Chapter Text
Routine had used to be something detestable. He’d hated doing things in a mind-numbing repeat, the same work day-after-day, but that had all changed and people changed and routines were now something of a lifesaver instead.
Routines let him know where people would be at certain times, and what areas to avoid and when, and knowing he had a diary and could be surrounded by those he trusted most of the day was a relief.
He couldn’t run forever though and he knew that but a reprieve was nice.
“Hey, Tony,” Natasha greeted him in the morning, sliding into a seat at the table and pulling the jug of juice toward her, “Will we be seeing you today?”
He looked up from his tablet, giving her a smile, “Probably not. Unless there’s a sudden evil menace downtown, I’m in office all day.”
“Right. Fair enough.” She sipped at her juice, “I need to be in SHIELD today anyway, we have an update on our security processes.” She sighed, “Mostly webinars and lectures.”
“And who says being a spy isn’t fun,” Tony murmured absently, already back to his work. His watch beeped then and he realised that he was running late, pushing his chair back and standing with his tablet still in hand. He knocked into the table as he walked by however and almost dropped it, checking himself and stopping.
Natasha had automatically put out a hand to help and he jerked aside to avoid it, “Sorry.” He mumbled, “Wasn’t paying attention.” He gave her another quick smile and left the room, rubbing his hip where he felt a bruise forming. He really did bruise far too easily but at least they faded sooner rather than later.
He skimmed a hand over his thigh, biting his lip. Some of them did anyway.
Pepper was at her desk when he arrived and she wordlessly handed him a folder as he passed while on the phone to someone else, balancing the receiver over her shoulder as she typed.
“Yes Mr Stark is here, Mrs Gallagher, but he’s in meetings all day. I can take a message for you but it’ll be easier to attend the function Thursday evening and ask him directly – ” She stopped when Tony paused in the doorway and mouthed no at her, shaking his head hard enough to be spotted, “Oh. No, I’m sorry, I just realised he won’t be free that evening either. A message is the easiest option.” She nodded as she took the message down, humming a few times, before finally putting the phone back in it’s slot.
“Sorry,” Tony said, leaning against the door, “I’m not doing functions for a while, remember. Just tell them I’ll – I don’t know, I’ll get back to them.”
“You never get back to them, Tony,” She sighed, “And they just call back again angrier than they were the first time and I have to deal with it.”
He frowned, “I’ll do better,” He promised, “I listen to my diary now. See.” He pointed at the clock and then opened his calander up on his phone’s holographic screen, “It’s 7:40. And here I am.”
She smiled, unimpressed but fond, “How about I just pass the phone to you the next time someone’s angry and you’ve forgotten to call. Hm?”
He shrugged, “Okay.”
“Good. There’s a message waiting for you on voicemail 2 when you get in.” She said, cheerily, “I told him you’d be here soon and that you’ll call him back.”
He gave her a look, “You knew I’d agree so went ahead and passed a call before I said yes?” He checked and she nodded.
“I’m efficient.”
“Yeah alright,” He rolled his eyes, shutting his door after him and taking a seat at his desk. There was a flash on the phone indicating said message and he let it play aloud as he took his jacket off and draped it over the back of his chair.
Hi Tony, it’s Jack. Jack Bishop. You said you’d call Wednesday but it’s now Monday so I thought maybe you were dead or ignoring me. It’s hard to tell with that side-job of yours.
Tony pinched the bridge of his nose as he listened. Jack Bishop was an old client of Stark Industries and he owned a chain of nightclubs. He was also cold, rude and obnoxious to a much higher degree than most of the other rich men Tony knew.
I needed to get these documents out soon as, which kinda meant I needed your signature last week and they’re overdue now so we could be penalised. If you’re not too busy, I’d love a call back. You got my number.
It was a lot politer than he’d been expecting but if he waited even longer to call then it wouldn’t be, so he lifted his phone up to dial in Jack’s number with a groan, making a face as it rang.
It was answered after 5 bells. “Jack Bishop speaking.”
“Hi Jack, it’s Tony.”
“Hey!” He yelled it down the phone and Tony winced, “He lives!”
“Sorry I didn’t get back to you before, some things came up and I had to – ”
“Listen, you approve these documents and get them sent out, I don’t care if you were having sex the entire time you were ignoring me.” Tony froze, his heart suddenly jolting as though he’d just fallen 50 feet, “It’s just the taxation forms and the references I need.” Jack continued, oblivious, “You should already have them all in your inbox but if you need them again, shout. God knows it’ll be a nightmare going through it all now that you’re back.”
“Yeah.” Tony said softly, clearing his throat and logging into his computer, “Yeah I’ll get them to you today Jack, no worries.”
“Hey, thanks.” Jack said, “And listen. Apologise to your secretary or whatever will you? I kind of chewed her out when she said you weren’t there yet.”
“She’s my assistant CEO, not a secretary Jack, and you can apologise to her yourself if you really feel bad.”
“Why’s she answering your calls if she’s an Assis. CEO?” Jack scoffed and Tony grit his teeth.
“We’re stretched thin at the moment.” He said, “A lot’s been happening and it’s hard being a secretary in this business. We need someone good.”
Someone who won’t stab me in the neck as well.
“Well I’ve got tonnes of gals I know that would jump at the opportunity,” Jack laughed, “Just let me know.”
“I don’t need your strippers Jack, thanks,” Tony said, pursing his lips.
“Okay, wow. You sick? Time was you’d jump at that.”
“Times change.” Tony snapped before righting himself and calming, “Thanks but no thanks for the offer Jack. We’ll manage. I’ll get the documents to you today.”
“Yeah sure, whatever,” Jack murmured, “I’ll look for your email.” He disconnected the line and Tony slumped forward to put his head on his desk.
