer to Zuko for the remainder of their time on the ship.
***
Katara greeted them at the dock, practically tackling Sokka as soon as she reached him. They had seen each other less than a month ago when Katara and Aang had stopped by the palace on their way to Ember Island for a brief vacation, but the siblings still acted like it had been an eternity since their last meeting.
“Good to see you Zuko,” Katara said with a smile. They hugged. It was a little uncomfortable. Zuko and Katara liked each other a lot. They wrote unnecessarily long letters to each other, usually just to gossip about Sokka, but they still could be rather awkward in person. “The blue looks good on you.” She was grinning. Teasing.
“Oh. Thanks.”
“He wanted to wear the outfit that he tried to capture Aang in at the North Pole, but I wouldn’t let him,” Sokka said, “Speaking of Aang, where is he?”
“There was a spirit problem a few villages over. He should be back by tomorrow,” Katara answered. Zuko frowned. Having the Avatar on his side would have made him a little bit less stressed about impressing Hakoda.
Katara and Sokka talked local gossip as they walked back to the village. Zuko’s hands were cold even through the thick gloves Sokka had given him. He wanted to just hold Sokka’s hand, but he knew he couldn’t. He was used to having to appear physically neutral towards Sokka in public, but the cold was already getting to his brain, making him want nothing more than to burrow into Sokka’s side, stealing warmth and kisses.
The village was much bigger than it had been when Zuko first attacked it. After the war Sokka had spent a year working with his dad and the Northern Water Tribe to reintroduce trade routes between the tribes. With Sokka’s help, the Southern Water Tribe was quickly becoming a hub of commerce and culture. Sokka had actually been meeting with Zuko as a member of a small party of representatives from the two tribes when he decided to become one of Zuko’s advisors.
“I’m going to stay,” Sokka had said, showing up at Zuko’s door in the middle of the night. Zuko hadn’t offered him a position—would never dream of pressuring Sokka to leave his people—but just the thought had made Zuko happy.
“Oh,” Zuko had said, tired, and not quite understanding, “For how long? Toph is supposed to visit in the next few weeks and—“
“I’m going to stay here forever,” Sokka said, then added sheepishly, “I mean, for a while at least. You... I think you need the help. You don’t seem healthy.”
It was true. That first year Zuko had been living off a few hours of nightmare ridden sleep a night. Some days he would forget to eat, substituting tea for meals. He had no idea what he was doing, but he didn’t have time to think about that or consider asking for help. He didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until Sokka pointed it out to him.
“Mmm, I smell squid,” Sokka said as they approached the large, igloo like structure that was Hakoda’s current home. Zuko was thankful that it didn’t smell like sea prunes. He enjoyed most Water Tribe food fine, no matter how bland it was, but he still couldn’t bring himself to like sea prunes.
Hakoda stood when they entered. He walked over fur rugs, smiling as he hugged Sokka in what looked to be an uncomfortably tight way. Sokka was smiling anyway.
There was another man still sitting by the fire, Zuko noticed. He had burn marks peeking out from one sleeve and under his collar. They made eye contact, and Zuko, unsure what to do just have him a polite nod.
“Firelord Zuko,” Hakoda said, finally relinquishing his grasp on his son. He held out his hand to shake, and Zuko took it. He tried not to look at Sokka, who he knew wouldn’t be happy with just a handshake.
“It’s good to see you again Chief Hakoda.”
Hakoda just nodded, not even bothering to smile. This wasn’t going well. He tried to take a breath without making his panic seem obvious, but Sokka definitely caught on, bumping their shoulders together. Zuko wanted to comfort him, as much as he needed his comfort.
“Bato! It’s good to see you!” Sokka said, perhaps trying to distract Zuko from pestering thoughts, or maybe distracting himself. Sokka took a seat next to the stranger—Bato—before patting the spot beside him for Zuko. Zuko sat, grateful to be close to a fire.
“Zuko, do you remember Bato from when you attacked us at the abbey?” Katara asked.
