Archive of Our Own

Castiel pulled himself up on to the rocks, struggling to get his tail out of the water. The only item of clothing he wore, the necklace of pearls, bouncing against his chest, but finally he flopped successfully down on the sun warmed flat surface of the rock. He had picked somewhere shielded; somewhere humans wouldn't be able to come easily. They’d have to swim or use a boat to get out to the outcrop of rocks and few humans were curious enough to try. The rocks weren’t of any great geological or environmental interest. They were just one of those strange quirks of nature, jutting out of the sea in a semi-circle, like the turret of an underwater castle.

Castiel knew he wasn't supposed to sit out in the open air, but he enjoyed it. If he lay in the sun long enough, until he dried out, then he would have legs instead of his tail. Then the only thing to worry about would be someone finding him in his state of undress.

If Michael caught him sunning himself, Castiel would be in real trouble.

It wasn't as if anyone was likely to find him out here on the rocks. The only one who knew he came here was Anna and she would never tell on him. Anna swam close to the shore; she had even swum beside sailor’s boats, toying with them, darting away before anyone could get a good look at her. To Anna, Castiel’s desire to lie privately in the sun was a childish form of rebellion, one she’d long since outgrown.

Castiel was still worried about the idea of being interrupted, of having his safe haven discovered.

He needed to think and out on the rocks, with the seagulls calling to each other above and the gentle noise of the sea's ebb and flow below, was the only place he really felt peaceful enough to do it. Anywhere else, and he was likely to be interrupted. He didn’t want to discuss his thoughts with anyone else. He didn’t think anyone, not even Anna, would understand.

Castiel reached his hand up to touched the necklace of pearls around his neck, frowning.

He had been given them only a few days before, as part of his coming of age ceremony. They were a sign to potential mates, a promise that Castiel was available and a virgin. They were pretty to look at, but beyond that Castiel didn't care for them. He didn’t care about the value they were supposed to represent. He could think of any number of things that were more important than virginity when picking a potential mate.

Castiel sighed. He was on the marriage market now and soon there would be offers.

He twirled his fingers round the necklace and thought about tugging hard until the necklace snapped. The pearls would fall down on to the ocean floor, they'd scatter everywhere and maybe then no-one would ask him.

He wished that was an option.

There was only one person Castiel wanted and he was so far out of reach it was ludicrous to even dream about him.

The man was a human, with no idea that Castiel even existed.

Still, it had been love at first sight for Castiel. Anna had taken him swimming up by the bay, far closer than Castiel had ever dared go before. It had been nigh time and the likelihood of anyone being on the beach had been low, but that night there’d been a group of men there. Castiel had wanted to swim back out, but Anna hadn’t let him. They’d stayed in the deep water, just watching as the men built a bonfire in the middle of the beach.

That had been where Castiel had first seen him, the man he loved. He’d been the one building the fire, dragging drift-wood from down the beach while the others messed around. He was tall and strong. Castiel had felt his heartbeat quicken watching him.

He’d seen the man again, many more times, walking on the beach or driving his car along the cliff paths that towered high above the sea. Castiel was always careful to stay hidden. He didn’t think the man had ever glimpsed him, not even for a moment by mistake.

It had to be that way, Castiel knew.

Humans didn’t believe in mermaids. They thought they were the stuff of legend. If Castiel revealed himself, he could be experimented on or paraded around like some kind of monster for people to gawk and gape at.

It was safer for him to stay in the water, watching from a distance.

It would be safer all together if he gave up completely on his desire for the human, and found someone of his own kind instead.

That would be for the best but Castiel couldn’t make his heart stop craving the man.

He closed his fingers round the pearls and wished with all his might that something would happen, that fate would smile on them and bring them together somehow. Castiel didn’t believe that he could love, and love as strongly as he felt, if he was doomed to never speak to the man he loved, to never lay in his arms.

Whatever chance fate presented him with, Castiel would take it.

**

“Wish me luck!” Dean called out happily.

Charlie looked up from her computer screen and the program she was working on, frowning at him.

“Wish you luck as you run off to propose to a woman you’ve known for a month? Dean, she’s here on holiday. Have you even talked about this with her?” Charlie asked, unable to keep the skepticism from her voice.

“Doesn’t that kill the romance? I’m sweeping her off her feet,” Dean said, not about to let Charlie dampen his spirits.

It was different for Charlie. She didn’t understand. The girls Charlie went out with didn’t want the same things that the girls Dean went out with did.

“You’re setting yourself up for a fall,” Charlie said, shaking her head.

“Charlie, this isn’t wishing me luck,” Dean said with a sigh.

He wanted Charlie to support him in this. She was his best friend and his business partner. They’d started their computer repair business together right out of school. Dean built the computers, handling all the hardware side of things and Charlie dealt with the software. They’d had each other’s backs for as long as Dean could remember.

If Charlie thought he was doing the wrong thing, what chance was there, really? Dean hadn’t told Sam too much. He’d shown a few people the ring he’d bought, but it was only Charlie that he’d really confided his plans to. He wanted Charlie to be happy for him. He wanted her to believe in what he was doing as much as he did.

Charlie spun her chair around, mustering a smile. She bounced up, wrapping her arms around Dean, giving him a tight hug.

“Fine, good luck! I hope that I’m just a cynical naysayer and everything works out for you,” she said.

“That’s more like it,” Dean said, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders. He hugged Charlie back and kissed the side of her head before pulling away

He grinned at her, collecting his car keys and left the shop, humming happily to himself. Charlie couldn’t dampen his spirits. Dean knew she was just looking out for him, that she didn’t want him to make a mistake, but Charlie didn’t need to worry. Dean was a big boy, he could take care of his own heart and he was convinced this was the right thing to do.

It had started as a summer romance. Lisa had come to the seaside town to get away from everything, apart from men, apparently, because Dean and Lisa had hit it off immediately. They’d seen each other almost every day since she’d arrived, and Dean had known by the end of the month that he was going to ask her to marry him.

It had taken Dean by surprise, how strongly he felt about it. He’d never even flirted with the idea of getting married before, not like his brother Sam who was a serial monogamist. Dean could count on one had the number of long-term relationships he’d had, although he’d had any number of one night stands and he’d always enjoyed being someone’s holiday fling. Lisa was the first person he’d met who he wanted to keep seeing once the summer came to its end.

Dean had picked out a nice ring at the jewelers, a beautiful silver thing with a deep aqua gem at its center. Dean had known immediately that it was the one. It had cost a little more than he’d been planning to spend, but Dean couldn’t leave it behind in the display case once he’d seen it.

He had everything planned. He’d booked dinner for them in a restaurant then he was planning on driving Lisa out to lookout point and asking her privately if she’d marry him.

He drew up outside Lisa’s hotel, pleased to see that she was already waiting for him. She looked beautiful, in a simple white dress, her long brown hair scooped back in a ponytail. Dean slowed the car down to a stop and leaned across, opening the passenger side door for her.

“Ready?” he asked her as Lisa got into the car.

She shut the door and pulled on her seatbelt. She folded her hands in her lap, looking at Dean nervously.

“Can we go for a drive before we go to dinner?” she asked him.

Dean nodded, an odd sense of foreboding settling in his stomach. He couldn’t think of a reason for Lisa to sound worried. He glanced at her as he drove but she avoided his eye, staring out the window. They didn’t talk. Lisa didn’t seem to want to and Dean couldn’t find the words. He thought about driving up to lookout point and asking her to marry him, getting all the nerves and the butterflies over with, but the ring felt heavy in his pocket, like a stone.

He drove along one of the winding coastal paths. It was beautiful, with sun still bright overhead. Dean wished he could appreciate it more but he was focused on Lisa.

“They’re going to give our table away,” he said finally. He meant it as a joke but he knew it had fallen flat before he said it. He couldn’t make it sound light. It sounded accusing.

“Maybe we should pull up here,” Lisa said.

Dean did as he was told. There weren’t any other cars around. He parked up on the side of the road, his fingers clutching the steering wheel tightly. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Lisa.

“We’re not going to dinner, are we?” he asked after a moment.

“No,” Lisa said. “We’re not.”

“Why?” Dean asked.

He felt some small spark of hope. Maybe Lisa wanted to tell him something she couldn’t tell him in a crowded restaurant? Maybe it was good news, not the bad news Dean was dreading? It wasn’t likely but Dean still made himself believe.

Lisa sighed heavily. She shifted in her seat, drawing herself up.

“I know you bought a ring. I know what tonight was supposed to be about.” She looked at Dean and Dean finally made himself look at her too. She looked sad. It wasn’t what Dean had been expecting.

“I love you,” he said. The words hung between them, turning bitter in the air.

“No, you don’t and even if you do, I don’t love you,” Lisa said. “We’ve been having fun, but that’s all. I don’t want this to be a serious thing and I didn’t think you wanted it to be either. It’s only fun.”

Dean didn’t think it was fun. It had all stopped being fun as soon as Lisa had gotten into the car and asked him to drive. He knew what had been coming, but he hadn’t wanted to believe it. He hadn’t wanted to face the fact that he’d got it so wrong. Charlie had tried to tell him, she’d warned him back in the shop but Dean hadn’t been listening.

“How did you know?” he asked.

Lisa shrugged. “It’s a small town. People talk. Someone told me they’d seen you buying an engagement ring. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together, Dean.”

“Right,” Dean said.

He felt numb. He expected to feel something more than that but he couldn’t. He felt as if Lisa had reached in to his chest and pulled out his heart. He couldn’t feel anything but a sucking emptiness. He didn’t know what else to say. There wasn’t anything else to say. Lisa didn’t want to marry him. She didn’t feel the same way he did. What else was Dean supposed to do? Beg her? Tell her she loved him really? It would be pointless. He’d misunderstood. He’d built things up, fallen in love with her and he’d never stopped to ask Lisa what she felt.

His big romantic plans had all blown up in his face, just as Charlie had warned him they might. Dean wished he’d listened to her. Charlie had understood more than he’d given her credit for.

“Take me back to the hotel,” Lisa said.

Dean nodded. He was grateful that she’d asked him to take her on a drive. He’d been spared the embarrassment of having his proposal turned down in public at the restaurant. He started the car back up and turned around, driving them back towards the town. He drove in a complete blank.

It had been only thirty minutes since the time Dean had picked Lisa up. He knew as he dropped her off outside the hotel, that he was saying goodbye to her. This was the end of it. It had to be. They couldn’t go on seeing each other after this. Lisa would be going home in a few days. Dean wanted to crawl into a hole and lick his wounds.

Lisa got out of the car.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” she said before she shut the door.

Dean wished she didn’t feel the need to apologize. It wasn’t her fault. Lisa couldn’t make herself love him and before Dean fell for her, they had been having fun. It should have just stayed fun.

He needed a drink. He needed to go somewhere far away from people and he needed to drink until he forgot. Dean didn’t know if he had a broken heart or wounded pride but right now one felt the same as the other. He knew he could go home, but he couldn’t face Sam or Charlie pitying him. Sam would want to get him to pour his heart out and Charlie would look at him sadly. They’d be supportive but they’d still be pitying him and Dean didn’t want that.

He needed to be alone.

**

Dean stopped back in town just long enough to buy a bottle of whiskey then drove along the coast until he found a secluded spot down by the beach. He parked the car, got out and walked along the sand. It was getting late. There were no tourists out and it was far enough away from the town that most people weren’t likely to head down there for a stroll along the beach.

Dean found himself a spot in the sand. He stared out at the deep expanse of blue and opened the whiskey bottle, raising it to his lips. The first swallow burned but he kept going. He didn’t taste it. He wasn’t drinking because he wanted to enjoy it. He was drinking to get drunk.

Dean wanted the oblivion of complete and utter drunkenness. He wanted to wake up in the morning, bleary eyed and headachy with no memory of the evening before. He wanted to block out completely what had happened. If he could just forget that Lisa had broken up with him, if he could just stumble home and start again as if everything was fine, then Dean would be alright.

He could return the ring quietly to the jewelers. He could get his money back.

Dean swallowed another mouthful of whiskey. He thought about all the things he could buy with the money. He could get a new game console. He could stockpile spare parts for his car in case anything happened to her. He could keep buying whiskey until every day was spent in a nicely drunken haze.

Already he could feel the buzz that came from alcohol. He felt hot and his body didn’t feel as if it was completely under his control. Dean stopped drinking and held the bottle up in front of his face. At least a quarter of it was gone already.

He put the lid back on and placed the bottle in the sand beside him. He’d drink a bit more in a moment. He didn’t want to drink it too quickly and end up vomiting. He didn’t want to drink too much either and end up poisoning himself. He just wanted to drink exactly the right amount to fall asleep under the stars.

The world tomorrow would be brighter, better. It had to be.

Dean reached into his pocket and took out the little jewelry box. He opened it and looked down at the beautiful ring. It was like being stabbed in the heart.

He picked the ring out of the box and stood up, walking unsteadily towards the sea. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He just had a vague idea about throwing the ring away. He’d send it into the ocean, let the tide carry it away and take Dean’s hopes and dreams with it. If he threw away the ring, he could throw away the pain he felt when he saw it. Dean was certain of that.

He lifted up his arm and hurled the ring as far as it would go into the sea. It glinted in the late evening sun and as it hit the water, Dean remembered with a rush just how much he’d spent on it and the fact that he needed that money back. Hadn’t he just been telling himself all the things he could buy with that money? Even if he didn’t spend it, he could put it back in his account for a rainy day. He didn’t need to throw something so expensive away in what was a meaningless show. He wasn’t a character in a film. He worked for a living.

Dean waded in to the water, cursing himself. The water was colder than it looked from the shore, or maybe that was just the alcohol in Dean’s system talking but by the time he’d got hip deep he was shivering.

Part of him thought he should go back to the shore. The tide would wash the ring in or Dean could go back, wait until he’d sobered up and try again. The other part of him, the part Dean was listening too, was thinking about how if he didn’t look for it right now, the ring would drift off to China or somewhere and he’d be left heartbroken and out of money.

He struggled out deeper, the water rising up to his chest and when he reached where he thought the ring had fallen, he swallowed a great gulp of air and dived. The water was freezing. Dean gasped, losing half of his air and shut his mouth quickly. His eyes stung but he kept them open, forced himself to and kicked out, propelling himself downwards towards the seabed.

He grabbed out, pulling up rocks, bits of seaweed but nothing that looked like his ring. Again he told himself he should go back to the beach but Dean couldn’t shake the part of him that felt if he just kept looking, he’d find it.

He swam back to the surface, took in another breath of air and then dived again. He spent longer down this time; even more determined that he wouldn’t leave the water without finding the ring.

Finally, just as his lungs were starting to burn and Dean was about to kick up to the surface again, he saw something on the sea floor that was certainly not a rock or anything like that. He reached out, his fingers curling around the lost engagement ring. He’d found it, just like he thought he would.

He swam upwards, gasping for breath and looked around him. It had grown dark while Dean was searching for the ring. It seemed to have taken him longer than he’d thought. He was a long way from the shore and drifting. He was being carried out by the current. Dean had been so focused upon finding the ring that he hadn’t even noticed that he was drifting deeper and deeper into open water.

Dean clutched the ring tight in his hand and started trying to paddle back to the shore. It didn’t seem to get any closer. He started kicking harder but the more he tried the further away he seemed to get. He was cold, shivering again and in deep water. Every shark movie Dean had ever seen came back to him and he was almost certain he saw something darting through the water. Any moment now something was going to reach up and grab his foot, drag him down to be eaten alive and no one would ever know.

Dean struck out valiantly for the shore again, determined not to be the first five minutes of Jaws.

He kicked and struggled, his legs starting to burn and Dean could feel that he was getting tired. His furious attempts at swimming hadn’t got him any closer to the safety of the beach and he remembered, with a sinking feeling in his stomach, that sharks were attracted by noise and splashing. He remembered watching one of Sam’s nature documentaries with him. He’d only sat down because it had been about shark attacks. Now he wished he hadn’t.

Dean floated in the water, trying to stop thinking about sharks or anything else in the water. It was ridiculous. Shark attacks were rare. He had to focus on getting back to shore safely. What should he do? Try shouting? Would anyone hear him? Probably not. He could go limp and let the current take him. It might take him down the coast, closer to people or back in, but Dean was worried it would just want to take him further out to sea.

He could keep treading water, keep awake and soon things would change. Eventually the sun would rise again and the tide would turn. People had survived in the sea overnight. Dean was just working on the worst case scenarios, wasn’t he? The water couldn’t be really dangerous, could it? People didn’t drown in places they’d been swimming their whole lives. Only they did and Dean knew they did. They drowned when they went out too far, when they’d been drinking, when they exhausted themselves.

Dean had done everything he shouldn’t have done.

His limbs were growing cold. He could go into shock, Dean realized, or become hypothermic. He needed to keep moving.

He made another feeble attempt to get to the shore. He didn’t get anywhere. He bobbed up and down in the sea, at the mercy of the water. The water that had looked so blue in the daylight was black now. As Dean looked down at it, the water rose up in a wave and crashed down over his head. He gasped and snorted, taking in water. He was sinking. His legs felt like dead weights. He struggled to breath, struggled to swim but the water was everywhere, holding him down and suffocating him.

Dean knew this was it. He was going to drown.

He still fought against it. He wasn’t willing to die easily. He had only a glimmer of hope that he might make it back to the surface, but he was going to try.

He kicked and thrashed, his lungs burning, feeling useless as his vision started to cloud over. He was going to black out, he realized. In a very few seconds, he wouldn’t be conscious.

It was then, out of the corner of his eye, that he saw the movement. It was a little flash of something in the blackness. Bitterly, Dean wondered if he was going to end up as shark food. He was dying anyway, why not end up dinner for something else? He wouldn’t care at all in a few seconds. Sam might be upset that there were only bits of his body left to bury but Dean couldn’t do much to help that.

A moment later a face appeared in front of him. It was a beautiful face, Dean registered that much. He wasn’t capable of registering much else apart from the fact that the other person in the water with him was male. There was another man down there. Another drowned soul? Or maybe a rescuer? Dean didn’t know.

The man brought his hands up to cup Dean’s face and then pressed their lips together in a sudden, unexpected kiss. It was a kiss of life because Dean’s lungs weren’t burning any more. He was still weak, still dizzy and disorientated but he had oxygen. The man wrapped his arms around Dean. He was strong, Dean felt safe in his arms and he thought the man had to be a lifeguard or something like that. The guy started to kick and a moment later they broke the surface of the water.

Dean gasped, taking in great gulps of air. He had nearly died. He could see that with clarity now. He could also see how stupid he’d been. Sam would never have forgiven him. Knowing Sam, he would have found a way to contact Dean’s spirit just to lecture him about the careless way he’d died.

It helped Dean to focus, thinking of Sam. He thought of his brother at home, probably wondering where Dean was. Dean wanted to be home. He wanted to hug Sam and promise him he’d never drink again. He wanted to lie down on the ground and kiss the earth because it was safe and good. Dean didn’t think he ever wanted to go swimming again.

His rescuer started pulling Dean towards the shore, his strokes practiced and easy. After the trouble Dean had had, he marveled at how the guy was able to pull not only himself but Dean through the water as well. He tried to help, kicking his legs feebly but he was too exhausted to do much good. Eventually he stopped and just let himself be pulled along. Given how most of Dean’s bright ideas had turned out that evening, he’d probably end up nearly drowning them again if he kept attempting to help.

They reached the shallows and Dean’s rescuer seemed to lose all of his strength, flopping down into the water and crawling towards the sand. Dean was still tired but this bit he could do. He was on dry land again, his legs and arms worked the way he wanted them to. He crawled until he was on the warm sand and then collapsed on to his back, gazing up at the sky he thought he’d never see again.

He opened his hand and looked down at the engagement ring that had been the cause of his near death experience. It looked like such a small thing suddenly, not worth losing his life over.

His rescuer was still lying in the shallow water and Dean took a moment to take a good, long look at him. He was younger than Dean had thought he was and now in the moonlight, he had a clearer view of him than he had underwater. He had dark hair that was plastered down to his forehead. His eyes were blue and his lips were very pink, probably from that kiss he’d given Dean earlier.

His cheeks were flushed and he was panting hard. He didn’t appear to be wearing any clothes, apart from a gaudy pearl necklace and what appeared to be half a scuba suit, but only from the waist down. Dean knew he’d swallowed a lot of seawater because it almost looked as if the guy had fins.

Dean had no idea where the guy had come from. He wasn’t someone Dean recognized from the town and it was small enough that he knew pretty much everyone by sight. It made it easier to pick out the new faces down for the summer season. The guy seemed slightly familiar to Dean, as if he’d seen him once or twice before but only glimpses of him and Dean couldn’t remember where he’d seen him. He must be a tourist.

It didn’t explain what he was doing on the beach or why he was wearing the weird things he was, but Dean had never been happier to see anyone in his life.

He looked down at the ring again then back at the guy.

“Hey,” he said, his voice rough. He coughed, worrying he was never going to be rid of the taste of seawater. He forced himself to get up, his legs shaking and crawled over to the guy. “What’s your name?”

The guy’s eyes widened and for a moment he looked terrified. Dean could understand why. He’d saved Dean’s life. Dean just wanted to thank him and then name his future children after him.

“I’m Castiel,” he said finally.

It was a weird name, which meant he probably was a tourist then.

Dean grabbed hold of his hand, holding it tightly in his own. “You saved my life out there, man. I was going to drown. I think you deserve this.”

He took the ring and slipped it on to the guy’s finger. It might be a bit girly but he was talking to a guy wearing a string of pearls. He’d probably appreciate it and even if he didn’t, he could sell it. The money would be a reward for his kind deed.

