Archive of Our Own

Richie is wearing all black. Black jeans that have been ripped from all the times he’s fallen off his bike while riding to class. (Which is a fucking lot okay) His jacket is black made out of fake leather because he’s in college and he can barely buy food let alone real leather. The jacket has a patch over the breast pocket that is a small flame. His shirt is black as well. Unlike his sneakers that he bought online that are dark grey -almost black- and they have a special red flame on the tongue of the shoe and the bottoms of them light up with each of his steps.

Yeah he’s 22 and he has light up flaming shoes. Best purchase in Richie’s opinion. His friend, Stan, thinks it is his worst.

Who’s to say who is right?

If you’ve noticed the small similarities in that outfit is that Richie Tozier likes the color black. He just likes it because it’s dark and it makes him look mysterious. Black is everything but bright. He believes that the color helps him get the ladies and gentleman.

Well, that plus his loud funny personality and his dashing good looks.

His black -yes more black- curly hair is long and hangs over his eyes if he doesn’t get it down a bit. It’s wild and he flips it all the fucking time. His eyes are dark as well but his skin is pale against his dark items. Richie likes to consider himself a hot man, besides his stupid fucking teeth. They are chipped and crooked and he plans to fix them as soon as he graduates college. He fixed his eyes already, got contacts and shoved his large-as-fuck glasses in his bedside drawer when he turned 18.

The actual thing that his outfit has in common is a flame because yup Richie Tozier who smokes more than he breathes loves fire. He’s what the dictionary and his therapist would call a pyromaniac.

For those of you don’t know Pyromania is an impulse control disorder in which individuals repeatedly fail to resist impulses to deliberately start fires, in order to relieve tension or for instant gratification. Well, that’s the definition that Richie’s therapist told him after he was forced to go to a session due to that court hearing after he almost burnt down his old apartment building.

Almost being the key word here because he did not burn it down. But he still got arrested and had to have Bill bail him out as none of his other friends would. They are all pretty sick of his whole ‘setting fire to legit every fucking thing’ phase. 

Of course this all started -according to his therapist- from his uncured ADHD as a child. Richie started smoking when he was about 11 and a half years old when his mom left her pack on the kitchen table for her bored son to find. Alongside of the cigarettes was a beautiful blue lighter. The lighter that started his obsession as soon as he flicked it on for the first time.

It progressed from there, an itch in his chest each time. Lighting cigarettes after cigarettes throughout his childhood along with lighting grass and his toys on fire. His favorite was his moth toy that when he lit its one wing on fire he threw it into the sky and watched the flames fly before it hit into the neighbor's tree.

No one knew that fire was him. Besides Stan who was there when it happened.

There were a few more incidents but of course nothing was as bad as when he moved into his first apartment right outside the University of Maine. He moved in with his friend and secret crush Eddie Kaspbrak since he’s the only one who can really stop Richie from setting things on fire. Except about two months ago when Eddie went on a date with some guy from his argument class. Richie, being the jealous and bored fucker he is, lit their couch on fire.

Well, it wasn’t totally because he was jealous; it was because Eddie bought them an orange couch. Orange okay! That’s a flame color. Richie couldn’t help himself because his chest was itching so badly for it.

Eddie is always buying bright colored things. Bright colors that Richie really wants to light on fire until it's dark and burnt to a black crisp. His therapist has told him no multiple times and tries to get Richie to embrace the colors of the universe. He rolled his eyes at that but he has been listening to Lisa’s advice and keeps finding himself watching Eddie more; who is always wearing colors.

It just gives him a better excuse to stare at Eddie.

Like right now as Richie approaches his fellow losers’ right outside of the college’s student center he sees Eddie. Eddie who is a short spitfire with an adorable soft face, dark styled hair and wide eyes that are either glaring at Richie or are twinkling with laughter via Richie.

Eddie is wearing the colors now though. Baby blue jeans that hug his thighs just right. Along with a light pink shirt that has a deep red flower imprinted into the left shoulder. Bev did that. She’s majoring in fashion and decided to help out each of the others wardrobes just a bit.

“Look who finally decided to show,” Stan groans out when he spots Richie who throws his arms out wide and does a spin as his shoes blink lightly in the April sunlight. He winks at a random student who is watching him with vague interest.

“What’s up fuckers?” He asks the losers with a grin. They grew up together in the shit town of Derry. Bill, Richie, Stan and Eddie were the first of the losers until they turned 13 and met Ben, Bev and homeschooled Mike. Since then they have battled the school bullies and their parents together until they all graduated from high school and decided to go to the same college together.

“Thank god you’re here I’m fucking starving,” Eddie whines out, leading the group inside the building and towards the food court area. His tiny legs move fast while everyone walks casually behind him.

“If I’ve known you were so hungry for my dick than I would have gotten here sooner,” Richie jokes, “or you could have waited for me at the apartment and we could have walked together.”

“That’s true Eddie,” Bill speaks, “I’m not sure why you left before him; if it was me I would never leave Richie alone in the apartment. Actually I would never live with him ever again after he almost burnt all of your stuff.”

“You know Bill. Sometimes I wonder why I do live there.” Eddie says. Richie rolls his eyes, of course Eddie is in a bad mood. Richie might have started a fire with papers in a bucket on their balcony this morning and he might have accidentally grabbed one of Eddie’s school notebooks for the fire.

“Don’t forget that the court ruled that Richie has to live with someone and none of us would do it,” Ben confirms.

“Plus I didn’t burn all of his stuff,” Richie responds. He didn’t actually burn any of Eddie’s things, besides the couch of course. When Richie started the fire he stood in the living room to bask in the bright colors of the fire. Then when the fire spread to their coffee table he moved into the hallway and closed both his and Eddie’s door so the fire would struggle a bit before reaching their belongings. Of course that is when the fire alarm went off and ruined all of Richie’s fun.

“Eddie also loves me so he’ll never leave me,” Richie smirks, grabbing Eddie’s shoulder and holding the boy close as they get in line to the cafeteria. Richie is surprised Eddie doesn’t push him away.

Of course Eddie doesn’t love Richie. No he just tolerates his best friend. Meanwhile Richie has been crushing hard on the smaller boy, since they were 14 actually. It happened when Eddie called him a trashmouth -which was nothing new- but Richie was lying in the grass and Eddie stood over top of him, hands on his fanny pack and the sun was a halo around his head.

That’s when Richie’s chest itched for something other than flicker of flames.

“I hate you,” Eddie sighs and maybe it’s true but Richie likes to think that a small part of the shorter boy crushes on Richie just a bit or else he would have ditched him long ago.

The group splits up to gather their wanted food before meeting at a table that Mike picks near the back of the room. It’s a circle table so that they can all see each other so Richie isn’t too annoyed that Ben and Bev sit next to Eddie because he plots himself in the seat across and stares at the beautiful boy.

They begin their lunch while Bev complains about her final fashion project. Everyone else talks about how they are excited to almost be graduated. Richie keeps his eyes locked on Eddie who catches him and raises an eyebrow. To distract himself, and turn his interest somewhere else Richie dips into his pocket and pulls out his rainbow lighter.

Stan bought it for him as a joke okay. It’s a joke that everyone regrets.

He flicks it once and stares at the moving flame.

“No!” All the losers shout. Richie startles back as Mike swipes at the lighter.

“Fucking chill guys!” Richie shouts back. They’ve gained attention from a few close tables. None of the losers care as they begin yelling at Richie for his stupidity.

“Are you crazy?” Ben yells.

“No fires inside!” Bev chimes in.

“Can’t you go five fucking seconds without trying to burn everything?” Stan hisses.

“You d-dumbass!” Bill says.

“Fire safety Richie! We talked about this a million times.” Eddie shrieks.

“What would Lisa say?” Mike asks. Richie choices to answer that one. To make a bit light of the situation since his friends are insane.

“Yowza Mike!” He chuckles. “Lisa is chill okay. She would never yell at me like you guys did. She’d tell me that my boredom needs to be focused on another task rather than playing with my lighter.”

“She’s right,” Bev mumbles.

“Why do you even have it? Weren’t you forced to get rid of all your lighters?” Ben asks with concern. Richie rolls his eyes.

“I smoke, Haystack.” He deadpans.

“Which is another stupid thing he does.” He hears Eddie loudly whisper to Bev who chuckles a bit.

“You live with that stupid thing.” She says back. Richie butts in.

“If you’re into doing stupid things Eddie. My room is just across the hall,” he flirts but only receives an eye roll back. That’s how it’s always been, ever since Richie first started trying to court the shorter boy. He isn’t sure if it’s his personality or maybe it’s just his tone but Eddie is always blocking his advances. Like honestly how many years is Richie going to have to keep flirting with his boy before he gets the fucking hint.

And people say Richie is dumb. Ha.

“Ignoring Fire Marshall Richie over here I would like to suggest that we eat somewhere else tomorrow, I’m sick of eating food that looks like legit dog shit.” Ben raises his spoon and flips it over as the suspicious looking food that flops down onto his plate with a nasty sound. They all agree.

*

“Maybe you should tell Lisa about the fire this morning and your boredom at lunch,” Eddie tells him. It’s late, dark outside and they are walking side by side back to their apartment after having spent the rest of the day fucking around campus with the others.

“I will. I see her on Thursday,” Richie shoves his hands in his jeans pockets and slows down his walking as Eddie’s legs are much shorter than his. There is a weird feeling in the air as Eddie talks kindly to him.