A few moments later, he straightened and searched through his inbox, finding Jack’s emails and reading through them to give his approval.
He was engrossed in a fifteen page ‘request for clean energy lighting’ form when a hand touched his shoulder and he lurched to the side and fell off of his chair. Pepper put a hand to her mouth in surprise, trying to help him up.
“Oh Tony, sorry – sorry, I thought you were ignoring me, I didn’t – ” She put a hand on him again but he slapped it away and she held it to her chest, looking wounded, “Tony?”
He swallowed a few times, sitting up slowly, “Yeah. Sorry. You okay?” He asked, using his fallen chair to help him stand before righting it and sliding it under the desk.
“I’m fine. … are you?” She approached him and he took a step back, smiling at her.
“Yeah I’m fine.” He parroted, “You just startled me. Sorry for – ” He nodded at her hand but even with his smile, he knew she wasn’t convinced, “I’m fine. Really.”
“You know it’s okay if you’re not,” Pepper said and he nodded.
“Yeah. I know. I’m just – after that fight you know, I’ve just been – skittish I guess? I don’t know.” He made a face, “I’ll be okay.”
“Should you go to the hospital?”
“No there’s no injuries anymore, I’m okay,” He put his hands on her shoulders, directing her out of the room, “I’m fine Pepper, seriously. Go do some work.” After a moment, she let him urge her away and stepped out of the office.
“I came in to let you know Maria Hill is here by the way,” She mentioned as she shut the door, “But I can tell her to leave.”
It was tempting. Really tempting. But he couldn’t avoid the Avenger-side to his work forever.
“No.” He said, “Let her in.”
He half expected Hill to delve right into funding or PR issues but instead she took a seat and stared at him for a good few seconds as though he’d organised this meeting instead of her. When she folded her arms across her chest expectantly, he rolled his eyes.
“What is this about Hill?” He asked, scowling, “I’ve got a lot on my plate and I don’t have time for a staring contest.”
“Have you.” She said, her face stony and cold.
“Yeah,” He pressed, glaring now, “I have.”
“Right.” She scoffed and he clenched his hands at her sheer rudeness, “Okay Stark, I’m going to be very frank with you,” She said before he could say anything himself, leaning forward in her seat to rest her hands on his desk.
“Please.” He snapped.
“Your diary went from clear to full in four days,” She said and he felt himself grow cold at the insinuation that she had access to his life, “And most of your ‘scheduled’ appointments were booked in by you. You made yourself busy and yet you haven’t been at an Avengers debrief in two weeks.”
“I went to one last Thursday,” He corrected, “When we actually needed to have a debrief. There’s no point to one if nothing has happened.”
“Wrong,” She said, “There is always something happening and Romanov and Barton are agents of SHIELD first and Avengers second. They have missions and reports and you need to be there to listen to them.”
“Or what?” He hissed, his skin tight under his suit.
She gave him a dark look, “Or you’re no longer a consultant. And you’re no longer part of the team. If you can’t act it, you’re out.” She said it like it was a threat but honestly, if he didn’t need to quit himself, it was more of a relief than anything else.
“Fine.” He said coolly, “Was that all?”
Hill looked taken aback, sliding her hands off of the desk and into her lap, “So that’s it? You don’t care about fighting anymore?”
“I don’t need to be an Avenger to fight,” He said, “I was Iron Man before, I can be Iron Man after.”
“We’ll make life hell for you if you get in the way.”
“Life’s already hell, Hill,” He told her, “Now I’ll ask again because I really am busy. Was that all?”
Looking at him for a long moment she frowned, her coldness seeping into curiosity, “Something’s happened, hasn’t it.” She concluded, “Are you dying again?”
“No.” He said, standing and heading for the door to open it and hint strongly that she should leave, “But thank you for the concern. Now get out.”
She didn’t move. “I was under the impression the team had gotten closer after your last PR event but if there are issues within rank, we need to know about it.”
“Only issue I have right now is you not leaving when I’ve asked you to, three times,” Tony said and right as he’d hoped her to, Pepper stepped up from behind him.
“Is there a problem?” She asked, ever professional but she knew Tony rarely got this angry and there was always a good reason for it, “Ms Hill, your car is waiting outside if the meeting’s over.”
Aware she’d be causing a fuss if she didn’t go now, Hill stood and tucked her chair in. She stepped around Pepper, her hand brushing against Tony’s as she passed, and he tried not to but couldn’t help the automatic reaction he now had. He flinched, jerking his hand back and into his pocket.
Hill gave him a long look and then walked out of the office and through the double doors toward the elevator. Pepper watched her go and then crossed to her desk to pick up her phone.
“Hi Henry, it’s Pepper,” She said once she’d dialled to the main reception, “Ms Hill is now leaving. Please make sure she does so immediately.”
Tony stared at her with such an immense gratitude that she blushed from its intensity, “Thanks Pep.”
“What was that all about?” She asked, crossing toward the water cooler and pouring a glass in one of its plastic cups. She handed it to Tony and he downed it in one gulp.
“I’m apparently fired as consultant.” He told her, “And as an Avenger.”
“That’s not Hill’s decision.” She reminded him but he only shrugged.
“If Fury agrees to it then it is, and it’s fine,” He sat on the edge of her desk, “I don’t really care.”
“You don’t care.” She repeated in disbelief and he shook his head.
“Not really.”
“Tony, are you alright?” He shrugged again and she stared at him, “You’ve been acting strange the last few days.”
He’d been feeling strange for the last two weeks. He’d been feeling lost, paranoid, and violated. He didn’t want to talk about it though, but when Pepper didn’t say anything for a while and instead waited for him to speak, her silence broke the chain of lies that he’d built and he burst.
“I need you to clear my diary.” He croaked and she nodded immediately, sitting in her chair and switching her computer back on.
“Done.” She said.