The guy looked down at the ring on his finger. For a moment, Dean was sure he was going to refuse but then he smiled. It was a wonderful smile. It made his whole face light up. He looked impossibly happy. Dean didn’t think that the ring would mean all that much to him, but obviously it did.

“I’ll never take it off,” the guy, Castiel, said, looking up at Dean. He sounded so solemn, as if he was reciting a vow. Dean was left not knowing what to say.

Then Castiel reached up, touching the pearls around his neck. He pulled them off and shuffled slowly towards Dean. It seemed hard for him. He’d been so graceful in the water, so powerful, but on land he seemed uncoordinated. Dean met him half way and Castiel beamed at him again. He looped the necklace over Dean’s head, sitting back to admire the sight of Dean in them.

Dean looked down at the string of pearls. Up close, they looked real.

“Thanks,” he said awkwardly. “But pearls really aren’t my thing. Besides, you saved my life. I don’t need anything from you. I should be the one giving you things.”

“No,” Castiel said. He placed his hand on Dean’s chest, over Dean’s heart. “You have to keep them. They’re yours now. I’m yours now.”

“What?” Dean asked. He wondered if this was a translation issue, if Castiel’s English wasn’t very good. Castiel seemed to know what he was saying though. He seemed to be convinced of it.

“They signify that I chose you,” Castiel said, looking at Dean proudly. “Like you chose me.”

He leaned closer to Dean, smelling of salt and the briny depths of the sea and he kissed Dean. This time it was slow, soft. Castiel’s lips were chapped, Dean noticed. He was too shocked to notice very much else apart from the kiss and the feel of Castiel’s mouth against his own. Castiel must spend a lot of time in the water. He should invest in some lip balm, Dean thought.

The whole thing was surreal and Dean was still half-drowned. He didn’t have the wherewithal to think straight.

Castiel pulled back, looking at Dean with such longing that it almost broke Dean’s heart. Then, as suddenly as he’d appeared in front of Dean, he was gone. He was back in the water and Dean, not believing his eyes for a moment, could swear that he’d seen Castiel flick out a long fish tail as he dived back into the water.

Dean staggered up the beach towards his car. He sunk down in the soft sand, giving up a few meters away from reaching the Impala and resolved to sleep there. He was in no danger of drowning now. He was far away from the sea. It wasn’t going to creep up and steal him back. He needed to lie down. He needed to sleep.

He was seeing things. He had to be.

Whatever Castiel was, he couldn’t be real.

**

Dean woke up slowly. He registered the sand beneath him first. It was hot and uncomfortable and half of the beach seemed to have climbed into his boxer shorts while he was asleep. His mouth was dry, his body ached. His head was pounding. When he opened his eyes, the sunlight was too bright.

He tried to remember what had happened last night. Everything was a blur. From the taste in his mouth, Dean gathered he’d been drinking and also swimming. It tasted as if he’d started on whiskey shots that he’d followed up with seawater.

He got unsteadily to his feet, hunting in his pockets for his car keys, relieved when he found them. He couldn’t find his wallet though. That seemed to be missing.

He’d drive back to town. He’d drive slowly because he really felt sick. He’d call Charlie, tell her he couldn’t come in then he’d go hide in bed until his headache went away. He could pull the covers over his head and block out all the sunlight. Maybe when he felt human again, he’d take a shower and wash all the sand off him.

He got as far as the Impala before he remembered the reason he’d been out on the beach, trying to drink himself into oblivion.

Lisa.

He’d asked Lisa to marry him and she’d turned him down.

Dean felt ill. He leaned heavily against the Impala, wishing he’d stayed in the blissful state of ignorance. It still hurt. It hurt badly. Dean wasn’t only going to be nursing a hangover; he was going to be nursing a broken heart as well. He didn’t want to call Charlie. She’d want to know what had happened. He’d try to get Sam to call in for him. It was childish, avoiding Charlie, but Dean felt like hell and he didn’t want to feel worse.

He could tell her everything tomorrow, but today he just needed to recover.

Dean unlocked the car, getting in to the driver’s seat. His shoes were slightly wet, uncomfortably so, and Dean didn’t relish the drive back to town in them. The rest of his clothes were dry thankfully.

Dean reached up; adjusting his rear view mirror and that was when he got a good look at himself. He looked like he’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. He was also wearing a necklace of pearls which Dean was pretty sure had not been something he’d decided to put on before meeting Lisa last night.

Another memory surfaced in his mind of bright blue eyes and chapped lips pressed determinedly against his. Dean felt as if he couldn’t breathe for a moment, his chest tightening up. Then he remembered everything. He remembered throwing the engagement ring in to the sea and being stupid enough to go in after it. He remembered thinking he was going to drown.

He remembered being saved by beautiful, otherworldly Castiel.

He’d given the engagement ring to Castiel and got this necklace of pearls back in exchange. Dean was pretty sure there’d also been some kissing. He was also struck by the certainty that Castiel hadn’t been human.

It didn’t make any sense. Dean must have swallowed a lot of seawater. That was the only way to explain half of what had happened to him last night. His memory was playing tricks on him. Dean had nearly drowned. He wasn’t the best person to confirm what had actually happened to him out there in the ocean. People who had near death experiences believed all sorts of crazy things had happened to them.

He reached up and took the pearls off, looking at them closely. They were stunning and Dean suspected that they were real. If they were, they’d be worth more than the ring Dean had given Castiel. Dean put the pearls in the glove compartment, shutting them in so he didn’t have to look at them. It made him feel guilty thinking about them. Castiel had saved his life. He shouldn’t have given Dean anything and certainly not something worth more than the thank you gift Dean had given him.

Dean slid the keys into the ignition and turned the car on. The Impala’s purr as she started up was soothing to Dean. It was normal, something he understood. He reversed and slowly made his way back to town, driving carefully and trying to shield his eyes from the sun. In his mind he kept replaying over and over the moment on the beach where Castiel had disappeared back into the water.

He had been something else, a creature from the deep. Even though it sounded impossible in Dean’s head, it was the only thing that made sense to him.

It wasn’t exactly comforting to think about being rescued by something that should exist only in fairy tales. No one was ever going to believe him.

Dean didn’t even believe himself.

**

Dean had hoped Sam would have gone to work already. He’d also hoped that his brother wouldn’t have noticed that Dean hadn’t been home the night before. He realized as he quietly opened the front door and tiptoed in to the house, that that wasn’t the case. Sam was standing in the living room, a map thrown open on the coffee table in front of him. He was talking agitatedly to someone on the phone.

“I don’t know where he’d go! His car isn’t here. Charlie hasn’t seen him. He’s not at work. Rufus said he came in the store last night, bought a bottle of whiskey and took off!” Sam paused for a moment, listening to the person on the other end of the line. He shook his head impatiently. “No, Jody. I am not overreacting. He’s not shacked up with someone. It’s nearly midday!”

Dean had no idea it was so late. He thought it was early in the morning but apparently he’d been passed out on the beach for some time before he’d woken up. It hurt a little, to know that he’d almost drowned and that Sam could have been making this very same phone call to Jody with a completely different result.

Dean coughed. He figured Sam deserved to know he was alive before he tried to call the National Guard to come search for him.

Sam turned round quickly. His expression went from one of worry, to jubilation and then on to annoyance faster than Dean would have believed possible.

“Jody, he’s back,” Sam said. “I’m sorry for bothering you. Yeah. Have a good day too.”

He put the phone down and looked at Dean, obviously waiting for an explanation about where he’d been and what he’d been doing.

“You almost look disappointed to see me,” Dean said. “Where you looking forward to getting a search party together?”

“Just where were you? It’s after 12, Dean. Charlie phoned up here because you hadn’t gone in. I checked your room. I called Lisa’s hotel. I went round all your favorite haunts and only Rufus had seen you. What happened last night?”

Dean sighed. He didn’t want to talk about it but he wasn’t going to get that choice. Sam deserved the truth. He’d been here in the house worrying about Dean, doing his best to find him. If Dean hadn’t taken the car, Sam would probably have been out driving around, looking for him. Dean wondered if he’d had time to make up posters yet. They probably said “Missing: Brother. Answers to Dean. Approach with caution if found.”

“I’m fine Sam. Lisa and I just broke up last night,” Dean said, toeing off his shoes. He wiggled his toes. There was sand between his toes and he really wanted a shower before he crawled into bed.

“Oh,” Sam said softly. All his anger melted away and a moment later, Dean was enveloped in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I know you really liked her.”

Dean patted his brother on the back awkwardly. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Sam to hug him. He did and he was glad of Sam’s sympathy. It was just that his whole body ached. He was gross, sandy and in need of a shower. Hugging wasn’t very high up his list of priorities at the moment. He eased Sam away from him gently.

“Yeah, it sucks,” he agreed. It was bigger than that, more important than that, but Dean couldn’t get the words out. They stuck in his throat.

Sam looked at him for a long moment. He looked as if he was about to call Dean on his bullshit and tell him to just pour it out, which wasn’t something Dean could do. There were people he could show his pain to and then there was the little brother he’d practically raised. Dean had always had to be strong for Sam, even when Sam stopped needing him to be.

He watched Sam guardedly. Finally, Sam sighed, pulling back and clapping him lightly on the shoulder instead.

“Where did you go last night? Rufus said you bought some whiskey from him? Did you just go and sleep it off in the car?”

“Not quite,” Dean said. “I drove down the coast and parked up by the sea. I sat on the beach for a while.”

“Did it make you feel any better?” Sam asked. He sounded so horribly sincere. Dean would have asked sarcastically if it had been him. It sounded so unmanly, going to sit on the beach and watch the sunset go down because he’d got his heart stamped on.

“No,” he said tersely. “I got drunk, went swimming and nearly drowned.”

Sam looked horrified.

“What do you mean you nearly drowned?” he asked.

“What does it sound like? I nearly drowned. I couldn’t get back in, there was water up over my head, I was blacking out and then some guy came out of nowhere and saved me!” Dean said, the words coming out in a rush. He’d meant to tell Sam slowly, maybe a few weeks after the event.

He didn’t mean to blurt it out all at once but he couldn’t take Sam’s earnest questions and sad, softened glances. He knew Sam wanted to help but Dean would have felt better if he could just take him out for a beer, put something loud on the jukebox and tell Dean that these things happened.

Sam wasn’t like that though. The color had drained from his face. Dean felt horrible. He wished he’d just kept his mouth shut and let Sam fuss over him.

“Look, I’m fine!” he said. “I was saved. There’s no lasting damage.”

“So some guy came along and ran in to help you?” Sam asked. He sounded confused.

Dean didn’t blame him. He hadn’t really put things together properly.

“No,” he said slowly. “It was a sea-angel, Sam.”

Sam stared at him. Dean knew how mad that sounded. He could hear the words coming out of his mouth but it was honestly what he believed. The guy in the sea hadn’t been real. He’d been something from another world, something mystical. He’d saved Dean’s life. What else could he call him but an angel?

“Do you mean a mermaid? Just how much have you had to drink?” Sam asked.

Dean sighed. He knew that was what Sam would think. Maybe it was even true. Dean had been drinking a lot and he’d swallowed a lot of seawater. It was just that he was so certain the man was something mythical.

“I…he…I know what I sound like, Sam. I do know,” he muttered.

“I’m sure this guy did save your life, Dean, but if you nearly drowned you probably weren’t even aware of what was going on,” Sam said softly. “You should go to bed. I’ll call for Adam to come and take a look at you.”

“I don’t want to see Adam,” Dean said, knowing he sounded like a peevish child.

“Dean,” Sam said with a sigh. “He’s a nurse. He’ll know if you need to go to hospital or not.”

“Fine, whatever,” Dean said, starting to climb the stairs. “I’m getting in the shower and then I’m going to bed. Adam can do his examination while I’m asleep for all I care!”

“I see your near death experience has improved your charming personality,” Sam said, rolling his eyes.

Dean flipped him off and carried on upstairs. Sam was probably right. Dean couldn’t just go around telling people he’d been saved from drowning by a sea-angel or a mermaid. Castiel had probably just been a regular, extremely strong and beautiful tourist who’d saved Dean’s ass from a watery grave.

Most of what Dean remembered was probably just his mind trying to fill in the blanks and coming up with things from TV shows he’d seen or stuff he’d read. It would all be down to the power of suggestion and false memory. Sam could probably tell him about it in more detail, or maybe Adam would when he came over.

Dean groaned. The only thing worse than being lectured by Sam was being lectured by Adam. The two of them always ganged up on him. It wasn’t fair.

**

Dean had finished showering by the time Adam arrived. Dean consented to being poked and prodded. His younger brother checked his pulse, examined his head for any bumps and asked Dean to describe how he felt.

“You’re lucky,” he said as he finished his check-up. “There doesn’t seem to be any damage.”

“Thanks,” Dean muttered.

He wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. He didn’t want to listen to Adam any more than he wanted to listen to Sam. He rolled over and pulled the covers up over him, hoping that Adam would take that as an indication that it was time to leave.

“You shouldn’t have done it,” Adam said, missing his cue to walk away. “I’m not going to sugar coat it. If you tried to kill yourself, you need to get help, Dean.”

Dean sat up, staring at Adam.

“What? What makes you think I tried to kill myself?” he asked.

“Sam said you’d broken up with your girlfriend. It’s not as if people don’t do it, especially if things seem really bad,” Adam said defensively.

Dean sighed. He should have known Sam would have told Adam everything before sending him up to see Dean.

“Adam, I didn’t try to kill myself. I got drunk and did something stupid.”

“Okay,” Adam said. “You know you can always talk to me or Sam, right? Or to someone impartial?”

“Adam,” Dean groaned, at the end of his patience. “I am fine. I just want to go to sleep. I’m not planning to hurt myself, I don’t want to die. I just want to go to sleep. Is that okay with you?”

Adam looked at him, obviously unimpressed by Dean’s outbursts. “I’ll tell Sam there’s nothing to worry about then,” he said.

He got to his feet, picking up his nursing bag. Dean tried not to feel guilty about snapping at him. He felt guilty about so many things. He hadn’t meant to worry Sam. He hadn’t meant to yell at Adam. He just wanted them to leave him alone and let him lick his wounds in private. He knew how stupid he’d been. He didn’t need anyone to remind him.

“Look, Adam,” Dean said, looking for a way to explain. “I really didn’t do it on purpose. I just got drunk. You must have seen people do stupid things when they’re drunk, right?”

“Yes and sometimes they die when they do them,” Adam said. He paused in the doorway of Dean’s room, turning back to look at him. “I don’t want to go to your funeral, Dean, at least not until I’m 90.”

“I’ll keep that in mind and try to make it past 100 for you,” Dean said, a smile crossing his lips.

Adam smiled back. He left then, shutting the door behind him.

Dean settled back down in bed, pulling the covers up over his head. He fell asleep easily. He was too exhausted to stay awake. Not even the guilt about making his brothers worry or the strange fascination that was Castiel could keep him awake.

**

Dean woke up in the evening, his stomach grumbling at him. He went downstairs, drank two cups of coffee and made himself some cheese on toast. The hot, melted, salty taste was just what he needed. It was so good that he ate two more slices before Sam came into the kitchen and demanded he eat something healthy after his ordeal. Dean was given a glass of water and part of Sam’s pre-prepared fruit salad, neither of which he wanted before he was sent back upstairs to bed again.

Sometimes, he thought, Sam treated him as if Dean was the younger brother. He also treated him as if he was a misbehaving child. If Sam could have stopped his TV privileges or banned Dean from being out past ten, Dean was sure Sam would have tried.

He woke up the next morning feeling better. He didn’t feel 100% but he felt well enough to go into work and mess around with computers for a few hours. Even if he hadn’t felt well, he still would have gone. It was only him and Charlie in the store. If Dean didn’t show up, if he didn’t pull his weight, they’d fall behind on orders and bad word of mouth would be a killer in their game.

At least Dean enjoyed his work. He could just zone-out while he was assembling a computer. As long as he checked the order first and made sure he had everything he needed to hand, it was perfect work. Charlie had the really hard bit, writing code and programing. She was the one who had to retrieve lost work or debug systems. Dean just asked what people wanted and got it ready for them.

He was bent over his workbench, fiddling with fitting a keyboard back in to a laptop that had needed some cleaning, when Charlie brought over a cup of coffee for him. She placed it on the bench beside Dean and stood there for a moment, tapping her fingers against her own mug.

“So,” she said.

Dean stopped what he was doing and turned to look at her, frowning.

“So what? Did Lisa break up with me? Yes. Were you right? Yes. Did I get stupidly drunk last night? Yes. Did I try to drown myself on purpose? No,” he rattled off the list, looking at Charlie, waiting to see if one of those was the answer to her unspoken question.

“I was going to ask how everything was going but I see you’re in a mood,” Charlie said. She blew on her coffee then drank a sip.

Dean sighed, reaching for his own cup. For a few minutes they drank their coffee in silence. Dean felt a bit more human once he’d finished half the cup. He didn’t feel like he needed to snap at Charlie any more. She’d probably been worried. Sam said he’d called her. Dean wondered why Sam didn’t just send out a round-robin email to tell everyone that Dean was fine.

“Charlie, I’m okay,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Charlie nodded. “I’m glad to hear that. And I’m not going to tell you that I was right. I’m sorry that I was right, Dean. I wanted things to work out for you.”

Dean wished that Charlie wouldn’t be so nice about it. She’d tried to tell him it was a mistake. Dean should have listened to her. He wouldn’t have ended up drinking on the beach if he’d listened to her. He wouldn’t have nearly drowned. He sipped at his cup, not wanting to say anything. The silence felt suffocating. Dean didn’t know what he was supposed to say. He didn’t know if he was supposed to say anything or just wait for Charlie to continue.

The phone rang by his desk rang, startling Dean. He grabbed hold of the phone, looking at Charlie apologetically.

“I’ll go back to work,” Charlie said. “I’m glad you’re okay, Dean. I really am.” She patted him on the shoulder then walked off, heading back to her own work area.

Dean put his coffee cup down and lifted the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dean. I’m sorry to call you at work, it’s Jody,” came the voice from the other end of the line.

Dean felt his heart plummet. He couldn’t think of a good reason for Jody to be calling him. He tried to reassure himself that if something had happened to Sam or Adam, Jody would have come to tell him in person. She wouldn’t have called.

It didn’t make him feel any better.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Well, Dean, I don’t really know how to explain this,” Jody started.

Dean bit his lip. He wanted her to just get on and tell him her reason for calling. The longer it took, the more time Dean had to think up horrible things that could have happened.

“I arrested a naked man this afternoon. He was just strolling through town, completely buck-naked, I can’t tell you the number of phone calls I had about him,” Jody continued. “And I brought him down to the station to book him in. I asked him if there was anyone I could call for him and read him his rights, and he asked for you. He said he’d come here to find Dean.”

For a moment, Dean was sure he hadn’t heard her correctly. Nothing Jody had just said made sense to him.

“Jody, are you joking?” he asked after a moment.

“No,” Jody said. “I’ve got a man sat in my cells wearing the biggest t-shirt we could find in the lost property box and he says he’s here to see you.”

“Jody, you know me, I’m not the sort of guy who knows a lot of naked men,” Dean said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

The conversation seemed completely ridiculous. He didn’t know what Jody expected him to do. It wasn’t as if Dean had dared the guy to wander around without any clothes on. Dean did know about public indecency laws.

“I need you to come down the station,” Jody said.

“I swear, Jody, I don’t know this guy,” Dean said angrily.

He didn’t want to leave work in the middle of the afternoon just because some crank had pulled his name out of thin air and decided to make his life difficult. Dean’s life was already difficult enough.

“Dean, will you just come down? I need to work out what’s going on,” Jody said with a sigh.

She sounded tired. Dean imagined she would be. This was the second time in as many days as she’d had to deal with some sort of incident that involved Dean. Dean guessed the least he could do was make her life a bit easier. He’d only be at the sheriff’s station for a short time. It wasn’t as if it would even take him that long to drive over there.

“Yeah, sure,” he said. “I’ll see you in five, Jody.”

“Thanks, Dean,” Jody said and hung up.

Dean put the phone back and got up. He grabbed his jacket from where he’d slung it on the back of his chair, pulling it on and called out to Charlie. A second later she appeared, looking confused.

“You going out?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Dean said. “I have to go and see Jody about a naked man.”

Charlie smiled.

“You have all the fun, Winchester” she said.

Dean rolled his eyes.

“It would be wasted on you, Bradbury.”

“I can appreciate the body, even if I’m not attracted to it,” Charlie said.

“Whatever. I’ll be back soon. It shouldn’t take me too long,” Dean said, grinning.

He’d probably get a good story out of this at least.

**

Dean drove to the sheriff’s office, not sure what to expect. He parked outside and went in. The office was small. There was Jody’s desk on one side of the room, her deputy’s desk on the other and a door that lead out back to the cells. There were only two cells. The town didn’t get much crime, even in the summer months when the tourists were plentiful. Mostly it was the drunk and disorderly that Jody dealt with. Her deputy wrote a lot of parking tickets, Dean knew, he’d had a few of them in his time.

Jody was seated at her desk, writing what looked like the rough draft of a report. Her deputy wasn’t there and Dean hadn’t seen the patrol car parked outside so he was probably out, checking the neighborhood. He was a scrawny little guy called Gabriel who only came up about as high as Dean’s chest. Dean couldn’t say he exactly liked Gabriel but he got along with Jody well enough.

Dean coughed, trying to get Jody’s attention. She looked up quickly, smiling when she saw Dean standing there.

“Sorry, most of my work is writing reports and budgets at the moment,” she said. “I’m trying to work out some figures.”

“Why don’t you use the calculator on your computer?” Dean asked.

Jody gave him a look and Dean shrugged.