“I’m sorry I was rude to you today,” Eddie sighs out after a moment and looks up at the dark sky. “I was just annoyed about a bunch of stuff and you burning my notes wasn’t the highlight of my morning.”

Richie chuckles dryly. His palms sweet in his pockets as he sense the serious talk they are having. He instantly wants to make a joke or maybe light that strange bush that just pasted on fire. He looks at Eddie and decides to stick through the awkwardness forming.

“It’s fine, I deserved it for being a flamer,” well turns out he can’t be too serious.

“I know you’re talking about fire but wrong wording,” Eddie smiles and lets out a low chuckle. Richie knows he doesn’t want jokes right now, he wants to talk and they should -it’s just that Richie hates serious talks.

“What? I like the flames. The flames of a flamer.” He jokes again and Eddie laughs louder.

“You’re an ass and I hate you,” He tells the taller man. Richie lets the words sit for four steps before responding.

“Love you too, Ed’s.”

“Don’t call me that,” the smaller boy replies on instinct. Richie takes a deep breath, he focuses in on Lisa’s words of advice about speaking more openly. He choose Eddie to do this on and even told the shorter boy about it two weeks ago when Lisa brought it up in his weekly session. So he listens to her words as he approaches the subject.

“You weren’t rude today, well not as,” He waves a hand, “...as you can be. I know Lisa will make me say this in the future so I’m just gonna say it now,” he takes another breath as he feels Eddie’s eyes on him, they turn down their street. “I’m sorry for lighting your shit on fire and I appreciate that you put up with me for so long even if I burned your notebook.”

There he said it. Fuck you Lisa, you better be fucking proud when I tell you.

“Oh,” Eddie bites his lip as they arrive at their door. “I’m- thank you for that. And thank you for...yeah.” Is all he says but Richie can swear he’s wanting to say more. It’s awkward so he doesn’t push (even though Lisa will want him too). Instead he smiles and leads them into their apartment building.

When he flops into his bed his skin feels itchy and his mind feels alone. He flicks on his lighter and stares at the flame illuminating the mess in the dark room. Richie sees a pile of his school books taunting him in the corner, stacked erratically and begging to be destroyed.

He hears Eddie’s small feet shuffling into his own bedroom across the hall. Richie feels a pull and a push to the yawn that the smaller boy lets out. Richie stares deeper into the flame and when he hears Eddie’s door shut quietly he closes his eyes and releases his finger away from the trigger.

*

“Lisa, what’s up my lady?” Richie smiles as he walks into his therapists’ office and slouches down into the chair across from her. She’s an older lady, dark brown hair and skinny as can be. She’s smart, sweet and also always fucking right about legit everything. It’s annoying. And kind of reminds Richie a bit of Eddie. Then again Richie thinks everything reminds him of Eddie. Like he could see a rock, point at it and say; “yo, that’s like Ed’s”.

“Richie, hello,” she greets him with a comforting smile. Richie remembers the first time he was here, right after the court hearing and the judge ruled court mandated therapy for him. Richie was pissed and forbid to talk to Lisa because she kept calling him fucking Richard. It actually took two sessions before Richie said anything and that was only after Mike mentioned something about him ending up in jail if he didn’t participate. Richie isn’t sure it’s true but it got his skinny ass to talk.

“How is your day going, Lisa? How are the kids? How’s the hubby Jeff?” Richie asks with a smile that Lisa returns.

“They are all well, we are all very well. Thank you for asking.” She says politely. “How have you been Richie? How was your week?” She crosses her legs and sets aside her notepad on the table beside her (once Richie tried to distract her and steal it from her. He just wanted to see what she wrote okay... and then light it on fire).

“Alright,” he answers honestly and his mind goes to the mini fire on the balcony to the boredom in the cafeteria to the urge towards his books to Eddie’s soft footsteps. “A few things happened that you might not be happy about,” he admits.

“Why won’t I be happy?” Lisa is still smiling. It’s not condescending but instead it’s sweet and comforting.

“Because I’m a fuck up,” he sighs and then spills the events of the week. He spares the details like how he saw some weird bird and knew the name of it because of Stan. He leaves out the part where he jacked off three times. He doesn’t mention the part where he skipped class to light a small fire in the woods.

He doesn’t leave out the conversation with Eddie nor the bucket fire nor his boring ass classes;

“because honestly Lisa I just wanna fucking graduate and move to LA or to New York already,” he sighs.

Lisa gives good advice back to each event.

“You lit Eddie’s notes for his classes on fire.” She repeats him.

“Well you see,” He butt’s in before she can say anything else, “I was super fucking horny -here me out!” He whines. “And Eddie was in the shower and I didn’t wanna jack off in my bed because Eddie was nice enough to wash my sheets the day before. So I grabbed some paper and lit a fire to distract from my dick.” He finishes.

Lisa blinks at him with a humorous smile. It’s wrong for her to laugh at his condition but Richie kind of wants her too. Plus, when people laugh at Richie he fuels up on more jokes for later.

“I think that next time you’re horny you should find another solution. While there should be no need for you to repress your sexual frustration, maybe try to focus on your school work for a distraction or going for a run-,”

“I don’t run Lisa,” Richie chuckles. She blinks at him and lets out a sigh.

“I’m afraid that the real reason you lit that fire was because of Eddie,” he rolls his eyes at her, “We talked about this before Richie, I feel that your crush on Eddie isn’t healthy for you to be keeping a secret since it seems to be the cause of many fires.”

He looks at the wall behind her head and focuses on a horse statue sitting in the bookshelf. It’s ugly and Richie wants to point at her and let her know it’s ugly. He also kind of wants to see how long it would take to burn.

Richie hates when Lisa is right.

They have talked about this, when Richie talked about the fire that got him arrested. He knew it was because his crush on Eddie but he denied that it was the only reason for the fire. He also knows that is the reason for this fire was because he was horny and the guy he wants doesn’t want him so he took his frustration out on Eddie’s notes.

Eddie revolves around a lot of Richie’s fires. While he unknowably provokes them he also unknowably halts them. Richie decides to talk about that instead.

“I heard his footsteps and his yawn the other night. It made my head hurt in a good way so I flicked my lighter off.” He tells her; still staring at the horse.

“You’re avoiding the situation and trying to make it seem positive when a long time love for your friend is part of your problem.” He looks back at Lisa and glares at her.

“Love? I do not love Eddie. I just like him okay, he’s my best friend who I think is cute and wanna kiss but I don’t fucking love him.” He spits his words out with anger. He shouldn’t be angry. He shouldn’t. But he is. Oh he is because Lisa is right and she knows it and he knows it and Richie really wishes she wasn’t. It only complicate things.

“I can see you’re not too fond of this subject,” she says after a beat, Richie clicks his tongue. Lisa reaches out and grabs her notepad, she scribbles a few words down. Richie really wants to burn it now “I will write this down for a later session because I want to focus on the fires that you have been setting mostly out of boredom.”

“I’m not bored.” He hisses, fury coursing through his body as her words about love and Eddie circle through his head.

“You said that you pulled out your lighter in the school cafeteria because you were bored,” she waits for a response but Richie doesn’t answer, instead he crosses his arms as he feels his fingers twitching for said lighter. He continues to stare at her notepad that she’s closed up from his prying eyes as his chest begins to itch.

“This is stupid,” he huffs out, “I’m not fucking in love with Eddie.” The words taste bitter in his mouth and he thinks that if he took out the ‘not’ then they would taste perfect.

Fuck, you Lisa.

“I can see that we are distracted by a topic that you have to inform yourself with before we can move on from it.” Lisa sighs. Richie kind of wants to snap his teeth at her.

“I have a few things I want you to work on for next week,” she tries again. Lisa reaches for her notepad to write down the goals she’s setting for Richie. She writes quickly and flips the page as she writes more. “Find a hobby or focus on your schoolwork or your friends to delete the boredom causing the small fires. I also want you to focus a bit on your relationship with Eddie. Make a list, write down your thoughts about him and you and what he means to you.”

She finishes writing and rips the page off for him. Richie takes it and doesn’t bother opening it because the instructions are annoying enough out loud, he doesn’t need to read them. The session lasts about another ten minutes where Lisa gets Richie to stop fuming and even makes him laugh. Well he laughs at a joke he made that Lisa laughed at. He plans to tell Eddie it later.

When he leaves her office he takes a mint from the reception, slips it in his pocket where the goals for next week lie. He pulls out his pack as soon as the rainy weather hits him and lights his cigarette while he pulls up the hood of his jacket. Richie keeps his head down as he walks back home, staring at his blinking shoes and ignoring the excitement he’s feeling about the fact he and Eddie planned a movie night tonight.

*

“Hey, Rich. I’m thinking either Alien or Predator tonight?” Eddie says the second after Richie walks through their front door and kicks off his shoes. He glares at the smaller boy for a brief moment until he notices the popcorn and Eddie’s favorite fuzzy blanket sitting beside him on the couch. A blanket that Eddie dragged out from his bedroom so that they could share it. The tall bastard grins brightly.

He had a plan to cancel this night with Eddie. Maybe actually listen to Lisa and attempt her goals for him. He could grab a piece of paper and write how he doesn’t love Eddie. Well, he likes Eddie. He has a big ass boner crush for the small man but he doesn’t love him -does he?