“I need all calls ignored.” He continued and she typed again.
“Okay.”
“I don’t want anyone to come up here all day.”
“I can have a lockdown and go home in 10 minutes – ”
“No.” He interrupted, “No can you stay? Just everyone else.”
She didn’t even pause in her typing, “Sure. I can stay. I’ve got tonnes of work to do anyway.” He smiled at her, “I’m booking you in for a medical appointment too.” His smile dropped.
“Pepper – ”
“I know the signs when something’s going on Tony,” She said, “And I’m not going to ignore them this time.”
He twisted over her desk, looking down at her, “Pepper I swear, I’m not dying again.”
“But something is going on?”
For two weeks now he’d kept this hidden, he’d acted as normal as he could, and he’d done what was expected of him. He’d hidden his own palladium poisoning better than he’d hidden this however and if he didn’t tell someone about what had happened to him now, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to.
And that would just snap his heart in half.
“I – ” He stopped. No. He couldn’t tell her. God what would she think of him? What if she went against the Avengers? What if she told Rhodey or Happy, or even, god, SHIELD?
“You can tell me Tony.” She urged, her eyes wide when she saw him bite down on his lip and hunch over, “Please don’t keep me in the dark again.” He winced at that, from guilt, “My workload’s already too large, I can’t take yours too. Not even if you beg.”
He gave her a look at that and she smiled, trying to make him laugh, and it almost succeeded for a moment but then he remembered what he was trying to tell her and lowered his eyes.
“I don’t need medical.” He promised. “I – there isn’t – I already went. When it happened.”
Pepper was still now, her smile gone as she listened, “When what happened?” She prompted gently.
“When that fight happened. You remember, from two weeks ago? When I had those bruises and everything?”
“Yes.”
“Well it wasn’t a fight.” He clenched his hands over his legs, talking down to them instead of at her, “I was – attacked.”
“Attacked.” She repeated, prompting him again as it was so obvious now that there was more to it than that.
“It wasn’t – I mean, I didn’t – ” He hated himself for the compulsive lie that he came up with but some part of him was sure that it was for his own protection, “I didn’t see their faces.” He sucked in a sharp breath, “It wasn’t a fight, it – I lied.”
“It’s okay.” Pepper assured him, keeping herself utterly still though he could tell she badly wanted to either hug or hold him, “Just tell me what it really was.”
He opened his mouth but nothing came out and then suddenly, it was like he’d been able to say it all along, “It was assault.” He said, his voice raw and grating, “Rape.” The world blurred around him now that he’d said it aloud and he felt sick, swallowing hard.
Pepper's hands had frozen over her keyboard and her face was still as she looked at him and he slowly lift his head to meet her gaze as well.
“I was raped.” He repeated, a certain finality to it now that he'd said it and he felt tears sting in his eyes, his voice breaking when he continued, "And I don't know what to do."
.
Six months later.
.
The room was warm.
A fan rattled away in it’s corner but other than that, the temperature was a steady heat that was actually quite pleasant.
The chairs were metal and were easily folded when they packed a session up after their two hours, but today they’d gotten three more than they were used to and they'd had to borrow the leather chairs from the room next door. Tony was in one of them and it creaked with every fidget and wriggle he had until he forced himself to keep still.
Malia was talking today. Since Tony had started here she’d spoken more than any of them about what had happened to her and as usual, he watched every line on her face harden as she recounted her abuse.
“He knew he’d get away with it.” She was saying, “When he saw me yesterday. He acted like – he knew what he was doing when he did this to me, he acted like he’d done it before. Like he knew where to take me and what to say when I told someone else.” She bent her head, her hair falling into her face whilst she spoke, “It was only once but I saw him again afterward and he – he was with his partner that time and he kept talking to me. Like we were friends. He kept saying things like, oh, ‘how have you been, Malia?’, ‘it’s good to see you out of trouble’ and stuff, making him look like such a good guy in front of everyone else.”
Tony felt rigid as he listened, knowing all too well how it felt to be treated so amicably during or after a rape; when the other party didn’t think they’d done anything wrong.
Malia stopped for a bit then, wiping at her eyes, “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Angela asked. She sat at the centre of the circle, the head of this group and a certified therapist.
Tony had chosen to come here for one of two reasons and her experience was one of them. The second was that he’d been able to get each member of staff and each victim or visitor to sign a disclosure wavier to ensure his privacy against the Press.
“I don’t know,” Malia shrugged, sniffing and wiping her nose on the back of her head, “Because I’m such a mess?”
“A mess?” Angela pressed gently, tilting her head to one side, “What makes you a mess Malia?”
“Well, I’m always crying, aren’t I!” Malia snapped, “I can’t sleep, I’m paranoid. I don’t trust the police anymore, I’m terrified of doing anything wrong. I even wait a whole minute after the light’s green to make sure I don’t run a red, I mean – goddammit, I live in fear. Literally.”
“And that makes you a mess.” Angela clarified.
“Yes!” Angry now, Malia wiped at her face again and again, her cheeks turning red from how hard she rubbed at them.
“Does anyone have any thoughts to that?” Angela opened the circle up, looking at each of them. Her gaze stopped on Sofia, who looked like she’d burst if she didn’t speak but who was also too shy to raise her hand, “Sofia? How about you?”
“Oh. Um.” Sofia met Malia’s gaze from across the circle, “I don’t think you’re a mess.” She said, timid but sweet, “I just … think you’re upset. I mean, obviously. But that doesn’t make you a mess. You shouldn’t be annoyed at yourself for feeling.”
Malia sniffed again. “I’m not annoyed for feeling,” She said, “I’m annoyed at our justice system.”
Angela looked around the circle again and a new member, a woman who’d introduced herself as Cece, raised a hand.
“Yes, Cece?”