“I like to at least try myself, before I give up and have to rely on the computer,” she said, standing.

She reached down, pulling open her desk draw. She took out an evidence bag, placing it on the desk for Dean to see. The ring inside the see-through baggie glinted brilliant and blue in the light coming through the window.

“The guy we picked up was completely naked apart from this ring,” she said. “I thought you might know something about it. I remember you showing it to me in the street. I think you were showing it to everyone.”

Dean swallowed, looking down at the engagement ring he’d bought for Lisa. The same ring he’d given Castiel. He had shown it to Jody. He’d shown it to pretty much everyone he’d run in to that day. He’d been so delighted with it. He was impressed that Jody had paid so much attention and remembered the ring even now.

He also realized with a sinking heart exactly who had to be sitting in cells.

“Was this ring stolen, Dean?” Jody asked.

Dean looked up at her, shaking his head quickly.

“No, I gave it to…to Castiel,” he said. “He…um…he saved me.”

Jody raised an eyebrow. Dean didn’t elaborate. He couldn’t find the words.

Castiel was real. He wasn’t a figment of Dean’s imagination. He wasn’t a dream brought on by being drunk and his near-death experience. Castiel was real and apparently strolling around town without any clothes on, at least until Jody caught him.

“He also had your wallet on him,” Jody said. She reached into the draw and pulled that out too, throwing it at Dean, who shoved it in to his pocket. “I hope you cancelled your cards.”

At least Dean knew now where that had gottn to. Castiel had probably been out trying to return it to him. Dean just had the feeling that that was the sort of person he was.

“Look,” Dean said quickly. “You should let him out. He’s a good guy. If there’s a fine he needs to pay or bail or something, I can pay that for him.”

Jody looked even more surprised.

“I can give him a written warning,” she said. “I was holding him until you got here because of the ring. I didn’t think you’d give this away, Dean.”

“Well, Castiel’s special,” Dean said. “Can I see him?”

Jody shot him an odd look, one Dean couldn’t make out properly, but she nodded.

“Sure, I’ll give you two a moment alone.”

“Thanks,” Dean said. He picked up the evidence bag, pocketing it and the ring.

He headed through the door that led to the cells. They weren’t the nicest look of places. They were old, built at the same time as the sheriff’s office but they did their job. There was a little bed in each and Jody let you out to use the bathroom. Dean had spent the night there once, a very long time ago, when he’d been much younger. In the morning, there was breakfast delivered from the local diner. He didn’t know about the rest of the day because that was when his dad had come down furiously to get him released. In comparison, Dean had preferred being in jail.

Castiel was in the first cell. He looked small and dejected, hunched over himself. He was wearing an over-sized novelty t-shirt and some flip-flops. Dean stared at his legs. He knew it was stupid, but he’d honestly expected to see something else. Castiel was a normal man. Dean really had to stop drinking.

“Hey,” he said softly.

Castiel looked up then, his eyes widening.

“Dean,” he said. He sounded relieved. Then his face clouded. “They took your ring.”

“I know,” Dean said. He dug in his pocket and pulled out the evidence bag. He opened it and picked out the ring. “I got it back for you, Cas.”

Castiel stood up, holding his hand out through the bars and Dean carefully replaced the ring on his finger. He was glad Jody had given them some time alone. Dean knew his face was red.

“There,” he said, coughing to cover his embarrassment. “Jody said she’s going to give you a warning this time but you’ve got to be more careful, okay? Dude, you can’t just go walking around naked. We’re not a nudist colony.”

Castiel’s nose scrunched up as he listened to Dean. Dean tried his hardest not to find it cute and failed on all accounts.

“I don’t have any clothes,” Castiel said finally. “I was given clothes from your lost property.”

“You don’t have any clothes?” Dean repeated.

Castiel nodded.

“Okay, we’ll get you some then. I think you can borrow some of mine. They might be a bit loose on you but that’s okay, right?”

Castiel smiled at him.

“I would like that, Dean. I like the way you smell, like leather and coriander. It’s a very pleasing scent.”

“Uh, right,” Dean said, unsure how to respond to that. Castiel was the weirdest guy Dean had ever met but he had saved Dean’s life. Dean felt he owed him something. “Look, I’m going to grab Jody and get her to let you out now, okay? Then we’ll swing by my house and pick you up some more clothes.”

Castiel nodded, still smiling.

Dean smiled back. Castiel might be weird but he was sweet. Dean didn’t think he meant anyone any harm. He was just a bit odd. He probably came from one of those weird European nations where they embraced nudity as part of the normal way of life. Dean might have to ask him exactly where he came from and see if he could book a ticket there. It sounded like a good holiday destination.

He headed back out into the office, catching Jody just as she clicked up the calculator on her computer.

“I’m ready to take him home now,” he said.

“This isn’t the pound, Dean, you’re not adopting a stray,” Jody said, turning in her chair.

“Yeah, sure. Where do I sign the paperwork and do you give me a collar for him or do I have to buy it?” Dean asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Jody sighed.

“Just make sure your friend understands he’s got to wear pants, at least when he’s outside. What he does at your house is your own business,” she said, picking up the keys to the cell.

Dean waited patiently and a moment later, Castiel came through the door, walking unsteadily in flip-flops that were probably two sizes too big for him. Jody followed him.

“Go right home, Dean. Get the poor guy some boxers,” she said. “And it’s Castiel, right? I need to make a report of this. What’s your last name, kid?”

Castiel looked at Dean, looking startled but then he seemed to make a decision, smiling.

“It’s Winchester,” he said.

Jody raised an eyebrow. She looked pointedly at the ring on Castiel’s finger, then back to Dean.

“Castiel Winchester,” she said, making a note of it. “And I suppose your address is Dean’s address?”

“Yes,” Castiel agreed, nodding happily.

“I see,” Jody said.

Dean didn’t know what to say. It felt as if he was paralyzed. He opened his mouth but he couldn’t make a sound. He could only gape at them like a stricken fish. He was only glad Gabriel was out because he didn’t think the deputy would ever have let him live this down. It would have been all over the town by dinnertime if Gabriel had been there.

“Let me show you out,” Jody said.

She walked them to the office door then paused, placing a hand on Dean’s elbow to hold him back. She tapped a little rainbow sticker that was up in the corner of the window. Dean recognized it as a pride flag. “You could have told me, Dean. I wouldn’t have judged you.”

“Jody,” Dean said with a sigh. “It’s just complicated, okay?”

Jody nodded in comprehension.

“Okay, Dean, but I just want you to know that I’m your friend and I’m happy for you.”

Dean gritted his teeth, nodded goodbye and headed out to the car. Castiel was already standing beside it, running his hand over the hood. He seemed completely entranced. Dean smiled. He warmed to people who liked his car.

“She’s a beauty, isn’t she?” he asked.

Castiel looked up, startled.

“Oh, yes,” he said quietly, pulling his hand away. “I’ve seen you driving her. You always seemed happy.”

“Really?” Dean asked.

He supposed his car was hardly inconspicuous. People did notice it. It just surprised Dean that he’d never noticed Castiel around town.

Castiel nodded.

Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out his car keys.

“Come on, let’s get you back to my house. You need some clothes of your own.”

**

The drive back to his house was slow. Dean couldn’t keep focused on the road. His gaze kept wandering to Castiel. There were so many things he wanted to ask him, where he came from? Why he’d put his name down as Winchester? Why had he saved Dean?

There were so many questions but Dean couldn’t bring himself to ask them. He just kept looking at Castiel, hoping that if he looked hard enough, he’d see the answers he wanted. Castiel had rolled his window down and was staring at the town as if he’d never seen it before. He seemed excited by everything. Dean slowed down just so he could get a good look. Sometimes the cars behind them beeped and Dean stuck his middle finger up at them. No one could be in that much of a hurry that they needed to speed past the store fronts of the little town. Dean was obeying the speed limit and everyone else could too.

He turned off eventually, heading down the road that took him to his own house. Castiel was just as excited by this as he’d been by the things going on in town. Dean supposed that where he lived was beautiful. He felt as if he was seeing it anew with Castiel beside him. The sunshine streamed down, the flowers were in bloom, the wood of Dean’s house was painted a soft blue and it looked as if it belonged in the middle of summer. In the winter it looked cold and Dean complained that it cost too much to keep warm, but right now it looked just right.

He parked up in the driveway and got out, stretching his legs quickly before he ran over to the passenger side door and opened it for Castiel.

“Sam’s probably home, so I’ll have to introduce you to him before I get you some clothes,” Dean said, glancing at the house.

“Who’s Sam?” Castiel asked. He sounded worried.

“My little brother,” Dean said. “We live together. It saves on bills.”

Castiel brightened at that.

“I’m very much looking forward to meeting your family,” he said.

“Yeah? I’ll call my other brother, Adam and we can all have dinner then. I think they’re both going to want to meet you and say thank you for what you did,” Dean said.

He found it hard to talk to Castiel about the rescue. It seemed so monumental. Castiel had saved his life. Dean would have died without him. There didn’t seem to be enough words to describe just how much Dean owed Castiel. He could say thank you every single day and it still wouldn’t be enough.

“I couldn’t let anything happen to you,” Castiel said solemnly.

Dean licked his lips. He found himself staring at Castiel’s mouth. It was chapped but very pink. He remembered how Castiel had kissed him. He wondered if he kissed Castiel now, would he taste of the sea?

Dean stepped forward a little, almost eager to find out. Castiel moved too, the two of them invading each other’s space, standing so close there was only a hair’s breadth between them before suddenly a loud, high pitched wolf whistle caused Dean to look up. There was a police cruiser pulling up across the road and Gabriel was leaning out of the window.

“Hot damn! Isn’t that the guy Jody arrested this morning? Excellent choice, Deano!” he called. “Prime A grade hottie. I’ve seen him naked so I can testify!”

“Why are you here?” Dean growled, stepping away from Castiel and heading down towards Gabriel’s car. He didn’t know if he was going to hit Gabriel but it was tempting.

“I have a lunch date with Sammy,” Gabriel said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“And you’re taking him out in your police car?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, we’ll be able to get through the red lights if I turn the siren on!” Gabriel said, playing with the wheel like an excited child.

Dean sighed.

“Look, get out of that thing and come in the house. I need to introduce Sam to Castiel and I guess you’re invited now too.”

“Oh yeah!” Gabriel said. “I’m invited to family meetings.”

“This is not a family meeting and you are not family,” Dean said tetchily.

He didn’t know why Sam liked Gabriel. As far as Dean could see, Gabriel was just an annoying jumped up prick with a power complex, but for some reason Sam and he had been dating on and off for a few years. They went through dry patches were they couldn’t stand the sight of each other, then they were all over each other the month after.

Dean had given up hoping they’d break up and just settled for never allowing Gabriel to think he’d got his foot in the door. Dean was never going to share a beer with him or make small talk. He wasn’t going to let Gabriel think they could become friends. Dean didn’t become friends with the men who dated his little brothers.

Gabriel rolled his eyes dramatically and opened his door, rolling out onto the pavement. Dean walked back towards the house, wrapping an arm around Castiel’s waist when he got to him, leading him inside.

“Sam?” he called. “Gabriel’s here and I want you to meet someone!”

Sam came downstairs, pausing halfway as he saw the stranger standing in their hallway. He blinked then slowly continued to the bottom of the stairs, holding his hand out to Castiel to shake.

“Hi, I’m Sam,” he said.

“Castiel,” said Castiel, holding out his hand that had Dean’s ring on it.

Dean knew that both Sam and Gabriel were looking at it. He heard Gabriel whistle, this time a low, short whistle that expressed surprise. It was the sort of sound someone who was watching a talk show might make when one of the guests revealed they were sleeping with their sister’s husband.

Sam couldn’t even hide his surprise. He looked at the ring, up then to Castiel’s face and then back down to the ring.

“I gave that to him,” Dean said. He didn’t know if that clarified anything or just made it worse.

“Wow,” Gabriel said. “I mean, I always knew it but you were such a closet case.”

Sam shot his boyfriend a warning look. He held Castiel’s hand tightly.

“It’s really good to meet you, Castiel,” he said. Dean knew when Sam was being polite. He was smiling but it didn’t meet his eyes.

“Hey, Cas,” he said, putting a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “Do you want to go upstairs? My bedroom is the first one. Just pick out anything you like.”

Sam let go of Castiel’s hand and the three men downstairs were all quiet as he climbed the stairs. They remained quiet until they heard one of the doors upstairs shutting. When they did, Sam turned to look at Dean, shaking his head as if he couldn’t quite believe it.

“He seems nice but Dean don’t you think this is a bit sudden? You only just broke up with Lisa!”

“If he ever was dating Lisa and that wasn’t just a cover up for his secret boyfriend,” Gabriel said, clearly enjoying himself.

“Gabriel, you’re not helping,” Sam said.

“What exactly do you two think is going on?” Dean asked.

“You gave him the engagement ring you bought for Lisa. I’m assuming that means you asked him to marry you,” Sam said slowly and carefully.

“You really think that?” Dean asked.

“It seems plausible,” Gabriel said. “Also, Sam, we picked that guy up walking around naked in town today. He wasn’t wearing anything but Dean’s ring.”

Dean pulled a face. Gabriel always managed to make things sound sexual. It was a disturbing talent he had.

“Really?” Sam asked. He looked at Dean questioningly. “Was he really walking around naked, Dean?”

“Yeah, that bit is true. I just went and picked him up from the police station,” Dean said.

“Oh.” Sam sounded a little far off; as if he didn’t really believe that someone like Castiel would be the sort of person who’d get arrested for indecent exposure.

“I think he’s European,” Dean said helpfully. “You know, they have nudist beaches and stuff.”

“You still haven’t told me if you proposed to him or not, Dean,” Sam said, snapping back to the question at hand.

“No,” Dean said. “I didn’t propose to him. He’s the guy who saved my life. He’s the one who pulled me out of the sea when I was drowning. I gave him the ring as a thank you gift. I think he was just in town to give me back my wallet.”

“You lost your wallet?” Sam interrupted.

“I was drowning, Sam! I didn’t check my pockets while I was going under!” Dean said, annoyed he’d been interrupted in the flow of his story. “Anyway, he had the ring and my wallet on him. Jody arrested him and kept him locked up until I could get to the station and explain he hadn’t stolen anything.”

Sam nodded slowly.

“It’s just…if you had…I’d be okay with it, Dean. I wouldn’t mind at all. I just don’t want you to make any rash decisions after Lisa, but I’d be happy for you,” he said slowly.

Dean groaned.

“Will you just go on your date now?” he asked, grabbing hold of the banister, ready to head upstairs to Castiel who was suddenly looking a lot more normal than either Sam or Gabriel were.

“I just want you to know I support you and your choices,” Sam said.

Dean rolled his eyes and headed upstairs. He paused on the landing, listening to the voices that floated up.

“I still think there never was any Lisa.”

“Gabriel, we met her.”

“Yeah, but...”

The front door slammed then and Dean shook his head. He hoped Sam and Gabriel had a nice time at lunch, got all their conspiracy theories out on each other and Sam returned home slightly normal again. If this was the reaction he’d got from Sam, Dean thought he might wait a little longer before telling Adam. He didn’t want a repeat performance of the “are you with Cas?” act too soon.

He sighed and opened the door to his bedroom. He didn’t know what he expected to see, possible all his clothes strewn over the bed but the sight that greeted his eyes was different to that. It was Castiel, curled up on his bed, hugging Dean’s pillow against his chest. He had his face buried in it. Dean didn’t think he was asleep. If he was, then he was one of those people who could fall asleep in the blink of an eye, but he did seem to be unaware of Dean.

Dean sat down gently on the bed next to him, reaching out to shake him.

“Cas,” he said. “Buddy, you’re not wearing any underwear. Don’t you want to put some on?”

“I find the breeze very enjoyable,” Castiel mumbled into the pillow.

“Yeah? Well, I don’t want your naked junk on my sheets. No offense,” Dean said.

Castiel sat up slowly, reluctantly letting go of Dean’s pillow. He stood up and stretched, giving Dean a perfect view of his ass and his junk. Dean caught himself staring and looked away quickly.

“Underwear, jeans, a t-shirt that fits you,” he muttered under his breath, mentally going through the things Castiel would need.

Castiel pulled off the oversized t-shirt, throwing it on to the bed. He kicked off the flip-flops as well, scrunching his toes up in the carpet before beginning to walk back and forth. Dean watched him, reminded oddly of the opening scenes in Die Hard where John McClane walked around barefoot, trying to get rid of his jet lag, only as far as Dean remembered, Bruce Willis hadn’t been naked.

He didn’t think Castiel had jetlag. He just seemed entranced by the feeling of the carpet underfoot.

“Are you high?” he asked after a minute of watching Castiel.

If Castiel was stoned, that would explain a lot of things.

Castiel turned to look at him and Dean got the full-frontal view of him. It wasn’t a bad view. Dean took it all in. Castiel had a swimmer’s body, tight and toned with very little body hair. His cock was nice, uncut, a good length. It wasn’t too thick either.

Dean shifted, coughing as he rearranged his own dick, which had suddenly decided to wake up. Dean knew he’d be bigger than Castiel. He didn’t exactly need to whip it out and show him. There wasn’t any need to prove anything. There also wasn’t anything to get excited about. It was just a naked guy in his bedroom. Dean didn’t need to be excited about that.

Castiel still seemed to be considering his questions so Dean asked it again, his voice more strained this time.

“Cas, have you been smoking something?”

Castiel shook his head.

“No.”

“Injecting stuff? Snorting it? Are you on drugs? Because if you are, I’d really like to know.”

Castiel shook his head even more firmly.

“No, Dean. I am not doing any of those things.”

“Right,” Dean said.

He didn’t know if he believed Castiel completely but he was willing to trust him for the moment. He couldn’t exactly turn Castiel away, not after Castiel had saved his life. It was only a hunch on Dean’s behalf that Castiel’s behavior wasn’t exactly normal. For all Dean knew, it could be completely normal for Castiel. He might just be one of those weird people who went through life constantly amazed and delighted by everything.

Dean didn’t know he wasn’t going to kick the guy who’d saved his life out of his house before he knew for certain that something wasn’t right. Dean didn’t want to come down like a hard-ass. He’d smoked some pot when he was a teenager. He knew what life was like, but he also knew that Sam wouldn’t have approved of it. It was Sam’s house too and they had rules. Besides, he was thinking of introducing Castiel to Adam and he didn’t need a substance abuse lecture from his little brother the nurse. Not on top of the anti-suicide one he’d had the last time Adam had been in the house.

It occurred to Dean that he was still sitting on the bed, still watching Castiel clench his toes in the carpet, and that Castiel was still buck naked.

Dean stood up quickly, crossing to his wardrobe. He opened it and grabbed a pair of jeans. He threw them at Castiel and an old t-shirt he had at the back of his wardrobe. It was a faded Led Zeppelin shirt. Most of the color was gone and it was stretched but he knew it would fit Castiel better than the horrid shirt he’d been wearing. That thing had come out of the lost and found box. There was no telling what sort of life it had had before it ended up on Castiel. Dean would throw that out and buy Castiel some nice new clothes, things that fitted him and suited him.

He shut his wardrobe door and pulled open the first drawer of his chest of drawers. Dean grabbed the first pair of boxers he could find and threw them at Castiel.

“You get dressed,” he said, confident that now Castiel had an armful of clothes, he’d be fine on his own. “I’m gonna be downstairs. Just come down when you’re ready.”

He grabbed the offending t-shirt that Castiel had dropped on his bed, holding it out in front of him as if the germs might leap off and attack him at any moment. Dean headed downstairs, into the kitchen where he opened the garbage bin and dumped the t-shirt straight in.

He grabbed the phone and checked the clock on the kitchen wall. It would be Adam’s lunch break around now. If Dean caught him at the right time, he’d be able to invite him to dinner tonight. If not, he’d just leave a voicemail on Adam’s phone and hope that Adam saw it today and not in two days’ time.

**

Dean had no idea why he felt so nervous. He wanted his brothers to like Castiel, but it wasn’t as if they had to. Dean wasn’t about to marry Castiel or anything like that. He was just Dean’s friend. All the same, Dean wanted them to be impressed with him. He’d managed to get Adam on the phone, even though his brother had complained that Dean was interrupting his break. Dean had promised him homemade burgers if Adam would shut up and come over that evening.

Disentangling Sam from Gabriel had been another problem. Sam had protested. He’d wheedled that Gabriel deserved to be invited because of how long they’d been dating. He even explained to Dean that Gabriel had been out searching for him that day when Dean had failed to come home. Dean doubted that Gabriel had looked very hard, but it was hard to turn someone down when they’d been part of a search party to find you.

Gabriel sat at the kitchen table, smiling widely, stealing all the ketchup and asking if he could have an extra burger because he thought the one Dean had given him was a bit on the small side.

Dean just gritted his teeth and flipped the patties. He’d already burned the next one he planned on giving Gabriel. It wasn’t as if he’d be able to taste it with the amount of sauce he smoothed on it. Dean had got some prime grass feed beef for these burgers and Gabriel wanted to ruin them by covering them in American cheese and toxic sweet ketchup.

At least Castiel liked his burger unadulterated. He’d eaten it just as Dean had prepared it, hot from the grill in a bun with a slice of fresh tomato and some lettuce. He’d also pronounced it completely delicious.

Dean hadn’t really got a chance to sit down yet, not cooking burgers for five people, one of whom seemed to have a bottomless pit for a stomach, but Sam was soldiering on and making conversation.

“So, Castiel, where do you come from?” Sam asked. “Is it far away?”

Castiel finished the last bite of his burger, licking his fingers clean. Dean stared at him, forgetting about the burger on the grill until it sizzled and he turned it over, glowering at it’s now charred side.