NO.

He doesn’t love Eddie.

Maybe though he likes like Eddie because his friend is adorable cuddled up and ready to watch a movie with Richie. He isn’t sure right now.

“It will get your mind off your session. I know you can get worked up after them.” Eddie offers when Richie doesn’t answer him. So nice, such a nice caring small perfect boy that Richie does not love.

“How about both? We don’t have any morning classes tomorrow.” He answers and ignores the fact he knows Eddie’s schedule. Then again they are roommates so he’s allowed to know it...right?

“Cool, let’s do Alien first because that will give me nightmares if it’s too late when he watch it.” Eddie moves towards the VCR and bends down in his little too short pink shorts and puts in the tape. Richie let’s himself stare, watching the semi-tan skin of Eddie’s lower back reveals itself when his tank top rolls up.

Why is this boy wearing summer clothes? It’s barely even fucking spring. No wonder he has such nice blankets, he must be freezing all the damn time.

“If you get scared Ed’s, you can sleep in my bed with me and your mom.” Richie teases with an Irish Voice; winking when Eddie turns to look at him over his shoulder.

“I think I’ll just stick to my bed since I wash my sheets more than one a year.” Eddie turns back to the screen and leans on his calves as he flips the TV to video mode.

“Is that all it fucking takes?” Richie can’t help himself; his feelings (which is not love) take over to tease Eddie.

“Is what all it takes?” Eddie doesn’t turn around. Richie shrugs out of his black jacket and socks before squirming down into a seat on the couch. He covers himself with Eddie’s blanket and pulls it up to his chin. He lets a hand escape to grab some popcorn that he shoves ungracefully into his mouth.

“To get you into my bed. I just gotta wash my sheets more often?” He mumbles through popcorn.

“That and stop stealing my blanket.” Eddie tells him as he stands up and glares at Richie. The fire boy thinks for a second how Eddie is going along with his advances.

“I’m not stealing. I’m sharing.” He shoves another handful in the buttery sweet.

“You have legit taken the whole blanket for your long ass fucking legs.” Eddie crosses his arms over his chest. The movie is beginning to play behind him.

“That’s rude but your little short body doesn’t need that much blanket,” Richie jokes. He lifts up a side of the blanket and moves so that there is room for Eddie. Richie quickly ignores the thought of how soft this blanket is and how quickly it would burn.

“You’re such a fucking asshole.” Eddie growls but slips beside Richie anyways. Their hips, ribs and arms align. Eddie slouches down in annoyance so his head is below Richie’s shoulder. Said boy really wants Eddie to rest there. It will be cute and romantic. Not as love because Richie doesn’t love Eddie. No Richie loves black and flames and making weird voices and smoking and making crude jokes but not Eddie Kaspbrak.

“You need more butter on this popcorn next time, Ed’s,” Richie says.

“Shut up and watch the damn movie,” Eddie snaps with no fire behind it. Huh, fire.

Richie actually manages to watch the whole movie even though he’s seen it before. He eats the whole bowl of popcorn -well except for the kernels that he pours over all over Eddie who makes him vacuum it up while he switches to the next movie.

Predator starts to play around 11 at night and at 11:15 Richie finds Eddie’s head resting softly against his side. At 12:34 Eddie falls asleep, letting out soft breaths from his plump lips. Richie finishes the movie by just listening because he can’t take his eyes off the boy he lov- likes.

*

“Lisa said I’m in love with Eddie,” Richie let’s out a breath and watches as the smoke flows from his mouth and fades into the windy air. It’s been four days since Lisa’s last session and Richie hasn’t started on any of those goals she asked him to do.

“I mean, you don’t need a therapist to notice that,” Bev snorts. She’s bouncing a bit from where the chilly wind is hitting her bare arms. She left her jacket inside the library like an idiot. Her, Richie, Stan and Ben are having a quick study session while they wait for Bill, Mike and Eddie to return from class.

“What the fuck does that mean?” He flicks his lighter and watches as the wind keeps blowing it out. He frowns.

“It means that you’re in love with Eddie and the only people who don’t know are you and Eddie.”

Richie really fucking hates that answer.

With a huff at her he drops his smoke and speed walks into the library. He walks towards their table and slams his hands down loudly on the table. He earns glares from surrounding students and a loud shhh from Stan.

“Does everyone think I love Eddie?” He growls, Bev slips back into her chair with a look to the rest of the group.

“Are you not? Why else have you been dating for 9 years?” Ben asks with a shock expression.

“You think I’ve been fucking Eddie since I was 13?!” Richie nearly shouts but Stan sends him another shhh.

“I’m sure I didn’t say fucking,” Ben whispers. “Are you really not dating? Why the fuck is he living with you after all this time then?” Ben mumbles louder.

“Eddie and I are just friends,” Richie pushes himself away from the table. “I mean I like him -a lot- and he’s super damn cute and sassy but it’s not- like- it’s just love okay- wait no! I mean it’s not love.” He flops into his chair and lets out a scream into his hands. The familiar itch fills his chest.

“Hey man,” Mike lays a gentle hand on Richie’s shoulder. He looks up into the dark eyes, “it’s totally love.” He smiles but Richie let’s out another scream which Stan shushes again before he marches out of the library. He leaves his stuff behind as his shoes light up his destination which is located just off campus.

It’s a tree. A tree in the park that Richie takes zeros moments before he lights it on fire.

He lights another coverage and flicks the ashes at the lower dry leaves before leaving it at the base of the tree. Nothing happens so he takes three flicks of his lighter, avoiding the wind, against the ashes of his coverage. Finally the fire starts, slowing before spreading faster and faster. At first he stands there and admires the warmth and the colors that filter across the tree.

It smells like a bonfire as the white, blue, orange, yellow and red flames wave as the wind blows stronger. As if it is trying to stop the burning. Richie stares at a spot on the tree that someone carved into it. It reads, “G + L = Forever” and he smiles as the fire reaches that part of the tree.

He watches it slowly burn as that couples love burns.

The tree isn’t located near any other flammable life as Richie continues to watch it get bigger and bigger and louder and louder until the whole tree is glowing bright with color. He breathes in the scent, the heat, and the smoke with joy. His chest itches with the need to do more. To burn the whole world to the ground. But he’s calm right now. All thoughts of Eddie and love and his issues are escaped as he lets the bright colors reflect in his dark eyes.

“Beautiful,” Richie states as people slowly join around him to stare in awe as well. The Fire Department arrives but they’re too late as Richie has succeeded in turning the tree into a solid black. No colors. No leaves. No love carving of any kind.

“Richie,” he hears someone whisper near him. He turns to the voice. It’s Eddie and a few feet away from him stands the rest of the losers who are also surrounded by students and random bystanders who watch as the fire is slowly soaked down.

“Come on, let’s get you home.” Eddie is still whispering and Richie can barely hear over the yelling of the fire department working together.

Richie looks back at the tree. To see his flames being put to rest before returning his eyes to Eddie. The short boy looks sad for some reason. He has on a bright yellow shirt and dark blue jeans. Richie’s eyes stay on the yellow of the shirt. It’s sadly not as beautiful as the yellow in the fire.

“Richie,” he hears Eddie say again. He looks up into the beautiful brown eyes before blinking to look back at the rest of the losers. They all look worried and sad. As if this tree was someone they loved. As if Richie killed the fucking tree. Which, I mean, he did because it never grows again; it just withers until it collapses on the grass.

Eddie’s eyes blink up at him. They are perfect because Eddie is perfect in almost every way. He wasn’t always perfect, back when he used to wear that medicine cabinet disguised as a fanny pack. He’s perfect now that he stood up to his overbearing mother, threw away his fanny pack and moved away with Richie and the rest of losers.

Yet, Richie stands here before the perfect boy and he wishes his heart didn’t ache for the boy. Because it does. It beats for Eddie but it also beats for fire and smoke and the array of lighters and matches he has hidden under his bed. Richie isn’t perfect. He’s a pyromaniac with unresolved ADHD and no chance at moving on over his 9 year crush on the perfect boy in front of him.

He wants to cry. He wants to scream. He wants to light everything wrong with him on fire but Richie can’t do any of that. Instead he takes a deep breath and looks at a small freckle located below Eddie’s left eye as he speaks with little expression.

“I’m going to class,” Richie says to Eddie and begins to walk away. He feels Eddie’s hand leave his arm that he didn’t even know was clenching it. His skin feels hot there, like a screaming burn on him.

 *

“Hey,” Eddie says quickly. Richie glances over from where he’s lying back on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he lights yet another match. He watches it burn, looking over at Eddie who is leaning stiffly against Richie’s door frame. His large eyes are flickering between Richie’s face, the pile of dead matches and the lit match that’s in the older boy’s hand.

“Hey,” Richie sounds monotone. It’s been around 12 hours since Richie lit the tree on fire and then escaped to a random alley where he lit the contents of a metal trash can on fire where he left it with high flames. It’s around midnight right now and Richie has been back for around twenty minutes. Eddie has been pacing in his own room, obviously preparing for the conversation that is about to happen.

“I think we should talk,” Eddie walks into the room and sits on the edge of the bed with his knees pulled up to his tiny chest, “about the fire today.” He finishes.

“No thanks babe,” Richie deadpans as he blows out the match in his hands and drops it into the dead pile. Eddie stares at the smoke coming from it.

“Lisa would want you to talk.” Eddie whispers.