“Yeah. Hi.” She said, waving. Malia looked at her now while Sofia lowered her head and looked ashamed for having even spoken. Tony wanted to flay whoever had hurt her alive but at the moment, he concentrated on what Cece had to say instead.
“So yeah, I was raped by my best friend when I was eighteen,” She began and Tony felt his lips part in reaction to her bluntness, “He knew I would never tell anyone and I didn’t. He was like family to me and my mom when it happened but since then I’ve been paranoid. I moved out a year ago and I have cameras installed in my house and car. I built security around me for protection but - I'm still scared. Because he’s still out there.” She sighed, “So I completely understand what you’re saying,”
She leant forward in her chair, “And I’m so sorry you had to go through this, I - " She turned to Angela, “Are we allowed to hug?”
Angela gestured toward Malia, “If Malia is alright to hug you, then of course.”
Malia nodded her permission, rising to meet Cece as she stood and they wrapped their arms around each other in the middle of the circle, with Cece pulling her close and whispering ‘you’re okay’ repeatedly.
Tony heard her sniff and watched as Cece buried her face in Malia’s neck. The hug looked truly cathartic and neither looked like they wanted to let go. They did eventually however and the both of them returned to their seats with their faces wet.
Angela gathered the room’s attention again simply by shifting forward in her chair.
“Thank you for sharing Cece.” She said, “I know it can be tough to recount an event but you did that very well.” She then glanced around the room again but when no one else looked prepared to speak, she turned to Frieda.
Frieda had started at the same time as Tony and had yet to tell her story like him, though she’d mentioned that it had been a police officer as well, just the once in a discussion. She was curt when she spoke to the others in the group, not to hurt but to be blunt and clinical in her advice.
They talked sometimes, after sessions, and Tony liked her.
Angela didn’t prompt when it was clear she wanted to be silent today however and their session would be running out of time soon anyway. By the end of the meeting, she finished with her usual parting words and they all rose to leave.
Many of them often drove here themselves and they left as soon they were able. Any others left behind waited for the bus or for a friend or family member to collect them.
Happy had driven Tony here so he went to the refreshment table to wait for a text that would let him know when he could leave. He wanted to avoid the Press as much as was possible, if only to spare those in the circle as well.
“Hey,” Frieda greeted when she joined him, taking a cup of orange juice to drink just as he finished his, “How you doing?”
He scoffed lightly, “Been better,” She hummed, “How did your birthday thing go?”
“Oh,” She waved a hand, “Cancelled. Not enough guests.”
He smiled, “Was that more or less work for you?”
“About the same,” She said, “But this way was actually worse because we’d put everything up and had to clean it all away for nothing.”
“At least there was nothing to clean from the food?” He offered, “Kids can be messy.”
“That’s true.” She rest her hip against the table, her uniform creasing as she did. She worked at a kids’ funhouse and often had to organise birthday groups and mascots and so on, which seemed like exhausting work but she said it kept her out of trouble and that was what she wanted.
“Your driver late today?” She asked after a while and he nodded.
“Traffic probably,” He said, putting his phone away and hugging his arms across his chest, “God I hate being stuck here more than I need to be.” He realised how that sounded and went to correct himself but Frieda was smiling.
“I know.” She agreed, sighing, “I mean. You choose to come every time. Like it’s your choice, but you don’t get used to it. Hearing what people go through, wondering if yours is worse or better and if you should even be here, or if it even matters over who suffered more ...” She poured herself some more juice, “And then you convince yourself not to come again only to sit there an hour before a session starts and decide you need to.”
“Because it helps.” Tony finished for her and she nodded.
“Yeah. It helps.” She sighed, “Wonder if it helps more when you finally tell your own story or if that just takes time too.”
“I think it all takes time.” Tony countered, “Everyone deals with it differently.”
“Don’t get all ‘Angela’ on me.” She snorted and he grinned, “I know that. I just – wish I could hurry up and be ready to say my piece already. Start to heal and all that jazz.”
“You’ve said more than I ever had.” Tony argued, “I can’t even give advice.” She smiled at him, untying her hair only to tie it back up again, yanking her band until it was tighter, “I feel – useless, listening to them.” She nodded, looking at him softly, “But I can’t speak up.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know,” He picked at a loose thread on his sleeve, “It’s not like they make me feel like I shouldn’t be here.”
She paused, “What, do you think you shouldn’t be here?”
He sighed, deciding to be honest, “Is it bad that I didn’t expect there to be many men in sessions?” He asked, “I mean I chose a mixed-space but, when I first came and saw those guys, I didn’t – ” He made a face but Frieda seemed to know what he meant anyway.
“No. It’s not weird.” She said, “Everyone thinks it, it’s an internal stigma.” She glanced over at two of the regular men, Christian and Terry, watching them talk for a moment, “It’s sad, considering how many men go through it as well.”
Tony followed her gaze, “Yeah.”
“You know, I once knew this girl from another group?” She then said, “She’d tell me about her sessions and stuff and she said this one time this weird lady complained that there was a man there. She said he made her feel unsafe and that he was lying about being raped so he could be surrounded by women and all sorts of shit.”
Tony blinked, “But you can choose mixed-groups?”
“Oh she knew it was mixed,” Frieda said coldly, “Turns out she’d never even been raped either. She went to groups to find ‘weak’ men and force them to leave. It worked on most. They never came back.”
Tony stared at her, “What the fuck.”
“And that’s just the women,” She continued, “Men are even worse. They claim to care but when someone’s actually raped? They don’t want to know.” She smiled then, “It’s brave of anyone to come to groups but to fight a stigma as well? I think they deserve a medal.”
“Women have stigmas too.” Tony reminded her gently and she nodded.
“Yeah. Rape just sucks for everyone.” The understatement was brutal enough that they both laughed quietly at it until a buzz from Tony’s phone let him know Happy was here.