“Uh, no,” Zuko choked out, mortified.
“I believe I was already gone by that point,” Bato said, smiling, “Though you’ll have to tell me that story later. I have heard the prison break story already. It seemed like a lot of fun.”
“I, uh, suppose you could call it that. Sokka always tells it that way at least, but of course, he got to play the guard.”
“That’s true,” Bato said with a chuckle, “And he got to save people he cared about. You were stuck in there for the sake of strangers.”
“Yeah, well I was kind of working on, uh, saving myself.”
“A noble cause,” Bato replied.
Zuko liked Bato. Hakoda only ever seemed to look at Zuko sternly, if not with suspicion than like a dignitary. He had liked that about Hakoda in the meetings they had had together when other officials tended to see Zuko as a child, but sitting here trying to eat dinner and make Hakoda like him it only served to make him anxious. Bato, on the other hand, was all smiles and laughter. He seemed warm. When the others would get wrapped up in conversations of stories Zuko didn’t understand, Bato would lean behind Sokka’s back and explain things to Zuko. He felt like an ally.
Sokka seemed to catch up on this too. Whenever he noticed Bato and Zuko speaking, he grinned his wide dopey smile. Bato was clearly very important to their family, so maybe it would be enough to have him like Zuko, even if Hakoda didn’t.
At least, that’s what Zuko thought before Hakoda coughed, his face getting even more serious than usual.
“Sokka, Katara,” He said, slowly, carefully, “I have—we have—important news. A few months ago I asked Bato to live with me here. As my partner.”
The room was silent, save the crackling of the fire. Hakoda looked stone cold, but Bato was smiling, nervously. Sokka had that look on his face like he had zoned out, or that things weren’t clicking.
“Congratulations...” It came out of Zuko’s mouth as an accidental whisper. He knew Hakoda had not been talking to him, and that it hardly mattered what he thought. He was anxious, not liking to be in such a tense situation. He wanted to be able to reach over, squeeze Sokka’s hand, let him know that he was there no matter what he was feeling in such a situation. But he couldn’t.
Eventually, Katara just got up and left. She didn’t run or stomp. She just left, her face determined, a little angry, and Zuko thought of the trip that they had taken together when he first joined the gang.
Sokka stood too, giving Zuko a look that was sad, stressed, and maybe a little desperate as he did.
“I’m going to go talk to her...” he said, though Zuko wasn’t quite sure who he was addressing. At the door, Sokka stopped, turned around, and added “I’m happy for you,” but he didn’t sound very happy to Zuko.
Hakoda looked crushed. Bato put a hand on his shoulder, looking equally worried. Zuko didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to look like he was deserting them too. He had no reason to leave and no reason to stay. He wasn’t a part of this family, he didn’t get to have an opinion.
But he wanted to be. Oh Agni he wanted to be welcome in this family.
“Um,” he said, looking only at the fire, “My Uncle, I think you met him. He had a son named Lu Ten. He was older than me, and I always looked up to him. He was very powerful and well spoken and, um, as nice as one can be for a member of the fire nation royal family. But he died...”
Zuko could feel Bato’s eyes on him, and it encouraged him, despite being unsure if he’d ever reach a point with his story.
“Eventually my Uncle took me under his wing. He trained me in fire bending and taught me about the world and embarrassed me in front of people I cared about. I... I could tell he was beginning to become a father figure to me, even though I was still very obsessed about what Ozai thought of me... So um... One day I yelled at him. I did that a lot back then. I told him I didn’t want to be like his son, that it was dishonorable for him to try to replace Lu Ten with me. But he told me, well he told me something about the seasons changing, and I didn’t really get that part because my Uncle likes to talk in riddles, but then he said ‘Now I have two people who are sons to me. One of them is lost, but I am happy to have a heart that grew so that I can love them both.’”
Zuko took a deep breath, and the fire rose and fell with it.
“What I’m trying to say is that, they feel the loss right now, but their hearts will grow.”