“Fuck her, she doesn’t know shit. She thinks she knows everything about me -that she’s got me all figured out but she’s fucking wrong.” Richie hisses as he lights two matches at once.

Eddie picks at Richie’s old blanket as he responds.

“I’m worried,” Eddie starts. “You scared me today.” He sounds hurt. He sounds more hurt than he did when Richie almost burnt down their old apartment. No, he was just angry back then, pissed and threatening to beat the shit out of Richie.

Now, now it’s just pure worry and sadness coming from Eddie’s mouth.

“You’re getting better,” Richie snorts at the lie, “You fucking are Richie!” Eddie snaps and gains the eyes of the other boy who blows out the matches and looks at Eddie.

“Ed’s-,” he tries.

“No listen. You’re getting better. You used to light everything on fire, and I mean everything, back in high school. You blew up a fucking car once and me and the losers just stood there and watched because we were so scared,” Richie remembers that day. His dad threw a bottle of gin at Richie’s chest so he went out, blew up a car and then climbed into Eddie’s bedroom to sleep for a week.

“Now, today, I felt that scared today because- fuck Richie because you light small things on fire now, not fucking large old ass trees!” Eddie lets his legs fall down Indian style. He looks at Richie with tears in his eyes. “I don’t want you to get hurt.” He whispers.

“I know what I’m doing,” Richie breaths out, looking away from the sad boy.

“Do you?” Eddie asks in a tone that Lisa would use.

“Yes,” He hisses. Eddie stares at him with an unreadable look.

“Why did you do it?” He asks and opens his mouth again to add something but stops himself as he blinks at Richie for a response. The taller boy looks at the ceiling. He knows why he did it, he doesn’t like why he did it, and he sure as hell isn’t going to tell Eddie why he did it.

“You know why,” he lies, “my ADHD was acting up and I needed attention.” It’s a lie that’s he’s used before. It’s the lie he’s used when Richie lit their apartment on fire. It’s the lie he told the court. It’s almost always a lie because his feelings for Eddie is usually the real reason why.

“The others said you were mad,” Eddie speaks quietly.

“Yeah, mad at my ADHD.” He speaks lazily. He grabs his dead matches and throws them in an overflowing trash can next to his bed before looking back at Eddie who has a look of thought on his face.

“Don’t think too hard, kid,” Richie says with a Voice as he tries to lighten the conversation.

“Oh, shut up you turd,” Eddie smiles at him, nudging his knee against Richie’s foot. “I’m just,” Eddie says in a serious voice, “next time you feel that -come to me, or any of the others. We are happy to help, we want to help.”

“Thanks Ed’s,” He whispers for some reason. His heart feels warm when Eddie smiles at him and lays a hand on Richie’s ankle where his jeans have rose up.

“You’re welcome, trashmouth.” He stands up and leaves the warmth on Richie’s skin as he makes his way out the room. Eddie pauses at the door, turning around in his short pj pants and thin t-shirt. “Goodnight Richie.”

“Goodnight Spaghetti head,” Richie answers, watching as Eddie smiles shyly at him before shuffling across the hallway and shutting his bedroom door with a soft thud.

Richie keeps his eyes on the door, watching as the light turns off in Eddie’s room. He listens to the squeak on Eddie’s mattress and sighs out. He wants Eddie to come back. He wants Eddie to talk to him more. He wants to tell Eddie that he lied, more than once, and that he started the fire because he’s fucking in love with Eddie. Sweet sassy colorful Eddie.

*

“There was a fire near your school the other day,” Lisa states. Her legs are crossed and she holds her notebook in her hand with the pen stuck between the pages. Richie sits with his shoes blinking between them on the coffee table.

“Yeah, I heard about that. It’s fucking crazy it happened where a known pyro goes to school.” Richie fakes.

“It is interesting isn’t it?” She plays along with a fake expression.

“Yeah I was in the library with the fellow losers and then I hear all this commotion and go outside to see a large tree on fire! It was pretty cool if you ask me.” He smiles.

“If I could I ask I would I ask you why you did it,” he opens his mouth but Lisa keeps going, “but I know the answer to it because it is quiet ironic that a tree catches on fire on a cold windy day only a few days after I made you aware of your feelings to your friend. Eddie, who has been a factor in many past fires.” She taps her fingers on her notebook.

“Fucking ironic mate,” he uses an Australian accent. Lisa is anything but impressed.

“The judge told me to inform her of any major fires that could have caused injury to anyone, including yourself-,” she reaches out to a folder sitting beside her and pulls out a paper, “-all I have to do is fill this form out, sent it to her, and then you will do time in jail.”

“Lisa, -fuck- wait I didn’t even do it-.”

“Or,” she tells him sternly, “You can stop lying to me, tell me exactly what happened and I will put the form back into the folder.” And with that she grabs her pen, clicks it and looks at a Richie who is sweating just slightly.

“I-my friends they told me that I was in love with Eddie too.” He admits, “and it scared me and made me angry and I can’t exactly fucking talk to anyone about this so I just,” He grips the arms of the chairs. “Please, don’t sign that goddamn form.” He begs.

“Richie,” she sighs, “this is something that we should have gotten over. Big fires for Eddie isn’t going to win him over, I’m afraid that you’re not understanding that.”

“I’m not doing it for Eddie. I’m doing it for me,” he tells her but he knows he’s doing it for both.

“Did you do the set of goals I asked you last week?” Lisa raises an eyebrow as Richie shakes his head. “Next week, have them done Richie. I’m here to help you but it’s hard to help you when you don’t seem to want to help yourself stay out of jail.” She answers with a stern look.

*

“I look stupid,” Richie sighs as he follows Eddie outside their apartment door. The dewy morning air feels refreshing across his face.

“You look fine. Don’t be a whiner,” Eddie says as he begins to stretch out his legs by spreading them and reaching for the ground. Richie watches him...and whines.

“I totally do. I look like a prick,” he gestures to his clothes, Eddie glances up at him.

“We are wearing almost the same fucking thing,” He answers. Richie looks down at their outfits, his own black joggers that he’s borrowing from Mike and then a weird tight compression shirt that Eddie made him buy yesterday. While Eddie is wearing deep purple joggers that are a bit snug on his plump ass and a white long sleeve shirt.

“My point exactly,” Richie teases as he watches Eddie move from his left leg to his right.

“You should probably stretch, especially since you’ve never ran for fun as long as I have ever known you,” Eddie tells him. Richie just shrugs, he should since he’s decided (after Lisa reminded him of fucking jail) that he should find a hobby and make a list about Eddie. He told Eddie -about the first one of course! - and Eddie woke him up early today with a smile, Mike’s pants in his hands and Richie’s normal pair of tennis shoes in the other. And well, Richie couldn’t say no especially after Eddie straddled him over the blankets and threatened to choke him out.

“I’d rather watch you spread your legs and stretch for me,” he winks when Eddie stands up and bends his knee to grab at his ankle from behind.

“You’re an ass,” Eddie tells him.

“You have a great ass,” Richie winks again, “but not as great as your mom’s ass.” Another wink.

“I can’t wait to see you choke on air and die on this run,” Eddie squints at him with a glare as he begins to stretch out his arms.

“Kinky, I like it Ed’s,” He teases.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie rolls his neck and then sends Richie an evil smile. “Are you ready, trashmouth?”

“I was fucking born ready. If I’m behind a lot it is because I’m staring at your cute little ass,” Richie winks yet again as he takes in a deep breath.

“Keep breathing and try to keep up,” Eddie tells him as he turns and begins a slow jog away. Richie follows him, calling towards the boy who is only about two steps in front of him.

“Try to keep up? With your short ass legs? This will be easy.” Richie jokes but receives no respond as Eddie turns a corner and picks up his pace a bit. Richie follows in suit but barely a minute into his run and he already knows it’s going to end badly.

*

“Ow, ow, ow,” Richie whines out with every step as he moves his aching body into their apartment and flops on the couch, hard.

“I told you to stretch. You’re a dipshit that pulled your hamstring and you continued to run with it.” Eddie tells him with his hands on his hips as he looks down at Richie who is sweating and in pain. Eddie has barely any sweat on him and looks like he could run about 5,000 more miles. Fuck he’s cute.

“Maybe if you didn’t take me around the fucking world than I wouldn’t be so hurt right now,” Richie whines.

“It was two miles,” Eddie chuckles. Richie watches as he shuffles into the kitchen and comes back out again carrying two bags of ice. “Here, I guess we will do a mile tomorrow morning for you to recover.”

“A mile?” Richie shouts as he takes the ice from Eddie and places it on his legs. He lets out a sigh of relief and smiles at the other boy. “I love you, you stud. Thank you for the ice,” he uses a southern accent. Eddie blushes at that and Richie feels his heart beat change. Or maybe Eddie’s blush just coincidentally synced up with Richie’s heart attack over this whole running thing.

“You’re welcome dipshit. Maybe running will work in distracting you from fires. All I have to do is push your limits each time until you can’t move,” Eddie smirks.

“You fucking sadist,” Richie chuckles and Eddie might be right. The whole time he was running he didn’t think of fires except the one that was burning in his chest because he was basically dying during the run. God, Eddie really overcame that fake asthma because that boy wasn’t breathing heavy at all.

“I’m going to take a shower. I have a class in an hour,” Eddie smiles and walks away. Richie watches him go and if his legs weren’t like jelly he would follow Eddie and make a joke about showering with Eddie’s mom.