“I’ll see you in two weeks.” He promised, jogging toward the door and she put a hand up in a goodbye, watching him leave.
Happy drove as soon as he was in, taking the long route around to avoid letting anyone figure out where he’d just picked Tony up from. The group was in a completely secluded and bland looking area anyway, and there was nothing around it that made it clear what it was for, but it was better to be safe than sorry. It was supposed to make them feel safe, and feel okay coming here, and if he was honest it worked.
“Anything explode while I was gone?” He asked wryly, looking out the window and watching as some not-so-subtle paparazzi cars began to follow them back to the tower once they were on the main road.
“No sir.” The driver said and Tony froze, jerking his head around to look at him, “But there was an incident.”
Tony recognised his voice and when he glanced down at his phone, he noticed that the message he’d gotten wasn’t from Happy and was instead from someone saved in as ‘hugh-man’. He must have tried to be funny when he’d named him as a contact but now he felt sick.
Because he knew him.
He’d been the driver that had driven them home that night. The one who’d heard everything and who’d driven them around longer to let them finish. He struggled to breathe slowly, calming himself down.
“What incident?” He asked slowly, pressing his legs together and praying for clear roads and no traffic.
“Mr Hogan was on his way to collect you but was involved in a car accident. I was sent to – ”
“What? Car – is he okay?” Tony demanded, leaning forward in his seat, “What happened?”
“He’s fine, Mr Stark,” The driver said, turning them toward the tower and into its personal car lot, “Mild whiplash. A pedestrian stepped out into the road and he swerved.”
Tony immediately went to the news to see if any of the paparazzi had caught what had happened on camera. Sometimes it was useful to be followed around so much as they caught things before any other news outlet did.
He found footage on a hot magazine after about a minute of searching and he watched the snapshot pictures run together like a video, seeing a young girl walk deliberately out onto the road just as Happy came around the corner. He swerved to miss her but she was struck anyway and Happy collided with a post.
The next pictures showed the girl being put into an ambulance with a few paragraphs that said she was alive and not too badly hurt. He swiped across through the gallery and felt an icy shard hit his heart when he realised that he knew her.
It was Sofia.
Hugh parked the car near the elevator and Tony was out before he’d even shut the engine. He went to the common room to find out which hospital Happy and Sofia had been sent to so he could head there himself and visit them, to see if they were okay. He’d drive himself there too. Hugh was fired as far as he was aware.
As soon as he stepped through the doors however, the entire team was there and he almost fell in his haste to stop. Since he’d started going to groups, he’d returned to work as an Avenger and Consultant as per normal, distant from the team but not so much that they were suspicious, but it wasn’t often that they were all here together like this anymore.
Especially while looking so annoyed too.
Steve stood when he saw him and he felt his heart hammer hard at the bizarre thought that they were going to do this to him again and that he had no escape; even if none of them were drunk this time. He took a step back, staring at them all.
“Where’s the fire?” Clint drawled, raising an eyebrow, and Tony gaped for a moment only to snap out of it and remember his urgency.
“Oh – Happy. He had a car crash. I’m going to go see him.” He answered, wanting badly to walk past them to his room but he couldn’t make himself move.
“Where did you go?” Clint asked, “That he had to pick you up?”
“A meeting.” Tony said, his lips numb.
“But your diary’s empty.”
Tony started to breathe hard and his face felt hot, “I need to go to the hospital.” He repeated, firmly now.
“Happy just had some whiplash, he’s fine.” Natasha said, “We need to talk first.”
“No.” He glared at her, “I’m not going to chat while he’s in hospital. It might be more than whiplash, you never know with crashes – ”
“Tony just sit down.” Steve said, folding his arms across his chest and frowning, “Now.”
“I don’t take orders from you.” Tony snapped, angry, and Natasha sighed.
“We know. That’s what we want to talk to you about.” She stepped toward him and he forced himself to stay still, “Hill told us you quit months ago.”
“Uh actually, she fired me, but semantics.” He corrected her, “And it’s not that big a deal, I’m still here aren’t I? Now I gotta go.”
Thor stepped to one side now, frowning just as Steve was, and just like that, his way was completely blocked. Feeling more frightened than he’d ever been when fighting evil, he swallowed.
“What is this?” He whispered and Natasha softened.
“We just need to talk Tony.” She said, “Just sit. It won’t be long.”
He slowly stepped around the counter and went toward the sofas, sitting down on the one furthest from them and tucking his legs in close.
“Fine. I’m sitting.” He snapped, “What is it.”
Natasha sat first with the others joining them. Bruce hung back, looking both in and out of control of his temper as Clint put a wad of paper down on the table between them all. Tony took it up, scanning through it.
It was his medical records from six months ago, from after the function. He felt a muscle jump in his throat when he read them.
“Where did you get this?” He murmured and Natasha folded her arms across her chest.
“We have our ways.” She said, not answering the question at all, “What concerns me more is that you didn’t tell us about it in the first place.”
“Well what concerns me more is that this is a basic breach of privacy and I can’t believe you even did this!” Tony threw the papers down, shaking with an emotion that he couldn’t quite name.
“We were worried about you.” Steve justified their technical crime, “You should have told us about this.”
“Fuck you.” Tony sneered, “Why do you even care.”
“Is that what this is?” Steve asked, “You think we don’t care?”
“I just want to go to hospital.” Tony said, avoiding the question, only to bodily flinch when a light-bulb burst above him. He turned to Thor, feeling wary when it seemed like he could physically see his aura and how dark and electric it was.
“We hurt you during our time together,” Thor said, “And you didn’t think you could tell us.”
“Hurt - me?” Tony checked, not quite sure what conclusion they’d drawn from his records or what was happening here.
