Work Text:
you working?
Jeff picked up his phone to check the text, from 'bony maronie', grinning to himself as he hit reply, Nope
wanna help me with an experiment?
From his spot on the bed, Jeff looked at the piles of sorted laundry, waiting for him to get up and commence with the weekend washing. They loomed up accusingly from the floor in a clutter of whites, darks, and denim.
He hit reply again, Absolutely. What do you need?
a human to test it on
…okay. You want to use me as a guinea pig?
won’t hurt you, promise. already okayed it with edge and antwan
Jeff looked at the laundry sitting there, judging him. Looked back at his phone. As if there was really a choice. Be there in a bit
A quick glance at the clock said if he hurried, he could make the next bus. He hopped up and pulled on the first pair of shorts and t-shirt he could find that weren't in the laundry pile. It was amazing how motivated you could feel when it wasn't chores on the line. Jeff shoved his feet into his shoes and ran out the door, just making it to the bus before it could pull away. He settled in an empty seat and pulled a pair of tangled headphones out of his pocket, listening to a podcast on gladiators in Rome for the ride.
It was his first time going to New New Home without Antwan and it was only after he'd shown his ID and gone through the gate that he'd discovered there was a shuttle available that took monsters from the guard post into the town proper. It made sense now that he thought about it; he knew Stretch didn't drive, the gate was too far for him to teleport, and there was no way in hell he was going to walk the distance from his house to the bus stop. Jeff wouldn't have been surprised to find the shuttle was Stretch's idea to begin with, imagined him petitioning the king for it as an employment benefit.
There were a few monsters on the shuttle, some of them eyeing him warily, and Jeff tried his best to look non-threatening which…well…he wasn't entirely sure he knew how to look threatening to begin with so he was probably successful. Probably.
Stretch's house was right around the corner from the shuttle drop off and as Jeff walked past the tidy lawns down the pristine concrete of the sidewalk, a group of kids in striped shirts ran past him, all of them giggling in their own way. Jeff waved at them, relieved when most of them cheerily waved back. At least the attack last week hadn't put the kids off Humans entirely.
The mail truck pulled up just as he got to the driveway, the Monster driving it eyeing Jeff wetly.
"Hey, I can take that in," Jeff offered and the Monster burbled at him, handing him a stack of envelopes. He walked up the drive, mail in hand, pausing to admire the newly bloomed rhododendron before knocking on the door.
"come in!"
"Hi, honey, I'm home," Jeff opened the door and poked his head it. Stretch was sprawled across the sofa and Edge was sitting at the desk in the corner, writing. There was something that still seemed a little surreal about seeing a skeleton paying bills, particularly one who was wearing reading glasses.
"handy andy, bout time you got here!" Stretch sat up, drawing up his legs to free up the end of the couch.
"Not everyone can teleport their way through life, Nightcrawler, some of us are doomed to walk," Jeff said. He eyed the coffee table in front of Stretch, taking in the bowls of snacks and chip dip, a plate of delicious-looking sandwiches that practically screamed of Edge's touch, and a six-pack of soda chilling in a small cooler underneath. "Okay, so, what exactly is this experiment I'm supposed to be helping with?"
"ah! it's very important to my research." Stretch straightened up, folding his hands primly as he recited, "hypothesis: humans like bad movies and good snacks." He slouched back down, grinning up at Jeff. "i really need your help proving it. my current sample size is appallingly small."
Jeff stared down at the snacks then back up at Stretch, attempting sternness as he asked, "Did you seriously drag me across town to watch a movie with you?"
The look Stretch gave him was charmingly hopeful. "yes."
Jeff couldn’t even pretend to be angry at that face and besides, anything was better than doing his laundry. He sank down on the end of the sofa, plunking down the stack of mail and snagging a handful of chips on his way. "What are we watching?"