“No, I’m from close by,” he said.

“Really? How come we’ve never met you before?” Adam asked, a hint of suspicion in his voice.

“I’ve never come into town before. I keep to myself mostly,” Castiel said. “I probably wouldn’t have come at all if I hadn’t met Dean.”

“So, you and Dean, how long have you know each other?” Gabriel asked, edging his chair a little closer to Castiel. “You can tell us!”

“Dean and I have known each other intimately for two days, but I have seen Dean before now,” Castiel said.

Dean dropped his spatula.

“Intimately?” Adam asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Castiel said, seemingly completely unaware of the calamity he’d just caused.

He put his hands on the table in front of him, the engagement ring sparkling away on his ring finger. The others all stared at it. Dean picked his spatula up off the floor and sighed, running it under the tap in an effort to wash it. He hoped Gabriel wouldn’t complain too much about a completely burned burger.

“Jody told me you gave your surname down as Winchester and your address as this place,” Gabriel said.

Dean rolled his eyes. Gabriel was the biggest gossip in town. Of course he knew about that. Even if he hadn’t been able to see the file, he still would have found out somehow. Sometimes, Dean suspected he liked being a deputy because it meant he got to know everyone’s secrets.

“Does that mean you’re staying here, Castiel?” Sam asked. He sounded almost hopeful.

That hadn’t been something Dean had expected. Sam had been reluctant before, when he’d thought that Dean was on the rebound, but now he seemed to have decided that whatever Dean had going on with Castiel was a good idea. Dean wished he could convince him that the only thing going on was friendship. Still, he supposed he should be thankful for small mercies. Sam was accepting at least.

“Yes,” Castiel said. “I wouldn’t want to be away from Dean.”

He looked at Dean fondly and Dean turned the taps on a little higher, scrubbing with more force at the spatula.

Castiel continued to talk, changing the subject to his meeting with their town sheriff. “Jody is very nice. She found me clothes, but Dean didn’t like them.”

“No, he prefers people in his old band t-shirts,” Adam said dryly.

“Shut up and eat your burger,” Dean growled. “I just gave Cas some of my old things. I’m going to buy him new things tomorrow.”

Gabriel sighed loudly and leant against Sam.

“Why aren’t you my sugar-daddy, Sam? Why don’t you buy me things?”

“You have your own job,” Sam said, nudging him off.

“Dean, I think the burgers are burning,” Castiel said.

Dean sighed loudly, turning off the grill and trying to save the burgers but Castiel was right, they were mostly charred and inedible now. He put the plate of them down on the table anyway, not at all surprised when Gabriel ferried a few to his plate. Dean sat down, wishing he’d spent a little less on the beef now, and made himself up his own burger.

It was okay, but overcooked and Dean found himself snatching the ketchup back from Gabriel so he could add a little moisture back to his burger. He tried to ignore Gabriel’s triumphant smirk. Dean had only a smear of ketchup on his bun. Gabriel’s burgers were practically swimming in the stuff.

Dean took another bite of his burger, looking up to see Sam staring at him expectantly. He swallowed his mouthful and glanced across the table at Castiel. He didn’t know where Castiel lived and it didn’t seem that Castiel was in any hurry to get back there. Dean had already told everyone he was planning on taking Castiel shopping tomorrow. That kind of implied that Castiel would be around for a bit longer.

“Yeah,” he said, licking the corners of his mouth. “Cas is going to stay here for a while.”

He took another bite of his burger and spoke with his mouthful. “But he’s sleeping in the spare room.”

Castiel looked confused while Sam and Gabriel exchanged knowing looks. Adam just shrugged.

“Whatever, it’s your life,” he said cryptically before looking down at his own plate and his half unfinished burger.

“If you don’t eat that, Gabriel will,” Dean said. “I’m thinking of getting rid of the waste disposal and just installing him.”

“Hey! I don’t eat leftovers! Not ones with other people’s teeth-marks in,” Gabriel protested.

“So, if Cas is staying with us, he’s coming to the town picnic, right?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, sure, why not?” Dean answered vaguely through his mouthful.

Everyone went to the town picnic. It was tradition. Dean couldn’t exactly leave Castiel home to mope by himself while everyone else closed up shop and decamped to the town square for a glorious Saturday of eating outside and honoring some Civil War battle that Dean had forgotten the name of.

“You know where you should take Castiel? The Carnival!” Gabriel said.

“Oh god, that place,” Adam muttered, rolling his eyes. “It’s a death trap.”

“It’s charming and old fashioned,” Gabriel said.

“It has a freak show,” Adam said. “And the rides don’t look like anyone cleans them.”

“But the cotton candy’s good,” Dean cut-in.

He wasn’t expecting a fight over the local Carnival. It came during the last few weeks of the summer vacation and pitched up on the hilltop nearest the town. Going to the Carnival was almost as much of a tradition as the town picnic. Dean had had his first kiss at the Carnival.

“I’ve never had cotton candy,” Castiel said.

Dean grinned. As far as he was concerned, that closed the case. Castiel needed to be educated about the finer things in life like cotton candy and rides that went too fast.

“That’s settled then, Cas has to go to the Carnival,” he said.

Adam sighed.

“I hope you’ve had all your shots, Castiel.”

Castiel looked perplexed and Dean hurried to reassure him.

“He’s just joking, Cas. Adam hates anything that’s fun. He’s never grown out of being a grumpy teenager.”

“Whereas Dean has never grown up full stop,” Adam countered.

“Brat,” Dean said affectionately.

Adam graced him with a particularly gruesome face in response and picked up his burger, finishing the remains of it in three quick bites.

**

The spare bedroom was not as nice as Dean’s room. It didn’t smell like Dean for one thing. Castiel had found it relaxing to be surrounded by the scent in Dean’s bedroom. He’d just wanted to burrow down into Dean’s pillow and fall asleep. The fact that he couldn’t, that Dean had firmly escorted him to the spare room, confused Castiel.

Dean had given him his ring. Castiel had given him his pearls. They had exchanged gifts and marked each other out as their future mate. For Castiel, that made them married but perhaps Dean’s culture was different?

It wasn’t as if Castiel had a reference for this. Mermaids who left the ocean hardly ever returned and those that did were shunned. They were sad figures, whispered about to discourage children from ever making their mistakes. Castiel had chosen a difficult path when he left the sea to join Dean. He had to go alone, as confusing as it was.

At least Dean had given him some of his pajamas to wear. They were a few sizes bigger than Castiel was. The pants were swimming on him and Castiel hand to hold them up with one had but at least they smelled like Dean. Castiel could fall asleep and imagine he was in Dean’s arms.

There was still something he needed to do first though.

Castiel had left his home quickly. He hadn’t had time to tell them where he was going. He hadn’t wanted to. He’d known that they’d only try to talk him out of leaving, or worse, refuse to let him go. He had gone quietly, suddenly. He did not want to go back.

The only thing he felt was that he did owe one of his family an explanation. He owed it to Anna to know what had happened to him and where he had gone.

Castiel lay still in the spare bed, listening to the creeks and groans of the house. He listened for the other members of the household going to bed, waiting until he was convinced that both Sam and Dean had fallen asleep before he got up. Adam had bid them goodbye earlier in the evening and Dean had eventually turfed Gabriel out after an argument about sleeping arrangements.

The house was eerie without the noise that had accompanied it in the daytime. Castiel clutched the elasticated waistband of his pajama pants, holding them up as he crept down the stairs. He left out the front door. It didn’t seem that Dean or Sam bothered to lock the door, so Castiel was sure he’d be able to get back in the same way. He didn’t know how he would explain it if he had to wake Dean up to ask to be let back in. He didn’t want Dean to think he had cold feet.

Castiel headed in to the night. It was a cool night. There was the sweet scent of flowers in the air and behind that, faint but still discernible, the scent of the sea. Castiel padded slowly away from Dean’s house and towards the ocean. He memorized the path he took.

Castiel could feel the call of the ocean. He was certain he would always be drawn to it, would always be able to find his way to it however far inland he went. He wasn’t worried about losing his way now, but he did worry about getting back. He was not so attuned to Dean.

Castiel walked alone. Even though it was a nice night, it was too late for most people to be out. Castiel was glad of that. Everyone here seemed to know each other. They certainly knew Dean. If someone had passed him on his walk to the water’s edge, they might have mentioned it to Dean later.

He walked for half-an-hour, crossing through the town that was closed up, deserted and nothing like it had been in the day time, and on, down the boardwalk and on to the beach. The feeling of the sand beneath his feet made Castiel sigh. It was like coming home to him.

He stood at the shore edge, careful to stand far enough back so the water didn’t touch his feet and called softly to Anna in a tongue that only the mermaids knew and understood. He fancied that she would be around the shoreline, searching for him. Castiel didn’t think he’d have to wait very long for her to appear.

Sure enough, after another quiet call, he saw Anna’s dark red head rise above the waves. She looked like something from a story book, terrible and dangerous.

“What are you doing out of the water, Castiel?”

Castiel held out his hand. The ring on his finger sparkled under the moonlight.

“He gave this to me, Anna. I’m going to be his. I can’t come back to the water. You do understand that, don’t you? I have to stay here, with him.”

Anna hissed.

“Castiel, don’t be so stupid. He’s a human.”

“I love him,” Castiel said stubbornly.

“You don’t even know him,” Anna said.

She swam a little close; Castiel saw the flick of her tail under the water. He stepped back further, worried she might be planning to try and drag him back into the water with her.

“I do know him, Anna. He’s kind. He’s looked after me,” Castiel said, fidgeting in his oversized pajamas. “We’ll grow to know each other. It isn’t unheard of.”

“What if he hurts you?” Anna said plaintively. “You should come back now, Castiel. Come back before it’s too late.”

Castiel shook his head firmly.

“I’ve already made my choice, Anna. I chose him. I just wanted you to understand what I was doing and why I had gone. I didn’t want to leave without telling you goodbye.”

Anna sighed. She flicked her tail irritably.

“There’s nothing I can say to change your mind?” she asked.

“No, Anna, I want this.”

“Then I suppose I can only wish you good luck,” Anna said, shrugging her shoulders. “I hope this is not a mistake, Castiel.”

“I know it isn’t, Anna. I know,” Castiel said, smiling with the conviction of his feelings.

He knew that Dean would come to love him the way that Castiel already adored him. They were supposed to be together. Castiel was certain of it. He had pulled Dean up from the depths of the ocean. He had saved his life. It had been the start of everything. Dean had known him then, he had cared for him then. He had wanted Castiel to be a part of his life and Castiel had done everything in his power to make that happen.

Anna was wrong to be so distrustful. Dean might be a human but Castiel didn’t think that meant he was bad. Everything they knew about humans came from the stories of mermaids who’d been hurt by their association with them. No one ever came back who’d left and was happy.

Castiel was certain that Dean would never hurt him.

This had been what Castiel had hoped for, what he’d dreamed of when he’d watched Dean from afar.

He would make it work and he would be happy.

**

‘Won’t be in to work until this afternoon. Taking my naked guy shopping’ Dean typed.

His phone buzzed, the sound signifying that the message had sent. At least working for himself, Dean could give himself flexible hours. He’d have to work it all back at some point, and Charlie would probably remind him that they weren’t at the stage yet where Dean could just take mornings off without warning, but he thought she’d probably understand this.

His phone vibrated in his hand and Dean glanced down. Charlie’s name was lit up on the screen, along with her message.

‘That is the oddest excuse you’ve ever given me. Call when you’re coming in.’

Dean smiled and shoved his phone into his pocket. There were only a few stores in town selling clothes and most of them specialized in either beach wear or women’s clothes. There was one place that carried a mix of both and that had been where Dean had ended up taking Castiel. It was a little mom and pop store, owned by a guy Dean had been to school with, Benny, who’d inherited it from his dad. Dean was pretty confident he could persuade Benny to give him a discount. Benny had always been a soft touch where Dean was concerned.

Dean had told Castiel to go wild, pick out a few things he liked and then left him to it. He’d had collapsed down into a chair next to the dressing rooms and started texting Charlie. Castiel had been at it for a good twenty minutes now. Dean didn’t know what was taking him so long. All he had to do was grab a few pairs of pants, a couple of t-shirts and he’d be set, but every time he glanced up, Castiel was buried in a different rack of clothes.

Dean sent Charlie a quick message, then looked up again. Castiel was standing in front of him, his arms full of brightly colored clothes. Dean saw a couple of dresses and skirts in the selection and he raised an eyebrow. Castiel didn’t seem to notice.

“Benny helped me with my size,” he said enthusiastically.

“Did he tell you that some of those are women’s clothes?” Dean asked, glancing passed Castiel, looking for Benny.

He was sure wherever he was, Benny was killing himself laughing.

“Yes, but I like the colors,” Castiel said.

“Okay, well, just go and try them on,” Dean said, nodding to the changing rooms.

He waited until Castiel was inside before he got up and found Benny. He was behind the register and he smiled widely when Dean approached him.

“You think you’re real funny, don’t you?” Dean said.

“He’s adorable,” Benny said. “Kept asking if I thought you’d like things. I told him what you liked to see your last girlfriend in.”

Dean sighed, leaning against the register.

“We’re not together,” he said.

“Oh, so I’ve still got a chance?” Benny asked, laughing. Dean was pretty sure he was only joking.

“You never had a chance,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Dean!” Castiel called from the changing rooms and Dean sighed, leaving Benny and plodding to the back of the store.

He pushed aside the curtain, expecting to see Castiel in one of the dresses he’d picked out but those were strewn on the floor. Instead, Castiel was standing in front of the mirror, gazing critically at his reflection. He was wearing black trousers that were a little too big for him and a white shirt. Over that, he’d donned a trench coat. It dwarfed him, swamped him. Dean wondered if Castiel had grabbed those things off the shelf before he asked Benny for help.

It shouldn’t have looked good. It should have looked funny but it didn’t.

Dean licked his lips.

“You’ll boil in that,” he said quietly. “It’s the middle of summer, Cas.”

“I like it,” Castiel said, turning back and forth, admiring his reflection. “Do you like it?”

He turned to face Dean and his expression was hopeful. Dean stepped forward, hands reaching out to straighten the lapels of the coat.

“Yeah,” he said roughly. “It looks good on you.”

“I did try on the dresses, Benny said you liked them, but they didn’t fit very well,” Castiel said with a little shrug. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t mind, Cas. You should wear what makes you happy,” Dean said.

His mouth felt dry. He’d been having a lot of odd conversations over the past few days. This one was simply surreal, but Dean couldn’t stop staring at Castiel. The word Benny had used to describe him, adorable, kept running around and around in Dean’s mind. Castiel did look adorable. It wasn’t a thought Dean was used to having about other men.

“I’d like this then please,” Castiel said.

Dean nodded. “Okay, but you’ll need some other things. Seriously, Cas, you’ll die in this.”

Castiel nodded and started to strip off. Dean turned away quickly, pushing aside the curtain of the changing room and stepping out into the store. He pulled the curtain firmly shut behind him and took a deep breath. Dean didn’t know what was happening to him. His jeans just felt uncomfortably tight and he needed a good, cold shower before he went into work.

He sat down again and tried to get a hold of himself. He tried not to imagine Castiel undressing just a few feet away from him, with only the curtain separating them but it was damn hard to do.

In the end, Castiel found three outfits he liked, including the trench coat, and Dean got Benny to give them a 20% discount. They drove slowly home and Dean tried not to feel sad about the fact that Castiel wasn’t going to be wearing his old t-shirts anymore. They’d only been a stopgap anyway before Dean could take him to the store.

Still, he was glad when Castiel kept one of his shirts back to sleep in.

**

It was a beautiful morning. There were no clouds in the sky; Sam was complaining about suntan lotion and Dean couldn’t wait to get to the town square. He was going to find a prime spot, set up their picnic blanket and an umbrella for Sam to sulk under, and really enjoy himself.

“Okay, I’ve got chicken wings, potato salad, corn bread muffins,” Dean listed as he unpacked the picnic basket. “And actual salad because someone insisted we had to have that.”

“Oh yuck, Dean! Did you dress this salad at home?” Sam asked, picking up the Tupperware box and frowning at its content.

“If you were so concerned about it, you should have packed it yourself,” Dean said airily, before returning to counting off the picnic items. “We’ve got beer, Gabriel said he’s bringing dessert and that’s the only reason he’s allowed to sit with us, and Charlie and Gilda are bringing some potluck apparently.”

He glanced at Castiel who was lying out on the blanket, basking in the rays of the sun.

“Is that all okay for you, Cas? There wasn’t anything you wanted me to make you, right?”

“You never ask if I want anything special,” Adam said sulkily. He was halfway through applying sunscreen and had a hat forced down over his head. He looked even more like a disgruntled small boy than he did most of the time.

“You’re old enough to cook for yourself and you don’t live in my house,” Dean said.

“You shouldn’t put the dressing on until we’re ready to eat the salad, Dean,” Sam said, evidently still mourning the less than perfect presentation of his salad.

“Sammy, I’ve already told you. You have to make it yourself. Now, could you and Adam shut up for a moment so Cas can answer the damn question?” Dean asked.

Castiel opened one eye and smiled at him.

“I’m sure everything will be delicious, Dean. I like the way you cook,” he said and Dean felt his heart flutter.

He turned to look at his brothers triumphantly.

“Do you hear that? Now that’s the sort of answer I want!”

“Of course Castiel’s going to say that, he loves you,” Adam said, rolling his eyes.

Dean looked around for something to throw at him but was interrupted by Gabriel appearing on the scene, clad in full uniform and carrying an enormous cool box. It was almost as big as he was. He reached them and collapsed down onto the blanket next to Sam.

“Are you working today?” Sam asked.

“Well, Jody said I could pretend I was policing the picnic,” Gabriel said, grinning.

“He just likes wearing the uniform, it gives him a feeling of power,” Adam said.

Dean smiled. When Adam wasn’t using that smart mouth of his to sass him, Dean found he generally approved of it.

“What did you bring, Gabriel?” he demanded.

Gabriel took the lid off the cool box and revealed the goodies hidden inside.

“I’ve got fresh fruit cocktail for Sam, chocolate brownies, cookies, cherry pie for you, Dean, homemade strawberry ice cream and just some things I saw in the chiller cabinet this morning,” Gabriel said proudly.

“You brought pie so I guess you can stay,” Dean said, grinning.

Sam pulled a face at him and drew Gabriel under the umbrella to kiss him. Dean mimed being sick and Adam made disgusting noises until they stopped.

“You’re so childish,” Sam said, not amused by their antics.

“Who are?” a voice said and Dean looked up to see Charlie making her way towards them.

She was hand in hand with her girlfriend, Gilda, and Dean took a moment just to enjoy the picture they made together. They looked so happy. Charlie was in shorts and a Wonder Woman t-shirt. Gilda had on a sundress. They were very different people, very different women, but they fitted together like two halves of a whole.

Dean couldn’t help envying Charlie and her happiness. She made it seem so easy. One day, Gilda had walked into her life and from then on they’d been inseparable.

“Who’s childish?” Charlie asked again.

“Dean,” Sam said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“And Adam!” Dean protested.

“Very chivalrous, Dean, throwing your little brother in it,” Charlie said.

“I don’t plan to suffer alone,” Dean said. He rolled on to his back and looked up at Charlie. “What did you bring?”

“Lemonade, Gilda baked a cake, some sandwiches, maybe vodka jello shots,” Charlie said with a little shrug.

“One of those is not like the other,” Gabriel said. “As an officer of the law, I might need to confiscate those jello shots.”

“Don’t listen to him, Charlie. He just wants them all for himself,” Dean said.

“I know his tricks,” Charlie said, seating herself down on the ground next to Dean.

Gilda sat beside her, putting their own small picnic basket down in the middle of the blanket.

Charlie nudged Dean in ribs and nodded towards Castiel.

“Who’s your friend? It’s polite to introduce us,” she said.

Dean sat up quickly and leaned over Castiel. He seemed to be half asleep, a drowsy smile stretched across his face. Dean didn’t really want to wake him, not when he seemed so happy, but Castiel could go back to sleep after the introductions. Also, after Dean had slathered him in sun cream and set him up under Sam’s umbrella. He didn’t want Castiel getting sunburned.

“Cas,” he said softly, putting his hand on Castiel’s shoulder, shaking him gently to wake him up. “Come on, Cas. Time to get up.”

Castiel opened his eyes slowly, blinking up at Dean. Then he smiled warmly. Dean found himself smiling back.

“Hello sleepy-head,” he said softly. “Welcome back to the land of the living.”

Charlie coughed, reminding Dean that he had a reason for waking Castiel up. He pulled away from the other man, shifting uncomfortably, trying to put a gap between them.

“Cas, this is Charlie and Gilda,” he said, indicating both women in turn. “Charlie is my business partner and Gilda is her girlfriend.”

“And who are you, Cas?” Charlie asked.

Castiel glanced at Dean.

“I am Dean’s,” he said.

There was a moment of silence and then Charlie burst out laughing.

“Good joke! No, really, how did you two meet?” she asked.

Castiel frowned, his brow furrowed in confusion. Dean decided he’d better answer before Castiel insisted he was correct and not joking.

“Cas is my rescuer and my friend,” he said.

“Your rescuer? I want to hear this story!” Charlie said, sitting cross-legged and looking at Dean agog.

Dean sighed but started on a rendition of how Castiel had come to save his life. He edited out a few things – the kiss they’d shared, exactly how drunk he’d been and he skirted around the issue of his break-up with Lisa, but by the end of the story Charlie was nodding and grinning.

“I suppose we’ve got a lot to thank Cas for then,” she said.

“Yeah,” Dean said, smiling softly. “Cas is pretty awesome.”