“Bruises, damaged oesophagus, torn skin. You needed stitches, Tony.” Bruce spoke up now, “We knew we weren’t gentle but why didn’t you say anything?”
We knew we weren’t gentle. Hands were holding him down and he shut his eyes for a moment to block them out.
“I have to go.” He said, standing, “Seriously. We can do this another time.”
“Why won’t you talk to us?” Steve asked, looking wounded, “We’re supposed to be a team. You had to go to the hospital after we had sex and then you get fired or quit and keep silent about it? I think I’ve seen you all of eleven times in the last few months, Tony.”
“Hill only fired me because I was being difficult and it was handled,” Tony snapped, “I’m sorry I didn’t immediately call up everyone I knew and give them the news. And this,” He jabbed a finger at the records, “Is my private business. Stay out of it.”
He started to leave then, his mind whirling at we had sex, because Jesus they still didn’t know. They didn’t get it.
“What is this?” Clint asked, standing as well and blocking his way once again, “You have your fun with us and then suddenly we’re not worth the time?”
“Back off.” Tony warned him, tensing for a fight, but he needn’t have bothered because his phone rang and that broke the tension pretty effectively. When he looked down at it in his hand he saw that it was ‘Happy’ and Clint must have seen it too because he stepped aside with a sigh, letting Tony pass and head to the elevator again.
“Happy. Hey.” He answered the call as he rushed out, “I’m on my way, okay? Just tell me which hospital you’re at. No no, I’m coming. Just tell me.”
He waited until the elevator doors shut before he turned, catching a glimpse of the team watching him leave. He slumped against the wall behind him when he was then alone, shutting his eyes as a burst of relief hit him like a punch.
He didn’t think he’d ever been so frightened in his life. He’d been going to groups for months now, twelve sessions and counting, and he’d thrown himself into his work in the meantime as well. And yet, still. He was still terrified of his own team.
.
He chose one of his smaller cars to drive to the hospital, taking a few minutes in the car to calm down before he did, drumming his hands over the wheel and turning the radio on to distract himself. As soon as he pulled out however, he was swamped by a crowd of reporters and had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting any of them.
“Mr Stark!”
“Mr Stark is it true the young girl you hit is an illegitimate daughter of yours?”
“Did your driver have orders to remove her from your life?”
“Mr Stark, why are you driving yourself, is Mr Hogan your only driver?”
He crawled through them, sounding the horn when none of them seemed to want to move and eventually lowering his window, “I’m trying to get to the hospital guys, okay? Just get out of the way.” A microphone was shoved in through the gap he’d made and he jerked his head back.
“Mr Stark, can you confirm that you’re attending a therapy group for drug recovery and rehabilitation?”
“What?” Tony stared at him, “Where the hell do you guys get your information from? Seriously, get out of the way.”
The man continued despite his warning, leaning in closer, “You were spotted leaving a therapy group this morning before your driver’s crash and you haven’t been seen with the Avengers in weeks. Has your drug addiction become a source of tension between you and the team?”
“I’m not addicted to drugs.” Tony snapped, rolling the window back up and bracing his hands on the wheel. Once it looked clear that he was going to drive no matter what, a few reporters moved back a little but there still wasn’t enough room.
He wasn’t going to run anyone over but he didn’t have the time nor patience for this either, “Move!” He yelled and there was suddenly a burst of light from behind him.
Two of his suits flew out of the garage and flanked the car with their arms raised and glowing. Cameras flashed like lightning to capture them.
“Please step away from the car.” One of them said, the automated voice so similar to Jarvis’ that it was obvious who was controlling them, “Please step away from the car.”
“Mr Stark, did – ?”
One of the suits blocked the reporter and stepped into his space, making him stumble back and raise his camera toward it.
“Please step away from the car.” It repeated and eventually the crowd listened.
Tony immediately put the car back into gear and drove away from the tower and onto the road, knowing that Jarvis would keep them at bay until he reached the hospital.
Once inside, he was directed to the third floor and jogged up the stairs, turning into a ward to see Happy sitting up and eating jello from a tub. He saw him in the doorway and choked on his spoon, coughing and putting the tub down to squint at him.
“Boss – ” He coughed again, giving Tony a look once he was done, “I told you not to come. I’m fine.”
“Shut up Happy.” Tony rolled his eyes, taking a seat beside the bed and plucking an apple off of the tray. He bit into it, speaking around his mouthful, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Happy repeated, “Really. I’ve got a little burn in my neck and I could do with a masseuse but I’m more worried about that girl.” He took his jello back up, “She came out of nowhere.” He insisted, “I didn’t even see her, I – have you seen the footage? It looks like I tried to hit her on purpose. God.”
“I’m sorry.” Tony told him, “I could have walked home, it’s not far.”
Happy gave him another look, “It’s a 10 minute drive.” He said, before frowning, “How did you get home? I didn’t get a chance to call.”
“Second driver.” Tony answered and he must have sounded as weary as he felt because Happy sat up a little straighter and looked concerned.
“What second driver?” He asked, “I fired Hugh months ago.” Tony paused.
He’d had told Happy about the rape when he’d asked to be dropped off discretely at the group every two weeks but he hadn’t said that the team had done it. He’d only said he’d been out for a run with the car tailing him and when he’d been attacked, Hugh had disappeared. It was the same story he’d given Pepper.
He hadn’t known Happy had taken it upon himself to punish Hugh for not doing his job however, and he felt warm that he had. And he didn’t even know the whole story. The more pressing concern now however was that if Hugh was fired, then why had he picked Tony up?
“Well it was him who got me.” Tony said, “I didn’t know you fired him.”
Happy looked angry, pressing his lips together, “I’ll look into it. I’m head of security, if someone’s fired, they’re fired. I take their badge and everything.” He sighed, “I’m sorry boss. He’ll be gone when I’m out of here tomorrow.”