*

It’s Saturday night and Richie is rolling a joint on his coffee table. He’s going out tonight with the losers’ as he tries to find someone to get high with and fuck. Oh yeah, Richie decided this morning after he lit his napkin on fire at breakfast that he doesn’t love Eddie. He thought he did but Eddie is just his best friend and his closest friend. So, Richie is planning to go out, get laid, and get over this whole “might be in love with Eddie Kaspbrak thing”.

“Hurry up, Ed’s! I can hear Stan honking.” Richie shouts as he finishes and places his blunt securely in the breast pocket of his leather jacket.

“Coming coming!” Eddie shouts back.

“Funny, that’s what your mom said last night,” Richie chuckles to himself, standing up and looking at Eddie running down the hallway. Richie freezes as he spots Eddie because fuck he looks great. He’s wearing baby blue overalls with a white t-shirt that has a rainbow line across the chest. His shoes are black and his ankles show adorably. Fuck, Richie’s in love. I mean- in like? Because it’s just a crush now...not love. Ugh, back at this shit again. 

“What? Do I look bad?” Eddie says, running a hand threw his hair and looking down at his outfit.

“No!” Richie says too quickly, “who are you trying to impress?” He asks, letting out a whistle as Eddie leads them out of the apartment.

“Oh, um, no one,” Eddie coughs.

“Oh, there is totally someone!” Richie exclaims, no jealousy in his body because he’s not jealous, at all, okay.

“Oh look there is Stan.” Eddie says and scurries away from Richie and towards Stan car. The only one of the seven of them who has a car because he’s the only smart one who saved enough money for one. He’s also always their DD because he forbids to let anyone else drive it so that means when they all go out, he’s stuck as the mother hen.

“Hello, bitches,” Richie smirks as he climbs into the car, squishing in next to Eddie and shutting the door.

“Wow, this is not enough space,” Bev groans out from the other side of the car. It’s a five person car, Stan and Bill up front while the rest of them are tightly shoved in the back.

“Someone sit on someone’s lap,” Bill suggests as Stan pulls away from the curb.

“Eddie sit on my lap, you’re the smallest,” Mike says from two seats away from Richie.

“Fucking fine,” Eddie groans out and moves his body up but instead of sitting on Mike’s lap he plops down into Richie’s. The taller boy lets out a soft groan at the added weight but welcomes it all the same.

“Now would be a terrible time for me to get a boner,” Richie jokes, Eddie elbows back into him.

“Did you bring weed?” Bev asks again and this time Richie looks over and can see her soft red hair.

“Yes I did ma’am,” He answers with a Voice. Suddenly Stan hits a pothole and on instinct Richie reaches out and grip Eddie’s waist to make sure he didn’t go anywhere. Which he wouldn’t fucking move at all with how tightly everyone is still packed in. Eddie doesn’t comment though so Richie keeps his hands there until they arrive at the party.

*

“I hate frat houses. So many ugly dicks,” Bev states loudly when they enter through the basement where most of the people are at. The middle of the room is all dancers while the bystanders and non-dancing drinkers are against the walls and near the bar by the staircase.

“See you when I’m high!” Richie shouts to the losers and takes Bev’s hand as he leads them towards the stairs where the potheads are located. He thinks he hears Eddie shouting something but he keeps moving because tonight’s plan is to get high, have high sex and get over this crush on Eddie; somehow.

The night is fun. Richie and Bev find the potheads in the dirty living room and join the smokey area with a distinct smell of weed. Everyone welcomes them with a nod and a gesture towards the bong on the table. They each take of hit from that first before Richie and Bev sit near some girl that Bev vaguely knows and light up Richie’s joint. He takes the first hit and lets out a sigh of relief and a small cough.

They continue sharing it with each other and the randoms that ask for some.

Richie relaxes into the feeling as his body takes in the effects. He leans against the wall and turns to his left where Bev is talking to a boy about hats, Richie feels too lazy to join it. Instead he turns towards his right and sees the girl Bev knows, Jasmine is her name, and smiles.

She smiles back, a pretty girl with dark skin and curly hair. Her smile is even lazier than his. Or it feels that way at least because he’s not too sure what he looks like right now. Red unfocused eyes and a mess of curly hair.

“Hey,” he speaks and his mouth feels light meanwhile his body feels a bit heavy. Richie can feel the beat of the music through the floorboards.

“Hi,” she says, lifting a hand and putting a finger though one of Richie’s curls. “Your hair is like...really curly,” she tells him, staring at his hair.

“Thanks, so is yours,” He copies her moves but raises his hand that’s curled around his lighter and threads it through her tight curls.

“Like curly like how curls are.” She’s way higher than him, he can tell. Richie let’s his eyes roam over her freckles and down to her outfit which is overalls with a pink shirt under them.

“Overalls, more like overoffs,” Richie jokes terribly but it earns a loud laugh from Jasmine. “Eddie is wearing overalls,” he lets his hand drop from her hair and down to the buckle on her left shoulder.

“You mean overoffs?” She replies, still giggling, after a minute of Richie fiddling with her clothes while still holding his lighter. His eyes catch the green object every once in a while and he feels the urge to flick it. So he pulls his hand away from her, Jasmine’s hand is still in Richie’s hair, and flicks on his lighter.

“Whoa,” he sighs as the flame dances between them, the orange glow hits her face and adds even more beauty to it.

“Whoa,” she responds and is watching it flicker as well. Richie can feel his thumb start to burn ever so slightly at the heat but he doesn’t move it.

“Do you like fire, Ed’s?” He asks and looks back at the overalls, flicking the flame off.

“I’m Jasmine,” she tells him, voice slower to ensure that Richie can hear as she leans in towards him.

“Do you like fire, Jasmine?” Richie asks and leans in too. Richie never gets an answer because she is moving the hand on Richie’s hair to his neck and pulling their faces together. Richie lets himself go. Jasmine's lips are soft against his own. They are smooth and plump compared to his thin lips. He hums info the kiss and let’s himself lick across the bottom of hers.

Jasmine opens his mouth and lets Richie’s tongue dive in. She kisses great but when Richie’s hand finds her overall covered shoulder he pulls back. Jasmine keeps her hand against his neck.

“Fire.” He says. Richie looks around the room slowly before shaking out of her grip and standing up.

“Hey,” she calls to him as Richie quietly moves out of the room. Bev no longer inside it either. He moves until he’s downstairs again and standing near the door they arrived at. Stan is here too, nodding along to the beat of the music.

“Stanley,” Richie groans out with a smile.

“Richie, wow you stink worse than Bev did.” Stan tells him.

“Bev! She left me up there. I kissed this girl who had overalls on and Eddie is wearing overalls so I came here to do...,” he trails off, having forgot why exactly he came down here.

“To do what?” Stan asks with a smile.

“Something,” Richie says waving his hand. “Yowza!” He shouts over the music and watches his hand move in the air. “Look at this shit!” He laughs as his fingers move and he laughs again when he closes his hand into a fist and then one last, and long laugh, when he touches his one hand to his other hand.

“Fucking magic right?” Stan laughs along too at his friend’s stupidity.

“Rich!” Bill shouts, stumbling over to where the two boys standing. He’s drunk, nothing too extreme though.

“Bill! Look at my hand!” Richie shouts, laughing as Bill joins in for a moment before chugging his drink in his hand.

“You’re so high!” Bill slurs at him.

High. High, Richie is high. He’s high from weed and to smoke weed he used a lighter which is still in his one hand. A lighter that can create a fire. A fire with overalls.

“I’m gonna go light overalls on fire!” Richie says and escapes into the crowd before Stan and Bill can follow.

He finds Eddie on accident really because as soon as Richie disappears into the crowd he forgot why he went in it. So he tries to escape and bumps right into the small boy who is dancing alone with Mike dancing against someone just a few bodies away.

“Eddie!” Richie shouts, throwing his lighter hand in the air. Said boy turns to him with a really drunk smile.

“Richie!” He shouts back, throwing his arms around Richie’s neck and dancing on his toes to do so.

“Ed’s, I have a great idea.” Richie speaks slowly his face too close to Eddie.

“What’s the idea?” Eddie slurs out. Richie brings up his free hand and gently strokes Eddie’s cheek. It’s soft. So soft.

“I don’t remember exactly but it had something to do with going outside,” Richie tells him over the music. His pointer finger runs along Eddie cheekbone as a blush follows after it. Eddie looks frazzled for a second as his intoxicated mind takes in the words Richie just said. He smiles at Richie and pulls the taller man down a bit more until they can count each other’s freckles. Richie raises his lighter filled hand and rests it on the others hip.

“Yes! Let’s go outside then!” He agrees happily. Richie takes his wrist, untangles their arms, which is almost impossible to do, and leads them towards the door. Richie is smiling loosely as Eddie adjusts it so that they’re holding hands with linked fingers.

Richie laughs for no reason as he spots the door where Stan is still standing. Bill having left by now.

“What are you two up too?” He eyes them curiously.

“We are going to get food!” Richie shouts, his mind suddenly thinking about chips or pizza or chips sounds good too.

“And outside,” Eddie slurs, still gripping Richie’s free hand. The other holds the lighter and Richie suddenly remembers what he was going to do.

“Yeah, and lighting overalls on fire,” he nods with Eddie. Stan’s eyes widen as he looks around the room.