“Where are you from?” Gilda asked, addressing Castiel.

Castiel sat up straight. He stared at Gilda. Dean didn’t think he’d ever seen Castiel pay so much attention to anyone who wasn’t him. He felt his stomach tighten up slightly, a knot forming in his gut. Gilda was very beautiful. There was something not quite real about her, as if she’d walked out of a fairy tale. He could see why Castiel would be enchanted by her, why he’d want to look at her, but all the same he didn’t like it.

Gilda seemed to be just as enraptured by Castiel though. They silently sized each other up, glances both wary and approving. Dean felt Charlie stiffen slightly beside him. The atmosphere had changed; there was suddenly a tension between Castiel and Gilda that hadn’t been there before. Dean prayed that for Charlie’s sake it wasn’t sexual tension. He didn’t want to see his best friend’s girlfriend flirting with any guy, certainly not Castiel.

Finally, Castiel answered.

“I’m from near here.” He held his hand up, waving in the direction of the sea.

Gilda nodded, comprehending.

“I’m from nearby too,” she said, pointing away from them, towards the woods on the other side of town.

“Great, so everybody knows where everyone’s from,” Dean said, aware that a note of annoyance had crept into his voice but he didn’t understand what Castiel and Gilda found so fascinating about each other. It wasn’t that they weren’t both fascinating people, it was just that they shouldn’t be to each other. Gilda was dating Charlie.

A possessive feeling that bloomed inside Dean’s chest. It told him to point out the ring on Castiel’s finger and remind everyone that only a few minutes early Castiel had told everyone that he was Dean’s. Dean dismissed that feeling though. He got up quickly and went to the cooler, opening it and pulling out a beer. He could drown out that feeling with a liberal application of alcohol, he was sure.

Charlie joined him at the cooler.

“Can I get a beer?” she asked.

“Sure you don’t want to start on those jello shots?” Dean said but he reached into cooler and pulled out a beer for her, twisting the top off.

Charlie took it eagerly from him and downed half of it quickly.

“Yeah, I know that feeling,” Dean muttered.

“Dean,” Castiel called and Dean turned around quickly.

Both Castiel and Gilda had gotten up, off the picnic rug. They were standing close together. Dean knew that he was probably overthinking things but he didn’t like the sudden closeness or the strange atmosphere between the two.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Gilda and I are going for a walk. We want to talk,” Castiel said.

Dean bit his tongue.

“Yeah, sure, have fun,” he said, although the words felt bitter on his tongue.

Castiel smiled and Gilda darted lightly across the blanket to kiss Charlie goodbye before she re-joined Castiel and they two of them strolled off together, heads bowed in conversation.

“It’d be nice if they were friends, I guess,” Charlie said, although she didn’t sound too convinced.

Dean raised his beer bottle to his lips and tried his best to wash away the strange, ugly taste in his mouth.

**

“So you’re a fairy!” Castiel said, as soon as they were out of earshot.

Gilda nodded.

“And you’re a mermaid!” she said.

“Yes,” Castiel said. “It’s good to have someone who finally knows my secret. Does Charlie know about you?”

“I thought about telling her, but the time never seemed right,” Gilda said. “What about Dean? Does he know?”

Castiel shook his head.

“I think he suspects. When I rescued him, he was drowning and I didn’t look human, but he hasn’t said anything about it. He was rather drunk.”

Gilda’s eyes sparkled as she smiled.

“I met Charlie in the woods. She was out LARPing and I involved myself in the game so I could meet her.”

“LARPing?” Castiel repeated, the term unfamiliar.

“Gaming, roleplaying. She was dressed up as a knight. I became a damsel for her to rescue,” Gilda said.

“Do you like living here?” Castiel asked.

“Yes. It’s different from the woods, more polluted, more nosy, but I like being with Charlie.”

“I can’t go back to the sea,” Castiel said quietly. “I have to make things with Dean work.”

Gilda stopped walking. She reached out, touching her hand to Castiel’s elbow and turned him to face her. She spoke softly but with complete conviction.

“I saw the way he looks at you. He cares for you, Castiel. It’s obvious.”

Castiel smiled.

“I care for him. I have cared for him before I saved his life,” he said, playing absentmindedly with the ring on his finger. He held it up, showing it to Gilda. “He gave me this when I saved him.”

Gilda nodded in recognition. She reached into the pocket of her sundress and pulled out a silk handkerchief. Castiel looked at it, confused for a moment about its significance.

“Charlie gave me this as a favor when she was my knight. I carry it with me always,” Gilda explained.

“I gave Dean a gift too but I’ve not seen him wear it,” Castiel said, vexed.

Gilda sighed.

“I made Charlie a crown of flowers. She wore it for a while but now it’s hanging up in our bedroom. I don’t think they understand. They’re human, it doesn’t have the same significance for them that it does for us,” she said.

She glanced over her shoulder, looking back at the picnic blanket and the humans of which they spoke.

“They’re watching us,” Gilda said.

“Why?” Castiel asked. “We’re not doing anything interesting, we’re only talking.”

Gilda smiled. “There are a lot of things about humans you don’t understand, isn’t there?”

Castiel cocked his head to one side, waiting for her to continue, to explain her strange statement further.

“They get jealous very easily,” she said, spreading her hands out in front of her, a gesture that expressed this was a feeling Gilda did not fully understand.

“Oh,” Castiel said. “I do understand that. Once a mermaid takes a mate, they are bound together forever.”

“It’s different for fairies,” Gilda said. “We come and go. I’m odd because I want to stay with Charlie.”

“But why are they jealous about us talking?” Castiel asked, still puzzled. “I’d never leave Dean and you’d never leave Charlie.”

Gilda smiled.

“Because they’re human and they don’t understand that,” she said.

Castiel noticed for the first time how sad her smile looked.

“It’s hard, isn’t it? Not to tell them,” he said questioningly.

Gilda nodded.

“Sometimes I think it would be easier if Charlie knew the truth, sometimes I think she’d understand, but you and I both know what humans can be like,” she said, turning her face away and staring into the sun. She lifted her hand to shield her eyes.

Castiel wondered what she was thinking about. He wondered how old she was. She could be hundreds of years old. She could have seen this town built, could have seen it rise from little hamlet of a few houses and farms into this bustling seaside town. She could have seen so many people live and die. Compared to her, Castiel felt as if he was still a child.

“Let’s go back,” Gilda said suddenly, turning back to him. She linked arms with him and smiled warmly at him. “I’m glad I met you, Castiel. I think we’ll both find it much easier now we have someone who understands.”

**

“So, you and Gilda seem to get on well,” Dean said.

He glanced at Castiel out of the corner of his eye. Castiel had stretched out again, his shirt riding up, showing off a long strip of his stomach, just above the waistband of his pants. Dean found himself staring at Castiel’s sun-kissed skin. He licked his lips unconsciously. Castiel’s love of the sun, his desire to lie out in it, reminded Dean of a cat. Castiel looked just like a contented cat.

Castiel opened one eye, smiling up at Dean.

“She’s very nice, we had a lot to talk about,” he said vaguely.

Dean frowned. Gilda and Charlie had wondered off a while ago to watch the battle re-enactment that the history society was putting on. Sam had dragged Gabriel in the same direction. Adam had only had the morning off to enjoy himself with them. Once they’d finished lunch, he’d had to head back to work.

That meant that the only people left on the picnic blanket were Dean and Castiel.

“Yeah?” Dean asked. “Like what?”

Castiel opened both eyes wide, looking up at Dean.

“Are you jealous, Dean?” he asked.

“What?” Dean spluttered. “No, I’m not jealous! I just…Gilda’s dating Charlie! I don’t want Charlie to get hurt.”

Castiel smiled.

“That’s good then,” he said. “All Gilda and I talked about was you and Charlie. She loves Charlie very much.”

“Really?”

Castiel nodded firmly.

“Really.”

“I’ve just never really seen two people make friends that quickly,” Dean said.

He stretched, yawning. The sunshine was making him feel sleepy. It sounded like a good idea to him to lie down next to Castiel and join him in his lazy midday nap.

“We have a lot in common,” Castiel said. “I can assure you, I’m not interested in Gilda and she’s not interested in me. We just understand each other.”

“You’re both freaking weirdos, that’s for sure,” Dean said softly, smiling.

“You have the strangest way of complimenting someone,” Castiel said.

He wriggled, reaching down to grab the hem of his t-shirt and he pulled it up, over his head before rolling over on to his stomach.

“You’re going to burn,” Dean said.

He turned away for a moment, grabbing one of the many bags Sam had brought along with them. There was a bottle of sunscreen there. Knowing Sam, it would probably be doctor recommended and the highest factor protection he could buy.

“Do you want me to rub some sunscreen on you?” he asked Castiel, waving the bottle around even though he knew Castiel couldn’t see him. “Or you can put it on yourself, I’m not picky. I just don’t want you getting sunburned and moaning about it later.”

Castiel glanced over his shoulder at him, nodding his approval.

Dean uncapped the bottle and poured some of the sunscreen out into his hands.

“Sorry, this is probably going to be a bit cold,” he said.

He leaned over Castiel, his hands hovering over him, just above his skin. Dean found himself almost frightened to touch Castiel. He breathed in deeply and put his hands on Castiel’s back, stroking in small circles. Castiel gasped softly.

“It’s cold,” he said.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed.

He found it hard to say anything more. Castiel’s skin was warm underneath his hands and soft to the touch. Dean knew he was supposed to be spreading the sunscreen over Castiel’s back, making sure that he was completely covered and protected by it, but he found himself focusing more on rubbing out the kinks in Castiel’s back.

“You’re really tense, Cas,” he muttered, digging his fingers in a little deeper, trying to work deep into muscle.

Castiel’s only response was to moan.

Dean felt his face flush red and he stopped, his hands freezing in place. Castiel made a disappointed sound and wiggled around.

“Why did you stop? Am I done?” he asked.

Dean swallowed. He could tell Castiel that he’d finished. He could snatch his hands away, forget all about this and let Castiel get a bit of a streaky tan because he hadn’t been completely committed to his task. He could do all of that, but he didn’t.

“No, not yet. Just got to get a bit more lotion,” Dean said, grabbing the bottle.

He dribbled a little more into his hands then returned to the job of rubbing it in to Castiel’s back, making sure to get his shoulders and the tops of his arms too. He brushed his fingers lightly over the back of Castiel’s neck, getting a soft sigh from Castiel in response. Dean found himself excited to hear what noises Castiel would make next. He was so responsive to Dean’s touch, completely unreserved.

He ran his fingers down Castiel’s spine, listening with pleasure to the little whimper Castiel gave. It felt as if it was just the two of them in the world. There was no one else around as far as Dean was concerned. Everyone else had just melted away and there was only himself, Castiel and the glorious sunshine.

Gabriel’s voice, loud and knowing, floated across to them, bringing Dean back to reality with a bump.

“You look like you’re having fun!” he called.

Dean looked up to see Gabriel advance towards them over the grass. For some reason, he’d expected the other to be with him but it looked like Gabriel was on his own. He’d probably found some excuse to escape from historical education and was coming back to the picnic in the hopes of eating the last couple of brownies.

Dean reluctantly moved away from Castiel, rubbing his hands together, trying to get rid of the spare sunscreen that clung to them.

“Castiel needed some help,” he said tersely.

“You know there are kids and little old ladies around right? I should arrest you two for public indecency,” Gabriel said grinning. “Of course, that’ll be Castiel’s second offense. We might have to prosecute this time.”

“You’re not as cute as you think you are,” Dean growled.

Gabriel, still grinning, collapsed down on to the blanket at the spot nearest his cool box. He dug around and pulled out a little Tupperware box. He opened it and pulled out one of the last remaining brownies that hadn’t been eaten at lunchtime.

Dean sighed. He felt uncomfortable with the idea of touching Castiel when Gabriel was around. He’d been beginning to enjoy it too much. Gabriel had already noticed that. Dean didn’t want to listen to any more of innuendos.

He settled down on the blanket next to Castiel, closed his eyes and thought about the noises Castiel had made. He wondered just how many other sounds Castiel could make that he’d been prevented from hearing.

Maybe he’d get the chance to hear them later.

Dean smiled to himself as he thought about it.

**

By the time they headed home that night, Dean was certain that drinking alcohol and sleeping in the hot sun didn’t mix. He felt so sick; he gave Sam the keys to the car and told him to drive slowly. He rolled down his window, breathing in the fresh air. Castiel didn’t seem to feel any after effects. He sat in the back of the car, looking happy and humming along with the radio that Dean insisted they kept on, even though he turned the volume down.

Sam drove slowly and carefully. They were home within ten minutes but it felt a lot longer to Dean. He got out of the car, heading towards the house, leaving Sam and Castiel to sort themselves out.

“I feel sick, I’m going to bed,” he said.

“I’m surprised you can even get hung-over anymore,” Sam said, catching him up at the front door. He had the picnic basket in his hands.

“Extenuating circumstances,” Dean muttered, fumbling with his keys.

He finally managed to unlock the door and stumbled inside. Sam stepped in behind him.

“I’ll put things away,” he said. “It was a good day, don’t you think? You should have brought Castiel to see the re-enactment. He could have learned something about the town.”

“Castiel is an adult and he wanted to stay with me,” Dean said moodily.

“I enjoyed sunbathing,” Castiel said, popping up behind Dean.

Dean shook his head. He could have sworn Castiel wasn’t there the moment before but he must have been. He’d just been keeping quite like a rather stealthy mouse.

“We need to get you a bell,” he muttered.

“I thought you were going to bed,” Sam said cheerily.

“I’m going, I’m going,” Dean said, heading towards the stairs.

He knew Castiel was following him, he could hear his quiet footsteps on the stairs behind him, feel his presence behind him.

“You going to bed too, Cas?” he asked.

“I thought I’d have a shower first,” Castiel said. “Or maybe a bath? It was very hot today. I normally swim after sunbathing but you haven’t got a pool and I can’t go back in the sea.”

Dean paused at the top of the stairs, pondering this strange statement but he was too tired to probe further. Maybe rescuing him had had some sort of psychological effect on Castiel? Pulling a drowning man out of the sea would have made Dean feel like a hero, but maybe it had just made Castiel assess the fragility of life?

Whatever Castiel’s issue with the sea was, Dean wasn’t about to build a swimming pool in his backyard so it was probably better the man just got used to showers.

“Whatever, man. Sleep tight and all that,” he said, opening his bedroom door and stepping in to the dark room.

He shut the door behind him and shrugged off his clothes, stripping down to his boxers. He left his clothes of the floor. There was a hamper and Sam would yell at him tomorrow about not putting his clothes in it but Dean was just too tired. He got into bed, pulled the covers over his head and listened to the soft, rhythmic splashing of the shower.

That was until the almighty crash that jolted him up out of bed.

It had come from the bathroom, Dean was sure of that. Castiel had fallen or something had happened to him. His head was really pounding now but Dean jumped out of bed, flinging up his bedroom door just in time to meet Sam who’d rushed up the stairs.

“I think that was Cas,” Dean said worriedly.

“I thought it was you falling out of bed,” Sam said.

Dean rolled his eyes, pushing passed his brother and head down the landing to the bathroom.

“Cas?” he called. “Cas? Are you okay?”

He knocked on the bathroom door but there was no answer from within.

“Cas? It’s okay if you’re embarrassed, we’re all guys here. We’ve probably seen it before,” Sam said as Dean tried the door handle and found the bathroom locked. He hadn’t really expected it not to be, but he’d still hoped.

“Cas!” he said again, worried Castiel might have managed to knock himself unconscious.

There was still no noise from within the bathroom.

“Sam, I’m going to break the door down,” Dean said, getting ready to ram is shoulder against it.

“Don’t be stupid,” Sam said. “I’ll get a screwdriver; you can open the lock from this side.”

He ran downstairs and returned a few minutes later with the screwdriver. He crouched down in front of the door, carefully fiddling with the lock until a moment later there was a click and Sam stepped back away from the door.

“It should be open now,” he said, trying the door.

“No, no, don’t!” Castiel’s voice rose high and frightened from inside the bathroom, answering them finally.

The door swung open.

Castiel was lying on the floor, the shower curtain wrenched free from its rail and pulled across his body. It was pointless trying to hide himself though. He couldn’t hide the fact that instead of legs, a long, scaled tail protruded from under the curtain. He had fins. They moved feebly, Castiel trying his best to drag his body away from prying eyes.

Dean felt as if he was back on the beach, staring at Castiel in the shallows of the water, looking at him but not really seeing him for what he was. In the strong light of the bathroom it was obvious though. Dean knew this wasn’t a drunken dream.

“I knew it!” he said triumphantly. “Sam, you see this too, don’t you?”

“I see it,” Sam said, although he didn’t sound as if he believed his own eyes.

“I’m sorry!” Castiel gasped.

“How the hell did you keep this a secret?” Dean demanded.

Castiel looked startled, as if that wasn’t the question he’d been expecting.

“You both work during the day. I’ve been able to take baths and dry out before you returned,” he said. “Is that really all you want to know?”

“No,” Sam said quickly, before Dean could say anything else.

Dean was still reeling from the fact that he’d been right, that he’d known all along that Castiel wasn’t human. He didn’t particularly care that Castiel was some kind of creature. He cared that Castiel hadn’t told him. He’d let Dean go on thinking he’d swallowed too much seawater. Admittedly, Dean had never asked him about being some sort of a fish-man from the deep, but he would have expected Castiel to tell him if he was.

“Are you going to send me back?” Castiel asked.

He curled around himself again, looking small and fearful again.

Dean shook his head.

“No, we’re not,” he said decidedly.

“Can we help?” Sam asked. “I mean, how do we get you to look…how do we get your legs back?”

“Turn off the water and dry me out,” Castiel said.

“Right,” Dean murmured. “Don’t mind me.”

He climbed over Castiel, careful not to step on any part of him and stepped into the shower. The water pounded against him, soaking his hair and running down his naked back as he fiddled with the controls, eventually shutting the water off.

“Come on,” he said, turning and sliding his hands under Castiel’s arms, starting to lift him up. “Sam, grab his tail. We’re gonna get him into the spare bedroom.”

“Okay,” Sam said, although he looked uncertain.

He knelt down uncomfortably next to Castiel and wrapped his arms around the thicker part of Castiel’s tail, keeping him wrapped up in the shower curtain so he didn’t have to touch Castiel’s scales.

Slowly, gently, they lifted Castiel up from the floor and carried him carefully out of the bathroom and along to the spare room. Once they reached it, Castiel was set down on the bed and Dean got rid of the shower curtain.

“Towels, Sam,” he instructed his brother.

Sam disappeared from the bedroom and Dean took the opportunity to sit down on the bed next to Castiel.

“I knew you weren’t human. I saw you that night,” he said softly.

“I couldn’t tell you,” Castiel said, looking away from Dean. “I didn’t know that you’d seen. I didn’t know how you’d react.”

“Why did you come to find me?” Dean asked, his voice tight.

Castiel didn’t belong on land. He belonged in the ocean but he’d walked out of it and tried to pass himself off as human and Dean didn’t understand why he’d do that.

Castiel looked up at him, his eyes widening but before he could say anything, Sam arrived back with the towels.

Dean took one from him and started to rub at Castiel’s tail, trying to dry him off. He couldn’t look at Castiel while he did it, couldn’t meet his eye so he focused on the task in hand. Sam copied him, also rubbing a towel up and down Castiel’s tail.

“We’re not going to tell anyone about this,” Dean said firmly.

Sam nodded.

“There’s no telling what could happen if someone else found out,” Dean continued. “I mean it. We’re not telling Adam or Charlie or anyone.”

“Gilda knows,” Castiel said guiltily.

“How?” Dean asked, his head snapping up and he looked straight at Castiel.

“She isn’t…she’s like me,” Castiel said softly.

“She’s a mermaid?” Sam asked.

Castiel shook his head firmly.

“No, she’s something else, but we both knew the moment we saw each other. We could tell.”

“She’s not dangerous to Charlie, is she?” Dean asked quickly.

Castiel looked shocked.

“No!” he said angrily. “Gilda loves Charlie. She’d never hurt her.”

“Well I don’t know that, do I? I’m not an expert on fairy tale creatures,” Dean said.

“So Gilda knows,” Sam interrupted, trying to pour oil on troubled waters. “And Dean and I know, but no one else does? That’s right, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s only the three of you who have any idea,” Castiel said.

“And that’s the way we’re going to keep it,” Dean said firmly.

He redoubled his efforts, rubbing at Castiel’s tail vigorously and slowly, he saw the fruits of his labor. First Castiel’s fins changed, becoming feet and toes, and then his tail split, becoming legs. Dean stopped looking at him after that point and threw Castiel the towel so he could finish himself off. Dean didn’t need to see Castiel completely naked after his transformation.

Sam handed his own towel to Castiel, his cheeks slightly pink.

“Do you want us to leave you alone to finish, Cas?” he asked.

“Yes, I should be fine now,” Castiel said. He looked at Dean, his eyes soft and sad. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Dean. I just...”

“I know,” Dean said quietly.

He did know why Castiel couldn’t tell him. It seemed unreal. It sounded as if it was made up. Dean might feel angry, hurt that Castiel hadn’t confided the truth in him but he did understand why he couldn’t. Dean had already made it clear they couldn’t tell anyone else about Castiel. It was dangerous. Castiel could be taken away, experimented on, paraded around on television. Dean didn’t want that to happen to him.

“Look, Cas, me and Sam, we’ll keep you safe. We won’t let anyone find out about you,” he promised.

Castiel looked at him gratefully.

“Thank you, Dean,” he murmured.