“Focus on resting up.” Tony told him, “I’ll book you a masseuse for your day off.”
“I don’t have a day off.”
“You have now. A week off starting tomorrow.” Tony said, “CEO orders. No arguing or coming into work anyway.” Happy smiled at him, shaking his head.
“I really am okay.” He insisted but he didn’t turn down the holiday and instead leant back in his bed, “But a masseuse does sound nice.”
“Yeah, wonder where I got the idea from.” Tony joked, throwing the apple core into the bin and pouring himself a glass of water.
He stayed with Happy for about an hour as they talked but it wouldn’t be long before the paparazzi figured out where he was and he didn’t want the hospital swarmed. He left with the promise to pick him up in the morning, walking down the hallway and ignoring any doctors or nurses that gaped at him as he passed.
He stopped a few halls down however, pausing when he saw a familiar face in one of the private rooms, and he walked toward it when it looked like no one was watching. Knocking on the door, he waited until she turned to see him through the glass window, and then he stepped inside.
“Hi.” He whispered and Sofia gave him a soft smile.
“Hi.” She whispered back. He took a seat on the edge of the bed, just near her legs and smiled back, “What are you doing here?”
“My driver was the man who almost hit you.” He explained, “I came to see if he was alright. Saw you in the news with him and had to check on you too.”
Her face fell, “That was your driver?” She asked, “I’m so sorry.”
“Hey it’s okay, he’s alright,” He assured her gently, “You’re the one who was hit.”
She scoffed lightly, “Yeah. Broken leg.” The ‘that’s all’ was left unspoken but Tony knew what she’d wanted. He knew it and he hated that he understood.
“Which leg?” He asked and she pointed to the left. He made sure to not move and jostle it as he looked and she laughed a little.
“It’s okay. I’m on pain meds.” She said, “Can’t feel anything.”
Tony smiled again, "Guess you'll be off school for a while then."
She shook her head, "No. I'll be on crutches but still there."
He remembered hearing that she was 17 during his first session and though they'd only spoken a few times, he'd loved the glimpses of teenage attitude that he'd seen still within her. It made him angrier to see her visibly withdraw into herself at times as well, because he knew why and knew her attacker hadn't paid for it.
"That sucks." He whispered and she smiled again, nodding, and in the corner of his eye he noticed a bunch of flowers in a vase, sitting on the table beside her.
He nodded at them, “Is that from your family?”
She followed his gaze and the light in her eyes dimmed, “No.” She whispered, and that alone was telling of who it had really been.
Tony nodded again, standing and walking around to lift the flowers out of their vase. He stood on the bin’s pedal and dumped them inside, using his other foot to really squish them in until they were wilted and blackened.
When he sat back down, Sofia had tears in her eyes, “Thank you.” She said and he leant forward on instinct to wrap his arms around her as she sobbed into his neck. “I’m sorry,” She hiccuped and he held her tighter.
“It’s okay. It’s alright.”
“I really am sorry though!” She cried, so quiet despite the anguish in her words, “It was selfish, what I did.”
“But it’s okay,” Tony assured her, “Just don’t walk in front of cars again,” He said, his voice trembling, “Don’t ever.”
“Why not?” She asked, “I’ve tried everything else. Everyone said that if I told my story I’d feel better. But I don’t!”
“It takes time – ”
“I’ve given it time!” She insisted, “I want him to die! And if he doesn’t, then I will!” Tony shut his eyes, breathing hard.
“I can put him away.” He promised, “Give me a name and I can. I have the best lawyers in the world and if – ”
“He’ll get out.” She interrupted but he continued over her.
“And if that fails, I have a permanent solution. I can do it. For you.” He pulled back, looking into her eyes, “We try it legally and if the justice system fails, I’ll handle it.”
“You’ll go to jail.” She whispered and he felt tears in his own eyes then.
“But you'll be alive.”
Swallowing hard, she wiped at her face, “My mom told me to just move on.” She said.
“Yeah,” He said, having met the woman just the once a few weeks back and knowing what she felt, “Sometimes people give advice when they don’t understand what the pain feels like,” He explained, “They do their best but when there’s nothing else they can do, then that’s all they can say.”
“But you can do more?”
“I’ll do my best.” Tony promised her, “I just need a name.”
She hunched over, putting her face in her hands, “What if it doesn’t work and he finds me for revenge? What if you get there too late?”
“Sofia – ”
“I can’t do it again Tony.” She swore, “I can’t.” She dissolved into silence, holding herself and rocking slightly over her pillows. Tony watched her, thinking back to meetings. She’d never said more than a few words about the incident but she’d mentioned that her rapist had hurt her the once and that he was ‘close’ to her.
Usually he’d think that that meant a family member but she’d also spoken about family and had seemed to be pretty happy with them. Then again, you never knew, and he knew that she wouldn’t reveal more about it just on her own accord. She needed a prompt and it wasn’t fair if she was the only one who had to spill secrets.
He braced himself, wiping at his own eyes and looking up at the ceiling for a moment. Once he was sure he wouldn’t cry, he opened his mouth to speak.
“There were five of them,” He said slowly and she glanced up at him in shock, “When it happened to me. There were five and – we were friends. We were drunk too, or at least I was.”
She looked transfixed, “You’ve never said what happened to you.”
“I know.” He lowered his eyes, “Because I’m scared. I see them everyday and they don’t even know how badly they hurt me, or how terrified I am that they’ll do it again. They think I enjoyed myself.” He bit his lip, “I live with them too so I – I can’t avoid them either.”
“You live with – ?” She paused, her eyes wide as she realised what that meant, “The – the Avengers?”
“Everyone’s capable of doing awful things.” He said, “Even heroes.” He sucked in a shuddering gasp, “I’ve kept it to myself because the world needed to think it had protectors but – sometimes you need to be selfish.” She blinked at him, “So I’ll make you a promise, okay? I will go public about what happened and make the Avengers pay for what they did to me. If you give me a name and let me try to put your demon away as well.”
