Chapter Text
He wasn't crazy. Youngjae knew that. He could scream it from the roof tops but it wouldn't matter because nobody else believed him.
He wasn't anorexic, he just needed to lose a little weight. Not even that much, just enough to fit in. Just enough to be comfortable with his own body, in the cool clothes that the others would wear. He told himself he would stop once he reached the figure he desired so much. He promised himself that it wouldn't go too far. That he'd control himself, and that's what he had been doing.
But not according to his mom, who had found the week's worth of meals hidden away in the back of his closet when he had forgotten to throw it out, busy with his school work. Her horrified face when she realized he hadn't eaten for at least a week straight. Youngjae couldn't even deny it at this point because he was feeling so weak. Yet, he was sure it hadn't been a big deal, he was still fine. He told her so, and after a while she dropped it. She was still suspicious but after telling her over and over That it wasn't a big deal, he was on a diet it's fine mom. She let him off with a warning to not do it again but of course he had to keep going. He still wasn't quite there yet.
The next time he was caught was when she blew her fuse. Youngjae was actually at school at the time when she discovered the new batch of discarded food. Youngjae remained blissfully unaware of his mother's fury until his arrival home. By all means it wasn't much food, Youngjae having actually remembered to keep the constant routine of throwing out the food, but even with one meal hidden, she could easily connect the dots.
It was a nasty fight when he got home. She was screaming and crying, accusing him of being toxic, unhealthy and anorexic of all things. Youngjae yet again tried to reason with her. Couldn't she see that he still had a lot more to go before he could be considered anything close to thin?
“You've really left me no choice Youngjae, I went along with it the first time, but now I realize how much of a mistake that was,” she exclaimed tearfully. “You've grown so thin now, you're all bones.” She reached out to cradle Youngjae’s face with her hand.
Panicked, he jerked back from her gentle touch “I'm fine mom! I promise I'm not doing this to hurt myself, I'm just trying to be healthy, it hasn't been that much I promise!” He said, desperation growing with each word she said.
“No Youngjae-ah, this has gone too far. What you're doing isn't healthy. You're killing yourself with this nonsense! If you refuse to see the truth in my words then I have no choice but to get professional help.”
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So that's why he ended up where he was then. In the lobby of the JYP mental institute, where the surrounding regions sent the people they didn't know how to handle, the crazy people. Youngjae didn't know why his mom thought that this place would help him, despite the fact that he lacked any real problems. He knew she loved him, He knew she thought she was doing what was best for him but he also knew that he don't need this, in all honest he was mad at her. He thought she was overreacting, he didn't need this, he wasn't toxic, and no way in hell did he need to be there.
“Would the guardian of Choi Youngjae please come to the front desk for registration?” Giving him what she thought was a reassuring smile his mom stood up and went to the front desk, leaving Youngjae to sit in petulance in the waiting room.
He contemplated running for it when his mom left, but one look at the burly security guards posted at the front doors made him second guess that plan. While Youngjae detested the soon reality of having to stay in the horrid institution. He hated the possibility of having to fight his way out with those two at the door.
He felt trapped, and in all reality he was. Forced to go along with any stupid ‘self help’ program his mom thought would help whatever problem she assumed he had. God, was Youngjae mad. He was frustrated beyond belief.
“Youngjae-ah? Come here.” He heard his mother call out.
With a reluctant sigh he stood up and walked over to where his mother was speaking with the receptionist.
Looking nervously between Youngjae’s blank face and the receptionist, his mother smiled with what she hoped was a disarming smile, as she tried to diffuse the tense atmosphere.
“Someone will be coming to show you to your living quarters” His mother continued to speak to him, but he was hardly listening. She kept talking, his focus wandered. It didn't matter. He was going to be let out soon once they realized that there was nothing wrong with him after all.
Continuing to ignore his mother, Youngjae looked around again. A man was walking towards them. The man in all honesty, was beautiful. His pristine black hair swept across his pale skin, and while he had rounded cheeks the rest of his body was thin, giving him a regal structure that Youngjae couldn't help but feel envious for.
The man's body image was a possible goal for the future, Youngjae mused as he grew closer. However when the man stopped where his mother and the receptionist stood, he knew that while this man was beautiful, he was like all the others in this damned place.
“Hello, I'm Park Jinyoung, I'll be the nurse showing Youngjae-ssi to his room.” Park Jinyoung, as Youngjae had just learned, sent his mother a charming smile which seemed to calm down her tension quite a bit.
Clasping her hands, Youngjae's mother turned to him, eyes getting misty as she prepared to say goodbye.
Youngjae however made no move as to go towards her in the slightest. He was still miffed about the whole situation. He knew that he'd forgive her eventually when he got back home. He'd be out soon when they proved he was perfectly fine.
Once his mother finished saying goodbye he begrudgingly followed Park Jinyoung deep into the institution. His head swiveled around apprehensively, taking in the dreary view of the building.
“How’s your day been Youngjae-ssi?” Park Jinyoung suddenly asked.
Youngjae paused, a sharp look took over his facial features. “Wonderful, considering I’m here. It’s not as if I’m gonna be here for long.”
A pleasantly surprised Jinyoung happily asked, “ Oh, so you're really committing to your therapy plan?”
“Therapy plan? What? No, I'm waiting for when you guys realize I don't have a problem, which won't be long.”
Concern laced the nurse’s voice, “Youngjae-ssi your life is in danger if you keep up with your eating habits. That’s why your mother placed you in this program, we only have your best interests in mind.”
As they arrived at a closed door, Youngjae glared at the male nurse. “There is nothing wrong with me, I really don't need to be here, I was managing myself perfectly fine.”
Placing a concerned hand on Youngjae’s shoulder, Jinyoung continued in what Youngjae saw as a patronizing voice, “This is for your own good, please have faith in us.” Indicating towards the door he explained, “This is your new room for the duration of your treatment. I hope it suits you well.”
Shrugging the hand off his shoulder, Youngjae walked past him and into the room. He ignored the sleeping boy on the other bed and flopped onto the empty single bed. He briefly looked around the the small space, unsurprised to see how clinically clean it was.
He mumbled to himself, “I’m not crazy, there really is nothing wrong with me.”