Dean stretched, yawning. He was exhausted, overwhelmed by this latest discovery and his underwear was wet from where he’d got in the shower to help Castiel. He felt uncomfortable and tired. He wanted to strip off and go to sleep. Things were decidedly odd, but they’d look better after a good night’s sleep.

“Come on, Sam,” he said, clapping his brother on his back. “Let’s give Cas some privacy. Night, Cas.”

He led Sam out into the hallway and shut the spare room door behind him. For a moment, both he and Sam stood in silence, glancing at each other. Dean didn’t know what to say. He almost wanted to laugh at the whole situation but he thought that was his exhaustion creeping in.

Sam smiled at him.

“You’re really lucky, Dean,” he said.

“How so?” Dean asked, not seeing what Sam was getting at.

“I can’t think of anyone else who’d be pulled out of the sea by a mermaid,” Sam said.

“I didn’t think they existed,” Dean said, shaking his head.

It really didn’t sound possible, even though he knew it was.

“Like I said, you’re lucky.”

Sam headed off downstairs, obviously considering that the end of their conversation. Dean shook his head again, deciding that he was too tired to try and make sense of Sam, not on top of Castiel’s revelation. He headed into his own room, shutting his door and stripping out of his boxers. He got back into bed, pulled the sheet over him and shut his eyes tight.

It took him a long time to fall asleep but when he did; his dreams were filled with water and the form of Castiel swimming through it, flicking his long, black tail behind him as he went.

**

The atmosphere in the house had been tense. Mostly, Dean had to admit it was his fault. He was nervous and jumpy, glaring accusingly at Sam when he called Gabriel, half-convinced he was spilling their secret to his boyfriend. He was unwilling to have people around for fear of a repeat performance of Castiel’s bathroom antics.

It was almost a relief to leave the house and decamp to the last night of the Carnival. It was a tacky, odd, old-fashioned Carnival with rides that creaked and games that were rigged but Dean loved it. He loved the cotton candy; he loved the sound of the music they played.

The only thing he didn’t like about it was the creepy freak show but that wasn’t an integral part of the Carnival. It stood off to the side, away from all the bright lights and fun. Dean had been a few times when he was a teenager, just to say he’d seen it and it had been horrible. It had left a bad taste in his mouth and the fact that he’d paid money to see it had made him feel guilty. People like Dean, going just to say they’d been, just out of curiosity or on a dare, were the reason the freak show stayed alive.

Dean preferred to stay under the bright lights of the Carnival. He liked the smiling, happy, nosy side of it. That was the side he wanted Castiel to enjoy.

“Charlie said she’ll be here at eight. Adam isn’t coming and Gabriel has to work, so for the moment it’s just you and me,” he said, throwing his arm around Castiel’s shoulder and grinning at him.

“And me,” Sam reminded him.

“And Sam,” Dean added, not at all disappointed to have his brother along. He’d counted Sam as part of him. They were always together.

Castiel smiled shyly at him.

“Where should we go first?” he asked.

“How about rides first and then food?” Sam suggested. “You don’t want to feel sick on the Ferris wheel. Dean, you don’t do well with any of the high rides so I can go on those with Castiel.”

“I can manage the Ferris wheel!” Dean protested.

“He says that every year, but he still hates it when he gets up there,” Sam said, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “One year, he screamed so loud they had to stop the ride and get him off.”

“I was ten,” Dean said, glaring at Sam. “Now I just shut my eyes and hum until it’s over.”

“Maybe we should skip that ride,” Castiel said. “There are lots of other rides and I want to try cotton candy.”

“You’re always looking out for me, aren’t you?” Dean said, nudging Castiel and grinning. “Okay, we’ll go on something else. Sam can pick.”

They ended up on the carrousel. Dean grouched that it was exactly the sort of ride Sam would have picked, being flowery and girly. Most of the other people in line were families with small children and teenage girls. Dean considering getting out of line and letting Sam and Castiel go on their own, but Castiel seemed so enchanted by the carrousel that he couldn’t.

Castiel stroked his fingers over the wooden, lacquered horse, completely amazed but it and Dean had to help him to climb up before the ride started. He grabbed the horse behind Castiel and Sam ended up on some oversized swan that had been included by the ambitious person who’d built the carrousel.

They went around and around to the waltz music and Dean wished he had a camera with him so he could take a picture of Castiel. He also wished he could also take a picture of Sam for blackmail material later, but he was more interested in Castiel for the moment. He loved the fact that this was all new to Castiel. He was amazed and delighted by everything. It was fascinating to rediscover the world through his eyes.

Dean wanted to help him experience everything he could.

In the end, the ride was over far too quickly for Dean’s liking.

“What do you want to go on next?” Sam asked.

He looked happy, his cheeks were glowing. It made Dean smile to think of how much his brother resembled an oversized puppy, eager and excited to get into everything.

“Bumper cars?” Dean suggested.

“He just likes them because he can smash into people,” Sam said, directing his comment towards Castiel.

“I think Dean is a very careful driver,” Castiel said.

He didn’t say that once they’d finished on the bumper cars. He rubbed the back of his neck and glared at Dean.

“Sam did try to warn you,” Dean said, shrugging his shoulders.

“You drive too fast and without proper due care and attention to other drivers,” Castiel said.

“That’s the point of bumper cars, Cas, you’re supposed to try and smack into other people,” Dean said, rolling his eyes.

“It still hurt,” Castiel said peevishly.

“I’m going to grab a drink,” Sam said. He’d been walking next to them, rubbing at his own bruises, obviously contemplating what he wanted to do next. “Should I get you guys something?”

“I’m fine,” Dean said and Castiel shook his head.

“Okay, where are you gonna be?” Sam asked.

“We’ll just go for a walk,” Dean said.

He waved his hand in the direction of the dark space between the carnival and the freak show. It was quieter there. He’d be able to hear himself think properly. That was where people went when they wanted a bit of time to themselves or to just get a few breaths of air that wasn’t tainted by the scent of fried food. Dean loved fried food but he wasn’t planning to eat until later in the evening, not until Charlie arrived. His stomach however grumbled every time they went near the smell of something cooking.

Sam nodded.

“I’ll look for you there then,” he said, turning and jogging off into the crowd.

“Come on,” Dean said, jerking his head in the direction he wanted to go. He strode off, hands in his pockets, knowing that Castiel would be following at his heels.

They walked in silence for a little while, heading steadily away from the loud whirl of the rides, the shouting and the screaming, the music that was all bright and cheerful. Dean cast a glance towards the tent that housed the freak show. A man was standing outside, smoking a cigarette. He was wearing the typical ringleader’s outfit, a red suit and hat with gold buttons along the breast. He looked bored. It wouldn’t be until later that people really geared themselves up to visit his horrible, dingy little show.

The man caught Dean’s eye and smiled unpleasantly at him. Dean looked away quickly.

He expected the man to call out to him, to try and convince Dean to visit but he didn’t. Maybe he was on a break or maybe he just knew instinctively that Dean wasn’t his target audience? Dean didn’t know but he was grateful that he didn’t have to deal with that.

The night was warm. Dean felt uncomfortably sticky. Castiel trailed after him like a shadow.

They hadn’t been alone together since that fleeting moment in the spare bedroom, when Castiel had been scaly and inhuman. Sometimes Dean couldn’t quite get it into his head that Castiel could be both a man and that fish-creature. When he thought about that tail, he felt strange. Castiel wasn’t natural and Dean wasn’t used to that yet.

He liked Castiel but he still found himself looking at him sometimes and seeing him as he’d been then. It was hard to believe that something he’d only read about in fairy tales could turn out to be real and even harder to believe that Castiel would want to show himself to save Dean’s life.

“You never did tell me why you looked for me,” Dean said, tossing the words back over his shoulder at Castiel. He tried to make it sound as if he didn’t care but inside he was burning to know why Castiel had come to town, why he’d tried to find him.

Castiel stopped.

“Do you really not know?” he asked. He sounded hurt.

Dean turned to look at him. There was a space between them now that hadn’t been there before, a physical gap. Castiel was standing away from him, looking at Dean as if Dean was the one who was unbelievable.

“No, I don’t know, Cas. I guess, maybe you thought I needed your help or your protection,” Dean said awkwardly.

“Where is the necklace I gave you?” Castiel asked.

The change of topic took Dean by surprise. It seemed to come out of nowhere.

“In the car. I kind of left them in the glove compartment,” he said slowly, guiltily. “I know they’re expensive, Castiel. I know I should have put them somewhere safe, I’m sorry!”

Castiel took a deep breath, his shoulders shaking and Dean couldn’t tell if it was with repressed anger or if he was trying not to cry.

Dean stared at him, trying to work out what he’d done wrong. He thought he knew. He suspected it. It had been the elephant in the room since Castiel had arrived but Dean had pushed it away every time someone had suggested it. Everyone had thought they were a couple at first. Dean had denied it. He’d blocked it out and firmly refused to acknowledge it but now it seemed he should have faced it head on because it wasn’t just his friends and family who’d got the wrong idea.

It was Castiel too.

“We exchanged gifts,” Castiel said, his voice tight. “I gave you those as a sign of my purity. The fact that you have them means you are my chosen mate. You gave me this ring! You chose me!” He held his hand up and Dean stared at the stupid ring, wishing he had left it at the bottom of the ocean and forgotten all about it.

“Cas, I gave that to you because you saved my life,” Dean said agitatedly.

He didn’t want to have this argument. He wanted to walk away but he couldn’t.

“I told you that I was yours, I told you what it meant,” Castiel said.

Dean shook his head. “I was drunk, I don’t remember! All most all of that evening is a blur, Cas.”

“You kissed me!” Castiel said.

“No,” Dean said firmly. “I remember that bit, you kissed me.”

Castiel looked at him, his heartbreak and confusion plainly written on his face.

“I don’t understand. I left to be with you,” he said softly.

Dean shook his head. He knew it was true. He knew that with every word and every action, Castiel had been telling him how much he loved him. He’d wanted something that Dean hadn’t planned on giving him. Dean had pushed him away, he’d hidden his head in the sand but he couldn’t ignore it any longer. Castiel had brought it all to a head and now Dean was going to have to make it clear exactly how he felt.

“Cas, if I’d know that was what you’d think when I gave you the ring, I would never have given it to you,” he said quietly. “I’m not interested in you like that. I’m not really interested in guys. I just had my heartbroken, Castiel. I bought that ring to give to a woman. I was going to ask her to marry me.”

Castiel looked down at the ring on his finger, horror flashing across his face.

“I didn’t…this is a misunderstanding,” Dean said, taking a step towards him. “Cas, you’re my friend. I’m always going to be grateful to you, you saved my life, but I don’t feel like that about you.”

He tried to reach out, tried to touch Castiel’s arm but Castiel drew away from him.

“Don’t touch me,” he said and his voice was venomous. “You don’t know what you’ve done to me.”

“I haven’t done anything,” Dean snapped, angrily. “You did this yourself! You’re the one who got it in to his head to climb out of the sea and run after the first man you met.”

“That’s not true!” Castiel said. “I…I knew you. I’d seen you. I was in love with you.”

Dean laughed, shaking his head in disbelief.

“That’s not love! You didn’t know me. You didn’t know anything about me. You still don’t know me, Cas. You’re just confused and you should go back where you came from and stop thinking this is going to work out between us because it isn’t!”

He turned away from Castiel and started to march back towards the Carnival. He felt guilty and that wasn’t fair. He hadn’t asked Castiel to leave his home to be with him. He hadn’t lead Castiel on. He’d tried to be a friend and Castiel had taken it too far.

He expected Castiel to run after him, to shout after him but there was nothing but silence behind him.

Dean didn’t look back. He wouldn’t let himself. He headed towards the light and the noise, feeling sick to his stomach and no longer in the mood to be out, enjoying himself. He wanted to drink like the night he’d lost Lisa. He wanted to swallow down so much whiskey that his gut rolled and his throat burned and the taste of it drowned out the hollow, awful feeling that felt like it would consume him.

He almost ran straight in to Sam.

“Careful!” Sam said, holding his drink up high, out of Dean’s way. A little of it sloshed over the side of the big red plastic cup it was in and Dean could see that it was only soda. “I was just coming to find you,” Sam continued. “Where’s Cas?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” Dean said angrily.

“Are you two fighting?” Sam asked.

“No, we’re not fighting. I just told him some home truths and he’s sulking out there,” Dean said, waving his hand in the direction of the dark open space. “Where did you get your drink? Did they have beer?”

“Dean,” Sam said warningly.

“I don’t want a lecture, Sam. I’m an adult and if I fucking want to drink then I can,” Dean snarled, sidestepping his brother and heading in the direction of the nearest truck. He knew Sam was following him. He heard his brother’s sigh of disappointment from near his left shoulder.

He’d get something to drink and order the biggest burger they had and maybe by the time he was finished, Castiel would be back and he’d understand why Dean had said the things he’d said.

And maybe when he was drunk enough, Dean could work out why it hurt him so much to say those things to Castiel.

**

Castiel stood in the grass, feeling as if his legs might give out under him. He stared after Dean, unable to come up with anything to say. He wanted to shout at him, wanted to tell Dean that none of this was fair. Dean didn’t know what Castiel had given up to be with him. He didn’t know how long Castile had loved him. He had loved him, even when it was from afar, even when Dean wouldn’t believe that it could have been real.

He’d loved Dean more since he’d met him and come to realize exactly just how wonderful a man he was. Castiel had never regretted the life he was leaving behind until this moment because he had never truly believed that Dean would spurn his advances. He thought that Dean understood. He’d thought that Dean had felt what he’d felt on the beach and that their connection had been immediate and profound.

Now he found that he had been lying to himself all along. His stupidity, his naivety, stung.

He’d fallen in love with a human and he’d damned himself to be with the man. Castiel was every cautionary tale he had never listened to.

He couldn’t follow Dean now. He couldn’t go back to Dean’s house but he couldn’t go back to the sea either. He was adrift and alone, with nowhere to belong. It terrified him.

There was a noise behind him, the rustle of grass as someone moved through it and Castiel turned to look at a man dressed in a strange costume. The man exhaled slowly, a cloud of smoke billowing from his mouth towards Castiel. Castiel coughed, turning his head away.

“I couldn’t help overhearing,” the man said. “And it sounds as if you have a problem.”

“It’s fine, I don’t need help,” Castiel said, straightening up a little, shoulder’s snapping back.

He still remembered Dean’s words of warning. Other people couldn’t be trusted.

The man sighed, having reached the end of his cigarette. He dropped the smoldering end of it on the ground beside his foot and stepped on it, grinding it down into the ground with the toe of his shoe.

“I don’t think it is fine. I think you’ve stranded yourself out here for a man and now he’s walked off and abandoned you,” the man said, his dark eyes flickering to Castiel’s face, reading him like an open book.

“You don’t know anything about me,” Castiel said, feeling color rushing to his cheeks.

The way the man spoke reminded Castiel of the way Gilda spoke, the way his family spoke. He understood, in his archaic way, the laws that governed Castiel. He understood the fact that Castiel was not human.

Castiel peered at him, trying to make out what he was but the man appeared to be nothing more than mortal.

“What are you?” Castiel asked slowly.

The man smiled. It was an unpleasant smile. He offered his hand out for Castiel to shake.

“My name is Crowley and I am in charge of this little enterprise,” he said, gesturing around him at the carnival and at the tent behind them. “I own all of it, although my show is my favorite part, personally.”

“I’m Castiel,” Castiel said. He shook the man’s hand quickly and politely then wiped his fingers on his jeans.

“I’m not one of you, you creatures, but I do understand you,” Crowley continued. “I’ve seen a lot of you in my time. Your type drift towards places like this. You don’t belong in the mainstream. I take you in, look after you, feed you and give you a job. You’re from the sea, your man said. What are you? Selkie? Mermaid?”

Castiel swallowed. He felt as if the man could see everything about him clearly. He probably didn’t even need Castiel’s answer but Castiel still gave it to him.

“I’m a mermaid.”

Crowley nodded thoughtfully.

“And since you left your home, you can’t go back now?” he guessed.

Castiel didn’t say anything. He was sure the man could see it written on his face. Even if he’d wanted to speak, he wasn’t sure he could. His tongue felt like stone, heavy and cumbersome.

“Would you like to stay with me?” Crowley asked. “I can take care of you and you’ll be around others like yourself. You won’t be alone. I’ll give you a job and you’ll be useful. There are much worse places you could end up.”

“Yes,” Castiel said finally, after it felt like hours had passed. His voice was small, barely a whisper.

He didn’t want to leave Dean but he couldn’t go back to him. Dean had told him he didn’t want him, couldn’t ever want him and Castiel was too in love with him to ever accept that they could only be friends. The best thing he could do for Dean was leave. Dean had said the Carnival was packing up soon. It would be gone by tomorrow evening. Castiel would have a new life on the road with new friends. He would make something of himself and Dean could be happy without him.

It was the best thing he could imagine. He had made so many mistakes but at least Crowley offered him a chance to fix them now.

“Come with me,” Crowley said, draping an arm around Castiel’s shoulder.

He led him towards the dark folds of the tent.

Castiel glanced back over his shoulder, just once, hoping to catch a final glimpse of Dean but there was just the blur of the crowd behind him. He gave up looking and allowed Crowley to usher him in to the tent.

As soon as his eyes accustomed to the gloom, Castiel realized he had made a terrible mistake but it was too late.

There was no-one around to hear his screams or to worry when Crowley silenced them.

**

The Carnival was almost empty. There were only the stragglers around now, the people who were drunk or too unwilling to go home just yet. Charlie had begged off a few hours ago, reminding Dean that they would need to work tomorrow. She’d gone home, leaving Sam and Dean behind. Dean had drunk some weak, horrible beer that he’d paid through the nose for and he’d eaten his weight in fried meat but he wasn’t feeling any better.

“Dean,” Sam said quietly. “It’s getting late. I don’t think Cas is here.”

“I’m not going until everyone’s left, Sam,” Dean said.

“What if Cas has already walked home? He could be there now and you wouldn’t know,” Sam countered.

“And what if he’s still here?” Dean said. “There’s too many what-ifs, Sammy.”

He dug his hand in his pocket and pulled out his car keys, handing them to his brother.

“Go home, get some sleep. Call me if Cas is there. I’ll walk home, I shouldn’t drive now anyway,” he said.

Sam sighed, seeming torn between leaving like Dean suggested or staying by his brother’s side. Eventually he got up, leaving Dean there alone.

Dean listened for the sound of the Impala’s engine starting up and turned his head to see the headlights of his car come on bright and full as Sam drove off. Dean ran a hand through his hair and looked back at the stragglers, scanning their faces, trying to see Castiel in the people left behind.

Dean knew that there was always the possibility that Castiel had left already, but not to go back to the house. He might have gone back to the sea and Dean would never see him again.

It shouldn’t matter if that was the case. Dean had told him they couldn’t be together. He’d made it clear just where he stood on the issue but that didn’t mean he never wanted to see Castiel ever again. He cared about him, even if he didn’t think he could love him in the way Castiel wanted.

Dean buried his head in his hands. His mouth tasted like undercooked meat and grease. He felt sick to his stomach. His eyes hurt. He was exhausted and he just wanted Castiel to come back so he could take him home.

After another hour of waiting, Dean realized that it wasn’t going to happen. Sam wasn’t going to ring him from home to tell him Castiel was tucked up asleep. He wasn’t going to catch sight of Castiel walking aimlessly around the silent rides and empty stalls.

Castiel had gone and Dean had to admit that it was his fault.

He’d driven Castiel away and it hurt like hell.

**

Dean finally got home in the early hours of the morning. He crawled in to bed, told himself that Castiel would be there in the morning and forced himself to sleep. His sleep was fretful and interrupted. He convinced himself that he heard noises outside – the banging of the door, the creek of footsteps on the stairs, but there was never anyone there.

He dreamed horrible dreams when he did sleep. Dreams where he was drowning again, slowly suffocating but Castiel wasn’t there. Dean knew, with the certainty of the dream, that he would never be there because Dean had sent him away.

Castiel still wasn’t there when his alarm went off in the morning. Dean dragged himself out of bed, told Sam to text him if there was any word and went to work.

Charlie had already opened the shop. Dean went through the motions, his actions mechanical. He drank too much coffee, asked Charlie if Castiel had gone home with her and Gilda and tried not to be too disappointed when Charlie shook her head and told him she hadn’t seen Castiel since the picnic.

There were no messages on his phone.

Dean drove home the long way, taking the winding coastal path that took him to the beach where he’d first met Castiel. He took off his shoes, rolled up his trousers and waded into the water, standing in the shallows.

“Castiel!” he called. “Cas!”

He waited for a moment but there was no reply. Overhead, gulls called to each other, circling as they looked for food. There was the noise of the ocean but no low, gruff voice. No Castiel answering him. No Castiel even sulking and not answering him, but still there, still visible.

“Cas! Please, I’m sorry. I made a mistake,” Dean shouted.

The gulls cried out loudly, obviously unsettled by the strange man standing on the beach, yelling at the sea. Dean knew he looked stupid. He knew he was calling for someone who probably couldn’t even hear him but he kept trying.

He stood there for as long as he could stand it, the sun baking down on his back, shouting Castiel’s name till his throat was sore and his eyes stung and his lips tasted of sea salt. He headed back to his car and drove slowly home, peering out of the window at the water, hoping to catch some glimpse of Castiel. Even the flick of his tail would have been reassuring but there was no sign that Dean saw.

He arrived home, completely at loss to know what to do next. He could tell Jody Castiel was missing, he supposed, and try to arrange a search party but he might easily have gone back to the sea. Then Dean would be wasting everybody’s time and money. If Castiel had returned home, then he didn’t want Dean around and Dean would have to accept that. He didn’t want to but he’d try his hardest.

