siriuslyalive
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Get off my lawn, or I'll turn the hose on you by Bergen
Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
30 Apr 2024
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Summary
“How old are you?”
“What do you care?” is the hostile reply.
“Because I don’t remember agreeing to hire kids on the cleaning team.”
Peter Parker takes another bite of his sandwich and says, around a full mouth: “I’m just here for my community sentence.”
“Huh,” Tony says. “Why?”
“I spray painted ‘superheroes should go fuck themselves’ on the side of this building. Got caught.”
“Better luck next time, then. Were you in my lab yesterday?”
“I was in several labs,” says the kid dismissively.
“Did you mess with my calculations?”
“I corrected them, if that’s what you mean. Today is my last day, and the thought of leaving them up like that, half-assed, gave me angina. So, yeah, sue me.”
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After failing to save someone from a fire, Spider-Man hung up his suit. Now, three months later, a grumpy teen named Peter Parker stumbles into the Avengers’ lives.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 39,106
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Comments:
- 592
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- 6,557
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Bookmarked by siriuslyalive
01 Sep 2026
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Blue memento by Bergen
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
18 Jul 2022
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Summary
Post-NWH.
The Avengers haven’t been much of a group since they defeated Thanos, since a large fraction of the team died, retired, went AWOL or MIA. It’s mainly up to Sam and Bucky – with some help from a still recovering Tony – to catch the latest enhanced serial killer roaming the streets of New York.
Until a random college student from MIT named Peter Parker suddenly seems to have some answers.
Sam is cautious. Tony is intrigued. Bucky is the voice of reason for a change.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,137
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 510
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- 9,101
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Bookmarked by siriuslyalive
31 Aug 2026
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Only suckers wear scarves by Bergen
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
07 May 2022
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Summary
A story about coffee, carjackers, and co-dad management.
Spider-Man is unpredictable and chaotic, never says no to free food and seems to spend most his time directing traffic. This rookie is in desperate need of a chaperone. And Tony doesn’t want to do it, but he’ll bear the burden as gracefully as he always does.
Local teen Peter Parker never wears warm enough clothes, and can’t always sleep at home for reasons he refuses to go into. So if the Avengers really expect Sam to join their hippie-commune-cult, someone is going to have to look after this kid for him.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 44,291
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 20
- Comments:
- 599
- Kudos:
- 7,259
- Bookmarks:
- 1,889
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- 86,745
Bookmarked by siriuslyalive
30 Aug 2026
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Good publicity by Bergen
Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
22 Mar 2020
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Summary
“That was a disaster. The press is having a field day.”
“It wasn’t my fault,” Tony defends. “That Spider-Guy never knows when to shut up. He distracted me.”
“Your reputation took a blow,” Pepper tells him. “Which will be fixed, of course. I’ve already set it up.”
“Set what up? What, am I going to make flower arrangements with the elderly?”
Pepper slides a piece of paper towards him. “Try an orphan. His name is Peter Parker. His biggest dream is to meet you. But…” She hesitates.
“But?”
“Apparently he doesn’t talk much. Sometimes not at all. Trauma-related.”
“A smart kid who doesn’t talk? Perfect combination. If only all my employees were like that.”
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Or: Between Peter Parker barely speaking, and Spider-Man being the ultimate chatterbox, how was Tony ever supposed to figure out that they were one and the same person?- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,279
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 79
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- 900
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- 34,025
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- 6,485
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Bookmarked by siriuslyalive
30 Aug 2026
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Bell pepper shaped by Bergen
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
02 Aug 2024
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Summary
“You know what today is?” Peter asks.
“What.”
“You’ve kept your succulent alive for one month.”
Tony’s face scrunches up. He shrugs dismissively. “Great. I didn’t forget to never water it.”
“He took really good care of it,” Peter tells Pepper with a serious expression. “Took it for daily walks on a leash and everything.”
Tony nudges Peter’s cheek with his knuckles and says, very, very fondly: “Shut up and eat your barbecue sauce.”Series
- Part 2 of The fireman and the frog
Bookmarked by siriuslyalive
29 Aug 2026