“Thank you Zuko,” Hakoda said, “...Do you want some more squid?”
Zuko nodded. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but he wasn’t going to deny anything from Hakoda at this point.
“How about that story of the abbey,” Bato suggested, his smile coming out much less forced than before. Zuko blushes, but started the story anyway, beginning when he met June. It was still a little awkward, talking about using Katara’s necklace to track them down and attack, but Hakoda and Bato seemed pleased with the perhaps excessive amount of praising Zuko did for Sokka’s perfume plan and Katara’s bending.
Sokka came back midway through Zuko’s next story about seeing dragons for the first time. Sokka sat down quietly beside him, not wanting to interrupt the tale that Bato and Hakoda were clearly enjoying. They didn’t laugh through it, the way people tended to when Aang told it, but Zuko hoped that was just because of their remaining anxieties rather than his lack of skill conveying the more comedic moments of the trip.
“Zuko and I are going to go to bed,” Sokka said, once the story is finished, “Maybe Katara can tell you the story of hers and Zuko’s fight with Azula in the morning. She said she’d come to breakfast.”
Hakoda and Bato nodded, both adding an “I love you,” as Sokka and Zuko left the room. “Love you too...” Sokka mumbled back, and Zuko hoped that Hakoda had managed to hear it.
“...Won’t they be suspicious that you called me away to come sleep with you?” Zuko asked when they reached Sokka’s room.
“Well you have to sleep somewhere, and I’m going to tell dad—I’m going to tell both of them soon anyway. If that’s ok.” They hadn’t planned on Zuko having another family member to let in on their secret.
“Of course it’s ok,” Zuko said, laying down on plush blankets, scooting closer to Sokka, “...I like Bato.”
“Yeah, he’s great,” Sokka said, though it didn’t sound quite natural, “He’s always been like family to us. But still... I just...”
Sokka rolled over, burying his face into Zuko’s chest. Zuko wrapped his arms tight around him, using one hand to stroke gently at his hair. They didn’t do this very often, the cuddling and sleeping together. Their sleep schedules were vastly different because of Firelord schedules and rising with the sun and all that. They mostly only shared a bed when they could both spare a day off. Still, this seemed different than the times before. This was something Sokka needed.
“I know. You’re mother will never go away,” Zuko said, trying to sound reassuring and not like he was very unsure of what would help.
“Dad never talks about her,” Sokka finally said, “He never has. She died and then... then he just... he got tied up in the war. He didn’t have time to talk about her with us. I know, logically, that there’s a million explanations for that could be, but it doesn’t stop it from hurting. Doesn’t stop me from sometimes thinking that he didn’t care, no matter how much I know that he did.”
Zuko thought maybe Sokka was crying. He was using his stoic voice, the one that was soft yet determined, but it was wavering every few words. Zuko kissed the top of his head, pleading with his brain for he right words.
“Sokka... you look at the moon a lot. I know... I know we’ve only barely talked about this, I know I don’t know the whole story. But you look at the moon a lot.”
“Zuko—“
“I just mean, right, ok, I know I’m not your first big all encompassing love. And I don’t know this because you told me, because you only barely did. I know this because you look at the moon a lot. So... even though you don’t like to talk about it, I know of the love you had—love you have from something else. Your father must have things like looking at the moon... And even though you look at me too now, you still look at the moon. People are capable of more than one great love.”
It was quiet for some time after that. Zuko could feel Sokka’s breathing steadying into his.
“My mom had this lotion,” Sokka finally said. Zuko had almost thought he had gone to sleep, but apparently not. “It was this special seaweed lotion that she loved. And after she died we still had a bunch of it. My sister took a lot of it of course, but my dad started using it too. He still puts it on every morning. He’s the company’s best customer.”
“What a good way to keep loving her.”
Sokka seemed content with that, trying to snuggle in closer to Zuko as a yawn escaped his lips. Zuko sighed in turn, happy to fall asleep in Sokka’s warmth.