He parked in the driveway and trudged in to the house.

There were voices in the kitchen. For one moment, Dean’s heart leapt in his chest but then he listen properly and his excitement died down. It was a woman’s voice, soft and low, that he heard. There was a woman in the kitchen talking with Sam. Dean listened for a little bit longer before he finally placed that voice.

It was Gilda.

He slipped off his shoes by the front door and padded in to the kitchen. Sam and Gilda were sat at the table. Sam had a coffee cup in front of him; Gilda had a glass of water. Dean glanced around for Charlie but she didn’t seem to be there. That was unusual. He hardly ever saw Gilda on her own. It wasn’t that she wasn’t a nice person; it was just that Charlie was Dean’s friend. Gilda was her significant other. It had just been how it worked up until now.

“Dean, you’re home,” Sam said, getting up out of his chair. “Do you want some coffee? You’ve been out ages.”

“I was looking for Cas,” Dean said, slumping down into Sam’s vacated chair.

He suddenly felt how tired he was. His whole body ached. He felt light-headed and dizzy. He’d hardly eaten anything all day and he’d survived on cups of coffee. Sam seemed to realize that he might need something because he took a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water from the tap.

“Here,” he said, putting the glass down in front of Dean. “Drink this.”

Dean did gratefully. He was so thirsty.

Gilda glanced at Sam and licked her lips. She seemed to find some encouragement in Sam’s face because she looked away from him, towards Dean instead.

“I suppose you know about me?” she asked. “Sam told me you know about Castiel, about what he is.”

“Yeah,” Dean said slowly. “Cas told me, not everything, but he explained a bit.”

The color drained from Gilda’s face for a second. It was obvious she’d guessed that Dean and Sam might know but she still wasn’t comfortable about her true nature being discussed. The color returned slowly to her cheeks but she still looked uncomfortable.

“Please, don’t tell Charlie,” she said.

“I think Charlie would find it cool,” Dean said with a shrug. “But it isn’t my place to tell her anything.”

He waited, watching Gilda, still not sure why she was there. He gathered that Castiel shouldn’t have told him about her. He licked his lips, wanting to defend Castiel, explain why Castiel hadn’t been able to lie to him.

“I kept asking him about you, about why the two of you were suddenly so close. I was worried about it. Don’t blame Cas,” Dean said. He took another sip of his water, his throat feeling tight and uncomfortable.

Gilda tilted her head to one side, the movement elegant. She looked serene for a second, as if she was seeing something in Dean that he couldn’t see in himself. She didn’t look frightened any longer.

“I’ve come about Castiel,” she said.

Dean put his glass down quickly.

“Do you know where he is?”

“No,” Gilda answered, shaking her head. “If I knew where he was, I would tell you, Dean. I can tell you where he isn’t, though. He can’t go back to the sea. He’ll be shunned by his kind if he does. It’s not well received, what he did, leaving to be with a human. He made his choice and now he has to stay here.”

Dean felt as if he’d been punched in the gut.

Castiel had given up everything he’d ever known for Dean, because he thought he loved Dean, and Dean had thrown it all back in his face. He wished that Castiel had never pulled him out of the sea, that the two of them had never met because then Castiel would be happy and safe at home, not lost somewhere in a world he didn’t understand.

He swallowed hard.

“Gilda, if you see Castiel, would you tell me? I’ll find a way to fix this for him,” Dean said quietly.

Gilda nodded.

“Of course,” she said. “If I see Castiel, I’ll let you know.”

She stood up then, pushing her chair back and looked at Dean sadly for a moment before she patted him on the shoulder, the gesture meant to comfort but it just made Dean feel worse.

“I’ll let myself out,” she said. “Don’t worry, Dean. I’m sure we’ll find him.”

Dean nodded, although he didn’t feel the same certainty that Gilda seemed to. He wasn’t even sure that she really believed it or if she was saying it to reassure him. He felt as if Gilda might see more than he did, as if she might be able to see patterns in the past and the future, and she was filled with a confidence he didn’t share.

Gilda’s hand rested on his shoulder for just a moment longer, squeezing gently, before she pulled away and headed towards the front door. A moment later there was the sound of it closing gently behind her.

Dean had never really though too much about Gilda. He’d always seen her as part of Charlie, as quiet and unexciting, but now the kitchen felt empty without her presence. Although Dean hadn’t realized it before, she had a quiet power that radiated from her. He realized it now in her absence.

Sam leant against the sink, not eager to settle down at the table with Dean, not eager to talk either.

Dean though he understood how Sam felt. He was consumed by thoughts, worrying about Castiel. He couldn’t think of anything to say that summed up what he was feeling. Everything seemed too big, too awful and Dean shied away from emotions like that. He didn’t want to feel so overwhelmed but he was.

“I’ve fucked up, Sam,” Dean said after the silence got too much for him.

“How?” Sam asked.

“I told Castiel I didn’t love him, that I couldn’t love him.”

“Dean, you told him the truth. That isn’t bad. You can’t force yourself to fall in love with someone and you can’t force yourself to feel attracted if you’re not,” Sam said. He wrapped his arms around himself, hugging himself tightly. “I’m sorry we teased you about Castiel and about…it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks and I should have told Gabriel to knock it off. It wasn’t funny.”

Dean shook his head.

“No, you don’t understand Sam,” he said. “I do love Castiel.”

“Dean,” Sam said cautiously.

“I know,” Dean said. “I know! I’m fucked up, Sam.”

“You’re not,” Sam started but Dean interrupted him.

“Yes, I am! I thought I was in love with Lisa but I wasn’t. I loved the idea of her, I loved what I thought we could be but I didn’t love her. As soon as I met Castiel, I hardly even thought about her,” Dean said, the words pouring out of him. He’d been mulling them over since he stood staring into the sea, realizing just how much he’d lost.

“But everything you did after Lisa broke up with you?”

“I got drunk, my feelings were hurt and I threw the engagement ring away. Then wanted it back so I could sell it and get my money back,” Dean said, clenching his hands in front of him. “I’m not a great guy, Sam. I didn’t go into the water because I was heart-broken or because I wanted something that reminded me of Lisa. I went in because I wanted the money back! Castiel saved me and after that I didn’t care about money or about anything. I just cared about him!”

Sam drew out a chair, sitting down at the table next to Dean. He reached out, grabbing hold of Dean’s hand and squeezed it tightly.

“We’ll find him, Dean,” he promised.

“I have to find him, Sam,” Dean said quietly. “I have to. I’m such an asshole. I didn’t even realize how I felt until he wasn’t there.”

“It’ll be okay, it will,” Sam said.

Dean swallowed down the lump in his throat and looked away from Sam. His eyes were wet and he hated himself for the way that once he’d opened his mouth, everything just poured out. He knew that Sam didn’t mind, that Sam would probably think it was better for him to get everything out in the open like this. Dean didn’t feel that way though. He felt vulnerable and it was a feeling he hated.

He wished he’d never opened his heart to Castiel, but it had been something that had happened without him even realizing it. Castiel had got under his skin and now Dean didn’t want to live without him.

He was frightened he was going to have to learn how to though.

**

Days turned into weeks, weeks became months and the summer ended. The leaves started to turn gold and red, then fall from the trees and there was no word from Castiel. Dean had thought he would have been in contact with Gilda, at least, even if he didn’t want to see Dean again, but no one had seen him.

Dean felt as if he was going through the motions. He went to work, he came home and in his spare time, he looked for Castiel. He kept hoping that he’d see him, that one day he’d be walking down the street and Castiel would just be there, but it hadn’t happened yet. He searched all the places he could think Castiel would go. He’d been to homeless shelters, the local hospitals, even the morgue to identify any possible John Doe that could have been Castiel but so far, everyone he’d met had been a stranger.

On his darkest days, Dean thought that finding a body would be better than simply never knowing where Castiel was or what had happened to him. He found himself having dark thoughts more often than he had before. It was too ease to sink into despair, to come home in the evening and just hit the bottle.

Sam forced him to try and keep positive. He accompanied Dean on the weekends, going with him as Dean drove further and further afield in his search. He made missing person posters with an accurate, in-depth description of Castiel and the clothes he’d been wearing when they’d last seen him and plastered them all over the neighborhood.

They didn’t have a photograph of Castiel. Dean wished that he’d taken pictures of him – hundreds of them, thousands of them. He didn’t want to forget anything about Castiel but he thought his memory was treacherous and as Sam reminded him when he reached for the whiskey, he was drinking away his brain cells.

Charlie had mocked him up a webpage with an email address attached so someone could get in contact with Dean if they saw Castiel, but so far his inbox remained empty.

Even Gabriel was being surprisingly supportive. He kept an eye out for reports of John Doe’s brought into the local hospitals or morgues. He’d even accompanied Dean a few times when the description had matched Castiel so perfectly that Dean was certain he was going to identify a dead or near-dying Castiel. Gabriel had driven him then. They hadn’t talked, they hadn’t looked at each other, Gabriel had just put on the radio and smoothed thing out with the local law enforcement when they got there.

When the guy they were looking at wasn’t Castiel, when it as time to drive away, Gabriel turned the radio up even louder. He seemed to understand better than anyone that sometimes Dean couldn’t be positive. He got that Dean feared the worst. He guessed Gabriel did too. What was Castiel going to do? He had no money, no papers or identification. He couldn’t get a job, not a legal one. The most likely place he’d end up was on the streets and Dean shuddered every time he thought about what Castiel might be doing to provide for himself.

Gabriel seemed to get that. Dean had joked before about how little Gabriel worked, but he saw now that it wasn’t true. Gabriel made phone calls, he followed up leads. He spent time just badgering other sheriff’s departments to see if they had any news for him.

The fact that there was no news, no matter how much they looked, made Dean uneasy. He knew what Gilda had said. He knew that Castiel would be shunned if he went home but that didn’t mean he hadn’t decided to face up to that and head home.

In one moment of desperation he’d written a letter to Castiel, put it in a bottle and thrown it in to the sea. He’d found the same bottle washed up on the shore a few days later. His note to Castiel was gone. For a moment, he’d had some hoped that Castiel had found it, that he’d read it but a few days later he came down to the beach to find writing scrawled in the sand. ‘Castiel isn’t here’ it ran, mocking his hope before the tide came in and washed the words away.

Dean found himself, for the first time in his life, praying for a miracle. He didn’t know what he expected, just some sign to point him in Castiel’s direction or a second chance to put things right between them.

His miracle, when it came, came from Sam.

At first it was just a garbled answer phone message left while Sam was away in another town on a business trip. He’d driven passed the old Carnival that came through their town every summer and he was going to ask around there, see if any of the people who worked there remembered Castiel at all.

The second message Sam left was loud and clear.

He’d found Castiel, he was coming home and Dean needed to prepare himself for some bad news.

Dean played the two messages over and over again until he heard the sound of Sam’s keys in the lock.

**

“He doesn’t want to come back, does he?” Dean asked.

Sam dropped his briefcase. He looked ruffled and flustered. There were dark circles under his eyes. He’d driven home as fast as he could and Dean had prepared himself for bad news, just like Sam had told him to.

“No, it’s worse than that. He’s in that Freak Show. Dean, he’s just lying there in the water, not moving. I think he’s dying.”

Dean swallowed hard. He had never considered that Castiel would end up there. No matter how dark his thoughts had got, he had never thought Castiel would be on display, paraded around the country.

He’d be gaped and gawked at, laughed at, because people didn’t believe he was a real mermaid, just a trick thought up by the Carnival owner.

“Did you talk to him?” he asked.

“I knocked on the glass, I tried to get his attention but he didn’t even look up. Dean, it was awful,” Sam suppressed a shudder as he spoke. “We have to get him out of there.”

“Okay, we’ll go now, I’ll drive all night if I have to,” Dean said.

He wouldn’t leave Castiel in that hellhole for one minute longer than he had to. He didn’t know what he was going to do when he got to the Carnival, he didn’t have any set plan. He just knew that he needed to get Castiel away from that place. He needed to rescue Castiel, like Castiel had rescued him.

“I have a plan,” Sam said slowly. “But I don’t think you’re going to like it. It involves Gabriel.”

“Why do we need Gabriel?” Dean asked with a growl.

“I thought he’d make a good distraction,” Sam said stubbornly. “He’s got the uniform and he’s got the police car. We need to get in and out quickly, don’t we? If there’s a struggle, if the owner calls the cops, then that’s Castiel’s secret blown.”

“But you think Gabriel would be able to keep it a secret?” Dean demanded. “He gossips more than anyone I’ve ever met, Sam!”

“I know you don’t like him, Dean, but you have to trust me on this,” Sam said. “Gabriel is a good man. He doesn’t like injustices and he doesn’t like people being hurt. He’ll look out for Castiel. He won’t tell anyone. I believe in him.”

Sam sounded so confident, so sure of himself, that Dean found himself believing too. Sam saw the capacity for good in everyone. If he thought Gabriel could keep their secret, then Gabriel could keep it. He’d do it because Sam wanted him to, because he didn’t want to betray the trust Sam had placed in him.

Dean knew that feeling. He’d tried his hardest to live up to Sam’s ideals, to be the sort of man who his brother could be proud of. He knew that he often fell short of it, that Sam didn’t still look up to him the way he’d done when he was a little kid, but Dean still knew the pressure of wanting to make sure Sam’s belief in him wasn’t wasted.

He found himself with a grudging amount of respect for Gabriel. He’d been trying, even when Dean rebuffed him, to build a friendship between the two of them for Sam’s sake. Sam wanted them to get on, so Gabriel kept trying. He’d help them now because Sam asked him to.

“Okay, give him a call,” Dean said.

He still wasn’t convinced they should be involving other people, but he saw the sense in Sam’s plan. Sam had had time to think this out. He’d had time to plan and to imagine, to think about all the possible outcomes. Dean was just acting on instinct. He wanted to smash and grab, to protect Castiel against everything. Sam was thinking about this far more practically than Dean was able to do.

Sam nodded. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed a few buttons. In a moment, he was involved in a murmured conversation. Dean caught snatches of it, but he wasn’t focusing on Sam. He was focusing on the fact that Castiel was suddenly so much closer than he’d been for months. He found himself pacing up and down the length of their hall, excited and jumpy, filled with a nervous anxiety that if they didn’t act now, this moment, Castiel would be gone forever.

Sam snapped his phone shut, bringing Dean back to the reality of the here and now.

“Gabriel’s coming over,” he said. “How do you want to break the news to him?”

Dean shrugged.

“He’s your boyfriend, you know him better. Maybe we should make hand puppets and use small words?”

Sam glared at him but Dean felt himself relax. It was normal for him to tease Sam and he needed that moment of normality. Things were about to become very, very strange.

**

Gabriel sat back, looking at them incredulously. He spread his hands out wide before him, apparently completely lost for words before he recovered himself.

“So, you’re telling me that mermaids are real, Castiel is one of them, he’s being held captive in a creepy freak show and we need to rescue him?” he said slowly, recounting everything he’d been told. “And this isn’t a joke, neither of you are drunk and you’re not recording this.”

“Yes,” Sam said. “Gabriel, please believe me, I’m not making this up.”

Gabriel glanced at Dean. Dean knew he shouldn’t feel annoyed that Gabriel didn’t trust him, but he did.

“No, I’m not making it up either,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest and looking defiantly back at Gabriel. “And we’re not mad either, before you ask.”

“Right,” Gabriel said slowly. He flexed his fingers, tapping them on the tabletop. For a long moment he was completely lost in his own thoughts, considering and contemplating, weighing things up. Then he stopped tapping, coming off the beat and looked back at Dean. “So, what do you want me to do?”

“You believe us? Really?” Dean asked.

“I’m going out on a limb here, but if Sam says it’s legitimate then I trust him,” Gabriel said, although he was still slightly tense, as if he was preparing to change his mind any moment.

“I knew you’d help,” Sam said, smiling widely. He leaned across the table and cupped Gabriel’s face, kissing him.

Dean looked away quickly. He was just starting to like Gabriel and he didn’t need to see that.

“Sam,” he said tensely. “Don’t you have a plan you want to tell us about?”

“Oh, yes,” Sam said. He sat back down in his seat, his cheeks pink.

Gabriel was grinning.

“So, where and how do you want me, Sammy?” he asked.

Dean rolled his eyes.

Sam smiled dopily at him and began to outline his rescue plan.

“Now Gabriel, you’re going to provide the distraction,” he said.

**

Dean had expected that he’d feel nervous, but now they were putting their plan into action, he felt oddly calm. The plan was, for the most part, painfully easy. That was the point of it. Gabriel created a diversion, driving up with his lights flashing, wearing his uniform and kept the owner talking while Sam and Dean snuck into the Freak Show and carried Castiel out.

There was a big, black tarp laid out in the backseat of the Impala. Sam proposed that they wrapped Castiel up in that. He was being kept in water, which would have prevented him from transforming. Without legs, he would have had a hard time escaping himself. Even if he got out of the tank he was being kept in, he wouldn’t have been able to crawl far.

It made Dean’s blood boil just to think about Castiel trapped somewhere, unable to leave. Once he’d freed Castiel, he’d let him choose what he wanted to do. He wouldn’t make Castiel come back with them. He’d make sure Castiel had the freedom that had been denied to him these past few months.

Part of Sam’s plan had included the two of them driving to the Carnival in the Impala, Dean turning the lights off when they got close so the black car blended into the darkness of the night. It was the middle of the night; the Carnival was almost empty, just the way it had been when Castiel disappeared. They’d driven for hours to reach here, but Dean was wide-awake.

He watched as Gabriel’s car came off the main road, bouncing and bumping as it hit the grass, lights on and siren blaring. At once, people scattered. Some of them, the people in charge, ran towards the police car and others, most likely the underage drinkers and kids out after curfew, ran in the opposite direction. It was exactly the big, noisy distraction that they needed.

“Now,” Sam hissed and they both bolted from the car.

Dean grabbed the tarp, bundling it up and they ran for the tent on the edge of the Carnival. They slipped in though the exit.

The first thing Dean noticed was the smell. It hit him straight in the gut and took him back to being a teenager. He remembered how disgusted he’d been and he remembered how he’d walked away and told himself he would never come back. It was the smell of decay. Nothing was cleaned, nothing was washed. It was all rotting from the inside and it made Dean want to heave.

The second thing he noticed was how dark it was. There were lights, hanging from a support bar across the top of the tent but they were candles fixed in little holders and already burning low. It gave the whole room an eerie look, making it impossible to see things clearly. It made everything more distorted, more disturbing. If it had been light and bright, Dean would have felt safer, but the half gloom just seemed to highlight how horrible the place was.

There were sounds, the flutter of wings, the rustle of straw as feet moved but Dean was searching for one person and he couldn’t hear any splashing.

“Cas!” he called softly, heading on into the gloom.

Out of the corner of his eye he caught glimpses of cages and things inside them, not quite human things. The realization that Castiel wasn’t the only one trapped here hit him full on in the chest and then sunk like a stone in his stomach. It would slow them down but Dean couldn’t leave here without freeing them. He couldn’t forgive himself.

He was partly responsible for their captivity. He had come here when he was younger, he had paid money to see them and he’d never know that they weren’t people dressed up in costumes. He’d let this horrible trade continue until Castiel had become a victim of it.

“We have to get them out of here, Sam,” he whispered as they passed one of the cages and he saw the flicker of a tail and something with flashing bright eyes inside.

“All of them?” Sam asked. “But we don’t know what they are.”

“It doesn’t matter, Sam. None of them belong here, you know that,” Dean said.

“Yes,” Sam said after a pause. “None of them should be here.”

“I’ll find Cas, you try and get the rest of them out of their cages, okay?” Dean said.

He didn’t wait for Sam to agree but strode off, looking around in desperation for Castiel. The lights flickered overhead and one of them snuffed out. Behind him there was a noise, the sound of Sam rattling at one of the cage doors. That sounds could probably be heard from outside, Dean reasoned. It wouldn’t give them much time.

“Cas!” he called again, louder this time.

His eyes were growing accustomed to the dark. Things no longer looked like simply shapes. He could see what they were and he could see the poor, broken creatures inside.

He came to a stop in front of a big tank. The water was filthy, clouded and tinged green. There was algae growing in the tank. It obviously hadn’t been cleaned in a long time, if it ever had. Lying in one corner of the tank, curled into a ball, was Castiel. He looked pitiful. His skin was bleached of color, his hair lank. His tail was in terrible shape. When Dean had seen it before, it had been sleek and black but now the scales looked brittle and in some places they had come away completely, leaving flaky, white patches.

He looked ill.

Sam hadn’t been exaggerating when he said that Castiel looked near death.

Dean stepped closer, dropping the tarp on the floor and pressing his hand to the glass. He hated seeing Castiel like this.

“Cas, what have they done to you?” he whispered.

Castiel’s head snapped up and he looked at Dean, his blue eyes wide. Dean was gratified to see that his eyes were still as bright as they had ever been. They hadn’t been dulled by his captivity.

Castiel opened his mouth and Dean knew that he was mouthing his name.

He pointed upwards, to the top of the tank and Castiel nodded in comprehension. He pushed himself upwards, using his tail to propel himself through the water. It seemed to take a terrible strain on him. He tried once, twice, before he managed to get himself high enough to grab hold of the rim of the tank and pull himself up.

“Dean,” he gasped.

“Cas,” Dean whispered, reaching up to grab hold of his hand. “I need to get you out of here. Fuck, Cas. I’m so sorry.”

“I never thought I’d see you again,” Castiel said.