"ohh, we have a selection," Stretch scrambled for a pile of DVD cases, reading off titles, "let's see…devil woman from mars…attack of the killer shrews…robot monster…attack of the giant leeches…attack of the killer tomatoes…lots of attack movies here…"
"Robot Monster is a classic," Jeff mumbled through a mouthful of chips.
"awesome," Stretch picked up the case, hesitating as he caught sight of the pile of letters Jeff had set on the table. "is that the mail? gimmie, i'm waiting on a letter from a guy at harvard."
"Not an email?" Jeff asked curiously. "Asking questions of the old school variety?"
"please, he's asking me," Stretch flipped through the envelopes, tossing some aside with a grimace. It looked like even Monsters got junk mail. "hey, how do you get a college graduate off your porch?"
"How?" Jeff asked, already regretting it.
"pay him for the pizza."
"That hurts," Jeff clutched his chest, slumping down into the cushions. "It's the truth, but it hurts."
"hmmm," Stretch paused on a thick, cream colored envelope. He tore it open and pulled out a card, scanning it, "huh, look at that. undyne and alphys are getting married next month. about time." Jeff vaguely recognized the name Undyne. From the sound of it, they must be old friends.
"Married, huh. Giving you ideas?" Jeff teased.
"oh, please," Stretch scoffed, tossing the invitation on the coffee table where it settle between the cheese puffs and the onion dip.
Jeff didn’t ask why not, more than willing to let that go, but Stretch went on anyway.
"it’s a bunch of bullshit," Stretch yawned, shifting to drape his leg over the back of the sofa and poking Jeff in the back of the head with a toe until he swatted it away. "we already know where we stand with each other; what do i need a piece of paper and maybe a little jewelry for? edge and i don’t need that shit, right, babe?"
"Hmm?" Edge said, absently from where he'd been steadfastly ignoring them, not looking up from his papers.
Stretch rolled his eye lights and gave Jeff a wink as he called out teasingly, "hey, babe, wanna get married?"
Immediately, Edge replied, “Yes.”
Stretch's easy grin faltered, fading away and leaving uncertainty in its wake. "wait...are you serious?"
Edge looked up and over his shoulder, peering over the rims of his glasses at them. “Are you asking me if I want to legally commit myself to you for all our days until we are parted in death?”
"uh…" Stretch scratched at the back of his skull. "i guess so?"
Edge looked back down, nodding, "Then yes. Let me know what dates are good for you and I'll start planning."
On the television, Netflix was playing a bright and cheery trailer, trying to coax them into watching a show about women's wrestling. Stretch sat in silence, visibly stunned, his eye lights shrunk to pinpricks and his hands limp in his lap. He swallowed hard, meeting Jeff's concerned look.
"did…did that just happen?" Stretch whispered, soft and hoarse.
"I think so," Jeff said quietly. He chewed his lower lip and asked, "Are you okay?" He could hear the scratch of a pen against paper, Edge seemingly unperturbed by either the impromptu proposal or Stretch's reaction to it.
Hesitantly, Jeff touched Stretch's hand. His bones felt cold and he twitched beneath the light touch. "uh. yeah. i didn’t think...um." Stretch fumbled up to his feet, knocking into the coffee table hard enough to rattle the dishes, and walked over to Edge, standing awkwardly next to him. "do you mean it?"
That finally got his attention. Edge took off his glasses, folding them and setting them at the back of the desk to frown up at Stretch. He seemed irritated but Jeff was starting to realize that it was his default expression. "Of course I meant it. Don’t I tell you that I love you? Every day?"
Stretch shuffled his feet, his socks whispering against the floor and his voice small, "yeah."
"Don’t I show it? And you believe me, don’t you?" Edge demanded.
"yeah." His voice was smaller yet.
"Then why would you think I didn’t mean it?"
"i dunno," Stretch rubbed the back of his neck. "you never asked me."
"Neither did you," Edge countered. "And you frequently expressed your distaste with weddings and marriage, I didn't think—" he stopped, his sockets going narrow.