“No! No fucking fire!” Eddie says, yanking on Richie’s hand but he doesn’t look at him.

“Okay, let’s go get food then,” Stan tries, “I’m going to get everyone else, go wait by the car.” He tells the two. Richie nods and salutes Stan as he tries to move past him. “I’ll take that,” he tells Richie and easily slips the lighter from his hand.

“Hey! What did you take?” Richie asks, having already forgotten the plan with chips on his mind and Eddie linked to his side. Stan shakes his head and disappears into the room. Richie looks to his side where Eddie is staring at him, their hands still linked, and swaying slightly with the best of the bass. Richie drags them outside into the chilly air.

“You’re like really fucking tall, did you know that? Like the kind of tall that my mom used to warn me about. She would always tell me to not trust tall men because they would hurt me-,” Eddie rambles on and Richie’s brain has a hard time keeping up.

“Huh?” He states, standing on the grass as Eddie continues.

“And you don’t hurt me but you make me worry. Like a lot. I worry like how my mom probably worried for me when I was younger. Well, actually not that bad. But still pretty bad. I mean really fucking bad Richie.” He rambles. Richie slowly begins to think that even if he was sober he still wouldn’t understand what Eddie is talking about.

“You’re overalls are cute,” he says instead of trying to comprehend Eddie’s words. The smaller man blinks up at him and suddenly Richie remembers his original plan. “Shit! I think I dropped my lighter!” He shouts, letting go of Eddie’s hand as he thinks about how they were supposed to light Eddie’s overalls on fire.

“Stan took it, he probably really doesn’t want us to do it. I mean I don’t want too,” Richie falls to the ground and searches on his hands in knees in the grass, “fire kind of scares me but you don’t scare me when you use it because you do it so well. You just worry me,” Eddie slurs out and Richie looks up to see him swaying a bit more than before.

“Wait,” Richie thinks, his high mind moving slowly and quickly all at once, “where’s the chips?” He asks.

“Everyone to the car!” He hears Stan shout as he leads the rest of the losers out of the party. Everyone wears a blissed face. They all pile into the car as before except Eddie lays on everyone’s lap in the backseat and Ben sits up front as he vomits into a bucket. Stan gets them chips that they eat within two minutes. He drops Richie and a very sleepy Eddie off at their apartment. He waits for them to get inside before driving off.

“He still has my lighter,” Richie tells a tried Eddie who is leaning his full body weight into the taller boy as they stumble into their apartment. Richie’s arm looped around Eddie’s waist and the others hand is gripping Richie’s shirt tightly.

“Shh,” Eddie whispers and Richie chuckles at him. They move towards Eddie’s room and flop down on the bed, both lying over the covers and on their backs.

“Tonight was fun, trashmouth” Eddie slurs out, his eyes already closed.

“Yeah,” Richie answers slowly, letting his eyes slipped closed as well. He thinks of the night, kissing someone who wasn’t Eddie, sinks uncomfortably in his gut.

“It’s always fun with you,” Eddie tells him and as Richie slips into unconsciousness he recalls that his original plan was to get over Eddie yet he’s on said boy’s bed, hand in hand with him with a slow beat in his chest.

*

Eddie is love.

That is what Richie writes down in his notebook. He’s sitting in the back of his persuasion class and writing on the paper instead of focusing on his professor. He’s thinking about what Lisa said. He’s been trying to write down what Eddie means to him but Eddie is just...Eddie to him. He’s his best friend. His Eddie Spaghetti who pretends to hate nicknames and puts up with Richie the best out of everyone.

He’s a tiny man who Richie has been in love with for a while. Someone that Richie tried to get over but instead he got high, kissed a girl and woke up fully clothed and in Eddie’s bed. That was three days ago so now Richie has actually accepted his love. It sucks though, if he’s honest, because it’s love he won’t receive back.

Eddie is colors.

He writes down on the line under the first. Eddie is colors, with his bright style and his bright personality. It’s opposite of Richie but it’s an opposite that he likes. He likes Eddie’s pink bed spread. He likes the lime green utensils and kitchen items Eddie bought for them. He really liked Eddie’s orange couch from before too.

Eddie is cute, cute, cute.

With his hair that he styles some days and on other days he lets it curl naturally almost as much as Stan’s hair does. He is just adorable with his tiny fit body with his cute clothes on it. Eddie has a laugh that is just as cute as the freckles that sprinkle his face. He’s short and with that he is feisty. It is all cute.

Eddie is smart.

He knows almost everything about medicine. While he is going to school for pre-med he’s always know how to patch someone up. All those times Richie’s parents would hurt him he’d climb into Eddie’s bedroom and the boy would fix him up with no hesitation. Richie likes to think he helped Eddie discover he wanted to be a nurse.

Eddie is perfect.

He’s all things if Richie is honest. He’s everything that Richie loves about someone put into that tiny body. He’s perfect in a way that Richie is definitely not. Sure they both have issues, Eddie’s small and deteriorating germaphobic nature yet Richie still struggles with his ADHD, smoking addiction, and pyro tendencies.

Eddie is too good for me.

He writes and sets down his pencil. Richie sighs, placing his face in his hands as he reads over what he wrote. Lisa will be happy he did it and Richie is kind of happy he did something she wanted as well. But it’s sad, because it’s true that Eddie doesn’t love him because Eddie is better than him. Richie is the friend that the others talk about behind his back because they worry. Eddie is everything Richie isn’t.

“Fucking shit,” Richie whispers to himself. He earns a side glance from someone sitting two seats down from him but ignores it. He reads the paper again and when he finishes he receives a pull for a cigarette so with twenty minutes still left in class he grabs his items and slips outside.

The cigarette tastes good on his lips even though he can hear Eddie’s worried voice telling him the side effects. With that thought he walks away from the school and towards the woods where he makes a pile of sticks and creates a small fire. Richie sits there, soaking in the flames and smoke as he blows out cigarette smoke to add to it. He debating burning the paper proof of his thoughts on Eddie but remembers that Lisa will want it. Instead he sits and doesn’t leave until the sun begins to set and the fire dies off completely.

*

“Why do you think Eddie is too good for you? Other than the reasons you wrote.” Lisa asks, setting the list down on the table between them with a soft smile. She’s nicer today, non-threatening and actually comforting for Richie to talk too.

“It’s Eddie fucking Kaspbrak, he’s too good for everyone,” Richie taps his fingers against his dark jeans; matching his jean jacket he’s traded his leather jacket in for today.

“He is?” She asks and Richie sighs as he explains why. Eddie is brave for overcoming his mother and his repressed sexuality through the years. He’s nice enough to live with Richie when no one else would. He’s sassy and witty and stands up for his friends. He gives Richie help on his assignments even though they are majoring in completely different things. Eddie helps Richie with his pyro by reminding him of fire safety at least once a week and now runs with Richie every morning.

“There’s so much more, shall I go on?” He asks with a Voice, Lisa smiles at it and scribbles in the notebook.

“I think that, and I could be wrong but from my professorial observation, Eddie seems to be very fond of you,” Lisa states.

“Yeah, he’s fond of my dick,” Richie chuckles, “wait- what?” He asks once the meaning of the words really hits him.

“He’s been your friend for many years but all the times we talked about your other friends we always come back to Eddie who plays the best friend roll to a new level.”

“I don’t...understand,” Richie says, taping his fingers faster as the confusion from what Lisa is saying itches under his skin with the need to see bright colors and smoke.

“I’m saying that Eddie treats you more than a friend,” Lisa states the words as facts more than as her observation. Richie’s eyebrows scrunch as he looks down towards the list on the table in front of him. Eddie doesn’t like him like that, he doesn’t like Richie. He tolerates the trashmouth...right?

“We got intoxicated,” Richie tells her, “He told me he has fun with me and we held hands until we fell asleep...does that, does that mean anything?” He asks, licking his lips and looking at her. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up at what Lisa is saying.

“Do you think it means anything?” Lisa asks. Richie sighs and rubs his face with his hands as he shakes his head. This isn’t, this is all too confusing. Too much for Richie to think about. Eddie is just- he’s just fucking Eddie okay! He’s a crush, a love that Richie has; one sided.

“I don’t fucking know,” he whines. “I want it to mean things but I really don’t know.” The itch for flames begins to grow in his chest as his brain swims for the truth. Or maybe it’s not the truth, maybe it’s just what he wants to be the truth. He claws at his chest for a moment, Lisa follows his movement and scribbles down a small note.

“I can’t answer that Richie, only you can and Eddie can.” She tells him but he only groans louder at that.

“Then why bring it up!” Richie snaps, standing up while his chest screams and itches to an almost unbearable feeling. “Why make me write this list?” He grabs the paper, crumbling it in his grip. “Why make me think all these motherfucking things about my best friend? Maybe I didn’t fucking love him and you just forced me to think that! And now you’re fucking telling me that he loves me back! Why Lisa fucking why?”

“Richie, sit down,” Lisa tries but Richie shakes his head as he begins to pace. An itch now running from his fingertips to his toes.

“I think I’m gonna go,” he mumbles out, chewing on his nails as he drops his list to the ground.

“Mr. Tozier we are discussing this because I am trying to help you get a better life. Your pyromaniac tendencies have causes and effects. What I am doing is helping you realize your life so that you can begin to fix thes-.”

