Aliens Sure Are Weird
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Domestic Diplomacy (And Other Minefields) by SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
Fandoms: Homestuck
22 Nov 2022
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Summary
Karkat's moirail meets his matesprit. It goes alright. Nothing's exploding yet, anyway. Karkat just has to translate, and mediate, and fix Dave, and keep Gamzee in line, and not flip his shit. Fucking easy. It's all under control.
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Gamzee's moirail introduces him to his little alien flushcrush. It goes alright. Just the human's freaking out, and then Karkat's freaking out, and then when Gamzee goes to fix it it gets worse for some reason. It's not like the little squishy motherfuckers count as quadrants. So who knows what the big motherfucking deal is.
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Dave's boyfriend brings around his other boyfriend, and Dave has an educational experience on the subject of quadrants. It goes alright. Except the guy's a handsy dick who doesn't speak basically any English and wears clown makeup. And Karkat seems to be making some kind of romance power-move at him to prove a point. And Dave's dripping blood all over his favorite pair of sweatpants.Series
- Part 1 of Aliens Sure Are Weird
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Lost And Found (In Translation) by SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
Fandoms: Homestuck
30 Aug 2023
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Summary
“Guys, hey, come on,” Jade says. “Troll language is much more specific about stuff like this, when he says stabbed he could mean something different! Karkat,” she switches to Alternian, bending her human vocal structures in painful-sounding ways but still doing a much better job than Dave, all things considered. “Stabbed, stabbed, or stabbed?”
You know you didn’t teach her the distinction between “poke hard with a non-strife-allocated object”, “stab lightly to show somebody not to fuck with you”, and “impale to kill”. Humans don’t even have that distinction. It’s a fucking miracle they get anything done.
“…Stabbed,” you say, carefully enunciating like a fucking liar.
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It's always awkward when the boyfriend meets the friend group; the boyfriend's boyfriend inviting himself along can only make it worse. Unless, of course, you're an amateur xenobiologist, sociologist, and linguist. Then it's just extra data!Series
- Part 2 of Aliens Sure Are Weird
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Relationships and Culture In Locusta Astralis (A Field Study) by SpoonerizeSwiftness (SplickedyHat)
Fandoms: Homestuck
13 Mar 2025
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Summary
“So,” Jade says, marching on ahead with her list like a determined little artilleripper, tapping at her papers. “The…Dark Carnival.” She sounds it out every part one after the other, ‘fatal-funny cullpit of the messiahs’, like how a corpse dismembered and all laid out turns into pieces instead of a whole troll.
“Dark Carnival,” you say, putting the corpse back together to show her, fast and fluid how it’s supposed to flow.
“Dark Carnival,” Jade repeats after you, choking just a little on the shift of chirr into click. “Okay! Say me what does that mean?”
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A diplomatic voyage of xenosociological discovery and awkward flirting takes place in Karkat's shitty living room, heavily backdropped by only the finest of cross-species anatomy textbooks, shitty Alternian cocktails, and schlocky Alternian romance movies.Series
- Part 3 of Aliens Sure Are Weird