Stretch was hunched in a little, holding his elbows, his eye lights downcast and Edge sighed. "Of course you did," He shook his head in self-disgust, "because I never asked." He pushed his chair back, catching Stretch by the arm and pulling him into his lap. “I mean it, I want to be married with you,” he said, softer. “Don’t you know how much I love you?"
Stretch nodded, staring down at his hands in his own lap.
"I’m sorry, love," Edge nuzzled at his temple. "I didn’t realize you were waiting for me to ask."
"i wasn’t," Stretch protested, his voice was still too soft, too small.
Edge hummed noncommittally, cupping Stretch's face in one hand and lifting his chin to look him in the face. "So now what?"
"i guess we're getting married," Stretch smiled suddenly, brilliantly, lighting up with something like joy. "i love you."
That little nuzzle turned into a tender kiss and, um, yeah, that was Jeff's cue to leave. He escaped to the kitchen as quietly as he could to get a glass of water and maybe a paper towel to wipe his eyes. Damn but these two were terrible for his fragile little romantic heart. It made him think things about Antwan that he had no business thinking, not yet, and--
Something grabbed him and Jeff didn't have a chance to so much as yelp as he was roughly shoved against the fridge.
Fuck, fuck…what the fuck—
Jeff couldn't move but he could see a strange blue glow rising from his chest. Hovering around him were jagged bones, redness dripping from their tips and vanishing before it could patter against the clean tiles of the floor.
"well, wellie, well, what do we have here? a human in new new home, looking for some trouble." Sitting at the table, his booted feet propped on the edge, was a skeleton in jeans and an ac/dc t-shirt. One of his sockets was glowing crimson and his sharpened teeth curved in a vicious grin.
Fear was thick in Jeff's throat, fuck, what did Stretch say Edge's brother's name was, he thought wildly, trying to remember. The shine of magic made in click in his reeling brain, “Red?” he croaked out.
That made the skeleton blink, light winking off his gold tooth, "how do you know my name?"
The kitchen door swung open and Stretch rushed in, waving a hand and the pressure on Jeff's chest faded.
"what the fuck are you doing??” Stretch whapped Red on the back of the skull and the bones faded. "you okay, kid?"
He nodded, rubbing his sternum. Fuck, that had felt weird, held down without being touched. "Yeah," Jeff managed, "He didn’t hurt me."
"just scared the ever living shit out of you," Stretch said darkly. His hands were gentle as he tipped up Jeff's chin, peering into his eyes. "what the fuck, red, when did you get back and why are you lurking in our kitchen, you fucking creeper?"
Red shrugged. "came back with the blueberry but he was against a little light b & e. he'll be here soon."
Stretch went very still. "Blue is here?"
Red rolled his eye lights. "of course he’s here, asgore blabbed the whole shebang to him. we caught the first flight back, you think there was any way your bro was staying after hearing that shit?"
"damn it," Stretch sighed, rubbing between his sockets as if his head ached.
"yep," Red agreed. "enjoy your smothering, hero." He pointed a sharp finger at Jeff. "now, who's your pet human?"
"he’s not a pet, you dick," Stretch said indignantly, before Jeff could even try to respond. He slung an arm over Jeff's shoulders, pulling him in and gesturing at him as grandly as a host on a game show. "this is andy!"
"andy?" Red brightened, swinging his feet down from the table, and Jeff didn’t try to correct them. "hey, kid, sorry about the scare! stretch told me all about how you kicked that guy's ass on the bus, way to go!"
He held out a hand and it took Jeff a second to realize he was waiting patiently for a fist bump. He tapped it hesitantly, mumbling, “I didn’t really—"
"quiet, ain't he," Red said amicably. “it’s all good. nice to meet someone who isn’t just being fucking polite, keerist, i don’t see how blue and papyrus can stand it."
"they are beyond comprehension," Stretch agreed. "give me science any day, those two are—"
"Brother?"