“You’re not helping anything!” He cuts her off with a shout. Lisa looks unaffected. “All you have done is threaten me with jail time and listen to me bitch. Fuck you,” He growls out, stomping out of her office and out of the building completely.

Richie keeps walking until he’s in the woods a bit further away from his usual spot. He slips in deep into the woods where the trees are canopies and the early blooms of the plants below crowd the floor. His lighter is out as soon as he stops moving, waving the flame in front of a very dried plant that catches in mere minutes. He doesn’t feel any relief as his body still itches for more.

Soon though the itches stop screaming and becomes dull and numb under his skin. The bright colors of the fire hurt his eyes as the plants on the ground catch fire as well as the trunks of the trees. Richie slowly backs away and watches as the flames move more and more across the trees. He feels a bit high, almost drunk, when he exists the forest where he can see the smoke and the now wildfire stretching high and large.

The sirens play in the distance so Richie takes one last breathtaking look before using his running skills via Eddie as he jogs home.

*

The next few hours move quickly and slowly for Richie.

He arrives back to his apartment with a sweating nervous Eddie pacing in the entry way.

“Richie, you dipshit!” Eddie screeches as the door shuts, pushing Richie roughly against it.

“Whoa Ed’s, is this it? Are we finally fucking?” Richie teases, still feeling numb yet light.

“Beep beep, Richie. This is seriously not a time for jokes.” He hisses and grips Richie’s jacket to pull him into the living room where the television stares brightly back at them. The News is on showing a helicopter view of the woods with a red banner at the bottom that reads: UNKNOWN WILDFIRE OCCURS; ARSON IS SUSPECTED.

“Oh, fuck,” Richie whispers. Suddenly, everything falls from him. He feels now, hot, sad and angry. He feels dirty and wrong. He feels like a monster as he watches the fire spread closer and closer to surrounding houses as the Fire Department works hard to put the flames out.

“Oh, fuck is right. Richie, did you do this?” Eddie asks. Richie doesn’t respond as he stares deeper at the screen; at his dumb mistake. The mistake he’s made because he’s fucking messed up with the inability to accept help, and now, now he’s- oh fuck.

“Richie,” Eddie speaks again and Richie looks down at him. He’s in his pj’s and the smell of popcorn is coming from him. He was probably preparing for their movie night; picking out movie choices because he can never decide but Richie will choose for them, gathering his softest and fluffiest blanket for them to share. Now, now he has tears in his eyes and his soft hand on Richie’s cheek.

“I’m so fucked up, Ed’s.” Richie whispers. His heart breaks open as Eddie slowly begins to cry. He knows, he knows, that he did this so Lisa will know he did this. She’ll report him to the judge and then he’ll go to jail- oh my fucking god.

“It’s okay,” Eddie states, patting one hand on Richie’s cheek and using the other to pat at Richie’s chest. “You’ll be okay,” he says but neither of them believe it. Richie is fucked. He’s so fucked and he did this to himself because he’s afraid of his feelings and afraid to take things serious and just fucking admit that his pyro title scares him just a bit.

“Ed’s, I’m so sorry,” he whispers, numb with fear. Eddie shakes his head, pressing his wet face into Richie’s t-shirt. The taller man wraps his arms around Eddie who grips him tightly back. He looks over Eddie’s head at the television screen to see the fire burn.

*

For the next two hours Richie sits with Eddie gripping his hand as they watch the fire being put to rest.

A police officer comes on screen when the fire is gone, burnt and broken plants left in its wake, Eddie wipes his still flowing tears as the officer speaks.

“The fire is safely out thanks to the fire department. The Fire Marshall and Arson Investigator have confirmed that this was not a wildfire and a result of someon-.” Eddie let’s out a choked sob, “we are now doing everything we can to find the person or persons who started this fire.”

It was me, Richie thinks as falls back onto the couch with Eddie’s hand still in his.

*

The next hour Stan and Mike show up to their apartment.

“Richie what the fuck!” Stan shouts, using his spare key and barging through the door. He opens his mouth to yell more but stops when he sees the state of Richie lying on his back on the ground and Eddie’s tear-stained face sitting on the couch.

“Stan,” Eddie says with a choke. Richie watches him stand up on shaky legs as he walks over to hug Mike.

“Shit,” Mike says as he realizes what him and Stan have feared on their way over here.

*

The next hour involves the four of them sitting in the living room, Stan, Mike and Eddie trying to figure out if Richie can be saved. Richie though sits with his back towards the television as he ignores his thoughts.

*

The last hour for Richie starts with a knock at their apartment door and a shout alerting them that it is in fact the police.

They all stand up quickly, exchanging looks but Richie only looks at Eddie. He’s lot crying now. He looks sad, drained even.

“Get the door, Stan.” Mike says, nodding at where Eddie is walking over towards Richie. Stan nods back and slips out of the room. Richie vaguely hears their conversation carry into the room. His name being said with a stern force.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Tozier.” Eddie says.

“Yeah, I am.” He admits, no jokes in his mind as he leans down slightly to kiss Eddie on the forehead. The smaller boy opens his mouth to talk but is interrupted by two large men in uniform walking into the room, Stan behind them with a scowl at their backs.

“Richie Tozier?” The larger of the two asks.

“I love you.” Richie whispers quickly to Eddie. He looks away from the boy’s shocked face as he steps towards officers. He’s numb as he tells them who he is.

They remind him of his actions and approach him. They read him his rights but he can’t hear over the ringing in his ears. They cuff him roughly in his own living room and drag him out forcefully. He looks back at his friends, Eddie sobbing into his own hands. Mike and Stan stare sadly at both him and Richie. He smiles at them to let them think he’s fine, for them to see that he’s okay but when he turns his back to them he knows he’s anything but okay.

*

“Mr. Tozier,” Richie stands up quickly, smoothing out his suit. His lawyer is next to him, standing as well and facing the judge who sits high before them. His hands shake a little as she reads over the paper, sets it down, and look over at him. “I told you I didn’t wanna see you back in my courtroom,” she says.

“Sorry your honor, I missed your pretty face,” He says. Richie hears a scoff from behind him where his friends are sitting. He wants to look back to see their looks of familiar disappointment. Richie’s missed them, hasn’t seen them since he was shipped off to county jail for a week. They all visited though, all except Eddie.

Richie can’t blame him though. He told him he loved him, kissed him on the forehead and then was arrested for the one thing Eddie kept trying to protect him from. Still though Richie misses him and each visit from the other losers always involved him asking if Eddie was okay, if he was mad or sad at Richie. They all responded with a simple “he’s okay”.

“Charming.” She deadpans, “well, since we have already been here than you know last time I let you off nicely with a court mandated therapy session. I have spoken to her and she states that you were moving forward and getting better and,” she picks up a paper and reads directly from it, “discovering that his pyromaniac tendencies were just a cover up for his own emotions, feelings and repressed ADHD.” She sets the paper down.

Richie nods and shrugs in agreement. True Lisa, true. All the time in his cell made him realize that she was helping him. Richie just didn’t like that he was wrong with facts about his life; now though he knows that she was right. That his feelings and that fire itch were just things he need to get out of his system.

Discovering his love for Eddie and running with Eddie; basically anything with Eddie helped him as well.

The judge crosses her arms in front of her, “this is your second offense, an arson felony. You put lives surrounding the fire and the woods at risk. You left the scene of the crime and hid away.” Richie opens his mouth to object but his lawyer sets a stern hand on his arm. She taps her hand and looks over her glasses at Richie.

“The law and arresting officers have suggested 10 to 20 years in prison since this is your second offense in less than a year.” She looks behind Richie where another sob escapes from his friend.

“Your honor, my client and I are suggesting a five year sentence,” Richie’s lawyer calls out. It’s not the best option but his lawyer said that he’s going to jail no matter what, so if they aim lower than he’ll get a lower sentence. Richie doesn’t want to go to jail at all though, but he committed the crime so now he’s going to do the time.

“Yes I’m aware,” she states dryly. “Your therapist believes that more sessions with her could help you. Your friends, colleagues, and professors have said many thoughts and words on you as well.” She leans back in her chair, looking at a piece of paper and sighs.

“I have also learned from your therapist that while you plead guilty for the fire, she states that you did not start it. According to her, and proof from her staff as well, you were still in your session with her when the estimated time of the fire occurred. While you did not start the initial fire you did contribute to it when you discovered it already occurring. Is this true, Mr Tozier?”

Richie’s eyes widen and he looks to his lawyer who gives him a look to remain calm. He tries too and looks back at the judge. Behind him he hears Eddie hiccup and Bev whispering to someone.

“Yes, it’s true,” he lies almost happily. Fuck the court, fuck the law, he could get out of this with Lisa saving his ass yet again.

“And you did not alert anyone of the fire?” She asks.

“No, your honor.” He admits. The judge nods back at him and he grips the end of the table when she picks up the gavel and states his sentence.

“I’m sentencing you to a 5,000 dollar fine in repairs for the forest as well as a 2,340 dollar fine for the labor of the Fire and Police Department. You will continue your court mandated therapy sessions; now twice a week and one step out of line again Mr. Tozier and I won’t be so nice,” she slams it down loudly and Richie breaks into a smile. He turns to his lawyer and hugs him roughly.

“Oh, fuck yes,” he says into the man’s ear.

“I hope I don’t see you again, Richie.” The guy chuckles back and pulls away to shake Richie’s sweaty hand.

