Chapter Text
Stephanie rolls her eyes. Grits her teeth. Runs her fingers through her hair in agitation. Wrestlemania is approaching, Seth continues to be a problem and HHH is his typical, smug, unbothered self. Men, she thinks, tapping her nails against the sheet with the matches for the night's show before her. Idiots.
The list is put up, the show begins. Stephanie tries to focus. The first match for a beat the clock challenge kicks the night off, with Lashley defeating Marty Scurll with one of his bonerattling suplexes in 2:42. Mojo Rawley fights EVIL next and, although EVIL has the upperhand a fair amount of the match, Mojo regroups and lands a solid strike in the corner with his knee that downs the man, leaves him prone long enough for a three count. Rusev competes against Jeff Hardy next and for every powerful move Rusev manages, Jeff is right there with a reckless move sometimes off of the top rope. It's this that ends him, as Rusev plucks him out of the sky just about and slams him down, stomps on his back, locks in the accolade and wrenches back, twisting him into the super version of the move until he screams out that he gives up, the pain too much to bear on his already tortured back after years of highflying moves and careless stunts outside of the ring leading to their own fair share of injuries. No broken nonsense leading to some ridiculous victory here, not tonight.
A triple threat match that Braun Strowman makes quick work of both Dean Ambrose and Drew Galloway during follows this. Nia Jax wrestles Nikki Bella and Stephanie wonders for a moment if there's some confusion over which matches are Beat the Clock challenges because everyone is rushing, wrestling as fast as they can, defeating their opponents in a matter of moments. For Nia, it hadn't been difficult, especially with Nikki's well known neck injury. The next match is the second in the Beat the Clock challenges and Neville and Sanada wrestle as quick a style as they can, brutally kicking and punching each other until Sanada misses a dive off of the top and Neville lands an enzuigiri that leaves him sprawling on the mat, helpless and weak. Neville locks in his armbar submission and wrenches back, watching as the final seconds of the clock tick away. He puts more pressure, all but yelling in frustration when time runs out and the match is called, neither man succeeding at defeating Lashley's earlier time.
Titus O'Neil and Dolph Ziggler compete next and Titus' lumbering form isn't enough to keep Ziggler down, the man able to escape most of the offense levied at him and hit a superkick or two enough to stagger Titus and eventually leave him vulnerable to the ZigZag and a pin. Randy Orton easily takes out Jinder Mahal next, the man's muscular form not enough to keep Randy from hitting an RKO out of nowhere upon Jinder's weak attempt at leaping off of the top rope onto him.
Becky is in a gauntlet match next, first wrestling TNA's Rosemary. The woman is wild, demented, and Becky only just barely eakes out a win after avoiding The Red Wedding and floating it over into the Disarmer, wrenching back until Rosemary taps out angrily, rolling out of the ring with a hoarse, bitter sort of yell. Charlotte is next and, considering Becky is worn out and a little raw after her match against the uncertain craziness that is Rosemary, she loses quickly to the PPV queen after eating a couple of knees followed by a Natural Selection.
Naomi stomps her foot by the curtain. "You have got to be kidding me!" she exclaims, her match against Becky now canceled since Becky has lost. Green streaked hair flying every which way, she turns on her thick sneakers and stomps off.
Following this is a two on one handicapped match, pitting TJP and Bushi against Rich Swann. The two cruiserweights shake hands respectfully but Bushi ignores the kindness, pacing back and forth until the bell rings. Swann tries to fight to a victory but against two men would be hard for anyone, even with the referee upholding tagging in and getting out. Bushi's punches daze Rich and leave him unable to defend against TJP's heel hook, struggling to get to the ropes but ultimately needing to consider his future rematch against Neville for his cruiserweight title, tapping desperately until TJP releases him, pats him on the shoulder sympathetically before his arm is raised by the referee, Bushi on the other side getting the same treatment.
The final Beat the Clock challenge match of the night pits Goto against Yohei of the Tempura Boyz, and they have as much luck as Neville and Sanada did in theirs, unable to beat Lashley's time and leaving him the all around winner.
Main event sees a ten man Battle Royal, DJZ, Kevin Owens, Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson, Matt Hardy, Jay Briscoe, Mustafa Ali, Sho, John Cena and Jack Gallagher wandering around the ring until the bell rings and, with Gallows and Anderson too sweeting each other quickly, the match begins. Cena and Owens go right for each other while the others slowly split apart, brawling, just for Gallows and Anderson to immediately target Mustafa Ali and eliminate him over the top rope like he's nothing. Sho goes next, Jay Briscoe tossing him thoughtlessly over the top rope and not even glancing over when he lands poorly and the crowd reacts in varying noises of disgust and worry. Jack Gallagher greets DJZ with a knee to the face and Zema responds by punching him, diving into him and pushing him into the turnbuckle, hoisting him up and tangling his legs around Jack's neck and twisting him back off of the post to the apron below.
Owens pushes away from the turnbuckle, shoulderchecks Zema down and grabs Jack, bodying him over the top and laughing mockingly down at him as he's eliminated. Zema is next to go, Anderson and Gallows targetting him next, Luke booting him clear over the ropes while Anderson holds them down to ensure he topples over with no chance to recover in time. Jay Briscoe and Matt Hardy are grappling in the corner, trying to get the upperhand, when Gallows and Anderson make another appearance and send them both over, Matt gripping to the top rope and laughing in their faces while Jay grips his ridiculously ugly jacket, holding on in a struggle to get his balance back. Clotheslines from Luke weakens Jay's grip and then Anderson lunges in and punches at his fists, Luke slamming forward and booting Jay in the face, dazing him enough to cause him to release his grip and eliminate both him and Matt in one strike.
Their attempts at celebrating are short lived when Owens punches Anderson and hoists him up while Cena grabs Gallows by the arm, Owens powerbombing Karl over the top rope on one side and Cena slams Gallows over the side. They then turn to look at each other, falling into this old, familiar circle once more as the cheers or boos to their heart's content. They immediately drop closer and start exchanging punches, Owens moving into a forearm shiver when Cena attempts to get closer. He forces Cena back up, wanting to eliminate him quickly, but Cena fights out and elbows him hard in the mouth, dazing him. Owens staggers and catches him, trying to lift him into a powerbomb position, just to feel Cena wiggle free and dropkick Owens, sending him up and over. He crouches on the apron, struggling to hold on, regain control of his body, when Cena hits him with the soles of his shoes in a dropkick that sends him out and over, giving the final victory of the night to, of course, Cena.
As he celebrates overhead, Owens lays there and stares at the lights, annoyed and frustrated, "Dammit!" he yells, pounding his fists against the mats, seeing Cena's obnoxiously colored clothes overhead as he poses for the crowd. "Panderer..."