Stretch trailed off, closing his sockets briefly.
Standing in the kitchen doorway was another skeleton. He was very short, hardly half of Stretch's height, and in very nice suit though the tie was loosened. He looked tired but his eye lights morphed briefly into blue stars as he smiled.
"hey bro," Stretch said quietly. He walked over to the other in slow, stumbling steps, sinking down and pulling him in for a tight hug. His shoulders quivered and Blue crooned softly, wordlessly, cupping his skull in his hands.
The moment dragged on and Jeff shifted uncomfortably, wondering if he should go. Red didn't seem at all perturbed though and neither did Edge, who had slipped in behind Blue. Those two only looked at each other and nodded, no heartfelt hugs or teary reunions there. Long moments of silence before Stretch finally drew back a little, resting his forehead against Blue's collarbone.
"so, it looks like i’m getting married," Stretch said, softly muffled into Blue's shirt.
"yeah?" Red picked at his teeth with a sharp finger bone, "hope that means my bro is, too."
"Of course it does, hush," Blue scolded, stroking his brother's skull. "I'd say it's about time. Who asked?"
When no one else offered, Jeff spoke up, meekly, "Stretch did."
A loud groan came from Red and he reached into his back pocket, pulling out a wallet and the chain rattled as he dug out a bill. "ah, fuck, there's twenty bucks. just a constant disappointment to me, bro, fucking hell." Red hesitated, his wallet still out. "did he actually do it on purpose?"
"I don’t think so."
Grumbling, Red handed over another bill that Blue primly took, tucking the folded money into his pocket. "I know my brother."
Red grinned and winked, "i know mine, too, should've bet against him." He ignored the upraised middle finger Edge offered him. "welp, we're here, you guys've hugged it out, and i've met your new pal. you gonna feed us, bro, or do i get to make something?"
Red flared in Edge's eye socket, "If you even think of touching my kitchen—"
"There are sandwiches in the living room?" Jeff yelped and four skeletons looked at him. He shrank down, adding warily, "Stretch and I were going to watch a movie."
"yeah?" Red looked mildly interested. "what movie?"
"Robot Monster?"
Red chuckled and stood, stretching, "classic. great, let's hit it, then, and let these assholes sort themselves out. c'mon, andy, show me the sandwiches. you and me? we are gonna be best pals."
Jeff rubbed his sternum again. Somehow, he had his doubts about that.
"don't steal my friend," Stretch grumbled but he didn't protest as Jeff followed Red into the living room. He snagged a sandwich and flopped on the sofa, consuming half of it in one bite.
"put on the movie, kid," Red told him, then a little softer, "you don't want to hear those two going at it, trust me."
Jeff put the DVD on just as the voices rose in the kitchen, wincing even as Red pushed the volume up. He took a sandwich of his own before Red could devour the whole plate.
"so, you wanna update me on what's been going on," Red asked and there was something sly in his voice, in his eye lights.
"I don't think I do," Jeff told him and maybe it was rude, but fuck it, he was pretty sure Red had been making a fair attempt to kill him. He could be a little rude.
Red only laughed, loudly, shaking his head. "yeah, we're going to get along fine, kid. eat your sandwich, my bro has a gift."
Jeff took a bite and groaned, because hell, yes, Edge did have a gift. Whatever he'd put in the mayonnaise could have the Food Network breaking down the door, if they could ever sneak into New New Home.
Speaking of breaking, something crashed loudly in the kitchen and Jeff winced. Red only shook his head and turned up the volume a little more, the gorilla-suited villain raving on the screen. "they'll be fine, kid, i promise. watch the movie."
Sandwich in hand, Jeff did, though he made a mental note to talk to Antwan about this the second he walked out the door. Maybe he wasn't willing to share any secrets with Red but Jeff thought Antwan would want to know what was up.
There was another loud crash and Jeff cringed.
Maybe he'd text Antwan now.
-finis-