“Never again, I’m never lighting a fucking fire again,” he tells him with a smile. The fear of jail lifting off his shoulders and burning away. Richie turns to look at the judge as his lawyer packs up his belonging. The judge catches his eye and sends him a smile that’s sweet and scary all in one. He smiles back, unsure.

“That better be true or so help me god,” he hears from the sweetest voice in the world. Richie turns around and on the other side of the fence stands an adorably dressed Eddie with his arms crossed over his chest. His face is a bit tear stained but he’s smiling nonetheless.

“Never ever, Eddie Spaghetti,” he grins, “hey that rhymed!” He nearly shouts and his friends laugh around him.

*

“I got that job at the radio station,” Richie tells Eddie. It’s been about a month since his court date and due to his jail time he got kicked out of school. Thanks to Lisa’s help and her husband’s Richie got an interview at a radio station where they hired him on the spot. It’s a small job but it helps pay the bills as Eddie and the others plan for graduation next week.

“That’s great!” Eddie nearly shouts as he sets down their bowl of popcorn and snuggles down next to Richie on the couch. They haven’t talked about the “I love you” thing even though Lisa reminds Richie every Tuesday and Thursday. He isn’t sure why he doesn’t bring it up. Eddie has been clingy since Richie has come back him and Richie can honestly say he’s been just as clingy back.

They do everything together from running in the morning, eating lunch with the others, walking Eddie to class, helping Eddie study, watching movie after movie cuddled together, and so much more. It’s an after effect, Lisa told Richie, of a fear that they both were so close to losing each other that now they are back and gripping onto each other too tightly. She said it will fade and they will return to normal once they realize they are going to be okay.

“Yeah, thank fuck for my charming smiles and my hilarious comedic personality.” Richie states as the movie begins to play. He doesn’t remember what it is. He moves down a bit, swinging his jean clad legs onto the coffee table.

That’s another thing that changed, Richie’s style, not much but just a bit. He threw out all the fire related clothing (except for his light up shoes because he would, “rather become an old lady prostitute” than give them up). Now he wears jean jackets instead of his leather one. He kept his black shirts and went out and bought some white ones along with the ugliest Hawaiian shirts that he could find. It pisses Bev’s fashion sense off so much. He secretly likes the Hawaiian shirts too, so he plans to keep them in his wardrobe for himself and too piss Bev off forever.

“I think you mean thank fuck for Lisa since she’s helped your ass more times than I would,” Eddie says. Richie does wish he knew why Lisa lied for him and why she keeps helping him. He doesn’t ask though, instead he takes it and thanks her by actually doing what she acts this time around.

“My ass is doing just fine on its own,” Richie jokes and Eddie snorts

“That’s a lie, your ass would be dead without me,” Eddie says and its true Richie would be dead but he also fears that he’ll be dead because of Eddie.

A week after court Richie was in bed playing with matches, with little interest now, and Eddie came home to see him with them. He yelled for a good forty minutes, made Richie watch some fire documentary and then threatened to choke him. Richie blocked that last one by commenting how Eddie is kinky for liking choking; weirdly enough Eddie let that comment slide.

“Are we watching this shit or not? Because if not I’m gonna go jack off in my room,” Richie says. Eddie tusks at him, “oh, I can leave my door open if you wanna join?” Richie teases and Eddie just rolls his eyes and continues the movie.

“Hey Richie,” Eddie speaks up about half way through the movie when the girl falls for the wrong guy. Richie is never letting Eddie pick the movie again because this sucks.

“Hmm?” He hums, his elbow resting on the arm rest and his head sits in his palm with boredom. Eddie seems to sense his lack of interest and quickly retracts.

“Nevermind, I forgot what I was gonna say,” and Richie wants to speak up but instead he closes his eyes and falls asleep with Eddie’s nervous voice in his head.

*

“Maybe he wants to talk about you two?” Lisa suggests, “or maybe he genuinely forgot.”

“Maybe,” Richie nods, “he just sounded so nervous and now I’m nervous because I feel asleep instead of pushing it.” He sighs, “I think I’m gonna address him tonight about it.”

“You are?” Lisa asks, raising her eyebrows at him. Richie rolls his eyes.

“No Lisa, I’m gonna go touch my wang and ignore my best friend’s/love of my life’s feelings.” She smiles at him. A sense of pride on her face as she writes down in her notebook. It’s a new one now, a yellow notebook that Richie feels less curious about than the older one. He still hates it though.

“One last thing to finish our session today. I wanted to know how often you’re smoking,” she asks.

“Not as much. I think I’m kind of scared to smoke too much,” he chuckles oddly. He still loves fire, but he’s tamer about it. Flicking his lighter or playing innocently with his matches are all he does now. The losers always watch him more when he leaves the room to smoke just to be sure he’s not lighting things up. Richie appreciates and hates it all at once.

“Alright then, that’s a good session today Richie. I will see you on Tuesday,” she grins and Richie walks out with his Hawaiian shirt blowing behind him and his shoes lighting the way.

*

“Spaghetti head,” Richie sings as he slides out onto the balcony where Eddie is sitting. They’ve just gotten back from their morning run and are both freshly showered. Eddie is distant a bit, not talking much and wore his headphones during the run today. Richie knows it’s about the other day so he works up the nerves to bring it up.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie smiles. Richie sighs and dives right in to the problem. Thanks Lisa.

“On our movie night, you were gonna say something but then you forgot,” Richie sits down in the chair next to Eddie. “Did you remember what you were gonna say?” He asks. Eddie thinks for a moment before looking at Richie with a small smile.

“Lisa is really working with you,” he says and chuckles nervously as he gathers his thoughts. “Yeah, I remember. I was gonna ask you if you meant it, that day you got arrested...did you mean it?” He asks; voice small and afraid. Richie looks away for a second to collect his words.

“Of course I fucking meant it, I love you Eddie Spaghetti.” He breathes out, his eyes flickering to Eddie’s small smile on his face.

“More than a friend?” Eddie asks, reaching out and slipping his soft small hand into Richie’s large one.

“The only way I know how to love,” he chuckles.

“You dipshit,” Eddie giggles softly.

“Is that why you didn’t visit? When I was in jail?” Richie asks, running his thumb over Eddie’s hand.

“Yeah, that and I didn’t wanna see you in an orange jump suit. Sooooo not your color,” He teases back. Richie smiles, leaning across the space between them; Eddie doing the same as their hands dangle between them.

“You’re right,” he agrees, “I wish you would have visited though, my wang missed you and I needed to see your face to remind me to keep dogging those shanks,” he jokes and Eddie throws his head back for a loud clap of laughter.

“You’re so fucking dramatic,” he tells him, looking back so their faces are inches apart.

“I’m dramatic? You’re the most dramatic person I met.” Richie tells him sternly and quietly.

“If we took a poll everyone would say you were more dramatic. Catching shit on fire, going to jail, that’s the highest that dramatics go,” Eddie says softly as their breaths hit each other’s lips. “Kiss me?” He asks Richie and just because Richie is the lead of drama, he doesn’t.

“I don’t kiss people who don’t say their feelings about me and mean it,” He whispers and watches as Eddie rolls his eyes at him.

“I love you, Richie Tozier.” Eddie whispers with annoyance in his voice.

It’s good enough for Richie.

He leans in just a bit more at the awkward angle they have. Their lips brush gently at first, a soft new kiss as if they’re strangers. They peck once before actually going for it and pushing harder together.

There’s a beat of difference before Eddie pushes more and more against Richie. He can almost taste the annoyance on Eddie’s bottom lip as he kisses back just as hard, flicking his tongue out quickly. When they pull away Richie smiles and stands up, letting go of their hands. Eddie looks at him a bit confused as he does the same, looking up at Richie’s talker frame. He tries to go for another kiss but Richie movies back with a smirk.

“Sorry babe, if you want more kisses I need a blow job first,” Eddie’s jaw drops open, “I’ll be waiting in my room,” Richie chuckles and walks back inside.

“Oh fuck you and your dick!” Eddie shouts, following him inside and towards Richie’s bedroom.

“With pleasure,” Richie answers as he turns around quickly and grabs Eddie by the waist to slot their lips together. He chuckles into the kiss. Eddie’s arms snake around his neck and he receives a pinch to the back of his neck. He wants to laugh at it but instead he groans loudly and dramatically into Eddie’s mouth. The smaller boy smacks his head lightly and smiles into the kiss.

Richie moves them, accidentally tripping over a stupid pile of empty box matches near his overflowing garbage can. He’ll throw that all out later. But for now, he’s got Eddie. They both fall onto the bed chuckling at each other, themselves, and the familiar yet undiscovered part of their new situation.

“Take out the garbage and clean your fucking room,” Eddie laughs, looking around Richie’s room over top of him. His nose scrunches up cutely when he spits Richie’s pile of old pizza boxes stacked in the corner. Eddie wonders how that tall boy managed to sneak pizza past him so often.

“I think you mean our room now,” Richie teases. Eddie just groans in response before trying to reconnect their lips but they are grinning too hard for a kiss. So, instead he presses their foreheads together and lets them smile happily against each other.

Richie blinks up at Eddie’s face. He chuckles at the fact that he managed to get here by leaving a trail of ashes behind him. It’s all worth it if he gets to kiss Eddie from here on out. And he does, forever. And he does right now as Richie moves slightly so press their lips can press together again.