The Weighing
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Listing Series
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Summary
Spencer isn't sure he ever really knew a time before wanting to die.
Logically he knows there must have been. Children aren't inherently born with that desire. But he can't pinpoint a specific moment where he became aware of it. Where he didn't have the List.
Now it's simply a fact of life. Get up. Go to work. Come home. Consult the List, the Pros and Cons of continued existence. Make coffee. Have dinner. Sleep.
Spencer had always found just enough reasons to keep living, tenuous though they were at times. Then Emily dies.
Series
- Part 1 of The Weighing
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The world asks of us only the strength we have by Fish_are_Friends93
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
03 Oct 2025
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Summary
In a moment of panic he realised a lump had formed in his throat and his eyes were starting to sting. God was he really going to start crying over this? His stupid, silly, morbid idea to give out his suicide notes to his friends in some foolish attempt at assuaging his own guilt. He deserved to feel every ounce of their judgement towards him for what he almost put them through. It was ridiculous to think that those written words would bring his friends anything other than more painful reminders.
In the wake of Spencer's suicide attempt, after speaking to an old friend, Spencer decides to give out the letters he'd written to each of those closet to him, hoping to bring them some closure, and find in himself some redemption.
Series
- Part 2 of The Weighing
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Summary
Until Emily returned.
He doesn't really remember the meeting, the day, the case, the week. It comes back to him in snippets or in dreams. So patchy is his memory he wondered if he hadn't shot up and just forgotten. It was eerily similar to the fragmented recollections of that period.
Emily isn't dead. In the wake of Spencer's suicide attempt, this truth is unreconcilable.
His mind fractures.
Spencer is left picking up the pieces as everything he's worked for hangs in the balance once more while his mind struggles to maintain it's grip on reality.
Series
- Part 3 of The Weighing