“What if no one believes you?” She asked.
“I’ll fight for the truth.” He said, vehemently, “And I’ll fight for yours too. And Malia’s if she wants me to. And Frieda, and Christian and Halli and – ”
“He was my teacher!” Sofia suddenly burst out, staring up at him with both fear and awe, “My – he’s called Mr Spencer. I don’t know his first name but he teaches me Art and Design and I was finishing a project after school when he – when he did it.”
Her teacher. Tony clenched his fists tight against his legs.
“What school do you go to?” He asked, committing the name to memory when she told him and pressing his lips together. “If I go after him, you’ll have to talk in court.” He told her, “Can you do that?”
“Will he be punished?”
“If the court doesn’t, I will.” Tony promised and she nodded.
“Then I can do it.”
“I’ll be right there with you.” Tony told her, his eyes warm and soft as he met her gaze, cupping her face with one hand, “The whole time.”
“I’ll be there with you too.” She said, reaching over and hugging him only to flinch when the door suddenly opened and a nurse stepped in.
“Oh – !” She startled when she saw him only to frown a moment later, “I’m sorry, are you family?”
“He’s my uncle.” Sofia immediately lied and Tony laughed.
“No. Sorry,” He said, “I was just visiting, we know each other.”
“Right, well.” The nurse’s frown deepened, “I’m sorry but only family during this time. Thank you.”
“Can he come tomorrow?” Sofia asked, sounding so young in that moment and so hopeful that Tony felt his heart squeeze in his chest.
“Sweetheart, he can come every day if you promise to get some sleep.” The nurse said and Sofia beamed.
“I’ll sleep.” She said and Tony laughed again.
“I’ll bring you some books to read tomorrow.” He said, “What kind of genre do you like?”
“We’re reading Macbeth in school and I need to catch up.” She said, “Could we go through it together?” The nurse stared at him when he nodded.
“Sure.” He told her, stepping out and waving, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He knew that she would never tell anyone about what he’d said, about the revelation that the Avengers were rapists, but he’d been telling the truth to her nonetheless so it wouldn’t really matter that it was a secret for long.
He was tired of being afraid and he was tired of seeing others afraid. If what it took to help them was to be an example and put his demons away, then he’d step up and do it with his head held high.
“Excuse me!” He jumped, turning when he heard the nurse running after him and stopping to wait for her to catch up, “Excuse me! Hi.” She paused to catch her breath and he waited.
“Is everything alright?” He checked.
“Everything is fine,” She said, smiling, “I just wanted to thank you.”
“Thank me?” He asked.
“That girl in there has been in-and-out for months and I’ve been with her through it all.” She said, “I’ve never seen her so smiley before. So yes. Thank you for doing that,” She put a hand on her chest, her smile widening, “For helping her. I asked about homework today and she said there was no point to it because she’d be dead soon.”
Tony lowered his eyes, “I – ”
“But now she wants to go through Macbeth with you. It's a plan for the future, even if it’s just tomorrow.” The nurse continued, “I just want you to know how important that is to her and that I hope you won’t break your promise.”
“I won’t.” Tony assured her, “She’s going to know it by-heart by the end of the week.” Snorting, the nurse nodded and stepped back.
“Well. I’ll let you go now.” She said, “We’ll see you tomorrow?” She phrased it as a question and he smiled.
“See you tomorrow.” He nodded, watching her leave before leaving the hospital himself. He drove home feeling buzzed and determined and parked in the tower just as the sun began to set.
The reporters had gone by now, leaving behind only a few exhausted stragglers who tried to run after him but missed their chance when the doors shut and he could step out in peace.
Once inside he completely forgot that the team had hacked into his medical records and that they'd wanted to talk, so when he walked into the common area to make himself some coffee he froze in place when the others were all sat there. Like they’d been waiting for him.
“Free to talk now?” Natasha asked, leaning back to look at him.
“What’s there to talk about?” Tony asked, switching the coffee machine on and watching it bubble.
“Fine.” Natasha snapped, “Keep your secrets. Just stop avoiding us. We’re watching a movie, join us. There’s beer and some other pick-me-ups.”
“No thanks.” Tony said, pouring the coffee into a mug, “I don’t drink anymore.”
“Since when?” Clint half laughed, half scoffed.
“Since almost seven months now, actually.” He said, taking a moment to count how many sessions he’d been to and including the time before when he’d avoided drinking after the rape.
“Well one won’t hurt you.” Steve offered but Bruce shook his head.
“Trying for sobriety is hard.” He said, “We shouldn’t tempt him.”
“A sober Stark,” Clint laughed, reaching for the remote, “How are we going to have our fun now?”
Tony felt the mug slip in his hands but he caught it in time, “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, his voice icy and biting despite his fear.
Clint turned to look at him, confused, “That you’re less uptight when you’re drunk?” He said, “Jesus, you’ve become the biggest killjoy these last couple of months. What happened?”
Tony scoffed, walking away. For a team of spies, Natasha and he were very oblivious to the reactions of someone that had been assaulted. Unless they weren’t and just didn’t make the connection that that someone could be Tony.
Maybe he was too rich and too 'uptight' to be victim in their eyes.
He locked himself in his room that night, searching for Sofia’s school and getting as much information about Mr Spencer as he could.
He also booked a meeting with Pepper in a week’s time, when Rhodey would be back on leave so he could join them, where he was going to come clean about what had happened and why he’d hidden it. He felt his fingers shake as he thought of how that would go but he’d promised and this was as much for him as it was for Sofia.
It was time the Avengers learnt something, even if he had to drill it in and announce it to the world to make them understand.
No meant No. Always.
.