“I’ve been looking for you, I’ve been looking everywhere, Cas,” Dean said. “Cas, everything I told you that night, I was wrong. I love you. I love you so much and it’s been killing me, not having you around. I don’t expect anything from you, Castiel. Once we’ve got you free of here then you’re free of me too. I’m not going to make you stay with me if you don’t want to but I wanted you to know that I know I was wrong.”

Castiel reached down for Dean, their hands connecting and Dean saw the flash of the ring, still on Castiel’s finger.

“I never took it off,” Castiel said. “I love you, Dean. You’re the only thing that’s kept me alive here. I thought of you and I kept going.”

“I love you,” Dean said again. It felt so good to finally be able to say the words to Castiel. “Come on, Sam’s working to get the other’s out, I need to get you.”

Together they worked, Castiel wriggling and Dean tugging, until gravity took effect and Castiel scrambled over the rim of the tank, scraping along his stomach as he did, hissing in pain, and tumbled into Dean’s arms. Dean caught him and held him tight. Castiel was painfully thin. He’d been underfed for as long as he’d been kept and that had only been for a few months. Dean found himself worrying about the state they would find the other creatures in.

“I want a bath and I want burgers,” Castiel said, burying his head into Dean’s neck, breathing in his scent. “And I want to stay in your bed. Please, can we be together now? I don’t want to sleep in the spare room.”

“You’re never going back to the spare room,” Dean said. “I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

Castiel pulled back just a little, smiling at him and he titled his head.

“I understand if you don’t want to kiss me but I’d like it if you would,” he said softly.

Dean leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Castiel was wet and shivering in his arms. He tasted awful but Dean kept kissing him because he was real, alive and so very beautiful, even damaged like this. Dean knew that this was what love really was. He wanted to hold on to Castiel, to keep him, protect him. He never wanted to let him go.

He broke the kiss quickly and looked at Castiel rather apologetically.

“We brought a tarp to wrap you in,” he said.

“Very practical,” Castiel said approvingly.

“I just don’t want you dripping on the car,” Dean said teasingly, stealing another kiss from Castiel as he settled him down on to the tarp.

Castiel laughed softly in to the kiss. It was a beautiful sound, a musical sound. Dean had been frightened that Castiel would be changed by what had happened to him, that there would be more than simply physical changes. The longer he spent with Castiel, the more he saw of him, the more he saw that Castiel was still himself underneath. He was still strong in spirit.

Dean wrapped him up in the tarp and gathered Castiel back in to his arms. It had taken but Sam and Dean to carry Castiel from the bathroom when he’d been transformed before. This time it took Dean hardly any effort at all to lift him.

“Hey!” Gabriel’s voice rose suddenly, loud and too close by for comfort. “Don’t walk away from me; I’m not done with you.”

“Fuck,” Dean said, holding Castiel close to him.

“Are the others out? We can’t leave anyone behind,” Castiel said. “It’s hell here, Dean.”

“Sam will get everyone out,” Dean said.

He knew he couldn’t really make that promise, but he had to get Castiel away from the Freak Show. He had to make sure Castiel was safe. He could come back, he could work to free the other creatures that were trapped there, but Castiel had to be his priority. It wasn’t a choice he wanted to make, but it was the only one he could.

He hugged Castiel tight against him and ran, heading for the outside, the freedom offered there. He reached the car, panting for breath, Castiel clinging to him. Sam was already there. He looked pale, his fingers were bleeding.

“I tried to get them out, but there were so many cages, Dean. I tried to get them all open but I couldn’t,” he gasped.

“No.” Castiel twisted in Dean’s arms, “No, we have to go back.”

“I’m putting you in this car and we’re going home,” Dean said. “I’m sorry, Cas. I want to help, I do, but I can’t. Sam’s bleeding. You’re sick. I need to help you.”

Castiel made a sound that nearly broke Dean’s heart to hear it. He knew how much it hurt. He hated having to do this but he had to. They hadn’t come prepared to break out anyone but Castiel.

Dean carefully opened one of the car doors and settled Castiel on to the backseat. He got into the car, Sam into the passenger seat and they drove away quickly.

They didn’t stop for a long time, not until Dean thought it was safe. He pulled in to a service station. There was a little restaurant, a gas station and most importantly a bathroom where Sam could wash his hands and try to clean himself up. Castiel, stretched out on the back seat, appeared human again. He wiggled his toes and looked reproachfully at Dean as they sat together in the car. Neither of them spoke. Dean didn’t know what to say.

He knew he’d done the best he could, but it wasn’t enough.

“There were so many of us there,” Castiel said quietly. “There was a fairy but his wings were broken, there was a tiger-man, he was starved, and there was a girl with feathers but her flight feathers were clipped so she couldn’t fly away.”

“Cas, are you trying to make me feel guilty?” Dean demanded. “I already feel awful. I want to save all of those guys but you have to understand, you were always my priority.”

Castiel nodded quietly.

“I know, Dean,” he said softly. “I’m not…they were my friends. They had all been tricked and trapped, hurt until they couldn’t escape. Even the magic users were robbed of their magic. It was so awful there, Dean.”

He shuddered, turning away from Dean. Dean couldn’t stand it. He crawled into the backseat and pulled Castiel into his arms. Castiel was naked and Dean could see the big, ugly red mark across his stomach where he’d scrapped the rim of his tank during his escape. There were bruises on him too. Although Castiel had been able to laugh before, been able to share a joke with Dean, Dean had been wrong to think there weren’t scars that went deeper than the physical. The skin on Castiel’s legs was patchy too, the marks resembling the ones on his scales only on his pale skin they were horrid red welts.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s hair.

He wasn’t sure if he what he was apologizing for. If it was for the friends of Castiel’s they’d had to leave behind in that monstrous place or for the things Castiel had suffered while he was there. In the end it didn’t matter, Dean was just sorry for everything. He wished that none of it had ever happened.

If he hadn’t been so angry, so blinked to what he really wanted, then Castiel would have been safe from that place. Dean could have kissed him that night, could have taken him home and begun their life together but instead he’d been afraid.

That fear could have cost him Castiel and Dean hated himself for it.

There was a knock on the window behind him. Dean jumped, turning around quickly, thoughts flashing through his head about how Castiel was naked and the two of them were in the backseat together. He didn’t want to get arrested, not now when they weren’t even doing anything. He breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw that it was Sam. His brother’s hands were covered in sticking plaster and he was holding his phone to his ear. He gestured for Dean to wind the window down which Dean did, cautiously.

“Hold on a moment, Gabriel,” Sam said. “I’m just passing you over to Dean.”

Dean took the phone and held it against his ear, wondering what he could expect.

“Hello?” he ventured.

“Dean, hi! I was calling Sam to tell him the news. I’m not going to be home for a while. The guy who runs this place, Crowley, he took a swing at me so I put him under arrest. I did a quick check around the place, it was pretty freaky but once we worked out how to do some presto-chango, there were a hell of a lot of missing people suddenly accounted for.”

“Wait? Gabriel, what are you telling me?” Dean asked.

“I’m telling you that I’m going to get a recommendation because I just busted this case wide open. We’re talking kidnapping, abduction. The whole shebang! Crowley’s going to jail, that Freak Show is shut down and everyone else is going home!”

Dean held the phone away from him, staring at it in wonder.

“Gabriel did it,” he said quietly. “Gabriel saved them.”

Castiel looked up at him, smiling as if everything had been put right in the world. There were still things to fix, Dean knew that. Gabriel was going to have to do some fancy footwork when it came to explaining why he’d been there and his paperwork was going to be interesting, but the creatures that had been trapped were now free and that was the best news Dean thought he’d ever heard.

He brought the phone back to his ear.

“Dean? Dean? Are you still there?” Gabriel asked nervously on the other end.

“Yeah, I’m still here,” Dean confirmed. “I’m gonna pass you back to Sam. I just wanted to say thanks, Gabe.”

He passed the phone back to Sam, smiling at his brother. Sam smiled back briefly, before he headed away, his voice lowered as he and Gabriel whispered together.

Castiel curled up against Dean, smiling happily at him.

“Dean, let’s go home,” he said, lifting his chin so he could kiss Dean properly.

**

They reached the house as the sun started to rise. Dean pulled into the drive way. He took his jacket off, wrapped it around Castiel and hurried him in to the house. Sam followed them.

“I’m going to call work and explain there’s a family emergency,” Sam said. “Do you want me to call Charlie and tell her Cas is back?”

“Could you? She should know, Gilda will want to know too,” Dean said, pausing at the bottom of the stairs.

Castiel was leaning against Dean for support. Dean wanted to get him upstairs and into bed. Castiel needed to rest. Once he’d slept, once he felt better, Dean would get him into the bath. He’d made him food. He’d even build Castiel a pool outside so he could go swimming to his heart’s content.

“I’ll do that,” Sam said, nodding to Dean.

Dean smiled at his brother. He carefully walked Castiel upstairs, letting Castiel rest his weight on him. They reached the top of the stairs and Dean pushed the door open. He carefully manhandled Castiel into the bed. Castiel rolled over immediately, pulling Dean’s pillow into his arms, burying his face in it.

“I missed this pillow,” he said softly. “I missed you.”

“Yeah,” Dean said, slipping in to the bed behind him. “I missed you too.”

“Will you hold me?” Castiel asked.

Dean nodded, wrapping his arms around Castiel and spooning up behind him. He kissed Castiel’s shoulder, nuzzling at his neck. Castiel sighed softly, happily.

“I think I’ll sleep better now,” he said quietly.

“I’m not going anywhere, Castiel. I’m never leaving you again,” Dean promised.

He felt Castiel relax in his arms, soothed by the fact that Dean wouldn’t leave him.

“I love you,” Dean said.

“Don’t stop,” Castiel said. He sounded exhausted, on the edge of sleep.

“I love you,” Dean murmured. “I love you.”

He kept repeating it, kept whispering the words until he was certain Castiel was asleep.

It took Dean longer to fall asleep. He held Castiel tight, felt the beat of his heart and every time he closed his eyes, he opened them again a moment later; needing to assure himself that it wasn’t a dream and that Castiel was really safe.

Eventually, when he had satisfied himself that it wasn’t a dream, Dean allowed himself to sleep.

He didn’t dream. He didn’t have to. He had everything he needed curled up in his arms.

**

Next Summer:

The sun was high in the sky. It was a beautiful day. Dean had the radio on loud, playing one of his favorite songs as he leant over the hood of the Impala, scrubbing with a sponge and trying to get the car beautifully, sparklingly clean.

When he stood up, wiping his brow on the back of his hand, Lisa was standing on the sidewalk outside his house.

It felt to Dean like the scene from a movie. He half-expected the radio to start playing some sappy love ballad.

“Lisa,” he said, throwing his sponge into the bucket of hot, soapy water at his feet.

He wiped his hands on the front of his jeans, aware that they were wet and wrinkled from how long he’d been scrubbing away at the car.

This hadn’t been how he’d envisaged meeting Lisa again. In truth, he’d never really thought about seeing her again.

“Dean, hi,” she said.

She had her hands slung in her back pockets and she looked almost nervous.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just thought I’d come and see how you’re doing,” Lisa said.

“I’m good,” Dean said.

They stood there for a moment, both looking at each other, Dean confused and Lisa swaying back and forth on the balls of her feet.

“Look,” she said finally. “I’ll just come out with it. I don’t want to get married, Dean. I still don’t, but we had fun together, the sex was great. We were good together. I’m here for the summer and I thought we could hook up again.”

“Oh,” Dean said.

He couldn’t help but feel pretty impressed with himself. It was a nice little ego boost that Lisa still remembered him fondly and thought about hooking up with him again.

“I just thought you might want to,” Lisa said, smiling at him.

“I…uh…I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I can’t,” Dean said. “You’re right, we did have fun together but I can’t.”

Lisa looked at him in confusion.

“I don’t understand,” she said.

The front door opened then. Dean didn’t even have to turn to know who’d be there. Castiel came down the drive, carefully avoiding any puddles of water and wrapped his arms around Dean from behind, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Lunch is ready,” he said.

“Lisa, this is Cas. Cas, this is Lisa,” Dean said, gesturing between the two of them. “Lisa, Cas is my husband.”

“Oh,” Lisa said, her eyes widening.

“Yeah,” Dean said sheepishly. “I guess I really did want to settle down after all.”

“Hey, congratulations!” Lisa said, smiling and Dean knew that her smile was genuine.

She was happy for him. There were no hard feelings, no recriminations. Dean didn’t feel anything special seeing her. He didn’t feel jealous or sorry for the past. Everything with Lisa had led him to Castiel and he was grateful to her for turning him down.

“I hope you have a great holiday, Lisa,” he said.

“Thanks!” she said, giving him a little wave before she began walking away, in the direction of the town.

Dean watched her go, feeling Castiel’s grip on him tighten just a little.

“You jealous?” he asked Castiel, turning his head so he could kiss him.

“Isn’t she the girl who turned you down? The one you were in love with?” Castiel asked moodily.

“I wasn’t in love with her, Cas. I loved the idea of her. It’s two different things. You’re the grumpy bastard I wake up with every morning. Iknow I love you.”

“Come inside,” Castiel said, nuzzling against him.

“For lunch?” Dean asked with a grin.

“Lunch can wait, I want something else from you,” Castiel said.

He grabbed hold of Dean’s hand, tugging him towards the house and Dean followed gladly. They ran up the stairs, tumbling in to bed together and Dean pinned Castiel beneath him, kissing him softly. It had been a whirlwind couple of months.

It had taken a few weeks before Castiel was really feeling better after his captivity. Adam had visited him, helped devise a plan of exercise and small, healthy meals to get him back on his feet. He’d also been shocked into silence by the revelation that mermaids existed which Dean enjoyed far more than he should. He’d given Castiel some cream for the welts on his legs and it had helped them heal. He still had faded marks there, which made Castiel self-conscious, but Dean loved to kiss those marks. He loved to kiss every part of Castiel.

The scales on his tail had grown back, much to Castiel’s relief, but they had grown back faded, more grey-white than the brilliant black of the rest of his tail. Adam had hypothesized that it had been a fungal infection on his tail and suggested salt baths, which had certainly helped. Castiel would always bear some scars from his time in the tank, but he was getting healthier every day.

Dean had proposed to him properly at Christmas and they had married in the courthouse in early January. There’d been an issue with Castiel’s identification but Gabriel and Sam working together had managed to smooth things over there. Castiel officially became Castiel Winchester. All their friends were there, Dean’s family. Charlie took a million photographs at Dean’s request. Dean had half of them framed and put up around the house.

He’d built Castiel a pool in the backyard where he could splash around as much as he wanted. Their life, strange as it was, became normal to them.

The best part for Dean was that every night, he got to fall asleep holding Castiel and every morning, he got to wake up with him. He would never have thought such a simple thing could mean the world to him, but it did.

“I love you so much, Cas,” he murmured against Castiel’s lips, stealing a kiss from him quickly.

“You should show me just how much,” Castiel whispered back.

Dean smiled, reaching between them to unbutton Castiel’s pants. He sat back on his knees, pulling Castiel’s pants down, tugging his boxers along with them. Castiel squirmed, still not completely comfortable with his body.

“You’re so beautiful, Cas,” Dean said.

He moved down, lying between Castiel’s legs, stroking his fingers up and down over Castiel’s marks. He kissed each of them, moving up from Castiel’s feet to his calves and higher. Castiel gasped softly in pleasure. Dean reached Castiel’s cock, which was hard and a deep, blushing red. He looked up at Castiel, grinning at him, before he took the head of Castiel’s cock in his mouth.

Castiel dug his fingers into the bed, arching his back.

“I want more,” he said, his voice soft and strained. “I want your fingers, Dean, please.”

Dean let Castiel’s cock slip from between his lips, smirking at his husband. Castiel was always so demanding. He knew exactly what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to ask for it. Dean loved giving it to him. He wanted to please Castiel and Castiel made it easy for him to do so.

“Okay, give me a moment,” he said, scrambling off the bed. He pulled his shirt off and quickly divested himself of his own pants and boxers. The lubricant was kept in a draw. Dean fished it out and brought it back to the bed, uncapping it and getting his fingers coated before settling back between Castiel’s legs.

He pressed one finger into Castiel and Castiel wiggled back against it, making a greedy noise.

“More,” he said and Dean complied, sliding a second finger in beside the first.

He started to thrust them, bending his head to take Castiel’s cock back in his mouth. He sucked him slowly, in no hurry. He wanted to make it last. He wanted Castiel to enjoy every second of it. He fucked him slowly, his fingers pressing deeper and deeper into Castiel.

“I love you, I love you,” Castiel panted softly, reaching down, his blunt nails scrapping through Dean’s hair.

Dean hummed, enjoying how Castiel groaned loudly, pushing up into his mouth. Dean found he had a talent for sucking cock. He loved the feel of Castiel’s cock on his tongue, hot and heavy, salty like every part of Castiel. He still retained the tang of the sea, even if he no longer lived there.

He slipped a third finger into Castiel, stretching him further and Castiel clenched down on them, whimpering softly.

“I want more,” he said. “Dean, please.”

Dean pulled away from Castiel’s cock with a slick ‘pop’, crooking his fingers deep inside Castiel, rubbing his fingertips against Castiel’s prostate in the way he knew Castiel liked. It made him twist and moan, overwhelmed by the sensation of it.

“Dean!” Castiel protested, bucking his hips. There was pre-come beading at the slit of his cock and Dean leaned forward, licking it off. Castiel moaned again, louder this time. “I need you in me!”

Dean slowly twisted his fingers, pulling them out of Castiel. He took a moment to admire how stretched Castiel’s hole was. It was pink and puffy, forced wide and Dean couldn’t wait to sink inside him. Castiel was so gorgeous like this, completely undone. He didn’t know anything about shame. He was a wild creature, something beautiful from the sea. He understood only what his body liked and he sought that out from Dean.

“Please,” Castiel said, reaching out for him.

Dean picked up the bottle of lubricant again, pouring some into his palm. He wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking up and down, getting himself slicked up for Castiel. He moved over Castiel, kissing him gently as Castiel wrapped his legs around Dean’s hips, rubbing demandingly up against him.

“I got you,” Dean said with a little huff of laughter. “I’m not going to leave you like this.”

He pushed forward, the head of his cock rubbing against the rim of Castiel’s hole and then he pushed forward, slowly sliding into Castiel’s tight heat. Castiel made a pleased sound, his eyes falling shut and he surrendered himself to Dean.

They rocked together, the movement old and practiced. Dean knew just how Castiel liked it, slow at first, enough to bring him back from the brink and Dean could last here, slowly thrusting into Castiel, until they both lost track of time. Then, when it was driving them both mad, Castiel wanted it fast, each thrust designed to hit just where he liked it and send him over the edge.

“I love you,” Dean said, kissing the corner of Castiel’s mouth.

Castiel opened his eyes, smiling up at Dean.

“I love you too,” he said.

He reached for Dean’s hand, entwining their fingers, the bands of their wedding rings brushing together.

The rhythm they found between themselves was perfect. It was a beat all their own. It wasn’t anything like Dean had experienced with any other lover. He was Castiel’s first and that had scared him when they’d rolled in to bed together. He’d expected Castiel to be shy, unresponsive but that had been the furthest thing from the truth. Castiel was so eager and being newlyweds, they found themselves sneaking off upstairs or into the back seat of Dean’s car, needing to get their hands on each other.

Castiel dug his heels into Dean’s thighs, urging him deeper and that was when Dean knew it was time to change tempo. He stuck to short, sharp thrusts, angling them to ram against Castiel’s prostate. Castiel clutched at him, calling out his name, bouncing back against Dean, meeting each of his thrusts. Dean knew Castiel wouldn’t last much longer and he wanted him to be left boneless and shaking once Dean was through with him.

He thrust forward again and that was all it took, Castiel was coming, shooting warm and sticky over his stomach. He clung to Dean, chanting his name, clenching tight on Dean’s cock. Dean kissed his cheek, squeezed Castiel’s hand and held him through his orgasm. Castiel flopped back on to the pillows, his eyes half-closed, his expression one of complete bliss. Carefully, Dean eased out of him. He didn’t think he’d ever enjoyed the way someone looked after sex as much as he enjoyed Castiel. He was lazy, completely spent and covered in his own come. He was like every wet-dream Dean had ever had made real.

Dean wrapped his hand around his own cock, which was still hard and aching. He stroked himself, looking at Castiel, still unable to believe that this beautiful man was his husband. That was all it took to push him over the edge and Dean came, biting down on his lower lip, spurting across Castiel’s stomach.

Castiel looked down at the white sticky mess on his skin, the mixture of his own and Dean’s come and he ran his fingers through it, rubbing it in to his skin. Later, they’d shower and that would be washed away, but for now, Castiel would be covered in their combined scent. It made him happy and Dean had to admit, he found it hot as hell to see Castiel coated in his come. He’d never thought he’d develop a marking kink but then he never imagined he’d end up married to a mermaid either.

Castiel sighed happily and reached out a hand for Dean, dragging him down on the bed next to him. He rolled over on to his side, tucking himself neatly against Dean, his head pillowed on Dean’s chest.

“I love you so much,” he said sleepily.

“Not jealous any more, I hope,” Dean said gently, just teasing him.

He rubbed his hand over Castiel’s shoulder, hugging him close. He hoped that Castiel understood just how much Dean loved him. He didn’t want Castiel to ever worry that Dean would look at anyone else. He was happy in the home he’d made with Castiel. He loved coming home now, loved his life.

It was the perfect, happy marriage he’d envisaged for himself that last summer, but it was better because it was with someone he really loved and who loved him back.

“I’m not jealous,” Castiel said with a yawn. “I just like the sex we have when you think I am. I know you’re mine now. I’ve got the marriage certificate to prove it.”

Dean laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of Castiel’s head.

“Don’t ever change, Cas,” he murmured.